The Trades (2024) s01e07 Episode Script

1
Holy fuck!
Hey!
You're about to burn a
hole in junior, here.
Ah shit!
Go home. Get some rest.
I'm good. We've only got
three more welds on this line.
We'll handle it from here.
We work safe, not fast.
Your words, brother.
You're right.
You're right.
So Leonard said we're on track
to mount the tip this week.
This is a group
of hard workers.
That is fantastic!
Isn't there a famous quote
about workers stepping
up to the plate
when times are tough?
Yeah. You're too tired
to remember it.
Bingo.
Go home and
get some rest.
I just gotta
grab my glasses.
You're wearing them.
I don't know Charles Conch,
I've never met the man.
Hopefully he sees what we're
doing and jumps on board.
I never thought
in a hundred years
this place would shut down.
Oh, the doors aren't
closed just yet.
Got time to lean-
There's time to clean!
Todd:
Very original.
I'm out.
Okay, good.
Todd:
Don't install that
section without me.
Marcus:
Night, brother.
Todd:
Goodnight.
Marcus:
Shit. This ain't good.
Dewey:
It's a gift from
the Heavens, Tase.
An untapped skill
and a burden.
Taser:
I don't believe you.
Dewey:
You've never tested me.
Try it.
Alright, um
what did your dad's farts
smell like when you were a kid?
Having a photographic memory
means I remember visuals,
not smells, you dumbass.
Okay, visuals. I got it!
When you were being born,
what did the inside of your
mom's pussy look like?
Well, it was dark.
Dewey!
What?
Surprise piss test!
We're on lockdown!
Dewey:
Now?
Wait, wait. I need
Taser!
All right,
have a good day, bud.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold up.
You know the drill.
Pee in Daddy's traveller.
Come on.
Whizzanator.
Boys, line up,
one at a time.
One at a time.
One at a time.
Alright, make it easy.
One at a time.
One at a time.
Got what ya need.
I'm running low on stock.
Alright guys, line 'em up.
Easy, easy.
I got all the stock.
Don't worry.
Alright boys, keep 'em comin'
Here you go.
I'm runnin' out of stock, guys!
I need a dick, man. Bad.
You don't have
anything more pale?
With freckles, maybe?
Well, ya shouldn't have
ruined your old one, man.
I told you,
they're not
dishwasher-friendly.
Come on, man,
make up your mind.
Oh, is that someone
else's piss?
Ah, yeah.
Most of us keep a cooler of
it in the trunk of our car.
Audrey:
Oh fuck!
I smoke a ton of dope.
I'm fucked!
What do I do?
Shit! Do you have any more?
Yeah, take this.
Dump the piss in a cup.
Simple as that.
Won't someone
be watching me?
Pussy privilege, baby.
Who's piss is this?
Oh. Ah, I source it from
an Italian nun in the Alps
who drinks nothing but
glacial water and herbal tea.
Really?
What the fuck? No!
One of my tenants hands
me a mason jar once a month.
You're leaking.
Oh, fuck.
I've got one dick left!
I'll take it. I'll take it.
Proceed with caution.
Dr. Bridges is a
former military vet,
two tours,
with the personality
of a chicken nugget.
Courtesy washrooms
around the corner.
Thank you.
Homer.
Doc.
After you.
I better not see my
piss on the dark web.
Homer, I won't
look at your cock.
We rely on the
honour system here.
Fuck.
Oh! Fuckin' nasty.
No evidence.
Enjoy.
Don't drink it
all in one gulp.
Audrey:
Still warm.
Next!
And that's when I woke up
in an alley in Tijuana with
the taste of cigarettes
and agave in my mouth and
a belt around my throat.
I'd been gambling
with the locals
and I had a cartel member's
pistol in my mouth.
That's because his wife
gave me a foot job
underneath the table.
Plantar warts.
Feet only,
or do they spread?
Hmm?
Doesn't matter.
Man, I've repressed
these memories.
It's the first time in
a decade that Medhi's been clean
and it's all flooding
into my brain.
It's almost distracting.
And it's making me horny.
Wow.
Leonard:
It's not complete.
I've examined all
of his drawings,
his process,
but this section
doesn't make any sense.
I mean, I could fill
in the blanks, but
Not the time for guesswork.
So we're in the thick of this
and they suddenly decide to
run a refinery-wide screening.
Oh you motherfucker.
What did I do?
No, not you.
An unscheduled urine
test locks us down.
It slows our progress.
We can't leave, but I know
who can get this to Medhi.
Okay, so maybe let's
not swear anymore.
Todd :
Yello.
Okay, good, you're awake.
I was just about to lay down.
No, don't go to sleep!
Wait, have you started
your nighttime routine?
Kinda.
Audrey :
Don't do it.
We need you alert, okay?
'Cause there's like a piss test
happening at work right now.
Is it Doc Bridges?
Yeah, it's him and
a couple of techs.
That's not good.
Hey, it's Leonard.
The engineer.
There's missing calculations
on Medhi's schematics.
We need you to come grab the
blueprint and bring it to Medhi.
He's in rehab.
And I don't speak engineer.
Well, we've got that covered.
Todd :
Good, 'cause I just took
a handful of gummies.
Ah, can you meet us at the
southeast perimeter fence?
Yep. I'll leave right now.
Okay.
Todd:
I'm gonna be fucked.
But it's not my first
barbecue, dickhead.
Todd:
They haven't even
kicked in yet.
Shit. I better
hurry the fuck up.
Everything alright?
Oh, everything is gravy, Doc.
Yeah, just, uh,
it's an old injury.
Ah, my nuts.
I got rammed by a
goat when I was a kid.
Have you been screened
for testicular cancer?
You know, it affects
man of all ages.
I'm-I'm sure it's not cancer.
It's stage fright.
I gotta get a
flow going here.
And, uh, II squish
my nuts a lot.
You know it's,
I own an E-bike.
Need some help?
I can hold the cup.
Here, gimme the cup.
There you go.
Empty mind, empty bladder.
Just think of a
trickling stream.
A babbling brook.
Ah, yeah.
Oh, there we go.
You're almost at
the fill line,
get ready to pinch off.
You can stop now.
Stop!
Ugh!
Oh, ah
so my dick fell off.
Ah, the cancer is,
it's aggressive.
Well, thanks to
our friend here,
the honour system
is in the toilet.
Everyone will now provide
a sample in front of me.
What?
Hey, pay attention!
I'm not done.
Ah fuck!
Doc Bridges:
There'll be no excuses,
no exceptions,
except for the women.
Fuckin' Dewey.
Tell anyone who's already
provided a sample,
we are retesting.
Audrey:
It just winds
around and around,
so it's like,
it's a miracle.
We are fucked!
We are so fucked!
Dewey's dick fell off right
in front of Doc Bridges.
His dick fell off?
Yes, his dick.
His fake dick.
The one we use for
swapping out piss.
Anyways, Doc Bridges
wants new samples.
We don't have any
more clean piss.
That's a problem.
- Yes.
Full disclosure:
There's a slight chance
that marijuana might
show up in my system.
Fuckin' think?
98% of the plant's
gonna be pissin' hot.
We need clean piss
and we need it asap!
Shit. I was just starting
to get a hang of this job.
Sure you were.
Chelsea:
Okay. So we need to
gather a lot of water,
and the handful of people
who don't party. That right?
Correct!
Okay. Well, I don't partake,
so my urine will be clean.
That's even better.
Good. You and the
rest of the nerds
can piss all
over the place.
The problem now,
is how are we gonna swap
out the piss samples?
You ready?
Ready.
Guys? Guys? I, I don't
think he's ready.
Todd:
Oh, I'm fucking ready,
you nerd.
Remember, keep your
asshole clenched.
What? Now is that a thing?
No. Wait, wait, wait!
Not ready.
Leonard:
Ow.
You don't seem like
you're a hundred percent.
I'm super focused.
And a really good
driver when I'm baked.
The vehicle's not even on.
Exactly. You're gonna drive.
Bev:
All done.
That was a good one.
Good work, Bestie.
Hey, how come you're
not hydrating?
Oh, me?
I ate a weed brownie
on the weekend.
Too risky.
I think I can
squeeze one out.
You can do it, Jimi.
I believe in you.
Whew! Very interesting smell.
It's like full bodied, earthy.
Whew!
Hey Steph,
maybe get that ozone
generator from the crib
if you get a chance.
Weak stream there, Jimi?
Prostate. It'll come.
Ah.
Yes! There it is!
Jesus. No splashing.
Some people have to
work in there, you know.
Jimi:
Hey, I'm half blind.
You're distracting me now.
Barb:
Oh my God.
Hey guys, I'm estimating
we have about enough here
for maybe half the samples.
How's everyone feeling?
How are we gonna do
this switch anyway?
Audrey:
Who's the best
"faker" on site?
You mean bullshitter?
Mm-hmm.
I mean, two people
come to mind.
Alright. Every
little bit helps.
Barb:
Watch it, Steph!
Oh God! That was not enough
to make it worth their while.
Ooh, we got an encore coming.
Okay.
We don't want to kick
him off the wagon.
We just want to dangle him
off the side a little bit.
Didn't you check him in?
You reassigned the donations
from the golf tournament.
I thought Medhi was
one of your friends.
I think we're friends.
He calls me buddy.
But we just don't speak
the same language.
He's really smart.
You have a weird way of
treating your "buddy".
Todd:
He's been sober
for like a week,
a week and a half.
It's not like he's
losing a month.
I feel like I've been
here before. Weird.
Oh, you are too messed
up to be in here.
Todd:
I'm fine.
Put it away, Todd.
Don't ruin a
man's new life.
Fuckin' relax.
Ah! Suck it, Dwayne!
Better luck next time!
Boys!
Oh, you checking in?
Can we borrow you
for a minute?
Oh, oh, oh, oh.
Not unless you beat me.
I'm undefeated.
We can't stay long.
It's about your blueprints.
The innovation?
Did you paint that?
It's really fuckin' great.
Oh, I feel like this painting!
Oh, I owe you Todd.
I have never
felt this good!
So, which one of you
is better at ping pong?
Ah
Yeah.
Come on, Leonard.
Let's do it, baby!
Barb:
Oh, it, ah, smells
better in here.
You guys owe us
some new candles.
Not a problem.
I know a guy.
I think, I think you
guys are water drunk.
Which is an actual thing.
Oh, I gotta pee!
Oh, I know that.
I-I like you.
I think that might
be the water talking,
but I like you too.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Did you wash your hands?
Steph :
Two minute warning,
Pee Squad.
We're goin' in.
Prepare the payload.
Copy that.
Okay.
Everything is covered in piss.
Literally. Ugh!
Backwoods:
Holy fuck, Doc,
you gotta stand that close?
Jesus. You gonna be licking
your lips soon enough.
Divert your eyes a
little, would ya.
Dr. Bridges?
Yes?
Hi. A guy took a tumble
down some stairs.
I was afraid to move
him and it looks, ah
looks
Stephy.
Stephy!
Looks good.
It looks bad!
He is really hurt.
He's hurt?
- Yes.
Okay. Everybody out.
Backwoods:
We better go.
Oh, I gotta cut it off. Sorry.
- Let's go.
Oh, it spilled on me.
- I'm sorry. Let's hurry.
We've got it.
He's probably got a broken
back or hemorrhaging.
Oh, come on.
Code Blue. Code Red.
Code fuckin' green.
Code orange.
Just fucking make
'er happen, Doc.
Holy fuck!
Big Nate's down.
Steph:
He's in here, Doc.
Help me!
Tase!
Taser:
Oh, over here.
Tase, you all right?
Oh, you're here.
Shit, brother.
Ugh.
I fell from up there.
All the way up there?
Stabilize his neck.
Ugh. It was just a stumble.
But these boots
I think someone
switched my boots.
Backwoods:
Switched your boots?
Taser:
Yeah.
Someone's gonna pay.
Taser:
Y'know how you,
you take that baby step to
stop yourself from tripping?
Yeah. Yeah.
Works great if you've
got your own boots,
ones that fit.
But these boots are not mine.
What are we gonna do, Doc?
Can you concuss yourself from
falling down the stairs?
Yes, you can.
Yeah.
Dr. Bridges:
How many fingers?
That one's a thumb.
Ugh.
Dewey:
This is like building
model planes.
Bev:
Oh my God, Dewey.
Ew. Uh uh.
Barb:
No! You got some on me.
Audrey:
Okay, you upright citizens.
Chelsea:
You guys are doing great.
Bev:
Keep your eyes
on the prize.
Chelsea:
We're almost there.
You're wasting it!
Dewey:
The top goes on so you
don't get peed on.
Secure.
Barb:
Yes, yes!
Audrey:
We're so close!
Last one coming
down the pike.
Dewey:
I like this feeling.
Audrey:
Almost done here.
What about-what
about the booze bra?
The booze bra?
No outward signs of injury.
Good. Good. That's good.
No tenderness or swelling.
Great.
Taser:
I'm pretty sure I bruised
my kidney on a stair.
Dr. Bridges:
Alright, let's get
him outta here.
Oh, Doc, don't move me!
Oh, oh!
Shit!
Oh, yep!
Yeah, it fuckin' hurts.
It hurts.
Oh, we might need
an ambulance.
Oh God. Don't touch it,
don't touch it, don't touch it.
It's just an old injury.
It just pops out
every time I sneeze.
I'm all good.
Audrey:
Oh, almost spilled it.
Dewey:
Okay, all good.
Let's go. Let's go.
Let's go. Let's go!
Damn.
Dewey did good.
- Yes.
Dewey:
Oh God. Get the tape.
Oh.
And that's how it's done.
Dr. Bridges:
Is it tender right here?
Backwoods:
Yep, yep, yep!
It's fuckin' all tender there.
Just be-just be
It's fine. It's fine.
Backwoods:
Yeah, I'm fine. I'm fine.
Oh yeah.
What'd you look at that, Doc?
Oh, you're a
miracle worker.
Doc, I feel fine.
Sometimes it's just
knowing somebody cares
makes all the difference.
Mm-hmm.
Yep. Yep. That's great, Doc.
Hell of a physician.
What a doctor.
Whew! Yep.
It's, ah, see ya, Doc.
That hurt for real.
Fuckin' hold me.
Steph:
No fuckin' way.
Leonard:
Between the coffee stains
and the torn up
sections and the tape
I can't make sense of this.
Fellas, I'm clearheaded.
Listen
I hear
I hear nothing, huh?
No grinders,
no heavy machinery,
no swearing.
Look guys, I know you
value my intelligence,
but this invention
is special.
It came from chaos and,
uh, and a lot of weed.
Okay, well, I tried using
Young's modulus results
in a surface area that's
larger than the "L" factor,
so I know that's not
how you got there, but
Nerd.
Do you know how
you got there?
Do you even know
if it's right?
That's brave for a virgin.
I'm married.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
If we don't sort this out,
it could be catastrophic.
Ugh. I-I'm telling you guys,
I-I-I-I can't remember.
What if there was a way
for you to find your way
back into the chaos?
No! No!
You can do this
without getting high.
I made copies so we can
leave them with you.
Give you time to
figure it out.
We don't have time!
Corporate is trying
to destroy us!
All of us!
Well, um, we could
go to someone else.
I've got friends
from university.
Someone can help us.
You sure you know someone?
Yeah.
You're a good friend, eh?
Look, this is right.
This is how we heal.
You give 'em hell
in here, buddy.
You got this.
That's it?
He comes in here fucked
out of his gourd
and basically puts a
loaded gun on the table
and you let him
off the hook?
Gun?
It was a weed pen, man.
You shut up, dude.
You boohoo'd a few tears
and you hugged it out
and now you're square?
If you two weren't my seniors,
I'd tell ya both to F-off!
Todd:
Chill.
You already swore earlier.
You wanna hear swearing?
I got lots of swears for you,
motherfucker bullshit bitch!
Todd:
Yeah! Okay.
Asshole.
See you like that, bitch.
You're killing my buzz, man.
You're killing my buzz!
I don't even have
a buzz, Fuck Face.
There's the chaos.
There's-there's the weed.
Gentlemen, I have two meetings
scheduled this afternoon.
All right. I'll pick up
another newcomer medallion
and I'll talk
to my sponsor.
All is well.
Relax.
I'm not getting
high to get high.
I am getting high to help.
That was deep.
I don't feel
good about this.
Me either.
Hey, gimme that.
Somebody's gotta drive.
I'm fried. Big time.
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
Todd:
The power of weed.
Stellar work, you two.
Barely knew you were there.
It was a one
man show today.
Careful with those samples.
Well, apart from the
numerous setbacks
and the exposure
to human waste
Another micro tear
in my rotator cuff.
It's no big deal.
And my abused bladder.
It all worked out.
You guys need
any more piss?
Found a few more
litres in my locker.
Ah, fuck you.
That sucks.
Raise your hand if you want
to come to Imperial Valley.
Jamar, thank you
for volunteering.
Since you love that place so
much you're comin' with me.
Pack your bags!
Um, sounds good, sir.
What's on the agenda?
I'm going there to
do your fuckin' job.
You get that junky
weasel on the line.
I need to have a
chat with him.
We're gonna shut the
fuckin' place down!
Y'all suck!
I'll remember this when
determining Christmas bonuses!
Charles:
Jamar:
I'm coming!
Fucking Imperial Valley.