Strip Law (2026) s01e09 Episode Script

1
Live from the Las Vegas
Adult Paintball Pavilion and Event Space,
it's the 50th annual
Golden Gavel Lawyer Awards,
brought to you by Chingles Supermarkets.
Chingles, that's what
the grocery stores here are called.
The stars are truly out.
Oh! In from bustling Carson City,
there's Nevada's coolest lawyers,
Pringus and Bench.
It's an honor just to be inebriated.
Ha ha! Stay in school.
And here's up-and-comers
Lincoln Gumb and Sheila Flambé.
They've made a big mark this year,
despite having stupid food-sounding names.
Sheila, who are you wearing?
Oh, Margo, I don't kiss and tell.
Oh! You mean my dress.
It's by Chingles Dress Hole.
Oh, of course it is!
Now, Lincoln, it's the first GGs
since your mother, Marcia Gumb,
was tragically obliterated.
How are you feeling?
Like an ant at a picnic.
Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom!
Speaking of your mom,
are you excited that tonight,
Steve Nichols is going to finally give her
the tribute she deserves
after the disastrous funeral?
-Oh, I wouldn't call it
-We have a clip.
Ahem.
My mom was… She… was special at…
"Terrible job, son!"
"You're humiliating me
in front of the devil?"
"No, we'll never marry!"
Yeesh.
I've come a long way since then, Marcia.
I mean, Margo.
Anyway, that's old news.
We're up for Firm of the Year
and Best Commercial, baby.
It's our night.
Sheila "The Human Highlight Reel" Flambé,
and, I wanna say, Clinton Jellybean?
Yep, Sheila's right.
Also, I promise, she knows my name.
Hey, watch this!
-Unh, unh, unh-unh-unh ♪
-Who's that?
Whoo! Wow!
Sheila! Sheila! Sheila!
Sheila-nomics! Jiro dreams of Sheila!
Yo quiero Sheila Bell!
For those just joining us,
the Human Highlight Reel
is pulling tons of focus
by reappropriating
out-of-date catchphrases
and doing a dance
that can only be called "the Sheila."
Beef! It's what's for Sheila!
Yes, yes, everyone loves
Gumb and Flambé's better half.
But let's not forget,
tonight's about my late partner,
Marcia Gumb, and by extension, me.
There's been a break-in
at the Sheila Gate Hotel!
Just wait till my ultra-respectful
five-star three-ring multimedia tribute
to the late Marcia.
-It's…
-Here's… Sheila!
Sheila, are you okay? Did you
Break my pussy?
Of course not! What a stupid question!
-It's gonna
-Yeow!
It's my relaxed sound
because of how… normal my pussy is!
…gonna be somber as hell, y'all.
Oh, well,
there you have it, folks.
Another magical Vegas GGs.
Man, I thought tonight was
about me being out of my mom's shadow.
But it's like I'm still under her
as she towers over me,
and all I can do is look right up
between her giant legs.
Lincoln, I think it's time
to look at the memento tattoo I gave you
while you were sleeping again.
And tonight is about us.
So just relax, get drunk
have fun and don't…
…worry.
You're right.
Now admit you broke your pussy.
No!
Nothing bad has ever happened to me.
Hurt pussy, eh?
Now that's what I call a…
I… Uh, I got nothin'.
Glem, you look great.
Someone slept inside last night!
Okay, I'm gonna work the room.
Maybe land us a big new client.
Glem, you know everyone.
What do I need to know?
Oh… Well, that's Steve Nichols.
I believe he's a lawyer of some kind.
Yeah, I know him, Glem.
Who else?
All right, let's see.
That's Billy Grimple.
He owns La Bouche,
the mouth-themed casino.
That's Showbiz Entertainment Cheese.
He runs a hedge fund.
And, oh, that's Anita Chingles.
She was your mom's biggest client.
And who's that guy?
-I think his name is Steve Nichols.
-No.
That guy!
I need to leave. I, uh… I broke my pussy!
What? Glem!
If that were true,
he wouldn't be able to walk like that.
I assume.
Well, maybe Irene
and her new boyfriend will be normal.
Irene has a boyfriend?
What is he, like a biker or a gangster?
Rebel with or without a cause?
-Hey, Sheila! This is Gordo Cippolini.
-Hey.
And, of course, the famous Patrick.
I am humbled to meet you.
Mon-shure Gumb, Madame Flambé.
Oh my God.
Hi, Gordo. Hi, Patrick.
Who wants to see me twirl?
The show is starting.
Everyone be quiet.
I was la wing the law late one night ♪
When my eyes beheld a lawyer sight ♪
For the gavel from the judge
Began to rise ♪
And suddenly, we testified ♪
We did the mash ♪
We lawed the lawyer's mash ♪
We did the mash ♪
-Such incomprehensible beauty.
-It was a lawyer ♪
-We lawed the law ♪
-Lawed the law ♪
Your judge ♪
Hello, I'm Mayor George Wallace.
Welcome, everyone,
to the 50th annual Golden Gavels.
Brought to you by Chingles
and reruns of the lawyer show, Bull.
If you haven't yet, feel free to ride
the mechanical bull from Bull.
Yeehaw!
This is, of course, my adopted brother,
our beloved Lunchmeat.
I'm full o' beans!
Wow, his catchphrase! Right off the bat!
What a crowd we have tonight,
but everyone might as well go home,
because, right in his usual seat,
I see five-time winner,
Attorney Merle Streep
from his firm, Streep Law.
Let someone else win for a change, Merle!
Truly, all the greats are here tonight.
Also, Sheila Flambé!
He's sayin' that
Sheila isn't one of the greats.
Sheila didn't even know she was nominated.
She just heard they're giving out a prize
for the most hung jury.
'Cause of my unhung privates!
TMI!
His other catchphrase!
Is that Lincoln Gumb I see with Sheila?
Seriously, Lincoln.
Your mother's death was the hugest deal.
Let's have a moment of silence
for the most important person
in the room right now,
Marcia Gumb's spirit.
But I'm still full o' beans!
We've got a really, really great show
for you tonight.
The 50th annual GGs will be right back.
Show will resume
in five minutes.
It's our night!
And I'm comin' for you, Steve.
Jesus Christ, after all this time?
Why, hello there!
My name is, uh… Robert E…
Don't say Lee.
Don't tell 'em your name is Robert E. Lee.
Robert E. Zombie. Industrialist.
What are we gabbin' about
here at this fine table here?
Well, we were talking about
Gumb and Flambé.
Ooh! Lincoln Gumb, he is a fine litigant.
He's got me out of
many a fine pickled pepper.
I employ slave labor, you see.
White slavery, mind you. Nothin' untoward.
And Lincoln Gumb has kept me
out of the fire,
profitin' off my white slaves
for years and years.
You're doin' a great job hiding
and drumming up business for Lincoln.
I love you, Glem!
I love you, too!
Ah, oh, I mean, uh, I love U2. The band.
Yeah, that'll cover it.
Anyway, about my white child slaves.
Good evenin'. Any of you fine people
seen a man by the name of Glem Blorchman?
He's about 5'10".
Looks like one of them creatures
the Bible warns of.
No, sir. And I'd be able to.
I'm very tall.
You're welcome, Glem.
Glem? How dare you?
I challenge you to a duel.
No! Stop!
I can't.
And Marcia just looked up at me
and said, "Thank you."
Aw!
You know, Steven, I was trying
to buy a gumball the other day,
and it occurred to me
that a nickel can't buy a piece of gum
because Gumb is worth more than Nichols.
Well, Lincoln is on the penny,
which last I checked
is worthless next to a nickel.
And Nichols is plural.
Ah, yes. Well, Jefferson is on the nickel,
and he invented the lazy Susan,
and in court, you're lazy at suin'…
Where… is everybody going?
You think this is an award show?
This is an arena where we battle it out
to see who's remembered
as Marcia's successor.
And I'm about to memorialize her so hard
that people are gonna think
you were just Marcia's butler.
I only did that for 12 Halloweens.
God,
the show is starting any second.
Everyone get back to your seats!
Damn it, this is so bad!
And now the nominees for best commercial.
Sheila Flambé and Irene Gumb
for Lawbert Rising.
Stay for one drink. We should talk.
Lawbert, Lawbert
Do the Lawbert! ♪
You were my mom's best… client? Friend?
To Marcia, they were the same thing.
Mike Milk for "The Milk Is Fresh."
I've heard what people are saying.
"Mike Milk is just tall,"
and "Mike Milk uses being tall
to cover for not going to law school."
Well, to the haters,
I say, check this out.
I'm sunglasses now.
Sunglasses ♪
-Sunglasses, oh, sunglasses… ♪
-Your mommy would be so proud.
She used to brag about how she was
turning you into a little clone of her.
Yeah, I'm kinda trying to do my own thing.
Step out of her shadow,
stop accidentally sexualizing her, etc.
Oh! Sweetie, why would you ever do that?
Kyle and Skyle Munt,
"We Almost Do It All."
-I'm Kyle Munt.
-And I'm Skyle Munt.
And do you know what makes us
Vegas's number one twin lawyer team?
What, sweet brother?
We do it all.
Slip and fall accidents.
Medical malpractice.
Laser injuries.
Nursing home abuse.
The only thing we don't do
is have sex with each other.
We've never even thought about it.
We're focused on you.
Kyle and Skyle took my eviction case
without once having sex
or even fooling around.
We lost,
but there was no funny business.
Even if we wanted to,
our bunk bed would make it too difficult.
I've heard about Steve's five-star,
three-ring, multimedia tribute to Marcia.
Did you know he has a hologram?
Steve has a hologram of my mom?
So let me tell you what I'm gonna do.
My company is sponsoring this show.
Chingle Supermarkets.
That's what grocery stores
are called here.
Yes. I'm gonna pull some strings.
You'll deliver
a beautiful, heartfelt speech,
make up for that fiasco of a eulogy,
and maybe Chingles leaves
Steve Nichols and Associates
for an ambitious young firm?
Sure. A heartfelt,
non-disastrous memorial to my mom.
Easy.
And the winner
for Best Advertisement is…
Irene Gumb and Sheila Flambé
for "Lawbert Rising"!
Oh man! I… I dedicate this award
to my boyfriend, Gordo, featuring Patrick.
Uh, well…
I'm no good at speeches.
Not like Sheila. Sheila!
Sheila! Sheila!
Sheila! Sheila! Sheila!
Sheila! Sheila!
Sheila!
Awesome new noise from Sheila!
Sheila is amazing!
Do the Sheila!
Yeah! Do the Sheila!
She's overcome with emotion!
I could watch this forever!
The 50th annual GGs
will be right back.
So… crazy weather lately.
We won! Did you see my speech?
What?
I sure did!
You were wonderful, sweetheart.
And what about you, dude?
Did you see your firm win an award?
Or were you too busy
writin' your manifesto?
I didn't… Huh? Sorry. Speech. For Mom.
Lot riding on it. Chingles.
Gotta go bathroom.
Freshen drinks, sire?
I'm a waiter named, uh…
General Stonewall… Flowers.
Stone Wallflowers!
Forget I said General, huh?
Glem, what's goin' on?
Why are you doing
Pistachio Disguisey-style capers
during an awards show?
Uh, well…
Once upon a time, a happy young farmer
lived with his wife, Sarah.
Then one day, the farmer noticed
some onions were missing.
He chalked it up to varmints.
Varmints? I hate those!
But the next day,
some potatoes went missing.
Now the farmer decided to keep watch,
but he fell asleep.
When he woke,
he found Sarah asleep in the hay
with a handsome bandit.
A pot of stew between them,
made with his vegetables.
-His vegetables?
-Mmm.
The farmer wanted blood,
but Sarah convinced them
to settle it in court.
On the stand, Sarah revealed
the bandit was her first husband,
who she thought had died in a rock slide.
The men were at each other's throats.
So the judge issued
an old-fashioned sentence.
A duel on the field of honor.
That was legal? When was this?
Now, it would start as soon as one party
slapped the other one with a glove.
But the bandit fled,
never to be seen again.
And with time, my anger subsided.
Oh, it's you in the story!
Yes! He must have seen me
in the nominee announcement.
He came here to kill me!
Why not just go home so he can't slap you?
Are you very stupid?
I wanted to see you guys win!
Aw! That's so stupid.
Sheila, Sheila!
You are the breakout star of the night,
and we wanna incorporate you
into the big, physically demanding
song and dance number.
Do you wanna do it,
or is there some reason you can't?
What's a good Mom story I could tell?
Summer camp? I don't think so.
You'll be spending the summer with Mother
at the Arianna Huffington
Empowerment Retreat
for the Unapologetically Annoying.
Good news, Lincoln!
He put up a fight,
but I got the dean of your college
to let me be your RA!
Lincoln, guess what?
The doctor gave me pills
that'll make sure you never get pubes.
What? Mom only implied
that she didn't want me to have pubes.
What's up, ass-face?
Guess who dropped six figures
at Chingles Hologram Supply
to make your mom say anything I want?
This Godzilla-dicked humpmaster.
You think a little speech
is gonna do anything?
Tonight is mine.
Steve, this is weird, even for you.
You have a wife and kids and stuff,
and I think I'm realizing
that you can't really make that thing
say anything worse
than what I'm already dealing with.
Oh yeah? What about this?
Lincoln, I just want you to know,
I'm proud of you, no matter what.
Wait, that's it! I'll just lie.
Thanks, Steve.
Oh, uh…
What a nerd. Right, Pringus and Bench?
Uh, yeah. Whatever, man.
Good luck with the hologram or whatever.
You embarrassed me!
Hey, everyone,
guess who didn't wash their hands!
Welcome back to the GG Awards!
Now, for a special treat,
we've got a musical tribute
to, you're not gonna believe this,
lawyers!
And the award
for best surprise witness…
For the best supporting bartender…
And the award
for best objection goes to…
Samson the Gorilla!
Mr. O'Raviolio!
Kyle and Skyle Munt!
Ah!
And then Mom said,
"Lincoln, of course I'll give you a hug."
"I'm not embarrassed to do that
in front of the mailman."
No, that's too outlandish.
So, where do you think Sheila's been
this whole time?
There she is.
And now it is finally time
for the in memoriam reel,
followed, of course,
by Steve Nichols's five-star,
three-ring salute to Marcia Gumb.
And I'm told we're also gonna get a speech
from Marcia's butler, Clinton Jellybean?
It's the opposite ♪
Overture ♪
What goes up must come down… ♪
All right, it's funny,
it's sweet, it's sad.
It's complete horseshit. This'll work.
Jesus, this is horrific.
Yeah, a lot of people seem
to die around us.
They're two different things… ♪
-Are you okay? You look a bit off.
-I'm great.
I have a speech
that's a real tribute to my mom.
Good! Then you can work for me
and stop associating
with these disgusting clients
and inane colleagues
like your mom always wanted.
My colleagues aren't inane.
Plus, I thought you said
Mom would be proud of what I'm doing.
What you're doing. Winning!
She'd be ashamed
of who you're doing it with.
-It's the opposite overture… ♪
-Uh, thank you.
Mother's still ashamed of me.
The devil still won't marry her.
Lincoln! It is your friend, Sheila!
Your pussy is broken!
What?!
Please do not yell about pussy
during the "in memoriam."
Lincoln, everyone in this life
has a broken pussy.
Some people's broken pussy
is their fear of failure.
For some, it's addiction.
Some people's broken pussy
is even a literal broken pussy.
Not me, though.
Your broken pussy is your mom.
We had a great year! We won an award!
Irene is datin' a puppet boy!
And you haven't been able to enjoy
any of it because you're too busy
trying to hide
your broken, shattered, swollen pussy,
which, again,
only you are doing and not me.
Wow! A lot of people died this year.
And now, to say a few words
about his mom, Lincoln Gumb.
My pussy hurts. Wait, I mean…
Everything I am today,
I owe to my mom, Marcia Gumb.
Aw!
And I'm a wreck.
Huh?
My whole life,
I've been trying to make the case
that she was a good mom.
She wasn't.
But she was the best lawyer
this town's ever seen.
She even made
Steve Nichols' evil ass successful.
But she didn't take care of me.
You know who does?
My weird niece, Irene,
who's as strong as an ox
and smart as two pigs.
My associate, Glem Blorchman… Over there.
Dressed like a British policeman.
He's been hiding all night,
wearing costumes,
I assume because he didn't want
to embarrass me in front of you,
my mom's peers.
But he doesn't embarrass me. He rules.
And most of all, my intern, Kevin,
who I forgot to invite to this.
But also, Sheila Dr. Duncanstein-Flambé.
In conclusion,
I'm done putting my mom on a pedestal.
But all of you should.
She'd sacrifice anything
for the legal profession.
I'm the proof.
So shove your GGs up your ass.
We're leaving.
I hate my mom! And my kids.
I sent my son to a boarding school
because I couldn't remember his name
and I didn't wanna ask.
We have not
had sex with each other.
And I have to confess,
I'm in love with you, Irene Gumb.
This cad Gordo doesn't appreciate you.
Leave him and be with me!
Oh, Patrick, I will!
Mmm!
Oh yeah, here's Steve Nichols
and his stupid hologram or whatever.
Sometimes the law can get you down ♪
Can make you weep, can make you frown ♪
-But where to turn in dark of night… ♪
-Boo!
To help you with your legal plight ♪
Nichols and Gumb… ♪
Are two things in your pocket ♪
Come on, guys. Let's get some
frosty chocolate milkshakes.
All right, now that that's over,
the award for Firm of the Year goes to…
…Gumb and Flambé!
Go ahead. I don't need it anymore.
Congratulations, Sheila,
and now, enjoy your ceremonial victory lap
on the mechanical bull!
Wha…
-Watch Bull! Watch Bull! ♪
-I'm the greatest!
You know, Lincoln,
you taught me somethin'.
You can run your whole life, but
Well, well, well.
If it ain't Glem Blorchman,
or should I say Glen Blakeman?
Wow, you did a bad job changing your name
in two different ways.
Glen Blakeman was the fake one.
Enough! I know you're carrying, Glen.
Let's do this. Cold clams.
Glem, you don't have to!
I do, Irene.
Like your uncle said,
some wrongs gotta be righted.
You win, Glem.
[gasping Tell my son
to use offer code dad50
for a bonus bet on…
…dog houses ports book.com.
You stupid son of a bitch.
I wasn't scared of duelin' because of you.
I just didn't want
to have to wake back up the killer in me.
Patrick, no!
-I've seen a hand… ♪
-We did it, y'all!
-I've seen a vision… ♪
-Honestly, whatever at this point.
It was reaching through the clouds ♪
To risk a dream… ♪
He's dead.
-Good night, sweet Patrick.
-A shadow crossed the sky… ♪
All right, Gordo, we're through.
-And it crashed into the ground… ♪
-Holy shit! Glem, you killed the bandit!
-Just like a beast… ♪
-I was the bandit.
The old man's back again… ♪
Up next, the television event
you've been waiting for.
After ten epic years of crushing lawsuits,
rocking designer suits,
and peeping ladies in birthday suits,
the lawyer princes of Carson City,
Pringus and Bench,
are riding off into the sunset.
But not before one last wild romp.
Don't go anywhere, losers.
It's the series finale
of Pringus & Bench.
Teardrops burned her cheeks ♪
For she'd thought she'd heard ♪
The shadow had left this land ♪
The old man's back again ♪
The old man's back again ♪
The crowds just gathered ♪
Their faces turned away ♪
Chirp.