Family Affair (1966) s01e10 Episode Script

1
Put your foot up.
Higher.
What's that?
Oh, we got a regular assembly line going.
Thank you.
Oh, thank you, Buffy.
It's a real beauty.
I got it free.
I know the gardener.
What's that, Jody?
Bubble gum.
Enough for both of you.
Oh, thank you, sir.
Sure.
Now, a guy never knows when he's gonna
need some bubble gum.
That's all.
You guys get ready for bed now.
Good night, Uncle Bill.
Good night, Uncle Bill.
Good night, kids.
Best part of the service.
I.
think we have a good chance to get the
bid.
Bill, I hate to admit it, but you're a
genius.
Yeah.
Louise Marshall.
We'll send her right in.
Yeah.
Good job.
I'm going.
I haven't seen her for three years.
I know, I know.
You don't need a spectator at the reunion.
Hey.
Bill.
How are you?
Hey, I thought you were in South America.
I was, yesterday.
Well, how long are you going to be in
town?
I don't know.
But look, I'm staying at the Parkside
Hotel.
So why don't you call me whenever it's
convenient?
How about lunch right now?
Wonderful.
If you're not too busy.
I'm never too busy for that.
While we're having lunch, we can talk
about what we're going to do for dinner, okay?
Surprise!
Hi.
Hi, good man.
I'm sorry, sir.
We tried to tell them that one should wait
until one has been announced.
Then we wouldn't have been a surprise.
That's right.
She's got a point there.
Now, the element of surprise is very
important to children and commandos.
Hello, French.
How are you?
Why, Miss Marshall.
How nice to see you again.
And nice to see you.
Is she an engineer, too?
No.
She's a good friend of mine.
Louise, this is my niece, Buffy.
How do you do, Buffy?
And that's Jody, my nephew, Miss Marshall.
How do you do, Jody?
I thought you were too pretty to be an
engineer.
Oh, thank you, Buffy, and you're very
pretty, too.
Are you visiting your Uncle Bill?
No.
We live with him.
So does Sissy.
Who's Sissy?
Our big sister.
She's a girl, too.
I'll explain at lunch.
I'm sorry, sir, for the interruption,
but we required some decisions.
We're going shopping.
Yes, sir, we're on our way to the
bootmakers.
How many pairs of shoes shall I have made
for the children?
French, you don't have shoes made for
children.
You don't, sir?
No.
No, you buy them ready-made.
By the time a bootmaker finished shoes for
them, they'd have outgrown them.
Yes, I see what you mean.
Very well, children, go.
Wait a minute.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Here, we're going, too.
I'll give you a lift to the elevator.
Sir!
Is this father image good old Bill Davis?
Side of me you didn't know about,
huh?
Thud!
Sounds as though, uh, the twins more or
less adopted you.
Well, they did.
Sort of.
One at a time.
First thing I knew, they had me
surrounded.
You know, a lot of men would have found
some way to get out of this.
Well, I wasn't any too crazy about the
idea at first, I'll tell you that.
The French was appalled.
For a while, you met the twins.
Now, they must have been hard to resist.
Oh, Sissy's a sweetheart, too.
I didn't meet her.
I'm counting on it.
Bill, while I'm in New York, maybe there's
some way that I can help with the children.
Oh, you sure could.
Having a woman around for a little while
would be real good for those kids.
Especially Sissy.
It's not so bad for the little ones, but I think Sissy
really needs that mother image stuff, you know.
Let's just call it a female friend image.
Okay.
To save some time for me.
Do I know you?
Well, not really.
We both live here.
I've seen you in the elevator a couple of
times.
Oh.
Move here from out of town?
How did you know?
Well, no one from New York ever says hi.
Unless, of course, you've been introduced.
Oh.
Sorry.
No law against it.
Hi.
Hi.
Sissy Davis.
Sharon James.
Apartment 12B.
27A.
With my Uncle Bill.
Bill Davis.
He's a bachelor.
I live with my father.
I'm between mothers.
Between mothers?
Number three moved out last month.
Three mothers?
Really?
Uh-huh.
The same bit.
Three in a row.
Are you taking chemistry 2B?
Uh-huh.
So am I.
Don't tell me you understand it.
I practically speak it.
Well, Sissy, you and I are going to be
good friends.
You can teach me chemistry, and I can
teach you about life.
Good evening, French.
Good evening, Miss Marshall.
I was going to wait for Mr. Davis to come by for
me, and I started thinking about his new family.
I thought of some presents they might
like, so here I am.
Oh, excuse me.
I was expecting a friend of mine.
Cissy?
Yes.
This is for you.
Did somebody say presents?
Jody!
And this is for you.
Hi, Miss Marshall.
Hi, Buffy, and that's for you.
Thank you, Miss Marshall.
Excuse me, Miss.
I'll tell Mr. Davis you're here.
You know, your Uncle Bill and I are very
old friends.
Oh, well, I'm happy to meet you.
Thanks.
You're welcome.
Hi, I was just coming to get you.
I just had to come by and meet Cissy.
Hi, Mr. Davis?
Yeah.
I'm Sharon, Cissy's friend.
Well, hi, Sharon.
Oh, this is Miss Marshall.
Cissy's waiting for you in her room,
right around the corner.
Have fun.
With chemistry?
You're kidding.
Is that what you intended?
Not exactly.
I must have had the boxes mixed.
I was hoping you would say that.
Miss Marshall!
Want to put Mrs. Beasley to bed?
Mrs. Beasley?
Mrs. Beasley is her best friend and most
intimate doll.
I'd love to.
Oh, Miss Marshall.
I can put Buffy to bed.
No, thanks, Cissy.
Miss Marshall's going to tuck me and Mrs.
Beasley in.
Okay.
Sharon, we can study in the living room.
Good night, Buffy.
See you later, Miss Marshall.
Good night, Cissy.
Cissy?
Call me Louise?
Does Mrs. Beasley always go to sleep with
her glasses on?
She has to.
So she can see what she's dreaming about.
Good night, Buffy.
Good night.
Miss Marshall.
Miss Marshall!
Mrs. Beasley says good night, too.
All set?
Buffy and Mrs. Beasley are all tucked in.
Good night, Sharon.
Good night, Cissy.
Good night, Louise.
Good night, kids.
Good night, Uncle Bill.
She's nice.
Please, Cissy, call me Louise.
Cissy, I've been through this I love children
bit three times with three different mothers.
I can tell you the next move.
Don't bother.
I'm not interested.
She'll stop by very soon and find some
excuse to take the twins out.
You watch.
Call me Aunt Louise.
Oh.
Boy.
Am I drained.
A solid hour quiz on Shakespeare.
Hamlet.
The Bard of Avon at Lexie High.
Alas, poor Yorick.
I knew him, Horatio.
A fellow of infinite jest.
Most excellent fancy.
You should have taken the test instead of
me.
I guess it's time to take over the twins,
Mr. French.
I thought today that we'd exchange Jody's
shoes.
Well, it won't be necessary.
We've been relieved.
We're relieved of their custody.
Uncle Bill?
Miss Marshall.
Miss Marshall?
I mentioned Master Jody's oversized
footwear.
She just moved in?
Moved in?
She's the most thoughtful and
accommodating person.
Lady of quality.
I'll bet.
How long has Uncle Bill known her?
Oh, several years.
But we had no idea she was so fond of
children.
Maybe it's an acquired taste.
Well, if you don't need me, Mr. French,
I'll go find Sharon.
Bye.
Goodbye.
Your maid said I'd find you here.
Hi.
Sharon, you were right.
Absolutely right.
She's out with Buffy and Jody.
Cissy, I told you.
I'm a veteran.
The way I figure.
You're next.
Me?
She will invite me.
She'll invite Cissy Davis to go shopping.
Maybe lunch.
You know, just one of the girls.
Sharon, if you're right, I'm still not
admitting you are.
Maybe it wouldn't be so bad for Uncle
Bill.
He's been a bachelor for a long time.
Maybe so.
And he figures that you three kids would
be better off with a mother.
But as soon as that ceremony's over,
wham, out you go.
Uncle Bill wouldn't let her do that.
Huh?
Cissy, he won't intend to.
But she'll keep pecking away at him until
she wears down his resistance.
I've been sent away to Europe and off to
school, off to relatives.
As soon as my father introduces me to his
new girlfriend, I start packing.
I couldn't let that happen to Buffy and
Jody.
Well, don't look at me.
If I knew how to stop it, I wouldn't have
had three mothers.
Oh, that's my boyfriend.
I gotta go.
Bye-bye.
Hi.
Hi, Uncle Bill.
You're home early.
Well, that's one advantage of being boss.
And it's awful quiet around here.
Where's Jody and Buffy?
They're out with Miss Marshall.
They took Jody's shoes back.
Oh, that's good.
Say, I hope you can spend some time with
her once you get to know each other.
Well, I'm sure we will.
Yeah.
Bye.
Hi, Uncle Bill.
Hi.
Look at my new shoes.
They fit.
That's good.
Aunt Louise asked the man to give me
another balloon, and he did.
It was a nice balloon while it lasted.
And then we went rowing in Central Park.
Well, say thank you to Miss Marshall,
children.
And now, off to bathe.
Do we have to wash our legs, too?
We hung them off the boat.
Babe, in entirety.
Goodbye, Aunt Louise.
Goodbye, Jody.
Goodbye, Buffy.
Have a good bath.
Bye, Cissy.
Hello, Miss Marshall.
Louise.
Remember?
Louise.
Louise.
I was wondering, Cissy, if we couldn't
have lunch and go shopping tomorrow.
It's not a bad idea.
Well, I'm sorry, Uncle Bill.
Louise, I'm busy all day tomorrow.
All right, we'll do it some other time.
Of course.
Excuse me.
What's all this?
We're gonna help you, Uncle Bill.
That's very nice of you.
You take care of us?
We're gonna take care of you.
Good.
Now, is there any special reason why
you're taking such good care of me tonight?
Mr. French is busy.
It seemed like a good idea to start.
I see.
Any special favors you had in mind?
Report cards due?
No, we're just being nice.
Okay, then I can relax and enjoy it.
Thank you.
Bend down a little, Uncle Bill.
Put your foot up.
Higher.
How's that?
Well, we got a regular assembly line
going.
Oh, thank you, Buffy.
Real beauty.
I got it free.
I know the gardener.
What's that, Jody?
Bubble gum.
Enough for both of you.
Thank you, sir.
Now, a guy never knows when he's gonna
need some bubble gum.
That's all.
You guys get ready for bed now.
Good night, Uncle Bill.
Good night, Uncle Bill.
Good night, kids.
Best part of the service.
Thank.
you.
I straightened up your desk.
Don't worry, I didn't throw anything away.
If I can answer any of those notes and
letters for you Cissy, what's going on?
Going on?
Well, Uncle Bill, you said that everyone
in the family has certain responsibilities.
Well, I'm just beginning to take mine
seriously.
You sure are.
The way I figure, if everyone does his
part, it can be perfect.
You look after us, and we'll look after
you.
We don't need to change anything.
Well, honey, I'm not thinking of changing
anything.
Now, at most, sometime, we might add on,
that's all.
Add on?
Yeah, you know, a wife for me, a mother
for you kids, so we'd have a real family life.
Oh, I see.
Oh, well, excuse me, Uncle Bill,
I better see if Buffy and Jody are in bed.
Have a nice time.
Did we do good, Cissy?
Uncle Bill looks real good when we
polished him up.
We did very good, Buffy.
I wonder how Uncle Bill ever got along
before we came.
He managed.
He had Mr. French.
Mr. French is fine, but it's good to
have kids running around and yelling, too.
Buffy, we're
Yes?
If
If something happens, and if it doesn't work out
for us to stay here It's It's working out fine.
Uncle Bill needs us.
Yes, I know.
Buffy, I just don't know how to tell you
this.
I just don't want it to happen all of a
sudden.
Not again.
It?
You mean like the other time?
I don't want to go back to Terre Haute.
I want to stay here.
What are you girls?
Talking about?
Oh, nothing, Jody.
Go back to bed.
Buffy looks like you were talking about
something.
It was something, Jody.
Cissy's afraid we'll get too happy.
And if we have to go away, it'll be as bad
as the other time.
Go away?
Who says?
Jody, what's the matter?
Buffy?
Good heavens, you two.
Miss Cissy, Miss Cissy.
I'm sorry, sir, but the situation appeared
desperate.
Where are they?
Well, the twins are now in Buffy's room.
Weeping uncontrollably, and Cissy's in the
den crying.
Here, excuse me.
Cissy, French called while we were at
dinner.
Something is going on around here.
What is it?
I'm sorry.
Why don't we talk it over, woman to woman?
Come on, man to man, huh?
Huh?
Are you gonna tell me about it?
Huh?
Buffy?
Don't worry.
I'm old enough to get along no matter
what.
Miss Marshall, please.
It's so important for the twins to feel
that they belong somewhere, to somebody.
Please, let them stay here with Uncle
Bill.
Oh, I see.
How can I fix things up if I don't know
what to fix?
Bill?
Is Cissy in there?
Yes, she is.
Somebody's going to tell me what's going
on around here.
I can.
Now, Cissy is afraid that I'm trying to
trap you into some kind of marriage.
What?
What?
And then I'm going to turn
into some sort of monster and
send her and the twins away
someplace back to Terre Haute.
Why'd she get an idea like that?
Her friend Sharon.
Sharon's been through it.
You see, every time her father gets
married, he ships Sharon off someplace.
She's been warned, Cissy.
Oh, for
Wait a minute.
Let's get the twins calmed down first.
All right, you two.
Now, cut it out.
Come on.
Knock it off, I said.
Now, you're crying over nothing.
Nobody's sending you back to Terre Haute.
Hey, you're here with me, and you're going
to stay right here with me.
Understand?
But Cissy said I don't
care what Cissy said, honey.
Now, nobody's going anywhere.
You're stuck with me.
And you're stuck with us?
Yeah, we're stuck with each other.
Now, you go to sleep.
Come on.
Off to bed.
Here we go.
I mean
Buzz your nose.
We like you, Aunt Louise.
We just didn't like leaving Uncle Bill.
So now, Cissy
Well, I understand you and your friend
Sharon have got, uh Louise and me married.
All right?
Well, you're wrong.
Now, I happen to like Louise, and I like
her a lot.
But we're friends, see?
Now, she was married to a friend of mine,
and he got killed in Korea about three
feet from where I was standing, and
she took it the way he would have liked it.
I mean, with courage.
It's something I admire, you see?
So we're friends.
That's all.
Nothing more.
Now, maybe I will get married someday.
I don't know.
I might even marry Louise.
Not now.
Later.
If I do get married, I'll make certain
promises to her, see?
And I'll keep them.
But that doesn't mean that I'm going to forget about
the promises that I made to you and to the little kids.
You understand?
Now, it just happens I love you so much
that I'm not ever going to let you down.
You got that through your head?
Oh, I don't know what to say.
Oh, I don't know what to say.
Don't say anything.
Quit crying.
You're going to get me all waterlogged.
Besides, I'm hungry.
I'm sorry.
I spoiled your dinner.
You sure did.
Come on.
Get French to improvise something for the
three of us.
You and me and Louise.