Leanne (2025) s01e10 Episode Script

1
Bill.
Bill.
- Bill.
- I get it. I'll start chipping in.
I'll cover the housekeeper.
I am the housekeeper.
Well, you could work that squeegee
a little harder in the bathroom.
All these bills are Bill's, as in my old,
crusty, soon-to-be ex-husband.
He still hasn't changed
his mailing address?
No! He also hasn't signed
the divorce papers.
Does this mean you're cheating
on your husband with Andrew?
I guess it does.
Way to take something new and perfect
and run it through the mud.
I think it's fun down in the mud.
You should try rolling around in it.
You might sing a different tune.
Hey, you giant tater tot.
If you wouldn't mind picking up your mail,
changing your address,
signing our divorce papers,
I'd like to get on with my life.
By the way, this is Leanne. Pfft!
Can I swipe one of his Dollar Club razors?
Only if you promise to work it real hard
and put it back in the box.
I will destroy this thing.
This question is worth triple points.
What '80s band's name
mixed a lot of metaphors
Orchestral Maneuvers in the Dark!
Correct.
But once again, write your answers down.
Don't yell them out.
Sorry.
I just get so excited.
The '80s are my jam.
Even if we lose, I don't care.
I'm just loving seeing my girl shine.
That's where we're different.
I'm going home
with that Cyndi Lauper T-shirt,
and everyone else can suck it.
All right, take a little break.
Please, review your rule books.
I think I made him mad.
If he keeps it up,
I'll run a background check.
That mustache has "heads in the freezer"
written all over it.
Every date with you is an adventure.
Bill's idea of an adventure
was wearing shorts.
My ex-wife's idea of adventure
was selling the house without telling me.
Well, all roads have led to us.
Cheers to that.
I do love seeing that smile on your face.
This one?
That one.
What about this one?
Ooh.
I'll take them all.
We're smooching in public.
This really is the '80s.
Well, I know you make me feel younger.
- I do?
- Yeah.
Even the guys at work noticed.
The other day,
I limboed under the police tape.
Okay, folks.
Got another tequila shot in me.
We're good to go.
What dirty dancer starred in Ghost?
This could not be easier.
How do you spell "Swayze"?
Sorry, my dad just died.
My Lord. What?
- Are you okay?
- I'm fine.
No, we should go.
We're in the lightning round,
and we're winning.
That T-shirt is yours, baby.
But your father just passed away.
We all die. Everybody dies.
Which popular burger chain
asked the eternal question,
"Where's the beef?"
Give me that pencil.
You won't believe what happened to me.
Proceed.
Andrew's dad died.
My God.
Okay, right there,
you had a bigger reaction than he did.
Why? What'd he do?
Nothing. Literally nothing.
That's not normal.
Maybe he was in shock.
I don't think so.
When I tried to get him to talk about it,
he just changed the subject.
Well, he's an FBI agent.
They're trained not to show emotion.
But it was his father.
If I was in the middle of dinner
and I got a text that Daddy was gone,
I certainly wouldn't know
who starred in Ghostbusters.
Bill Murray.
- A man died.
- All right.
Let's break it down.
If that was his reaction,
what are the possibilities?
Well, there's the obvious one.
Pedophile.
No, absentee father.
Sure, but let's not
just throw pedophile away.
Maybe he was a mean drunk
that roughed up his little mama.
And that's why Andrew joined the FBI.
He's devoted his whole life
to avenging his childhood.
Or your boyfriend's a sociopath
who's pretending to solve the crimes
he committed.
He's being paid
to live out some sick fantasy.
Stop it. Andrew's a sweetheart.
And somewhere, way deep down,
he's suffering.
And I'm gonna get to the bottom of it.
I didn't major in psych for nothing.
You kinda did.
Yes, Daddy, I've written it down.
Eye appointment at two o'clock.
Yes, I know they dilate your eyes.
No, I don't think they're putting
tracking chips in them.
Yes, maybe one day they will.
Okay, gotta go. Love you.
What's with all the photo albums
and yearbooks?
Well, I was thinking, maybe Andrew
needed some encouragement to open up.
If I share some of my history,
he'll feel safe sharing some of his.
You think showing him a picture of you
sitting on the world's largest chair
is gonna unlock his traumatic childhood?
Well, no, not that one.
Although it did make my legs look thin.
No, I've got birthdays, holidays.
Something in here
is gonna make that man crank.
Well, he's a detective.
He's gonna sense something's afoot.
He's so good-looking.
Why does he have to be so smart?
Because you deserve it
after 30-plus years of that.
Hello, Carol. Have you put on weight?
Just came to get my mail.
You know, you'd get it faster
if you had it sent to where you live.
Or if it's easier,
you could just have the crows deliver it
to your stick in the cornfield.
Mainly around your neck.
I don't suppose
you've signed the divorce papers?
I'm getting to it.
Could you do it quicker?
I break a commandment
every time I go on a date with Andrew.
Still seeing that dork?
He's an FBI agent.
You dressed up as him for Halloween.
He's everything you weren't.
He plans dates. He listens to me.
He doesn't rattle his keys in his pockets
to make me move faster.
Whoo-hoo.
Big whoo-hoo.
Tyler's first Easter egg hunt.
Can I take this? It'd be nice
to have some family photos at my place.
I'm sure your baby mama has taped
some ultrasounds to your mini fridge.
Come on, Leanne. They're my memories too.
Okay, I'll tell you what.
You sign the divorce papers,
and I'll give you some photo albums.
Fine.
Sweet. My razors.
Enjoy.
You really look great.
Thank you.
A little overdressed
for WrestleMania, but…
What?
I'm kidding.
We're going to see close-up magic.
Is WrestleMania still an option?
Well, I'll tell you what,
if we don't like the magician,
we can charge the stage
and beat him with a folding chair.
You're in a fun mood.
Why wouldn't I be?
I don't know.
Maybe because your daddy just died
and we're going to a magic show?
He's still dead, and I'm still good,
and the Amazing Bruce is still amazing.
I'm no expert,
although I did major in psychology.
But I think you're in the first stage
of grief, which we call denial.
No, I'm very familiar with that list,
and I've skipped straight to acceptance.
You don't have to be strong
in front of me.
- Please don't be strong in front of me.
- I'm not.
I… I'm really okay.
Okay. Good for you.
Goody, goody.
But funerals stir things up,
so if you need me by your side,
I'll be there.
Thanks, but I am not going to the funeral.
Lord, I'm gonna take to the bed.
Why is it hard for you to understand?
I didn't have
a good relationship with my dad.
It just makes me sad.
Well, don't be. I'm really okay.
Can we just let it go?
Yes, of course.
Moving on.
You know, this magician
can pull a hundred-dollar bill
out of an unpeeled orange.
Amazement awaits us
at the Turkey Creek Mall.
I'm worried if you don't go to the funeral
and say goodbye, you might regret it.
I know you're close with your family,
but it's not the same for me.
Is this gonna be a problem?
No.
It's unfamiliar, it's…
different, but I'll adapt.
Great.
So…
did your daddy like magic?
"Carol, have a cool summer.
You're smoking hot. Travis."
All right, Travis from biology,
where are you now?
- Hey.
- Hey.
Check it out. I'm looking up all the boys
who thought I was hot in high school.
Any luck?
Let's just say I could have
quite an afternoon at the state pen.
How'd your date go?
I got sawed in half.
That what they're calling it these days?
It was a magic show.
All right, I get it.
You don't need to rub it in.
Did you at least get to the bottom
of Andrew's daddy issues?
No, and he's not even
going to the funeral.
Wow. That is some scorched earth.
I know, and I promised him
I'd stay out of it.
And he believed you?
He did.
And you meant it?
I did.
Well, then, it might be time to turn
this investigation over to your sister,
who "looks rad without braces
and kicked acne's ass this year."
Okay, decent turnout.
That's a positive sign.
It means he's not a monster.
Or he surrounded himself
with horrible people, and these are them.
You're not helping.
I say we take a peek in the coffin
and see how your boyfriend's gonna age.
That's not why I'm here.
I want to pay my respects to the man
who possibly raised, abandoned,
or abused Andrew.
This is exciting! We're cracking a case.
There are loads of men,
and I'm like
the third-hottest broad in here.
Keep your Spanx on.
We're not here to hook up.
Okay, but if a grieving young man
is looking to bury his feelings,
he can do it in me.
I don't want people to know who we are.
I'm way ahead of you.
My backstory comes with an English accent.
"Hello, so sorry for your loss."
"He was a jolly good bloke."
Was he, guv'nor?
- What was that?
- My English accent.
You ruin everything.
Thanks for coming and getting me.
No problem.
Still can't get a hold of Leanne?
If I could, would you be here?
Has anyone ever done you a favor twice?
What the hell kind of car is this?
It's a hybrid.
I'm trying to lower my carbon footprint.
You sell RVs.
You're the reason we're all dying.
You want a ride or not?
Is this a regular eye appointment
or something else cooking?
It's just routine.
A lof of folks your age
would drop the ball.
I respect you for keeping on top of it.
Do you?
Well, I'll think about that when they're
shoving a thermometer up my keister.
It's the eye doctor, John.
I've eavesdropped on a few conversations,
made a couple trips to the ladies' room,
this is what I got so far.
He was in the Navy,
spent some time doing construction
before moving on and becoming a cop.
That man was half the Village People.
- What'd you find out?
- Nothing. I haven't moved from this spot.
I think we should just leave.
Not until we cruise the casket
and get a glimpse of our guest of honor.
Okay, just a quick look-see.
- Handsome.
- Good jawline.
He doesn't look like a bad person.
The more you stick up for him,
the worse your boyfriend looks.
What did you do?
What did he say?
Hello, guv'nor.
What are you doing here?
Right question, wrong person.
What are you doing here?
- I know I shouldn't have come.
- But you did.
Because I care about you.
I was hoping being here
would help me understand
what happened between you and your dad.
I swear to you, it came from a good place.
I know, and it's becoming clear
that you're never gonna let this go.
Here.
When I was a cop,
I arrested my father's brother
because he was a con man.
The lowest of the low.
And my dad, also a cop,
was willing to look the other way.
And I couldn't.
So I had to choose
between my family or my badge.
And I picked the badge.
Disgraced my father,
and he never spoke to me again.
I'm so sorry.
I can't imagine what that would be like.
Yeah, it wasn't easy.
I became the pariah of the family.
They're Irish,
so they used more colorful language.
But I'm the bad guy.
No, you're not.
You're a good guy. You're my guy.
You know, I warned you when we first met
that I had trust issues.
And you showing up here
didn't really help with that.
But I'm willing to overlook it.
Which means…
I must really be falling for you.
You are?
Yeah, I didn't think I'd be saying it
at a funeral, but yeah.
- You want to get out of here?
- Yes.
Um…
Just give me one minute.
A nosy psych major told me
I might regret it if I didn't say goodbye.
Okay, you take your time.
I'll go find Carol.
Guess you'll be feeding me
for a couple of days.
They just dilated your eyes.
It'll wear off by the time we get home.
Why do we go to doctors anyway?
We walk in fully functional
and leave asking the trash can
to validate our parking.
- That was pretty funny.
- Don't get old, Bill.
Kind of hope I do.
I'm not a fan of the alternative.
Yeah, sure, now.
When you get here,
you'll be thinking about all the things
you used to do and can't anymore.
Yeah, still on Team Living.
At some point,
I tied my shoe for the last time.
Didn't even know it.
I don't know why,
but death always makes me so hungry.
Death's not what made you hungry.
We waited 20 minutes for you and your
friend to come out of the coatroom.
My nephew's still in college, by the way.
Would you have said that if I were a guy?
Yes. But it might have come
with a high five.
I hope this gave you
some closure with your daddy.
- Lord, Daddy!
- What's wrong?
She was supposed to take him
to the eye doctor.
You remembered? Why didn't you remind me?
I had young tongue in my mouth.
I felt it could wait.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Making an apology pie?
I feel awful I forgot Daddy's appointment.
Yeah, it happens.
How's he doing?
Well, Mama said
he walked by a dress on a hanger
and told it he would marry her
all over again.
Romantic.
- Thank you for taking him.
- I love your dad.
You don't know how much I appreciate that.
Anytime.
And, I signed the divorce papers.
Thank you.
- I guess that means it's official.
- It does.
Divorcée.
Yeah.
Okay, well, I believe
I owe you a photo album.
This is a good one.
- Tyler didn't have front teeth.
- Aw, he was so cute.
So cute.
All right, well, I'd better get to…
Yeah. I'll clean up.
I haven't changed my address yet,
so, keep your eyes out
for two pounds of oysters.
I joined a club.