Leanne (2025) s01e08 Episode Script

1
Shouldn't have to dance this hard
unless someone's stuffing
dollar bills down my pants.
At least we stopped bouncing.
I almost lost a tooth on my own boob.
You've been working out more
since seeing that fella.
Doing it for my health, Mary.
Come on. How many dates you been on now?
- Five?
- Four.
No. Last Thursday, he swung by
to bring you a coffee after his run.
I'm not sure that counts as a date.
You're missing the point.
She's all up in my business
with her ring cam.
Not like she's seeing anything juicy.
You haven't even kissed the guy.
I've kissed his cheek.
And lingered.
Terrific. Toss in a hard candy
and you're his great-aunt.
You stay strong, Leanne.
Those of us that remain chaste
don't get enough credit in today's world.
I'm gonna kiss him.
I'm just waiting for the perfect moment.
Stop overthinking it.
Right now, all over the world,
millions of people are having
their first sloppy, wonderful kiss.
There's nothing to it.
See? First kiss done. Easy peasy.
So, which neighbor is spying on you?
You see that house with no lights on
and that woman
wearing night vision goggles?
Well, maybe we should give her
something to talk about.
Maybe we should.
You know what?
I never understood Boyz II Men.
You know, just be men.
Here, just let me.
Woo!
Sure got hot in here.
It sure did.
I mean, can you turn the heat off?
It's not on.
Really?
Okay.
Okay, where were we?
I think…
right around…
Lord, not now!
Okay, okay, backing off.
No, it's not you. I'm having a hot flash.
Right…
- How about I put on the AC?
- Yes, please, full blast.
Mama, bring it to me.
Is it helping?
Maybe pump the gas, get it blowing harder.
It doesn't work that way.
I cannot believe
this is happening right now.
Leanne, it's perfectly normal.
Have you been on the inside
of one of these things?
There's nothing normal about it!
I'm sorry. Stupid man words.
Just give me a minute.
It usually works its way
down my head and out my knees.
Where is it now?
Everywhere. I gotta go.
- At least let me walk you to the door.
- I know where it is. I'll get there.
I had a great time.
Me too!
Drive away now.
Don't look back!
I knew you still had the freak in you.
No! Hot flash! Big one!
Before or after the kiss?
There was no kiss.
Just the smacking of my thighs
as I ran from the car.
Did he notice?
Did he notice?!
Maybe he thought they were big polka dots.
No That's Metamucil.
Of course it is.
Just take me now, Lord!
This is what
dating in your 50s looks like.
You don't think
he'll bring something weird to the party?
Like what?
Rogue hernia.
Something popping out where it shouldn't
and nothing popping out where it should.
- Carol!
- At our age, we work with what we got.
There's no shame in any of it.
I miss being young.
Everything was so easy back then.
Well, you certainly were.
Because I had hormones and hair spray
and a VW Bug
with a pull-out cassette player.
The Little Blue Bomber.
Whatever happened to that car?
She overheated and broke down,
just like me!
- Hey.
- Hey.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, between my hot flash
and your Metamucil, I'm down a size.
You got something good out of menopause.
All I got was a mustache.
- Any word from Andrew?
- No.
Well, as someone who has
also been ghosted, let me just say,
a woman needs to feel secure in herself…
…and not be defined by a man and what
It's him! It's him!
"Good morning, Leanne."
When I read it,
I can literally hear his voice.
"Making sure we're still on
for tomorrow night."
Happy face emoji.
I guess a little sweat's not gonna
keep his paws out of the honey jar.
What should I text back?
I got this. Let's see.
"Hell yeah!"
Eggplant, peach, kitty cat emoji.
Are you crazy?
I'm kidding. Go ahead.
Send him your prayer hands.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Ew.
Well, it's nice to see you too.
- You got my passport?
- Right here.
So you're faking your death
and moving to Venezuela?
No, Carol, that's your boyfriend.
He's going on a work trip.
- Here's your passport.
- Thank you.
Neck pillow.
Right.
- Compression socks.
- Excellent.
And sunblock.
Well, gotta go. Call you when I get there.
S-sorry.
Yes.
Goodbye.
Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
What was that about?
Nothing.
Muscle memory.
Force of habit.
You sure?
Yeah, I'm sure. Yeah.
Like blowing your nose after you sneeze.
It's just something you do.
If you say so.
There's only one person I want to kiss.
Watch this.
"Can't wait to see you again."
Purple heart emoji.
See? Your girl's still got it.
What's up?
Nothing.
Then why'd you want to see me again?
I didn't have my readers on.
Daddy, the movie doesn't start till 7:00.
We don't have to be first in line.
No, the seating's assigned.
If hooligans are in them,
we'll make them move.
Battery dying. Gotta go.
Respect your elders. How? Why?
You want me to pack
some apple slices for the movie?
Want me to slap you across the face?
Well, my wonderful wife
doesn't want me eating sugar.
I used to watch you suck down Pixy Stix
for breakfast. What happened to you?
Well, went to a frat party,
watched Nora win a limbo contest,
and here we are.
I've married for less.
Wow! Mom, look at you.
Thank you, my darling.
So, when do I get to meet
this new boyfriend?
He's not my boyfriend,
but you will someday.
- We're taking things slow.
- Very slow.
Nothing wrong with slow
because once you cross that line,
there's no turning back.
Yeah.
No turning back.
I got you a little something.
Lip gloss and a misting fan.
Nothing can stop you now.
Thank you.
If I see a scrunchie on the doorknob,
I'll wait it out at Denny's.
No turning back!
No turning back.
Lord, it's happening again.
Well, this is fun.
What movie are we seeing?
Better have a war in it.
- No war, Grandpa. It's a rom-com.
- The hell is that?
It's a romantic comedy.
Unlock my door and speed up.
I don't want to suffer.
You tied our hands pretty tight.
No sex, singing, or talking animals.
So, it was either this one
or the one about aliens,
but you said aliens count as animals.
Hey, if I can hunt it, it's an animal.
And I will when them
little green bastards make their move.
Hush, John.
Whatever you two picked will be perfect.
Give me my ticket
so I have it ready for the usher.
It's on my phone.
What happens if you drop your phone
in the toilet? How do we get in?
If I drop my phone in the toilet,
we are in.
You know, when your grandpa and I
were first dating,
we'd go to the movies all the time.
And I'd save the ticket stubs
in my memory box.
That's sweet, Grandma.
Sometimes we'd have to see a movie twice
because we smooched so much.
And if I couldn't tell my parents
what happened in the movie,
they'd know I was up to no good.
Is that right, Grandpa?
I don't understand.
How do you get the tickets
out of the phone?
You hook it up to a printer?
I miss Jimmy Stewart.
I miss sugar.
I miss Chicago.
See? Men at Work. No boys.
Just some fully grown men
and Vegemite sandwiches.
I'm sorry.
I know we should kiss.
It's a normal thing.
It's what we should do.
It's what people do.
And that's great when you're young
because a kiss is just a kiss.
But when you're our age,
a kiss leads to a relationship,
and a relationship leads to sex,
and those things lead to heartbreak.
And I can't go through that again,
no matter how wonderful you are.
All right, you can turn the music back on.
It's okay, Leanne.
It doesn't feel that way.
You're not ready.
There's nothing wrong with that.
- I just don't want you to think it's you.
- I know it's not me. Come on.
I'm sexy even with people
singing about Vegemite.
You've been such an unexpected delight.
There was a time I would have tried
to talk you out of this, but…
you're too old for that.
You know what you want.
Thank you for the best seven dates.
It was only six.
No, no.
You brought me a coffee after your run.
My neighbor says it counts.
I swear, if you keep spying on me,
I'm gonna spray-paint your ring cam.
I wasn't.
I noticed your lights were on
and thought we could have a girls' night.
Did you know I've had this gift basket
sitting in my house for seven years?
Read the card.
"Mary, I'm so sorry for your loss."
"Jerry was a wonderful man."
"I'm always here for you."
"Love, Leanne."
Always here for you.
Such sweet words.
Well, I meant more like
bringing your trash cans in, but…
Come on in.
You sure?
I fixed myself a cup of tea.
Can I make you one?
No, but you can twist open that wine
and get to pouring.
Okay.
My goodness, I can't believe
we've never done this before.
I can't believe we're doing it now.
Don't be bashful now.
Give me the country club pour.
You're in an interesting mood.
I thought we were gonna have
a little toast.
Hit me again.
Everything all right, Mary?
Carol's kiss woke something up in me.
Well, I wasn't expecting that.
Give me a second to catch up.
I think maybe that's something
you should discuss with Carol.
Although I should tell you,
she's in a relationship.
Granted, he's on the run.
But she's kind of a one-fugitive gal.
Leanne, don't be ridiculous.
I didn't mean it like that. I…
I just realized how starved for affection
I have been since Jerry died.
And Carol's kiss unleashed all that?
It wasn't the package I wanted it in,
but it delivered the message.
Hit me again!
Why is she moving to Tuscany?
She wants to start a new life, Mama.
Well, she should start with a new haircut.
Well, her hair represented the past.
That's why she cut it off.
What, are you in film school now?
And what happened
to that fella with the beard?
That was a preview from a different movie.
I wish we were watching that one.
He was handsome.
Shh.
Well, I'm sorry, he was.
Mama, quiet.
What?
Does that statue have a penis?
Where are your glasses?
Well, I told Daddy to bring them.
Shh.
You shush my wife one more time
and you'll be snacking on your own teeth.
John, you keep talking like that,
you're gonna get a smooch.
Switch seats with me.
Did you know I go to strangers' funerals
just so I can join the hug line?
I did not.
Let's get a turkey sandwich in you.
I am so lonely, Leanne.
But, you know, no one would suspect it.
They all look at me and say,
"There's Mary, pillar of the community."
"She's got it all together."
What a joke.
It's roasted turkey, not pressed.
And, sure, God does not ask anything of us
that we cannot handle,
and you know how it goes,
and…
But making me a widow so young?
Jerry and I had plans.
We were gonna house-swap
with a family in Wyoming.
What's in Wyoming?
I don't know, it was Jerry's idea.
Ask him, but you can't because he's dead!
It was a real left turn, buddy.
Sometimes the Lord's plans
don't make sense.
Like an armadillo.
Is it a rat or a rock?
And no sense.
But I let my grief
take me out of the game, not like you.
I mean, you took your fall from grace,
dusted yourself off,
and you had the courage
to get on with your life.
I don't know about that.
Now is not the time to be humble.
You weren't afraid
to take a chance at your age.
And now look at you.
A little pep in your step.
You've dropped a few pounds.
Yeah, I've noticed.
And you've got a handsome new boyfriend
who's just crazy about you.
You're my hero.
I'm no hero, Mary.
I broke up with that wonderful,
kind, amazing man.
And why?
Because I'm scared out of my mind.
So, don't be surprised
if you're in one of those funeral lines
and I'm the stranger you're hugging.
This needs more mayo.
FYI, no one thinks
you're a pillar of the community.
I did not think tonight was the night
I'd see my parents make out.
Excuse me?
Yeah, you had to be there.
Actually, be glad you weren't.
Wait, wine glasses, pajamas.
Is Agent Andrew upstairs?
No, but Mary's passed out on the couch.
Tyler, can you wake her up
and walk her home?
Sure.
All right, Mrs. Rhodes.
How about I get you back to your house.
Okey dokey.
I live in Wyoming.
No kidding. Then we'd better get going.
So, how did a date with Andrew
turn into drinks with Mary?
- Because that's my life.
- No, did he cancel?
Worse, I ended things.
Why, why would you do that?
Because I'm old and I'm a coward
and none of this works the way it used to.
Why couldn't I have met him in my 20s?
Alright, enough.
I don't want to hear anymore about you
being past your prime. You're not.
We sit around all the time and talk about
how great we were in the '80s,
but back then it was all,
"Our boobs aren't big enough,
our hair's not high enough,
our leg warmers aren't warm enough."
We criticized ourselves left and right,
and we were gorgeous.
- So gorgeous.
- And guess what?
Ten years from now,
you're gonna look back on today
and wish you were this young again.
You want a date, you don't want a date,
that's up to you.
But don't waste this moment
by not living in it.
Thank you.
I'm not gonna lie, I got some of that
from the movie tonight.
But if it worked on that prostitute,
it'll work on you.
All right, Mrs. Rhodes, home.
Safe and sound.
Tyler…
I have known you forever.
You can call me Mary.
Okay.
Well, good night, Mary.
Good night.
Ooh!
Leanne? Are you okay?