Dan Da Dan (2024) s01e10 Episode Script

Dan Da Dan, Dan Da Dan
Dan Da Dan, Dan Da Dan, Dan Da Dan ♪
Dan Da Dan, Dan Da Dan, Dan Da Dan
Dan Da Dan, Dan Da Dan ♪
Dan Da Dan, Dan Da Dan
Dan Da Dan, Dan Da Dan, Dan Da Dan ♪
Dan Da Dan, Dan Da Dan, Dan Da Dan ♪
[rap lyrics in Japanese]
Dan Da Dan, Dan Da Dan
Dan Da Dan, Dan Da Dan, Dan Da Dan ♪
Dan Da Dan, Dan Da Dan, Dan Da Dan
Dan Da Dan, Dan Da Dan ♪
Dan Da Dan, Dan Da Dan
Dan Da Dan, Dan Da Dan, Dan Da Dan ♪
Dan Da Dan, Dan Da Dan, Dan Da Dan ♪
[rhythmic slapping]
NOTIFY BEFORE VISITING THE NURSE'S OFFICE!
GOOD HEALTH IS PRIORITY NUMBER ONE
EPISODE 10
HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A CATTLE MUTILIATION?
[woman] You better not
be playing games with me here.
I'll ask again.
[creaking]
Is someone bullying you?
[lively electronic music playing]
[all] No, ma'am.
[nurse] Hmm. I have
zero tolerance for bullying.
SCHOOL NURSE
QUEEN SENSEI
And if you were bullied,
it's not smart to keep it from me.
I'm on your side here, do you understand?
[all] Yes, ma'am.
[door opens]
Queen Sensei,
phone call for you in the staff room.
-[grunts]
-Ya bald weasel!
How many times do I have to tell you
to knock first before entering?
-[man squeals] I'm sorry, Queen Sensei!
-[door slams]
[Queen Sensei] What you need is
some discipline.
-Bad boy. Say you need it.
-[man whimpers]
-[Queen Sensei] Say it!
-[man] I need it!
[man whimpers]
I'm sorry, I have to deal with something.
But you're free
to stay here as long as you like.
[all] Thanks, ma'am.
[screams] Everyone saw me half-naked!
[wails] I can kiss my pure image goodbye!
And my popularity!
Stupid freakin' aliens.
They don't know when to give up.
I swear, I don't know if I can handle
another run-in with those chodes.
I'm pretty sure
they were only after me this time.
They said they wanted
Turbo Granny's power specifically.
-[Momo] Hey, dumbass!
-Huh?
[Momo] Speakin' about powers,
when'd you find out you had Acro-Silky's?
Just today.
They switched on during that fight.
Which kind of makes sense. I'm heaven's
chosen pretty guardian, after all.
Your handle keeps gettin'
longer and lamer.
8The only reason you got that power is
'cause we transferred
Acro-Silky's aura to you.
Now that you have
supernatural power like me,
the aliens will come after you too.
[thinks] He's worried about me. How sweet!
[Okarun] Our yōkai powers make it possible
to defend ourselves against them,
but they'll keep targeting us
as long as we have them.
That's the weird thing.
I mean, if they want yōkai power so bad,
how come they don't
just go after the yōkai?
I know, right?
Hang on a sec. Maybe because they can't!
With their advanced science and tech,
they should have no problem
invading Earth.
But they haven't yet,
and the experts always wondered why.
-And I think I have the answer.
-[both gasp]
They can't invade because of the yōkai!
Every country has its own folklore
about spirits and demons,
not just Japan!
I think these spirits,
or yōkai or whatever,
are protecting the Earth
from alien invasion!
Even with their scientific tech,
aliens can't beat yōkai.
Therefore, they go after humans with
special powers like ours to research on!
So they can develop new technology
to defeat the yōkai!
Furthermore,
this might explain
why we can't find my testicle!
There's a good chance the aliens have it.
Oh, crap! We need to get it back!
You blabbered on for so long, I zoned out.
What's goin' on? We in danger again?
I got the gist.
I'm the only one who can save the world
from the forces of evil.
Yeah, sure, whatever.
Back to the real problem.
-The school saw me in my underwear!
-Me too! Don't remind me of that!
Even if we told everyone the truth,
who the hell's gonna believe it?
[wails] What do we do?
[Aira] I know. I'll say
you forced me to take all my clothes off.
-What?
-Okay, you told me to.
But you were very aggressive about it.
-You wanna go with that, Takakura?
-Huh?
It's cool. Say whatever.
But the whole school's
going to hate you.
I so don't care.
Making up excuses is a drag.
-You okay, Aira?
-What the heck happened?
[trembles] Don't scare me like that!
[girl 1] A-ha! Momo Ayase!
This is your fault!
-Hold on!
-Come on, Aira!
Come on, say something.
Tell them what happened,
or you'll look like the bad guy here.
-I don't care.
-[girls scoff]
What do you mean, you don't care?
[Momo] I don't, and that's that.
How about you explain what you were doin'?
Out back with her, during lunch?
[Okarun] Oh.
Miss Shiratori tried to kiss me
all of a sudden.
-[Momo] Wh… Huh?
-[Okarun] It's true.
Then we struggled, and we fell,
and then you saw us.
[Momo, sarcastically] Really?
What were you doing back there
in the first place?
-[groans]
-Come on.
-Spill it.
-[sighs]
[gentle music playing]
I was working out.
Push-ups and stuff.
[Momo] For real?
[Okarun] I wanted to get stronger.
If that's all you were doin',
why keep it a secret?
Well, if you saw I got stronger suddenly,
I'd look cooler for it.
[snorts] That's hilarious!
To think you got a weird, vain side!
Uh, of course I have!
It's not weird. I'm a guy.
I just wanted you to think I was cool.
Uh…
[chuckles]
Hmm, you did, huh?
Come on, let's see your little face.
D… don't go making fun of me.
It's so annoying when you do that.
Too bad. How come you wanted me
to think you're cool?
I… I told you. I'm a guy, that's how come.
There's no other reason?
Just the fact that you're a guy?
[Okarun sighs] Just drop it, will you?
-Stop teasing me.
-[sighs]
I'm going back to class.
And I'm not gonna say anything
that makes you look bad.
[Momo] Okarun.
Huh?
[Momo] Mmm…
[sighs]
Uh…
[gasps]
Huh?
-We found ya!
-Okarun's here too!
-[both yelp]
-Don't scare me like that.
Now you know how we felt.
One sec, you're in class,
the next, you're gone?
I was freaking out
till Kana said you were found.
[girl 1] She said you were
in the hall naked
and huggin' in front of class D!
We didn't even see you
split from science class.
What the hell's going on?
[Momo] It's kinda hard to explain.
But, like…
-Somethin' weird happened and here we are.
-Oh.
-That was beyond vague.
-Mmm… I figured out what happened.
Tell it, girl!
All right, young lady.
This student, this Shiratori?
Class D, popular?
You know her, yeah?
[Momo winces]
Um… yeah.
During my investigation, I discovered
this Shiratori from class D was
found naked, like the two of you.
Hmm. Coincidence? Nah, don't think so.
The truth is, all three of you are
involved in a love triangle.
Drama.
In other words,
this case all boils down
to a fight over a man.
Two women, at war for love.
NUDE GLADIATOR TOURNAMEN
[girl 1] Gladiator combat was
the only way to settle it!
-[clank]
-[both] Oh…
[girl 1] The reason Momo was talking
to that mantis shrimp
was 'cause she needed it
to teach her how to punch,
so she could beat
the livin' hell outta Shiratori!
[Muko] Crazy!
Please teach me.
[girl 1] That's why you've been sulking.
'Cause you were jealous of Shiratori!
Shut your hole, you idiot!
I am so not jealous of her!
-The culprit is you!
-[shrieks]
It's not!
[girl 1] Are you okay, Aira?
[girl 2] Wanna talk about what happened?
[girl 3] Whatever it is,
if you need help, we're here for you.
Thanks. You're too sweet.
You're, like, the bestest ever!
But right now, I don't wanna talk
about what happened.
It was totes traumatic,
and I need some time to process it.
[students whispering]
[thinks] Damn, I'm popular.
Times like this make the work
I put into building it so worth it.
I'll string 'em along, and soon,
no one will remember I was even involved.
[girl 4] Whatever happened,
I bet Momo Ayase's to blame.
-[gasps]
-[girl 4] Seriously, guys.
She's been full-on harassing Aira lately.
-Like dropping that washtub on her.
-[boy 1] That's so not cool.
[boy 2] We can't let Ayase
get away with that.
[girl 5] I bet she's jealous
of Miss Shiratori's beauty.
[girl 6] Ugh! What a jerk.
[boy 3] I heard she sleeps with anyone.
I mean, as long as they're a dude.
[girl 7] It's true.
I heard that a couple days ago.
[girl 8] We need to get her back.
Let the whole school know
what a slut she is.
[boy 1] Yeah! We'll teach that skank what
happens if she makes Miss Shiratori cry.
-[all voicing agreement]
-[boy 2] Let's get her!
I spread all those lies about her.
-[all gasp]
-[girl 3] Huh?
Wait. You lied?
What I did was wrong.
So please don't
say anything bad about her.
-[girl 4] Aira?
-[boy 3] Miss Shiratori?
-You'll have to take the fall.
-[girl 1] Wait. Aira?
-[girl 2] Seriously?
-[boy 3] She's so…
[gasping]
[wistful music playing]
-What was that?
-I don't know.
-[gasps]
-[sighs]
[sniffling]
[sobbing]
I screwed everything up!
Bye-bye, popularity!
Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid!
-Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid--
-[Momo] Yo. Quit it, you dumbass.
You'll mess your brains up even more.
Oh, shut your mouth! What do you want?
Mmm, nothin'.
[Momo] So, did your explanation work
how you wanted?
[Aira] Uh…
Yeah, it did.
Everyone in class hates you now.
[Momo] Hmm. How come
you're out here by yourself, then?
Usually, you got folks
stringin' behind you like goldfish turds.
Oh, you're so funny.
Get lost, will you?
I don't want my classmates
thinking we're friends.
[Momo groans]
[Aira sighs]
[Momo] You couldn't bring yourself
to diss me, could you?
[gasps] You bet I did!
I full-on dissed you!
Got a problem with that?
As if.
[grunts]
-[loud bang]
-[both gasp]
[eerie humming]
[demon] Can't go home
without finishing the job.
[panting] I gotta earn a living
for my family.
How dare that thing challenge us again?
Ugh. What's that stuff leakin' out of it?
Chiquitita, you have a dream!
[creaking]
[demon grunts]
Hey, dude. Are you okay there?
Chi-Chiquitita.
[in Japanese] For this planet …♪
[child crying] Bye, Daddy!
I'll miss you, Daddy!
No, for myself, a sign of courage ♪
[demon] I'm sorry, Chiquitita.
[gasps]
Uh…
[grunts]
Uh… where am I?
FISH
That right there's an alien.
Now do you believe me?
-Well, it don't seem all that alien.
-[Okarun gasping]
You sure it ain't a kappa?
You gotta be kidding me.
There's an alien right in front of
your face, and you still don't believe it?
[Seiko] Yeah, that ain't no alien.
It's definitely a kappa.
[Okarun] Actually, there's a theory
that kappa are aliens!
Whatever he is,
what are we going to do with him?
Even though we patched him up,
he might try to attack us again.
[gasps]
-[grunts]
-Easy, dude.
-You don't want my grandma gettin' angry.
-[clattering]
-Huh?
-[Momo] Oh, that?
We didn't know what you aliens ate,
so we made that.
We call that stuff curry.
But it's cool if you don't want it.
[straining]
[gulps]
[whimpering]
-Uh… Huh?
-[bubbling]
[demon] This is the first time
someone gave me proper medical attention.
[sobs] Or been so kind to me.
[Momo] Uh…
[demon] I swear on my life.
I'll never try to hurt you people again.
[chomping]
[lively electronic music playing]
[munching]
Gross!
Gross, gross, gross, gross!
Why, you--
Quit hoggin' the toro, bitch!
Ya ate my uni, ya punk!
Since you're a guest,
you can only eat the ginger!
If I'm a guest,
you should offer me the nodoguro!
You're a bitch-ass kappa,
so stick to eatin' kappa maki!
[Okarun] You left that uni on the plate!
[Turbo Granny] That's 'cause I was savin'
it for later, you jackass dingleberry!
-[Momo] You fugly cue ball!
-[Aira] You stupid baldy!
[both yelling]
Bunch of ungrateful little turds!
I'll be damned if I serve you sushi again!
My son's terribly sick.
Whenever he poops or pees,
he loses all his blood,
and if he doesn't get a transfusion
every day, he's gonna die.
My poor wife died from the same sickness.
To get him treated,
I need spadaba.
You need what? I didn't get that.
[demon] Uh, sorry.
It's what you folks call "cash."
That's what I need. A ton of cash.
[poignant music playing]
[demon] Ra-aphib's a war zone.
-[Momo] What's that?
-[demon] No jobs.
-No way to earn a living.
-[Momo] Anyone understand?
[demon] I left home, figuring I could
bring back cash from another world.
Most us Rabinabchs are
pretty dang strong, you know?
so we're perfect for jobs like bodyguards
and raaglugs and stuff like that.
But I'm kind of weak.
Companies don't hire
shillsskles like me for the cushy jobs.
I got into risky gig work for criminals.
And worse… [grunts]
I couldn't save my wife
'cause I'm so weak and stupid.
Every day, my son worries he's gonna die.
I caused trouble for you good humans.
-I'm so pathetic!
-[gasps]
[sobbing] I'm useless!
[continues sobbing]
Is there something we can do to help?
Like, if I gave you my wiener,
would that save your son's life?
Huh? What the hell are you saying?
Are you crazy?
Well, he could sell it
and maybe get the money he needs.
I don't care.
I can always get it back later.
Get it back from who? Those other aliens?
Look, he says his kid's gotta get
get a transfusion every day, right?
How many transfusions
do you think your dingus is gonna buy?
I feel bad for the dude,
but he needs a steady income
so he can pay for the treatments.
He wants a proper job,
but those places won't hire him.
How's he supposed to earn money?
-[Turbo Granny snoring]
-He told us the kind of trouble he's in.
I can't pretend I don't know about it now.
I have to help him!
Okay, okay! I get how you feel. But…
I'd be happy to get it back.
Takakura's, you know… thing.
Would you shut up, you skank?
[Aira] All he's trying to do is
help the poor guy.
If you're the kind of girl
who won't support his wishes,
then you're not a good partner for him.
[Momo] Oh, right! Like you could be!
[sighs]
What Momo Ayase said is right.
I need a proper job to save my son.
-Ken Takakura.
-[gasps]
-I appreciate you wanting to help.
-[squeals]
[Okarun sighs]
You've been so kind. But I don't want
to bother you with my problems.
-I won't come back and bother you again.
-[Momo wails]
[demon] I swear.
Thanks for your hospitality.
I will get going now.
[Seiko] Hold up.
Your blood's gotta be
the stinkiest I ever smelt.
[gasps] How could you be so rude to him?
-What are you? Anti-alien?
-Calm down.
I ain't anti-anyone.
-[sniffs]
-[demon squeaks]
So all that white goop you're leakin',
that's your blood, huh?
I think I know where
I smelled that kind of smell before.
Huh?
YUJI INTENSE MILK
[cow moos]
[Seiko] Suck down some of that.
[sighs]
Uh…
Ah.
[gulping]
[demon] Huh?
Wha… Whoa!
Uh… no way!
Just like our blood!
This is the same!
What the hell?
How's that possibe, Gran?
I know it's weird,
but his bandages smelled
just like a rag does
after you've wiped up some milk with it.
I heard folks say
milk was cows' blood before.
Who would've thought
plain old cow sauce was kappa blood too?
Do you hear that?
All you need's milk to save your kid!
Dover Demon blood is milk?
Well, our blood's a bit thicker.
That's homogenized
so it's easier for humans to drink.
I know a dairy farmer in town.
I'll see if you can have one of his cows.
I think it's gonna
sort out all your problems.
Take care, big guy.
[whimpering]
[sobbing]
[wailing]
[eerie humming]
[demon] Humans!
I'll never forget your kindness!
If you're ever in trouble,
give me a shout and I'll come right over!
-Go before the neighbors call the cops!
-[Okarun] It's a live abduction!
-It's my duty to protect this planet!
-[Okarun] It's got a huge range!
[Aira] Don't come back, you hear?
[demon] Be assured!
[power whirring]
[Momo] Well, Grandma,
believe in aliens now?
[Seiko] Nah. That was totally a kappa.
[Momo] What? Ugh! Okarun,
tell this old bat what's up.
[Okarun] Like I said,
there's a theory kappa are aliens.
[Momo] We beg you!
Buy us new school uniforms
with your Dodoria money!
How many times I gotta
buy you numbskulls new uniforms?
It's gettin' old.
[Momo] We'll be super careful
with the new ones. Promise!
Why are you dragging us into this?
None of us have money.
Times like this, you swallow your pride
and exploit the wallets of the adults.
It's our third time doing it.
Okay, I'll buy 'em.
For Aira and the wonder nerd.
What? Hold on! Why are you only
buyin' theirs? I'm your grandkid.
I don't like them shifty eyes of yours.
They give off
a "Let's exploit the adult's wallet" vibe.
[grunts]
-[Seiko] You want a uniform?
-[growling]
-[Seiko] Do a Hiroshi impersonation.
-[Momo gasps]
You gotta be kidding me!
I ain't makin' a fool
outta myself for you!
Whoa, whoa.
You're talkin' to an adult
with a fat wallet here.
-[Momo growls]
-You wanna new uniform or don't ya?
Make up your mind.
No skin off my nose either way.
I ain't the one who's gotta go to school.
[groans]
[grunts]
[laughing]
That's the weirdest face ever!
-[Momo, gruffly] Well?
-That's so half-assed. Commit to it!
-[doorbell rings]
-[all gasp]
Answer that. In character!
The posture, the voice, the works.
-[gruffly] Rocket engine valve.
-[Aira snorts]
-[Okarun] Oh my gosh.
-Rocket engine valve.
Keep it up, Momo!
-Don't stop! I'm watchin' ya!
-Rocket engine valve!
Rocket engine valve.
Hey. Rocket engine valve.
[Aira laughing loudly]
Hey, uh, Momo?
Jiji?
[gasps]
-It's about time.
-[door closes]
Your mom let me know you were comin' over.
Wait! Hold up. Why is he here?
[Okarun] Who is this person?
[Seiko] He used to be Momo's best friend,
back when they were kids.
[gasps]
[inaudible]
[Seiko] Her first crush, too.
-Gah!
-[air horn blares]
[lively music playing]
[song in Japanese playing]
Any resemblance to actual persons
or organizations in this work of fiction
(Ken Takakura included) is coincidental.
-[Okarun] What's this feeling?
-[Momo] Aliens are real. You saw one.
[Seiko] Nah. That was a kappa.
[Aira] Actually, Takakura called it
a Dover Demon.
[Okarun] She just saw an abduction.
She's in shock.
Next time, "First Love."
Theories about aliens aside, a kappa
is called a chupacabra in Latin America…