Tom Goes to the Mayor (2004) s01e09 Episode Script
Calcucorn
0
Jefferton alive
Hi. I'm the Mayor,
and my door is always open for you!
Jefferton alive
My name is Tom Peters,
and I'm full of ideas.
Community spirit!
Hi. How are you?
Shopping!
Food!
Free to be, being free ♪
Jefferton alive
Hi there. Tom Peters.
We're here
Here stands Tom Peters
awaiting counsel from the Mayor.
Tom is a small, feminine-looking man not used to success.
Todd, just
Let's take a two on that.
More about me being an entrepreneur.
No filming in City Offices without a permit, guys.
It's OK.
I'm a filmmaker.
He's my wife's
ex-husband. He's
you know,
the father of my children.
OK, bull's-eye.
Here we go.
Mayor's office.
It's Tom Peters.
Hello, Tom.
I'm sorry about that.
Just trying to pick a new name for the bridge we're building.
Not a problem.
Just let me get some
rubbing alcohol on this.
Do you mind
if we film in here?
Tom is reduced to begging for permission
from the Mayor to film.
What if the Mayor denies him?
Tom cowers in fear waiting for an answer.
- Oh, a movie shoot.
- Well, sort of.
We're shooting a pilot
for a reality-based show
called Mister Entrepreneur.
Interesting. I like it.
Who's your leading man?
Well, the pilot features me.
We'll see how that goes.
It's just really a spec pilot for now. It's not much.
Well, in that case,
I better get into makeup.
No, it should be candid,
so you don't have to worry about that.
Tom, once again, is caught in the lion's den waiting--
I'm sorry. Cut! Cut!
All right, look.
I was really picturing
a more noir look for this location.
All right. Can we fly in some venetian blinds
and a smoke machine?
Can we get a smoke machine?
- Tom, you're doing fantastic!
- Todd, cool it!
OK, Tom,
now how can I help you?
Or what? ♪
Hang on. What was that? I'll tell you what that was. That was beautiful!
OK. Everybody just relax.
I know it's exciting being on set, but
On the show,
we watch me go through the process
of creating, selling,
and marketing a product
Right, Tom. I like it.
I like it! ♪
This is gold. This is gold.
Keep it up! Come on!
The camera loves you!
Tom, the camera loves this guy.
So I have this thing called a Calc-u-Corn.
It's a statue of a unicorn and the
and the cement base has a calculator in it.
Wonderful, Tom.
I love your ideas! ♪
And cut! That's a take.
Great work, guys.
Todd, I'm not done!
Just keep rolling.
I'm sorry about this, Mr. Mayor.
So phase two of the show would be that
we watch me
produce an infomercial.
So I'll do that tomorrow
and I wanted to see if you'd be a part of it.
Tomof course
I'll be a part of it.
Todd, looking forward to seeing
the first pass of the show.
Todd, no! Come on!
Or what? ♪
Pause it. Pause it.
Pause it right now.
Or what? ♪
What do you think, tiger?
Are we in business or what?
Well, it's not really what I had in mind.
This is fresh. This has an attitude.
I think this is the way to go.
Well, would you be up for some notes?
You know, just try and curb some of the humorous stuff.
Do you
Add a stylish touch
to your living room or desk set.
Calc-u-Corn!
It's as easy to use as a calculator.
It's light as a newborn baby.
Calculate large numbers with the help of the world's most mythical beast.
The following is a paid advertisement from Calc-u-Corn, Incorporated.
Take two.
We on?
Hello, my name is Tom Peters
and I'm standing here
with the Mayor of Jefferton.
Hi, I'm so glad to be here promoting this wonderful product with you.
Well, have you gotten a chance
to play around with the Calc-u-Corn?
Absolutely, Tom.
Tell you what I'd love to do.
Let's get some random numbers
from the audience
and give this sucker a test drive!
OK. Well, what do you say, audience?
- Seven, fifty nine!
- How about another one?
Four, eight, seven!
OK. Well,
the first thing I do is
I just plug it into any wall outlet.
Not a problem.
- Turn the on switch on.
- Of course.
Take care of that.
Now I'm gonna take the number 759
- Fine.
- And we'll hit the plus button
and after that,
I'm gonna put in 487.
And we'll press the equal sign.
Now all you do is pull the string on the back of the unicorn
and wait for your answer.
Terrific, Tom.
One-thousand five-hundred
and sixty-seven.
Can you believe that,
ladies and gentlemen?
- It's just that easy.
- It's so great!
Terrific.
Say, Tom,
I've heard that this Calc-u-Corn
can do your taxes
with the press of a button.
- Great one, Mayor.
- What?
No. I don't think so.
And I also heard it could tell time.
No, it's just a calculator.
Come on, just stick to the cards, please.
I am.
Calc-u-Corn production is underway.
Tom's plan is working,
but for how long?
Can Tom manage to hang on to the widow's peak of success
or will he tumble like a boulder
down the mountainside?
A safe man's bet is for the latter.
Todd, come on.
A little encouragement wouldn't hurt.
Let me do a quick
in-camera edit here.
- Tom, how's the movie coming along?
- OK, I guess.
It's actually a whole
heck-load of work, though.
So, how are
my Calc-u-Corns doing?
Cut! Cut! Cut!
God! I hate the lighting out here!
I wish I had a strobe light.
Yeah. This scene needs more drama.
Hold, please.
Let's reset the lights.
Guys, this scene is playing out great.
Hold that energy.
Sorry about that, Mayor.
The Calc-u-Corns are doing great.
Looks like it's gonna be
a terrific first quarter.
I just shipped out
this huge order, about 300 units.
Well, that was me.
I ordered them for the bridge people
Paul Child's
Children's Hospital
and a baker's dozen
for the City Council.
And action!
I hope they don't bite our butts.
I haven't put the corns through some of the product testing that I wanted to.
They're sort of more for kids.
Tom, don't worry.
We featured this thing on TV.
So what could possibly be wrong with it?
Cut! Cut! That is a
- That's a luncher.
- OK, let me see here.
Eight plus eight?
- Eighteen.
- Wait. What did she just say?
I was just fooling around with the Calc-u-Corn.
I put in eight plus eight
and it gave me eighteen.
No, no.
Well, that's what she's saying.
Let me crunch
some numbers here.
No, shirt. It should be more
around sixteen.
That's not good.
It's giving you eighteen?
Don't worry, Tom. I'm sure people are using these things for guestimates.
That's it, fellas.
Line her up to
- Seventy-seven.
-seventy-seven degrees.
You're on. Go.
We're on the air. Go!
- Speak!
- This just in.
The still unnamed
Jefferton bridge
is suffering one of the biggest bridging disasters in recent memory.
Construction firm
Parcel, Powell and Morland
miscalculated on a tremendous number
of structural elements.
Spokesperson from the firm
blames entrepreneur Tom Peters'
brand-new engineering device
called the Calc-u-Corn
for the mistakes.
We're also getting word that our very own
Channel 5 News technical team
has been affected by the Calc-u-Corn
which may explain some technical problems during tonight's broadcast.
But, Jan, you look terrific.
Will you stop?
We're on television.
I owe you
a romantic weekend.
Let's go live to Gulliver's
where Tom Peters
is testifying before
City Council as we speak.
Tom stands before the City Council.
His hare-brained product has ruined
literally thousands of people's lives.
A bridge connects to thin air.
A doctor
murders a patient.
How will Tom explain himself?
Can we
Can we
- Can we proceed here, please?
- Yes
- Now, then, Mr. Peters.
- If I could just
You want to go ahead,
please, and explain
why there were
no procedures set up
to prevent these errors
that apparently are in your Calc-u-Corn?
Now that's a good question!
Tom must pay the piper.
I'd love to do this as a crane shot!
Is there any way
we can get a crane in here?
Maybe a jib arm?
Maybe
Crickets!
Todd, would you please stop filming for a second!
Get the camera
out of my face!
I am so sorry, City Council.
I'm sorry I'm yelling!
You're ruining my life
with your stupid TV show!
I want you
out of my house!
I have no idea
why this thing doesn't work!
I don't know
how calculators work.
For Pete's sake,
this was just meant for children!
Not bridges or anything like that!
Maybe it was the glue!
I'm so sorry I'm yelling,
Mr. City Councilmen!
I can't stop!
Shush, Thomas.
Settle.
I think I have a solution
for both your problems.
Ladies and gentlemen
welcome to the opening
of the Tom Peters
Memorial What The Heck? Bridge.
This hilarious non-working bridge
features ten shows a day.
Now, let's watch the amazing
Diving Unicorn do his show.
The continuing journey of Mister Entrepreneur.
Will he dive head-first
into the next business venture
or will the pressure of success leave him
drowning in the deep end?
OK. Here I go.
Anyone? Anyone up there?
Todd? Come on.
This suit is making me sink.
That's the only issue
I have with it right now.
And so, in the end
Tom Peters,
marketing genius, reinventor
proved to be ahead of his time.
Bravo, Todd.
What a great movie.
I actually have
a lot of problems with it.
Would you please shut your mouth,
you son of a bitch?
to recapitalize on its true essence.
Tom Peters is
Mister Entrepreneur.
Cut! Cut! Cut!
Jefferton alive
Hi. I'm the Mayor,
and my door is always open for you!
Jefferton alive
My name is Tom Peters,
and I'm full of ideas.
Community spirit!
Hi. How are you?
Shopping!
Food!
Free to be, being free ♪
Jefferton alive
Hi there. Tom Peters.
We're here
Here stands Tom Peters
awaiting counsel from the Mayor.
Tom is a small, feminine-looking man not used to success.
Todd, just
Let's take a two on that.
More about me being an entrepreneur.
No filming in City Offices without a permit, guys.
It's OK.
I'm a filmmaker.
He's my wife's
ex-husband. He's
you know,
the father of my children.
OK, bull's-eye.
Here we go.
Mayor's office.
It's Tom Peters.
Hello, Tom.
I'm sorry about that.
Just trying to pick a new name for the bridge we're building.
Not a problem.
Just let me get some
rubbing alcohol on this.
Do you mind
if we film in here?
Tom is reduced to begging for permission
from the Mayor to film.
What if the Mayor denies him?
Tom cowers in fear waiting for an answer.
- Oh, a movie shoot.
- Well, sort of.
We're shooting a pilot
for a reality-based show
called Mister Entrepreneur.
Interesting. I like it.
Who's your leading man?
Well, the pilot features me.
We'll see how that goes.
It's just really a spec pilot for now. It's not much.
Well, in that case,
I better get into makeup.
No, it should be candid,
so you don't have to worry about that.
Tom, once again, is caught in the lion's den waiting--
I'm sorry. Cut! Cut!
All right, look.
I was really picturing
a more noir look for this location.
All right. Can we fly in some venetian blinds
and a smoke machine?
Can we get a smoke machine?
- Tom, you're doing fantastic!
- Todd, cool it!
OK, Tom,
now how can I help you?
Or what? ♪
Hang on. What was that? I'll tell you what that was. That was beautiful!
OK. Everybody just relax.
I know it's exciting being on set, but
On the show,
we watch me go through the process
of creating, selling,
and marketing a product
Right, Tom. I like it.
I like it! ♪
This is gold. This is gold.
Keep it up! Come on!
The camera loves you!
Tom, the camera loves this guy.
So I have this thing called a Calc-u-Corn.
It's a statue of a unicorn and the
and the cement base has a calculator in it.
Wonderful, Tom.
I love your ideas! ♪
And cut! That's a take.
Great work, guys.
Todd, I'm not done!
Just keep rolling.
I'm sorry about this, Mr. Mayor.
So phase two of the show would be that
we watch me
produce an infomercial.
So I'll do that tomorrow
and I wanted to see if you'd be a part of it.
Tomof course
I'll be a part of it.
Todd, looking forward to seeing
the first pass of the show.
Todd, no! Come on!
Or what? ♪
Pause it. Pause it.
Pause it right now.
Or what? ♪
What do you think, tiger?
Are we in business or what?
Well, it's not really what I had in mind.
This is fresh. This has an attitude.
I think this is the way to go.
Well, would you be up for some notes?
You know, just try and curb some of the humorous stuff.
Do you
Add a stylish touch
to your living room or desk set.
Calc-u-Corn!
It's as easy to use as a calculator.
It's light as a newborn baby.
Calculate large numbers with the help of the world's most mythical beast.
The following is a paid advertisement from Calc-u-Corn, Incorporated.
Take two.
We on?
Hello, my name is Tom Peters
and I'm standing here
with the Mayor of Jefferton.
Hi, I'm so glad to be here promoting this wonderful product with you.
Well, have you gotten a chance
to play around with the Calc-u-Corn?
Absolutely, Tom.
Tell you what I'd love to do.
Let's get some random numbers
from the audience
and give this sucker a test drive!
OK. Well, what do you say, audience?
- Seven, fifty nine!
- How about another one?
Four, eight, seven!
OK. Well,
the first thing I do is
I just plug it into any wall outlet.
Not a problem.
- Turn the on switch on.
- Of course.
Take care of that.
Now I'm gonna take the number 759
- Fine.
- And we'll hit the plus button
and after that,
I'm gonna put in 487.
And we'll press the equal sign.
Now all you do is pull the string on the back of the unicorn
and wait for your answer.
Terrific, Tom.
One-thousand five-hundred
and sixty-seven.
Can you believe that,
ladies and gentlemen?
- It's just that easy.
- It's so great!
Terrific.
Say, Tom,
I've heard that this Calc-u-Corn
can do your taxes
with the press of a button.
- Great one, Mayor.
- What?
No. I don't think so.
And I also heard it could tell time.
No, it's just a calculator.
Come on, just stick to the cards, please.
I am.
Calc-u-Corn production is underway.
Tom's plan is working,
but for how long?
Can Tom manage to hang on to the widow's peak of success
or will he tumble like a boulder
down the mountainside?
A safe man's bet is for the latter.
Todd, come on.
A little encouragement wouldn't hurt.
Let me do a quick
in-camera edit here.
- Tom, how's the movie coming along?
- OK, I guess.
It's actually a whole
heck-load of work, though.
So, how are
my Calc-u-Corns doing?
Cut! Cut! Cut!
God! I hate the lighting out here!
I wish I had a strobe light.
Yeah. This scene needs more drama.
Hold, please.
Let's reset the lights.
Guys, this scene is playing out great.
Hold that energy.
Sorry about that, Mayor.
The Calc-u-Corns are doing great.
Looks like it's gonna be
a terrific first quarter.
I just shipped out
this huge order, about 300 units.
Well, that was me.
I ordered them for the bridge people
Paul Child's
Children's Hospital
and a baker's dozen
for the City Council.
And action!
I hope they don't bite our butts.
I haven't put the corns through some of the product testing that I wanted to.
They're sort of more for kids.
Tom, don't worry.
We featured this thing on TV.
So what could possibly be wrong with it?
Cut! Cut! That is a
- That's a luncher.
- OK, let me see here.
Eight plus eight?
- Eighteen.
- Wait. What did she just say?
I was just fooling around with the Calc-u-Corn.
I put in eight plus eight
and it gave me eighteen.
No, no.
Well, that's what she's saying.
Let me crunch
some numbers here.
No, shirt. It should be more
around sixteen.
That's not good.
It's giving you eighteen?
Don't worry, Tom. I'm sure people are using these things for guestimates.
That's it, fellas.
Line her up to
- Seventy-seven.
-seventy-seven degrees.
You're on. Go.
We're on the air. Go!
- Speak!
- This just in.
The still unnamed
Jefferton bridge
is suffering one of the biggest bridging disasters in recent memory.
Construction firm
Parcel, Powell and Morland
miscalculated on a tremendous number
of structural elements.
Spokesperson from the firm
blames entrepreneur Tom Peters'
brand-new engineering device
called the Calc-u-Corn
for the mistakes.
We're also getting word that our very own
Channel 5 News technical team
has been affected by the Calc-u-Corn
which may explain some technical problems during tonight's broadcast.
But, Jan, you look terrific.
Will you stop?
We're on television.
I owe you
a romantic weekend.
Let's go live to Gulliver's
where Tom Peters
is testifying before
City Council as we speak.
Tom stands before the City Council.
His hare-brained product has ruined
literally thousands of people's lives.
A bridge connects to thin air.
A doctor
murders a patient.
How will Tom explain himself?
Can we
Can we
- Can we proceed here, please?
- Yes
- Now, then, Mr. Peters.
- If I could just
You want to go ahead,
please, and explain
why there were
no procedures set up
to prevent these errors
that apparently are in your Calc-u-Corn?
Now that's a good question!
Tom must pay the piper.
I'd love to do this as a crane shot!
Is there any way
we can get a crane in here?
Maybe a jib arm?
Maybe
Crickets!
Todd, would you please stop filming for a second!
Get the camera
out of my face!
I am so sorry, City Council.
I'm sorry I'm yelling!
You're ruining my life
with your stupid TV show!
I want you
out of my house!
I have no idea
why this thing doesn't work!
I don't know
how calculators work.
For Pete's sake,
this was just meant for children!
Not bridges or anything like that!
Maybe it was the glue!
I'm so sorry I'm yelling,
Mr. City Councilmen!
I can't stop!
Shush, Thomas.
Settle.
I think I have a solution
for both your problems.
Ladies and gentlemen
welcome to the opening
of the Tom Peters
Memorial What The Heck? Bridge.
This hilarious non-working bridge
features ten shows a day.
Now, let's watch the amazing
Diving Unicorn do his show.
The continuing journey of Mister Entrepreneur.
Will he dive head-first
into the next business venture
or will the pressure of success leave him
drowning in the deep end?
OK. Here I go.
Anyone? Anyone up there?
Todd? Come on.
This suit is making me sink.
That's the only issue
I have with it right now.
And so, in the end
Tom Peters,
marketing genius, reinventor
proved to be ahead of his time.
Bravo, Todd.
What a great movie.
I actually have
a lot of problems with it.
Would you please shut your mouth,
you son of a bitch?
to recapitalize on its true essence.
Tom Peters is
Mister Entrepreneur.
Cut! Cut! Cut!