Youth (2026) s01e07 Episode Script

1
[phone chimes]
[urinating]
[phone chimes]
- [toilet flushing]
- [sink running]
[both chuckle]
- Let me in, I'm freezing!
- Oh, I can't wait.
[Alex] Now, I can't breathe!
[both laughing]
Okay, alright,
let's get you under there.
[mumbling] Alright.
What's the patch do, exactly?
Makes me exactly 50% less nuts.
- Mm.
- Keeps my vagina moist.
Do I not keep your vagina moist?
Aw, honey.
Nearly. [Laughing]
You can pull it off,
if you like.
- Ooh.
- It's done.
Yeah. [Grunting]
- Ow!
- Ooh, sorry.
- Just joking.
- [both laughing]
- Oh, God, I wouldn't bother.
- I'll just get that.
- That stuff's there for life.
- Oh, let me try.
Is it weird that I find
that romantic?
No, there is no finer
symptom of love
than the picking off of dried-in
estrogen patch glue.
[laughing]
[phone chiming]
[groans]
Lorcan's stupid leaving dinner.
- Okay.
- I'll never truly be free.
But now I do know
why you married him.
- Photoshop skills.
- [laughing]
[phone ringing]
- [scoffs]
- What's up?
She's just being so weird
with me at the moment.
Is it 'cause
you're slacking off?
What are you on about?
I'm not slacking off.
- Sorry, I mean working from home.
- No, I simply
- Alex, we're both slacking off.
- I I get more done.
- It's fine.
- She's pissed off with me
[phone chimes]
for selling a book.
[Sam] [on voice message]
Did you see the news?
Jessie got a nomination
- at the Women's Lit Awards!
- What the fudge?
[Sam] And a bloody
Lifetime Achievement Award
for Charlotte, thanks to me.
- Got nominations for awards!
- Hey, hey, hey!
[Sam]
Can you let Jessie know?
- What?
- You in today, by any chance?
Last time I won anything
was a year's supply of Tayto
when I was 12
in a hospital raffle.
Congratulations, darling.
I'm so happy for you.
What the hell?
- Am I having it all right now?
- Mm.
I mean [chuckles]
I have never had it all before.
Like, it's usually,
like, having some.
Or none.
- Having fuck-all?
- [laughing]
I'm gonna make us
celebratory teas and toasts.
- Yes!
- Then, we are going to get up
and we are going
to take this city!
Let's do it!
[Theme music playing]
Ah! ♪
Oh shit.
Wait, wait, wait! Wait!
Wait! Wait! Oh.
Come on, what?
Oh, come on.
[scoffs]
I should walk it.
- Yeah.
- Get my steps in.
They're good for you.
What a day for it.
Cities on return
are often strange ♪
["Favourite"
by Fontaines D.C. playing]
Yeah, now ♪
[Elizabeth Day] Let's get on
to your failure to say no
- to a good time.
- [Charlotte] Oh, yes.
I got cocktail poisoning
on a book tour in '89,
- which I think led to the first
- Morning.
[Charlotte]
of my mini strokes.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- Love your suit.
- Thank you.
You've been my favourite
for a long time ♪
[Alex] Morning.
- [Plum] Congratulations!
- Yay!
- Yay!
- I know, right? Is Sam here?
Yes, she asked me
to gather everyone soon
- for some champagne.
- Oh.
Fun! But just briefly, though,
Jessie Finlay called again.
And should I set a meeting?
'Cause she called
- a few times yesterday too.
- Yeah, no, I'll do it.
Eeeeh!
- Mum, Mum, get off me.
- [chuckles]
Oh, I just needed a quick hug.
I didn't see you this morning.
- 'Cause you were still in bed.
- I was catching up on reading
'cause I get more done at home.
How are you?
Did you sleep okay?
Oh, I slept so well.
Sleep really is the foundation
of everything, isn't it?
Mum, you're being weird.
Just stop.
- [laughing]
- Alex?
- Hey, you!
- Why are you smiling?
Why am I smiling? I I just
[Sam] I've just had Livid
on the phone,
absolutely frothing at the mouth
at Charlotte's
podcast interview.
- Okay.
- Apparently, she denied having a daughter?
I thought you were doing
the record with her?
Well, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, but then the you know,
the PR team just took over.
I'm actually
pretty cross with them.
It's like, loop me in, guys,
you know?
But, um, yeah.
Don't let her overshadow
our incredible achievement,
okay?
Have you called Jessie
about her nomination?
Yes, I called Jessie.
My God.
[mouths] "Fuck!"
[Sam] It's important to take
the time to celebrate.
We all deserve this.
We all worked to build a home
where writers can grow
- into award winners
- Ooh!
[Sam] international
bestsellers,
where they can expand into film.
We are currently cutting
a deal for Baby Fingers.
- Whoop!
- And What?
- Just, whoop. [Chuckles]
- Okay. And
[doorbell buzzing] - I've
always said I've had to work
twice as hard
as anyone in this industry
to get half as far,
but here I am.
- For Alex Shaw.
- Sometimes you have to sacrifice
- Are they flowers for me?
- [Plum] Yeah.
- Oh, my God! [Laughing]
- They're so huge!
- [Alex] Flowers for me!
- [both chuckle]
- Oh, my God, I need a vase.
- Alex, do you mind?
Oh, shit, sorry. Oh, my God.
- Carry on.
- Uh, yeah, so, you have to sacrifice a lot
- [whispering] Get me a vase.
- [Sam] And sometimes
- you barely recognize yourself
- [Alex] Heavy.
- Oh.
- by the end of it, so it has to be
worth it, um
-So, yeah.
-[Plum] I couldn't find a vase. Will this do?
- [Alex] Oh, really?
- Enjoy your champagne.
- So, I'll buy some now.
- [staff] Cheers.
Aww.
I was moved.
And I think everyone
found that to be Oh, okay.
- Look at my flowers!
- [Alex and Plum laughing]
- Nice frock.
- Sorry? What'd you say?
Just a nice nice frock.
Oh. [Chuckles] Thanks.
- [office phones ringing]
- [staff chattering]
Oh, are we still on
for drinks later?
- Yeah.
- Great.
- Nice britches.
- [doorbell buzzing]
How did you know I like flowers?
[Patrick] [on phone]
Did a little research on women.
[laughing]
I was thinking we should
celebrate. I'll take you out.
- What, kill me?
- [Patrick] Yeah.
Maybe just come
and take a seat on the sofa.
[Patrick] I'll make it quick.
You'll barely notice.
- Sound good?
- [Alex] Oh, I don't know.
- I've got a son.
- [Patrick] Fair enough. I won't.
[laughing] - [Patrick] Where
do you wanna go for lunch?
- Oh, I don't know.
- [knocking]
- Hi.
- [Plum] Alex.
Alex, sorry.
Jessie Finlay's here.
- Oh, she's here?
- [Plum] Yeah, um
- Oh, shit. Has she seen me?
- I don't know.
- Quick, close the curtain!
- [Patrick] Alex? Alex?
- Shit, she probably saw me.
- [Patrick] Hello?
- [laughing] Hi!
- [Patrick] Hello?
Hi, I'll call I'll call you,
uh, call you back.
[phone beeping]
- Jessie, I wasn't expecting
- I think I got followed here.
-You what? Shit.
-But I had to get out. I'm going mad.
Well, let's, uh, I I sent you
flowers. Did you get them?
-I'm staying in a hotel, so no. Why did you send me flowers?
-Why are you staying in a hotel?
- Well, because you were nominated
- Because there's a stalker
- freak outside my apartment.
- for bloody Best Newcomer!
Congratulations!
Uh, let's, um shit.
Oh, uh, let's, uh,
let's just, uh,
take a seat
somewhere more private.
Quickly.
That that sounds terrible,
that
stalker freak outside your
[phone chiming]
Did I say I think
he followed me here?
Uh, yeah. I I think we need
to involve the police
if someone's sitting
outside your house.
- You know I've been calling you.
- Do you know,
- I don't know how I missed
- [phone chimes]
- How I missed that.
- Can you stop checking your messages?
- No, I was
- You know, you used to call me
first thing every day.
It was a bit much.
You you can't make someone
depend on you like that
and then just fuck off.
- I'm sorry. I know.
- There's so much going on.
And I I can't cope
right now, and it's
- It's all your
- My my mum's not been well.
She's, um, she has diabetes,
and she got an infection
from an amputation, so
Oh, my God.
What what's been amputated?
- Her toe.
- Oh.
Two two toes.
- Oh, um, I'm No, I'm sorry.
- Yeah.
I I didn't realize
your mum was poorly.
I I thought you were
just being a flaky bitch.
- Yeah, no, I'm
- Babe.
- Oh, it's yeah.
- Aw.
Aww, flowers.
That that's nice.
At least you get celebrated.
[Alex] Oh, yeah, they're for
the nominations from
They're just Do you want them?
Whenever you're ready to send
over new pages, you know.
I have nothing yet, but
Oh, yeah, no, well,
no pressure at all.
But look, I'll see you
at the awards and
Yeah.
You bring back that cafetiere
in your own time.
- Yeah.
- Okay.
And congratulations again!
[sighs]
[sighs heavily]
- [phone chimes]
- Hey.
Sorry for interrupting
your speech with my flowers.
-You gonna celebrate tonight? You should.
-[Sam] Yeah.
I'm gonna celebrate
by going to bed at 8:30
once my husband's finished
sitting in his feelings.
Oh, God, I thought you were
pissed off with me.
You know, just walking around,
smug bitch, "having it all."
- Having what?
- It all.
You know,
just the the partner,
the happy kid, the job.
- Well, the balance that's
- Okay, I've left the chat.
Congratulations again!
- Hey.
- Hi.
[Plum]
Is your mum annoyed with me?
She's normally messaging me
all the time,
has me in
on all of her meetings.
I don't think so.
I mean, I think
she's just happy.
Oh, really?
Yeah, I mean,
I think she's happy.
I remember seeing her face
look like that
when I was about eight.
[chuckles]
I mean, it's weird,
but she hasn't hassled me
about anything in ages.
- Mm.
- So, I think we should just enjoy it.
- Hmm.
- [Freddie] Plum!
Oh, Freddie! [Chuckles]
So glad you could make it.
[Freddie] Alright?
- Yeah, good.
- Yeah?
[Freddie] Yeah, not too bad.
So yeah, I moved back
to Liverpool.
It's where I went to university,
and it's been great.
Are you working
at another agency there?
Um, no, not really.
I'm I'm sous cheffing
at Hooters.
Cool.
I worked in a bar for a while.
Hated it.
Sticky floors, creepy men.
Well, Hooters is more
of a family restaurant,
so we don't really get that.
So [chuckles]
There's creepy guys
everywhere, though.
That Malcolm Goblin guy,
he's a pervert.
- Is he?
- [Freddie] Oh, yeah.
- Yeah.
- I remember when he dropped his book off,
I shook his hand,
and then he smelt it afterwards,
- like straight away. [Laughing]
- What? Why?
I had to get him into his car
once when we repped him.
And he was drunk and, like,
pretended to lose balance,
and he lent on me and, like,
dangled his hand over my tit.
- It was gross.
- [chuckles]
[clears throat]
So, um, same again? On me?
Uh, or on Hooters, should I say!
[laughing]
Sorry that happened to you.
You should tell, like,
Sam or or my mum
- or something.
- No. No, he does it
in that way where
it's hard to be sure
if it's offensive even when
it's like happening to you.
So, yeah, don't really wanna
make a fuss for nothing.
You deserve the fuss.
I mean
Sorry.
Why?
I'm older than you.
Like in a position of power.
Well, my mum's your boss,
so I think I have the power.
[laughing]
- I like that you're older.
- Oh yeah?
'Cause older women
know more about wine
- and what we want in bed?
- [chuckles]
[Plum chuckles]
Joking.
I know fuck-all about wine.
[Freddie] Oi.
I forgot I haven't
been paid yet.
Right.
[podcaster] Having good sex
is the man's responsibility.
You have to make sure that
you can maintain your erection.
You have to be able to navigate
multiple things
at the same time
with your fingers,
with your tongue,
with your hands,
- and with your guy downstairs.
- Jeez.
[phone pings] - ["Sweet
Road" by Animal Collective playing]
It started like a stone ♪
I threw it out
but then reversed it ♪
I found sweet road ♪
It came announced
on the right ♪
I left my purse
but found the road ♪
- Oh!
- Don't leave me here.
[laughing]
I'm taking you
to Paris for lunch.
Nope. Can't have it all
if you're floozing around Paris.
- Mwah.
- [phone chimes]
Shit.
Oh, shit, I really have to go.
Mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah,
mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah.
- Brussels?
- [laughing]
[podcaster] It's not enough
just to be hard.
You owe it to your woman
to be 30% harder!
- What the hell are you listening to?
- Mum!
- Stop.
- What
Men have never interested me
beyond sexual relations,
because they've never
understood me, darling.
And is it fair to say
that your career
has affected
your family life, too?
Well, my mother died
when I was very young.
And my father was
a malignant boil of a man,
so I suppose in many ways
[Liv and Charlotte]
My books are my only family now.
My parents, my children.
My mother should be supervised,
like a brain sick toddler
by a pool!
The very least,
you could have warned me
that she was going
to deny me thrice!
Yeah. Yeah.
Was it was it thrice?
- Okay, yeah.
- The care of my mother falls to me alone.
All day long and during
the hours of darkness.
- Senility doesn't keep a diary.
- I can see you're upset, and I
- Of course, I'm bloody upset!
- [clears throat]
I do more for that woman
than you will ever know,
and yet I get written
out of existence.
- Well, look, I
- Look, I want a press release.
Okay, I think it's gonna be hard
to get traction on that.
Well, I play bridge with the
subeditor of the Telegraph, so
Oh, no, I'm not
I'm not convinced
it's it's the right route.
Look, I I, uh
I see all that you do
for your mum.
And I and I see it
go unappreciated.
The thing is,
she's never gonna see it.
So, maybe you need
to stop expecting her to.
May maybe it's time you start
making yourself happy.
- [sighs]
- Yeah?
Okay.
This was good, wasn't it?
Did you find it helpful?
I'm glad we did this.
- What?
- Nothing.
No, just good day.
Oh, I'm gonna go and see, uh,
Nana and Granddad tomorrow.
-Do you wanna come? It's been a while.
-No. No.
- Is that okay?
- I don't know.
I mean, they're not gonna be
alive much longer,
- and then you'll feel
- Well, Plum asked me for a drink, so
Oh, I didn't know
you two were an item.
We're like, talking.
[Alex] You're talking?
That's modern.
You know, it's your dad's
leaving dinner in the evening.
- Why'd no one tell me?
- I put it in the shared calendar.
- Where's the shared calendar?
- It's in the in your phone!
Oh, Mum, I've never used that
in my entire life!
- [phone dings]
- Fuck's sake.
Wow.
- Older woman.
- She's 21, Mum.
- Yeah, but she's a woman, you know.
- [phone chimes]
She knows what she wants
and how to get it.
- Do you feel amazing? Oh!
- [phone chimes]
You're gonna feel amazing, you
know? Gonna be the making of you.
I don't know if you've noticed,
but I'm chuffed at the moment.
- Tesco's?
- Huh?
Nothing. I've gotta go.
I'll see you later.
Where are you What?
Ruari!
If you're going to Tesco's,
get me eggs!
- Hey.
- Hey.
- Ah.
- Hello, Patrick.
- [Alex] Where's, uh
- Delly's changing, um, what's-her-name.
Oh, Maude, Dad.
[chuckles]
You remember Patrick?
- Hey, Wally. How are you?
- Ah, Maude.
Oh. Lovely baby.
Mm.
First grandson
is so special, eh?
Ruari, Wally.
Ruari is the grandson.
Yes, I know.
Hey! There she is.
- Hi.
- [Wally] How are ya, boy?
- Alright, stranger.
- Aw.
So, you got out of bed then?
Hey, come here.
Has, uh
- Has Dad gotten a bit worse?
- Mm.
He just Mum Mum looks upset.
Yeah, well, he asked me
if I'd had a busy day
about five times.
I'm like, yeah, busy answering
this fucking question again.
- [laughing]
- [Patrick] Hey.
- Oh, hi.
- Oh, hello, Maudey.
- Let's see what you've got then.
- Oh, you're a heavy wee one.
- What are you feeding her?
- Just your regular tit milk.
[Alex and Patrick chuckle] - Oh, okay.
Do you wanna go and see some ducks?
- Yeah. She likes ducks.
- [laughing]
- Alright.
- She also likes duck shit,
- so keep an eye.
- [Patrick] Okay.
Hey, come on, you.
Let's go.
[Alex chuckles]
Hi, Mum.
- He's great, isn't he?
- Yeah.
He's so chill.
- Nothing fazes him.
- Hm.
[Maggie]
Does he have children, Alex?
[Alex] No, he decided
it wasn't for him.
He looks lovely with a baby.
He should take his shirt off.
- Sorry. It's been a while.
- [chuckles]
Your dad looks old next to him.
Jesus, where does the time go?
Sure it's ourselves
who spend it, girls,
so spend it wisely.
Yeah, I've been
thinking the same.
Patrick and I wanna go to Paris.
Oh, hm, yeah. When?
Just 'cause, you know, the both
of us really need to be around
when Mum gets back on her feet,
'cause she can't rely on Dad anymore.
- Oh, well, no.
- Yeah, no, I just I
- I hadn't realized, I mean
- Well, if you were present at all, you might have.
Delly!
I am a single parent with
[laughing] What the fuck
do you think that is?
-[Alex] What the hell? Will you just calm down
-[Maggie] Stop it now.
instead of jumping down my
Christ, that girl needs a shag.
[Maggie chuckles]
[glass clinking]
Everyone, I just I just
wanna mark this, uh, occasion.
- [shushing]
- [Lorcan] Thank you.
You know, it's funny,
when I was just starting out,
I wrote myself a check
for one million pounds.
That, my friends,
is called manifesting.
You're getting paid
a million pounds?
That is an exorbitant
amount of money.
- [Alex] What the hell?
- Well, no.
Dinner is on the Lorcan-Meister.
- [Alex] Are you joking?!
- I'm not getting paid a million pounds.
- Oh.
- But he is getting paid a lot.
[Lorcan] Yeah.
Anyway, the last thing
I thought to ask for
was to be whisked off to space
for the gig of a lifetime
with my soulmate.
But it happened.
So, here's to my last night
on Earth.
- [speaking in Floxax17 language]
- [stifled laugh]
And enjoy! Cheers.
[all] Cheers.
[Frank]
Whatever you just said, mate,
- good luck to you.
- [Lorcan] Thanks, Frankie.
Oh, that's a lovely drop.
It's water, Frank.
We've all had it.
I don't wanna get
all drippy with you,
but, ah, it seems
like only yesterday
when you were knee-high,
doing all those
- self-tape auditions with me.
- Yeah.
Look how they've paid off.
[patting]
- Moussaka.
- [people chattering]
- Moussaka.
- Oh, me too? Great.
Moussaka.
- [Lorcan] Oh, yeah.
- [Alex] Sorry, what?
- Moussaka.
- [Alex] I haven't even
seen a menu yet, I didn't
- Moussaka.
- [Sam] Thank you.
[Lorcan]
I ordered for the table.
- I thought, keep it simple.
- [server] And Moussaka.
And who doesn't like Moussaka?
And, you know, I think you two
are really good together.
- Just wanted to say.
- [both] Thank you.
Do you have a glass
with a thinner stem?
- [server] I'll take it.
- [Alex scoffs softly]
It's okay.
Just engage your sphincter.
Thank God you're here.
Can I get a lovely
sparkling water, please?
- Okay.
- Frankie, no?
Di-di-di ah.
[Patrick]
How is recovery going?
Oh, it's going great. Yeah.
Therapy's, mwah.
Do you do it?
I love a bit of therapy.
I need it.
- You know, it's been two and a half months now.
- [Frank] Yeah?
- Yeah.
- [Frank] Oh, listen.
It's the best thing
I've ever done.
Yeah, we've entered the
"what's toxic in my life?" stage.
Yeah, you know.
So far, I've blacklisted
plastic utensils,
blue lights, mother.
[laughter]
Crikey, what's next?
[laughing]
[Frank] Mm.
- [toilet flushing]
- [Sam] Why is this happening
at this stage of my life?
Now, every time
he goes to therapy,
I'll think, this is the one
where they decide
I'm next for the chop,
that I'm the problem.
Well, look, you can't
control that, can you?
What if she makes him think
it's our relationship
- that's toxic?
- Why, do you think it is?
No, Alex, I don't.
Tell you what is toxic.
Anyone that uses
the word "soulmate."
[laughing] I know.
Fucking soulmate, my hole, mate.
Theresa was literally
the first woman he met
[gasps]
after me.
Seriously, she was
She was his landlady
when he moved out of our house.
Literally the first woman
he interacted with.
No, I lie, the girl who sold him
his cardboard boxes
- to pack his stupid shit into.
- [laughing]
[toilet flushing] -That
was the first [laughing]
Heeeyyy!
[groaning softly]
[whispering]
She didn't wash her hands.
[Patrick] So, how do you
prepare for a character
such as the one
you're about to embark on?
[phone pings] - [Lorcan]
Well, it just becomes your life.
[Patrick] Is it a method?
Are are you method?
[Lorcan]
It's just everything.
I mean, this one's based
on a video game, so
It's not something I really feel
comfortable talking about.
- [overlapping chatter]
- [Frank] Oh, ladies.
- Oh, ladies are back.
- Absolutely.
- Oh, God.
- [Theresa] Gonna yeah.
[glass clinking]
I'd like to say something.
- Ah.
- Um [clearing throat]
[sighs] My heartbeat.
It's it's remarkable
how one door closing
A marriage ending can make way
for such abundance and beauty.
This is everything we deserve,
and I'm so excited
for our future.
Especially because, and I
I know Lorcan won't mind me
saying this.
- Saying what?
- Um, he has recently
reversed his vasectomy.
So, Alex, you really
don't need to worry
about how
I'll fill my time anymore,
- because I'm gonna be having a baby, okay?
- [Lorcan] Thanks, babe.
- Thanks.
- Okay.
[Alex] Are you joking me?
You're you're having
another kid?
- Yes, we are.
- Well
You've a perfectly good teenager
sat at home.
- It's fine, Mum.
- No, it's not fine.
He's been
phoning it in for years.
- [Lorcan] Oh, come on, Alex.
- No, you are a subpar dad.
You are father-ish at best,
and now you're gonna go again?
Why?
'Cause you wanna
get it right this time?
Well, good luck playing horsey
on those crumbling knees.
Oh, that's a bit harsh.
- Oh, that's harsh?
- Alex, Alex.
Uh, I'm gonna go now,
if that's alright.
You happy now?
You've embarrassed him.
No, she hasn't.
She never embarrasses me.
Got plans.
You don't have to be
all weird and quiet.
It's fine.
Have fun in Toronto, Dad.
I'm gonna miss you, buddy.
I mean that.
Yeah, well, I'll see you
in a few weeks.
[chuckles] I'm contracted
for eight months, bud, so
Yeah, but hasn't
worked out before.
So, see ya.
Just to play devil's advocate,
I, for one, am happy for you.
- Thanks, Frank.
- [Theresa] What does that mean?
- What does what mean?
- That it hasn't worked out before.
- What hasn't worked out before?
- Ah, you know, pilots,
- stuff like that, just doesn't get picked up.
- [lullaby chiming]
Oh, it's 9:00 p.m.
Bedtime for Frank.
- Just stop with the digs.
- Help.
I'm redundant.
I've lost my job managing Frank.
-[sighs] You know what? You stay here.
-[Theresa indistinct]
- I'm getting a cab.
- [Lorcan] It's not likely.
[Theresa] You know
I've sold my house.
[Frank] My health's a mess,
so stay here.
[Lorcan]
I'm confident it'll work out.
- ["Paris!" by AYLØ playing]
- [lips smacking]
Dammit ♪
I awoke in someone's arms ♪
[Plum chuckles]
On a terrace ♪
- Oh. [Laughing]
- [Ruari] [chuckles] Sorry.
- Careless ♪
- [Plum chuckles]
'Cause when she moves,
I'm a fool, oh baby ♪
Oh dammit, babe ♪
We're all damaged, baby ♪
Sorry, just one sec.
I've got, um, bus hands.
I just
- Yeah.
- I'm just gonna wash them quick.
- I'll just be a sec.
- Okay.
[sighs]
[exhales]
[water running]
[glass thuds]
Oh, for fuck's sake.
[exhales sharply]
[Awkward music playing]
[inhales sharply]
Fuck.
Sorry, Plum, but I've got
Plum?
["Feel away"
by slowthai playing]
[softly] Shit.
You revealed who you are ♪
So this doesn't feel
like a love ♪
Heart for sale,
heart for sale ♪
This time, I'll ♪
This time, we'll ♪
Built to scale ♪
Not built to fail ♪
This time, I'll ♪
[people chattering]
Suddenly not half the man
I used to be ♪
But truthfully, ain't half
the bitch you could've been ♪
It's not you,
so I guess it's me ♪
It's not you,
so I guess it's me ♪
Suddenly not half the man
I used to be ♪
But truthfully, ain't half
the bitch you could've been ♪
[Alex] I wanted him to have
a vasectomy when we were
When we were together,
but he actually thought
it meant he
He'd lose his balls.
[laughing] -I have to
have a piss. I'm so sorry.
- Okay.
- Beer, wine, soup?
- [laughing] Tea?
- Tea.
Help yourself, and, uh,
don't look in the sink.
Okay.
[door opens, closes]
I can't stop thinking
about Sam and Frank.
- [Patrick] I know!
- Like, how did they go
from being the happiest couple
in the room to that?
[Patrick] I wouldn't call them
the happiest couple in the room.
I always got more of a whiff
of murder-suicide off 'em.
Patrick!
[Patrick] No?
- No.
- [urine splashing]
Can we make a pact
to just not end up like that?
And to never stop
having oral sex.
[Patrick]
To never stop having oral sex?
Never stop?
I mean, it sounds great,
but I've got ambitions.
- [chuckles]
- [toilet flushing]
[Patrick]
I'm willing to give it a go.
Maybe we could set
a world record,
or something, you know?
But I might have to do
some special exercises
or, uh, I don't know,
change my diet?
I'd definitely have to change
my job, 'cause I don't think
I can fit it all in, you know.
But either way,
I promise to still be going
down on you when you're 90.
Alex?
[people chattering]
[phone ringing]
[ringing stops]
["3WW" by alt-J playing]
There was a wayward lad ♪
Stepped out one morning ♪
The ground to be his bed ♪
The sky his awning ♪
Neon, neon, neon ♪
A blue neon lamp
in a midnight country field ♪
Cows surround,
so you lean on, lean on ♪
So much your hugs
become hold-ons ♪