Leave It to Beaver (1957) s01e08 Episode Script

1
("Leave it to Beaver" theme music)
[Announcer] Leave It To Beaver.
Starring Barbara Billingsley, Hugh Beaumont, Tony Dow,
and Jerry Mathers as the Beaver.
[Ward] When you were a boy,
you formed attachments for all sorts of things,
a pet, or a new and exciting toy.
But somewhere along the line,
something very special happened to you.
You got your first schoolboy crush.
And that's our story for tonight on "Leave It To Beaver."
(idyllic music)
Hurry up, Wally!
You're gonna be late for school.
Bye, Mom.
I'll be home right after school.
And Beaver spilled ink on my desk.
(door thuds)
Beaver!
Bye, Mom, I love you.
Wally spilled ink all over his desk.
(door thuds)
Mom?
Anything wrong?
I wanna ask you something.
Yes?
When do I get to be grown up?
Well, you're growing, but, well,
I'd say it could take a little while
before you're really grown up.
When were you grown up?
Oh, I guess when I was about 18.
Is that when you married Dad?
Well, I'd say it was a little later.
(audience laughs)
I guess it's gonna be a while
till I'm 18 and a little later.
Thanks anyways, bye!
(audience laughs)
(sighs)
(door slams) (audience laughs)
The boys are getting off
a little late this morning, aren't they?
Well, the Beaver had some very deep questions
to ask about growing up and getting married.
Well, I hope she's a nice girl.
Oh, Ward, he couldn't be interested in a girl at his age.
I don't know about that, second grade.
A boy can get an awful crush
on a cute little thing with pigtails and a turned-up nose.
Did you?
Did I what?
Get a crush on a cute little thing with pigtails
and a turned-up nose?
Of course not.
It was the eighth grade.
She had braces on her teeth and a platinum blonde pageboy.
The combination was irresistible.
(audience laughs)
Oh, Ward, wouldn't it be cute
if the Beaver really did have a crush
on some little girl in his class?
(lofty music)
(audience laughing)
Well, that's just fine, Beaver.
You've been such a big help.
Thank you so much.
Do you want me to empty out
your wastepaper basket, Miss Canfield?
Well, you just emptied it.
I thought you might have threwn something else in it.
(audience laughs)
No, I haven't thrown anything else in it.
Thank you just the same.
Uh, well, Beaver, you could put these books
on the desk for tomorrow.
I have to take this down the hall.
Yes, Miss Canfield.
(romantic violin music)
(audience laughs)
What are you doing, Beaver?
Handing out these books for Miss Canfield.
What are you doing that for?
He's doing that 'cause he's the teacher's pet.
(audience laughs)
I am not the teacher's pet.
Then why are you doing it?
Yeah, then why are you doing it
if you're not the teacher's pet?
Because, because she made me.
Did she make you bring her down the ice cream
from the cafeteria yesterday?
You're the teacher's pet, all right.
I am not.
I hardly don't like her at all.
Prove it.
What do you mean?
Go ahead, prove it.
Put this in her desk.
(spring twangs) (audience laughs)
I wouldn't put anything like that in Miss Canfield's desk.
You see?
You do like her.
You're chicken, Beaver!
You're chicken!
(audience laughs)
All right, I'll put it in her desk.
Boy, when that jumps out at her, she might even faint.
You're all right, Beaver.
Isn't he all right?
Yeah, he's all right.
He's not chicken.
Boy, you're sure not chicken, Beaver.
(audience laughs)
Well, I told you guys I wasn't chicken.
See you tomorrow, Beaver.
- Yeah, so long guys.
- Bye!
- See you.
- See you.
(up-tempo music)
(audience laughs)
Are you still here, Beaver?
Yeah, I guess so, Miss Canfield.
You better get on home.
Your mother will be worried about you.
But, Miss Canfield
Beaver, you've been such a big help
to me these past few weeks.
I really appreciate it.
That's okay.
Miss Canfield, are you gonna be doing
any more work at your desk?
No.
I'm leaving.
I have an appointment.
Yeah, I think I'll stick around here for a little while.
I guess I got a 'pointment too.
(audience laughs)
(dramatic music)
Beaver, would you please chew with your mouth closed?
I can't, Dad.
When I close my mouth, there's no room to move my teeth.
(audience laughs)
Well, do the best you can.
Wally, how'd everything go at school today?
Well, I went out for the track team.
I didn't make it though.
Why not?
Well, I was near the end of the line,
and by the time they got to me, they'd run out of shoes.
(audience laughs)
Well, that's too bad.
Maybe you should try out for the swimming team.
No shoe problem there. (Chuckles)
(audience laughing)
Well, Theodore, how about you?
Your mother tells me
you got home from school late again today.
Yes, sir.
There must be some attraction keeping you at school.
What's a 'traction?
Well, could be a cute little thing with a turned-up nose.
No, sir.
(audience laughs)
Why don't you boys ever wanna tell me anything?
I'm really interested in knowing what goes on at school.
Well, nothing ever goes on at school, Dad.
Oh, now, Wally, I can hardly believe that.
Well, you go in the morning,
and if you done your homework, it's all right.
If you haven't, they holler at you.
That's all there is to school.
(audience laughs)
Can I be excused?
I guess so.
Me too?
Sure.
"If you've done your homework, it's okay."
"If you haven't, they holler at you."
"That's all there is to school."
Ward, what do you suppose is bothering the Beaver?
He sat there with such a faraway look.
Yeah, I noticed that.
Maybe we better have his eyes checked.
(audience laughs)
It must be something at school.
I wonder if I should call his teacher
and ask her if there's anything we can do.
Oh, no, no, don't do that.
We did that with Wally's math teacher
and got into that horrible mess about fractions.
(audience laughs)
You're right.
Well, it's probably nothing serious.
After all, what could he have done?
Beave, you put a snake in Miss Canfield's desk?
Oh, boy!
Wait till it jumps out at her.
It's not a live one.
It's only a spring snake.
Oh.
(audience laughs)
Well, that's still pretty neat.
You know, you're not as creepy as I thought.
(audience laughs)
Thanks, Wally.
You know, some of the kids said
you were the teacher's pet.
The kids made me put it in there.
I didn't want to.
What are you worrying about?
She likes you.
You'll be the last one she'll blame.
Yeah, but I still wish I hadn't put it in there.
Wait a minute.
You mean the kids are right?
You do like Miss Canfield?
She's all right.
Boy, I wouldn't think of liking my teacher.
(audience laughs)
Yeah, but Miss Canfield's a lot prettier
than Mr. Bloomgarten.
(audience laughs)
Yeah, I guess she is at that.
Wally, I'm not a teacher's pet.
But I gotta get that snake out of her desk
before she finds it.
What do you mean?
The only way a guy could do that
would be to sneak in there tonight and get it.
Boy, you're sunk.
Where do you think you're going?
I gotta go get that snake out of Miss Canfield's desk.
You wanna come with me?
Are you kidding?
If Mr. Johnson the watchman caught us, he'd kill us.
Yeah, so long, Wally.
(audience laughs)
Now, wait a minute.
You're not gonna go off and get yourself killed
and get me in trouble.
(audience laughs)
I'll go with you.
Would you, Wally?
Sure.
If you're gonna sneak in there,
I gotta see that you do it right.
(audience laughs) (dramatic music)
Oh.
Oh, good evening, Mr.Johnson.
Good evening, Mrs. Rayburn.
Working a little late this evening?
Yes, with tests coming on and all.
Yeah, it's almost 10 o'clock.
That's practically the middle of the morning for me.
(chuckling)
It must be lonesome for you here at night.
Oh, no, I'm used to it.
Anyhow, I brought a friend with me this evening.
- A friend?
- Yes.
Oh, (chuckles) little rascal.
(whistles) Here, boy!
That's a good boy, Alfred.
I thought it might be a good idea
if I left Alfred here when I went out for coffee.
Well, I'm sure the school will be safe in Alfred's hands.
Or should we say paws?
(laughing)
(idyllic music)
Dear, don't you think you better get the boys to bed?
It's after 9:30.
They came down about a half an hour ago
and said good night, said they were pretty tired.
Oh?
Did you ever find out what was bothering the Beaver?
No, I guess whatever it was, he's forgotten.
Well, that's one good thing about being their age.
Your troubles never interfere with your sleep.
(audience laughs)
[Beaver] Gee, we got in easy.
I told you Mr.Johnson always leaves the door open
when he goes out for coffee.
That Mr.Johnson isn't much of a watchman, is he?
He doesn't have to be.
Who'd wanna get into a school?
(audience laughs)
Come on, let's get down to your classroom.
(suspenseful music)
Wally, I don't like school much in the daytime,
but I really don't like it at night.
Shh, come on. (Audience laughs)
(growling)
Wally.
What?
Was that your stomach rumbling?
(audience laughs)
No.
It wasn't mine either.
(audience laughs)
I guess it was nothing.
(growling)
That nothing sure sounds like something.
(audience laughs)
Do you think it's a dog?
I sure hope it's a dog.
I sure hope it's a little dog.
Whatever it is, it's right around the corner.
You better take a look, Wally.
(growling)
It's a dog.
(growling) (barks)
It sure is a lot of dog.
(audience laughs)
Maybe he's friendly.
(barking) (dramatic music)
Come on, get up.
- Again?
Shh.
June, I think I'd like a glass of hot milk
before we go to bed.
All right, dear.
I'll get it for you in a minute.
I'm going up to check on the boys now.
(suspenseful music)
(door creaks)
(audience laughs)
(audience laughs)
(audience laughs)
Good heavens.
Ward!
Ward!
Ward! (Audience laughing)
Ward!
Ward, the boys, the boys!
Calm down, dear.
What about the boys?
- They're not up there!
Their beds are full of books and pillows.
- Are you sure?
- Yes, they've run away.
Well, we'd better see about this.
(audience laughs)
- Oh, come on.
Where do you suppose they could've gone
at this time of night?
Dear, I haven't the faintest idea.
Their beds are full of boxes and pillows.
(audience laughs)
Well, they weren't here a minute ago.
There were just books and pillows.
Dear, I think we'd both better have a glass of hot milk
and go to bed, huh?
Ward, I tell you, they weren't there a minute ago.
Darling, I don't doubt it.
Kids do sneak out at night, you know.
Well, don't you think you ought to speak to them about it?
Well, yeah, but not right now.
I'll find just the right moment.
Don't worry about it.
I'm sure it's perfectly harmless.
I used to sneak out at night.
I used to go out looking for night crawlers,
or borrowing apples off the neighbors' tree,
or,
or
(sighs)
Or looking for the cute little thing
with the braces and the platinum blonde pageboy?
(audience laughs)
(clears throat) Darling, at their age,
I'm sure night crawlers have a lot more appeal.
(audience laughs)
Wally, I just looked in the classroom.
Miss Canfield's already there.
Which drawer did you say you put the snake in?
The left one on the top.
Well, then, all you gotta do is keep her
from opening that drawer.
Sure, that's all I gotta do.
How am I gonna do that, Wally?
Look, I'm late for my class.
I gave you a good idea.
Now it's up to you to figure out how you're gonna do it.
(bell ringing)
Now if you'll all open the pads, I want to show you
Where's that ruler of mine?
I think it's in your desk, Miss Canfield.
Oh.
Miss Canfield!
Yes, Beaver?
Could I be excused?
(audience laughs)
Well, of course, Beaver.
(audience laughs) (bell rings)
Recess, children.
(dramatic music)
Theodore. (Audience laughs)
Well, aren't you having lunch in the cafeteria?
Um, I already eated.
Oh, you really shouldn't eat so fast.
Yes, Mrs. Rayburn.
Have you seen Miss Canfield's attendance report?
No, Mrs. Rayburn.
Well, it must be here someplace.
(audience laughs)
Oh, well, here it is.
(audience laughing)
Why, Theodore, you must've eaten much too fast.
Why, you look positively green.
I feel all right.
Oh, you better come along with me.
We'll have the nurse give you something.
Hurry up, children.
We only have a few more minutes.
Psst.
Yes, Whitey?
Could I borrow your ruler?
Of course.
Ow! (Audience laughs)
Judy, what's going on?
The Beaver pulled my hair.
Well, Beaver, did you do that?
Yes, Miss Canfield.
I pulled her hair, all right.
Just why?
Well, because, um
(bell ringing)
The rest of the class, hand in your papers.
Theodore Cleaver, you stay after school.
(drawer slides open) (audience laughs)
It's not there, Beaver.
(audience laughs)
What's not there, Miss Canfield?
Is this what you're looking for?
Uh,
yes, Miss Canfield.
Did you put this in my desk, Beaver?
Yes, Miss Canfield.
Why did you do this, Beaver?
I thought we liked each other.
That's why I did it.
The kids called me teacher's pet.
Oh, they made fun of you,
and you wanted to prove you weren't.
Kinda, sorta.
Gee, I hope it didn't scare you too much.
Well, I've been teaching second grade
for about six months now.
I wasn't as frightened as I might have been.
I'm awfully sorry, Miss Canfield.
I really like you a whole lots.
Well, I'm very fond of you too, Beaver.
But I'm afraid I made a mistake.
Do teachers make mistakes?
Oh, indeed they do.
I think it must have seemed to the other children
as though I was showing favoritism.
We can't have that, can we, Beaver?
No, Miss Canfield.
Does this mean I can't like you anymore?
Well, of course not.
I'm sure glad of that.
Well, Beaver, it couldn't be that important.
But it is.
I asked my mom this morning when I could marry you.
Oh.
Uh, but, Beaver, I'm quite a bit older than you are.
My mom says I'm growing up.
Well, of course you are.
And, well, I'm sure before long,
you'll like some nice little girl your own age.
I don't think so, Miss Canfield.
Little girls don't smell as nice as you do.
Oh, that's a very nice compliment, Beaver.
But I hope you'll remember what I said.
I'll try.
Beaver, I think it will be all right
if you don't finish those sentences.
Oh, no, Miss Canfield, you can't show any favoritism.
June, I think now might be a good time for me
to talk to the boys about last night.
They really shouldn't be sneaking out
without our knowing it.
Dear, I don't think it'll happen again.
Miss Canfield called me today.
It wasn't night crawlers or apples.
It seems the Beaver's in love with Miss Canfield.
Are you serious?
Uh-huh.
Honey, maybe you ought to talk to him,
kind of help straighten him out.
Well, the trouble is, I don't really know what to say.
Oh, he'll get over it in time, I'm sure.
I suppose so.
Wally?
What is it, Beave?
Did you ever like somebody that was grown up?
Sure, I like Mom and Dad.
I mean like Miss Canfield.
Well
Well, what?
You remember Miss Hildebrand?
That lady that lived next to us
when we were up at the lake?
Yeah, I used to row her across the lake to get the mail.
You liked her?
A whole lot.
But, Wally, she married the man that smoked a pipe.
I know.
Wally, that girl up at the lake,
did you ever really get over her?
You promise not to tell anybody?
I promise I won't tell nobody.
No, Beaver, I never got over her.
You know something?
I don't think I'm ever gonna get over Miss Canfield either.
(dramatic music)
(cheerful music)
(epic music)