Golden Axe (2026) s01e10 Episode Script

1
My liege,
we have unearthed a giant.
The first of many.
Now bring him to me.
Oh, come on.
He can't be that heavy.
He's he's actually
really solid.
Um, let-let's just do this here.
Rise from your grave.
Oh!
Uh
Greetings.
I am Death Adder.
What is your name?
I am Death Death.
Really?
Oh Oh, okay. Um
I am your king.
Look at you, a runt.
Death Death follows no giant
shorter than he.
Seriously.
So tiny.
I may be small,
yet I wield the axe.
My short king.
The days have been
dark since our heroes
were defeated by Death Adder.
He fused the Golden Axe
with the Emerald Blade,
apparently giving him
the power to control giants.
After that, in a fierce battle,
Ax and Tyris were taken prisoner.
Then Hampton, Chronos,
and Druda were killed
in the tower's collapse.
That's right, Hampton's dead!
Crazy, right?
Without heroes to stop them,
Death Adder's hordes
have spread across Yuria,
subjugating the people,
scorching their villages
and burning up
their narrator's maps!
That was my only copy!
But there is one hero
still out there
fighting for Yuria:
the mighty Gilius Thunderhead
Uh-oh, he looks a little drunk.
Please.
Those are my nice pants.
Uh, they won't even fit you. Oh!
They're not for me.
My adult son is about your size.
Oh, I guess I better
do something about this.
What's the plan, Hampton?
Unhand those pants!
P-Please, no!
He can keep the pants.
Oh, gods! He bit him in half.
Pretty messed-up, right?
Your turn.
Good deeds are rare in Yuria
these dark days.
Thank you.
Wait, you're Gilius Thunderhead.
Oh, glorious day.
I thought Yuria was lost.
Oh, it's extremely lost.
But you're a hero.
I'm the only hero left.
We can fight alongside you.
And end up dead like Hampton?
Not a chance.
The only person who's gonna die
fighting Death Adder on my watch
is me.
Which I'll probably do tonight.
Maybe tomorrow, 'cause right now
I'm ziggin', I'm zaggin',
and I found ale on your wagon.
Hampton, I found booze!
There used to be a possum there.
Did you eat my friend?
Tyris, I'm starting to think
that this wheel doesn't
-actually do anything.
-What did you think
it was doing, grinding the bones
of the fallen?
I was hoping it was doing
something helpful like
I don't know
spinning a pleasant windmill
somewhere far from here.
Hey! No talking
to your fellow wheelies.
Ooh, when I get my hands
on some magic, you will burn.
Ha! There's no more magic.
Death Adder's captured
-all the pervy imps in Yuria.
-No,
please don't lock me away.
I'll do anything.
Throw 'em in the cage
with the rest.
I know. Having skin doesn't
make you better than me.
Your bones don't bother Janzu.
Ow!
Oh. Hey, David.
Oh, no.
They got all the best imps.
All right, Chicken Leg.
You and me
versus Death Adder's army.
No way we survive.
But hey, at least we'll be dead.
Oh, looks like
the battle's come to us.
Yah!
Gilius, wait!
It's your old pal, Druda!
Druda?
Druda!
Wait, how do I know
it's really you?
How do I know it's really you?
Ugh. Use your eye holes.
Or your eyes.
Oh, by the gods, it is you!
Oh, I never realized
how important skin was to a hug.
You know what else
is important to a hug?
Consent.
And where have you been
lurking this whole time?
We've been hiding in the woods,
building strength,
eating moss and bugs.
Wait, who's we?
Druda? Where are you?
I just chomped up a butterfly.
It tasted as pretty as it looked.
Hampton!
Gilius?
Mm!
That is how a hug
is supposed to feel.
Like you've ever
had a real hug, Gilius.
Hampton told me about your dad.
Okay, Hampton's alive.
I'm sorry I lied to you,
but I needed you
to believe it for the drama.
Oh, speaking of drama
Awaken, my kin.
At last,
Yuria will be returned
to the giants.
How did you two
survive the battle
at Death Adder's castle?
Honestly, I kind of blacked out
and went into evil skeleton mode.
One minute I was in the castle
and the next,
I was covered in blood
and Hampton and I
were building a tent.
I think maybe I hurt people?
She did. I barely had to do
anything. It was horrifying.
But I did most of the tent,
so I'm pulling my weight.
It's really good
to see you, Gilius.
Did you change your hair?
You look like shit.
I have good news.
We know where Ax and Tyris are.
They're being tortured
in Death Adder's camp.
That's great!
That they're alive.
Not the torture part.
I really thought
everyone was dead.
Kind of feel silly
for befriending that possum.
We've got a plan to save them.
Excellent.
You can tell me all about it
when I get back
from doing it by myself.
Ow! Why did you do that?
I was trying to knock you out.
-Let's try again.
-Aah!
Gilius, why are you doing this?
Because there's no way
he's coming
and I don't feel like
explaining myself.
Ow! Ow! Time-out.
Time-out!
What is your problem?
Look at you. You're scrawny.
You're naive.
You're not a hero.
You're not the chosen one.
I can still help
fight the snake man.
And the bad guys?
Is there a guy in a cape?
You hit me so hard.
Not as hard as this!
There. Finally.
Don't let him fall asleep.
Uh, you know, after he wakes up.
Guess who else is alive and well.
That's right, Yuria.
It's your favorite Pantherman:
Chronos mother-humpin' Lait!
Oh, hey Chronos.
You can come.
I don't care if you die.
Thank you.
So, we've never
really had a chance
-to get to know each other.
-And what a blessing that is.
Here we are.
Ax and Tyris
are at the far side of the camp.
We'll never make it
to them, it's impossible.
Unless you happened
to know somebody
who's been saving a little magic.
Was that in a pocket?
Stab wound.
Time for you to grog the fog.
Fog magic, baby!
Whoa, that smells nice.
That's what I think. You know,
we actually have a lot in
We're not becoming friends.
Stop acting like we are.
Gilius,
we can be friends in the fog.
No one will see.
Tyris, do you think
maybe this wheel
is a deeper metaphor
on the nature of existence?
Because I don't.
Ax.
I know that smell.
I hate that smell but I am happy
to smell the smell that I hate.
-Look!
-Ah, fog. Magic fog?
You know who would love this?
Chronos.
Ax, be quiet.
I'm just saying,
his magic is fog.
This is the type of thing
he goes for.
-Ax, please.
-You think I'm wrong?
You don't know him like I do.
Chronos is the best.
Ax, Chronos is here.
Tyris, look. Chronos is here!
Gilius is here too.
Damn right I am.
And Hampton's not a possum.
Anyway, here's the plan:
sneak out of Death Adder's camp
under the cover of this fog
and regroup.
Um, Chronos,
where-where is the fog going?
Hey! You're not allowed
to free the wheelies!
Okay, plan B: Run like hell.
Hey! Those are for digging.
I take it back.
These are great!
Aah! Wai-Wait, wait, wait.
Chasing the good guys?
What am I doing?
Where did I go wrong?
Aw, it doesn't matter,
I can change.
Today is the first day
of the rest of my life
Head for that canyon.
Ooh, I want to look!
They're trapped.
Let's have some fun.
Nice aim.
Wilhelm scream!
He's dead.
The giants are on our side.
Maybe not.
I want to throw one.
I threw one.
We can't hide here forever.
Only one choice.
Take out as many as we can
before we die.
-I'm with you, old friend.
-Count me in.
-Wait, are you gonna do the mud?
-No.
Let's do this.
Gilius, before we perish.
I replaced you on our team
with Chronos to anger you.
-Well, it worked.
-Ha!
Good.
But also, it was a mistake.
I "a pal a-geez."
Hmm.
I'm not used to saying
that word out loud.
I "forgove" you.
I am honored to die
alongside my friends.
And Chronos.
I think my face mud
is actually goat shit.
At least Hampton will survive.
Uh, I'm not so sure.
What in an orc's nut sack
are you doing, boyo?!
Saving you.
You can't win by yourselves.
Well, you're not
tipping the scales.
-You need to run, save yourself.
-Gilius, enough.
You say I don't belong out here.
That I don't look like a hero.
But have you ever
looked in a mirror?
Yeah, I always think there's
another cat-man and attack it.
You are fat, short,
you have terrible skin.
I mean, you look like you're 75.
75 is young for a dwarf.
-Fine, 275.
-Still pretty young.
Think of an age that's mean.
You look nothing like a hero,
but you don't have to
look like a hero to be one.
And I learned that
from watching you.
Heroes aren't the strongest
-or the bravest.
-Some of them are.
Heroes are the ones
who never give up. Like you.
The short, fat, old battle dwarf
who will fight
to his very last breath.
That's all well and good.
But I've got news for you:
even with five of us,
it won't be enough.
We have a few more than that.
Chicken Leg?
Oh, he's been
hiding that one, hasn't he?
Yuria is full of people
who are willing to fight,
so I put out the call and these
ordinary heroes answered.
It's everyone
we've met along the way.
The ride able beasts we freed,
Dry Arthur and the people
of Tender Hamlet,
even the cowards found a way
to conquer their fears
to join the fight.
It's all of our favorites,
including Volcano Larry!
H-Hang on, I don't
know Volcano Lar
Who's Volcano Larry?
How do you not
know about Volcano Larry?
He arrived in Yuria
through a portal to the future.
His story was cut for time.
But even so, he's here to help.
With all these heroes
by our side,
Death Adder
doesn't stand a chance.
Gilius, will you lead us?
For Yuria!
Ha! It feels good
to kill alongside you
again, Gilius.
What? Aw.
That was a load-bearing bone.
Kind of breaking skeleton code
to show you that, Ham-Ham.
-Ah.
-Moggabog!
I thought I'd killed you.
Did you actually see me die?
Never assume someone is dead
if you didn't actually see it.
That's basic adventuring.
Cowoods, let's show this giant
what happens when we get scared!
Whoosh!
Leave our brother alone!
Greetings, Squib.
Bruiser, Rooster!
You saved us!
But I betrayed you.
Sometimes brothers fight.
Hampton, you said they were dead.
I just finished talking to you
about this! Are you not
-paying attention, Gilius?
-Aah!
Oh, whoa!
-Yay!
-Gilius,
look.
We're winning!
This ends now.
Golden Axe time!
Whoosh!
Cut away before I die on screen.
Volcano Larry!
No!
With the giants under his
control we don't stand a chance.
I know I made a big speech
about never quitting,
but I'm starting to think
we maybe should've quit.
Nonsense. All we have to do
is fight our way through these
guys and then those skeletons
and then those guys over there.
There Ugh,
there's an awful lot of giants.
Aw, we're.
We need to even the odds.
Go, muscles!
Look out!
You know what to do.
Get out there
and shake those booties.
Time to max out my magic.
The oracle was right!
This is how I die!
Hello, Janzu.
Tyris.
Oh, yeah!
This is for Volcano Larry.
Oh, and, um, my parents.
Fire magic!
Uh-oh.
I wonder if I could
do that with fog.
He dropped the Golden Axe.
Quick! Throw me!
But you hate that.
Basically everything
we've been through
is because of us
-wanting to throw you.
-Only when it's not my idea.
Now throw me!
All right, Death Adder,
let's do this.
Yeah!
Thank you for
giving me back my axe.
Another brilliant move
by the chosen none.
Oh, Hampton.
What did you do?!
I don't know
why the blade chose me,
but I figured
if I could put it together
I could probably take it apart.
Ooh! Hot, hot, hot!
No matter.
I can still use the Axe
to end your miserable lives.
Yeah, maybe. But without
the power of the emerald blade
you can't use it
to control those giants.
I wonder how they're
going to feel about
being enchanted
by a little guy like you.
I'm not little.
Wait, wait, no!
Uh-oh, they're coming for you.
You dare to try to control me?!
I am the dark lord of Yuria.
More like the dork turd
of nerd-ia.
Wait, wait!
No, no!
Oh, not my snakey chest!
Aah!
That was incredible, boyo!
You did it!
I've killed Death Adder
many times,
but it has never been
this satisfying.
-Well done, Hampton.
-Oh, thanks.
But none of this was possible
without Gilius.
Indeed. Thank you, Gilius.
And now let's
celebrate our victory
by living happily ever after.
Oh, right, the evil giants.
No! Wait, we can't kill them.
But they're evil giants.
Well, how do you know that?
If you could look at me
and not know I'm a hero,
how can you look at them
and know they're villains?
It's mostly the eyes.
They're red.
Gods, he's right. I hate him
for it, but he's right.
We are heroes.
We have a responsibility
to give them a chance.
Thank you, small boy.
I can tell
why the Emerald Blade chose you.
Because of my uncanny wisdom?
No!
I smell the blood of giants
in you.
What? No. How would
I'm a man.
I thought
you were small for a man,
but my goodness, Humpton
You are a very small giant.
And thus is the story
of Hampton and the Golden Axe.
Everyone lived
happily ever after.
Janzu took home
a pretty good souvenir.
Whoa!
Druda followed
her dream and started a band.
A one-woman band.
Did you think she wasn't gonna
play her ribs,
you crazy bastards?
Gilius, Ax, and Tyris
continued their adventures
with Hampton and Chronos.
Everything was perfect.
That is, until the giants
that Hampton spared
did turn out to be super evil.
It's me.
The narrator.
And that's my house
they're stepping on.
So, yeah, way to go, Hampton.
Some hero you are.
Everyone in Yuria hates you now.
I was trying
to see the best in them, okay?
Hey! You!
You're supposed to be
in the house when we stomp it.
That was the first of my tales
of the Golden Axe.
And I have many more.
If you want to hear them,
we got to get out of here.
We got to run.
We got to go hide in a cave.
Follow me, I know a cave.
Aah! He sees us!
Pew! Pew! Pew! Pew! Pew!
Chirp.