Vladimir (2026) s01e07 Episode Script

Maybe she got held up.
Sorry, I'm not used
to someone of your stature.
- Oh!
- Okay!
- Sorry. Ooh!
- Ooh!
- Are all your parts intact?
- You bet!
Oh, I like your jacket.
Thank you. Cynthia thinks it's douchey.
Oh, no. No, no, no.
I wore it for you
'cause you are always so perfectly styled.
You don't notice how I dress.
Yes. Yes, I do.
God, it's been forever
since I had an afternoon off.
- You deserve it.
- Well, I don't know about that.
Well…
Well, I… No, I don't…
I don't think anyone deserves anything.
That is rather Puritan of you, Vlad.
- I am a big-time Puritan.
- Oh, no. No, you aren't.
- I… I am.
- No, you are not.
Yes, I am. No, at grad school,
Cynthia basically had to hit me
over the head with a frying pan to…
Oh.
Anyway.
Yes, I am a pretty buttoned-up fellow,
don't you think?
I mean, I… I don't know. I suppose I…
I don't know you well enough.
Are we not gonna eat on Main Street?
I thought we'd go a little further afield.
My love for you, baby…
- As long as I'm back by five.
- Well, we'll see about that.
It goes--
- Wow, you're blowin' up.
- Sorry.
- Do you want me to…
- Oh, yes, if you could just grab my…
- No, if you could put it on my…
- Sure. Yeah, it's here.
Oh, yes, sorry. Um…
Oh God, it's just a friend.
I know the hearing is today.
You do?
I understand why you wanna be
somewhere else.
- Oh, thank you for saying that.
- Yeah, you need a break from it all.
You wouldn't say I deserve a break.
No, I'm kidding. I'm teasing.
You're the only person
I'd say deserves a break.
Well, I know you're gluten-free.
I mean, when I'm being good.
Are you being good today?
- I'm gonna try.
- Mm.
Um…
Red or white?
Oh!
Should we do glasses or a bottle?
Will you drink more than one?
I haven't gotten day drunk in many years.
Oh, well, in that case,
we are definitely getting a bottle.
Um, hi, could we possibly have
this Montepulciano?
Of course.
Please, thank you. Okay?
You're fun.
- That's Phee on our way to swim class.
- Aw.
I take her every Wednesday.
It's… it's the best part of my week.
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
Would now be a good time
to talk about your book?
Sure, yeah.
Let's… let's, uh… let's pop the cherry.
- Oh.
- Sorry.
Oh, no, no. No, let's pop it.
Well, first,
I think you're a genius, and
you're gonna be very famous.
Wow. I don't know about that.
Ah, you'd be surprised.
Things are gonna happen for you.
I know it.
Wow, are… those notes?
- Do you mind?
- No, I'm… I'm flattered.
- I mean, too much?
- No, no, no, no, no. No, please.
Oh, should we, um… put our phones away?
Yeah, I wish I could. It's just,
you know, Cynthia might need me.
And I'm worried about her.
She, uh… she's been…
Distant?
- I don't… I don't wanna talk about it.
- Um…
You know what?
I have a challenge for you, Vlad.
What's that?
How about we make this afternoon
about you?
Certainly be a change of pace.
Well,
what I find so remarkable about your book
is that, um…
you've created this… this character
that has intense restraint…
There's a rather tried-and-true way
to seduce fellow writers,
and that is to pay them some attention.
I have found that there is nothing
more irresistible than attention.
Close reading, not only to the words,
but to the person who wrote the words.
And I think if Vlad can understand
how deeply I see him…
I could kiss you.
Oh.
I don't get feedback like that anymore.
Cynthia's a good reader, but…
you know, it's kind of like…
"This bit's too long,"
or, "That guy's too fake,"
and that's… that's it, so…
I'm not used to this kind of attention.
I mean, your book just moves. I'm…
I'm not sure I achieved that with mine.
I'm offering a segue.
Thank you. Um, do you have the time?
Uh… uh… uh…
Mm, yeah, it's 3:30.
Ah, darn it.
I… I wish we could hang out more.
Um, I'll be back in a minute.
Sir, could we get a sec?
Oh.
- Oh, excuse me, excuse me. Hello.
- Yes, how may I help you?
Yes, may we please have coffees,
two Fernet-Brancas,
and please hold the check
because it's his birthday.
- Thank you.
- Oh, okay.
Tell me what happened.
He was the chair.
I went to him to ask for advice.
He offered to read my work,
and then he asked if I would like
to go to a bar later to discuss.
The bar was in a hotel.
I knew sex was on the table.
Everyone knew
that John slept with undergrads.
We all knew that.
Oh God.
My brothers are all in finance.
Um… yeah, they think I'm homeless.
Sorry, have you seen the waiter?
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday, happy birthday
Happy birthday to you
Wow!
Thank you.
How'd you know?
It's not your birthday.
Did Cynthia tell you?
Wait, it is your birthday?
You came out for lunch with me
on your birthday?
I had no idea.
It's not my birthday.
Oh.
Uh, can we get the check?
No, no, no.
I'll… I'll… I'll get it. I'll get it.
Oh, no way. We'll… we'll split it.
No, I am too old to split a check.
I'll… You'll owe me a lunch.
I may never be
let out of the house ever again.
I'm sorry that we couldn't stay longer.
I need to sober up.
Will you excuse me for a moment?
He doesn't wanna go.
A cliché, but… true.
Professor Vladinski. I have an idea.
I have this sweet little cabin nearby,
and I wanted to show it to you.
It's for writing, you know,
like for a retreat,
so I thought we could go there,
and I could offer you a prompt.
Ah! You have no idea
how much I wanna do that.
I… I just…
I think I should probably go home.
I think Cynthia would kill me.
You know, sometimes it's better
to ask forgiveness than get permission.
See, you know,
she's working her ass off on this book.
She comes home at 2:00 a.m. every night,
and I'm just… I'm worried about her.
Are you sure she's working on the book?
What?
Vlad, how are you going
to enrich your inner life
if you are always on the clock?
Mm.
All right, I…
I need to call Cynthia first.
Mm-hmm.
It's done.
What did Cynthia say?
She told me to have fun.
- She is a cool wife.
- Mm-hmm.
Do you ever…
do you ever find it hard in a marriage
to understand that
the other person wants you to be happy?
Who can ever understand
what another person wants?
Truly.
We're two minutes away.
- Is there cell service?
- Oh, no. No cell service.
No Wi-Fi, no distractions.
Just us.
Oh my God!
How long have you had this?
God, it's perfect.
I'm glad you like it.
Oh no. Is that a caipirinha?
Mm. I found this lime juice.
I… I hope it's okay. Do you like them?
Of course.
Thanks.
Would you like to go and write… now?
You could use the bedroom.
No, I think I'd rather just talk.
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
I like Florence.
I don't mean to be hard on her.
No, I like her.
She's definitely one of
the most irritating persons on the planet.
- She's just… you know, she's a challenge.
- Yeah.
You're… empty.
Yeah, I always drink too fast.
Stay here, and I'll make you another one.
Fuck it.
Thanks.
But he was so complimentary.
I thought he was interested in me
because he liked my writing.
I felt chosen.
And he was charming.
Okay.
Thank you.
We will hear the remaining testimonies
tomorrow.
Oh, I was gonna bring these out to you.
That's okay.
The… the sun was getting a bit too much.
Gotta protect the moneymaker.
Oh yeah.
Crossing to Safety.
- Stegner.
- What a writer.
Oh, you like him, huh?
I'm sorry, Vlad, but weren't we gonna
discuss each other's books?
Oh.
Ah shit. Yeah.
I'm sorry to even bring it up,
but wasn't that the plan, you know…
No, yeah, of course. Um… hold on.
Now where is my…
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm sorry.
It's just, you know,
you're a very, um… formidable person.
Oh, please.
Yeah, I felt a bit shy, so…
Anyway…
here you are.
Uh…
Um…
Yeah, sorry about all the…
What does this, um… WIW mean?
Wish I wrote.
Yeah, I think I'm a little hot
for your narrator.
Yeah, it really spoke to me, personally.
In what way?
All of
one's different wants
being in conflict with each other.
That's how I feel.
I can never seem
to make up my mind about what I want.
Why can't I just come out with it?
Um…
You have records.
Mind if I take a look?
Oh. Of course.
One, two, three.
- That's the basic step.
- How do you know this?
I used to go to a salsa club in Florida
when I was 16.
- It was very formative.
- How?
I liked dancing
with the 30-year-old women.
- Ooh!
- Ooh, sorry!
- Sorry, sorry.
- Yeah.
I'm gonna lead.
There you go.
Okay. Yeah.
All right, sorry. I'm a bit tipsy.
- I'm gonna turn you.
- Okay.
- Okay?
- Okay.
And whoa, uh!
That was good.
And…
- Whoop!
- Oh!
Oops! Yeah.
Oh-ha.
Oh, yeah, I meant to, um… I just forgot.
I brought these for you.
I wanted to return them.
Should I put 'em on?
No.
You sure?
Uh…
You know, if I had
a place like this to go, I don't know
what I'd write about. I'm so lost.
Oh, well, that sounds hard.
- What's your new book about?
- I can't talk about it.
You don't need to tell me the story,
but, you know…
What's it about?
I suppose it's about…
desire,
the… spiritual imperative of desire, how
sometimes, in one's life,
wanting something can feel akin to…
…holiness.
I think I'm gonna take a swim
and then go back to my real life.
A swim?
- Since you brought my trunks.
- It's gonna be quite cold in there.
I'm Russian.
It's fine.
I'll drive him home and drop him off,
and the next time we see each other,
we'll pretend that nothing
out of the ordinary has happened.
We'll continue a friendly
but distant relationship.
Look down and smile
when we pass each other in the halls, and
one day, I will look at him
and wonder what I ever felt.
It's better that way.
It's just life.
It was a nice afternoon.
What did I expect?
That he was gonna take my face
in his hands and kiss me?
I'm not a teenager anymore.
I'm not even 35.
I don't want him to go.
- Oh God, you're freezing!
- Is that for me?
Oh. Oh.
Ah…
He might get very drunk
and be in no state for a long drive.
Um, you should get in the shower.
I'm gonna… I'm gonna turn it on.
Okay.
Agh!
The hot water is gonna run out.
- Oh!
- Your, um…
- Your hot water ran out.
- Oh.
- Crap.
- Oh my God, you're…
Just wait. Let me… Hold on.
- This is John's sweater.
- Ooh.
It's Irish wool.
Okay, just stay there.
I'll… I'll get your clothes.
Y'all callin' me crazy
When a bam-bam ballin' all day
Like Brady
Long hair, this wavy…
Oh. Oh God!
Oh dear. Oh, oh God!
Date me, look at your savings
You still waiting
Oh God.
Crazy, got 'em goin' crazy
None of these hatin'-ass bitches
Gon' faze me…
I've got you.
Vlad! Oh!
Ah…
No! Ow.
Vlad!
Oh wow.
Oh God!
Okay, let's just…
Okay, I'm gonna get you a little water.
Happy birthday…
Okay, just… just take a little.
Maybe some water would be--
You!
- Yeah?
- You're gonna take advantage of me?
- Is that what you want?
- You gonna do it?
- Vlad!
- No.
- Vlad, is that what you want?
- Mm…
- Vlad!
- Mm.
Okay, I'm just gonna
wake you up a little bit.
Oh! Oh!
Huh! Huh!
God, I… I thought Russians could drink.
Then I ball like Spalding
Can't call my bluff
When it, when it's my callin'
Won't duck, I'm all in
It's a brand new day, new pace,
Light joggin'…
In medieval,
or even Elizabethan agrarian times,
mothers would tie their babies to chairs
to keep them safe and upright
so they could go work in the fields.
Oh my God.
I mean
I stick to the point like a decimal
And that's coco-nuts, crazy amazing
Beaucoup bucks, pay me
Awful luxury saved me
Who knew you'd go fuckin' crazy?!
Crazy, got 'em goin' crazy
None of these hatin'-ass bitches
Gon' faze me
Crazy, got 'em going crazy
None of these hatin'-ass bitches
Gon' faze me
Huh! Huh!
None of these bitches gon' faze me
Huh! Huh!
Bitch, I got 'em goin' crazy, huh
Crazy
Oh…
Oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh…
It's good.
Oh, oh, oh, oh…
Oh.
Oh, oh, oh, oh…
It's just us.
He'll be grateful he wrote this.
Because of honesty.
He dropped his phone.
When he wakes up, I'll explain
he drank too much and I couldn't move him.
I'll just keep vigil.
Ooh
Ooh
Ooh
Ooh, ooh
Ooh
Ah, ah
Ah
Ah
Ah
Ah
What?