The Librarians: The Next Chapter (2025) s01e09 Episode Script

1
[Cawing]
[Hissing]
You shouldn’t be out after dark.
Don’t you know what town this is?
Yes, run. We enjoy it.
Perhaps it is you who should
not be out after dark.
Yes, run!
[Grunting]
Well, well, well, well.
No, no, no, no, no!
Please, please, please!
It was just a joke. See? Eh?
Fake vampires? Tourists.
Ivan:
The festival has only begun.
There is a vampire in this town
and we are going to find him.
[Music playing]
Charlie: The Talisman of Ordo
goes under jewelry.
And the Dancing Dragon’s pearl flute,
file it under musical instruments.
This is the epitome of dullness.
We should be out there right now
fighting evildoers.
That pendulum
is going to go off any minute.
The pendulum hasn’t gone off
in over a week.
Look, I don’t like doing this
just as much as you do,
but we have to get it done.
and for the last time,
stop playing with
the Golden Banshee of Kearny.
What happens
if the banshee banshees?
Well, technically,
heads could explode.
Which is why Mrs. Astolat wants everything
safely stored in the main library.
Bleh! The artifacts are fine
and Elaine can kiss my Astolat.
Wait, circle back. What do we do with the ones
that could make your head explode?
Those are filed
in the restricted section,
with fail-safes placed over them
so they can’t cause trouble if they get out.
Fail-safes? Like what?
Well, the Golden Banshee
will go in a soundproof box.
Medusa’s head
will have a bag over it.
We’re not idiots.
What’s idiotic is that you promised that
before the six months Stone gave you was over,
you’d catalog all these artifacts and
put them back where they belong.
Almost over,
but we’ve only been here
Uh, can Connor and I take this
to Mrs. Astolat in the main library?
- We’ve never been.
- For good reason.
You are not a Librarian.
Security will have your head.
Ah, remind me.
Down the left hall,
third door on the right.
- Sorry, which door? Thank you.
- Third door on the right.
Wow, has it really
almost been six months?
Yeah, feels like
we just got started.
And when it’s over, you two
will go back to your normal lives,
and Vik will just become
another artifact in the Library.
Hmm.
The future waits for no man.
That reminds me,
I have to go wait for my broker.
You selling the castle?
Like your friend
Suki suggested?
Uh, yeah.
I know she didn’t express it
the right way, but she had a point.
This can’t go on forever.
So we have to plan.
I have an IPO to launch.
It needs capital
to get off the ground,
and this is a once
in a lifetime opportunity.
Got it. We’ll stay out of your way
when the broker’s here.
Excuse me. Sorry.
I didn’t think you’d be so eager
to break up the band.
Who said anything
about breaking up the band?
I’m gonna need high-level
security for my company.
I’m a Guardian.
Yeah, but who are you gonna guard
if Vikram’s stuck in the Library?
Think about it, okay?
[Whirring]
You know you’re setting that for a basement
in Queens right now.
- It’s not what it looks like.
- It looks like after realizing
our time in the Library is limited,
you’re using the door to go somewhere
you’ll never have a chance to go again.
Okay, it is what it looks like.
- You can’t just run off somewhere.
- Why not?
Lysa’s off doing the broker thing.
The pendulum’s quiet.
You want to come?
Once in a lifetime opportunity.
I can’t. I have to make sure
Vikram finishes cataloging.
- Finally making progress.
- [Clattering]
Vikram: Aah! Charlie!
We have to do that last box again.
- [Clattering]
- Last three, actually.
Curious, where’d you say
you’re going again?
- Welcome to Kisiljevo.
- It’s a village festival. Cute.
It’s not just a village festival.
- It’s a vampire festival.
- Man: And here you will see
a large assortment of garlic pastries,
because nothing wards off
a bloodsucker like bad breath.
Garlic, fangs, t-shirts that say
"I went to a vampire festival
and all I got was this neck wound
and strange bout of anemia"?
Kisiljevo is the birthplace of vampires.
- The birthplace?
- Yup.
This town has the first
recorded sighting of a vampire
way back in the 1700s.
In fact, "vampyr," no "E",
is the most well-known
Serbian word in the world.
I thought vampires
were older than that.
- What about Dracula?
- Yeah, he was a vampire.
But they didn’t write about him
until the 1800s as a fictionalized novel.
The first recorded newspaper article
of a vampire was in Kisiljevo,
when a farmer, Petar Blagojavic, died,
was buried,
and then walked into his house and demanded
his wife give him a new pair of shoes.
- It’s quite a story.
- I know. I wrote a paper on it.
The townsfolk
dug him up the next day,
put a stake through his heart,
chopped his head off--
due diligence--
and that was that.
No, it wasn’t. Otherwise, the paper
would be really short.
Yeah. I dug up records in the following months
and years of deaths that fit a pattern.
I posited that Petar Blagojavic
was still among us.
- And then?
- And then I lost all credibility
and was laughed out of Stuttgart.
Man: Bloody snow cones!
- Hey, blood snow cone?
- Yeah.
- Actually, it’s cherry.
- It better be.
- For you?
- Yes, please. Thank you.
- All right.
- Both: Cheers.
Garlic! Garlic!
Don’t miss the garlic!
Hey, hey! My friend. Come, come,
come, come. Come here.
- Ah.
- Look, look, look. Look what I have.
- Ooh, it’s pungent, yeah.
- Do you know where--
Yeah, it’s there.
Mm. No, sorry.
How much for this one?
5,000?
This book’s, like,
50 years out of date.
That’s how you kill a vampire.
- 500.
- It’s not even hardwood.
Come on, come on. 300?
300? It’s a bargain.
[Snarling]
You know,
thanks for inviting me today.
It’s been a really nice break.
- But
- Oh, there’s a but? No buts, please.
But I don’t think you’re
gonna find your vampire here.
At least not in the middle of the day
amongst all these tourists.
Actually, there are rumors of a commune
of daywalking vampires in California.
But if you did find one,
you could rub it in the face
of all those academics
who booted you.
The thought had occurred to me.
And now we go to the Kisiljevo Keep.
Please keep up.
They cut my pay
if one of you gets eaten.
So is that what you’re gonna do
once the six months is up?
- Back to academia?
- It would be amazing
if we could stay with the Library,
but that’s not gonna happen.
I burned my online following.
If Academia was forced to take me seriously,
at least I’d have that.
You know? What about you?
You gonna be Lysa’s head of security?
To be honest, I hadn’t even thought about
leaving Vikram until she brought it up.
Even if Jacob Stone and the other Librarians
stick him on a shelf?
If anyone could get in trouble
just sitting on a shelf
[Phone vibrating]
Speaking of.
It’s Mrs. A, and she’s using
a lot of capital letters.
- Oh.
- We should get back.
You know where
we came in the door?
Yeah, just inside the castle keep
near the vampire memorabilia room.
Ooh. I’m gonna run back
and get a snow cone. You want one?
Uh, yeah.
Extra bloody, please.
I’ll text Lysa we’re on our way.
No way.
Aah! Aah!
- Connor? Connor?
- There you are.
Mrs. A was getting rather piqued
you weren’t here to correct my alphabetizing,
even though the alphabet
hasn’t changed!
- Connor, is he here?
- I thought he was with you.
He was. I lost him.
I knew he’d never come through
the magic door without me.
But I’ve searched
all of Kisiljevo. He’s nowhere.
You’ve been to Kisiljevo?
I didn’t know what it was
until I got there.
But it was fun.
There was snow cones and t-shirts.
And we got separated and now
he’s not answering his phone.
Are you telling me you went
to the birthplace of vampires
- and did not take any vampire protection?
- No.
A crossbow, a vial
of holy water, a stake?
Ooh, I did buy this.
It’s not even hardwood.
Where’s Lysa?
She is selling off the last
of her family inheritance.
You’re stuck with me. Ah.
- Oh.
- We still have a few hours of daylight left.
Hopefully we can get Connor before that town
turns into a blood-soaked bacchanalia.
No.
Hmm. Ha!
Needs sharpening.
Well, we have a lot to do here.
- You’re Lysa?
- Uh, yeah.
I’m from the agency.
Um, do you know what this stone is?
Uh, no. I’m not sure.
Not a problem.
We can just ask the builder.
It’s a castle.
The builder’s been dead
for nearly a millennia.
Original stonework.
That’s how we’ll put it in the listing.
Yeah. Thank you so much for coming.
I can appreciate that there aren’t
many buyers for a castle,
especially one without modern wiring,
plumbing, heating,
cooling, or insulation.
But don’t forget what it does have.
Drafts, mold, a working museum--
which is unique to say the least.
Don’t worry.
We’ll turn every minus into a plus.
Shall we start with the turrets?
Uh
[Coughing]
It’s all right.
It’s all right.
It’s a sports drink.
Electrolytes.
You’ll need them. See?
Wait, wait.
Who are you? Where am I?
I’m Petar, and, well, this--
this is my place.
You took a nasty blow
to your head.
Charlie. My friend.
- Where is she?
- Yeah, your phone took a nasty blow, too,
- and you were alone when you fell.
- I fell?
I was climbing the wall
because I saw
- I saw you.
- What, me?
No, no, no, no, no.
I just found you.
That’s it.
So, um-- oh, jeez!
I’m so sorry.
I didn’t mean to scare you.
Usually, I stay in my apartment
during the festival,
but I ran out of O-positive,
and corn chips.
So I nipped out in the afternoon shadows
to the store.
With all those vampire hunters out there
this year, it seemed the safest.
You’re a vampire?
A real one?
Shh. You really think Mrs. Kulik upstairs
needs to know that?
- Just, uh-- just stay back.
- Oh, come on.
Listen, you’re the one
who chased after me.
I thought you might be
a vampire hunter,
and I hissed a little
and scared you.
- And you fell.
- So a vampire saved my life?
Well, yeah.
Well, technically, yes.
A vampire who’s a real sneakerhead.
Stokerian lore says as a vampire must
maintain a connection to their homeland.
Dracula famously traveled
with Transylvanian dirt.
That always seemed like a lot to me.
I just keep a lease.
- You’re from Kisiljevo?
- Mm-hmm.
So you’re not just a vampire.
You’re Petar Blagojavic,
who rose from the dead
and asked his wife
for his pair of shoes!
You’re the first vampire
ever recorded.
- That is so cool!
- Yes, yes.
- Suck it, Stuttgart!
- Uh, please sit.
Um, I am the first vampire,
and I’m afraid you will soon
become the latest.
What do you mean?
Well, you fell really,
really, really hard.
And I thought the only way
to save you was,
well, you know
You bit me?
- The
- [Gasping]
Wait, hold-- hold on.
There’s only one hole.
I only got one fang. See?
The other one was removed,
like, ages ago.
In the late Victorian era,
when vampires were all the rage,
there were rumors that taking out
a vampire’s tooth would cure them.
Yeah, it didn’t work, unfortunately.
It only cured the cure.
Um, corn chip?
Right. Where are we?
Just inside the gate to the keep.
The festival’s down
in the main square.
- Festival?
- Yeah.
Why anyone would celebrate
a vampire is beyond me.
They are not happy little elves
leaving pots of gold
or intoxicating drinks. No.
If you ever met a vampire,
you would be eaten.
Yeah, well, I’m really hoping that’s
not what happened to Connor.
Vampires can’t go out in the open.
If he has been taken,
he’s being held inside,
assuming he hasn’t been
exsanguinated already.
Yeah, well,
let’s assume he hasn’t.
Why did you go with Connor, anyway?
Impulse. I shouldn’t
have abandoned you.
Leaving me to Mrs. A’s infernal devices.
That’s not what I mean.
You’re my charge, sir,
the one I’m meant to protect,
and now you’re in just
as much jeopardy as he is.
- Charlie, I appreciated your--
- Lysa offered me a job.
There’s something
I should tell you.
There is someone behind you right now
about to put a bag over your head.
What did you mean when
you said removing the teeth
- cured the cure?
- Right, so-- oh, jeez.
Man, I bit my lip. Happens all the time.
So where were we?
Oh, yes, vampire physiology.
So with both teeth,
you can recirculate the blood,
meaning you can drink without
turning anyone into a vampire.
With one tooth, no recirculation,
so baby vampire.
I haven’t bitten anyone since blood banks
were invented, so it was moot until now.
Yeah, I didn’t know that,
and I know a lot about vampires.
Well, I suppose it’s tough
to study vampiric bodily systems
since we turn into ash
when we die.
It doesn’t leave a lot to dissect.
Are you sure you don’t want any food?
You’re gonna be starving
once you change completely.
- Wait, hold on, am I not a vampire yet?
- You are.
It’s just your vampirism isn’t permanent
until the first nightfall.
Most of the people get bitten at night,
so this isn’t an issue.
So there’s a window.
I still have time to go to the Library
- and maybe find a way
- Are you mad?
It’s still day outside.
We’ll both burn up.
Well, I can’t just sit here
and wait to develop
- an insatiable blood lust.
- Listen, I’m sorry, okay?
I’m so sorry, but without my other tooth,
there’s nothing we can do.
Please, let’s just-- listen.
Let’s just chill.
Watch some TV.
I have more snacks.
Do you have any idea
what happened to your tooth?
Actually, I do.
Yeah.
Are you all right, sir?
Other than these cursed bindings, fine.
Do not worry.
Soon enough, you will be free
of all your curses.
Hello, vampyr.
What is this madness?
I, a vampire?
He’s not.
He’s a normal person.
Piff and tosh, I tell you.
Okay, normal might be a stretch,
but he’s not a vampire.
Silence, little familiar.
We know you’re on his thrall.
- His what?
- You called him sir,
spoke of your lifetime
of devotion and service.
Having someone pledge eternal loyalty
does not make me a vampire.
You speak like a vampyr.
Dress like a vampyr.
Your coat.
[Whimpers]
Stanislav and Sons, Belgrade.
Stanislav and Sons closed
in the late 19th century.
Damn. I’ll never get
those cuffs adjusted.
Isn’t there a simpler way
to test if he’s a vampire?
- Hmm.
- A stake.
Stab him.
And if he turns to dust,
he’s a vampire.
And if I don’t,
I’m still alarmingly dead.
The sun.
It’s still daylight.
You take me outside
and this will all be settled very quickly.
It’s a trick.
He must be able to walk in the day.
- Like "Blade."
- Or "Twilight."
- Or "The Vampire Diaries."
- What nonsense do you speak of?
Vampires cannot walk in the sun.
Actually, sir, there’s rumors
of a commune in California.
Not helping.
Connor:
Dude, these cloaks are amazing.
Is it a Minerva shroud
imbued by a witch?
Do you know how much
Minerva shroud costs?
Nah, this is the same material
as my blackout curtains.
And they work great.
See? No sun gets through.
You know, I never thought
how modern tech
improved the lives of the undead.
Yeah. My favorite?
Shock absorbing insoles.
They’re like magic.
You know,
I have a friend who says
magic is just science
we don’t understand yet.
I wonder what she’ll make
of my imminent vampirism.
You shouldn’t tell your friends
about what’s happening.
My friends are smart.
They can help.
When I changed, nobody knew
what was going on, least of all me.
My friends tried to help and I--
I just couldn’t control myself.
And you won’t be able to either.
So if you truly care about them,
until we retrieve my tooth,
it’s better to keep your distance.
Then let’s get that tooth.
You sure you know where you’re going?
Of course. I traded my tooth
for safe passage across a bridge.
Who do you trade a tooth to
at a bridge?
Unless they live under the bridge.
No way.
We’re gonna meet a troll?
- Petar: You’re getting way too excited.
- [Connor laughs]
I have a plan.
We find a way to distract
the extremely serious leader
and you take out
the rest of them one by one.
Why didn’t you react
when I told you Lysa offered me a job?
This is hardly the time.
You also didn’t seem at all worried
about Lysa selling the castle.
I don’t care what Lysa does with the castle.
It’s hers.
It’s your access to the Annex.
Do you know something
about our future I don’t?
We have agreed on an appropriate test
of your vampiric nature.
Oh, God, not garlic.
The pungent flavoring
of the peasantry.
Charlie:
May I interject?
We’ve been tied to these chairs
for a while now
and I really need
to use the bathroom.
- Don’t pull that with us.
- I may be enthralled, but my bladder isn’t.
I need to go.
- What are you doing?
- Executing your plan.
- Ow.
- Not ow. Say ahh.
Well, you could at least make it
a choo-choo train, hmm?
Ahh
[Grunting]
No funny business.
Just regular business.
Charlie:
What’s with these small-minded men?
It’s bloodlust this, bloodlust that.
Do you ever get a vacation?
A break?
- [Grunts]
- A boot up the side of the head?
Connor: You sure
this is the right bridge?
It’s pretty quiet out here.
Petar: Sure, I’m sure.
I mean, it is a little
bit hard to see through,
what is this--
sports section?
But you never forget
a bridge you had to cross
in the dead of night
during World War II.
- Running from the Germans?
- No, no.
No, I was shaving
ten minutes off my commute.
Of course I was running
from the Wehrmacht.
You’ve seen quite a lot
in your time, haven’t you?
Look, if this doesn’t work out,
it isn’t so bad being a vampire.
I mean, your life’s your own,
and you get to travel.
- I’ve been everywhere.
- Huh.
I know I come off
as a go with the flow type,
but there are things I’d miss.
I finally got to a place
where I feel I should be
with a great group
of people, and
It doesn’t matter,
’cause I don’t get to have
that future anyway.
Well, the future doesn’t worry me.
If I miss out on something,
I’m just patient.
- Huh.
- [Rumbling]
Whoa, whoa.
Definitely the right bridge.
Connor:
Whoa! Chill, man. Chill.
How dare you disturb my peace,
you peace disturber?
- We just have a question.
- Question?
I don’t answer questions.
I stomp and I crush bones
and, uh, uh
Do you, uh,
need a minute or--
I’m sorry, man.
I haven’t done this in a while.
Nobody comes
over this bridge anymore.
- Stupid expressway.
- Okay, I’ll make it quick.
During World War II,
you acquired a vampire fang.
I can’t even transition to the new line of work
since I lost my phone.
- New line of work?
- Yes, online trolling.
It’s the only growth industry
for us trolls, you know.
I’m sorry,
I’ll crush your bones now.
- Come on.
- How about I trade?
That’s what trolls do, right?
You could do a lot
of damage with this.
Oh, the fang.
Stolen from me ages ago.
Someone building a memorabilia collection
to attract tourists.
Now give me that phone
or I will crash your bones.
[Grunts]
It’s at the keep in Kisiljevo.
Let’s go.
No, no, no, no.
We can’t go in there.
- Drive as we talk. Let’s go.
- You don’t understand.
That’s where the vampire
hunters are holed up.
[Humming]
Hey! Hey!
This is broken!
- I will end you now!
- Just drive!
[Screaming]
Man: And now you can see
different tools people use
to try to kill the vampire of Kisiljevo.
Ooh, spooky.
Hey, um, I heard
there were vampire teeth here.
Real ones.
Well, not anymore.
So if you follow me
into the next chamber,
you’ll discover that we never called
an exterminator for our bat problem.
"F. Carsen, F. Carsen."
Flynn Carsen! The Librarian.
The tooth is in the Library.
[Sighs]
Ivan is getting anxious.
How long do women
take in the bathroom?
You can fill me in later
on what happened to you
and why you’re wearing a cloak.
Right now,
we need to save Vikram.
- Wait, Vik’s here?
- Yeah.
And for some reason,
the vampire hunters
have a hunch he’s from a different century,
and therefore undead.
- Let’s move.
- I’m sorry. I can’t help you.
What are you talking about?
I need to do something,
and you’re not gonna like it,
but if I don’t,
I could hurt you.
Connor,
why are you so afraid?
Hey, guys! She’s right here!
I’m sorry.
[Grunting]
The magic door!
I haven’t seen spiders
like that outside of the zoo!
- Yeah, the attic is--
- Infested? Don’t worry.
- We’ll use the word "rustic".
- But the rest of the place?
Oh, it’s a fixer, for sure.
But it’s--
it’s more than that.
Sure, it’s old and drafty
and rustic, but it’s also home.
- Home?
- Homey. Home-like.
You know, the place where
you feel the most yourself.
And everyone else feels the same,
and you’re just--
you’re all in it together.
But I thought
you were the sole owner.
I am. I--
But it’s like
when you’re in a band.
Ah, 36007-R, section V.
See, the buyer I had in mind
wouldn’t want to deal with multiple owners.
- You already have a buyer?
- A former client asked me
to keep an eye out
to add to his portfolio.
But I would hurry,
because he’s looking at--
[Gasps]
Is that a wine cellar?
- Wine cellars are very popular.
- No. No, no.
You don’t want to go in there.
No, it is covered in mold.
- Connor: 36007.
- Uh
Third door on the right.
It stinks.
Like, uh, bad cheese.
Come on.
Ugh.
It seems
you don’t like garlic.
Not when you keep shoving
entire bulbs in my mouth.
Am I a Sunday roast?
You’re not helping your case, vampire.
Why is there a case at all?
If it was up to me,
I would do away
with you right now.
But my fellow hunters don’t
have my natural-born instincts.
Hmph. You are as maddeningly obtuse
as you are imposingly large.
Hmm?
Ah! Natural-born instincts,
you say? How’s that?
My family has hunted vampires
for centuries,
and now it is my turn
to take up the mantle.
Living up to family expectations
can be a lot of pressure.
The name Van Helsing carries a lot of weight,
but nothing I cannot handle.
And you and your familiar
are not going to stop me--
But we can stop you finishing that sentence.
You took your time.
Nice girls chat in
the ladies retirement room?
I ran into Connor.
Something’s wrong.
He went through the magic door
and closed it behind him.
You eat the garlic.
How do we escape
if Connor locked the door?
I have a car.
What? No, no, no, no. Wait, wait, wait.
I’m not one of those guys.
I’m Petar. I’m a friend of Connor’s.
Heard you mention him.
- Are you Charlie?
- Yeah.
No, weirdly, I believe him
because of the cape.
I helped him get to the castle,
but I got worried
something happened to him
once he didn’t come out.
- Do you know where he is?
- He’s, um-- he’s not here.
- [Shouting]
- You mentioned something about a vehicle.
Yes, uh, it’s, um, this way.
- Okay.
- [Groans]
Oh, wait, no. This way.
It’s this way.
Oh, uh
- [Gasps]
- [Sword muttering]
- Oh, uh, hi.
- [Muttering]
Excalibur? Seriously?
Okay, uh, we’ll revisit this.
Do you know where I can find
row 36007-R, section V?
- [Muttering]
- Thanks.
- I think you should consider that job from Lysa.
- Why?
You asked me if I knew anything
about the future, and I do.
I don’t think the Library will have a use for you.
Neither will I.
Petar:
Um, I hate to interrupt,
but I think we’re back
where we began.
Well, these medieval castles
are always circuitous.
I remember in Blarney,
in Ireland, and I
- will save the rest of that story for later.
- It is time to end this.
[Alarm blaring]
Halt, thief.
Security really would have my head.
Flee from the Library, come to heel,
lest your head make my axe a meal.
That’s quite a rhyme,
but I’m not a thief.
I work for the Library.
Answer me these riddles three
to prove you are no enemy.
Okay, I can do riddles.
What building do you enter blind
but come out seeing?
Ooh, uh, a school.
You got to dig deeper than
ancient Sumerian to stump me.
What fruit is of greatest
use in history?
Well, the apple
is the fruit of knowledge,
but is that history or religion?
If we’re talking history,
then what dates do we include?
Dates.
The date is a fruit
with greatest use in history.
I am on a roll. Hit me!
Number three, baby, come on.
What is the chemical equation
for photosynthesis?
What? That’s not a riddle.
Uh, photosynthesis.
Uh, that’s carbon dioxide,
water, and, um
- Something happens?
- Photosynthesis.
Uh, 6H2O plus 6CO2
converted via light energy
to C6H12O6 plus 6O2.
- What?
- I saw you head to the main Library,
and I thought something was up,
so I ditched the broker.
Uh, what’s going on?
Oh, uh, just keep a distance.
- Why, are you contagious?
- No, no, no,
but I’ll be better when I get
this where it needs to be.
Okay, and what is this?
Can you just trust me
when I say it’s important?
Yeah, I mean,
of course I trust you.
Why else would
I want to hire you?
I thought that was just for Charlie.
No. No, I don’t want
to break up the band.
Speaking of,
where is everyone else?
Oh, yeah, um, they’re likely about
to be murdered by vampire hunters.
What?
- That way.
- Guide: Follow me outside
for an unscheduled
vampire beheading ceremony
that nobody at the office
told me about,
but I’m sure it’s completely safe.
Uh, Connor?
I think we might actually
want to go that way.
Outside?
Yeah, what-- what is it?
What’s wrong?
Never mind. Let’s go.
We have rooted out the festering evil
that has haunted this town
and his familiars.
- Familiars?
- Charlie: Talking about us.
Long story, but the good news
is these stocks are old and rusty.
Okay, what now? Connor?
Uh, yeah, you go distract him.
- I’m gonna go around.
- Okay.
I am not a vampire.
I am literally in the sun.
Uh, yeah.
He is literally in the sun.
That’s a bit of an anachronism.
We’ve been over this.
Daywalking vampires.
- Like "Blade."
- Or "Twilight."
Or "The Vampire Diaries."
Yeah, but light energy converts matter,
like photosynthesis.
And therefore vampires
would be affected.
- What are you talking about?
- Well, light energy passes
through the epidermis
to nerve endings with no effect.
- So, Vikram can’t be a vampire.
- Oh.
How did you know his name?
Uh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
I can explain.
- Don’t touch her.
- Oh, thank God.
I got your tooth.
I need you to bite me.
Connor, look.
No more enthralling, foul demon.
No. No.
Connor: Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Oh, no, no! No!
No, no!
No, no, no, no, no!
Not the sun. Not the sun.
Not the sun! Not the sun!
Oh, no! Not-- not the sun.
Wait, what?
Wait, why am I not
burning up in the sun?
Because you’re not a vampire.
Were you under the impression
that you were?
- Yes.
- Hmm.
- Petar told me that
- [Laughing maniacally]
I can’t believe it worked.
Thank you,
you foolish wannabe Librarian.
I’m finally back to my true self,
and just in time for night.
I’m so hungry.
Do you know how long it’s been
since I had a proper meal?
When I overheard you talk
about the Library,
I just couldn’t believe my luck.
Hunters, it is our moment.
- Charge!
- You.
[Screaming]
Van Helsing, my Astolat. Hmm?
I think we should get everyone
out of here, don’t you?
This is all my fault.
Lysa, you get them inside.
Put them in the dungeon as a fail-safe.
- Okay.
- Charlie, do you think you can get that axe?
- Yeah.
- Good. Connor and I will--
Where’s Connor?
Hey! Hey, Petar!
You want blood, right?
Take mine.
Make me a vampire, like you said.
You spent all day worrying,
afraid of turning. Why now?
First of all, no one told me
about the flying thing, which is awesome.
But I want what you have,
endless future.
Oh, Connor, you’ll make a better meal
than a roommate.
- There has to be a way to stop him.
- It’s too late.
After you, I’ll eat your friends.
Fitting that my first meal
would be from the Library,
which kept my tooth from me
for so very long.
[Squelching]
- What is this?
- It’s a fail-safe.
Of course. The Library places fail-safes
on all their artifacts
so they can’t get out
and hurt anyone.
Medusa’s head in a bag,
that kind of thing.
What better way to booby trap a tooth
than to place a capsule of cyanide in it?
Vikram:
Or in his case, holy water.
Or garlic oil.
Or a photovoltaic cell
storing solar energy.
Whatever it is, Petar,
your future ends here.
And this shall go back home
to the Library.
Great show. Great show.
Has it ended?
Because the snow cones
will sell out.
My group, follow me.
You’re lucky
this isn’t that deep.
Petar could have bit anyone
and the fail-safe would have activated.
You offered yourself up.
I wasn’t sure it was gonna work.
- Better to test it on myself.
- You need more gauze,
and slightly fewer
near-death experiences.
Yeah, it’s just not the right time.
Yeah. Okay, thanks.
Right, well, that was the broker.
I’m postponing selling the castle.
What about your IPO?
I realized that although, yes,
this is my castle, it’s also our castle.
And the decision to sell
should be made together.
But I thought the future
waits for no man.
- What, you want to join an IPO now?
- Eh.
I spent the whole day
worrying about my future.
Now I’m just happy to have one.
The Library’s
all I ever really wanted.
Gonna make the most of it
with however long we have left.
I think that’s a great idea.
Right. Petar’s tooth is back
in its rightful place.
And Mrs. A would like to take a break
from cataloguing to visit a local winery,
so what shall we do
with our newfound freedom?
- We can get some training in.
- Do we have to?
I’m your Guardian,
and I intend to be for a long time,
and you nearly being beheaded
reflects badly on me.
And what about working for Lysa?
You know,
you lied to me before.
You said you didn’t care if Lysa
sold the castle or if I took the job,
but you’re just trying to
make it easier for us to go.
- You don’t get off that easy.
- I don’t?
You’re stuck with me.
Charlie, I have to say something.
I’m going
to go hungry.
Does anyone want
that Italian delicacy, pizza?
- Mushrooms? Pepperoni?
- Ah, no thanks.
When Petar returned to dust
and you returned the tooth to the Library,
we hit up the rest of Vampire Fest.
Yeah, those bloody snow cones
are actually pretty good.
Was there before or after you buried
the ashes on consecrated ground?
- Aah! What?
- Were we supposed to do that?
- How did you not know to do that?
- Injured.
Lysa: Not in your arm.
[Muted chatter]
[Music playing]