My Three Sons (1960) s01e08 Episode Script

1
(theme song plays)
"One for the blackbird, one for the crow,
one for the cutworm and one to grow."
BUB: Chip! Come in, eat your breakfast!
I'm busy!
Well, get un-busy and come in here.
Just a second, Bub.
"One for the blackbird, one for the crow"
"Three to make ready and four to go." Now!
Okay, Bub. Just a second.
Do you want a turkey dinner tomorrow?
Sure, but I'm busy!
Well, come in here and eat your oatmeal!
She's only a bird in a gilded cage ♪
Looks more like a turkey to me.
Turkey! Yeah.
Boy, it looks good.
Bring this list of stuff when you come home from school.
Sage. Celery. Yeah.
Chestnuts.
Yeah. Sweet potatoes?
Yeah. Olives.
Mm-hmm. Cranberry sauce.
Yeah!
Boy, I'm gonna stuff myself good.
That'll be unusual.
Ah! Good old day-before-Thanksgiving oatmeal.
Finally decided who you're gonna bring tomorrow?
Wait, don't tell me who you're bringing.
Let me guess.
I got it! Good old faithful, lovey-dovey,
girl next door, oozy-woozy, cuddling-puddling
When will I ever learn
not to ask my little brother a simple question?
I'm bringing Miss Benson.
Is she pretty?
She's the best-looking science teacher
in the whole school.
How many science teachers have you got over there?
Just Miss Benson.
STEVE: Morning, Bub.
Morning.
Guess who I asked.
Looks like we're in for a little rain today.
No, we aren't.
How do you know?
"If ice in November will bear a duck,
nothing falls after but sleet and muck."
Well. Longfellow?
Nope. Johnny Squanto.
Oh. Just a minute, you missed a spot here. Hold still.
What have you been doing
out in the backyard all the time, Chip?
Planting corn.
This time of year?
"When leaf of white oak is size of ear of mouse."
"When leaf of white oak is size of ear of mouse"?
John Milton?
John Squanto.
Oh. Okay, Chip, I give up.
Who's John Squanto?
Oh, he's some old guy
He's my friend. You'll meet him tomorrow.
Oh, I will?
He's my friend for Thanksgiving dinner.
Chip, you're kidding, aren't you?
Dad said we can invite
our favorite friend for Thanksgiving dinner.
That's right.
Oh, no. Oh, no, you don't.
Dad, you can't let that old creep eat with us.
Not on a big deal like Thanksgiving. Oh, no.
Fine. How am I supposed to tell Jean that she has
to come and eat at the same table with old Squinteye?
Squanto, not Squinteye.
Oh, big chief's
STEVE: Wait, wait, wait a minute.
Rob? Mike?
Chip, just who is John Squanto?
He's an Indian.
He's an Indian like I'm an Indian.
Dad, I went to a lot of trouble to get Miss Benson
to come to dinner tomorrow.
She's real sharp and polite, and everything
and, well, you just can't let
Chip bring that old phony here.
He isn't a phony.
Johnny's a real Indian.
MIKE: Real Indian.
He's a real liar, that's what he is.
He is not! He's a Sagamore chief!
ROBBIE: Ooga-booga, booga-booga.
Cut it out, Robbie! MIKE: Dad, you oughtta
see the crummy old shack he lives in.
Yeah, over by the county dump.
It's a nice house.
Have you been there, Chip?
Sure, lots of times.
MIKE: Well, that's a bright thing to do.
BUB: Since when do you waltz off by yourself
without letting me know anything about it?
ROBBIE: Boy, what a dumbo.
You sure wouldn't catch me
anywhere near that dirty old bum.
Johnny is not a bum!
He's a real Indian,
and he's better than all of you put together!
And his great-great grandfather way back
even helped the Pilgrims!
(door slams)
The old coot.
Trying to palm himself off on us as an Indian.
Yeah, just because Chip has a big thing about Indians.
You know, I don't think
I've ever had Thanksgiving dinner
with a dirty, lying, old bum.
Well, he's really not dirty.
Oh, I'm glad to hear that.
He's, uh, just a liar and a bum, huh?
Well, you know what he means, Dad.
He's a, he's a tramp.
Hmm?
A drifter.
Oh.
I thought you said he had a house.
How could he, uh, be a tramp and drift
if he lives in one spot?
Well, he's not a bum, exactly.
He's just sort of a loafer.
Oh, you, you mean he doesn't like to work, huh?
No, he, he works, but He's got a job?
Well, he does odd jobs.
Changes sink washers, cuts firewood.
Collects old newspapers, mows the lawn.
Odd jobs, like that, you know what I mean.
He, uh, sounds like a pretty hard-working loafer, to me.
Too bad he's such an old liar.
Yeah. That's what I mean.
Once, when I was a kid, he tried to tell me
he was from the Wampanoag tribe.
Yeah, how 'bout that?
There aren't even any Wampanoags left, are there, Dad?
Oh, don't ask me, Mike.
I'm not an authority on Indians.
Well, I'm not either, but
Look. Whether he's an Indian or not, Chip thinks he is.
So, why don't we just go along with that for a while, huh?
Well sure.
After all, it is Thanksgiving, isn't it?
Yeah.
Okay.
Well, we better get going, Robbie.
Excuse me.
Bub, I may be a little late for dinner tonight.
Yeah, why?
Well, I think I'll look up this Mr. Squanto
and have a little talk with him.
Real Indian or not, I'm not sure I like the idea
of Chip's going down to his place alone.
Well, what about dinner tomorrow?
What about it?
Well, you can just tell him that Chip is a little boy,
and he got things all balled up.
Oh, you mean about Chip's inviting him to dinner.
Yeah, I can do that.
We'll see.
(train whistle blows)
Mr. Squanto?
(train whistle blows)
Oh, are you, uh, Johnny Squanto?
Oh, I'm sorry. The door opened when I knocked, and, uh
Won't you come in?
I'm, uh, Steve Douglas.
I'm Chip's father.
Thanks.
Oh, no, thank you, uh, I can just stay a few minutes.
They're waiting dinner for me at home.
(train cars rattling)
Uh, Chip tells me that you and he are good friends,
and that he, uh, comes here to visit you.
Well, that's, uh, that's what I wanted
to talk to you about, Mister, uh
Sit down, please.
That's what I wanted to talk about, his coming down here.
It's pretty, uh, difficult to keep tabs
on a little boy like Chip,
who's as active as he is,
and we, uh, do our best to know where he is at all times,
but sometimes, he does things we don't know about.
Like, well, like his coming here.
I found out about it this morning.
(distant train horn blares)
It's all right, his coming here.
It's just that, uh
I have my own tobacco, thank you.
Thank you.
It's just that he's a little boy, and
it's kind of far from our home.
Oh
Chip tells me that, uh he invited you
for Thanksgiving dinner at our house tomorrow.
I'm sorry about that, I
I did tell him that he could invite
one of his friends, but of course, we thought
Mr. Squanto
the reason I came here was to tell you that
we'll have dinner about 1:00 tomorrow,
and we'd be very happy to have you as our guest.
(train whistle blows)
ROBBIE: Hey, Dad!
(mutters)
Are you awake?
No.
Good! Hey! Happy turkey, Dad!
Happy turkey to you, Rob. Good-bye.
Bub told me you were over old Squanto's place last night.
You think he's a real Indian?
Well, uh What's his place look like?
Any clay pots or arrowheads?
No.
I didn't think he was much of a real Indian.
Look, Robbie, it's, it's kind of early.
Why, why don't we give him the benefit of the doubt, huh?
Hey, Dad! Boy, have we got trouble.
Well, that's par for the course.
Bub's in a real lather.
Situation normal.
Morning, Dad!
Oh, boy. (Barking)
Bub said you went to see Johnny last night.
Mm-hmm. Are you gonna let him come to dinner?
Thing like that could cost
a couple of hundred bucks to fix.
Yes, he's coming to dinner. Oh, boy, Dad!
You're the greatest. I knew you were gonna like Johnny.
Just a minute. Rob! Robbie, Robbie. Just a minute.
What, Dad? Nothing, just sit down.
And Governor Bradford is gonna tell you all about the
What's wrong with it? Wait, just a minute.
What did you say, Rob? I mean
I said, what's wrong with it? No, I don't mean
what did you say? I mean, what did you say, Mike?
The stove! Something's wrong with the stove!
Well, what's wrong with it?
I don't know what's wrong with it. It, it just won't work.
Oh. Well, we-we'll fix that. Don't you worry about it.
I gotta get a little more sleep, okay?
MIKE: Well, how are we gonna cook the turkey?
That bird should have been simmering by now.
MIKE: Say, maybe you ought to check those coils,
or, or insulators, again.
I just did. I see.
Johnny Squanto could fix it.
The stove's okay.
It's just there's a foul-up on the power line somewhere.
Well, the lights are still on.
It's the stove outlet, the 220 line.
A regular electrician could fix it just like that.
Okay, okay.
I see.
Okay, thanks very much.
Well, that's that.
BUB: Any luck, Steve?
Well, the power company only has a skeleton crew on today
and can't promise to send a man out
at any specific time, if at all.
Well, that fixes that. We're gonna end up
with peanut butter and jelly.
Johnny Squanto could fix it.
Oh, let's not give up now.
Bub, what was the name of that electrician
that fixed the washing machine? You remember,
he told us he lived right around here someplace?
Maybe we could get him over.
Yeah, what was his name?
I'll look it up.
Uh, Bub, why don't you call some of the neighbors?
Maybe somebody has an oven we can use.
Are you kidding? Every oven in town is busy.
They're all baking turkeys and pumpkin pie.
Except us. Yeah.
But it's worth a try. Bub, go ahead.
All right.
We'll get this old bird cooked one way or another.
Johnny Squanto could fix it.
ROBBIE: I get hungry just looking at it.
Say, you know, Chuck Boone
has one of those, uh, rotisserie things.
Oh, good, Mike. Why don't you
go see if you can borrow it, huh?
Yeah. Come on, Robbie.
Dad? Yeah?
Johnny Squanto could fix it.
Mm-hmm.
Should I go get him?
Yeah, f-fine, Chip.
Oh, boy!
Oh, here it is, Bub. Crane. Harry Crane.
That was the fellow, wasn't it? That's the guy.
Residence: Linden Street. That's right over here.
What's his number? I'll call him.
No, no. It's just a couple of blocks from here.
I'll just go and get him and haul him over here.
What if he isn't home?
Oh, he'll be home.
It's Thanksgiving, isn't it?
Maybe you'd better keep trying
to get that spare oven, just in case.
BUB: 23 calls. That's right.
I've made 23 phone calls, and not an oven in sight.
What did you say?
I can't hear you, Steve.
Where are you, anyway?
I said I've been chasing him all over town,
but I haven't found him yet.
What?
What?
What?
Oh. I said I've been looking all over town for Harry Crane.
I haven't found him yet.
Well, look, Steve Hey, Bub! Hey, Bub!
Hold on a minute, will you?
(yelling): What is it?
(quietly): What is it?
Johnny thinks it's the outlet.
There's a power failure, he thinks.
Well, stop the presses.
Hey, Steve, why don't you? Yeah.
I said, why don't you just?
Why don't we cut it up and broil it?
BUB: What did you say?
You ever try to broil a turkey that size?
What? No. Don't.
What's that, Steve?
In case I don't find him,
why don't you call the Kingsley House
and make reservations for us all, huh?
Okay, Steve. Right. Good-bye.
What?
I said good-bye.
Oh. Good-bye.
What did you say?
I said good-bye.
That's what I said I said.
Good-bye.
When do we eat?
Soon as I get the number of the Kingsley House
and make a reservation.
MIKE: Well, that's a restaurant.
A lot of people eat in restaurants on Thanksgiving.
Yeah, well, Miss Benson was
looking forward to a home-cooked meal.
Now, look, fellas, let's not start moaning.
Robbie, put that bird in the freezer.
Soon as we get through here,
we gotta go and get dressed.
We can't show up at the Kingsley House looking like this.
Hello.
I want to make a reservation tonight for di
Well, what time will you have one available?
10:00? 10:00 tonight?
ROBBIE: We'll starve!
Look, I'm sure it would only take
him a few minutes, Mrs. Crane.
Look, Mr. Douglas, you're a very nice man,
and Harry likes you a lot.
Oh, and he still talks about that wonderful,
exciting time he had fixing
your washing machine. But, now,
wouldn't you hate to disturb a perfect memory like that
by taking him away from his Thanksgiving dinner?
Well, isn't he lucky to have a Thanksgiving dinner
he can be taken away from?
Look, you're the fifth one today who's been after him.
And, now that Harry's finally home,
I plan to keep him here.
Well, at least till after dinner.
Look, Mrs. Crane, I'm right back where I started from.
I've been following him around town for over four hours.
You and ten other people with electrical problems.
Honestly, there's no privacy at all.
Up all hours, phone calls at 3:00 a.m., 4:00 a.m.,
day or night, seven days a
week including holidays, like today.
It's like being married to an obstetrician.
We're not expecting a baby, Mrs. Crane. Just
I wish you were.
Then you wouldn't be bothering Harry.
Mrs. Crane, it's Thanksgiving.
(mutters): Restaurant.
Fine way to spend a Thanksgiving.
(sniffing)
(sniffing)
(sniffing)
(sniffing)
(sniffing continues)
(sniffing)
(sniffing)
Do you fellows smell anything?
Smells like someone's cooking.
That's what I thought.
Maybe it's over at the Pearsons'.
Maybe.
(sniffing)
Sorry.
(sniffing)
Seems to be coming from back here somewhere.
Yeah.
(sniffing)
ROBBIE: Our turkey!
What's it doing there?
Cooking.
Kingsley House, here we come.
That's how the Wampanoags do it.
It's also how the hoboes do it.
ROBBIE: "Wampanoag recipe for Turkey Squanto:
Dump bird in hole in the ground."
MIKE: "Season with dried grass,
with a generous helping of wet leaves."
BUB: And good luck.
All right, now I cross the "T" wire to the "E" wire.
That's that's the red one to the yellow one, right?
Now what do I what do I do with the black one
and the white one that are left? (Mumbling)
I beg your pardon? (Mumbling louder)
I can't hear you very well, Mr. Crane.
Could you speak a little louder?
What do I do with the black one and the white one?
It's no fair, Dad! It's just no fair!
He did all the work, and now
they went and hurt his feelings.
And now we can't find him.
Who? Well, Tramp always comes home, Chip.
Not Tramp, Dad. How come you never understand
what I'm talking about? I I understand.
Isn't that right, Dad? Tell him I'm right.
I don't know if you're right or not.
I knew that big mouth of yours
would get us into trouble someday.
Now, look, fellas.
Dad, how can you take sides
when you weren't even here?
What do you mean, take sides?
The only mistake we made with you, Robbie,
was teaching you how to talk.
Look, look, look.
Yeah, well, who practically
yelled right in Squanto's face
that he wasn't an Indian?
And what did you say? Boys?
Did you have anything nice to say about him?
Yeah, well I sure had something
nice to say to you. Come on, Dad.
Now, Chip Thank goodness.
Here, Mr. Douglas.
Would you put this on the table, please?
Oh, why certainly. Come on, Dad.
(Miss Benson hums) Chip, who is that?
Miss Benson. Come on!
The turkey's going to be all burned.
Burned, how could it be burned? Come on!
It's not even cooked yet, is it? Hi, Mr. Douglas.
Oh, hello, Jean. Better find Mr. Squanto quickly.
Yeah, let's go see if he went home.
The table's out here, Mr. Douglas.
Oh Come on, we got to go get him.
(humming, indistinct chatter)
Well, for the love of Mike Come on!
(indistinct chatter)
Wait a minute, Chip.
Here, let me take that.
Well, thank you, Miss Benson.
Doesn't it look nice? It certainly does.
Who did all this? Squanto, but I guess he lost his nerve
when it came to eating his own cooking.
He did not. Well, where is he, Chip?
That's what I've been trying to tell you.
He left because Mike and Robbie hurt his feelings.
Mike, I thought we talked this all over.
Dad, it isn't my fault.
I tried to tell Robbie What?
What did you try to tell me?
Well, I Never mind, Mike.
Well, it, uh looks like we sort of messed up
the spirit of Thanksgiving, doesn't it?
I wonder what we can do to Christmas?
SQUANTO: The moon comes full and greets all here.
Jeepers!
Johnny Squanto is honored to be a guest
at your feast of Thanksgiving.
Many moons ago, another Squanto was a guest
at the first feast of Thanksgiving.
His son traveled to the West, and settled here.
Here, where this house now stands,
Squanto's great grandfather built a camp
in a clearing of tall birch trees,
and used the bark to make many strong canoes.
The running stream was clear and sweet,
and he planted corn where.
Little Chipmunk now plants his corn.
Then after many snows had melted,
men came with great saws and bulldozers,
and cement mixers.
And Squanto's people
left with the wild birds of the sky
and animals of the forest.
Johnny was only a boy then,
like Little Chipmunk, here.
"Always watch over this land," Johnny's father told him.
"For in it, dwells the spirit of the Wampanoags."
So Johnny Squanto still lives in this town,
watching over the land of his ancestors.
And today, as it was in the beginning
the Indian and the white man
meet on their common ground,
to give thanks.
(door closes)
Well, I guess we better eat without him.
Come on, let's get the show on the road.
Mr. Squanto, I'm afraid most of us Douglases
have been guilty of an error in judgment.
BUB: Well I, I had a feeling all along.
Boy, you said it, Mr. Squanto
(overlapping chatter)
There's an old Wampanoag saying:
"The secret of all true happiness
is a trusting heart."
We Douglases have a saying, too, Mr. Squanto.
"Any friend of Chip's is a friend of ours."
Yeah, that's right. Yeah, Mr. Squanto.
(all greeting)
MISS BENSON: We gather together ♪
To ask the Lord's blessing ♪
Well, come on, let's get at this dinner.
There's plenty of food here. I know you're all hungry.
Come on.
(others join in): The wicked oppressing ♪
Now cease from distressing ♪
Sing praises to His name ♪
He forgets not His own ♪
We all do extol Thee ♪
Thou leader triumphant ♪
I don't know how we can ever
thank you for this, Mr. Squanto.
You've certainly made our Thanksgiving.
Oh, by the way, I, uh,
I notice you can talk when you want to.
At your house last night Oh, yes.
Misplaced something important.
Just found it.
All safely anchored now.
(indistinct conversations)
Ordaining, maintaining His kingdom divine ♪
So from the beginning ♪
The fight we were winning ♪
Come on, you fellows, with that turkey!
Now, let's enjoy this wonderful food.
Now, Miss Benson, will you sit right there, please?
Jean, you sit right
That's the turkey, everyone.
(indistinct chatter)
(guests continue singing hymn)
Well, anybody wants dark meat,
raise their hand. I want both.
Okay, Chip. (Overlapping chatter continues)
Thy name be ever praised ♪
O Lord, make us free. ♪