L.A. Law (1986) s01e08 Episode Script

1
Previously on L.A.
Law.
I would remind the deputy D.A.
that in spite of the fact she's running for
judgeship in District 7 Your Honor, I
When and if you win election to the bench,
Ms. Van Owen, you may have the last word.
In my court, I get it.
Mr. Sullivan will be joining us as a clerk.
He'll be working here afternoons after school.
The phone messages, all these people,
activity in and out of the bathroom.
Now, either you are leading a very weird
social life or you're dealing coke out of this office.
It's crazy, Mr. Sifuentes.
Where's my thousand?
Oh, let's see.
You're busted, kid.
Eric went home already.
What do you mean he went home?
His father picked him up.
He can't.
Damn it, detective!
My husband violates a TRO, kidnapping my son,
and the best thing you can tell me is to get my own P.I.?
I'm getting married in three weeks.
His name is Kevin Crenshaw.
Kevin.
Meet Michael Kuzak.
He's with the Trial Lawyers Association.
What were you trying to prove?
That you could get back at me by trying to
humiliate a decent good man?
I'm in the middle of getting married.
I know this is the hell of a time to say
this, but I'm in love with you.
Leon's my name and photography's my game.
How about a snapshot of the bride and groom, huh?
Definitely.
So look, I'm just hanging out on this corner there, right?
When this dude comes blowing out the store.
And he can see that the police car's after
him, man, so he just pushes the stuff off on me.
The gun and the money.
And I'm just like, you know what's happening?
And then, bang, man, the police are drawing
down on me, and I'm the one that gets busted, dig?
Not the perpetrator, me.
So that's your legal defense, Julian?
Your basic, the other dude did it?
Yeah, it's the truth.
These are smart people on the jury, Julian.
You expect them to believe this doo-doo?
Hey, wait a minute, man.
You're supposed to be my lawyer, right?
How many times have I gotten you off, Julian?
Some.
How many?
Excuse me, Your Honor, but it looks like
the people are going to have to object to
the introduction of priors, or Mr.
Tattoon's got a case for appeal.
Counsel, approach the bench.
Seven times.
Robbery, burglary, assault.
Oh, come on.
Mr. Hirshberg.
Seven times.
And he's still on the street.
Does this make sense to you?
Mr. Hirshberg, you are courting contempt.
Okay.
Maybe he had a bad childhood.
Now, that is enough.
But I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
He's basically stale or worthless.
Mr. Hirshberg.
He's in some way to do something.
Mr. Hirshberg, approach the bench now.
And since the courts don't have the stones to do it.
Oh, bailiff.
He can't do that, man.
I got right.
Come on, let's go.
You are in contempt, Mr. Hirshberg.
Take him downstairs.
Thank you.
Thank you, Your Honor.
Compared to this job, jail, it's a pleasure.
Dirt bags in.
Give me a hand.
Dirt bags out.
Swimming upstream in snow.
Come on, come on.
I'm going nuts.
I can't take it anymore.
Can you give me 20 years?
I need it.
It would be a vacation.
Not.
A good day for Sid Hirshberg.
Last week it was a DA in Torrance who tore
up his files and threw them at the judge.
Let me take you away from all this.
Lunch?
Later?
Oh, no.
No, not a great idea.
What, you can't even be seen with me at lunch?
Just until after the elections are over.
Getting pretty sick of this sneaking around.
It's just a second.
Do you realize that we have not even been
to a restaurant together, to a movie or a play?
Mm-hmm.
Just a few more weeks until we don't have to
worry about the gossip, the newspapers, the television.
I don't know how to break this to you,
but I am not Prince Charles, and you are
not Lady Di, and this is a little Muny court race.
No one remembers or even cares that you
changed your mind about getting married.
It was no big deal.
Ditching the groom at the altar,
hand and paw with the gorilla is
Yesterday's headlines, Grace, 15 minutes of fame.
Tomorrow they're all going to be buzzing about
how Sid Hirshberg punched at his own client.
Maybe you're right.
Maybe.
So, where do you want to go to get lunch?
I can't.
I have homework to do.
Meet the candidates.
That's tomorrow night.
Yes, and I have to give it every spare minute I've got.
The press will be there.
What time tomorrow night?
You don't really want to come.
Yeah, I do.
No, you don't.
Yes, I do.
I promise I will wear a suit.
I will not pick my teeth.
You're just being paranoid.
Nothing's going to happen.
Okay.
It starts at 8.
Meet me there.
And we can go have dinner afterward.
In public.
You'll even let me hold your hand?
Maybe.
If you would take your seats, people.
It is once again my unpleasant task to remind you of your
tardiness regarding weekly accounting of your billable hours.
Last week, only Stuart Markowitz had his report in on time.
A certain other attorney who shall remain nameless,
Ms. Kelsey, is behind more than four weeks on her reports.
People, please.
When accounting is late, billing is late.
When billing is late, cash flow like a
clogged sewage line is reduced to a trickle.
Need I elaborate?
Now, on a more upbeat note, a sizable
attaboy to Arnold Becker for recognizing
the cinematic potential of Hilary
Mishkin's Rosebush is earning for this
firm a two and one half percent share in
the profits of same.
For those not aware, the film has opened to glowing
reviews and even more importantly, boffo box office.
And business is even better the second week.
Moving on, Victor, you're representing
Jeffrey Sullivan in his cocaine trial?
At my request, yes.
Apparently, the boy trusts no one but Victor.
And Sullivan Sr. Was eloquent in his plea
for representation.
Well, the boy may have embarrassed us, but
he's entitled to the best defense nevertheless.
Proceeding.
Who is Evelyn Frost as regards the
Gwendolyn Meriwell Trust?
The late Ms. Meriwell set up a trust for
her niece and nephew, and on their deaths,
their share was to provide assistance for
the poor of Beverly Hills.
Defined as what exactly?
Any poor wretch without his own swimming pool?
The nephew has died, and the trustees
haven't distributed a dime yet.
The niece wants him to live up to the
intent to help poor people wherever they live.
Very noble, Miss Kelsey, though perhaps you're forgetting
your fiscal responsibility as a partner in this firm.
The trustees are sitting on $80 million,
and if my efforts can get them to spend
some of it to alleviate some of the
suffering and misery in this world,
I happen to think that's more significant
than generating fees for this firm.
Well, I suppose if you shake an $80 million
tree, something is bound to fall our way.
Finally, Turtletaub versus Turtletaub.
Unfortunately, we've just found out that Mr. Turtletaub
has been less than candid about his community assets.
And Ms. Perkins is handling this?
Well, she expressed an interest in family law, and since
I'm branching into entertainment, it seemed to make sense.
Anyway, I'll be backstopping her.
Arnold, what the hell is going on here?
I thought we had an equitable agreement worked out.
According to our investigator,
your client's been hiding assets in a
holding house in company in the Netherlands, Antilles.
The same client who testified under
penalty of perjury that he was too
impoverished to provide support for his wife and
child, forcing my client to take boarders into her home.
It's possible there was an oversight.
Where else has he got it stashed?
Cayman Islands, maybe?
Switzerland?
Perhaps my client could be persuaded to
throw another $100,000 into the community
pot in consideration of a speedy settlement.
With all due respect, Miss Dupre,
I think your client is a bum and a liar.
And until we've had the opportunity to
fully investigate all of his financial
assets, there can and will be no settlement.
Arnold.
Don't look at him.
You're dealing with me.
And we're off the table.
Well, the truth is, I don't know how much
I'm going to be able to help you, Jeffrey.
Come on, Mr. Sifuentes.
You must have gotten hundreds of guys off
for lots worse than this.
Jeffrey, it's a dead-bang loser.
It was entrapment.
Where do you see entrapment?
At the prelim, they played a tape of you
boasting to the cop that you'd be able to
get him the greatest stuff north of La Paz.
I wasn't reading my rights.
Twenty-three people heard him read you your rights.
Mr. Sifuentes, now, don't take this the wrong way.
Can we buy our way out of this?
Whoa, listen, kid, that ain't gonna fly.
Now, if you're serious about that,
you can find yourself another lawyer.
I was just choking.
Okay?
I swear.
Just tell me what you want me to do.
Okay, I'm suggesting that you plead guilty.
Now, it's the first offense.
I can probably get you probation, and
45 days in the county jail is a condition.
I can't, Mr. Sifuentes.
I know I'm driving you nuts, and you're
doing a great job, really.
But if I cop to a felony, it'll screw me
up with the ethics committee.
I'll never be a lawyer.
Do you realize that you're looking at
state jail time if you're convicted?
The jury will like me.
I can be very charming.
The jury will resent you for being a spoiled, rich kid.
I knew this guy, and he got busted with a gram in his car.
Now, he cops to a misdemeanor possession, he does a
year with a shrink, and has it totally taken off his record.
I'd do that.
Jeffrey, you were selling cocaine.
They don't let sellers cop to a miss.
All my life, all I ever wanted to be was a lawyer.
Don't let him take my dreams away.
Okay.
I will talk to the D.A.
You want me to go with you?
No, no.
You're gonna do great.
Really.
You haven't spent dime one on the poor.
Take a look at this portfolio,
my dear, and tell me what you see.
Drive down Olympic Boulevard, Mr. Jarrett,
and tell me what you see.
People sleeping in dumpsters, eating garbage, ugliness, Mr.
Jarrett, which can't be made pretty by some
fancy little graph in your accountant's coloring book.
I say no cause for indignation.
People are starving, sir.
Some are dying.
As far as causes for indignation go,
I'd say that's a damn good one.
What would you have us do?
Here is a list of charitable foundations
which serve the needy.
They're all consistent with the spirit of the
trust, and all you have to do is sign the check.
Just a minute.
Every one of these institutions is outside the city
limits, and the language of the trust is quite explicit.
To the poor people of Beverly Hills.
She wanted to help the homeless,
and if she had ever thought that poverty
would be extinguished in Beverly Hills, she would
have marked the money for poor people in other towns.
My client's job.
My client's job, young lady, is not to play
would have, could have, or should have.
As trustees, they must give the words of
the trust strict construction.
The fact remains there are no poor people
in Beverly Hills at this time.
It's too late, anyway.
This year's interest is already an escrow.
We're building a park in Miss Merriwell's honor.
What?
Yes, with a beautiful marble statue.
It's a lovely tribute.
You're not spending that money on a park.
I'll get an injunction.
Not to lecture you on the law, Miss Kelsey.
But the dispute here is a matter of an
interpretation, and since yours is
contrary to the express wording of the trust,
no judge in the world will give you an injunction.
Any attorney worth her salt should know that.
You say the trust is for the poor people of Beverly Hills?
Fine.
Then it's the poor people of Beverly Hills
who will stop you.
And without the injunction, Your Honor, the fund will be
severely drained by buying and developing that property.
Hark!
The injury to my client will be both
immediate and irreparable.
What client, Your Honor?
Beverly Hills has no poor people.
Now, if we can't take judicial notice of
that fact, I direct the court's attention
to the affidavits from the city tax assessor.
Your Honor, you need not own property to be a resident.
Residency is satisfied by the intent to
remain indefinitely.
Fine, then show me a person with that intent.
I'd like to call a witness, Your Honor.
Well, this is not an evidentiary hearing, Miss Kelsey.
Can't you just give me a declaration?
Your Honor, this witness neither reads nor writes.
She does have a story to tell, however, and I think the
interest of justice would be served by letting her testify.
This is most inappropriate.
I'll ask the questions.
Call her up here.
Miss Flaherty.
Where do you live, Miss Flaherty?
In Beverly Hills.
Where exactly in Beverly Hills?
Mostly in Roxbury Park.
Sometimes in people's backyards if nobody's home.
And you sleep in Roxbury Park?
Yes, I do.
And do you live all by yourself, ma'am?
I don't like other people.
I cut the first bastard that messed with me.
Come on, let me have it.
Keep away from me.
I'll cut you.
No one is going to hurt you, ma'am.
Miss Kelsey Katie, please.
Come on.
Can you just give it to me?
I promise I'll hold it for you.
Okay.
You ain't lied to me yet.
Now, thank you, ma'am.
Do you know how long you've lived in Beverly Hills?
Almost eight years.
I come from Chicago in 78.
Sorry, damn place.
Almost froze me plumbing.
Well, why Beverly Hills?
I like the people.
And the cops don't hit you.
You know, I like those fruit trees.
And I like the sounds of it.
Living in Beverly Hills.
Do you ever move around to other towns?
I live in Roxbury Park.
I don't like other places.
I just stay home.
All right, well, thank you, Miss Flaherty.
That'll be all.
All right, in light of the foregoing, I'm satisfied
for now that Miss Flaherty lives in Beverly Hills.
I'm therefore going to Grant plaintiff's
request for an injunction.
I'm going to also place this case on the
advanced trial list.
Now, the matter of Miss Flaherty's residency,
of course, can again be addressed at that time.
That'll be all.
Can I see counsel at the bench?
Settle this thing, Mr. Tucker.
Even if you somehow dispose with Miss Flaherty, I'm
sure that there are other such people similarly situated.
Now, that would mean, sir, that your whole
case would come down to convincing me that
your proposed park is for the benefit of these people.
You don't want your whole case to come down to that.
You don't want your whole case to come
down to that, do you?
Marilyn?
Victor.
Nice to see you again.
Have a seat.
Not there.
That was my grandmother's chair.
It's a beauty.
I've been looking for a chair like that.
Afraid I can't help you.
Now, I assume you didn't come here to
discuss interior decorating.
Right.
The Sullivan case.
Plead to the felony a year in county.
A year?
Come on.
A clean kid, first offense.
Let's cut to a miss.
Your clean kid was a major dope dealer on
campus till he moved his act to your law firm.
That's hearsay, Marilyn, which you can't make stick.
Nice to know you haven't changed at all, Victor.
Even now that you're defending a
better-paying class of scum.
You got something against me?
The Angeletti case.
Russell Putman?
You know, I have gone against you five
times, and in each case, you have used
every backdoor, unethical hustle to get your client off.
That's my job.
That's your job?
Obscuring the truth?
Look, there's no truth to be obscured here.
I'm not denying the fact of what the kid did.
But you can't deny that there's 2,500
cases backed up downtown.
20,000 inmates in a jail system that's designed for 12,000.
You got murderers, rapists.
You got violent criminals to worry about, Marilyn.
I just think that in the scheme of things,
Jeffrey Sullivan is pretty small potatoes.
No misdemeanor.
Plead guilty to the felony or no deal.
No deal.
I'm going to nail that kid.
And I'm going to nail you.
And I'm going to love every minute of it.
I'll see you in court.
The defendant reached under the drop cloth
and extracted a baggie filled with a white.
As I took it from him, he said, where's my thousand?
What did you do at that time, detective?
I told him he was under arrest, read
him his rights, and took him into custody.
Thank you, detective.
No further questions.
Mr. Sifuentes?
Detective Mitchell, did any money change
hands between you and Mr. Sullivan?
No.
Oh, so in other words, when you seized the baggie
from him, there was no real transaction, was there?
I didn't seize anything.
He delivered it to me.
Second, it's against LAPD policy to carry
cash around, like that.
Detective Mitchell, what did you do with the baggie
that you say you confiscated from the defendant?
I placed it in an evidence bag.
People's Exhibit A?
Yes.
I'm just curious.
How could you be so sure, Detective
Mitchell, that this is the very same evidence bag?
I placed my initials on it with a felt-tip pen.
RM, right here.
I placed my initials on the baggie in a
likewise fashion with a grease-tip marker.
Could I see that, please?
This is some kind of trick.
What?
No.
Move for dismissal, Your Honor.
Objection.
Well, this is outrageous.
That's enough.
I want to see both attorneys in chambers, please.
OK.
What the hell is going on here?
Obviously, someone stole the evidence.
Without which the state cannot establish
the elements of a crime, Your Honor.
For all the DA can prove, Mr. Sullivan
could have been selling baby powder.
We have no evidence.
We have a tape transcript of the sale, the testimony of
the undercover agent, plus the lab analysis of the evidence.
Admitting the report without the evidence
in court would deny my client his
constitutional right to confront and cross-examine
the witnesses and evidence against him.
Your Honor, at the very least, I'd move for a continuance.
To what end?
You're the one who said it was obviously stolen.
Do you have any realistic hope of finding
the evidence within the statutory time?
No, Your Honor.
Well, then, I'm afraid he's got you, Ms. Feldman.
I have no choice but to dismiss.
Mr. Sifuentes, you want to join us?
My dad's going to take us out to celebrate.
Victor.
So you know there's going to be a full investigation.
Good.
I'd like to know what happened to him.
Oh, I bet you would.
What does that mean?
Everyone knows Victor Sifuentes will do
anything to win a case.
And if there's no other way, he just steals the evidence.
You have just bought yourself a lawsuit, counselor.
Yeah?
Well, in case you forgot, truth is a total
defense, counselor.
Well, keep talking.
Believe me, I can use the money.
I'm going to see you disbarred.
As a cop for 11 years, and then six as a
lawyer in private practice, I know the
junkies, the thieves, and the dope pushers.
And some of these guys, when they come up
on their first rap, you know they made a mistake.
But others, on their first rap, you know
they're hardened criminals on the rise.
A judge needs to know the difference.
I know him when I see him.
And that's the experience I'll bring to
the municipal bench.
Thank you.
That concludes the candidate statements.
The floor is now open for questions.
Ms. Van Owen.
Yes.
Ms. Van Owen, isn't it true that to most of your
colleagues you're something of a laughing stock?
I beg your pardon?
Isn't it true that you walked out on your own
wedding two weeks ago with someone in a gorilla suit?
Well, that story has been grossly exaggerated
and I won't even dignify it with a response.
Proving once again a picture's worth a thousand words.
Who's the ape, Ms. Van Owen?
Grace,
listen, this whole thing's gonna blow.
It will not blow over.
I can see the headlines now.
Candidate Van Owen goes ape at wedding.
It's over.
I'm pulling out of the race.
I wish you wouldn't do that.
Michael, no advice.
Grace.
Everything has gone wrong from the day that I met you.
Oh, come on.
Please, just leave me alone.
I'll call you.
No, don't.
I need the time to think.
You're a difficult and ordinary woman, young lady.
Thank you.
But I cannot believe that you expect us to
stand passively by while this crazed bag
lady of yours becomes the recipient of $80 million.
That was never my intent.
Was it your intent to have every homeless, ambulatory
schizophrenic in Los Angeles move to Beverly Hills?
Absolutely not.
Well, let her finish.
For those poor people who actually live in Beverly
Hills, I want a soup kitchen and residential housing set up.
For the larger picture, however,
I will again give you the list of
charitable foundations which serve the
needy throughout Los Angeles.
I still think we can win this case in a
trial on its own merits.
Gentlemen, while I'm rattling my saber and
you are out watering your hydrants over
what amounts to a territorial dispute,
there are thousands of people in Los
Angeles whose genuine suffering can be
alleviated with the funds from this trust.
I implore you, save us all the time and
expense of a trial which we both know you'll lose.
Do the decent and right thing.
Be the trustees of Miss Meriwell's spirit
as well as her money.
What do you say?
Grace Van Owen, please.
Michael Kuzak calling.
She must be there.
I just came from court and I've been trying her at home.
What?
Would you please tell her that I called?
Thank you.
We're not looking for a lengthy and bitter dispute here.
In consideration, of which we've compiled
a new and revised schedule of assets.
In the interest of fairness, our list of
Mr. Turtletaub's holdings now includes 125
shares of Esau Productions, gift from his
father, part ownership in the racehorse.
Gimme a Turtle, the bank account in the
Netherlands, Antilles, a 35-acre apple
orchard in Oregon, and a coin collection valued at $458.
Okay.
Well, it'll take some time to investigate this new list.
In the interim, we'll be asking for an
immediate increase in monthly support to $8,000.
God almighty.
I mean, you make it sound like I got a million
bucks hidden in some Swiss vault or something.
You cheap crook.
You probably do.
Oh, that's great.
Great.
You know, you can sue us, and we can sue
you, and by the time the dust settles,
the Loyals will be rich, and there'll be
nothing left for us to split up.
Your wife won't cave in to that sort of
bullying, Mr. Turtletaub.
Maybe she'll cave in to this sort of bullying.
What's that?
Photos, Ms. Perkins, of Mrs. Turtletaub in the backyard
of her home sunbathing topless with her lesbian lover.
What?
Here's another.
She's caressing her lover.
Let me see those.
Oh, for God's sake.
This is Jessica Lehman.
She and her three-year-old live with us to
help meet expenses.
I'm not caressing her.
I'm putting suntan lotion on her back.
We plan to petition the court to appoint a guardian
ad litem to represent the special interests of the child.
We also want Mrs. Turtletaub and her lover
to undergo a court trial.
A psychological evaluation.
How can you do this to me?
On the other hand, Mr. Turtletaub will not
contest the joint custody provision of the
settlement agreement as long as Mrs.
Turtletaub signs this amended agreement
right now, as is, and agrees to terminate
her live-in relationship with Ms. Lehman.
Even if you could prove a lesbian
relationship Which you can't.
Mrs. Turtletaub's sexual orientation has
no bearing on the quality of care.
Why don't we just let the court decide that, Ms. Perkins?
You disgusting, low-life snake.
You can't even meet my eyes.
This is such a crock.
Hey, there's There's no way
I'm gonna let you poison my child.
You wanna hang out with your dyke friends?
Fine, be my guest.
But you're not gonna raise my little girl.
Unless I sign the agreement, then it's okay.
You started this brawl, lady, not me.
I'll take her out of the state before I let you have her.
Ms. Perkins, your client is threatening a felony.
You're the felons.
Hey, that's it.
To hell with this agreement.
I wouldn't sign it now if you got down on your knees.
By the time I'm through, you wanna see
that little kid, you buy yourself a telescope.
Stop it.
You are disgraceful, both of you.
You're using a six-year-old child to beat
each other to death.
If you want to punish each other, that's your own business.
But you have no right to destroy your child in the process.
How dare you use this woman's child to blackmail her?
And how dare you threaten to steal her from her father?
Do either one of you know what it feels
like to not be able to see your child?
Or even know where he is?
Well, I do.
And as far as I'm concerned, neither one
of you is fit to be a parent.
I understand.
Poor.
The poor and the homeless have something to cheer about.
How did you hear?
A man by the name of Jarrett called me a while ago.
Jarrett from the bank?
The same.
Said they're giving in to your demands.
Said he likes your stuff.
So much so, he's asked to retain you to
handle all the bank's future litigations.
Are you serious?
Mm-hmm.
Figures to be worth a half million dollars
a year to us in fees.
I can't believe this.
Yes?
Well, here's another surprise.
$87,000 to me?
In light of your rain dance, we've decided
to waive your buy-in to the partnership,
hence the return of your contribution.
I don't know what to say.
It's Well, it falls short of reflecting
how proud I am of you, Ann.
You did a great thing for a worthy cause.
And that check is just our way of saying
we like your stuff, too.
Victor.
Melman.
Great-looking shirt.
I've been searching all over for something in that color.
Since I got a figure that you didn't
invite me out to a hundred-buck lunch to
quiz me on fashion tips, I want to take a wild
guess that this has something to do with my lawsuit.
I wanted you to hear it from me.
There'll be some arrests this afternoon.
Oh, yeah?
Three court clerks.
For the last six months, they've been
stealing cocaine out of evidence.
Most of the time, the case gets settled
before trial, so it never gets discovered.
Yesterday, LAPD stung one of the guys,
and he rolled over on the other two.
What you're saying is my client just got lucky.
Looks that way.
Interesting.
And it sure does beef up my slander suit,
now that you've lost your truth defense.
Victor, isn't there anything we can do?
I'd really like to settle this out of court.
What do you want from my life?
You want to see me squirm?
For starters.
What else?
Anything?
Well, you could apologize.
I'm sorry, Victor.
I really am.
Public apology.
I'll write a letter to the Times.
And a press conference.
Okay.
Thank you, Victor.
I appreciate how reasonable you've been.
And your chair.
What?
Your, uh, rocking chair.
Well, I write all my opening and closing
arguments in that chair.
That chair's priceless to me.
Hmm.
Uh, okay.
No problem.
Thank you.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, with a million-dollar judgment,
I can go buy my own chair, right?
I'll have it delivered to your office.
May I take your order?
Mm-hmm.
What's the most expensive thing on your menu?
Katie?
Katie?
Oh!
What do you
What do you want now?
I just came to inform my client that we won.
I get the money.
Well, you get food, clothing.
Oh, I do my own shopping.
I give you the money.
It isn't that simple.
But if you go down and register at the
residential hotel on Burton Way,
you'll find you have a bed, and for food, they're
gonna set up a soup kitchen at the Presbyterian Church.
I ain't going nowhere.
Katie, these places are gonna feed you and house you.
Nobody tells me where to go and what to eat.
But Katie If I wanted three huts and a
cot forever, all I have to do is slit your throat.
Put that away.
You lied to me.
You told me I'd get the money and you're
keeping it for yourself.
But all I get is rules to follow and lines
to stand in and places to go.
But Katie, this is all being done to help you.
Help me.
Give me money.
Just give me money.
Why don't you help me if you ain't a liar?
There.
Now, this is help.
This is helping, Katie.
What are you going to do with it?
None of your damn business.
I do what I want.
This is help.
Katie, do what I want.
And I've got anybody who's going to mess with me.
Soap kitchens.
Oh, you know, telling me where to go, Katie, helps himself.
Nobody helps Katie.
Katie helps Katie.
I'll take this over to Mr. Overblow's
place to Brackman's office, please.
But he's not in right now.
No, he's not.
Oh.
Corinne, you wanted to see me?
Yeah.
I just stopped down in the wake of your outburst
to tell you that Garth Turtletaub telephoned me.
He and his wife sat down alone
after the meeting, and they're
willing to set aside the custody issue for the time being.
That's good.
Assuming cooperation from your end,
I'd like to reconvene in the next couple
of days, see if we can't hammer out the agreement.
Fine.
As a personal aside, I'd have to say that you
managed to interject a refreshing dose of Naivete.
No, of morality to the proceedings.
Thank you.
Given time, you'll probably get over it.
The woman of the hour.
Hi, Stuart.
Congratulations.
Thanks.
Plus, I hear you made so much rain for this
firm, we're all gonna have to wear galoshes.
Speaking of which, Leland waived my buy-in.
I'm going to be able to pay you back in full.
Well, try not to get too excited.
I wish I could.
Are you kidding?
You just shook, what, $8 million a year from that trust?
You're a hero.
That's what I thought until I went to tell my client.
She practically spit in my eye.
She doesn't want clinics or hot meals or clean beds.
What does she want, a suite at the Beverly Hills Hotel?
She wants the cash.
She wants to be left the hell alone.
Which effectively means that not one nickel of that
trust is going to get to her, or to the thousands like her.
And you think this is your fault?
Society has abandoned them.
No, it sounds to me like they've abandoned society.
Okay, it's their fault.
But what's the answer?
Are we supposed to just pretend they don't exist?
Roll up the windows, Jack up the car
radio, and try not to think about the
homeless subculture living out of their
shopping carts, because the richest
society in the world can't figure out a
way to take care of them.
And money can't solve every problem.
And I'll tell you something else.
Every problem can't be solved.
But at least now there's $8 million a year
compliments of Ann Kelsey that's going to
help feed and clothe and shelter an awful lot of
people who otherwise wouldn't have had anything.
I think that's pretty terrific.
I'll tell you something else.
I think you're pretty terrific.
Do you say so?
Yeah, I say so.
And I also say you owe me dinner.
You got it.
All right.
Les Ange, I'll make the reservation.
Isn't that pretty expensive?
Ann.
Ann, you just got an $87,000 bonus.
You worried about dinner?
Money.
Either I feel guilty for having it,
or I feel cheated for not having it.
Okay, I give up.
I'll tell you what.
I'll cook dinner at home.
I'll whip up a really dry tuna fish casserole.
And then we'll crack a bottle of really cheap jug wine.
In bed?
Yeah.
Sounds great.
Eight O'clock, be there.
And bring your jammies.
Come in.
Ta-da!
You baloonatic.
Oh, your timing is perfect.
I have been aching to speak to you.
No, don't say a word.
For the first time in my life, I am really
free of all the things I was supposed to be.
A good girl, a good wife, a good judge.
And I'm finally free of Kevin.
Finally.
I was carried around this guilt in my gut,
and it was poisoning my passion for you.
But now I don't feel like he's this poor,
helpless creature.
I'm mortally wounded, and I know I'm
babbling, but damn it, it feels so good.
And you have been so patient.
But I am so turned on right now.
So why don't you take this suit off,
mister, and we're going to do something
right here in my office that we could get
arrested for in any other state.
I love you, Mickey.
I love you, too.
Security, this is Abigail Perkins at
Mckenzie, Brackman, Chaney, Kuzak.
I think we have a burglar up here.
Freeze it, Bob!
It's yours!
I said freeze!
To hell with you!
You pushed my face into the carpet.
You want to see me?
Hey!
Hey!
Shut up!
What were you doing up here?
I've got a key, OK?
I used to work here.
I left some paperwork behind, and I came to get it.
He worked here?
Up until a few weeks ago.
You guys are in for it now.
My attorney's here.
All right, what's going on here?
We got a call.
These guys made a drug pop.
They're not even real cops.
Now they say the old guy sucked it up with
a vacuum sweeper.
I just checked the conference room.
If he had a stash in there, it's gone now.
Well, what about the baggie, huh?
What about it?
It's empty.
It's soaked with carpet goo, and it's got
your crummy fingerprints all over it.
I don't know anything about this, Mr. Sifuentes.
I was just up here looking for some paperwork
I left behind, and these goons jumped me.
I'm going to sue you guys for about a million bucks apiece.
Does this guy ever shut up?
Hey, aren't you going to arrest him, huh?
For what?
Stupidity?
If that were a crime, you guys would be doing life.
Hey!
He's all yours, counselor.
Hey, hey, hey.
Ah.
Thanks.
Do you believe this?
I'm going to file a lawsuit.
Assault, illegal search and seizure.
Go home, Jeffrey.
Wait.
You don't really believe all this, do you, Mr. Sifuentes?
I swear, after all I've been through,
those drugs probably belong to the old black guy.
Go home, Jeffrey.
Now.
Before your luck runs out and I throw you through a window.
You got that?
Absolutely.
Loud and clear.
And then I lock the doors and I'm running
my hands all over his ape suit,
telling him how hot I am and all the
things I'm going to do to him.
I almost raped the poor guy.
So next time, send me flowers like my other boy.
Do you sort of coax your eyebrows up like
that, or do they grow that way by themselves?
I have them styled.
Styled?
Really?
Look, Mickey, I know I've been difficult these last couple
of weeks, and you have been
incredibly sensitive and patient.
Well, I'm a very evolved person.
Not that evolved.
The point being is that I am finally and
totally unconflicted.
I don't feel guilty about Kevin anymore.
I'm actually relieved about not running for judge.
Oh, so am I.
Really?
Well, you never would have gone out in public with me.
What I'm trying to say here is
is that now that we have, I'm experiencing
this very pressing need to be private with you.
Pressing where?
All over.
An extremely hot plate.
Um, could you put both the dinners, plus the champagne,
into a doggie bag and bring us the check right away?
Extremely
Hot date.
Thank you, Mickey.
Mm-hmm.
Thank you.