My Three Sons (1960) s01e09 Episode Script

1
(theme song plays)
We ought to have a map of Pine Canyon.
Are you kidding?
Gunman's Gulch isn't even on a map.
Ed Frazer told me how to get there.
Take this old logging road that cuts off by Beaver Spring.
We can hang this lamp on the back of the tent
Keep the mountain lions and bears away.
MIKE: No, it goes inside.
We'll probably want to read magazines
or chew the rag after we turn in.
Yeah! Tell ghost stories!
Can't you just see us in the tent
and the campfire going on outside?
An old wildcat howls in the woods.
(howls)
MIKE: Sounds more like a sick coyote.
Yeah. I sure wish I could go.
Hey, look, Chip, remember what Dad said this morning.
This camping trip is for Mike and me so hit the road.
I could help around the camp.
Yeah, a big help you'd be.
Now you messed the tent up.
Beat it, will ya?
Yeah, Chip, why don't you go outside?
There's nothing to do.
Well, find something to do. Like what?
What do you do any other Saturday?
Play with the kids on the block. Doing what?
Doing whatever they're doing.
They're not doing anything.
Well, then you find something to do. Like what?
Aw, you're hopeless!
Well, Lewis and Clark, I presume?
Oh, thanks, Bub. You're welcome.
Well, you know, I kind of envy you fellas.
If I didn't have a pinochle game on tonight,
I'd pack a bedroll and go with you.
I wish you could. I'll never forget the last time
I spent the night up there in Gunman's Gulch.
We slept in an old, abandoned cabin,
just like the old Wild West days.
You know, it's still pretty wooly up there.
Pretty wild. Yeah. Lots of things can happen to a guy
in country like that. That's right.
I mean, real adventures and stuff.
That's right. Isn't that right?
Well what's eating you, Gloomy Gus?
Those guys get to have all
the fun, and I have to stay home.
We'll take you camping sometime, Chip
When you get a little older.
Yeah, when I get older In about a hundred years,
Hi, Chipper.
Hi.
Oh. Not on that one. Here.
There you are.
Thanks.
Dad?
Mm-hmm?
What can I do?
What can you do?
Well, uh, why don't you find Mike and Robbie
and see what they're doing.
They're going camping.
Yeah, but they're not going till this afternoon.
Maybe you can help 'em pack.
They don't want me in there.
Tough life, isn't it?
Well, let's see, now, uh
why don't you go out in the backyard and build something?
You know, there's all that old lumber there.
You can use my hammer and saw if you put it back, okay?
That's no fun.
What would you like to do, Chip?
I'd like to do what Mike and Robbie are gonna do
Camp out in the woods where there's wild animals
and have adventures.
Well, they'll take you along with them one of these days.
Besides, you don't have to go out
in the woods to have adventure.
You got to go someplace. No, you don't.
You can have adventures anywhere
even right out in your own backyard.
You kidding? No, I'm not kidding.
Come here, I'll show you.
There's no animals or anything back there.
All right, then we just have to put some out there.
All right, now, tell me, Chip,
what do you see down there?
(Tramp barks)
CHIP: Just a lot of stuff.
That old busted clubhouse, clothesline, my scooter.
You know something, Chip?
You can make those things into anything you like. Huh?
Sure you can.
All you've got to do is turn on your imagination.
I haven't got any. Oh, of course you have,
and you've used it plenty of times.
It's no fun just pretending.
Don't you remember all the fun you had
when I read you that story about Huckleberry Finn?
And how you imagined you were on that island in the river?
The yard isn't big enough for an island. 'Course it is.
You just set up your camp down there
and imagine it's an unexplored island
with ferocious animals and shadowy figures lurking around.
What'll I do with the clothesline?
Oh, make believe it's a telephone line.
How come there's a phone on an unexplored island?
Oh, you've got me there.
Maybe we'd better make it, uh,
the rigging of an old sunken ship, huh?
How come it sunk in the middle of the island?
Well, it's in the the hidden lake.
How'd the ship get in the lake?
It sailed up the secret river. Where?
Can't you see it right there, back of the incinerator?
What's that to the right of the tree?
You mean the garden hose?
No, no. I mean that great big old green snake
all coiled up ready to strike.
(hissing nearby)
(hissing continues)
(hissing continues)
(growls)
See? What'd I tell you?
It's nothing but a clunky old backyard!
I thought it was a pretty nice island.
Robbie? Mike?
Wish I knew what I was building.
What you doing, Chip?
Nothing.
What's this, a raft?
Yeah, I guess it could be.
A raft? Are you kidding?
Oh, you got to have a lot more wood in it than this.
Yeah, you got to have some heavy timbers
to put under it, too Like these.
You know, you make this thing big enough,
and you can put that shack on it.
You mean like Huckleberry Hound?
Finn.
Hey, Robbie, we got some better
planks than these, haven't we?
Yeah, right over there.
Get some old two-by-fours while you're at it, too.
Watch it, now. Sorry.
Hey, what are you doing?
Could nail a couple of boards together.
Nah, you can't do that.
If you're gonna build something,
you got to build it decent.
I thought you guys were going camping.
Yeah. These will be good for underpinning.
Out of the way, squirt.
It's my raft!
Hey, Mike, hurry up.
(tool clatters) Get out of the way, Chip.
Well, at least let me help.
Well, here.
What'll I do with it? Hold it.
How long? Mike, grab some nails on your way over.
What do you think I am, an octopus?
Look out, Chip.
(Mike and Robbie talking)
Get out of the way, Chip.
ROBBIE: Hey, where'd that flagpole go?
MIKE: It's around here someplace.
Maybe you left it under the raft.
No. I purposely moved it so that when I built
Well, for crying out loud, there it is.
Where? Right here, Dumbo.
Why didn't you tell me you had it?
'Cause I didn't know I did.
There.
How's that?
Pretty neat. Thanks, you guys.
Come on, Tramp.
Yep, now that really looks like something.
Think Dad'll let me sleep on it tonight?
Hey, we better get going. Let's go, Robbie.
Yeah, I think maybe I'll sleep on it.
I'll fill the canteens, and you get the sleeping bags.
Maybe we should take Dad's .22.
Hey, you guys, I'm gonna sleep on the raft tonight.
Well, I got my hunting knife.
Robbie, we're all gonna have adventures tonight.
Mike?
Oh, but don't forget the camera.
Yeah, we can take some real neat wild animal shots.
Well, I don't even want to go to Gunman's Gulch!
'Cause I get to sleep on my raft tonight!
(Tramp whines)
Night, Dad.
Oh, you're all set, huh?
Well, good night, Chipper.
(chuckles) You got your flashlight and everything, huh?
Wish I could've gone with Mike and Robbie.
Oh, you're gonna have as much fun
as they are, sleeping out on that raft.
Some adventure My own backyard.
It's not a backyard; It's an island, remember?
You think I ought to take my water pistol?
Oh, you betcha you don't
want to go out there without that.
Cal Mitchell, take cover.
I'm really gonna get you tonight.
Pinochle night, huh? Yeah.
Well, looks like our fearless adventurer
is about ready to hit the sack.
I'll give him about ten minutes out there.
(laughing): Me, too.
Bub, you're a glutton for punishment,
fighting those kids all day
and then going out for a pinochle fight at night.
Eh, it's different when you fight adults.
Relaxing.
Say, Steve, let me have your house key, will ya?
You lost yours again?
No, I haven't lost mine again.
I just can't find it again.
Thanks. And don't bother to lock up
I've got everything all battened down. Okay.
And don't wait up for me. Good night, Bub.
Good night. Pin his ears back.
Yep.
What's the trouble, Chip?
The flashlight doesn't work.
Oh.
There. Just have to shake it a little.
Well, you don't have to keep shaking it.
Here. Better save your battery.
(Tramp whines)
Come on, Tramp.
(door closing)
What's the trouble now?
Kind of dark out there.
Oh, but you've got your flashlight.
I know, but there's noises.
What kind of noises?
I don't know.
Well, come on, I'll
I'll get you started.
Hey, Dad, the flashlight won't go on again.
Well, try shaking it.
There she goes.
Come on, Tramp.
Oh, you've got a nice night for it, Chip.
Getting late It's nice and calm.
You ought to sleep like a rock.
Come on in, Dad.
Hey, you got it all fixed up inside, huh?
Yep.
Well huh, this is all right.
Very cozy.
Here, let me help you.
Think we ought to leave the flashlight on?
No, no, you might as well turn it off, Chip.
The moon will be up pretty soon.
There.
Here, Tramp!
You think there's room for all three of us in here?
Come on, Tramp, lie down. Attaboy.
I'll stay out with you for a while, Chip, huh?
Let me get this blanket, Chip.
There. Lie down, boy.
That's the stuff.
I wonder what Mike and Robbie are doing.
Well, they're probably in their tent already,
sound asleep.
You better
you better go to sleep, too, Chip.
It's, uh
(laughs) I left my watch inside,
but I know it's past your bedtime.
Lie down now, Tramp, come on.
Down boy that's a good boy.
There.
I'll just stay out here with you for a while, huh?
(wind blowing)
(rattling)
What was that?
Oh, the wind's coming up now,
just blowing in the trees.
(loud thud)
What was that?!
Sounded like the back door
slamming shut, didn't it?
Oh, my gosh.
What's the matter?
We're locked out; I gave Bub my house key.
You mean, you can't get in the house?
Well, we can when Bub gets back, Chip.
(whines) Go to sleep.
Nothing to worry about. No problem.
No problem.
Bub's in good form tonight.
(Tramp whines)
It's awfully dark.
(board creaks, wind whistling)
Nothing to worry about, Chip.
No matter what I said this morning,
it's still our own backyard.
Close your eyes. Go to sleep, hmm?
It's different at night.
Yeah.
And Bub will be along pretty soon.
(boards banging)
(board creaking)
It's just the wind, Chip.
Bub will be home pretty soon I hope.
(whines)
Settle down, Tramp, come on.
(wind whistling)
(wood creaking)
(whispering): Dad! Hey, Dad!
What, what?!
What's the matter?
What's that noise?
Oh, it's nothing, son.
It's just the wind banging something, Chip.
I must have fallen asleep.
I'm scared.
It's nothing, Chip. Nothing.
Almost as if I was I've been asleep for hours.
Gee, I wonder what time it is.
Lie down, Tramp.
Hmm.
(wind whistling)
(cat yowls) Dad!
What, what, what?!
Let's go in the house. (Tramp barking)
Yeah. Yeah, that's a good idea, Chip.
Where's the flashlight?
(growling)
Oh, there it is.
I guess that's good.
Come on, Chip.
We'll go wake up Bub, have him let us in.
It sure is windy.
Yeah.
I hope we can wake Bub up.
House could fall on his head and he wouldn't know it.
(rattles doorknob)
Hey, Bub! Bub!
Chip, don't wake the neighbors.
Bub?!
Bub?! He doesn't sleep, he hibernates.
Bub?
Maybe he's still playing pinochle.
This late? Must be 4:00 in the morning.
Kitchen light's still on.
I guess you're right, Chip.
He would have turned it out if he were home.
Well, it can't be more than
a couple of hours till daylight.
We better try to get some sleep.
I know he'll be home to fix our breakfast this morning.
Come on, Tramp!
Staying up all night playing pinochle.
Grown man, too.
(deep thudding)
There's that noise again.
(thudding continues)
What is it, Dad?
Oh, it's just a loose board or something, Chip.
Now come on. Go to sleep.
(thudding continues)
Sounds like a drum.
Yeah, it does kind of, doesn't it?
Now let's get some shut-eye. Go to sleep.
Jeepers, I It's all right.
It's a storm, but it's a long way off.
Listen for the thunder.
(thunder rumbling)
You see? It's a long way off.
(creaking)
Tramp, be quiet, hmm?
(growls)
Something's on the roof.
No, it's just the boards creaking, Chip.
You know how new houses settle.
(crunching sound)
It's walking around. Maybe it's a wild animal.
There's nothing up there, Chip.
Now go to sleep, hmm?
(growling)
Tramp, stop that.
See? Tramp hears it, too.
(growling) Oh, it's It's an animal.
It's probably just old Oliver, Miss Pitt's cat.
He couldn't hurt anybody.
Come on.
(growling)
(cat snarls)
All right, I'll go out and take a look.
Hmm, sounds like he took off, huh?
Lie down.
Let's try it again, hmm?
(creaking)
(snarling)
(Tramp barking)
You see there?
Just a couple of cats fighting.
There's a logical explanation for everything.
Now lie down. Let's go.
All right, good night.
(thunder crashing)
Boy, if I ever get back in the house,
I'm never coming out again.
If you heard these sounds during the day,
you wouldn't even think anything about 'em.
You were right.
This backyard is the scariest place I've ever been.
I didn't mean there was anything out here
that you should be afraid of.
What could come into this yard
that would hurt you?
I don't know.
That's what makes it so scary.
Nothing to be afraid of.
(rain falling)
It's raining.
Oh, boy, this is all we need.
Better get my feet in.
I hope you fellows put a good roof on here.
You didn't.
(raindrops hitting helmet)
Come on, you've got to move out of here.
(eerie screeching)
Did you hear that?
Yeah, I heard it, Chip.
What's the logical explanation?
Well, I'm sure there is,
and I don't know quite what it is right now.
(screeching continues)
That's no cat.
No, it doesn't sound like a cat, Chip.
(thunder crashes)
(gasping softly)
What's the matter?
Hold on, Chip. Now, stop that.
You're just imagining things.
There's nothing out there.
(screeching continues)
(screeching continues)
There is something out there.
Did you see it?
Yeah, I saw it.
What is it?
(screeching continues)
I don't know, Chip.
It's nothing to be afraid of, though.
Just be quiet.
(screeching continues)
(screeching continues)
(screeching continues)
Chip, get back.
Who's there?!
(screeching continues)
(Chip screams)
Bub!
What is tarnation are you doing out here?
The back door slammed shut, and we got locked out.
You got my key.
We almost broke the house down trying to wake you up.
Are you kidding? I just got home.
Just got home at 4:00 in the morning?
What are you talking about, 4:00 in the morning?
It's 20 minutes past 10:00.
20 minutes past 10:00?
We've been out here practically all night.
Well, you don't have to take my word for it.
You mean we've only been out here a little over an hour?
Oh, Tramp!
Tramp, what's the matter?
See, Chip?
There's a logical explanation for everything.
A dumb old mop.
Sure sound like a bunch of cannibal war drums.
Yeah.
Come on, Tramp.
You know, Chip, I bet you've had more adventure right here
in your own backyard than Mike and Robbie
are having in Gunman's Gulch.
Kind of scary though.
BUB: Chip!
Okay!
Hey, we still haven't found the invisible ghost
that was screaming yet.
I thought you were the fellow that was telling me
you didn't have any imagination.
Well, I was talking about daytime.
I have too darn much nighttime imagination.
Well, daytime or nighttime, Chip,
don't ever lose it
because it's the greatest thing you can ever have.
(screeching)
There's that ghost again.
Yeah.
Hey, your daytime imagination's getting a lot better.
You know that?
Hey, it's the weathervane!
Mm-hmm. Could use a little oil, couldn't it?
Yes, sir, Chip, if you've got imagination
there's no limit as to how high or how far
or in what direction you can go.
BUB: Yeah?
Well, how about following me
in the direction of the kitchen?
Hey, Bub, you pretend
you're a big ugly gorilla,
and I'll pretend I'm an elephant hunter.
I got a better idea than that.
I'll pretend I'm Bub, and you pretend you're Chip
and I'll wash and you dry.
Aw, that's no fun.
We're supposed to use our imagination.
All right, then you pretend you're Bub,
and I'll pretend I'm Chip, and you wash and I'll dry.
(mimicking gunshots)
Well, Captain, this river is infested with crocodiles.