The Incredible Hulk (1996) s01e08 Episode Script

1
Personal Journal Of
Dr. Robert Bruce Banner
Continued.
The New York Skyline
Is Within Reach,
And With Some
Long Overdue Luck,
Maybe, Just Hopefully,
A Cure As Well.
I'm Desperate To Meet
With Dr. Reed Richards,
And I Pray
His Much-Publicized
Experimental
Anti-Gamma Generator
Can Reverse
A Terrible Wrong.
However Unintended,
It Was My Fault.
I Had To Do Something.
My Cousin Jennifer
Was Dying.
But In Saving Her Life,
I Turned Her
Into A Mutant Freak
Like Me.
She-Hulk:
Ohh! Please!
Where's My Violin?
Poor, Poor Pitiful Us.
Six Years I Drag Myself
Kicking And Screaming
Into Health Clubs,
And Zilch.
Now, One Little
Green-Blooded Transfusion
From You,
And Vavoom!
Oh, Yeah!
Not Even Jane Fonda
Could Crack Concrete
Like This Girl.
Tell That Ferry Boat
To Hustle, Brucie,
'Cause New York Is Where
This Girl Wants To Be.
I Think I'll Start With
A Little Power Shopping.
Um, Hello?
We're Trying To Keep
A Low Profile.
We Have To Stay Focused
On Finding A Cure.
Oh, Cure, Schmure.
Oh, Boy.
Ain't It Clear?
Gamma Is A Girl's
Best Friend ♪
Ha Ha Ha!
Holy Mother Of Pearl!
Huh? What?
Aah!
Hulk ♪
Hulk ♪
Grr!
Incredible Hulk ♪
Hulk ♪
Hulk, Incredible Hulk ♪
[Gasps]
Aah!
Rrrr!
Hulk ♪
Incredible Hulk ♪
Hulk ♪
Rrrr!
Calmness, Cuz.
This Is A Job For She-Hulk.
Whoa!
Well
Hey, Babe.
Ya Got
A Phone Number?
I'm Way Out Of
Your Area Code, Babe.
Now Pardon Me
'Cause I'm Feeling
My Super Oats.
Grrrr!
Well, Time To Bob
For The Big Apple.
[Engine Sputters]
Oh, Man.
This Thing's Stalled
Worse Than My Love Life.
[Hiss]
Huh?
[Beeping]
Come On,
You Rusty Dirt-Kicker.
Get Me Out Of Creep City
Before I Get Blindsided Again.
The Homing Beacon
Has Been Attached,
My Beloved Leader.
Most Excellent,
DearOgress.
That Adolescent
Roadrunner Jones
Will Undoubtedly
Lead Us Right To Banner.
Oh, Rest Assured.
Control Your Moods,
My Homegrown Femme Fatale.
When The Time Is Right
And My Forces Are Ready,
We Will Strike
Fast And Hard.
So Says The Leader.
Hulk Lost.
Hate Big City.
Hey, She's Tall,
Green, And Gorgeous,
Huh, Hulkster?
Remind You Of Any Other
Liberated Lady You Know?
Jennifer?
On The Button, Cousin.
Now
Now, No More
Hide 'N' Seek, Ok?
We Got To
Pay A House Call
On The Fantastic Four.
Thing? Hulk Enemy.
According
To Bruce Banner,
We Want To See
The Rubber-Band Man
Anyway,
Ol' Doc Richards,
Or At Least
Get Into His Lab.
Puny Banner.
Hulk Enemy.
Come On, Chuckles.
We Got To Take
The Low Road.
You're Way Too High-Profile.
Reed Richards:
Well, See You In Tahiti,
Ben.
We'll Reserve
A Patch Of Blue Sky
And White Sand For You.
Yeah, Yeah. I'll Be
All Coconut Buttered
And Snorkeling
Alongside The Three Of You
Before You Know It, Stretcho.
And Remember, Old Friend,
You Promised To Call Alicia
And Straighten Things Out.
She's Still Your Girl.
Yeah? Well, Dumping Me's
A Funny Way Of Showing It.
[Whistles]
Yo, Taxi!
Figures.
You Try To Be Polite
In This Town
[Tires Screech]
Pardon My Fingers.
To The Zoo's
Grand Reopening.
Whoa! The Thing!
What Luck!
Thing! Hey, Thing!
Rick Jones. Remember Me?
Oh, Yeah. You're The Kid
That Was Always Hanging Around
Doc Banner, Yeah.
What's Up?
About Doc Banner,
I Was On My Way
To See You Guys,
Figuring
Maybe You Might--
Well, Bad Timing, Kid.
Before I Head Off
To Tahiti,
I Got To Dedicate
The Big Ape Exhibit
At The Zoo.
Wait! Have You Seen
Dr. Banner?
Kind Of Get
The Transformation Blues
After A While,
Huh, Cousin Brucie?
I Never Get Used To It.
I'm Grateful
That's One Side Effect
That Didn't
Carry Over To You
Though I'm Not Sure
Why You Don't.
Yeah. Tall, Lean,
And Evergreen.
That's Me.
Now Move Your Puny
Banner Butt.
Fantastic Four's
Service Says
Three Of Them
Are On Vacation.
But The Thing's
At The Zoo.
It's A Start.
All Right.
That Way, Then.
We Can Get To The Zoo
Without Being Seen.
New York's Loss.
Thing: Ain't
Nobody Here.
Don't Tell Me This Invite's
A Stinkin' Phony.
Thing? Mr. Grimm
I Need To Ask You
Something.
Have You Seen--
Uh, No, No.
I Ain't Seen Nothin'.
Now, Where's The Crowd?
Where's The Cameras?
Where's That Big Ape?
Huh?
Yancy Gang Members:
Hee Hee Hee!
Presenting
The Big Ape!
And It's
Feedin' Time!
Ha Ha Ha Ha!
That Stinkin'
Yancy Street Gang.
What A Revoltin'
Development.
Them Bozos Are Always
Busting My Chops
For A Laugh.
Ha Ha Ha Ha!
Hey, Swift Move,
Carrot Bottom!
Ha Ha Ha Ha!
You Paperweight Palookas
Have Punked Me
For The Last Time.
It's Clobberin'--
[Smash]
The Mighty Thing
Decked By Yancy Streeters?
No. By That, Uh
Female That.
The Name Is Ogress.
And Consider This A Lesson
In Affirmative Action.
Power Down, Big Bertha.
Leave Him--Whoa!
Aah!
Huh?
Gang Member:
Let's Bail!
This Joke's Gone Wacko!
That Thing's
Getting His Keister
Walloped!
Now, Hold It.
It's Just Lucky For You
I Don't Fight Ladies,
Not Even
Really Homely Ones.
Your Chivalry
Is Wasted On Me.
Uh, Thing
A Little Help!
Sorry, Toots,
But You're Coming On
A Little Too Strong.
She-Hulk: Let's Slow Down,
Squat, Green, And Ugly.
Rick!
Banner!
At Last!
Don't Forget To Have
Your Hand Stamped
On The Way Out.
Rick!
Hey, You Lousy,
No-Good
Huh?
Holy Jekyll And Hyde!
Doc Banner Is That Big Ol'
Moldy Green Avocado!
Rrraaahhh!
You Challenge Ogress?
And I'm Shaking
Like Green Jello.
Heh Heh Heh.
Now, That Was Dirty,
Lady.
Eee-Yah!
Hulk Smash!
It's Clobberin' Time!
Come On, Kid. I--
You Leave Friend Alone!
[Birds Chirping]
Hulk?
Friend Not Hurt?
Huh? Hulk Escapes!
Whoo, Ohh.
That Nasty Mama's Noggin
Is Ram Tough.
Yo.
Say, Now, Tall,
Orange, And Crusty.
What's This, Gamma
Mutant Day At The Zoo?
Let Me Guess, Big Boy.
You're The Thing.
Uh, Yeah, Well,
Ben. Mr. Grimm.
But, Hey, Listen,
I Already Got
A Girlfriend.
Well, Kind Of, Once.
Either Way, You Look
Hunky Enough To Share.
[Gulps]
Uh, Hamina,
Hamina
Hey, Shouldn't
We Try To Find
The Bulk--Uh, Hulk.
The Guy--
The Doc Banner,
Or Whoever
He's Dressed As
At The Moment.
[Whispering]
Tell You A Secret.
He'll Head
To Four Freedoms Plaza.
You Know What That Means?
You're Taking Me
Back To Your Place.
Alicia, I Know You
Gave Me The Heave-Ho.
My Heart's Still Yours,
I Promise.
Exactly What Part
Of Your Orders Did
You Not Comprehend?
I Was Provoked.
Silence.
Go To The Headquarters
Of The Fantastic Four.
That Must Be Their
Ultimate Destination,
And Keen Logic Dictates
That If
Bruce Banner Visits
Dr. Richards' Lab,
He Most Assuredly
Will Endeavor
To Cure Himself,
And Until
I Can Siphon Off
The Hulk's Only Asset,
His Limitless Power,
And Merge It With My Own
Unequaled Intellect,
Strategic Intervention
Is Required,
And If I Have
To Double-Simmer Some
Warriors Into Readiness,
Then So Be It,
Because From This
Simple Purloined Strand
Of The Hulk's Hair,
His Dna Has Given Life
To An Army--
Life That Will Bring Me
Victory And Power.
Go Forth, Bring Me The Hulk,
And Dare Not Fail Me.
So Says The Leader.
Where Could They Be?
With A Gamma Mutant
Like Ogress Behind Me--
Melon-Headed Leader's Bound
To Be Waiting Up Front.
Oh, Ben,
Thank Goodness
You're Here.
Thank Goodness
You're Here.
Oh, I Guess It's Back
To Business, Then.
I Must Get Into The Lab.
Dr. Richards'
Anti-Gamma Generator
Is My Best Hope To--
Uh-Oh.
Uh, I Gather You're
Aware Of My Condition.
Your Condition Knocked Me
Through A Wall, Doc.
I Mean, It Ain't Exactly
Something I'd Overlook.
How Long Is This
All Going To Take?
'Cause You Know,
I'm Basically
On My Way To Tahiti.
Uh, Sun, Fun, Umbrella
Drinks, Grass Skirts.
Well, Like I Said, It's
Taken Stretcho Two Years
To Spit And Glue This
Hunk Of Hardware Together,
And I Still Don't Think He's
Worked Out All The Chinks.
But The Margin Of Risk,
Although Significant,
Is Acceptable Enough
To Chance My Using It.
So Just By Scooching
Between These Contraptions,
You're Put Back To Basics.
Well, I Hope So,
And Not Just For Me.
But More Importantly
For My Cousin
Jennifer
It's My Fault She's
Become A Freak.
Yeah? That's Your Idea
Of A Freak, Huh?
Tell Me Something, Doc.
Uh, What Was She
Like Before?
Before?
I Don't Know.
A--A Regular Girl.
Well, Then, If You Don't
Mind Me Saying So,
You May Not Be
Doing Her A Favor Here.
I Mean, She's Kind Of
Loving Not Being Regular.
No. See, You Don't
Know What It's Like
Living As A Monster.
Doc, I'm Going To Let
That One Pass, I Think.
Ben, I'm Sorry.
Nah, Nah.
It's--It's Ok,
But To My Mind,
You're The Lucky One.
I Mean At Least
You Get To Spend
Some Time As A Human.
Me, I'm Always Stuck,
Like A Lumpy Pile
Of Orange Granite.
Tell Me Something, Doll.
You're Bruce's Best Pal.
Why's He So Driven
To Drag Me Back
To The Dull Life?
Probably For
The Same Reason
I Keep An Eye
On The Hulk.
If Bruce Hadn't Had
To Bail My Tail During
That Reactor Explosion,
He Wouldn't Be
In His Predicament.
Yeah, That's Bruce.
Always One To Try
And Fix Things,
Even When They
Didn't Need It.
You See, Alicia Was Going
To Go To Tahiti With Us,
And I Kept Moping Around,
Figuring That She Was Only
Sticking With An Ugly Bum
Like Me Out Of Pity,
So Finally My Sweetie Pie
Cut Me Loose.
Said My Heart Would Let Me
See The Truth Someday,
That She Loves
The Inside,
Not The Outside.
Hmm, Well, What
Have You Learned?
That My Insides
Are Aching Without Her.
You Think I Ought
To Give My Patooty A Call?
Well, I Think You Know
The Answer To That, Ben,
And Who Knows?
Maybe Tonight We'll
All Get Our Lives
Back To Where
They Should Be.
The Theory Is, Once I
Step Between The Grids,
The Anti-Gamma Laser
Should Neutralize
The Gamma Radiation
In My Cell Structure.
If It Works On Me,
You're Next, Jen, Right?
I'll Think About It.
Stay Between This Rock
And A Hard Place, Kid.
Not The Experiment. No.
Huh, Those Broccoli-Hided
Bushwhackers Copped The Doc.
She-Hulk: Leap Before
You Think, Guys.
Banzai!
No Heroics, Kid.
Just Hit These Books
And Stay Clear Of
The Crosshairs.
Can Do,
With A Helping Hand
From Lady Liberty.
People Stand In Line
To Do This?
Whew.
Nice Plan, Benjy Boy.
Hulk Out!
Cousin Hurt?
Ohh. [Coughs]
Nothing That
A Little Physical
Discussion Won't Cure.
Whoa.
Hulk.
The Thing Needs You
Up There, Man.
Thing? Rock Man
Hulk Enemy.
No, Hulk.
My Friend,
Like You Are.
Can't Freeze-Dry
Me, Lady.
I'm Way Too Fresh.
Aah!
You're About To See Why
I Ain't 1/4 Of The Fab Four
Just For
My Good Looks, Pal.
Let Me Guess.
The Old
"Thing Is Hulk's Enemy"
Song And Dance, Right?
Thing Best Friend
Hulk's Friend.
Hmm.
Well, I'll Be Aunt Petunia's
Orange-Peeled Nephew.
Aah!
Uh-Oh, Mr. Jones.
Freeze, Sister,
And I Mean That Literally.
Hey, Pretty Lady,
Way To Ice That
Hissy-Fitting Lizzy.
Sheer Unmitigated
Incompetence.
My Premature Prototype Warriors
Failed Me Miserably.
However, A True Leader
Learns From Failure,
So When I Strike Again,
My Forces Will Be Properly Aged
And Triple The Threat,
Thus Insuring The Hulk's
Power Will Be Mine.
So Says The Leader.
Cousin Go With Hulk?
I Just Can't, Hulkster.
Not Only Am I An Impressively
Statuesque Man Magnet,
I, On Occasion,
Draw A Teensy Bit
Too Much Attention.
And You, My Caring Kin,
You Don't Need
Any More Of That.
I'll Think About You
All The Time.
[Sirens]
Hulk, You Got
To Bolt, Buddy.
Kid's Ok.
Now You--You Just
Take Care Of Yourself.
Good-Bye.
Now, Big-City Boy,
As For You
Hey.
Only Someone True Blue
To Their Sweetheart
Could Possibly Resist
My Bewitching Ways,
So Give That Gal Of
Yours A Call, Capisce?
Yeah, You Know Something?
I'm Gonna Do Just That,
'Cause This Being Single
Sure Makes Me Sweat.
What?
"Thing Whupped
By A Woman"?
Arrgghh.
Them No-Good, Slandering
Yancy Streeters.
One Of These Days--