The Doomies (2026) s01e09 Episode Script

1
[Mordam] You really thought
you could help the boy.
[cackles]
And I will still allow you to live?
[grunting, screams]
The ritual must be stopped…
[dark shadows cackling]
…at all costs.
[cackling continues]
[speaking in unknown language]
[speaking in unknown language]
That makes more sense.
[Bobby laughs]
Who's got two thumbs
and soon-to-be two uncursed arms?
Uh, this guy.
All we gotta do is complete the ritual,
disconnect my soul from Mordam's,
and I'll get my old life back.
By old life,
you mean that of a boring tweenager?
A tween can dream. [sighs]
Keep that hope alive, Bobby,
'cause soon there'll be no more Mordam.
[chuckles] Oh, it's even fun to say.
No more Mordam. No more Mordam.
No more Mordam.
Mor-Mor-Mor-Mor-Mor… [laughs]
Done! I've finished
translating the incantation.
So, what happens now?
We can commence the ritual
once you've found me some sea salt,
four trumpet of death mushrooms,
and five pieces of coal.
[both] Hmm.
Oh, and some brussels sprouts.
I'll stay here and rehearse the spell.
Only an experienced lighthouse keeper
can recite it "collectly."
Uh, I mean, correctly. [grunts]
Bobby's life is on the line here.
-[whispering] You can't mess this up.
-[gulps]
I'm sure you'll slay this like a boss.
Right, Doug?
[gulps]
Hmm.
[grunts] Come on, Doug. You can do this.
It's easy for you to say.
Could use a hand.
[gasps] Hold on.
Hmm, no, no. [grunts] Read that one later.
Aha! That's it.
Why had I never thought of this before?
Hmm. How am I gonna recreate that?
And now for the moment of truth.
[chanting in unknown language]
Hmm.
[screaming, grunting]
It's like ripping off a Band-Aid.
You gotta go fast.
-[grunts]
-Get off me.
[grunts] You're the one
that's on top of me.
You get off.
-Help.
-There's mustard in my eye.
[both straining]
-[gasps]
-[gasps] Incredible.
Not so bad yourself.
[both chuckle]
[Romy] I'm not saying
I don't think Doug can do it,
but, yeah, I don't think Doug can do it.
It's best not to have any expectations.
He's the best lighthouse keeper we know.
He's the only one we know.
So it's a low bar,
but he passed it with flying colors.
He's got this.
[grunting]
[grunts] I haven't played this game
in years.
I can never find a worthy adversary.
Focus, Doug. Time is of the essence.
[bell rings]
[dog barking]
[granny] Brussels sprouts
and a little kouign-amann cake
thrown in for free.
-[sighs] A great start to a great day.
-[seagull squawking]
Huh?
Hmm.
[Romy sighs] Trumpets of death mushrooms?
[scoffs] Couldn't Doug
have used button mushrooms?
-[laughs] Yeah! Yeah!
-[siblings laughing, cheering]
Hmm.
-[whistle blows]
-[siblings laughing]
-Found 'em.
-[siblings chuckle]
[Romy] Good job, sis.
-[Romy's siblings] Please.
-[Romy sighs]
Just don't cash in these IOUs all at once.
[Kim grunts]
You have no idea what
I went through to get this.
I need some sea salt.
What's the magic word?
[chuckles]
Okay. Just missing coal.
Uh, where are we gonna find that?
I know where to go.
And Doug's counting on us,
so we better hurry.
[Doug] Enough fun and games.
We've wasted valuable time,
and Bobby's life is on the line.
We need more help.
[chanting in unknown language]
That should do it.
Now, let's rehearse the incantation.
Wait. Hold up.
Remember what Mrs. Josette used to say?
What, our old
fifth-grade drama schoolteacher?
"Calling you useless is
an insult to useless people."
[stammers] No.
The other thing that she used to say.
"The play begins
once you put on your costume."
-Hmm?
-Too loud.
Too somber.
-Ew.
-Too last summer.
[groans]
The old, abandoned mine.
There must be coal in here.
You couldn't have found
some place a little less,
oh, you know, I-I don't know,
old abandoned "mine-y"?
Since when are you scared of the dark?
It's just that… [whimpers]
Uh-oh.
Hmm. There aren't any monsters.
You sure your arm
ain't broke or something?
Hey!
Isn't that how you fix broken stuff?
[sighs] You sure about this, Bobby?
Yeah. Monster or no monster,
we can't stop now.
Uh, yeah, quick question.
But do any of us
actually know how to mine?
Well, we are minors.
[chuckles] Am I right?
[chuckles] It's 'cause, like, minors as,
like, kids minors and,
uh, not like miners…
[grunts] …with a pickax.
I think your joke was so bad,
your shadow just face-palmed.
Ha ha. Whatever, Romy.
[dark shadow cackles]
Why don't you show your face?
[cackling, muttering]
[grunting, straining]
[both] No!
[grunting]
[grunting continues]
-Kim! [grunts]
-Kim!
[growling]
[grunts]
[whimpers]
[squeals]
What are those things?
These creatures don't hide in the shadows.
They are the shadows.
We need to get back into the light.
-What about the coal?
-There's no time.
These leeches are draining my battery.
-Run!
-[Bobby yelps]
How much further to the exit?
I don't know. Kim,
you think we're still far from the exit?
Don't ask me. It's your abandoned mine.
So no one knows where the exit is?
[dark shadows cackling]
Oh, yeah. Yeah, right.
Laugh it up. [exclaims]
Seriously?
Look.
Coal! I knew this would be a good day.
Oh. [spitting]
The tracks!
They've gotta lead to a way out.
[dark shadows cackling]
-[cackling continues]
-[screams]
[groans]
[Bobby, Romy screaming]
[dark shadows growling, muttering]
-[both screaming]
-[grunts]
[grunts]
-And the battery's dead.
-Hmm?
[dark shadows growling]
Aha! As long as there's light,
there's hope.
[phone beeping]
Hmm? [groans]
Really gotta work on my timing.
-[dark shadows muttering]
-[grunting]
[both] Kim!
[both whimpering]
[Romy shrieks]
[shrieks, gasps]
[dark shadows muttering]
Nightfall's coming.
We need to hurry.
[Doug humming]
[vocalizing]
[slurps, exhales deeply]
-Okay, "every-me." Quiet, please.
-[all] Hmm?
I have to concentrate now.
[chanting in unknown language]
[coughing, clears throat]
[chanting in unknown language,
clears throat]
[grunting] That's better.
-[chuckles]
-Hey! What do you think you're doing?
Improving the feng shui around here.
Facing north? I don't think so.
[scoffs] "Facing north."
Listen to you. That's hogwash.
The feng shui is better this way, guys.
Stop messing with those candles!
[screams] My eyes! It burns!
[all screaming]
[all screaming, grunting]
[clattering]
[screaming, grunting continues]
No, stop it! [grunting]
[chanting in unknown language]
[gasps]
[sighs]
[all panting]
Doug, you better be ready! [gasps]
-Doug?
-Doug?
-Doug!
-Doug?
[Bobby] Doug?
[Doug] I'm sorry, Bobby. I can't do this.
You can't put your life
in the hands of someone
who can't even sweep the floor properly.
Maybe Mrs. Josette was right.
Maybe Shakespeare
never wrote anything as tragic as me.
[sighs] Listen, Doug.
We're being chased by monsters,
so we don't have time
to talk about Mrs. Josette.
[stammers] I don't even know who she is.
What I mean is, I believe in you.
The darkness is setting in.
The shadow creatures
will be here any second now.
Doug, you need to start the ritual, stat.
[chuckles]
[child cries]
Four pieces of coal. No, no, it's five.
No, no, it's four.
[glass shatters]
[gasps] I'll set up guard outside the door
while you prep the ritual.
I'll come with you.
[screams]
[electricity humming]
Sisters-in-arms.
[dark shadows muttering]
We've got company.
[muttering continues]
[gasps]
[dark shadows groaning]
[gasps]
[electricity crackles]
-Huh? [gasps]
-[gasps]
[inhales deeply, sighs]
[grunts]
[Doug grunting]
Why aren't you using
the stuff we brought you?
Oh, no.
[stammers] I was looking
at my recipe for chocolate éclairs.
[titters]
[clicks tongue] Ah, hey. It happens.
[yelps]
[yelps]
Circle of protection. Check.
Runic diagrams drawn with
the trumpet of death spores. Check.
Coal to filter impurities. Check.
Last but not least,
an offering of brussels sprouts.
The most evilest,
vilest vegetable of them all.
-[chuckles]
-[breathes deeply, sneezes]
[clicks tongue] Ah, hey. It happens.
[screams]
[screams]
[Romy exclaims]
[groans, grunts]
[screaming]
[clears throat] Okay, breathe.
[inhales deeply] You got this.
[exhales deeply]
[chanting in unknown language]
Or is it… [speaks in unknown language]
[sighs] Gee.
Oh, hey. It happens.
People forget
ancient incantations all the time.
[grunting]
We can't hold them back much longer.
There's an emergency generator
in the cellar.
You go. I'll create a diversion.
Go!
You want a piece of the chosen one?
Come get me.
[dark shadows growling]
[screams, grunts]
[groans]
[straining]
[chanting in unknown language]
[gasps] It's working.
[gasps]
[as Mrs. Josette] How sweet.
Little Dougie has finally
learned his lines.
Mrs. Josette?
Oh, and perceptive too.
You always were a useless oaf.
And what's with that horrible outfit?
Huh?
[panting, whimpers]
[sighs] Oh, come on. Come on.
You can't even memorize three lines,
and now, you think you can save the world?
No. You're not the real Mrs. Josette.
It's a trick.
Oh, but it is real.
She's in here with us,
and we're all laughing
at your incompetence.
[cackles]
[sighs]
[chanting in unknown language]
[screams]
[panting]
[as Master] You've come a long way.
I'm impressed.
Master?
If only you had applied yourself
back in the day,
maybe then you wouldn't have
dropped a piano on my head.
The worst of it is that I saw you try.
I know you did your best,
but some people are destined
to be failures all their lives.
-[gasps]
-[dark shadows whispering]
[grunting]
Come on, Romy.
[dark shadows whispering]
[Kim groaning]
[gasps, groans]
[dark shadows whispering]
[generator beeping]
[generator starts]
[electricity crackles]
-[growls, exclaims]
-[dark shadows screaming]
[sighs]
-[Bobby] Doug?
-Hmm?
Bobby?
[Bobby] Um, is it over?
Am I finally free?
I think so. Yes. [sighs]
[Bobby groaning, cackles]
[gasps]
[cackling]
[as Mordam] Did you really
think it would be that easy?
Mordam?
When I'm through with this marionette,
it's you I'll string up next.
-[cackles]
-No. No, no, no.
Oh, I'm coming for you, Doug.
And there's nothing you can do.
Face it.
Nobody believes in you.
[chuckles]
No. You're wrong.
Bobby believes in me.
[grunts]
[chanting in unknown language]
[as Mrs. Josette] You'll never make it!
You're a useless loser!
[chanting in unknown language]
[as Master] I'm ashamed of you!
You're a freak of nature!
[chanting in unknown language]
[as Mordam] Shut your mouth! Stop it!
[chanting in unknown language]
[screaming, groaning]
[panting]
No! No, no, no, no.
[sobs] I had a feeling
this was gonna happen.
Bobby, you were the most important
person in the whole world to me.
[cries] And I wanted to tell you,
but I couldn't.
And now it's too late.
I'm so sorry.
[groans] Sorry?
[groans] What for?
[gasps] Bobby!
Sorry for not telling me that I'm
the most important person in the world?
-[giggles]
-In your dreams.
[Kim] My face!
[cries] It's melting. [whimpers]
No, Kim. Those are just tears.
Happy tears.
How do you make it stop?
[whimpers]
You did it, Doug.
No more Mordam.
No more Mordam!
No more Mordam!
[all] No more Mordam!
No more Mordam!
No more Mordam! No more Mordam!
[screaming]
[theme song playing]