The Andy Griffith Show (1960) s01e08 Episode Script

( whistling sprightly tune)
starring Andy Griffith
with Ronny Howard.
Also starring Don Knotts.
Strike!
Boy, you really do burn 'em!
No fooling, Paw?
Did it really sting you?
Boy, you better know
it did, cannonball.
I reckon I better
ease up a mite.
Nah, I'll just have
to learn to live with it
till my hand toughens up.
Too bad we ain't
got a batter, though
so you could get the feeling
of pitching to somebody.
Good morning, Andy.
Annabelle Silby, how
in the world are you?
Opie, take off your
hat and say how do
to Miss Silby.
How do, Miss Silby?
Hello, Opie.
Andy, once again,
the women of Mayberry
have elected me chairman
of the underprivileged
children's charity drive.
Oh, and I reckon
you want me to serve
on the fund soliciting
committee, do you?
Well, yes!
This year especially,
the need is so great
Andy.
Now, we have divided Mayberry
Excuse me, would
you mind stepping?
With soliciting help
for each section,
and I thought you
might take the area
that goes from Grover's Place
over to Banner Street
then around
Cornwell's gas station
up to Tate Warren's store.
Strike!
Boy, you caught
her flat-footed, Opie.
What?!
No use arguing about
that one, Annabelle.
It was waist high over
the outside corner.
Andy Taylor, what are you doing?
I'm sorry, Annabelle.
I was just trying to give Opie
the feeling of
pitching to a batter.
You got a real nice
stance there, too.
Really? Yes, sir.
You could have
been a power hitter.
See if you can find yourself
another catcher, Opie.
Okay, Paw.
Come on in, set down, Annabelle.
Annabelle, I declare
you sure do keep yourself busy.
There ain't been a
single time of need
that you and your ladies club
ain't been right there.
Well, thank you, Andy.
It's the truth.
Sit down here and rest yourself.
Want some coffee?
Oh, please.
I never will forget
that fine canteen
that you and the club
got up for the boys
when they was coming
back from the war.
Giving up your time
to dance with them.
Every Saturday night.
'Course I always did figure
the boys had been
through enough.
It was a fine canteen.
Fine.
But you always was
one for doing things right.
Well, I'm a proud woman, Andy.
Can't help it.
I was reared that way.
I know. I know.
It gets harder,
though, keeping up
especially the past two years
since my poor
Tom, rest his soul
passed on.
I know you must miss him.
Yes, I do, Andy.
'Course I guess
I did pick at him
more than was right.
Now, now, don't, don't go
blaming yourself too much.
After all, it ain't easy
being married to a
drinking man.
Andy Taylor, my Tom
was not a drinking man.
He wasn't?
Absolutely not.
Well, it's too bad
Tom didn't know that
'cause he sure did waste hisself
on some awful hangovers.
Well, he may have had
a little tonic now and then,
for his blood, you understand.
Well, you know, I
never saw a man
take tonic with a beer chaser.
Annabelle, I declare,
you're a sight in this world.
You got too much pride to
have a husband who drinks
so he didn't even though he did.
Well, now and then,
on special occasions
he might have
Oh, Andy
I was so foolish
about my poor Tom.
I just can't tell
you how sorry I am
that I ever let him go
on that business trip to
Charlottesville without me.
Yeah, I know.
Being run over by a taxicab
ain't the most fitting
way for a man to go.
But I'll say one thing.
You sure give him
some fine funeral.
It was beautiful, wasn't it?
The finest this
town's ever seen.
It was the least I could do.
Yes, sir.
Folks still say
they say, "that Annabelle Silby
she sure puts out
some fine funeral."
But you always was one
for doing things proper.
That's the way I
like to do things.
Well, then I can count on you
to, uh, serve on
the fund committee?
Oh, why, certainly. Certainly.
We need everyone's cooperation.
Even the schoolchildren
are trying to outdo
each other raising funds.
Is that right?
Yes, donating their
spending money, savings.
Yeah, I reckon
Opie's right up there
with the top donators, is he?
Well, as a matter of fact, no.
No?
Some of the children
have been most generous
giving as much as
a dollar, and two.
Well, what about Opie?
Three cents.
Three cents?
Yes. The next
lowest was five cents
given by Roy Pruitt.
Well, he must be
kind of tight, like Opie.
Not exactly.
He's one of the
underprivileged children.
Well, how do you like that boy?
OPIE: Hi, Paw.
Well, I'll be running along now.
Bye, Andy.
Bye, Opie.
Bye. Bye.
Well, if it ain't
Charlie Moneybags
the big philanthropist?
How do you do?
What you talking about, Paw?
I'm talking about
the underprivileged
children's drive.
Oh. They collected
for that at school, Paw.
Oh, I know they did.
I know they did.
And when they called your name
you gave the large, generous
amount of three cents.
My, that is big of
you, Diamond Jim.
Did I give them too much, Paw?
Too much?
I could ask them to
give back two cents.
Now, looky here.
We better talk about this thing.
Now, now, now, look here, Opie
you can't give a little
bitty piddling amount
like three cents
to a worthy cause
like the underprivileged
children's drive.
Why, I was reading
here just the other day
where there's somewhere
like 400 needy boys
in this county alone
or one and a half
boys per square mile.
There is?
There sure is.
I never seen one, Paw.
Never seen one what?
A half a boy.
Well, it's not
really a half a boy.
It's a ratio.
Horatio who?
Not Horatio a ratio.
It's mathematics.
Arithmetic.
Look, now, Opie, just
forget that part of it.
Forget the part
about the half a boy.
It's pretty hard to forget
a thing like that, Paw.
Well, try!
Poor Horatio.
Now, look, Opie, Horatio
is not the only needy boy
Son, uh, didn't you
didn't you ever give
anybody anything
just for the pleasure of it?
Something you didn't
want anything in return for?
Sure. Just yesterday, I gave
my friend Jimmy something.
Now, that's fine.
What did you give him?
A sock in the head.
I I meant charity.
I didn't charge him nothing.
I meant something
for the joy of giving.
I enjoyed it.
I don't like Jimmy no more.
He makes fun of Charlotte.
Who's Charlotte?
My girlfriend.
Oh.
Well, I just don't see
how anybody who
has got as much as you
could care so
little about others.
I care about others, honest.
Not when you give
a little, piddling
amount like three cents.
That's being selfish.
You should have given
at least a half a
dollar or a dollar.
A dollar?
Gosh, Paw, I only have
$2.20 in my whole piggy bank
and I'm saving it to
buy Charlotte something.
Well, now, that's dandy.
That is just dandy.
Whole dollars you'll squander
on your girlfriend, Charlotte
but when it comes
to the underprivileged
children's fund
you've got only three cents.
I wasn't going to
squander it, Paw.
I wasn't going to squander it.
Yeah.
What's squander?
That's throwing your
money away foolishly.
Oh, but, Paw, I wouldn't
be throwing it away.
All I can say is if your
head can be turned
by a pretty face at your age
heaven help you
when you're grown up.
ANDY: Oh, hi, Aunt Bee.
Hi, Andy.
I thought I'd find Opie here.
Maybe you'll help me
carry home some packages
from the store, hmm?
Sure, Aunt Bee.
Me and Opie was
just having a little talk
on the meaning of charity.
Charity?
Yeah, I was kinda
explaining to Opie
that there's two kinds
of people in the world.
There's givers
and there's takers
and Opie, he's
somewhere in the middle.
He's a squeezer.
I don't understand.
Do you know how
much this young'un gave
to the underprivileged
children's fund?
Three cents.
Three miserable, measly pennies.
You sure you don't want
to make that four cents?
It's tax deductible, you know.
Is that true, Opie?
With all the money
you have saved up
in your piggy bank?
But I'm saving that money.
He's saving it to buy his
girlfriend Charlotte something.
Well, it's downright
embarrassing for me
I'll tell you that.
Here I am, the
sheriff of the town
Justice of the Peace,
respectable member
of the children's
fundraising committee
and I'm raising a playboy.
Paw, I'm not a playboy.
You get along
with your Aunt Bee.
I'd talk further
but I got paperwork
that has to be done.
Bye, Andy. Bye.
Bye, Paw.
And we'll finish
this talk later on, too.
Hello there, Andy.
How do?
It it's me, Tom.
Don't you remember?
Well, Tom Silby!
Of course I remember!
Well, I'll be dogged!
I ain't seen you around
these parts since
since your funeral.
Funeral?
What funeral?
Well, uh, Tom, maybe
we better come inside
where we can talk.
Andy, what's ailing you?
Well, it just can't
be, that's all.
What can't be?
Well, you can't be, Tom.
You're gone.
I was gone, but I come back.
But you can't come back
not after you're gone.
It just ain't decent.
What the devil are
you talking about?
Why can't I come
back after I've gone?
You're talking crazy.
Well, maybe I am.
Well, then then,
you you do the talking.
Well, you ought to have
figured what happened.
You know how Annabelle is.
Finally I couldn't
stand it no more
and had a big fight
told her I was leaving
and never coming back.
But after a couple of years
well, I I got kind
of lonesome for her.
I thought maybe
you could tell me
how she's getting on.
( chuckling)
( both chuckling)
( laughing)
I'll be dogged!
I'm just a flat dog.
Don't that beat anything
you ever heard of?
Andy, would you tell
me what's going on?
What's the joke?
It's that Annabelle.
It's just like her
not to be able to admit
to anybody in town
that she couldn't hold
on to her husband.
Only she could be so
proud to do what she done.
What's she done?
She told everybody
that you went down
to Charlottesville
and got run over.
Run over?
By a taxicab.
And she had this nice
mahogany box sent back
and had you buried
like you was in it.
What?!
Well, yes.
Far as the town's concerned
you're as dead as a hammer.
I don't believe it.
I know she's proud, all right
but burying me
when I'm still alive
I just don't believe it.
All I did was go down
to Charlottesville.
Well, Tom, we all figured
you was a lot further
down than that.
Well, where to?
I'll show you.
Oh, wait.
In case you feel like
paying respects to yourself.
"A fine man and a dear husband."
That's beautiful, Andy.
Was a nice funeral
Annabelle gave me, huh?
Best.
Much of a turnout?
Turnout?
Shoo. More folks
turned out to see you go
than they did that time
that carnival fella
come through here
with that stuffed whale.
You're fooling.
No, I'm not neither.
Everybody was here.
Right over there
right there stood Mayor Jenkins
wearing them striped
britches, you know.
( chuckling): Yeah.
And on both sides of him
stood all the Aldermen.
All the Aldermen?
Every one of them.
Including Sam Peabody?
Yes, sir.
Doggone it, Annabelle knows
I can't stand Sam Peabody.
Why'd she go and
invite him to my funeral?
I don't know that she invited
he had a lot of nerve
crashing my funeral.
Now, Tom, you're
just being silly.
Now here Annabelle
breaks her back
to give you the finest
send-off this town has seen
and you go pouting over details.
She couldn't exactly
check the guest list
with you, you know.
That's true.
And everybody was there?
Everybody.
Right over there.
Right over there stood
your lodge brothers.
Right there?
Yes, all in a group, you know?
And just before
they lowered you,
why, they sung the lodge song.
Oh, that's a
beautiful song, Andy.
We're brothers together ♪
Oh, but I used to sing
second tenor with them.
They ain't got no decent
second tenor outside of me.
They couldn't have been
much good without me.
Now there you go arguing
again, Tom.
Now make up your mind.
You can't sing second tenor
and get lowered
at the same time.
It just can't be done.
Yeah. I'm sorry.
I guess a fella
just likes to know
that everything was
perfect at his funeral.
After all, it's his last party.
Well, it was perfect.
It was beautiful.
I even got to believing you
was a great man myself, Tom
even though I never did see
you equal at elbow-bending.
I don't drink no more, Andy.
You don't?
Without Annabelle to answer to
I found I didn't need to drink.
How come you
come back here then?
Well
Aw, you kind of miss
her a little bit, don't you?
I reckon I do.
If only she wasn't
so so proud.
Come on back to the
house with me, Tom.
Oh, Andy.
Hmm?
Tell the caretaker my
plot needs watering.
Paw.
Oh, hi, Ope.
Can I have some
money for a soda?
Yeah, I reckon.
Well, no, I reckon you can't.
Asking me for money
when you got a piggy bank
that's bulging like one of
Jonah Conway's prized pig.
But I'm saving that money.
I ain't forgot about that,
and I ain't forgot
that me and you
was in the middle
of a talk either.
I'll see you in a little bit.
Come on, Tom.
Come on in, Tom.
Come right over
here and sit down.
Andy, what are you going to do?
I'm going to call Annabelle,
that's what I'm going to do.
Oh, no. Now,
Andy, wait a minute.
Well, Tom, I believe she's
ready for you to come home.
Well, what makes you think so?
How you know?
Well, I saw Annabelle
not more than an hour ago
and I don't think
that she's near
as sure of herself
as she was when you was alive.
Oh, no, Andy, I I can't.
I can't do it.
Well, why not?
Well, uh she buried
me. Don't you see?
She's considered a
proper, grieving widow
and I ain't going
to spoil it for her.
I ain't going to have
people laughing at her.
No, I ain't, and that's final.
I'm going.
Now, Tom.
You're being a stubborn
mule about this thing.
Are you going to try and tell
me about my own woman?
Things is different now.
I just got a feeling.
You've got a feeling,
but you're not sure.
There ain't but
one way to find out.
No, I I don't really
want to do this.
Uh, Sarah, uh, get
me Annabelle Silby
on the phone, would you?
Andy, look, please
Now, you better hush.
I'll arrest you for being
a disorderly corpse.
Uh, Annabelle
Andy Taylor over here.
Uh, are are are you
sitting down or standing up?
Well, maybe you better sit down.
Well, all right, suit yourself.
Uh, Annabelle, listen to this.
Tom's back.
Tom Silby is standing
right here beside of me.
( chuckling): Yeah.
Hello?
Hello?!
I believe she just sat down.
Tom, I reckon you
better go on home now.
W-what'll I say to her, Andy?
Well, what would any
husband say to his widow?
Thank her for the nice
funeral she gave you
for the kind words
on your headstone.
Why, you've got
a lot to talk about.
Look alive now.
That's all there ever was the
matter with Annabelle Silby
Just too much pride
and fearful of what
folks might think.
Good thing that
caretaker didn't see Tom
walk out of that cemetery.
I reckon he would have gone home
and busted every bottle
of whiskey he owned.
AUNT BEE: No, no. Opie,
you don't want that banana.
It's too near suppertime.
Okay, Aunt Bee.
ANDY: That reminds
me, young man
we was right in the
middle of a little talk.
Last I remember,
I was asking you
to dip down into your piggy bank
and pitch at least a dollar
into the children's fund.
But I can't, Paw.
I got to spend it on
I know, you got to spend it
on your girlfriend Charlotte.
Son, I can't seem to make you
understand how important it is
to share what
you've got with folks
that ain't as lucky as you are.
It just ain't nice
to be selfish.
You you you see
that apple right there?
Yes, Paw.
Now, that's the
only one in the bowl
ain't that right?
Now suppose me and
you both wanted that apple
and I grabbed it
and wouldn't
give you half of it.
Now, how would you feel?
I wouldn't mind.
You wouldn't?
There's a worm in it.
Opie, that's beside the point.
I'm trying to give you
an example of sharing.
Now, I'd take half
and I'd give you half.
Now, that's sharing.
And it's fair to
everybody concerned.
No, it ain't, Paw.
It ain't?
No. You didn't leave
nothing for the worm.
You don't have to
carry the thing that far.
You don't share
things with worms.
Why not?
Well, because,
they ain't like people.
They don't work or wear clothes
or go to school or anything.
All they do is
lay around all day
inside apples and eat.
That's all they do?
That's all.
Boy, and I was
feeling sorry for them.
I've got a feeling we're
kind of drifting here.
Son, I just can't seem
to get through to you
how important it is
that you give more than
three measly pennies
to an important charity.
But I can't, Paw.
That's what you've been saying
and that ain't good enough.
Now, are you going to
dip down and do better?
Paw, I can't.
Then just march right
on up to your room
right up there right
up to your room, go on
And don't bother coming
down for no supper neither
not at least until
you're ready to give
more than three cents.
You can just sit down up there
and study about that thing.
There's no excuse for
that kind of stinginess.
It's just downright
selfish is what it is.
Even young'uns ought
to know better than that
especially this young'un.
Son of the sheriff
and he gives the least amount.
That boy is going to make me
the laughingstock of Mayberry
Andy Taylor, will you just stop
and listen to yourself?
What?
You've been talking, but
you haven't been listening.
Annabelle.
Annabelle?
Annabelle Silby.
She was always afraid
of what folks might think
and here you are
carrying on the same way.
Well
Annabelle Silby
didn't have any
faith in her Tom.
And now it appears
you don't have faith
in your own little boy?
Oh, you know what
a good little fella he is.
Just because he doesn't
give enough to a collection
you're ready to forget all that?
Just 'cause you're afraid
of what folks might think?
You didn't learn much
from the Silbys, did you?
Well, I just thought that
I was I was tr
Didn't you hear me trying to?
You know something, Aunt Bee?
No, not yet I don't.
You're as right as rain.
I just hadn't thought
of it that way.
It's true.
I know my own little boy,
and he's a fine little fella.
And if he decides to
hold back once in a moon
why, ain't no harm done.
Good.
Now, call him down for supper.
Yeah, I guess I better.
Uh
Well, you'll have to
call louder than that.
Yeah.
Uh
Uh Opie, you
can come on down!
We'll just forget about
what we was talking about
and we'll have our supper!
You like me again, Paw?
Son, I never stopped liking you.
You know that.
And we're going to forget about
raising your donation at school
and about breaking
into your piggy bank
I'd like to, Paw,
but like I said
It's all right.
You're saving to buy
your little girlfriend
Charlotte a toy
That's all right
this time, I expect.
No, Paw.
Or if you want to
take her to the movies
and buy her two
dollars worth of popcorn
that's all right.
I'm going to buy her a coat.
After all, it's your savings.
And whatever you
You're going to buy her a what?
A coat.
The one she's got's
kind of wore out.
It is, huh?
Mm-hmm. When I asked her
how come she
didn't get a new one
she said 'cause her ma
didn't have enough money.
And you were saving
to buy her a coat
for next winter?
Mm-hmm. By then
I'll have enough.
Well, Opie, you never told me
that's what the money was for.
You never asked me.
No, I guess I didn't, did I?
What are we having for supper?
Well, you and Aunt Bee's
having fried chicken
and I'm having crow.
Tom, how's it feel being back?
Just fine, Andy.
It's going to be all right.
You know, this morning,
Annabelle and me,
we went and took a walk
over to the cemetery
where I'm buried.
You did?
Mm-hmm.
You sound like you're
beginning to believe
you really are
buried over there.
Well, that's the
whole idea, Andy.
You see, the
hen-pecked Tom Silby,
the one who drank too
much, he is buried over there.
Oh, I see what you mean.
Of course I never
did really believe
you was buried over there.
You mean you knew all along?
No, not exactly.
Just with all the alcohol
you had in your system,
it seemed mighty peculiar
that the grass over
you was growing so well.