Gilligan's Island (1964) s01e09 Episode Script

1
Just sit right back,
and you'll hear a tale ♪
a tale of a fateful trip ♪
that started from this tropic port ♪
aboard this tiny ship ♪
the mate was a mighty sailin' man ♪
the skipper brave and sure ♪
5 passengers set sail that day ♪
for a 3-hour tour ♪
a 3-hour tour ♪
[thunder]
The weather started getting rough ♪
the tiny ship was tossed ♪
if not for the courage
of the fearless crew ♪
the minnow would be lost ♪
the minnow would be lost ♪
the ship's set ground
on the shore of this ♪
uncharted desert isle ♪
with gilligan ♪
the skipper, too ♪
the millionaire ♪
and his wife ♪
the movie star ♪
and the rest ♪
are here on gilligan's isle ♪
Fore!
We're playing through here.
Ah where'd it go, gilligan?
There it is, Mr. Howell. I knew I'd find it!
Oh! Ho-ho. Well, good work, gilligan.
I never thought I'd see that one again.
Now, where am I?
Well, there's your
avocado pit, Mr. Howell.
I don't know where we are.
What do you mean?
I found your ball, but
I lost the golf course.
Lost the golf course!
And you call yourself a caddie.
No, I don't. You do.
Well, I'll never make that mistake again.
Now just stand back.
There you are.
Where'd it go, gilligan?!
Right there.
Oh, there. Yes, yes.
Of course. I shanked it.
Watch it, gilligan. Call time.
Which way did it go?
Don't worry. I'll find it.
Yes. I think I sliced it over there.
I wonder where it is. Huh.
I wonder if it could be down
Therrrrre!
Gilligan! Gilligan,
my boy, where are you?
Hey, Mr. Howell, I found your ball.
Ho-ho, yes, yes! There you are.
Wait'll you get back home
and tell 'em about this.
You made a cave-in-one.
Yes. I also sank the
caddie with the same shot.
Sank the cad
gilligan, what's that yellow stuff?
What yellow stuff?
That yellow stuff all over the wall.
Oh oh
You mean this yellow
stuff that looks like gold?
Yes, yes. What is it?
Uh I think it is gold.
Gold? Gold?!
Aaaaah!
Gold, gilligan!
I'm richer.
I'm hurt a little But I'm richer!
Oh. We lost the bait again.
Oh. How many little fishes
do we have left?
Just one.
How many did we have
when we started?
You mean we've lost 23 already?!
Mm-hmm.
If we hadn't gone fishing,
we could have had fish for dinner.
Hey! I think we got a big one.
Hey!
It feels like a whale.
Ho ho! It's tremendous.
Play him, girls! Play him!
Don't let him go now. Here, I'll take it.
Wow, you have got a big one.
Oh, be careful.
Don't worry, ladies, I'll land him.
He's putting up a good fight,
but I think I've got his number now.
Pull!
Aah!
Pull!
Watch his teeth. Be careful, skipper.
Now stand back, stand back.
Whatever it is might be playing possum.
Oh, he's picking it up!
Hallelujah, ladies!
We're saved! We're saved!
We've got a rubber life raft!
[Squeals]
Skipper, oh!
What a fish story this'll make
catching our own life raft.
Off your boat?
Yeah. It's the first time
anybody ever caught a
minnow with a minnow.
How do we know it's gold?
Don't you have to make
a test to be sure?
I already have. It's the
best test in the world.
You're shaking like a leaf.
My doctors call it my gold syndrome.
Syndrome? Yes. It's an allergy.
Oh. Allergy?
Yes, an allergy.
See, anytime I get near
anything over 24 karats
I break out.
Boy, I can't wait to tell
the professor about this
and the skipper and
the girls. We'll all be rich.
Oh? Don't you remember?
We all made an agreement to
share everything on the island.
Yes, I do recall making that agreement,
but of course, then we didn't
expect to find a gold mine.
Understand? Don't you know
what gold does to people, gilligan?
Uh-huh makes 'em rich!
Makes 'em greedy.
Greedy?
Greedy!
What can we do, Mr. Howell?
Well, we're gonna keep
this gold mine our secret.
Scout's honor, I won't
breathe a word to anybody.
We'll just leave this filthy gold where it is.
Yes no, no!
We can't take that chance, you see?
One of the others might fall
in the hole, like you,
and heh heh that'll be that.
Gosh, you're always thinking
of the other fellow.
Well, I'm a multi-millionaire.
My life is ruined already.
We have to protect our poor friends.
How, Mr. Howell?
I'm gonna hire you to mine the gold.
I won't pay you enough
to cause you any trouble.
Then I'll hide it so no one
will ever be able to find it.
Promise you won't tell me
where you put it?
Scout's honor.
It's 3.
Fore! All clear.
Now don't forget, gilligan.
I'll see you first thing
in the morning at the, uh,
you know what.
You know what? You know what!
Oh, the gold arrgh!
Gilligan, there you
are hello, Mr. Howell.
Where have you been?!
Oh, Mr. Howell and I,
we were over there having
never mind, gilligan. Guess what I found.
You could guess all day long,
and you still wouldn't be able to guess.
Give us a hint.
Well, it's an answer to all our problems,
all our prayers.
Oh, what I found's gonna
make your mouths water.
You've found a gold mine!
[Crack]
Ow!
No, gilligan.
We caught our own life raft
from the minnow.
We're gonna be able
to get off this island!
Oh! Then we're saved!
Oh, boy! This is our lucky day.
Mr. Howell and I, know
what we fou [Crack]
Ow!
I'm sorry, gilligan.
When do we leave, skipper, tomorrow?
I'm ready to leave right now.
Oh, not so fast, gilligan.
We got a lot of work to do on the raft.
She's full of holes.
Oh, I'm glad to hear that! Glad?
Oh! I mean that you're gonna fix it.
Oh, don't you worry
about that, Mr. Howell.
She'll be safe and sound
when we all get on board.
I'm sure of it, captain.
I've sailed with you before,
and I know what you can do with a boat.
Thanks, Mr. Howell.
You handled our shipwreck
magnificently.
Well anyway, gilligan,
I want you up and on the beach
first thing in the morning ready to work.
Oh, but I promised Mr. Howell
I'd go down and dig him
[crack] Ooh!
Missed me.
Lovey, have I got news. News?
Yes. I've discovered a
gold mine on this island.
Oh, that's wonderful.
There's only one complication.
I don't think we'll be
able to mine the gold.
Oh, that's dreadful.
The skipper found a raft,
and it looks like we'll be rescued.
Oh, that's wonderful.
So we won't have time to mine the gold.
Oh, that's dreadful.
Gilligan has to work all day
on the boat for the skipper.
L-L-Lovey!
Oh, I'm sorry, thurston.
Where were we, dreadful or wonderful?
If that boy has to work
day and night, it's dreadful.
Quite right, thurston.
You know what would be wonderful?
It would be wonderful if you
would go down into that mine
and help that boy dig.
Oh, dear. We're back at dreadful again.
Oh, good morning, captain.
How's the work coming?
The work is coming
along fine, Mr. Howell.
Oh.
Something I can do for you?
Yes. I would like a
few words with gilligan.
Well, make it very few, would you?
He's got a lot of work to do.
Yes, yes, I understand. Thank you.
Gilligan. Gilligan, my boy.
Oh, hi, Mr. Howell.
Gilligan, are you alright?
Sure.
But you look sort of strained.
I haven't done this kind
of work in a long time,
and I'm a little out of shape.
I'll say you are.
Sorry about today,
but I couldn't say no to the skipper.
You will be able to
make it tonight, won't you?
Oh, sure thing.
As soon as the skipper
goes to sleep, I'll leave.
Yes, you'll be able to do a
lot of fine digging before dawn.
Okay. I'll see you tonight.
Gilligan, I'm worried about you.
Oh, don't worry, Mr. Howell.
I'm kind of in tight quarters here,
but I move around a lot. I'm okay, see?
Fantastic! Remind me when
we get back to the states,
I want to talk to you
about the ed Sullivan show.
Heh heh heh.
His head and
What was that all about?
Oh. Mr. Howell is gonna put me on
television on the ed Sullivan show.
Doing what? I don't know.
Maybe Mr. Sullivan's boat needs fixing.
Hey, gilligan, we did a
pretty good day's work, eh?
Makes you feel real good, doesn't it?
Sure does.
I wanna tell you, that mother nature,
there's a pretty great old gal.
She lets you work all day long,
and then all of a sudden,
she rings a bell and says,
"you've had enough. It's time to sleep."
Yup. Mother nature's a great old Gal.
[Yawns and snores]
Hey, gilligan, gilligan.
[Moans] Hey.
There we are exactly
32 ounces of gold.
Mr. Howell, are you sure
that scale is right?
Oh, certainly. Mrs.
Howell's engagement ring
weighs exactly one pound.
I'm using it as a counterweight.
You want me to dig anymore?
Certainly. It's only 4 A.M.
Is that all? There's probably
a lot more gold in here.
You can thank mother nature for that.
You thank her, huh, Mr. Howell?
You and the skipper know
her a lot better than I do.
Folks, if I might have your attention.
I just want you to know
we're getting that raft
ready as soon as possible.
Not so fast, captain.
I think you ought to make sure
it's safe first, don't you?
Quite right, thurston. You
all know the old saying
"a stitch in time" Uh, "stitch in time"
Well, you all know the old saying.
There's no point in repeating it.
How long do you think it'll take, skipper?
Don't ask me. Ask gilligan.
Oh, leave the poor boy alone.
He's trying to drink some water.
No, he isn't. He's asleep.
Wake up, gilligan!
It's your turn to get up first.
I got up first yesterday. It's your turn.
Asleep again.
Yes. I guess I better get him back to bed.
Never mind. We'll put him nighty-night.
Come on, lovey.
Lovey, dear, you take the other arm.
I will, just as soon as I can get
this cup of guava jelly off his elbow.
Nighty-night.
We've got to give him his Teddy bear.
Hah! Come on, sandyman
is coming. Nighty-night.
What do you suppose is
the matter with gilligan?
I've never seen him so tired.
What do you suppose is
the matter with Mr. Howell?
I've never seen him so considerate.
You know, they don't seem
very anxious to get the raft fixed.
Gilligan shh, shh! Dig, dig.
Come, gilligan, my boy.
That's it. Up and at 'em.
Off we go to the mine to dig.
Shh no, no, son. You'll be alright.
Down that way to the mine.
There you go.
Now, let me see. If he
mines 16 ingots tonight
he's a willing boy. He's got a strong back.
No labor problem there.
Salary Well, we'll just cut him in.
The smelting costs are
absolutely negligible,
but the shipping ho well
enterprises should gross 6 billion.
Put that into lovey's name
in a dummy corporation
Oh, well, oh, well
Counting my money made me sleepy.
Oh-duh-duhh
oh-oh-ohhhh!
Hi, skipper. Glad you dropped in.
Gilligan oh! Ohh!
What is that?
A one-pound diamond ring.
So that's what you've been up to.
You've got a diamond mine.
No. That belongs to Mrs. Howell.
Well, what are you doing down here?
Well, I
And what's all this
stuff all over the walls?
Gold.
Gold?!
Gold?! Gold?! Gold?!
And that's the story, folks.
I was up till 5:30 this
morning with Mr. Howell,
and he wouldn't give an inch.
So we might just as well
finish working on the raft.
Gilligan's dug a lot of
gold out of that mine.
Doesn't he get any?
No, professor. He was working on
a straight hourly apprentice rate.
I don't think that's
fair. Do you, Mary Ann?
I certainly do not. Couldn't
we go to Mrs. Howell?
That wouldn't do any
good either, Mary Ann.
She's working by the hour, too.
I hate to say this, skipper,
but last night when I was
looking down the mine
at all that gold,
something happened to me.
Well, ginger, if you can admit it, so can I.
I've got gold fever.
Professor?
Why not? Schoolteachers are human.
It's amazing. We've all been bitten
by the same bug at the same time.
Gee. I hope it isn't catching.
I'd hate to see poor
gilligan come down with it.
It's a cinch he'll catch it sooner or later.
Don't say that, skipper.
Don't say what? What
have I got? What have I got?
Calm down, gilligan.
Skipper, you gotta tell me
the truth. What have I got?
I know there's no doctor
or hospital on this island.
I wanna know the truth.
What have I got?
All I said is that you will probably
get what we've already got.
Oh, no! Oh, no, no!
What's everybody got?
Gold fever, gilligan.
That's what Mr. Howell
said would happen.
Oh, never mind all that now.
I sent you over to
Mr. Howell with a final plea
in hopes that he might
share his gold with us.
Right, skipper. Like I told him,
all for one and one for all.
And what was his answer?
He sent me back with this letter.
Well, read the letter aloud.
Everybody is concerned with it, gilligan.
You want me to read the whole letter?
The whole letter. What is his answer?
Ahem
"No."
He certainly writes a nice letter.
I guess it's hopeless.
Turned me down. Now
he's turned gilligan down.
We've tried every approach.
Not every approach, skipper.
[Whistling]
Hello, Mr. Howell.
Yes, yes, miss Grant.
I was just wondering
everyone's been wondering,
and the answer is no.
No?
That's right. A 14-karat no.
But, Mr. Howell, I just
wanted to tell you something.
Mr. Howell, I don't think the others
have been very fair to
you about your gold mine.
You don't?
No. I don't like the way
they've been acting at all.
Heavens to fort Knox, neither do I.
Mr. Howell, I think they've
been making you feel guilty
about digging your gold mine.
I've been digging so fast, I
haven't had a chance to feel guilty.
I been I I
Mr. Howell. Yes?
I think they're very greedy,
depriving you of the right to be generous
and to be the wonderful
man I know you are.
What?
Mr. Howell, I know you.
I know that deep down in your soul,
you're a wonderful, generous man,
and you wanted to share
your gold with all of us.
Yes, I did
But thank goodness I
fought off that nasty impulse.
The answer is still No!
No?
No doubt about it.
The only way we're gonna
get any gold for ourselves
is to stake out a claim and start digging.
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
Water, please.
[Gasp] Did you have to spill
everything all over the table?
Do you have to yell at the table?
[Coughs]
Do you have to sing at the table?
I wasn't singing. I was coughing.
Well, do you have to cough at the table?
No gold for you either, huh?
Not a nugget.
Hi
[All griping at once]
Anyone wanna work on the raft tonight?
Absolutely! Good idea, skipper!
I'm sorry we're late, folks,
but we just struck a rich vein,
and lovey was afraid it
might bleed all over the floor.
Mrs. Howell: Thurston
can't stand a messy mine.
He always says a mine that's
lumpy makes you grumpy.
An ode to the mother lode!
Well, don't let your bad luck
ruin our good dinner, right, lovey?
Right, darling. You've no idea
how filling 50 bags with
gold gives you an appetite.
Come on, let's go down
and take a look at the raft, huh?
Yes. I'm not very hungry anyway.
Say, uh, captain How's
it coming? Any progress?
Not since I've been
in the mining business.
I'm gonna turn in my pick and shovel
and start working on
that raft in the morning.
As long as you're turning
in your mining tools,
perhaps Mrs. Howell
and I could use them.
When I say "use," of course
I mean on a rental basis.
Say, if I rent 'em to
you, maybe I can do
that'd work out just fine. Ha ha ha!
Anybody home?
Who's calling?
Gilligan's rent-a-pick calling.
Yes, yes, gentlemen. Come in.
Door-to-cave service.
Boy, have we got some bargains for you.
I just love bargains.
Gentlemen, this is an
unexpected pleasure, I must say.
All part of our service, Mr. Howell.
Oh, lovey, come see what
daddy has bought for you.
We have 6 pieces here.
If you buy all 6, we'll give
you a very special price.
We hate to break up a set.
Good morning, gilligan.
How are you, skipper?
Oh, thurston ho well III,
are all these beautiful things for me?
Nothing finer for the dainty miner.
Oh, darling, you're so extravagant.
Yes, my dear. I'll see you
later at the papaya club.
I can't wait to use them.
Thank you, darling.
Now, gentlemen, what is
the name of your company?
Oh, no checks, please, Mr. Howell.
No checks?!
No banks.
Money will do just fine.
I haven't used money
in the past 25 years.
Might I suggest one of these bags?
One of those bags is worth $200!
Well, might I suggest 2 of these bags?
But
so the elephant said, "let go of my trunk."
Oh, ginger, my compliments to the chef.
That was a superb
seafood salad. Thank you.
I hope the lobster wasn't too rich for you.
If he was, he didn't get
a chance to mention it.
Thurston, you know, I think it's rude
to talk about money at the
table in front of a strange lobster.
Will that be all, sir?
Yes, that'll be all. Here you are, sir.
What is this? That's the dinner check.
$740?!
Seafood salad $175?!
Lobster 200?!
Grapefruit muffins 125,
side order of guava jelly 50, uh
So that's your little game, huh?
First the skipper, then gilligan.
You're gonna charge us
for our meals, huh? Well!
That's a fine kettle of fish.
Thanks for reminding me, Mrs. Howell.
For what?
One kettle of fish $300.
And that is positively my last offer.
Well, if $600 is all you can spend,
take only 3 candles. What?
You can't beat that price
anyplace on the island.
Please, thurston. You can't
see a thing down in that mine.
Alright, I'll take 6 candles.
Give the man $1,200.
$50 more, and I could
gift-wrap these for you.
No. $1,200 for 6 of
them, that's my last offer.
Well, you're the man with the gold mine.
Oh, by the way, as long as you're here,
would you like to look at some wicks?
You mean there aren't
any wicks in these candles?
Not for this kind of money.
That raft is in perfect shape.
We can float for days until
we're spotted by a ship or a plane.
I hope that provisions have been
made for my bag of gold aboard your raft.
Nothing doing. The professor knows
exactly how much weight that raft will support.
Right. With our combined weight
and the weight of the provisions,
we can't take a chance.
Gold is very heavy.
Well, my bag isn't heavy.
Mine's as light as a feath
can't I take a teensy-weensy
little bag of gold?
How teensy-weensy a bag?
This teensy-weensy?
No!
[Thud] Ohh!
There will be no gold aboard the raft,
and that goes for you, too, gilligan.
I don't have any gold.
You had $3,000 worth last night.
I know. I never should've
ordered that coconut cream pie.
Alright, everybody, get on board.
I wanna take these golf sticks back
to show to the boys at the club.
Million laughs.
Mr. Howell. Mrs. Howell.
Oh, captain, that's alright.
I made this handbag while I was here.
I want to take it home to show everyone.
Why, certainly. Watch your step now.
Watch it there, dear.
This is my homemade guava jelly.
Can't have too much of this around.
Ha ha! That's right, Mary
Ann. Watch your step.
I've got a complete diary of
every day we've spent here.
Should make a great movie, huh?
I should say so.
These botanical specimens
should be of special
interest back at the school.
Don't fall over that, professor.
Alright, gilligan Cast off.
I sure hope this floats. You
know how deep the lagoon is.
I know how deep the lagoon is.
Now cast off.
Everybody get an oar!
Here we go, folks
Headed for the shipping lanes
and rescue!
Yeah, au revoir! Good-bye, island!
Bye!
Yeah, good-bye.
Stroke! Stroke!
Row, Mrs. Howell!
Gilligan, hold your course
we're sinking.
Preposterous!
We couldn't have 2 disasters
under the same captain.
Skipper, what will we do?
Aah! It's alright.
What'll we do?
Abandon abandon ship!
Women and luggage first!
Oh! My hat! Oh!
We're drowning! Oh! I can't swim!
Women and luggage first!
Women and luggage first!
Aah! Lovey!
Skipper, are you or aren't you
gonna go down with the ship?
I hope not, but if I go, you'll go with me!
Thurston: Gilligan! Get my golf clubs!
There! Get my golf clubs!
Lovey! Where are you, my darling?
Hang on!
We sank anyway, even without the gold.
I'm afraid this is all my fault, folks.
I didn't think one bag
of gold would sink us.
2 bags.
3 bags.
4 bags.
5 bags.
6 bags?
Huh, that's a switch.
Usually, I'm the one left holding the bag.
Well, I guess we've all
learned a bitter lesson.
You're so right, professor.
We've lost all our gold,
and we've ruined our life raft,
all because we were so greedy.
I'll never be greedy again.
Neither will I.
Neither will I. Thurston?
You people are always
taking the fun out of life.
Ooh! Mm Mm
Look what I found in this oyster.
Ginger: It's a Pearl!
Why, it's a perfect Pearl!
Uh, where'd you find that oyster?
Over in the cove.
There's hundreds of them.
Hundreds of them!
Or maybe thousands of them!
Or maybe only 1, 2, 3, 4 All for me.
They're here for a long, long time ♪
they'll have to make the best of things ♪
it's an uphill climb ♪
the first mate and his skipper, too ♪
will do their very best ♪
to make the others comfortable ♪
in their tropic island nest ♪
no phone, no lights, no motorcar ♪
not a single luxury ♪
like Robinson crusoe ♪
it's primitive as can be ♪
so join us here each week, my friends ♪
you're sure to get a smile ♪
for 7 stranded castaways ♪
here on gilligan's isle ♪