Funny AF with Kevin Hart (2026) s01e08 Episode Script

1
[tense hip-hop music playing]
Tonight is the big one.
Four comedians will deliver
the most important set of their lives.
And it's all in your hands.
You, the global audience at home,
will determine our winner.
Welcome to the live finale of Funny AF.
- [crowd cheering]
- [music concludes]
- [upbeat hip-hop music plays, fades]
- Yeah! The greatest! ♪
The comedian going through
to tomorrow's live finale is
- Usama!
- Whoo!
- [Kevin] Ron! Caitlin!
- [upbeat hip-hop music playing]
- [Kevin] Reg!
- Let's fucking go!
[Kevin] This is it. The finale.
One final performance to go
from dreaming of stardom to being a star
by winning their very own Netflix special.
Tonight, the power to pick that star
is yours with live voting in real time.
Growing up, I was,
like, praying five times a day.
I was going to the mosque every day.
Then I had sex once, and I was like,
- "God might not be real."
- [crowd laughing]
I got invited to a Friendsgiving
that turned out to be an orgy,
- and I was like, "By the key lime pie?!"
- [crowd laughing]
"You eat animals? That's terrible.
That's like eating your pet."
I ain't gonna eat my pet,
- but I'd eat your pet.
- [crowd laughing]
I think there should be
a special sex ed class for boys.
I want Sesame Street teaching this shit.
I want a "Finger Me Elmo"
in every classroom.
- [crowd laughing, cheering]
- [Kevin] Who's your next comedy legend?
[Usama] This will be
the most important day of my life.
[Reg] I'm just going balls to the wall.
I'm going as hard as I can.
[Caitlin] If you like loud bitches,
vote for me.
[Ron] It's time to bring the heat.
[Kevin] Tonight, you will crown
- our champion.
- ["Different Level" playing]
I wanna grow to be the man
That I know plenty honor ♪
They ask me if I'm gonna tell 'em
I say, "No, Your Honor" ♪
You see me chillin' with
The chick that look like Pocahontas ♪
- [Kevin] Yeah!
- [crowd cheering]
Can predict what's gonna happen
Like I'm Nostradamus ♪
You heard me right, I see the future
I'm just being honest ♪
Thank you.
Thank you.
[crowd cheering, applauding]
[chuckles] Sit down.
Sit down. Sit down. Sit down.
Sit down.
Thank you guys so much.
Much appreciated, as usual.
- [song concludes]
- Uh, I want to welcome you guys.
I want to welcome you guys
to our top four comics.
And I also want to let you know, man,
these top four comics have killed it
at every stage of this competition.
Got to understand, to make it
to this moment, it's a big fucking deal.
It's a really big deal.
And now that they've made it here,
well, they got one last shot.
They got one last shot
because in the next hour,
you, watching live at home,
you get to pick the winner.
I repeat, you, watching live at home,
get to pick the winner.
And the prize, well, the prize
is the most coveted opportunity in comedy.
- It's a one-hour Netflix comedy special.
- [crowd cheering]
Yes.
Huge. Huge!
You know, with this show,
I set out to find
the next great stand-up comedian,
a voice that doesn't just belong
to the next generation of comedy,
but it defines it, right?
Someone original, someone undeniable,
someone that has the kind of presence
that shifts the room and reminds you
why stand-up comedy matters
in the first place.
The big question is,
well, who will win it all?
Once again, it's not up to me,
it's up to you.
It's up to you at home, okay?
So, what I want to do right now,
I want to do
a quick little tester vote, all right?
I just want to make sure
that you've got everything down,
that you know what you're doing.
All right, the question's below.
Here's the question below.
I want you to get to it.
Vote right now on your TV. On your TV.
Get your remote. Get your remote.
Get your lazy ass up
and get your fucking remote.
[crowd laughing]
See, I want to make sure
that you guys understand this, man.
Everybody at home
watching this on the platform,
you have somebody's career
in your fucking hands.
So, don't be a lazy ass
and avoid the opportunity to fucking vote.
- Get your ass up. Get your control.
- [crowd cheering, applauding]
Use the device.
Now, I don't mean to cuss at you.
I'm sorry. I'm passionate.
I'm hype right now.
Guys, when I say go vote,
understand that you have one minute.
You have one minute to vote.
If you're having any trouble voting,
here's what you can do.
You can, uh--
I mean, I can't do much for you.
You can go online,
go to the Netflix Help Center,
and from there, you're on your own.
I don't know
what the fuck happens after that, okay?
Wait, the results are coming in
right now, and it looks like
it looks like most of you
are planning to vote.
Okay, good.
That was a test question at the bottom.
Most of you are planning
to do the right thing.
These comics
are going to need you tonight.
I cannot stress that enough.
They need you.
All right, with that being said,
who's ready for a great show? Hmm?
- [crowd cheering, applauding]
- All right.
- That's not good enough.
- [crowd cheering]
- That's not good enough.
- [crowd cheering]
- Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
- [crowd cheering louder]
That's what I wanna hear.
Joining me for the final showdown
are two comedy legends.
Two comedy legends who've been essential
to getting us to this point,
this very moment, okay?
They have both delivered specials
on their own,
amazing specials,
so they know how big of a deal this is.
Guys, do me a favor,
please show your love for my pals,
Tom Segura and Nikki Glaser, yes!
- [crowd cheering, applauding]
- [upbeat music playing]
- Yes.
- [music concludes]
- [Kevin] Welcome back, guys.
- So great to be back.
- I'm so excited for tonight.
- It feels nice.
First and foremost,
Nikki, you look beautiful.
- Tom, you look amazing.
- Thank you.
I gotta say, guys,
thank you for being a part of the process.
- [Nikki] Oh, this was really fun.
- The comics that have made it this far
have went through a crazy amount
of stages to get here.
And your voices and your,
let's say, like your breakdowns
as to what you like, what you didn't like,
all of that stuff was necessary.
It was all needed. But this moment,
this moment right now,
for our audience watching at home,
for our audience that's live with us,
can you revert back to anything
with this type of pressure
that you had to experience
in your career, Nikki?
Oh, yeah, I mean,
tonight is such a huge night.
We are really going to crown
the next comedy star, I believe,
and change someone's life
with a Netflix special.
And I was thinking back about
when I got my first Netflix special,
everything changed after that.
You're suddenly going to clubs
and people are coming out to see you
as opposed to just
because they have a Groupon
- or they won tickets on the radio.
- [Kevin] Yeah.
Like, when you are able
to show up at a place
and people are there to see you,
that's a defining moment
that I don't think
most people understand is like,
happens in a comic's life.
And that was
the changing moment for me.
So, tonight someone's gonna get
their first Netflix special.
- It's insane.
- [Kevin] Huge. Huge.
- It's a big deal.
- [crowd cheering]
- Tom, a vet in the game, man.
- [Tom] Yeah.
You know, you've been in the comedy game
for quite some time,
a tremendous amount of success you have
and that you still are having.
Can you go back
to any moment in your career
that gives you the same level of pressure
that our four comics performing tonight
are going to experience?
Well, I mean, this is live,
so they got bigger balls than me.
But I remember when I did
my half-hour special the first time,
and they were like,
"This is going to change your career."
- And it definitely did not, did nothing.
- [crowd laughing]
But [chuckles] the thing that did--
The half hour did shit.
- [Nikki] The half hour was worthless.
- It did nothing. But I'll tell you, Kev,
- what did change my career
- What's that?
was the first time
I got a Netflix special.
- There you go. There you go.
- That changed my career.
- [crowd cheering]
- There you go.
It is a massive deal. A massive deal.
And Nikki, I love what you said.
You know, it's all about
the difference and understanding
when you have fans
that resonate with what you do,
with your craft,
that are now coming out to see you.
- It's game changing. Game changing.
- Yeah. And to people
that are watching at home
and finding their new favorite comic
for the first time on the show,
look them up.
Go see them at a club near you.
These people are touring all the time.
They're coming to places near you.
- Go see live comedy and support them.
- Go see live comedy. Yes.
- Yes.
- Not just us.
- Go to little comedy clubs.
- Yes.
- [Nikki] Strip malls.
- Yes.
- Go see it.
- All right.
Guys, I don't want to waste time.
I want to get to it, man.
Uh, listen, guys,
you have to make a big sacrifice.
We all do, especially in this career.
You got to make sacrifices
to follow your comedy dream.
But this guy,
well, he went above and beyond.
- Here is Usama Siddiquee.
- [crowd cheering]
Fourteen years ago,
I just had done the MCAT,
which is the entrance exam
for medical school,
uh, and I had this inkling
in my body to do comedy.
- [upbeat hip-hop music playing]
- [Usama] I told my mom and dad
the day before
I was going to med school,
"Hey, I'm gonna do comedy."
And they loved it.
They loved it.
They were like, "Are you gay, too?"
"Please, let's just go all the way."
They were completely devastated.
[slow emotional music playing]
[Usama] When I came to New York
to go for it, it was, like,
my friend, who's a comic,
had like this squatter's den
he was living in in Canarsie.
And he was like,
"Hey, man, you can live here."
"There's no water supply,
but there's no rent."
There it is. That's the house.
The crack villa.
There was a porta potty
that we had to use.
And like every four days in the night,
we'd like carry this vat full of piss
and we'd just like pour it
into the sewage system.
And I was just living like that
and I felt so good.
I was like just doing as much comedy
as humanly possible
because I was like, "I love this
more than I hate the circumstances."
The single most powerful thing you can do
as a comic is release a Netflix special.
So I hope to make my parents proud
and make everything worth it.
[crowd applauding and cheering]
[Kevin] All right, give it up
for Usama Siddiquee!
- [upbeat hip-hop music playing]
- [crowd applauding, cheering]
- [music fades]
- Keep it going, keep it going.
[laughs]
All right, all right, all right,
all right, all right.
Sit down, sit down, sit down.
[speaking gibberish]
- [crowd chanting] Usama! Usama! Usama!
- [laughs]
- L.A., how we doing?
- [crowd cheering]
[Usama laughs]
I love L.A., my uncle,
I was hanging out with him all day.
Eighty-five years old.
Some of us got the 80-plus fam.
We love 'em.
They be saying random stuff, right?
We're just hanging out watching YouTube,
out of nowhere, he's like
- [imitates uncle] "I don't like"
- [crowd laughing]
I'm like, "What?"
He's like, "I don't like living."
[crowd laughing]
[in normal voice] Pretty sad, right?
What made this sadder
is that he said this
while we were watching
one of my stand-up videos.
[crowd laughing]
Ouch. He's like
[imitates uncle] "This is not comedy.
I will show you some comedy."
[in normal voice] He starts typing in,
"Asians are very," I unplug the TV.
Bro, I don't know
[laughs] where he's going with that.
I love my uncle, man,
he's the best homophobe I know.
[crowd laughing]
It's different, we grew up in Texas,
it's different.
You know, New York, L.A.,
very gay friendly, it's the best.
I'm from Texas, where they're like
[in Texan accent] "If I see a rainbow
in the sky, I shoot it." [laughs]
"Okay?"
"And I keep shooting that thing
till the only colors left
are red, white,
and fucking blue." [laughs]
- [crowd laughing, applauding]
- [laughs mockingly]
"Yeah."
"And I keep shooting that
till the only color left is white."
"Am I right? Come on now."
[speaking gibberish]
[in normal voice] Don't be homophobic,
straight guys. Don't be homophobic.
Because every straight dude,
we all got gay moments in our day.
Right? You think he's straight?
Not when he's waking up.
How does he wake up? He's like
[moaning]
[crowd laughing, applauding]
Bro, waking up is kind of gay. [laughs]
Right? [moaning]
That first yawn, too. [yawns] Bro!
Sounds like you're taking a dick
in your butt, brother.
[laughs] Every dude here is like,
"I don't wake up like that."
"Okay? I wake up like
[snorts] let's go."
[scoffs] "Hustle grind."
- "Pussy."
- [crowd laughing]
You just gotta know yourself, man.
I'm a Brown guy, you know?
I did the 23andMe.
DNA testing, I'm Brown.
Kevin, I'm so Brown.
The paper was like,
"You are 7-Eleven percent Brown."
- Oh, no. No. No, no, no.
- [crowd laughing]
- [laughing]
- [crowd cheering, applauding]
Can we say, white dudes
were getting a little goofy
with 23andMe, a little bit?
One of my white friends
got back 3% Iranian.
Next day, he bought a hookah lounge.
[crowd laughing]
This is the whitest dude from Connecticut.
Now he's like
[in Iranian accent] "Hello, my friend."
[in normal voice]
I'm like, "Listen, Dylan."
He's like [in Iranian accent]
"It's Di-lan." [laughs]
"Please sit down, have some hummus."
[in normal voice]
I'm like, "You White fuck,
- that is mayonnaise, okay?"
- [crowd laughing]
You know, 23andMe
was doing forensics for a little bit.
You know about this?
Like, if a family member did it,
you commit a crime, they can
cross-check the DNA to get you.
Y'all heard about this?
How funny is that?
Imagine you're a perfect
serial killer, right?
You dissolve the bodies
in hydrofluoric acid,
put 'em in a drum,
drive out to the woods,
bury the bodies 40 feet deep,
and you get caught
because your fourth cousin
is like, "Am I Cherokee?" [laughs]
[crowd laughing, applauding]
- [ululates]
- [crowd laughing, cheering]
"That's hello, I think."
If I ever got caught like that,
I'd be like, "Listen, I'll go to jail."
"Let me just kill one more person."
[laughs] All right?
- [crowd laughing]
- [laughs]
Oh, my God, man. Just go travel.
That's how you learn, you know?
Y'all been to Europe?
That's where I was, like, all last week.
I was in Europe.
You know what's so crazy
about Americans in Europe?
In America, we're all different
politically, right?
Then we go to Europe,
we all become American.
- [crowd laughing]
- Immediately, right?
Like, here in America,
I'm like a left-wing,
you know, oat milk.
You know, I'm like
a femboy pussy Labubu, right?
[crowd laughing]
Then I go to Europe,
take one look around, I'm like,
"Me and the boys
could take this shit over and do it."
[laughs, imitates machine gun]
"Get her fucking done!"
[crowd laughing]
In America, I'm ordering lattes like
[in SoCal accent]
"Can you add some lavender?"
- [in normal voice] You know what I mean?
- [crowd laughing]
Then I go to Europe and I'm like,
"Soccer's fucking gay, all right?"
"It's fucking gay is what it is."
Europeans are soft, Kevin.
It's what happens to you when
your healthcare system actually works.
- [crowd laughing]
- [Usama] Right?
- [crowd cheering, applauding]
- [Usama] Right?
They're saying crazy shit, like
[in mock European accent] "Had a disease,
went to the doctor,
no longer have the disease."
[in normal voice] America, we're like,
"We're bringing back polio, motherfucker."
- [laughs]
- [crowd laughing]
I will say Germans are kind of scary,
the ones that I met,
when they're speaking German.
Right? Then they say one word in English,
and it's like,
"We could beat you up, I think."
Right? Because they're like
[imitates speaking German]
Then they're like [in German accent]
"You have to come to Berlin."
- [in normal voice] It's like
- [crowd laughing, applauding]
Huh?
Why does every German guy go
through a sex change
on the way to English, bro?
Right? [imitates speaking German]
[in German accent]
"Put your fucking hands up."
- "Oh." [chuckles]
- [crowd laughing]
"Ooh, we're raving now in Frankfurt."
"We're raving now in Häagen-Dazs."
[in normal voice]
Last thing I'll say to the boys, man,
hey, if you're out in the streets,
wrap it up, all right?
I wear a condom.
I'm a condom guy.
I'm a condom in wallet guy, low key.
[laughs] Every girl I know hates it.
My ex was like, "Condom in wallet?
That's fucking creepy."
I'm like, "Where else you want us
to put it?"
Wouldn't it be creepier
if you're like, "Where's your condom?"
- And I was like [laughs, wheezes]
- [crowd laughing]
[groans]
Even creepier if I took my pants off
and I was already wearing it.
[laughs] I was like, "Yeah,
I've been hard this entire date."
[laughs] Y'all have been great.
Thank y'all so much.
So funny.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
- Thank you, thank you, thank you.
- [crowd cheering]
Thank you. Whoo! [laughs]
- Thank you, thank you.
- [crowd applauding]
- [Kevin] Yes, man.
- [laughs]
Thank you, thank you.
[Kevin] Well deserved, well deserved.
You know, Usama, man, I
I just gotta say,
your material of choice, dude,
it just continues to impress me.
I love how you weave
in and out of your topics.
I love how you make them personable
and make the audience,
basically, you put them in a space
to see the pictures
that you're painting and immediately
embrace your stories and your world, man.
And there's such a nice flow to it, right?
Like, I'm never stuck outside
of what you're talking about.
Amazing set tonight.
- What do you guys think?
- [Usama] Thank you.
Same thing. The flow was amazing.
We didn't even know
where the next joke started
or the last one ended.
You just came out of the gate.
You're a killer.
- Like you just killed the entire time.
- [crowd cheering]
Which I don't think
other people understand
how difficult that is
to just out of the gate
and keep crushing the entire time.
And I also want to say,
I just really appreciate
how you just wring everything out
of a premise that you can.
Like, as soon as you think it's over
You could have ended on the
He shoots until it's red, white, and blue,
but then you were like,
"Then he just wants it to be white."
Like, that extra thing was like,
that's next level.
- Thank you, thank you.
- Great job tonight. Amazing.
- [Usama] Thank you, thank you.
- [crowd cheering]
Dude, you crushed,
and the joke, it's smart,
you have smart comedy,
and I like that you
have physical stuff too,
but some of the jokes,
I love hearing something
that I've never Like, "Waking up is gay,"
- is so funny.
- [crowd laughing]
It's so funny,
and you had so many great jokes.
- [Usama] Thank you.
- Tom and I both looked at each other
like, "Why have we never thought of that?"
- I know.
- It was like one of those moments.
Yeah, she has so many gay jokes,
but where's that one, you know?
- You're the originator, dude.
- [laughs]
[Usama] Thank you, thank you.
Guys, one more time,
show your love, please.
- Usama Siddiquee, one time.
- [crowd cheering]
- [upbeat hip-hop music playing]
- [Kevin] Wow. Wow.
Wow.
What we are not gonna do
is lose that energy.
We're gonna keep it going.
I understand it's hard to survive,
especially when you're
starting out in comedy.
And this guy, this guy did
just about everything there is to do
to stay afloat as he followed his dreams.
Ladies and gentlemen,
here's Ron Taylor.
- Take a look.
- [crowd cheering]
- All right, I'm in this bitch.
- [upbeat funky music playing]
[Ron] The finals, I made it.
Slinging these jokes, man,
this has been the best job I've had.
I've been a lifeguard.
Door guy. I sold donuts.
And the job I have now,
which will not be named.
And I'm not even gonna tell y'all
where I work,
because I don't want to be harassed.
And you know what?
The ice cream's delicious, so fuck you.
Now, the reason
I've had those different jobs
is more to fill the time.
I've never had nothing to pay for.
I ain't have no place,
no house, no nothing.
I lived in a van from 2015 till 2023.
Till it got taken.
I guess if you don't register the tags
or whatever, it can't be on the street.
So L.A. stole my van.
Winning this would be validating.
Not to mention
that I can buy me a new van,
I can stop scooping ice cream,
I can get crab legs,
and get me a nice young lady
to write comedy jokes with. [laughs]
[crowd applauding]
[Kevin] Oh, boy. Ladies and gentlemen,
make some goddamn noise for Ron Taylor!
- [upbeat hip-hop music playing]
- [crowd cheering]
- [music concludes]
- [crowd applauding]
Yeah.
- Yeah, sit down, sit down. L.A.
- [crowd cheering]
Party town.
Yeah, I had to quit partying. I had to.
I can't party like I used to.
I stopped drinking as much.
All the rules around drinking
is fucked up.
Feel like a setup.
You can't drink and drive.
What the fuck is the cup holder for?
[crowd laughing]
You can't drink and drive,
why is there a parking lot
at the liquor store?
How the fuck you think I got here,
on horseback?
- [crowd laughing]
- Let me in this bitch.
It's a setup, then you drink, you drive,
you go to jail.
- What?
- [crowd laughing]
What year are we in?
You can't do something better?
Give drunk drivers,
like, a lane or something.
- [laughs]
- [crowd laughing]
A drunk driving lane.
There's a lane for everything else.
You got a carpool lane, a bus lane,
a bike lane. A bike lane?
- Get on the bus, you broke bitch.
- [crowd laughing]
[crowd applauding, cheering]
We driving out here. [laughs]
And I'll help design it, goddammit.
I'll make it just like, you know,
when you take kids bowling,
you pull the bumpers up on the side,
where you just,
"Oh, wait, shit, oh, shit."
"Wait, oh, wait, there it is, hold up."
Get where you need to go.
Don't just lock me up.
And then the age.
How old you gotta be to drink?
- Twenty-one. Why? Says who?
- [crowd] Twenty-one.
[crowd laughing]
Why not 20? Why not 22?
What the fuck is so special about 21?
This ain't blackjack.
[crowd laughing]
You know how many
other dangerous things you can do
before you're 21?
- All of them.
- [crowd laughing]
You can do all the dangerous things.
You can drive a car. You can have a gun.
You can be in the war,
fighting for motherfuckers' freedom.
You-- [chuckles] This is the craziest one.
You can do porn.
[crowd laughing]
Is that not crazy to y'all,
that you can suck dick legally?
- [crowd laughing]
- Pay taxes on it.
[crowd laughing, applauding]
- [Ron] Yeah, that's your real employment.
- [crowd cheering, applauding]
And that's the fucked up thing.
You can do it for a while.
After about 18, 19, 20,
you ain't no rookie, you a vet.
- [crowd laughing]
- Sucking dick is what you do.
You trying to get out the game,
you start picking up extra shifts,
you just pulled a double-double.
[crowd laughing]
That's four dicks now,
come on, do the math.
- [crowd laughing]
- [Ron chuckles]
You get off work, you tired,
you sore, you sticky.
[crowd laughing]
- You crunchy.
- [crowd laughing]
You go home and got to drink a Capri Sun?
- What?
- [crowd laughing]
- [crowd cheering, applauding]
- [Ron chuckles]
- Give that whore some tequila.
- [crowd laughing]
She deserves it. Her pussy's on fire.
You can't put a pussy fire out
with Hawaiian Punch, you-- [chuckles]
[crowd laughing]
Maybe I'm too progressive, but I feel like
if you can drink cum, you can have beer.
- That, you--
- [crowd cheering, applauding]
Shouldn't be washing down no goblet
of jizz with Sunny Delight.
- That that-- [chuckles]
- [crowd laughing]
They handling big dicks over there.
Hey, ladies, listen,
stop putting that pressure on us
to live up to them pornos and whatnot
and having big dicks.
"I want a big dick.
I want a man with a big dick."
- "I want a big dick." Me too.
- [crowd laughing]
- Yet here we are.
- [crowd laughing]
You get what the fuck I give you.
I ain't holding out.
- I ain't leave a good dick at the house.
- [crowd laughing]
This it. I brought it all with me.
- Standard issue.
- [crowd laughing]
[chuckles] I got the Toyota Corolla
of dicks.
[crowd laughing]
It ain't fancy, but damn it,
you gonna get there.
- It's efficient and it's reliable.
- [crowd laughing]
- [chuckles]
- [crowd cheering, applauding]
Look, I don't even know
how much that shit matter,
like all that size and whatnot.
I really feel like, ladies,
y'all can't agree on it.
- Ladies, do size matter?
- [crowd] Yes.
- Okay, a lot of whores in the house. Now
- [crowd laughing]
I'm just serious. No.
If you say size matter
and you know what you want,
I want any woman in here right now,
yell out your dream size.
- [woman] Seven!
- Hold on.
- Who said seven? That's your dream size?
- [crowd laughing]
Call me Santa Claus, goddammit.
I can give you that, I--
- [chuckles]
- [crowd laughing, applauding]
I heard a lady one time say, "I want 12."
- I said, "Twelve what?"
- [crowd laughing]
Like, 12 inches? Like, 12 whole inches?
- Twelve inches in a row?
- [crowd laughing]
I can give you 12 inches,
but I got to fuck you twice.
- I can't give it to you
- [crowd laughing]
- back to back like that.
- [crowd cheering, applauding]
Have you seen a ruler?
Know how long 12 inches is? A foot?
- A-pow!
- [crowd laughing]
Now we're at 11,
so you got one more to go.
You want a Subway sandwich
in your pussy.
[crowd laughing]
You want an entire Italian BLT
in your body. I know all the sandwiches.
You want a meatball marinara
in your muff.
Twelve inches. That's two inches short
of a Comcast remote.
[crowd laughing]
- You want 120 channels in that pussy?
- [crowd laughing]
We don't watch cable no more.
We stream. I ain't got Comcast dick.
- I got Roku dick. I got--
- [crowd laughing]
[Ron] Ladies and gentlemen,
that's my time.
[crowd cheering, applauding]
Thank you.
Thank you, Ron.
Ron
Ron "Raw" Taylor.
That's the nickname I gave you, man.
Ron "Raw" Taylor. You are raw.
Uh, I can't say it enough, man.
It truly comes out of nowhere.
And I love the fact that it's unexpected.
Uh, I love your fucking
wardrobe choice tonight.
- I love-- Like [chuckles]
- [crowd cheering, applauding]
Dude, you really do fit the perspective
of a comedian, man.
And your material
does not let the audience down.
Good shit tonight.
Very, very funny set, man.
- [crowd cheering, applauding]
- Very funny set.
That was so much fun.
It's-- You're just a blast to watch.
And again, another killer set
front to back.
I mean, you just you brought it tonight.
And I mean, you started
with a pro drunk driving joke
- [laughs]
- and everyone was on board.
Everyone's on board. We just love you.
And and taking dick jokes
to another level
where I'm You know, we've heard--
we feel like we've heard them all.
We certainly haven't.
You you I want more from you.
Uh, and just so good tonight, and so fun.
- I can't wait to see more from you.
- [crowd cheering, applauding]
Dude, that was unbelievable.
You did-- The drunk driving thing,
you also did drunk driving stuff
for a while.
- [Ron] Yeah.
- It wasn't like a quick thing,
and you really, really broke it down.
It was so funny.
I feel like you have the spirit
of an older guy, right?
Like, you have, like,
the cadence of like a Robin Harris,
like, that type of soul,
which is the biggest compliment.
And I feel like you could be
funny reading a menu.
You're hilarious. That was so funny, dude.
- Thank you.
- [Tom] So good.
Hey, man. Do me a favor,
make some more noise
one more time for Ron Taylor.
- [crowd cheering, applauding]
- [upbeat hip-hop music playing]
[Kevin] Wow. Oh, boy.
All right, guys, look,
before our next performance,
I just want to give a shout out
to the contestants from earlier
in the season who came out tonight
to support their fellow comics,
- because that's what comedy is about.
- [crowd cheering, applauding]
It's the community.
The community is what we embrace.
So, please show them some love, man.
They're all right there in the front.
[crowd cheering, applauding]
Such a great group of talent.
I appreciate them being here tonight.
All right.
Guys, here's our next comic, okay?
In auditions, well,
she had the Comedy Cellar
rolling in their seats.
Let's see if she can bring
that energy tonight.
- Here is Caitlin Peluffo.
- [crowd cheering, applauding]
[Caitlin] I'm a little more aggressive
on stage than most.
I'm loud.
I'm not afraid to talk to people.
I was raised by two working class people,
and it was like,
"Okay, you might not have all the talent,
but if you beat them with work ethic,
you can still get
to where you want to go."
- And I kinda just live by that mentality.
- [upbeat music playing]
I moved from San Francisco to New York
to go to grad school,
which was very much
a waste of money. [chuckles]
I started doing comedy in New York,
and it was tough.
Take off the jacket
or no one's getting wet, all right?
I went to be a full-time comedian
after I did Colbert,
and then the pandemic hit.
That was devastating.
And I went back to my day job,
which was art handling,
and I can't go back to that again.
But it also makes me
appreciate this moment.
It makes me so grateful
for this opportunity.
Winning this competition would be huge
because it puts you
on the biggest platform in the world.
Comedy is so subjective.
You can only be yourself.
And if the people don't really
fuck with me, then that's okay.
And then the people
who do fuck me will find me.
And then we will all fuck together.
[laughs]
[crowd cheering, applauding]
[Kevin] Ladies and gentlemen,
please give it up for Caitlin Peluffo!
- [crowd cheering, applauding]
- [upbeat hip-hop music plays, fades]
[crowd cheering, applauding]
Hey! Hello, Los Angeles!
Thank you. Sit down, sit down, sit down.
Thank you. I gotta talk about my pussy.
- Thank you!
- [crowd laughing]
Oh, I'm I'm doing great.
I'm feeling good.
I'm actually-- I'm newly single, okay?
- Yes. Thank you.
- [crowd cheering, applauding]
I was in a relationship for seven years.
We broke up about eight months ago,
so you know what that means, right?
- I am easy! Okay. [chuckles]
- [crowd laughing, applauding]
No, it was a long time
to be with something.
No, nothing bad happened, okay?
It was a good breakup.
You know, it just kind of fizzled out.
You know a relationship's over
when the presents get too practical?
- [crowd laughing]
- For his birthday, I got him Invisalign.
- [crowd laughing, applauding]
- That's tough. Happy birthday.
Fix your face, okay?
I'm tired of looking at it
like this, all right?
And sex goes out the window.
With an Invisalign,
nothing kills the mood like a guy going
[imitates lisp]
"You look sexy in that outfit."
[crowd laughing, applauding]
"Let's see where the night takes us."
[in normal voice] But he was a good guy.
Sweet, kind, funny, smart, handsome.
Had a good job. And he had two perks.
He had a double perk, okay?
Ladies, he had a big dick,
and he had no back hair.
[crowd cheering, applauding]
Thank you. I love saying that out loud.
You really find out
where the sluts are, okay?
Yeah, they're right in this little corny,
you little hookers.
- Hi, yeah.
- [crowd laughing, applauding]
'Cause the sluts know, you never get both.
You get one or the other
if you're lucky, but both,
- you fucking hold on, you know?
- [crowd laughing]
And I felt the vibe in here change.
Did we feel that?
Did we feel every single man go,
"What the fuck?" [chuckles]
[crowd laughing, applauding]
"What's this perk shit
she's talking about, huh?"
There are perks in a relationship.
They're not deal breakers.
So, don't worry, gentlemen.
If you don't have a big dick, that's fine.
Not a big deal.
Just get funny [chuckles] okay?
Yes, absolutely. Tell us a joke
while you let us down, all right?
[crowd laughing, applauding]
- [crowd cheering]
- [chuckles] Yeah.
No back hair is a real win, though, right?
We like a smooth boy.
Yeah, we like a little dolphin
from the neck down, don't we, ladies?
Yeah, and again,
I'm not trying to body shame.
Look at this.
We got some furry boys in the front.
- Hi.
- [crowd laughing]
I see that beard. You look like
you tickle [chuckles] okay?
Nommity-nom-nom! [chuckles]
There's nothing wrong
with back hair, okay, gentlemen?
It's beautiful, natural, normal.
It's just something women wanna
know about before we encounter it
for the first time.
It can be a little jarring,
a little, "Oh," you know,
takes us out of the moment.
It's kind of like when you're
you're swimming in the ocean
and then your foot touches kelp.
[crowd laughing, applauding]
Like, "Oh, this water is so" [exclaims]
"It's a sea beast, ugh!"
'Cause how do we find out
that a man has back hair?
We usually find out
when we're about to have sex
for the first time,
and that is a very different experience
for men and women. Men, you guys are easy.
You guys are stoked. You're focused.
You come to that room and you're like,
"Oh, boy, I hope she's got tits. Ah."
And then you count them out loud.
"One, two." [grunts]
- [crowd laughing]
- "I knew there'd be two."
Women, we got a lot
of other stuff going on.
We got heavier stuff.
We come to that room, we're like,
"Oh, boy, I hope
he doesn't kill me, okay?"
- [crowd laughing, applauding]
- Please let me keep my eyelids, all right?
No. We gotta do a lot more maintenance
when it comes to sex, right, ladies?
We gotta wax? Yeah.
I'm waxing my puss-puss.
Do you know how optimistic that is?
I have no prospects,
and I'm still getting waxed? That's crazy.
That is optimism. That is
That is car insurance
with a bus pass, all right?
- I am waiting for my life to change.
- [crowd laughing, applauding]
Clap if you're a woman
who gets waxed in here. Who does it?
- Who's waxing? Oh, a lot of us.
- [crowd cheering, applauding]
Wow. You guys doing the whole thing?
Whole thing? Whole thing.
- We got Navy SEALs in the room. Goddamn.
- [crowd laughing, applauding]
That's incredible. I just do the sides.
I voted for Kamala, okay?
[crowd laughing, cheering]
If you have ever gotten waxed as a woman,
you know there is no dignity in it.
It's so embarrassing. They put you
in the most well-lit room on the planet.
They make you go
Winnie-the-Pooh style, yeah?
Shirt, socks, nothing in between.
They don't even give you a blanket,
they give you a little wet nap,
and they're like,
"Clean yourself up,
little piggy, oink, gross, ah!"
If you get the back door done,
you have to roll over onto your stomach
and spread your own cheeks open.
Yeah, and you boys
can't even trim your ball hair?
- Fuck you, all right?
- [crowd laughing, applauding]
- We're angels, you don't deserve us.
- [crowd laughing, cheering]
Okay, so the other day, the other day,
not too long ago,
I'm getting waxed, all right?
And you have to make small talk
with these women. You have to chit-chat.
It's so awkward. I'm laying there
spread-eagle just like,
"So [laughs nervously]
where'd you park, you know?"
Apparently, I distracted her
because all of a sudden, I felt hot wax
where I have never felt hot wax before.
Right down the middle,
a little to the left.
And I'm so naive, I thought she could take
some warm water, wipe it off, try again.
So, I was like, "Oh, miss,
I'm just doing a bikini wax."
"I'm not doing a Brazilian."
And she goes, "Oh, no."
I said, "You can't just wipe it off?"
And she goes, "Oh, no."
Then she told me to take a deep breath.
And then I felt the worst pain
I've ever felt in-- Whoosh!
I thought she took a lip off. Hand to God.
I thought she threw my labia in the trash.
I was like, "Bitch, get some ice.
We can reattach it."
It was so painful,
I told her to stop waxing.
I was like,
"We're done, I'll make up a story."
"I'll just say I dropped a cigarette,
that's what I'll say."
"It's the new trend,
I'm rocking the good puss, bad puss."
[crowd laughing]
But then I was like,
no, no, no, no, no, no, Caitlin,
you can handle pain,
you just weren't ready for it.
Also, you don't wanna be known
as a woman
with a yin-yang pussy, okay?
So I told her, "Go ahead,
take the rest of it off."
And she did.
So now you're looking
at a girl with a bald puss.
- All right? Thank you.
- [crowd cheering]
Thank you. I appreciate it.
Which means I had to look at her
in the mirror for the first time.
First time in my adult life
I saw what my bare vagina looked like.
And I'm looking at her,
and I'm looking at her.
I'm like, "Oh, wow."
- "She needs bangs."
- [crowd laughing, applauding]
I gotta be honest, I don't have
a cute-looking pussy, okay?
I got more of a [barks]
That's what I got, okay?
You probably got a darlin' little--
got a little [kisses]
Yeah, yeah, not me,
no, I got a workin' girl's puss.
Little ballerina pussy,
I got a Carhartt pussy, that's what I got.
My pussy's been workin' on the docks
for 20 years.
She pays her union dues, hell,
I think she voted for Trump, okay?
[crowd laughing, applauding]
[Caitlin] They don't tell you
it doesn't grow back all at once.
Yeah, they should let you know.
If you take it off all at once,
you'd think it'd grow back all at once,
- just kind of like a Chia Pet.
- [crowd laughing]
It grows in patchy,
scraggly, a little lopsided.
I got Timothée Chalamet's mustache.
[chuckles]
[crowd laughing]
All right, you guys have been great.
I'm Caitlin Peluffo. Thank you so much.
- Thank you.
- [crowd cheering, applauding]
- Thank you.
- [Kevin] Nice.
Caitlin, Caitlin, Caitlin.
Good job, as usual. It's expected.
I mean, you know,
you remain likable while talking about
- your vagina in such a vulgar way.
- [chuckles]
And it comes off with so much presence,
so much personality.
Uh, and that's just
because of your charm, right?
There's a lot of charisma to you.
Every time you touch the stage,
you light it up.
You didn't do any different tonight.
Congrats on another amazing set.
- Good job tonight.
- Thank you so much, Kevin. Thank you.
I love you so much, Caitlin.
That was so strong.
You're so good at this,
and you make it look so easy,
which it's not.
And you were just so funny tonight.
And thank you so much for talking
about getting waxing in that kind of way.
I've been through that, too,
and never processed it in that way.
And I feel like you brought us
all along a journey
that feels so alone sometimes.
And I think that's so important
about comedy
is that you're able
to articulate these things
that we struggle with
and can't talk about.
And so I just appreciate that.
It's so many great pussy jokes.
I felt like I had done all of them
that there were to be done,
but you had so many.
You're just a joy to watch.
- I am obsessed. I love you.
- Thank you so much, Nikki. Thank you!
[Nikki]
You make me so proud to be a comic.
- I love you so much. Thank you. Thank you.
- [Nikki] I love you.
Dude, you crushed.
That was fucking awesome.
I've gotten waxed, too.
I did appreciate all that.
Yeah, I feel seen.
- Really, Tom? What--
- Yeah. In [hesitates]
- The balls or the-- What are you doing?
- Down there?
- I did my ass.
- Oh, shit.
- And my back.
- Did you lose a lip, too?
- Huh?
- Did you lose a lip, too? [chuckles]
I wiped clean for months.
It was awesome. It was great.
- [Caitlin] Oh, he's an ally. That's nice.
- I'd recommend it. It was awesome.
I recommend it. I recommend it.
Get your ass waxed.
But, no, you're a fucking joke machine.
And what I love is that
it was just one after another.
And they're all so well-written, so funny.
You absolutely crushed it.
I loved watching your set.
So please keep fucking doing
what you're doing. It's so good.
- [Caitlin] Thank you so much.
- Good job, Caitlin.
- Thank you.
- [Kevin] Good job.
One more time, guys.
- Caitlin Peluffo, one more time.
- [crowd cheering, applauding]
[upbeat hip-hop music playing]
- [music concludes]
- Okay. It's heating up, it's heating up.
All right, guys, look, to round it out,
this last comic has had his ups
and downs in the competition,
but throughout his career,
well, he's always known how to hustle.
- Here is Reg Thomas.
- [crowd cheering, applauding]
Do I, Reg Thomas, know what it means
to hustle in comedy? Yeah.
I hustle in general. I definitely know
what it means to hustle in comedy.
I've been promoting
and running my own comedy show
called Productively Stoned
for ten-plus years.
The little kid who was sitting
in elementary class
daydreaming out the window
would be very proud to see
that I turned out to be this guy.
But, like, I had to work hard
to get to this place.
I'm from a traditional family,
and I'm from New York City.
You gotta hustle. You gotta get money.
And for a long time,
I was in comedy just not getting money.
I was just doing it because I knew I had
to get better to get where I'm going.
So I did what I had to do.
Like, I remember my cousin Gary
passed away of cancer.
I held his hand till his body got cold,
and then I walked to go do a comedy show.
Like, I'm built different.
I'm a different breed, man.
I know what it is.
I wanted to win a Netflix special
because it's been 15 years
of me trying to get the world
to realize like,
"Yo, this guy's kind of funny."
And it's my turn now. It's my time.
[Kevin] Well, at this time I want you
to do me a favor
and put your hands together
for Reg Thomas!
- [dramatic hip-hop music playing]
- [crowd cheering, applauding]
[music concludes]
There you go.
All right.
Happy to be here. I just
I just got through a little bad breakup.
And, like, you know,
breakups are hard for everybody.
But what I've learned is that, like,
women don't think they can be dumped.
You see how it stopped being funny?
[crowd chuckling]
Fellas, you know breaking up
with a girl is impossible.
Breaking up with a girl is like
breaking up with your gym membership.
She's like, "Write me an essay,
tell me why you wanna leave."
"I'll review it
and tell you why you're wrong."
[crowd chuckling]
You try to kick a girl out your life,
she start acting like a squatter.
She's like, "The county says I can stay."
Me and my girl, we were together
for four years
and it was sweet, but it got toxic.
She caught me cheating once
- a month and
- [crowd cheering, laughing]
accused me of not knowing
what loyalty was.
And then she got into a new relationship
and she got dumped for cheating with me.
[crowd laughing]
Silly rabbit.
This is when it got toxic.
When she got caught cheating,
I was there for her.
I was like, "Yo, I know
what you're going through right now."
[crowd laughing, applauding]
Now you would think
telling a cheating joke
at a comedy show is a good idea.
But most comedy shows are date night.
So I tell a cheating joke
and all the fellas are like, "Hah, hmm."
[crowd laughing]
"Talk about some other shit
right now, my nigga."
But personally,
I think cheating jokes are funny.
Fellas, you ever been going
through a breakup
and you couldn't tell your girl?
[crowd laughing]
You just walk around the house
sad as hell.
And you know,
your girl can read your energy.
Your girl knows
when something bothers you.
She's like, "Babe, what's wrong?"
- "You wouldn't understand."
- [crowd laughing, applauding]
That wasn't even the worst.
The worst breakup I ever went through,
me and this chick,
we weren't even together.
We were seeing each other
for 30 business days.
- [crowd laughing]
- And I called it all off.
She got so upset at me,
she made nine Instagram pages.
And they were all combinations
of my name with the word "Bum."
[crowd laughing]
So, it's "Reg is a bum."
"Bummin' ass Reg."
"Reg Thomas, still bummin',"
like, the fuck!
[crowd laughing]
And they were all screenshots
from a sex tape we made.
- [crowd laughing]
- No bueno.
They weren't even pictures of my dick.
They were pictures
trying to embarrass me,
like pictures of me in bed
without a shirt, like, bitch.
[crowd laughing]
I know I got a gut. I put it here.
[crowd laughing]
But the angle she took the photos at
looked like three niggas was in the bed.
- I was like, "Wow."
- [crowd laughing]
[Reg] Diet starts on Monday.
She followed every comedy club I work at,
every comedian I know.
All my homeboys
were trying to be supportive.
They were like,
"We flagging it, we flagging it."
[crowd laughing]
"We flagging the pages."
I was like, "That's great,
but, could you niggas
stop liking the photos?"
- "That'd be so much better."
- [crowd laughing, applauding]
[Reg] I'm trending.
My best friend tried to give me advice.
But you know guys give the worst advice
at a moment like that.
He's like,
"That's why you got to date White girls."
"A White girl
would've never did you like that."
And I was like, "You right."
A White woman would've done way worse.
A White girl
would've moonwalked into traffic
and said I pushed her.
Black girls and White girls
just get mad different.
A Black girl gets mad
and now you on Instagram looking crazy.
A White girl gets mad
and niggas go missing.
[crowd laughing]
"Me and Reg were having a fight,
then I went on my nightly run,
- and now Reg is missing."
- [crowd laughing]
Whole time I'm wrapped up in a yoga mat
in the back of this bitch's Subaru.
[crowd laughing]
I don't got no beef with White girls.
White girls are cool,
but this is the thing.
In my past, if a White girl ever liked me,
she was never the baddest White girl.
If a White girl liked me,
she was the type of White girl
- you find at a Buc-ee's.
- [crowd laughing]
Pajama pants in public,
you know the type.
[crowd laughing]
I'd much rather date Black women.
Me and Black women,
we get along way better.
I love Black women.
They give me my confidence.
- [crowd cheering, applauding]
- [Reg] They give me my drip.
And they can see through my bullshit,
so it keeps me honest.
It's like the Gayle King
and R. Kelly interview all over again.
[crowd laughing]
Y'all know about that interview?
Y'all know who Gayle King is?
Oprah Winfrey's best friend.
- Y'all know who R. Kelly is?
- [crowd] Yeah!
- Phenomenal musician.
- [crowd laughing]
Right, and so anyway, one year,
Gayle interviewed R. Kelly,
and R. Kelly lied the entire interview.
R. Kelly lied
from the rooter to the tooter.
And Gayle just would not believe
a word R. Kelly said.
And R. Kelly got so frustrated
in the middle of the interview, he goes
[screams] "I'm fighting for my life!"
And Gayle kept it so gangster,
she looked right through R. Kelly
and said, "Robert."
[crowd laughing]
And even though she said "Robert,"
all I heard was, "Nigga, stop lying."
- That's all I really heard.
- [crowd laughing]
But I know I've been
talking about breakups up here.
Black love is still beautiful.
I don't want y'all to think
I'm against Black love.
Like, very much pro-Black love.
My favorite couple of all time.
My favorite couple of all time
is Michelle and Barack.
[crowd cheering]
[Reg] 'Cause I don't even follow politics.
I'm just impressed
with how much he loved his wife.
For eight whole years,
he always found a way
to give his girl a shout out
no matter what the speech was about.
He'd be up there giving bad news, like,
"Today in the Middle East,
we blew up a school."
"On a lighter note, who would've thought
that a girl
from the south side of Chicago"
and I'm like,
"Yo, what happened at the school, dawg?"
"Like, you was telling a whole story."
But that's what he taught me. He taught me
you gotta make your girl feel special.
You gotta make your girl feel
like a rock star.
Like, I like a girl with a nice booty.
But if the next girl I fall in love with
got a little booty
like, she don't got no booty,
I'mma treat that little booty
like it's the biggest ass I've ever seen.
And every time she get naked,
I'mma make a scene about it.
And I'm a real New York nigga,
I'mma sell it.
Like, "Damn, babe,
where you come from with all this?"
"What am I supposed to do
with all this booty?"
- "You trying to kill a nigga?"
- [crowd laughing]
- Whole time she in my bed [giggles]
- [crowd laughing]
'Cause women do it for us all the time.
The first time they see us naked,
they just be like
[crowd laughing]
"Patchy back hair?
I love patchy back hair!"
Hey, that's my time,
my name's Reg Thomas,
- thank you very much.
- [crowd laughing, cheering]
[Kevin] Reg.
Reg, Reg, Reg.
You know, I don't know
a better way to say it, man.
I mean, like, since your return,
you came back different.
And it's not because you are different.
It's because you had all
of the things that you're showing
and putting on display now.
You had it then,
but you didn't get to it yet.
And when you got the opportunity
to get to it,
you've done nothing but show out, man.
- Your material, uh
- [crowd cheering, applauding]
- Thank y'all.
- Dude, it's so dope.
It's so honest. It's so relatable.
And you do it while not ever
losing your foundation of where
you're from and who you are.
Like, the New York never goes away,
regardless of your topic,
regardless of what
you're talking about, man.
It's dope as fuck to see you
and see you shine
the way you've been shining.
Good set, man. Congrats again.
- [Reg] Thank you very much.
- Another amazing performance, man.
- [crowd cheering, applauding]
- Reg. That was incredible. You know what?
My favorite thing about watching
a comic like you is I feel like
we're friends now
after I just saw that set.
I feel like I know you more.
- It felt like we were hanging out.
- Yeah.
[Nikki] You just are such a natural.
You were able to not only have just
great jokes, but you told
a really vulnerable,
somewhat embarrassing story
that just felt so intimate,
that pulled us in.
And then you did
pop culture references to close it out.
Like, you had everything in that set.
I just think you are
just so good, and you're so
you deserve to be here so much.
I'm so glad I got to watch you tonight.
Amazing.
[Tom] Yeah.
That was tremendous.
First of all, thank you for acknowledging
how amazing R. Kelly is
as a musician, because he is.
- [laughs]
- But the guy's unbelievable. But
[laughs] He really is. He should be back.
But what I love is I love watching
stand-ups that have, like,
what I call, like, "confessional sets."
People who talk about their life.
Nobody else can do the set
that you just did.
You know what I mean?
Nobody else can take that.
- [Kevin] That's a good point, Tom.
- [Tom] It's singular to you.
It was so funny.
So fucking solid. Congratulations.
That was a fantastic set.
- So good, man.
- [Kevin] Amazing.
Give it up
for Reg Thomas one more time.
- Ladies and gentlemen, one more time.
- [crowd cheering, applauding]
[Kevin] All right.
Now, we have seen four comics.
We have seen four sets.
But it is out of their hands now
because it's time.
It is time for you at home.
You at home will decide the winner
of Funny AF.
So what I want to do right now,
I want to get the others
back out here, man.
Make some noise
for your finalists tonight, man.
Usama, Ron, Caitlin, and Reg.
- [upbeat hip-hop music playing]
- [crowd cheering, applauding]
[Kevin] Holy cow.
Holy cow.
Four
Four finalists.
Four different comedians.
Four different styles.
It's been a long road.
It's been a long road
and whatever happens,
man, I want you to know,
all four of you, truly, like,
- you did a truly amazing job, man.
- [music fades]
[Kevin] Not just tonight,
but throughout this whole experience.
You guys have earned this moment.
And I mean that.
Like, those are big facts.
You earned the right to be
on this fucking stage tonight.
So, sit in that for a second
and realize that you're here
because you're supposed to be here.
- Okay?
- [crowd cheering, applauding]
But now Well, now
now, it's time for you to
for you to step up.
I'm talking about you, the people at home.
It's time for you to step up
and vote for the winner of Funny AF.
I cannot stress this enough.
I need your participation.
I need your votes in real time,
so that we can change the lives
of one of these goddamn
four finalists on this stage.
So, the final vote is open now.
You got one minute.
You got one fucking minute.
[crowd cheering, applauding]
[Kevin] One minute.
Do your job, people.
Do your job. I did my job.
I brought you A-list talent,
and I made that talent deliver.
So, do your fucking job.
Match my energy and the energy
of all that have participated
in the show with me and fucking vote
in real time right now.
While you do that,
I'm wanna give you guys a little recap
of our four comics tonight. Take a look.
'Cause every straight dude,
we all got gay moments in our day.
- [crowd chuckling]
- Right? You think he's straight?
Not when he's waking up.
How does he wake up?
He's like [moaning]
[crowd laughing, applauding]
Bro, waking up is kind of gay. [chuckles]
Right? [moaning]
You want an entire Italian BL
in your body. I know all the sandwiches.
You want a meatball marinara in your muff.
Twelve inches. That's two inches short
of a Comcast remote.
You want 120 channels in that pussy?
Then she told me to take a deep breath.
And then I felt the worst pain
I've ever felt in-- Whoosh!
I thought she took a lip off. Hand to God.
I thought she threw my labia in the trash.
I was like, "Bitch, get some ice.
We can reattach it."
She caught me cheating once
- a month. And
- [crowd laughing]
accused me of not knowing
what loyalty was.
And then she got into a new relationship,
and she got dumped for cheating with me.
[crowd laughing]
Silly rabbit.
[crowd cheering, applauding]
Well, we are back.
We are back. We are live. Um
I got to say it again, great job.
You fucking took the stage.
You all stepped up to the stage.
You did what you were supposed to do.
But I love the fact
I love the fact that we are looking
at four different comedians,
four different styles, right,
four different approaches
to the craft of stand-up comedy.
And although I'm a fan of all,
I love the fact that it's not in my hands.
I love the fact that it has nothing
to do with me or my decision.
It has to do with those that are watching.
I love the fact that I am not responsible
for whatever feeling the losers have
- when this is all over.
- [Reg] Losers?
- Thought that we were all winners?
- [Kevin] Okay? Well, yeah,
you're winners,
but some will lose.
- It just is what it is, Reg.
- [crowd laughing]
This is where we got
to rip the Band-Aid off, okay?
What I want to know right now
is the pressure.
I want to know how you fucking feel.
Reg, you just had a phenomenal set.
How do you feel knowing
that you're waiting
- on the fucking people? How do you feel?
- [crowd cheering, applauding]
I feel phenomenal 'cause I did
what I was supposed to do.
- I just need them to do what they do.
- Okay, okay. Uh
Caitlin, I want to know how you feel.
You just had a phenomenal set.
How are you feeling in this moment
as you wait on the people
to do their fucking jobs?
I really hope I didn't tell everybody
I have a bad wax for no reason.
- [Kevin] Okay.
- Okay? [chuckles]
[crowd laughing, cheering]
Ron. Ron, tell the people
that are watching what you are feeling
in this moment as you are waiting on them
to do their fucking jobs.
What is your feeling now?
[chuckles] I feel good.
I feel appreciative.
And I feel like
y'all shouldn't drink and drive.
- I'm sorry I said that.
- [crowd laughing, applauding]
- [contestants chuckle, mutter]
- [Kevin] Usama.
Last one. How do you feel?
I just want to say, I just love my family,
my mom, my dad, my brothers,
and I'm just happy that they're watching,
and that's really all that I'm feeling
right now is love for them.
- That's it. For real. For real.
- [crowd cheering, applauding]
Okay. All right.
The vote is now closed, okay?
The vote is closed,
and the results are in.
It has been, I wanna say,
it has been an honor, an honor
to watch all of these comics
throughout the season. It truly has.
But there's no need to waste time,
we're here. We're here now, so here we go.
We are going to announce the top two.
- Okay?
- [crowd cheering, applauding]
- We're gonna announce the top two.
- [tense hip-hop music playing]
In no particular order.
This is in no particular order
based on the worldwide vote.
The first comic into the top two is,
get my envelope, get my envelope.
Give me-- We live,
give me the goddamn envelope.
[crowd laughing, applauding]
[Kevin] Before I open this envelope
I just want y'all to know that the winner
of this competition walks away
with a hour special on Netflix,
- on the platform.
- [crowd cheering, applauding]
That's what the winner will get.
And right now, right now,
we are a step closer to knowing
who the winner will be
because this is about the top two.
So, the first name of the top two is
[crowd cheering]
Ron Taylor.
- [upbeat music plays, fades]
- [crowd cheering, applauding]
[Kevin] Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
Well, I want to know.
I want to know who else
has made it into the top two.
I don't want to wait. I want to know.
I want to know who else is in the top two.
Envelope. Give me my envelope, man.
[tense hip-hop music playing]
Before I open this envelope
I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking.
- Usama Siddiquee. Oh, shit.
- [crowd cheering, applauding]
- [Kevin] Oh, my God.
- [music fades]
[Kevin] Oh, my God.
Real quick. Wait.
Reg, Caitlin, wait a minute.
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
Listen. Listen. Uh
Give me a second, give me a second,
give me a second, man.
Reg, Caitlin, before you guys leave,
a true heartfelt moment from me to you.
I love the fact that you were eliminated,
made an alternate,
came back, came back with a chip
on your shoulder and showed the fuck out.
- You showed it.
- [crowd cheering, applauding]
Brother.
You are a polished comedian.
You are a seasoned comedian.
When you say you've been doing it
for 15 years, it is obvious.
It does not shock me.
It does not blow me away.
Everything about you
says poised, polished.
More importantly, man, well-crafted.
Thank you for participating.
- Thank you for being a part of this.
- Thank you very much for having me, man.
[crowd cheering, applauding]
Thank you so much, Kevin.
It's been amazing.
I
I watched
I watched Caitlin
I watched Caitlin destroy
through this entire competition.
I watched you kill the fucking stage
in New York twice.
I made the decision to stop and pass you
in the middle
before we were making decisions.
And that energy that I have
That energy that I have
towards you does not change.
Like, yes, you're not
in the final two, but fuck,
Caitlin, man, you are dominant.
- You are a real fucking comedian.
- [crowd cheering, applauding]
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
This has been life-changing.
Thank you so much.
Thank you.
One more time.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Wait, wait, wait. Nikki.
I am such a huge fan of Caitlin and Reg.
I was wondering
if you guys would want to open for me
on my tour this fall.
- [crowd cheering, applauding]
- [Nikki] It would be
I'm I just want my show
to be as good as possible.
Hold on. Hold on.
God damn it.
For those who did not hear
what Nikki just said
- Did I say that? Did I offer that?
- Nikki just offered Caitlin
and Reg a fucking opportunity
- to open for her on the tour. That's
- Yeah. They're just so good.
- I just want to be around.
- what the community is about.
I wanna be around you guys,
and learn from you.
- You're incredible.
- [Kevin] Say yes, nigga. Just say yes.
Will you do it? I'd love it.
Get out of here. Go. Get out of here. Reg.
- [crowd cheering, applauding]
- [Kevin] All right.
[upbeat hip-hop music playing]
[Kevin] All right.
- Okay, guys. Uh
- [music fades]
Shit, man, come on up.
Let's walk up, right here.
One on this side, one on this side. Okay.
We are down to the top two.
Uh, I mean, this is huge, guys.
It's a huge accomplishment.
It's a huge accomplishment,
but unfortunately,
only one of them will walk away
with their very
own Netflix comedy special.
A lot of tension,
a lot of pressure in the room.
And it should be. So, fuck it.
Let's just get to it, okay?
- Here we go. Here we go. Uh
- [tense hip-hop music playing]
It's between Ron Taylor
and it's between Usama Siddiquee.
- [crowd cheering, applauding]
- [Kevin] The viewers
The viewers around the world have voted.
And the winner of Funny AF is
[crowd cheering, applauding]
Ron Taylor, what the fuck?
- [crowd cheering, applauding]
- [uplifting music playing]
[inaudible]
[Kevin] Hey, man.
Hey, man.
Just give me a second.
And I'm not going to get
And I'm not going
to get too emotional in the moment,
but I know what it's like
to have a fucking story,
to have a hard story,
to have a fucking hard story.
You're looking at two real
difficult roadmaps to get
to this stage tonight, man.
And I know the fucking feeling, Ron,
that you have in this moment,
and I resonate with it.
I see it on your fucking face.
For somebody
[crowd cheering, applauding]
For somebody that truly wants to see
somebody else do amazing things
in the business, it's dope as fuck
to fucking help somebody
with a story like yours.
Congrats, man.
[crowd cheering, applauding]
[Kevin] Bro
I'll say this, and I want the world
to hear it.
I don't know if you got a manager,
I don't know if you got an agent,
I don't know if you have representation,
but I will tell you
your phone is about to light up,
- because you're a fucking star.
- [crowd cheering, applauding]
[Kevin] You're a star. Flat out.
- Thank you.
- You're a star.
At this point, man, I thank once again
to all of our contestants
that participated.
What an amazing show,
what an amazing journey.
And yes, we can have one winner,
but I told all of those
that participated, you all win.
You all got to show your face
on the biggest platform.
- You all got to be seen.
- [crowd cheering, applauding]
But celebrations are due, and Ron Taylor,
you deserve your fucking moment
to stand in front of that crowd
and goddamn reap the benefits of your win.
Please make some noise
for Ron fucking Taylor. [chuckles]
[crowd cheering, applauding]
Um Ron.
We just need to hear from you
in this moment.
Like, what are you feeling?
What are you thinking?
- What does the moment mean to you?
- [crowd cheering, applauding]
First of all,
I want to say thank y'all, man.
Thank y'all.
Thank y'all.
That's number one.
I'm going to be completely
real with y'all.
I did not think I was going
to win this bitch, dawg.
I promise you.
I swear, dawg.
And I'm glad I was wrong.
I'm going to thank my family,
all my friends,
supporters, fans, everybody.
[crowd cheering, applauding]
I'm going to make it my mission
not to waste this opportunity, man.
So I want to show y'all
y'all picked the right one.
I love y'all.
I want to thank you, Brother Tom,
Miss Nikki, Brother Kev.
I thank all of y'all, everybody.
I just thank you.
- I love you. Appreciate it.
- [crowd cheering, applauding]
[Kevin] All right.
Before we wrap up,
two things I want to give you, Ron.
One, I want to give you that card.
I think you should keep that.
This is the first season of Funny AF.
[crowd cheering, applauding]
You are
my first winner on Funny AF.
I can only hope that after this,
so many more
will want the same opportunity
that was had for you,
and that so many more strive
to walk away
with something as gracious
as an hour Netflix special.
I want you to take the moment,
seize the moment, but yo,
like, make sure you step up
to the moment.
Fucking knock this hour special
out of the park, and goddamn it,
I'm looking forward
to seeing you on more things
and doing more work with you.
- It's that simple, okay?
- [crowd cheering, applauding]
Now
what I wanna do, I wanna invite you
over here, before we go,
I wanna invite you to sit on the couch.
That's right, come sit on the couch.
Come sit on the couch.
Because Ron, you deserve a seat
at the goddamn table, okay?
[crowd cheering, applauding]
You deserve a seat at the table.
I gotta say thank you to Nikki,
I gotta say thank you to Tom.
I also gotta say thank you
to my partners at Netflix.
Thank you for believing in the vision,
seeing the vision, and more importantly,
supporting the outcome of the vision.
There is no me without you, Netflix.
I also wanna thank all the viewers
that participated, that voted.
I want you guys to know,
my name is Kevin Hart.
Tune in for the roast on goddamn May 10th.
- I'mma fuck shit up. Goodnight.
- [crowd cheering, applauding]
[music concludes]