Jackie Chan Adventures (2000) s01e09 Episode Script
The Rock
1
You're not gonna get
away with this, chan.
Hey, hey, hey!
Where you goin'?
"Hey" is for horses.
Speaking of which,
I'm the winner
by a nose.
Chan!
Aah!
Hunh!
After him!
Chan jacked my gear!
Snowboard!
Da da da da da
huh! Unh!
Aah, uhh!
"Quiet! Avalanche zone"?
Unh!
All: Shhhh!
Da da da,
fum fum fum fa
guys, wait up!
Quiet.
What?!
Be quiet!!
[Rumbling]
Ooh.
Ooh, mama.
All: Whaaaa! Whoa!
Hmm?
[Grunting and groaning]
Living large
Extra large.
[Coughing, sneezing]
Ah-choo!
Ah-choo!
Ah-ah-choo!
Cover your mouth.
[Shivers]
Big "v,"
you th-think you could
turn up the h-heat?
Shendu: Allow me.
That's plenty.
Much obliged.
Careful, shendu.
If you charbroil
the help,
they'll never find
the next talisman.
The next talisman is
insufficient, valmont.
I need all 12 to shed
this petrified form
and regain
my true powers.
We are working on it,
shendu.
With your customary
ineptitude.
Once again, this chan
has snatched a talisman
from your so-called
professionals.
[Coughs]
Too bad chan
ain't workin'
for us.
Hmm.
Perhaps he can be
persuaded.
Level one
security card?
Check.
[Buzzes]
I punched in
your birthday,
captain black.
Invalid code.
Nice try, though.
It's not polite to hack
into security systems
that don't belong
to you.
I saw a 7!
Whoa, slow down,
little lady.
The entire floor
is a sensor field.
Shall we put horsey
in the stable?
You mean the talisman?
You didn't bring it?
Uh, no.
Uncle's still trying
to research what magic
It has.
Heh heh. Uh, uncle
and his crazy hobbies.
[Beeping]
[Buzzes]
"Namsilat?"
Talisman spelled
backward, duh.
You get an "a"
for effort,
smarty pants.
But not only
is section 13
top secret
It's impenetrable.
Shendu: This potion
should accommodate
your needs
perfectly, valmont.
Then by this time
tomorrow,
chan will have no choice
but to work
for the dark hand.
Now for the bait.
I have translated
the inscription
on the back
of the talisman.
A very perplexing
riddle.
"If activated,
the noble horse
expels all
alien forces within."
Hmm.
I bet those alien forces
inside the talisman
fly out and latch
onto human brains
and turn people into
mind-control zombies
to conquer the world.
Eh, the alien forces
signal the mother ship
to launch an invasion?
This isn't
the martian talisman?
There is no such thing
as martians!
The talismans
are magic.
[Cell phone rings]
Hello?
Jackie, the mainframe
located another bogey.
Pack your toothbrush.
You're going to
mount rushmore,
south Dakota.
I'm on my way.
Let's rock.
Uh, uncle needs you.
You, uh,
you were this close
to solving the riddle
of the talisman.
Let's crack that code.
Unh!
Uhh!
The talisman couldn't be
in the gift shop?
Ahh.
What big eyes you have.
Don't blink, Mr. president.
Huh?
The snake talisman?
We already got that one.
Ye-aah!
Ohh.
Oh-ohh.
Valmont.
Upsy-Daisy.
Ooh, snake bite.
Could be fatal.
You bring me
all the way out here
to poison me?
A rather appropriate lure,
since the venom
now rushing
through your veins
will soon
turn you to stone.
Just because I believe
in magic talismans
doesn't mean
I am gullible.
Visual aid.
In 12 hours, Mr. chan,
you shall be among
the statuesque.
The venom takes 12 hours
to fully infect humans.
Fortunately for you,
an antidote does exist.
I can provide you
with that antidote,
Mr. chan.
What's the catch?
An exchange of goods:
The cure to your affliction
for the talismans
in section 13.
Should you decide
you're interested
in my offer,
you may rendezvous
with my men
at coit tower in exactly
11 hours, 52 minutes.
And don't forget
the talismans.
Ugh!
Where is the antidote?
You think I'd be
foolish enough
to bring it with me?
Uhh-aah!
Uh-uh-uh.
Need those talismans.
Ulp.
Ach! Urgh.
Ech.
Ah, so it begins.
Time is a-wasting,
Mr. chan,
and it's a 2-hour flight
back to San Francisco.
You're turning
to stone?
I have until 6 A.M.
Valmont's men
will be waiting
with the antidote
at coit tower.
Wh-what are we
gonna do?
The riddle of
the horse talisman
can wait.
I will make
an antidote.
But, uncle,
we don't know
the formula.
Bah! Mine will be
just as good.
Swallow.
[Coughs, gags]
That's the antidote?
No. Fermented beetle larva
is good protein.
[Dripping]
Drink.
[Gulp, gulp]
Oof.
Gee-heh. Ach!
Gee-yee-aah.
Jackie: What?
What is it?
Nothing.
Don't--don't look
in the mirror.
What? Aaaaaah!
I told you not to look
in the mirror!
Oh! I am a lizard!
I will become
a stone lizard!
Uncle: See? Reptiles
shed their skin.
No problem.
Uh, did
the antidote work?
Eh, huh, ach!
Jade: Guess not.
Maybe captain black
could get
the section 13
doctors to help.
Pfft, modern medicine
has no power
over ancient spells.
I will make
another antidote.
-Jade: Jackie?
-Aah!
Jackie, you have to give
the talismans to valmont.
I can't.
According to the legend,
the power in each
talisman is nothing
compared to the power
of all 12 combined.
But if you're
all turned to stone,
who's gonna stop
the dark hand
from getting
the talismans anyway?
That's captain black's
department.
I'm just research,
remember?
Jackie, please!
I don't want a Boulder
for an uncle.
Captain black,
I need a ride back
to section 13 for Jade.
It's past her bedtime.
Ok. If that's the way
you want it.
It was 3 digits
ending in 7.
3 digits, 7?
Captain black,
I got your number.
The only way to save Jackie
is Jackie-style.
I have
a new antidote.
This may sting.
Unh!
Hmm.
[Cell phone rings]
Yes?
She what?
Caught it all on tape.
Jade's made her point.
She can be an agent
when she grows up.
Now tell her
to return the goods.
Yes, I will tell her.
[Coughing, sneezing]
Valmont had to pick
the draftiest place
in town.
[Sniffle]
Should've
called in sick.
Could I bum
a tissue?
All right,
you sickos.
Let's get down
to business.
Ain't it past
your bedtime?
[Chuckles]
Where's chan?
Never mind him.
I've got everything
you want
Right here.
Well?
How do I know
that antidote's
the real deal?
That'll work.
Ah-ah-choo!
The talismans.
Jade, don't!
Aah-ohh.
I have to, Jackie.
You're running out
of time.
Thank you.
[Gasps] No!
Oh-aah? Unh.
[Laughing
and coughing]
One is missing.
No way!
I cleaned out
the vault.
[Gasps]
I forgot the horse one
at uncle's.
Um, if you give me
the antidote,
I really for sure promise
to get you the other one.
Scout's honor?
Tsk, like
she's a scout.
Noooo!
Why?
Ah-choo!
Because chan
makes me sick!
Jackie.
Don't worry, Jade.
Uncle will come through.
We don't need
your stinking antidote!
Unh! Uhh! Unh!
[Panting]
Unh, oh, uhh.
[Clunk]
Ow!
Ooh.
Aah!
Grrr.
Oh, aah.
Oh, that doesn't hurt
at all.
Unh! Hey,
give me that!
Unh! No fair!
Hey, stop it!
Jackie!
Uncle!
You found
the antidote?
No. I brought
the horse talisman
to trade
for their antidote.
Both: Ohh.
One more thing:
I also brought
the antidotes
that did not work.
Maybe if I mix
them together.
Aieeeyaaa!
Ah-ah-ah-ah-choo!
Gesundheit.
Whoa-ho-ho-ho!
Uhh-uhh-uhh-uhh-uhh!
Uhh-uhh-urr-uhh-uhh-uhh!
[Crash]
Tohru: Ow.
That ought to keep him,
unless this is the
sprout-wings-and-fly
talisman.
Both: Get her!
Jade!
The dark hand will--
ooga-ugh!
Never have--gulp!
All 12
Jackie!
A dollar says
his hand'll snap
right off.
Deal.
Deal.
You stay away
from him!
Oops. Uhh, unh!
Heh, heh.
Uncle:
2 more things
[Growls]
Both: Hey!
Aah!
Aah!
Oof!
Oof!
Aah!
Oh, Jackie.
He was very brave.
I miss him,
uncle.
He left a fine
memorial for us:
Looks just like him.
[Sniffles]
We could put him
in the garden.
Or outside the shop
to ward away evil.
[Thumping]
[Takes deep breath]
Ahh.
My cold is gone,
like magic.
"The noble horse expels
all alien forces within."
The riddle!
It doesn't mean aliens
within the talisman.
It means aliens
within the sick person
holding the talisman.
The horse is
the healing talisman.
Think it only works
on colds?
The talisman.
How'd tohru
activate it? How?
Ah-choo!
Hey.
Hey!
Hyah!
Aroo-uhh-uhh,
uhh-ugh-uhh.
Uhh-uhh-urr-uhh-uhh-uhh.
[Crash]
Tohru: Ow!
Jackie!
Ohh.
I told you
I would bring
the antidote.
You must never
question uncle!
Thank you both.
Now, we have some
talismans to return.
I've got some
explaining to do, huh?
We will just tell
captain black
we were between a rock
and a hard place.
Heh heh.
Boy: Hey, Jackie,
do you have
a favorite color?
My favorite color:
White, blue--light blue.
Green is good.
As normal as possible.
When I look at the sky--
all blue, all white:
So beautiful.
Sometimes for the movie
I'm wearing a red,
pink, uh, purple--
I don't like that.
Mostly I like white.
White means calm,
gentleman, nice person
and handsome.
You're not gonna get
away with this, chan.
Hey, hey, hey!
Where you goin'?
"Hey" is for horses.
Speaking of which,
I'm the winner
by a nose.
Chan!
Aah!
Hunh!
After him!
Chan jacked my gear!
Snowboard!
Da da da da da
huh! Unh!
Aah, uhh!
"Quiet! Avalanche zone"?
Unh!
All: Shhhh!
Da da da,
fum fum fum fa
guys, wait up!
Quiet.
What?!
Be quiet!!
[Rumbling]
Ooh.
Ooh, mama.
All: Whaaaa! Whoa!
Hmm?
[Grunting and groaning]
Living large
Extra large.
[Coughing, sneezing]
Ah-choo!
Ah-choo!
Ah-ah-choo!
Cover your mouth.
[Shivers]
Big "v,"
you th-think you could
turn up the h-heat?
Shendu: Allow me.
That's plenty.
Much obliged.
Careful, shendu.
If you charbroil
the help,
they'll never find
the next talisman.
The next talisman is
insufficient, valmont.
I need all 12 to shed
this petrified form
and regain
my true powers.
We are working on it,
shendu.
With your customary
ineptitude.
Once again, this chan
has snatched a talisman
from your so-called
professionals.
[Coughs]
Too bad chan
ain't workin'
for us.
Hmm.
Perhaps he can be
persuaded.
Level one
security card?
Check.
[Buzzes]
I punched in
your birthday,
captain black.
Invalid code.
Nice try, though.
It's not polite to hack
into security systems
that don't belong
to you.
I saw a 7!
Whoa, slow down,
little lady.
The entire floor
is a sensor field.
Shall we put horsey
in the stable?
You mean the talisman?
You didn't bring it?
Uh, no.
Uncle's still trying
to research what magic
It has.
Heh heh. Uh, uncle
and his crazy hobbies.
[Beeping]
[Buzzes]
"Namsilat?"
Talisman spelled
backward, duh.
You get an "a"
for effort,
smarty pants.
But not only
is section 13
top secret
It's impenetrable.
Shendu: This potion
should accommodate
your needs
perfectly, valmont.
Then by this time
tomorrow,
chan will have no choice
but to work
for the dark hand.
Now for the bait.
I have translated
the inscription
on the back
of the talisman.
A very perplexing
riddle.
"If activated,
the noble horse
expels all
alien forces within."
Hmm.
I bet those alien forces
inside the talisman
fly out and latch
onto human brains
and turn people into
mind-control zombies
to conquer the world.
Eh, the alien forces
signal the mother ship
to launch an invasion?
This isn't
the martian talisman?
There is no such thing
as martians!
The talismans
are magic.
[Cell phone rings]
Hello?
Jackie, the mainframe
located another bogey.
Pack your toothbrush.
You're going to
mount rushmore,
south Dakota.
I'm on my way.
Let's rock.
Uh, uncle needs you.
You, uh,
you were this close
to solving the riddle
of the talisman.
Let's crack that code.
Unh!
Uhh!
The talisman couldn't be
in the gift shop?
Ahh.
What big eyes you have.
Don't blink, Mr. president.
Huh?
The snake talisman?
We already got that one.
Ye-aah!
Ohh.
Oh-ohh.
Valmont.
Upsy-Daisy.
Ooh, snake bite.
Could be fatal.
You bring me
all the way out here
to poison me?
A rather appropriate lure,
since the venom
now rushing
through your veins
will soon
turn you to stone.
Just because I believe
in magic talismans
doesn't mean
I am gullible.
Visual aid.
In 12 hours, Mr. chan,
you shall be among
the statuesque.
The venom takes 12 hours
to fully infect humans.
Fortunately for you,
an antidote does exist.
I can provide you
with that antidote,
Mr. chan.
What's the catch?
An exchange of goods:
The cure to your affliction
for the talismans
in section 13.
Should you decide
you're interested
in my offer,
you may rendezvous
with my men
at coit tower in exactly
11 hours, 52 minutes.
And don't forget
the talismans.
Ugh!
Where is the antidote?
You think I'd be
foolish enough
to bring it with me?
Uhh-aah!
Uh-uh-uh.
Need those talismans.
Ulp.
Ach! Urgh.
Ech.
Ah, so it begins.
Time is a-wasting,
Mr. chan,
and it's a 2-hour flight
back to San Francisco.
You're turning
to stone?
I have until 6 A.M.
Valmont's men
will be waiting
with the antidote
at coit tower.
Wh-what are we
gonna do?
The riddle of
the horse talisman
can wait.
I will make
an antidote.
But, uncle,
we don't know
the formula.
Bah! Mine will be
just as good.
Swallow.
[Coughs, gags]
That's the antidote?
No. Fermented beetle larva
is good protein.
[Dripping]
Drink.
[Gulp, gulp]
Oof.
Gee-heh. Ach!
Gee-yee-aah.
Jackie: What?
What is it?
Nothing.
Don't--don't look
in the mirror.
What? Aaaaaah!
I told you not to look
in the mirror!
Oh! I am a lizard!
I will become
a stone lizard!
Uncle: See? Reptiles
shed their skin.
No problem.
Uh, did
the antidote work?
Eh, huh, ach!
Jade: Guess not.
Maybe captain black
could get
the section 13
doctors to help.
Pfft, modern medicine
has no power
over ancient spells.
I will make
another antidote.
-Jade: Jackie?
-Aah!
Jackie, you have to give
the talismans to valmont.
I can't.
According to the legend,
the power in each
talisman is nothing
compared to the power
of all 12 combined.
But if you're
all turned to stone,
who's gonna stop
the dark hand
from getting
the talismans anyway?
That's captain black's
department.
I'm just research,
remember?
Jackie, please!
I don't want a Boulder
for an uncle.
Captain black,
I need a ride back
to section 13 for Jade.
It's past her bedtime.
Ok. If that's the way
you want it.
It was 3 digits
ending in 7.
3 digits, 7?
Captain black,
I got your number.
The only way to save Jackie
is Jackie-style.
I have
a new antidote.
This may sting.
Unh!
Hmm.
[Cell phone rings]
Yes?
She what?
Caught it all on tape.
Jade's made her point.
She can be an agent
when she grows up.
Now tell her
to return the goods.
Yes, I will tell her.
[Coughing, sneezing]
Valmont had to pick
the draftiest place
in town.
[Sniffle]
Should've
called in sick.
Could I bum
a tissue?
All right,
you sickos.
Let's get down
to business.
Ain't it past
your bedtime?
[Chuckles]
Where's chan?
Never mind him.
I've got everything
you want
Right here.
Well?
How do I know
that antidote's
the real deal?
That'll work.
Ah-ah-choo!
The talismans.
Jade, don't!
Aah-ohh.
I have to, Jackie.
You're running out
of time.
Thank you.
[Gasps] No!
Oh-aah? Unh.
[Laughing
and coughing]
One is missing.
No way!
I cleaned out
the vault.
[Gasps]
I forgot the horse one
at uncle's.
Um, if you give me
the antidote,
I really for sure promise
to get you the other one.
Scout's honor?
Tsk, like
she's a scout.
Noooo!
Why?
Ah-choo!
Because chan
makes me sick!
Jackie.
Don't worry, Jade.
Uncle will come through.
We don't need
your stinking antidote!
Unh! Uhh! Unh!
[Panting]
Unh, oh, uhh.
[Clunk]
Ow!
Ooh.
Aah!
Grrr.
Oh, aah.
Oh, that doesn't hurt
at all.
Unh! Hey,
give me that!
Unh! No fair!
Hey, stop it!
Jackie!
Uncle!
You found
the antidote?
No. I brought
the horse talisman
to trade
for their antidote.
Both: Ohh.
One more thing:
I also brought
the antidotes
that did not work.
Maybe if I mix
them together.
Aieeeyaaa!
Ah-ah-ah-ah-choo!
Gesundheit.
Whoa-ho-ho-ho!
Uhh-uhh-uhh-uhh-uhh!
Uhh-uhh-urr-uhh-uhh-uhh!
[Crash]
Tohru: Ow.
That ought to keep him,
unless this is the
sprout-wings-and-fly
talisman.
Both: Get her!
Jade!
The dark hand will--
ooga-ugh!
Never have--gulp!
All 12
Jackie!
A dollar says
his hand'll snap
right off.
Deal.
Deal.
You stay away
from him!
Oops. Uhh, unh!
Heh, heh.
Uncle:
2 more things
[Growls]
Both: Hey!
Aah!
Aah!
Oof!
Oof!
Aah!
Oh, Jackie.
He was very brave.
I miss him,
uncle.
He left a fine
memorial for us:
Looks just like him.
[Sniffles]
We could put him
in the garden.
Or outside the shop
to ward away evil.
[Thumping]
[Takes deep breath]
Ahh.
My cold is gone,
like magic.
"The noble horse expels
all alien forces within."
The riddle!
It doesn't mean aliens
within the talisman.
It means aliens
within the sick person
holding the talisman.
The horse is
the healing talisman.
Think it only works
on colds?
The talisman.
How'd tohru
activate it? How?
Ah-choo!
Hey.
Hey!
Hyah!
Aroo-uhh-uhh,
uhh-ugh-uhh.
Uhh-uhh-urr-uhh-uhh-uhh.
[Crash]
Tohru: Ow!
Jackie!
Ohh.
I told you
I would bring
the antidote.
You must never
question uncle!
Thank you both.
Now, we have some
talismans to return.
I've got some
explaining to do, huh?
We will just tell
captain black
we were between a rock
and a hard place.
Heh heh.
Boy: Hey, Jackie,
do you have
a favorite color?
My favorite color:
White, blue--light blue.
Green is good.
As normal as possible.
When I look at the sky--
all blue, all white:
So beautiful.
Sometimes for the movie
I'm wearing a red,
pink, uh, purple--
I don't like that.
Mostly I like white.
White means calm,
gentleman, nice person
and handsome.