Extreme Ghostbusters (1997) s01e09 Episode Script
Killjoys
1
[Eduardo] Good for you, Jackie Chan.
But what happens
when those ghosts kick back?
[Garrett] Eddie, you know
there's not a spook in the universe
that I can't zap and trap.
[Kylie] And there's not a dozen donuts
in New York
that you can't devour in a quarter-hour.
-[Eduardo] She's got you there, man.
-[Garrett] Yeah, you're both funny.
And that big ugly ghoulie's gonna get us.
Look out!
[man] Hey, wait, wait! Stop! Wait! Ah
Ugh.
[humming]
[ominous music playing]
[humming continues]
[gasps]
[clown slavering & shoes squeaking]
[panting]
Who-- Who are you?
What do you want?
Oh, boy, you nearly
scared the life out of me, Mac.
You street performers that hard up
for a lousy buck?
I didn't mean it. Here, take it.
[chuckles] You're, uh, funny.
[chuckling] Yeah.
[yelps, then chuckles]
[growling]
No, no. Get away!
[clown laughing]
[man yells]
[laughter echoes, then fades]
[burps]
[theme music playing]
If there's something strange
In your neighborhood ♪
Who you gonna call? ♪
If there's something weird
And it don't look good ♪
Who you gonna call? ♪
That's right ♪
I ain't afraid of no ghost ♪
If you're seeing things
Running through your head ♪
Who you gonna call? ♪
Ghostbusters ♪
I ain't afraid of no ghost ♪
You know
Busting makes me feel good ♪
I ain't afraid of no ghost ♪
Whoo-oh! ♪
[upbeat music playing]
[Roland laughing]
"Dwain the bathtub. I'm dwowning."
Don't you get it?
What? You didn't think
that was hysterical?
Well, it didn't exactly wake the dead.
Speaking of which
[both yelp]
[Eduardo] Hey! Ugh.
Oh, man.
[Slimer] Ew!
Oh.
Why'd you do that, man?
Yeah, you interrupted his beauty sleep.
He needs all the help he can get.
So do we. Lately, I've been noticing
someone's not pulling his weight.
Hey, who made you Scoutmaster?
Master this, slacker jack.
We can't even hear the phone ring
above your snoring.
We just got a call.
See?
[somber music playing]
Something ecto this way came.
Can't believe we rushed out here
to check out someone's dry cleaning.
[yelps]
I was going to call the police,
but when he melted,
I thought maybe I'd better call you.
Wise choice, ma'am.
Is there anything you can tell us?
Anything you heard or saw?
Well, right before the melting part,
he was laughing.
Laughing?
I couldn't make out who did it.
It was dark.
But he had big shoes.
Uh, big shoes?
Huge.
So Bigfoot did this?
Hey, funny guy, we're working here.
Yeah? I'm gonna be real funny
when I trap something and you don't.
Oh, don't say it unless you mean it.
I mean it.
Let's go.
[suspenseful music playing]
[weapon powering up]
Whoa, hey, easy, hot dog.
Humans don't count.
Yeah, yeah.
[footstep from behind]
[whispering] Garrett, Eduardo.
I'm being followed.
[gasps]
[in normal voice] Who's there? I'm armed!
Guys, get over here quick.
[gasps]
[squeaking]
[weapon powering up]
[Kylie] Whoa!
[growling, screeching]
Let me go!
[squeaking]
-[clown murmuring gibberish]
-[laughter in distance]
-Kylie?
-I'm fine. This way.
-What are we chasing?
-Circus clown.
Okay.
It's mine.
[squeaking]
-[man laughing]
-[laughter on TV]
[growling, screeching]
[man screaming]
[laughter on TV continues]
I'm all over it.
We're too late.
What's the link here? Why this guy?
And why not me?
It had its chance. Why didn't it take me?
Maybe 'cause it doesn't, uh, like girls?
No, it heard something.
Laughter.
[laughter on TV]
-[squeaking]
-[Roland laughing]
Help!
Help!
[shrieking]
Trap's in position.
Hold on. I'm not ready.
[shrieking]
Come on, baby, come to Daddy.
Anytime now, guys.
-[Eduardo laughs] It's mine.
-[Garrett] No, mine.
Do it now.
Yes!
You cheated.
[humming triumphant tune]
Ecto Man got a clown in the can ♪
Ecto Man taught the clown
Who's the man ♪
Uh, it's a little early
to be celebrating, Ecto Man.
We don't know this clown's the only one.
Yeah, the whole circus could be in town.
Who cares?
Send in those clowns. I'll nuke them all.
[clowns laughing]
[siren blares]
[Kylie] Okay, one thing's clear.
We're dealing with a demonic force
that's attracted to laughter.
That's what the victims have in common.
The man in the alley,
that guy watching TV, Roland,
they were all laughing.
-But not you.
-I'm not a laugher.
But why is the demon dressed
like a clown?
Bait. If it can't find laughter,
it tries to invoke it.
I know. I got a free puppet show.
[ominous music playing]
[hisses]
I'll pick you up tomorrow.
Oh, man, I don't wanna go home now.
I'm all revved up to bag more clowns.
Well, the victim's clothing
is the only lead we have.
We're taking them back
to Egon for analysis.
Wimps.
[clown squeaks]
Hmm. What kind of junk mail is this?
[playing "Pop! Goes the Weasel"]
[yelps]
[screaming]
[growling, slavering]
[screaming]
[Eduardo screaming]
What the?
-Hey.
-What are you doing?
[screeches]
Where is it?
Here.
Okay, we know where it is. What is it?
Some kind of evil clown toy, man.
Aw, did the little
"safe for ages 3 to 5" toy
scare our brave Ghostbuster?
You don't see it moving, do you?
Uh, Eduardo, that looks like a nasty cut.
Eh, it's just a scratch. No big deal.
[giggles]
[ominous music playing]
[laughter from inside]
[all growl]
[laughter continues]
[clowns laughing]
[Egon over radio] We just got a call
from 23rd and Sheldon.
The circus is in town.
[clowns screeching]
Okay, let's rock.
[hooting]
[boinging]
-[hoots]
-[honks]
[squeaking]
Get ready to laugh, honey.
[man laughing]
[clown laughing]
[choking]
[all laughing]
7The victims.
You're mine, Krusty
[eerie music playing]
[giggles]
Anything?
No, I-- I lost him.
What happened?
King Clown Killer
back to not pulling his weight?
You know,
if you can't say something nice
Mm, you're a riot, you
[mutters indistinctly]
Cut the comedy.
We got three more clowns on the loose.
So since when
did you believe in vampires?
It's an analogy.
These clowns are laughter vampires.
They feed off laughter instead of blood.
[device beeping]
[Roland] Got something.
[weapon powering up]
[sighs] They were here.
They're not anymore.
Hey, guys, look what I can do.
[laughs]
[eerie circus music playing]
[laughs]
[singsong] Uh, something's wrong
with Eduardo.
Eddie, we're working here.
They're drawn to laughter.
Where else do we find laughter?
Uh, Garrett, what size shoe
does Eduardo wear?
I don't know. Size nines?
Well, he's leaving size 40 prints.
[device beeping]
[ominous music playing]
He was pretty handy
with that seltzer bottle.
Let me see your arm, Eduardo.
Something's wrong with me, isn't there?
Oh, well. [laughing]
[grim music playing]
[Eduardo] Come on, let me out.
I just wanna have a few laughs.
The white cells
in Eduardo's blood are mutating.
He is transforming.
Into one of them?
Why didn't they just slurp him up
like the others?
Perhaps the vampire analogy holds true.
A vampire is known
to either feed on a victim
or turn the victim into one of their own,
if they so choose.
But why Eduardo?
That's easy. Revenge.
Eduardo trapped one.
Now he's a replacement.
Okay, swell. So how do we get him
back to his normal slacker self?
Perhaps by trapping the other clowns.
But where do we find them?
There's gotta be 400 comedy clubs
in this city.
[Egon] The glove contains traces
of beach sand,
mustard, flecks of popcorn
-Sounds like Coney Island to me.
-Gear up. We're there.
I'll work on these blood factors.
They could provide the basis
for an antidote to Eduardo's mutation.
[Slimer humming upbeat tune]
Duardo?
[Eduardo] Let me out.
I'll give you some cotton candy.
Mm [speaks gibberish]
Slimer, no!
[laughing]
[Slimer screams]
[laughing in raspy voice]
[eerie music playing]
[gulps] Could be the place.
A real entertainer's delight.
You sure you're gonna be okay, bro?
Your sense of humor
almost did you in once.
Don't worry. After what I've seen tonight,
I don't think I'll ever laugh again.
Yeah, right, not even for
"Dwain the bathtub, I'm dwowning"?
[Roland's laughter echoing]
-[both gasp]
-[screeching]
[yelling]
Don't! You'll hit Roland!
[burps]
[laughing]
[both] Eduardo?
[dramatic music playing]
[laughing]
[rasping]
Eddie, come back here!
Eddie, come on!
Hey! Whoa!
Hey!
[grunting]
[laughing]
Hey, Emmett Kelly.
How's that for a punchline?
[screeching]
You've gotta be kidding me.
One down, two to go.
[eerie, suspenseful music playing]
[clown squeaking nearby]
[squeaking stops]
-[Kylie screams]
-[yells]
[both squeaking]
And the lady wins the prize.
[both yell]
[water splashes]
I gotta get an airbag for this thing.
It didn't work.
Maybe there's more.
Maybe just one more.
[honking]
[Garrett] There's no turning back
for Eduardo?
We have no choice.
We've got to bring Roland back.
Sorry, Eddie. This is gonna hurt me
more than it's gonna hurt you.
[gasps, then yells]
[growling]
Looks like the ringleader.
Could still be hope for Eduardo.
Oh, God, hard to believe
this is actually good news.
If it's like the others, it can't hurt us.
Right, because we ain't laughing.
[strains] Yet.
This thing's trying to tickle me.
[straining]
[splutters] Me too.
Think bad thoughts.
[chuckles]
Kylie, no!
[man laughing]
[laughter continues]
Uh-oh.
[laughter continues]
[both] Egon!
[laughter distorts, then fades]
[yells]
[Egon] Now.
[moaning, then snarling]
[screaming]
[grunts]
Eduardo?
Wha? What happened?
Where's Roland?
Hey. Over here.
Will someone please get me my clothes?
[laughing]
This is not funny.
Hey, how come Eduardo the Clown
didn't slurp you back at the firehouse?
He's not a laugher.
[Garrett] Roland can't be
the only nudist in this place.
Let's find the others.
Right. Clowns.
Let's cut the chatter.
We got clown-busting to do.
I think you've been pulling
enough weight lately, hot dog.
Why don't you take a load off
those size nines tonight?
[theme music playing]
[Eduardo] Good for you, Jackie Chan.
But what happens
when those ghosts kick back?
[Garrett] Eddie, you know
there's not a spook in the universe
that I can't zap and trap.
[Kylie] And there's not a dozen donuts
in New York
that you can't devour in a quarter-hour.
-[Eduardo] She's got you there, man.
-[Garrett] Yeah, you're both funny.
And that big ugly ghoulie's gonna get us.
Look out!
[man] Hey, wait, wait! Stop! Wait! Ah
Ugh.
[humming]
[ominous music playing]
[humming continues]
[gasps]
[clown slavering & shoes squeaking]
[panting]
Who-- Who are you?
What do you want?
Oh, boy, you nearly
scared the life out of me, Mac.
You street performers that hard up
for a lousy buck?
I didn't mean it. Here, take it.
[chuckles] You're, uh, funny.
[chuckling] Yeah.
[yelps, then chuckles]
[growling]
No, no. Get away!
[clown laughing]
[man yells]
[laughter echoes, then fades]
[burps]
[theme music playing]
If there's something strange
In your neighborhood ♪
Who you gonna call? ♪
If there's something weird
And it don't look good ♪
Who you gonna call? ♪
That's right ♪
I ain't afraid of no ghost ♪
If you're seeing things
Running through your head ♪
Who you gonna call? ♪
Ghostbusters ♪
I ain't afraid of no ghost ♪
You know
Busting makes me feel good ♪
I ain't afraid of no ghost ♪
Whoo-oh! ♪
[upbeat music playing]
[Roland laughing]
"Dwain the bathtub. I'm dwowning."
Don't you get it?
What? You didn't think
that was hysterical?
Well, it didn't exactly wake the dead.
Speaking of which
[both yelp]
[Eduardo] Hey! Ugh.
Oh, man.
[Slimer] Ew!
Oh.
Why'd you do that, man?
Yeah, you interrupted his beauty sleep.
He needs all the help he can get.
So do we. Lately, I've been noticing
someone's not pulling his weight.
Hey, who made you Scoutmaster?
Master this, slacker jack.
We can't even hear the phone ring
above your snoring.
We just got a call.
See?
[somber music playing]
Something ecto this way came.
Can't believe we rushed out here
to check out someone's dry cleaning.
[yelps]
I was going to call the police,
but when he melted,
I thought maybe I'd better call you.
Wise choice, ma'am.
Is there anything you can tell us?
Anything you heard or saw?
Well, right before the melting part,
he was laughing.
Laughing?
I couldn't make out who did it.
It was dark.
But he had big shoes.
Uh, big shoes?
Huge.
So Bigfoot did this?
Hey, funny guy, we're working here.
Yeah? I'm gonna be real funny
when I trap something and you don't.
Oh, don't say it unless you mean it.
I mean it.
Let's go.
[suspenseful music playing]
[weapon powering up]
Whoa, hey, easy, hot dog.
Humans don't count.
Yeah, yeah.
[footstep from behind]
[whispering] Garrett, Eduardo.
I'm being followed.
[gasps]
[in normal voice] Who's there? I'm armed!
Guys, get over here quick.
[gasps]
[squeaking]
[weapon powering up]
[Kylie] Whoa!
[growling, screeching]
Let me go!
[squeaking]
-[clown murmuring gibberish]
-[laughter in distance]
-Kylie?
-I'm fine. This way.
-What are we chasing?
-Circus clown.
Okay.
It's mine.
[squeaking]
-[man laughing]
-[laughter on TV]
[growling, screeching]
[man screaming]
[laughter on TV continues]
I'm all over it.
We're too late.
What's the link here? Why this guy?
And why not me?
It had its chance. Why didn't it take me?
Maybe 'cause it doesn't, uh, like girls?
No, it heard something.
Laughter.
[laughter on TV]
-[squeaking]
-[Roland laughing]
Help!
Help!
[shrieking]
Trap's in position.
Hold on. I'm not ready.
[shrieking]
Come on, baby, come to Daddy.
Anytime now, guys.
-[Eduardo laughs] It's mine.
-[Garrett] No, mine.
Do it now.
Yes!
You cheated.
[humming triumphant tune]
Ecto Man got a clown in the can ♪
Ecto Man taught the clown
Who's the man ♪
Uh, it's a little early
to be celebrating, Ecto Man.
We don't know this clown's the only one.
Yeah, the whole circus could be in town.
Who cares?
Send in those clowns. I'll nuke them all.
[clowns laughing]
[siren blares]
[Kylie] Okay, one thing's clear.
We're dealing with a demonic force
that's attracted to laughter.
That's what the victims have in common.
The man in the alley,
that guy watching TV, Roland,
they were all laughing.
-But not you.
-I'm not a laugher.
But why is the demon dressed
like a clown?
Bait. If it can't find laughter,
it tries to invoke it.
I know. I got a free puppet show.
[ominous music playing]
[hisses]
I'll pick you up tomorrow.
Oh, man, I don't wanna go home now.
I'm all revved up to bag more clowns.
Well, the victim's clothing
is the only lead we have.
We're taking them back
to Egon for analysis.
Wimps.
[clown squeaks]
Hmm. What kind of junk mail is this?
[playing "Pop! Goes the Weasel"]
[yelps]
[screaming]
[growling, slavering]
[screaming]
[Eduardo screaming]
What the?
-Hey.
-What are you doing?
[screeches]
Where is it?
Here.
Okay, we know where it is. What is it?
Some kind of evil clown toy, man.
Aw, did the little
"safe for ages 3 to 5" toy
scare our brave Ghostbuster?
You don't see it moving, do you?
Uh, Eduardo, that looks like a nasty cut.
Eh, it's just a scratch. No big deal.
[giggles]
[ominous music playing]
[laughter from inside]
[all growl]
[laughter continues]
[clowns laughing]
[Egon over radio] We just got a call
from 23rd and Sheldon.
The circus is in town.
[clowns screeching]
Okay, let's rock.
[hooting]
[boinging]
-[hoots]
-[honks]
[squeaking]
Get ready to laugh, honey.
[man laughing]
[clown laughing]
[choking]
[all laughing]
7The victims.
You're mine, Krusty
[eerie music playing]
[giggles]
Anything?
No, I-- I lost him.
What happened?
King Clown Killer
back to not pulling his weight?
You know,
if you can't say something nice
Mm, you're a riot, you
[mutters indistinctly]
Cut the comedy.
We got three more clowns on the loose.
So since when
did you believe in vampires?
It's an analogy.
These clowns are laughter vampires.
They feed off laughter instead of blood.
[device beeping]
[Roland] Got something.
[weapon powering up]
[sighs] They were here.
They're not anymore.
Hey, guys, look what I can do.
[laughs]
[eerie circus music playing]
[laughs]
[singsong] Uh, something's wrong
with Eduardo.
Eddie, we're working here.
They're drawn to laughter.
Where else do we find laughter?
Uh, Garrett, what size shoe
does Eduardo wear?
I don't know. Size nines?
Well, he's leaving size 40 prints.
[device beeping]
[ominous music playing]
He was pretty handy
with that seltzer bottle.
Let me see your arm, Eduardo.
Something's wrong with me, isn't there?
Oh, well. [laughing]
[grim music playing]
[Eduardo] Come on, let me out.
I just wanna have a few laughs.
The white cells
in Eduardo's blood are mutating.
He is transforming.
Into one of them?
Why didn't they just slurp him up
like the others?
Perhaps the vampire analogy holds true.
A vampire is known
to either feed on a victim
or turn the victim into one of their own,
if they so choose.
But why Eduardo?
That's easy. Revenge.
Eduardo trapped one.
Now he's a replacement.
Okay, swell. So how do we get him
back to his normal slacker self?
Perhaps by trapping the other clowns.
But where do we find them?
There's gotta be 400 comedy clubs
in this city.
[Egon] The glove contains traces
of beach sand,
mustard, flecks of popcorn
-Sounds like Coney Island to me.
-Gear up. We're there.
I'll work on these blood factors.
They could provide the basis
for an antidote to Eduardo's mutation.
[Slimer humming upbeat tune]
Duardo?
[Eduardo] Let me out.
I'll give you some cotton candy.
Mm [speaks gibberish]
Slimer, no!
[laughing]
[Slimer screams]
[laughing in raspy voice]
[eerie music playing]
[gulps] Could be the place.
A real entertainer's delight.
You sure you're gonna be okay, bro?
Your sense of humor
almost did you in once.
Don't worry. After what I've seen tonight,
I don't think I'll ever laugh again.
Yeah, right, not even for
"Dwain the bathtub, I'm dwowning"?
[Roland's laughter echoing]
-[both gasp]
-[screeching]
[yelling]
Don't! You'll hit Roland!
[burps]
[laughing]
[both] Eduardo?
[dramatic music playing]
[laughing]
[rasping]
Eddie, come back here!
Eddie, come on!
Hey! Whoa!
Hey!
[grunting]
[laughing]
Hey, Emmett Kelly.
How's that for a punchline?
[screeching]
You've gotta be kidding me.
One down, two to go.
[eerie, suspenseful music playing]
[clown squeaking nearby]
[squeaking stops]
-[Kylie screams]
-[yells]
[both squeaking]
And the lady wins the prize.
[both yell]
[water splashes]
I gotta get an airbag for this thing.
It didn't work.
Maybe there's more.
Maybe just one more.
[honking]
[Garrett] There's no turning back
for Eduardo?
We have no choice.
We've got to bring Roland back.
Sorry, Eddie. This is gonna hurt me
more than it's gonna hurt you.
[gasps, then yells]
[growling]
Looks like the ringleader.
Could still be hope for Eduardo.
Oh, God, hard to believe
this is actually good news.
If it's like the others, it can't hurt us.
Right, because we ain't laughing.
[strains] Yet.
This thing's trying to tickle me.
[straining]
[splutters] Me too.
Think bad thoughts.
[chuckles]
Kylie, no!
[man laughing]
[laughter continues]
Uh-oh.
[laughter continues]
[both] Egon!
[laughter distorts, then fades]
[yells]
[Egon] Now.
[moaning, then snarling]
[screaming]
[grunts]
Eduardo?
Wha? What happened?
Where's Roland?
Hey. Over here.
Will someone please get me my clothes?
[laughing]
This is not funny.
Hey, how come Eduardo the Clown
didn't slurp you back at the firehouse?
He's not a laugher.
[Garrett] Roland can't be
the only nudist in this place.
Let's find the others.
Right. Clowns.
Let's cut the chatter.
We got clown-busting to do.
I think you've been pulling
enough weight lately, hot dog.
Why don't you take a load off
those size nines tonight?
[theme music playing]