Leave It to Beaver (1957) s01e09 Episode Script
The Clubhouse
1
("Leave it to Beaver" theme music)
[Announcer] "Leave it to Beaver."
Starring Barbara Billingsley, Hugh Beaumont, Tony Dow,
and Jerry Mathers as The Beaver.
[Narrator] When you were young,
you had all kinds of friends.
Some were helpful.
Some were your playmates.
And there were some very special friends
that your parents never even knew about.
And that's our story tonight on "Leave it to Beaver."
(mellow music) (rain splattering)
Ward.
You know, someday the paper's gonna say fair and warmer,
and it'll be fair and warmer.
Ward, there's water in the basement.
Well, I noticed that earlier this morning.
Well, didn't we just pay $280
so this would never happen again?
Yeah, well, I talked to Mahoney about it.
He said it wasn't anything to worry about.
Just condensation.
Well, there's an inch and a half
of condensation on the floor.
Now, you'd better call Mahoney and get him over here.
June, I hate to call anyone out in weather like this.
Why don't you send a cab for him?
All right, okay, I'll call him later, huh?
What are the boys doing?
Out sailing boats in the gutter?
When we have a basement?
I said I'd call him.
Oh, the boys are upstairs in their room.
Yeah, I guess kids don't sail boats in gutters anymore.
One of the lost arts of childhood.
(audience laughing)
(mellow music)
Wally, you wanna get my soldiers out and have a battle?
Nah.
(bell rings)
Wanna pretend like we're shipwrecked on a desert island
and have to watch out for cannibals?
Eh, I don't feel like watching out for cannibals.
Wish it would quit raining so
we could find something to do.
You wanna trade marbles?
Nah, only a goof would trade marbles this time of year.
Yeah, I guess so.
Hey, Wally, look who's cutting across the lawn!
It's Tooey and Eddie!
Boy, are they wet.
[Wally] Look at that crazy Tooey, he's wearing rubbers!
At least now there's something to do.
(knocking)
Well, come in.
Hi, Mrs. Cleaver.
My mother told us to come over here and play.
Well, wasn't that thoughtful of her.
The boys are upstair, hey!
Hi, men.
Yeah, hi, men.
[Eddie] Gee, Mrs. Cleaver, your hair looks nice.
Thank you, Eddie.
Where are your rubbers?
I got out without 'em.
Oh.
Hey, Wally!
I thought we could trade marbles.
Hey, Tooey, that's a great idea!
Come on, let's go upstairs.
[Beaver] But Wally, you said only a goof.
[June] Oh!
Why do they always have to come to our house?
Because we're so charming and understanding
and we don't have enough character to send them away.
(gentle music)
Hey, Tooey, you crook, this really's got a crack in it.
That's no crack, it's a vein.
That means it's real marble.
What are you talking about?
They don't make marbles outta marble.
What do they make 'em out of?
Glass.
Do they make steelies outta glass, too?
[Eddie] Oh, why don't you dry up?
[Tooey] What are you trying to do?
[Wally] Hey, you guys, quit it!
(boys clamoring)
Boys, boys!
Can't you be quiet up here?
The Beaver started it, Mrs. Cleaver.
Yes, I can see that.
Now come on, up, up!
Now look, you're just gonna have to be quiet.
Your father's trying to do some work.
We'll be quiet, Mom.
Well, just see that you are!
I wish there was someplace we could mess around in peace.
We could play in my house.
But my mom always has a headache.
Too bad we don't have a clubhouse.
We could play in my garage.
But my father won't let me near his power tools.
(audience laughing)
We could build a clubhouse in the vacant lot
across the street.
Hey, I got a great idea!
What's that, Eddie?
We could build ourselves a clubhouse.
[Tooey] Hey, that's a good idea!
(audience laughing)
That's a very good idea.
I thought I told you to dry up.
We can have a secret club with a password and everything.
We could just have it for us guys in the eighth grade.
We could have initiation fees and dues and everything.
You know, a buck to get in and 10 cents a week.
We can have an initiation.
We get to hit a lot of big guys that way
and they can't hit you back.
Some guys would.
Eddie, could I join your club?
What are you talking about?
This is just for the eighth grade.
Yeah, you'd be hanging around messing things up anyway.
Well, couldn't we let him in?
He's gonna be in the eighth grade someday.
Yeah, I'll tell you what, Beaver.
We're charging us eighth grade guys a dollar to get in.
But seeing as you're in the second grade,
we're gonna give you a special rate.
We'll let you in the club if you come up with $3.
Gee, thanks, Eddie.
It's a lot of money, but I think I can get it.
Boys.
Yes, Mrs. Cleaver?
Boys, I'm gonna have some sandwiches
for you in a little while.
Oh, thanks, Mom.
Don't put any mayonnaise on mine, Mrs. Cleaver.
My mom says I'm allergic to it.
Well, I'll try to remember that, Eddie.
Gee, Mrs. Cleaver, your hair really does look
You said that, Eddie.
Look, boys, I think you're going to be able
to play outside after lunch.
The rain seems to be letting up.
Mom, where's Dad?
I wanna ask him something.
Boy, we can get started on the clubhouse
right after lunch.
Uh, say, maybe we oughta let the Beaver in for a buck.
He's actually not so bad.
Look, it was my idea to have a clubhouse,
so I'm gonna say who gets in and who doesn't.
Why do you want $3?
[Beaver] So I can join the club that Wally and Eddie
and Tooey are building.
Oh, now look, Beaver, they're big fellas.
They're in the eighth grade, you're just a little guy.
You couldn't join their club.
I could if I had $3.
(audience laughing)
Beaver, yesterday you wanted $2 for a model airplane.
Tomorrow it'll be something else.
You see, you haven't learned to stick to one thing yet.
I collected gum wrappers for a whole week once.
Yes, I know, but that's not quite the same thing, Beaver.
For example, did you know that psychologists say
children your age simply can't concentrate on any one thing
for longer than, uh, oh, about 40 minutes at most.
Does this mean I don't get the $3?
(audience laughing)
It means why don't you go and play,
and the first thing you know, you'll forget
all about the clubhouse, the $3, and everything.
[Beaver] Okay, Dad.
(cheery music)
Oh, looks pretty good, boys.
[Eddie] Yeah, Mr. Cleaver.
It's an interesting roof line you have there.
Yeah, well, we're gonna saw it off later, Dad.
Oh.
Eddie, give me the big hammer.
(audience laughing)
Uh, Tooey, if you choke up on the hammer like that,
you can't get much leverage.
If I stand back any further, Mr. Cleaver,
I can't see the nail.
(audience laughing)
Oh, doing a great job, boys!
Really on the ball with this clubhouse.
[Eddie] Thanks, Mr. Cleaver.
Wally, I wouldn't leave these tools
lying on the wet grass like that, they'll get all rusted.
Oh, it's okay, Dad, they belong to Tooey's father.
Oh.
Keep up the good work.
Hey, your dad's all right, Wally.
He didn't stick around.
If my dad knew we were building a clubhouse,
he'd wanna measure everything
and cut 'em off with his power tools.
Took him two days once to make a breadboard.
(audience laughing)
[Beaver] Mom?
I thought you were helping with the clubhouse.
I ain't a member.
Beaver, you're not a member.
That's right, I ain't not a member.
(audience laughing)
Mom?
Mom, how do people make money?
Well, mostly they earn it.
Who's got the most money in the whole town?
Well, I really don't know.
What about Mr. Thompson?
He owns that big house by the park.
[June] Yes, Mr. Thompson has a great deal of money.
Where'd he get it?
Well, I think his father left it to him when he died.
Oh.
How about Mr. Cartwright?
He has that big fence around his grass.
Yes, Mr. Cartwright is rather wealthy.
Where'd he get his money?
Did somebody leave it to him, too?
No, Mr. Cartwright made his as an advertising executive.
Now honey, why don't you run along and play?
What's advertising?
Well, it's when people pay you to tell other people
what you have to sell, like a billboard
or ads in the newspaper.
He gets paid for that?
Uh-huh.
Run along.
Okay.
Where's the Beaver going?
I don't know.
He came in and asked me who the richest man in town was,
and then he left.
Oh, maybe he plans to marry his daughter.
[June] Hmm?
Oh, just dreaming.
(audience laughing)
This'll make a good window.
We'll cut a hole for it later.
Yeah, wipers and everything.
Hey, Wally, where's your kid brother?
How come he's not hanging around bothering us?
I don't know.
I haven't seen him since this morning.
I kinda wish he'd come around.
Then we could have the fun of chasing him off.
(audience laughing)
You probably scared him off with that stuff about the $3.
(gentle music)
Excuse me, Mister.
Huh, what, oh, hi, sonny.
Are you in the advertising business?
Well, I might say I am.
Do you make a lot of money?
Never needed much, so I never made much.
I make enough to get along.
Could a fella make $3 carrying that sign?
Yeah, I guess you could.
Course ambition was never one of them
bad habits I ever picked up.
I walk a little, and I set a little.
Come the end of the day, I start adding it up,
(giggles) more setting than there is walking.
(audience laughing)
But a fella could make $3, couldn't he?
Yes.
But he'd have to have that ambition habit real bad.
(audience laughing)
(cheery music)
(audience laughing)
(playful music)
(audience laughing)
(cheery music)
No golf this afternoon?
No, I thought for one Saturday
I'd spend the day here with you.
Oh, the greens haven't dried out yet.
No, not quite.
- Honey.
- Yeah?
Don't you think you might've given the Beaver
the money to join Wally's club?
Well sure, I could have.
But it would've just been another one of things
he'd have forgotten about in half an hour.
Remember when he had to have that football helmet?
I paid $6 for it, he wore it every place he went
for two days, including to bed.
Then he gave it to the milkman
in case he had a head-on collision.
(audience laughing)
Oh, I don't know, Ward.
The Beaver seemed pretty determined this morning.
June, at their age their minds bounce from one thing
to another like a pinball machine.
Anyway, if we gave 'em everything they wanted,
they'd be bored and we'd be broke.
I don't think the greens have dried out yet.
(playful music)
Say, Mister, do you wanna advertise?
Advertise?
Uh-huh, you can have my front for 50 cents
and my back for 75.
(audience laughing)
I'm sorry sonny, our advertising department's in New York.
Well, I guess I'll have an ice cream bar anyways.
(audience laughing)
(cheery music)
(upbeat jazz music)
(audience laughing)
(Beaver clears throat)
What?
Hi, Charlie.
Oh, hello, Beaver.
Were you asleep, Charlie?
Me, no, no, I was just running over
the alarm signals in my mind.
What can I do for you?
Charlie, would you like to take old number seven out
with the siren going?
Look, you know Beaver that this is nothing
but an auxiliary firehouse.
I doubt if half the people in the town
know that we're still here.
They would if you advertised.
(audience laughing)
Advertise a fire engine?
Sure, tell 'em you're available in case they got a fire.
I'm selling advertising space
to join my brother Wally's club.
Well, how much are you charging?
50 cents for my front, 75 cents for my back.
Well, the City Council didn't give us
no budget for advertising.
But I think I can take it out of the polish money.
(playful music)
(audience laughing)
(playful music)
We're coming along pretty good, aren't we?
Yeah.
When we get the roof on, it'll
begin to look like something.
We better get back to work, huh?
Yeah, I suppose so.
You know, building a clubhouse isn't as much fun
as I thought it'd be.
Yeah, me too.
Hey Wally, where's that goofy brother of yours?
You don't suppose he's out trying to raise that $3?
Well, you can't tell.
He believes everything we tell him.
Yeah.
I should've made it $5.
(audience laughing)
Hey, Wally, here comes your father!
(audience laughing)
(cheery music)
(audience laughing)
(cheery music)
Hi, Mister.
[Painter] Hi.
Nice bridge you got here.
[Painter] Thanks.
I come and spit off it all the time.
It's the best spittin' bridge in town.
(audience laughing)
You own the bridge, Mister?
[Painter] No, it belongs to the city, kid.
Who owns the city?
People, all the people.
I guess I'm a people, huh?
[Painter] Sure.
Then I guess I own a little of the bridge.
[Painter] Just as much as anybody.
Say Mister, can I borrow some of your paint?
Sure, go ahead, kid.
(cheery music)
(audience laughing)
(cheery music)
How was the game?
Course never did dry out.
I through-putted eight greens.
Why aren't the boys working on their clubhouse?
Well, after the wall collapsed
for the third time, they gave it up.
They went over to Tooey's to watch television.
[Ward] Gave up on their project, huh?
Leaving us with a vacant lot full of old lumber
and a closet full of wet jackets and raincoats.
Well, it's just like I said.
They can't keep their minds on anything.
Oh, you didn't say that about Wally.
You said that about the Beaver.
He's still out.
Hope he isn't still trying to raise money for that club.
Oh, don't be silly, he's forgotten about that long ago.
I just hope he remembers to come home.
Eight greens.
(cheery music)
Well, it looks like you done all right.
Huh?
Oh, hi.
Yeah, I've got a dollar and 75 cents.
One lady gave me 50 cents just for doing nothing.
How'd you do, Mister?
Well, I didn't do so good.
I guess the setting kinda got the best of me.
You mean you didn't make anything?
Practically nothing.
Now I'm just gonna have to go home again empty-handed.
Gee, that's too bad.
What's empty-handed?
(audience laughing)
Broke, son.
Cold stone broke.
I don't mind for myself, but
keep thinking about my little girl.
You've got a little girl?
A darling little girl with blue eyes.
Her name is Jasmine.
She's about your age.
Same kinda hair, too.
She must be a frightening looking little girl.
No, to her daddy, she's a darling little girl.
Looks just like her mother.
Before she went away.
(audience laughing)
Oh, I'm sorry.
Oh, don't be sorry on my account.
I met her when I was shipping out on the old Mariposa.
One of them dancing girls in Damascus.
Four little bells around her ankles.
When she walked, she made music.
Stole her right out from under the nose
of when of them sultans.
Gee, was there any shootin'?
No, but one of them curved swords
cut the heel off one shoe.
She's gone now, and all I got left is my little Jasmine.
I hate to see her cry herself to sleep on a empty stomach.
You mean she ain't got nothing to eat?
No.
She's gonna look at me with them big brown eyes.
Break her daddy's heart.
I thunk she had blue eyes.
Oh, what, uh, yes, blue in the morning.
But, uh, when it comes around evening,
they get to look like a sunset in Damascus, brown.
(audience laughing)
Here.
Oh, no, no, I, I, uh, no,
I couldn't take your money, son, no.
Here, I don't need it anymore.
Well, thank you, son.
Now I won't have to hawk her mother's little ankle bells.
(cheery music)
(audience laughing)
(bright music)
I found it in the garage.
Well, I guess I was wrong about old Beav, huh?
Must've been disappointed when he came home
and found there was no more club.
You know, this reminds me of when I was a kid.
I made 80 cents once charging other kids
to look at my grandfather asleep in bed.
Why in the world would anyone wanna look
at your grandfather sleeping?
He had a beard.
Oh.
Oh?
Yeah, you see
Never mind.
What'd you do with the money?
Same thing Beaver probably did with his.
Blew it all on candy and ice cream.
What?
You gave all the money you made to that old guy Pete?
He told me he needed it for his daughter Jasmine.
Daughter?
Oh, brother.
Beav, everybody knows that guy, he's a faker.
He just told you that to get a handout.
How could you believe that, dancing girls and sultans?
I knowed it wasn't true.
Well then why did you give him your money?
Nobody ever told me a story like that afore.
(cheery music)
(bright music)
("Leave it to Beaver" theme music)
[Announcer] "Leave it to Beaver."
Starring Barbara Billingsley, Hugh Beaumont, Tony Dow,
and Jerry Mathers as The Beaver.
[Narrator] When you were young,
you had all kinds of friends.
Some were helpful.
Some were your playmates.
And there were some very special friends
that your parents never even knew about.
And that's our story tonight on "Leave it to Beaver."
(mellow music) (rain splattering)
Ward.
You know, someday the paper's gonna say fair and warmer,
and it'll be fair and warmer.
Ward, there's water in the basement.
Well, I noticed that earlier this morning.
Well, didn't we just pay $280
so this would never happen again?
Yeah, well, I talked to Mahoney about it.
He said it wasn't anything to worry about.
Just condensation.
Well, there's an inch and a half
of condensation on the floor.
Now, you'd better call Mahoney and get him over here.
June, I hate to call anyone out in weather like this.
Why don't you send a cab for him?
All right, okay, I'll call him later, huh?
What are the boys doing?
Out sailing boats in the gutter?
When we have a basement?
I said I'd call him.
Oh, the boys are upstairs in their room.
Yeah, I guess kids don't sail boats in gutters anymore.
One of the lost arts of childhood.
(audience laughing)
(mellow music)
Wally, you wanna get my soldiers out and have a battle?
Nah.
(bell rings)
Wanna pretend like we're shipwrecked on a desert island
and have to watch out for cannibals?
Eh, I don't feel like watching out for cannibals.
Wish it would quit raining so
we could find something to do.
You wanna trade marbles?
Nah, only a goof would trade marbles this time of year.
Yeah, I guess so.
Hey, Wally, look who's cutting across the lawn!
It's Tooey and Eddie!
Boy, are they wet.
[Wally] Look at that crazy Tooey, he's wearing rubbers!
At least now there's something to do.
(knocking)
Well, come in.
Hi, Mrs. Cleaver.
My mother told us to come over here and play.
Well, wasn't that thoughtful of her.
The boys are upstair, hey!
Hi, men.
Yeah, hi, men.
[Eddie] Gee, Mrs. Cleaver, your hair looks nice.
Thank you, Eddie.
Where are your rubbers?
I got out without 'em.
Oh.
Hey, Wally!
I thought we could trade marbles.
Hey, Tooey, that's a great idea!
Come on, let's go upstairs.
[Beaver] But Wally, you said only a goof.
[June] Oh!
Why do they always have to come to our house?
Because we're so charming and understanding
and we don't have enough character to send them away.
(gentle music)
Hey, Tooey, you crook, this really's got a crack in it.
That's no crack, it's a vein.
That means it's real marble.
What are you talking about?
They don't make marbles outta marble.
What do they make 'em out of?
Glass.
Do they make steelies outta glass, too?
[Eddie] Oh, why don't you dry up?
[Tooey] What are you trying to do?
[Wally] Hey, you guys, quit it!
(boys clamoring)
Boys, boys!
Can't you be quiet up here?
The Beaver started it, Mrs. Cleaver.
Yes, I can see that.
Now come on, up, up!
Now look, you're just gonna have to be quiet.
Your father's trying to do some work.
We'll be quiet, Mom.
Well, just see that you are!
I wish there was someplace we could mess around in peace.
We could play in my house.
But my mom always has a headache.
Too bad we don't have a clubhouse.
We could play in my garage.
But my father won't let me near his power tools.
(audience laughing)
We could build a clubhouse in the vacant lot
across the street.
Hey, I got a great idea!
What's that, Eddie?
We could build ourselves a clubhouse.
[Tooey] Hey, that's a good idea!
(audience laughing)
That's a very good idea.
I thought I told you to dry up.
We can have a secret club with a password and everything.
We could just have it for us guys in the eighth grade.
We could have initiation fees and dues and everything.
You know, a buck to get in and 10 cents a week.
We can have an initiation.
We get to hit a lot of big guys that way
and they can't hit you back.
Some guys would.
Eddie, could I join your club?
What are you talking about?
This is just for the eighth grade.
Yeah, you'd be hanging around messing things up anyway.
Well, couldn't we let him in?
He's gonna be in the eighth grade someday.
Yeah, I'll tell you what, Beaver.
We're charging us eighth grade guys a dollar to get in.
But seeing as you're in the second grade,
we're gonna give you a special rate.
We'll let you in the club if you come up with $3.
Gee, thanks, Eddie.
It's a lot of money, but I think I can get it.
Boys.
Yes, Mrs. Cleaver?
Boys, I'm gonna have some sandwiches
for you in a little while.
Oh, thanks, Mom.
Don't put any mayonnaise on mine, Mrs. Cleaver.
My mom says I'm allergic to it.
Well, I'll try to remember that, Eddie.
Gee, Mrs. Cleaver, your hair really does look
You said that, Eddie.
Look, boys, I think you're going to be able
to play outside after lunch.
The rain seems to be letting up.
Mom, where's Dad?
I wanna ask him something.
Boy, we can get started on the clubhouse
right after lunch.
Uh, say, maybe we oughta let the Beaver in for a buck.
He's actually not so bad.
Look, it was my idea to have a clubhouse,
so I'm gonna say who gets in and who doesn't.
Why do you want $3?
[Beaver] So I can join the club that Wally and Eddie
and Tooey are building.
Oh, now look, Beaver, they're big fellas.
They're in the eighth grade, you're just a little guy.
You couldn't join their club.
I could if I had $3.
(audience laughing)
Beaver, yesterday you wanted $2 for a model airplane.
Tomorrow it'll be something else.
You see, you haven't learned to stick to one thing yet.
I collected gum wrappers for a whole week once.
Yes, I know, but that's not quite the same thing, Beaver.
For example, did you know that psychologists say
children your age simply can't concentrate on any one thing
for longer than, uh, oh, about 40 minutes at most.
Does this mean I don't get the $3?
(audience laughing)
It means why don't you go and play,
and the first thing you know, you'll forget
all about the clubhouse, the $3, and everything.
[Beaver] Okay, Dad.
(cheery music)
Oh, looks pretty good, boys.
[Eddie] Yeah, Mr. Cleaver.
It's an interesting roof line you have there.
Yeah, well, we're gonna saw it off later, Dad.
Oh.
Eddie, give me the big hammer.
(audience laughing)
Uh, Tooey, if you choke up on the hammer like that,
you can't get much leverage.
If I stand back any further, Mr. Cleaver,
I can't see the nail.
(audience laughing)
Oh, doing a great job, boys!
Really on the ball with this clubhouse.
[Eddie] Thanks, Mr. Cleaver.
Wally, I wouldn't leave these tools
lying on the wet grass like that, they'll get all rusted.
Oh, it's okay, Dad, they belong to Tooey's father.
Oh.
Keep up the good work.
Hey, your dad's all right, Wally.
He didn't stick around.
If my dad knew we were building a clubhouse,
he'd wanna measure everything
and cut 'em off with his power tools.
Took him two days once to make a breadboard.
(audience laughing)
[Beaver] Mom?
I thought you were helping with the clubhouse.
I ain't a member.
Beaver, you're not a member.
That's right, I ain't not a member.
(audience laughing)
Mom?
Mom, how do people make money?
Well, mostly they earn it.
Who's got the most money in the whole town?
Well, I really don't know.
What about Mr. Thompson?
He owns that big house by the park.
[June] Yes, Mr. Thompson has a great deal of money.
Where'd he get it?
Well, I think his father left it to him when he died.
Oh.
How about Mr. Cartwright?
He has that big fence around his grass.
Yes, Mr. Cartwright is rather wealthy.
Where'd he get his money?
Did somebody leave it to him, too?
No, Mr. Cartwright made his as an advertising executive.
Now honey, why don't you run along and play?
What's advertising?
Well, it's when people pay you to tell other people
what you have to sell, like a billboard
or ads in the newspaper.
He gets paid for that?
Uh-huh.
Run along.
Okay.
Where's the Beaver going?
I don't know.
He came in and asked me who the richest man in town was,
and then he left.
Oh, maybe he plans to marry his daughter.
[June] Hmm?
Oh, just dreaming.
(audience laughing)
This'll make a good window.
We'll cut a hole for it later.
Yeah, wipers and everything.
Hey, Wally, where's your kid brother?
How come he's not hanging around bothering us?
I don't know.
I haven't seen him since this morning.
I kinda wish he'd come around.
Then we could have the fun of chasing him off.
(audience laughing)
You probably scared him off with that stuff about the $3.
(gentle music)
Excuse me, Mister.
Huh, what, oh, hi, sonny.
Are you in the advertising business?
Well, I might say I am.
Do you make a lot of money?
Never needed much, so I never made much.
I make enough to get along.
Could a fella make $3 carrying that sign?
Yeah, I guess you could.
Course ambition was never one of them
bad habits I ever picked up.
I walk a little, and I set a little.
Come the end of the day, I start adding it up,
(giggles) more setting than there is walking.
(audience laughing)
But a fella could make $3, couldn't he?
Yes.
But he'd have to have that ambition habit real bad.
(audience laughing)
(cheery music)
(audience laughing)
(playful music)
(audience laughing)
(cheery music)
No golf this afternoon?
No, I thought for one Saturday
I'd spend the day here with you.
Oh, the greens haven't dried out yet.
No, not quite.
- Honey.
- Yeah?
Don't you think you might've given the Beaver
the money to join Wally's club?
Well sure, I could have.
But it would've just been another one of things
he'd have forgotten about in half an hour.
Remember when he had to have that football helmet?
I paid $6 for it, he wore it every place he went
for two days, including to bed.
Then he gave it to the milkman
in case he had a head-on collision.
(audience laughing)
Oh, I don't know, Ward.
The Beaver seemed pretty determined this morning.
June, at their age their minds bounce from one thing
to another like a pinball machine.
Anyway, if we gave 'em everything they wanted,
they'd be bored and we'd be broke.
I don't think the greens have dried out yet.
(playful music)
Say, Mister, do you wanna advertise?
Advertise?
Uh-huh, you can have my front for 50 cents
and my back for 75.
(audience laughing)
I'm sorry sonny, our advertising department's in New York.
Well, I guess I'll have an ice cream bar anyways.
(audience laughing)
(cheery music)
(upbeat jazz music)
(audience laughing)
(Beaver clears throat)
What?
Hi, Charlie.
Oh, hello, Beaver.
Were you asleep, Charlie?
Me, no, no, I was just running over
the alarm signals in my mind.
What can I do for you?
Charlie, would you like to take old number seven out
with the siren going?
Look, you know Beaver that this is nothing
but an auxiliary firehouse.
I doubt if half the people in the town
know that we're still here.
They would if you advertised.
(audience laughing)
Advertise a fire engine?
Sure, tell 'em you're available in case they got a fire.
I'm selling advertising space
to join my brother Wally's club.
Well, how much are you charging?
50 cents for my front, 75 cents for my back.
Well, the City Council didn't give us
no budget for advertising.
But I think I can take it out of the polish money.
(playful music)
(audience laughing)
(playful music)
We're coming along pretty good, aren't we?
Yeah.
When we get the roof on, it'll
begin to look like something.
We better get back to work, huh?
Yeah, I suppose so.
You know, building a clubhouse isn't as much fun
as I thought it'd be.
Yeah, me too.
Hey Wally, where's that goofy brother of yours?
You don't suppose he's out trying to raise that $3?
Well, you can't tell.
He believes everything we tell him.
Yeah.
I should've made it $5.
(audience laughing)
Hey, Wally, here comes your father!
(audience laughing)
(cheery music)
(audience laughing)
(cheery music)
Hi, Mister.
[Painter] Hi.
Nice bridge you got here.
[Painter] Thanks.
I come and spit off it all the time.
It's the best spittin' bridge in town.
(audience laughing)
You own the bridge, Mister?
[Painter] No, it belongs to the city, kid.
Who owns the city?
People, all the people.
I guess I'm a people, huh?
[Painter] Sure.
Then I guess I own a little of the bridge.
[Painter] Just as much as anybody.
Say Mister, can I borrow some of your paint?
Sure, go ahead, kid.
(cheery music)
(audience laughing)
(cheery music)
How was the game?
Course never did dry out.
I through-putted eight greens.
Why aren't the boys working on their clubhouse?
Well, after the wall collapsed
for the third time, they gave it up.
They went over to Tooey's to watch television.
[Ward] Gave up on their project, huh?
Leaving us with a vacant lot full of old lumber
and a closet full of wet jackets and raincoats.
Well, it's just like I said.
They can't keep their minds on anything.
Oh, you didn't say that about Wally.
You said that about the Beaver.
He's still out.
Hope he isn't still trying to raise money for that club.
Oh, don't be silly, he's forgotten about that long ago.
I just hope he remembers to come home.
Eight greens.
(cheery music)
Well, it looks like you done all right.
Huh?
Oh, hi.
Yeah, I've got a dollar and 75 cents.
One lady gave me 50 cents just for doing nothing.
How'd you do, Mister?
Well, I didn't do so good.
I guess the setting kinda got the best of me.
You mean you didn't make anything?
Practically nothing.
Now I'm just gonna have to go home again empty-handed.
Gee, that's too bad.
What's empty-handed?
(audience laughing)
Broke, son.
Cold stone broke.
I don't mind for myself, but
keep thinking about my little girl.
You've got a little girl?
A darling little girl with blue eyes.
Her name is Jasmine.
She's about your age.
Same kinda hair, too.
She must be a frightening looking little girl.
No, to her daddy, she's a darling little girl.
Looks just like her mother.
Before she went away.
(audience laughing)
Oh, I'm sorry.
Oh, don't be sorry on my account.
I met her when I was shipping out on the old Mariposa.
One of them dancing girls in Damascus.
Four little bells around her ankles.
When she walked, she made music.
Stole her right out from under the nose
of when of them sultans.
Gee, was there any shootin'?
No, but one of them curved swords
cut the heel off one shoe.
She's gone now, and all I got left is my little Jasmine.
I hate to see her cry herself to sleep on a empty stomach.
You mean she ain't got nothing to eat?
No.
She's gonna look at me with them big brown eyes.
Break her daddy's heart.
I thunk she had blue eyes.
Oh, what, uh, yes, blue in the morning.
But, uh, when it comes around evening,
they get to look like a sunset in Damascus, brown.
(audience laughing)
Here.
Oh, no, no, I, I, uh, no,
I couldn't take your money, son, no.
Here, I don't need it anymore.
Well, thank you, son.
Now I won't have to hawk her mother's little ankle bells.
(cheery music)
(audience laughing)
(bright music)
I found it in the garage.
Well, I guess I was wrong about old Beav, huh?
Must've been disappointed when he came home
and found there was no more club.
You know, this reminds me of when I was a kid.
I made 80 cents once charging other kids
to look at my grandfather asleep in bed.
Why in the world would anyone wanna look
at your grandfather sleeping?
He had a beard.
Oh.
Oh?
Yeah, you see
Never mind.
What'd you do with the money?
Same thing Beaver probably did with his.
Blew it all on candy and ice cream.
What?
You gave all the money you made to that old guy Pete?
He told me he needed it for his daughter Jasmine.
Daughter?
Oh, brother.
Beav, everybody knows that guy, he's a faker.
He just told you that to get a handout.
How could you believe that, dancing girls and sultans?
I knowed it wasn't true.
Well then why did you give him your money?
Nobody ever told me a story like that afore.
(cheery music)
(bright music)