Jackie Chan Adventures (2000) s01e10 Episode Script
The Jade Monkey
1
I know you're all excited
about career day,
but your parents
won't be arriving
until last period.
Hey, Jade,
is your uncle Jackie
gonna wow the class
about the "secret agent"
business?
You bet, drew,
and the truth
is gonna
blowYourMind.
Oh, oh, you mean the "truth"
about ninjas, magic talismans,
that 400-pound giant
named tofu?
His name is
(Thundering footsteps)
Tohru.
(Muttering)
(Muttering)
Jackie.
Uncle.
Jade, hand over
the talismans
Or we chop down
your family tree.
You guys are the ones
going down.
Hyah!
Hyah!
I'm sorry
- I doubted you, Jade.
No homework for
the rest of the year!
Yes! Go, Jade.
Yeah, no homework.
Jade
Jade
Jade!
If you're done daydreaming,
can you tell us
the capital of Italy?
Uh, pizza?
Heh heh.
So, with the kitten
under one arm,
and the orphan
under the other,
I leapt out of
the second-story window.
Yeah, I saved
a few lives,
but when you're
a firefighter,
that's all in a day's work.
Thanks for listening, kids.
All right!
(Cheering)
All right, dad.
Pretty cool, drew.
But wait till you get
a load of Jackie.
To uncover artifacts,
the patient archeologist
digs in the dirt
with little, tiny brushes,
bring very careful
not to damage anything.
Sometimes it can take
hours or even days.
So much for
secret agent man.
UhQuestion?
Jackie, tell us
about the time
you whomped a bunch
of shadowkahn
on the roller coaster
at melvinworld.
Heh. That's a bit
off topic, Jade.
Now, once an artifact
is unearthed--
really! He tanned
their ninja hides.
He's got amazing
reflexes. Watch.
Ow! Jade
Jade has quite
an imagination,
doesn't she,
Mr. chan?
Heh. Yes, she does.
And a good
throwing arm, too.
(All talking at once)
Thanks, Jackie.
You made me look like
a big, fat liar.
Jade, my work
with section 13
is a secret, remember?
Besides, this is career day,
and my career is archeology.
Next time you go on a mission,
I'm bringing back proof.
What next time?
You're not supposed
to go on assignment
with me, Jade.
And don't forget,
children--
next week, it's your turn
to report on
your parents' job,
after you
accompany them to work.
Jackie: Captain black
has pinpointed the location
of another talisman
in Micronesia.
Whoa.
You think archeology
is a snore?
We'll start here.
Remember, Jade--
archeology requires Patience.
Ooh
Oh, Jackie
You gotta be kidding me.
It's the monkey talisman.
Must be a sea monkey.
The dark hand.
Go, go, go!
Get back up to the boat.
Aaahhh!
Unh. Unh. Aaahh!
(Panting)
(Gasps)
The talisman.
Ah
Hand over the rock, flipper.
Hey.
(Grunting)
Uh, you guys are going down.
Stop.
Why are we
listening to him?
Yaaahhh!
(Grunts)
Whoa.
Get off of me, ratso.
Rrrrr.
Jackie!
Monkey magic better be good.
Come on, activate already.
UhhBefore
this boat ride
makes me yack.
Whoa. Not what I meant.
What just
happened here?
Chan's a horse.
No, chan's a yak.
The talisman.
Uh, yakkie, er, Jackie?
Uh, change him back.
This must be the "turn stuff
into other stuff" talisman.
I noticed.
So how about
I turn tohru into--
(all scream)
(Jade groans)
Ohh
(Screeches)
Ewww!
Hello. Mouthwash?
Who are you?
Where am I?
AhI'm shipwrecked.
My report is gonna rock.
Say "cheese."
(Screeches)
Hey, monkey boy,
that's not for you,
even if it does have
your picture on it.
Oh, no. Jackie.
(All groan)
Ahh
Tohru, hiya.
Yeah, hiya.
Hiya.
We must find
the talisman.
How do we know chan and
the girl aren't still at sea?
Jade: Jackie!
Oh, Jackie!
Jackie!
There she is.
(Gasps)
Jackie.
Jackie!
Ohh
Jackie
Jackie
Jackie, you are shipwrecked.
Yes, uncle, shipwrecked.
One more thing--
Jade has
the monkey talisman.
Jade's a good girl.
One more thing--
bad men are chasing her.
She needs your help.
Now!
Ow.
Jackie!
Jade.
(Panting)
Duh, the "turn things into
other things" talisman.
Turn this log
into a death ray.
Waah! That's a manta ray.
Change it back!
Change it back!
(Pants) Guess it
only does animals.
In that case,
how about I get
these rats off my tail?
Ratso?
(Squeaks)
Whoa.
The talisman.
Huh? Right?
(Panting) Aardvark.
Hippo. Giraffe.
(Thud)
(Panting)
Gotta hide. Gotta hide.
Double duh.
Make a monkey out of me.
(Screeches)
Where'd she go?
This way, I think.
Whew, close call.
Ok, change me back.
(Screeches)
Not good.
(Animal growls)
Way not good.
Aaaaaahhhhhh!
(Snorts)
Hello, Jade.
You're a monkey.
Nyah-nyah.
Aah!
(Hisses)
Hey, I don't get it.
She just disappeared.
(Screeches)
Yo, talisman
at 9:00.
A monkey's got it.
Grab the chimp.
Hey, Mr. muggs.
I've gotta get
that talisman back,
wherever it is.
Jackie: Jade!
Jackie.
Jade.
Jade!
Jade!
A giraffe?
We drifted
all the way to Africa?
(Gasps)
Jade.
Tohru.
(Screeches)
Aah! Aah!
Jackie, those dark hand
guys were after me,
so I turned myself
into a monkey,
and then this other monkey
took the talisman.
(Screeches)
Shoo. Go away.
Duh. Monkeys
don't speak English.
Ok, first word--
sounds like
Maid.
Uh, you seem like
a very nice monkey,
but I have to find my niece.
Wait. Don't go.
(Screeches)
I'm not going to take
your picture.
Yes.
(Screeches) Me!
Jade? You
You know where Jade is?
Oh, an arrow.
Oh, thank you,
little monkey.
No.
(Screeches angrily)
Hey! Put me down.
Jackie!
(Screeches)
Jackie!
(Screeching)
Let me go. Let me go.
Hey, whoa. What are
you doing? Eww!
Eww! Check, please.
(Screams)
Guess that means
"bye-bye" in monkey.
Heh. Guess not.
OhThis is the last time
I follow directions
from a monkey.
Don't move.
Stay right there.
That's it, bonzo.
Nobody's gonna hurt you.
(Screeches)
Hyah! Stop.
The monkey.
Gaah.
Where is Jade?
(Squeaks)
Ratso.
That's ratso?
(Squeaks)
Tell me what you've
done with Jade,
or ratso gets it.
Ohh, calm down, dude.
We were chasing her,
that's all.
The kid zapped ratso,
and the next thing we know,
that monkey
had the talisman.
Jade turned ratso into a rat
and herself into a monkey?
I'm a monkey's uncle.
Jade!
The girl's the monkey
with the talisman? Whoa.
(Squeaks)
(Screeches)
Aah! Gaah! Unh.
(Screeches)
Hmm. (Grunting)
Jade!
Oh, Jade.
Here, Jade.
It's me. Jackie.
Ach, Jade.
Yo, Tarzan.
Unh. J--
Jade, quit
fooling around.
Stop it.
I don't need a bath.
(Screeches)
Later, mom.
Jade.
(Screeches)
Sorry, Jade.
This is for your own good.
Change her back.
Jade, did you break
the talisman?
Hand over the rock.
Here goes nothing.
Ooh.
Hey there.
Talisman works just fine.
Ratso: I say we turn him
into a dog. I like dogs.
Why would you wanna turn him
into something you like?
A cat, then.
Ah, cats are too snooty.
How about a cockroach?
We can stomp him.
An emu.
Yeah. What's an emu?
Don't know.
Sounds good.
Perhaps an animal
we can eat.
HmmChicken
a la chan.
No! That would make you
cannibals.
(Angry screeching)
Change me back.
Hi, Jackie.
Jade. Then who are you?
(Belches)
The talisman.
Elephant.
Aah, Jade! Bad move,
bad move, bad move.
Uh, got it covered.
Once a rat
(Squeaks)
Jackie.
Change him back.
Hey, gimme, gimme, gimme.
Gaah!
You're a flamingo.
Kangaroo.
Huh?
Good choice.
Change me back.
Jack--
rabbit.
Unh.
(All grumble)
(Screeches)
Change me back.
Hope this means
what I think it means.
Aaaahhhh!
Aaaahhhh!
(Angry screeching)
Hey, cut that out.
(Screeching)
(Sniffing)
Ooh-ooh.
Hi, mom.
Mom?
Welcome to the family.
Ms. hardman:
Now it's Jade's turn
to give her report.
Ahem. On my day at work,
uncle Jackie and I went
scuba diving for artifacts,
but a big storm kicked up,
and we wound up
shipwrecked.
Yeah, right.
And there were
these monkeys and
Ahem.
To uncover artifacts,
the archeologist
digs in the dirt
with little, tiny brushes,
being very careful
not to damage anything.
Jade: Hey, Jackie,
do you have any pets?
I love pets.
Very, very good
for the human.
If your partner
is your friends--
if you have a pet, you have
him with you every day.
I remember long time ago,
I have 3 Saint bernards.
Big dog.
I love big one.
The problem is,
all those years,
I been traveling around
making movies.
6 months later,
when I coming back,
I said, "nuh nuh nuh,"
he bite me. He don't
listen me anymore.
So it's no good.
But later on,
when I retire,
settle down, yes.
I know you're all excited
about career day,
but your parents
won't be arriving
until last period.
Hey, Jade,
is your uncle Jackie
gonna wow the class
about the "secret agent"
business?
You bet, drew,
and the truth
is gonna
blowYourMind.
Oh, oh, you mean the "truth"
about ninjas, magic talismans,
that 400-pound giant
named tofu?
His name is
(Thundering footsteps)
Tohru.
(Muttering)
(Muttering)
Jackie.
Uncle.
Jade, hand over
the talismans
Or we chop down
your family tree.
You guys are the ones
going down.
Hyah!
Hyah!
I'm sorry
- I doubted you, Jade.
No homework for
the rest of the year!
Yes! Go, Jade.
Yeah, no homework.
Jade
Jade
Jade!
If you're done daydreaming,
can you tell us
the capital of Italy?
Uh, pizza?
Heh heh.
So, with the kitten
under one arm,
and the orphan
under the other,
I leapt out of
the second-story window.
Yeah, I saved
a few lives,
but when you're
a firefighter,
that's all in a day's work.
Thanks for listening, kids.
All right!
(Cheering)
All right, dad.
Pretty cool, drew.
But wait till you get
a load of Jackie.
To uncover artifacts,
the patient archeologist
digs in the dirt
with little, tiny brushes,
bring very careful
not to damage anything.
Sometimes it can take
hours or even days.
So much for
secret agent man.
UhQuestion?
Jackie, tell us
about the time
you whomped a bunch
of shadowkahn
on the roller coaster
at melvinworld.
Heh. That's a bit
off topic, Jade.
Now, once an artifact
is unearthed--
really! He tanned
their ninja hides.
He's got amazing
reflexes. Watch.
Ow! Jade
Jade has quite
an imagination,
doesn't she,
Mr. chan?
Heh. Yes, she does.
And a good
throwing arm, too.
(All talking at once)
Thanks, Jackie.
You made me look like
a big, fat liar.
Jade, my work
with section 13
is a secret, remember?
Besides, this is career day,
and my career is archeology.
Next time you go on a mission,
I'm bringing back proof.
What next time?
You're not supposed
to go on assignment
with me, Jade.
And don't forget,
children--
next week, it's your turn
to report on
your parents' job,
after you
accompany them to work.
Jackie: Captain black
has pinpointed the location
of another talisman
in Micronesia.
Whoa.
You think archeology
is a snore?
We'll start here.
Remember, Jade--
archeology requires Patience.
Ooh
Oh, Jackie
You gotta be kidding me.
It's the monkey talisman.
Must be a sea monkey.
The dark hand.
Go, go, go!
Get back up to the boat.
Aaahhh!
Unh. Unh. Aaahh!
(Panting)
(Gasps)
The talisman.
Ah
Hand over the rock, flipper.
Hey.
(Grunting)
Uh, you guys are going down.
Stop.
Why are we
listening to him?
Yaaahhh!
(Grunts)
Whoa.
Get off of me, ratso.
Rrrrr.
Jackie!
Monkey magic better be good.
Come on, activate already.
UhhBefore
this boat ride
makes me yack.
Whoa. Not what I meant.
What just
happened here?
Chan's a horse.
No, chan's a yak.
The talisman.
Uh, yakkie, er, Jackie?
Uh, change him back.
This must be the "turn stuff
into other stuff" talisman.
I noticed.
So how about
I turn tohru into--
(all scream)
(Jade groans)
Ohh
(Screeches)
Ewww!
Hello. Mouthwash?
Who are you?
Where am I?
AhI'm shipwrecked.
My report is gonna rock.
Say "cheese."
(Screeches)
Hey, monkey boy,
that's not for you,
even if it does have
your picture on it.
Oh, no. Jackie.
(All groan)
Ahh
Tohru, hiya.
Yeah, hiya.
Hiya.
We must find
the talisman.
How do we know chan and
the girl aren't still at sea?
Jade: Jackie!
Oh, Jackie!
Jackie!
There she is.
(Gasps)
Jackie.
Jackie!
Ohh
Jackie
Jackie
Jackie, you are shipwrecked.
Yes, uncle, shipwrecked.
One more thing--
Jade has
the monkey talisman.
Jade's a good girl.
One more thing--
bad men are chasing her.
She needs your help.
Now!
Ow.
Jackie!
Jade.
(Panting)
Duh, the "turn things into
other things" talisman.
Turn this log
into a death ray.
Waah! That's a manta ray.
Change it back!
Change it back!
(Pants) Guess it
only does animals.
In that case,
how about I get
these rats off my tail?
Ratso?
(Squeaks)
Whoa.
The talisman.
Huh? Right?
(Panting) Aardvark.
Hippo. Giraffe.
(Thud)
(Panting)
Gotta hide. Gotta hide.
Double duh.
Make a monkey out of me.
(Screeches)
Where'd she go?
This way, I think.
Whew, close call.
Ok, change me back.
(Screeches)
Not good.
(Animal growls)
Way not good.
Aaaaaahhhhhh!
(Snorts)
Hello, Jade.
You're a monkey.
Nyah-nyah.
Aah!
(Hisses)
Hey, I don't get it.
She just disappeared.
(Screeches)
Yo, talisman
at 9:00.
A monkey's got it.
Grab the chimp.
Hey, Mr. muggs.
I've gotta get
that talisman back,
wherever it is.
Jackie: Jade!
Jackie.
Jade.
Jade!
Jade!
A giraffe?
We drifted
all the way to Africa?
(Gasps)
Jade.
Tohru.
(Screeches)
Aah! Aah!
Jackie, those dark hand
guys were after me,
so I turned myself
into a monkey,
and then this other monkey
took the talisman.
(Screeches)
Shoo. Go away.
Duh. Monkeys
don't speak English.
Ok, first word--
sounds like
Maid.
Uh, you seem like
a very nice monkey,
but I have to find my niece.
Wait. Don't go.
(Screeches)
I'm not going to take
your picture.
Yes.
(Screeches) Me!
Jade? You
You know where Jade is?
Oh, an arrow.
Oh, thank you,
little monkey.
No.
(Screeches angrily)
Hey! Put me down.
Jackie!
(Screeches)
Jackie!
(Screeching)
Let me go. Let me go.
Hey, whoa. What are
you doing? Eww!
Eww! Check, please.
(Screams)
Guess that means
"bye-bye" in monkey.
Heh. Guess not.
OhThis is the last time
I follow directions
from a monkey.
Don't move.
Stay right there.
That's it, bonzo.
Nobody's gonna hurt you.
(Screeches)
Hyah! Stop.
The monkey.
Gaah.
Where is Jade?
(Squeaks)
Ratso.
That's ratso?
(Squeaks)
Tell me what you've
done with Jade,
or ratso gets it.
Ohh, calm down, dude.
We were chasing her,
that's all.
The kid zapped ratso,
and the next thing we know,
that monkey
had the talisman.
Jade turned ratso into a rat
and herself into a monkey?
I'm a monkey's uncle.
Jade!
The girl's the monkey
with the talisman? Whoa.
(Squeaks)
(Screeches)
Aah! Gaah! Unh.
(Screeches)
Hmm. (Grunting)
Jade!
Oh, Jade.
Here, Jade.
It's me. Jackie.
Ach, Jade.
Yo, Tarzan.
Unh. J--
Jade, quit
fooling around.
Stop it.
I don't need a bath.
(Screeches)
Later, mom.
Jade.
(Screeches)
Sorry, Jade.
This is for your own good.
Change her back.
Jade, did you break
the talisman?
Hand over the rock.
Here goes nothing.
Ooh.
Hey there.
Talisman works just fine.
Ratso: I say we turn him
into a dog. I like dogs.
Why would you wanna turn him
into something you like?
A cat, then.
Ah, cats are too snooty.
How about a cockroach?
We can stomp him.
An emu.
Yeah. What's an emu?
Don't know.
Sounds good.
Perhaps an animal
we can eat.
HmmChicken
a la chan.
No! That would make you
cannibals.
(Angry screeching)
Change me back.
Hi, Jackie.
Jade. Then who are you?
(Belches)
The talisman.
Elephant.
Aah, Jade! Bad move,
bad move, bad move.
Uh, got it covered.
Once a rat
(Squeaks)
Jackie.
Change him back.
Hey, gimme, gimme, gimme.
Gaah!
You're a flamingo.
Kangaroo.
Huh?
Good choice.
Change me back.
Jack--
rabbit.
Unh.
(All grumble)
(Screeches)
Change me back.
Hope this means
what I think it means.
Aaaahhhh!
Aaaahhhh!
(Angry screeching)
Hey, cut that out.
(Screeching)
(Sniffing)
Ooh-ooh.
Hi, mom.
Mom?
Welcome to the family.
Ms. hardman:
Now it's Jade's turn
to give her report.
Ahem. On my day at work,
uncle Jackie and I went
scuba diving for artifacts,
but a big storm kicked up,
and we wound up
shipwrecked.
Yeah, right.
And there were
these monkeys and
Ahem.
To uncover artifacts,
the archeologist
digs in the dirt
with little, tiny brushes,
being very careful
not to damage anything.
Jade: Hey, Jackie,
do you have any pets?
I love pets.
Very, very good
for the human.
If your partner
is your friends--
if you have a pet, you have
him with you every day.
I remember long time ago,
I have 3 Saint bernards.
Big dog.
I love big one.
The problem is,
all those years,
I been traveling around
making movies.
6 months later,
when I coming back,
I said, "nuh nuh nuh,"
he bite me. He don't
listen me anymore.
So it's no good.
But later on,
when I retire,
settle down, yes.