Mr. D (2012) s01e10 Episode Script

1
Here we go.
This time for sure. Ready?
Oh.
Here we go.
Oh! Oh.
Oh! Stop.
Oh!
- Hey, Mr. Duncan?
- What?
Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't
realize you were teaching.
Yeah, I'm in the middle of this.
Please. Thank you.
Ah, ah! Now,
if I make it to the desk,
I win a million dollars. Look!
You watching?
If I get to the desk,
I win a million dollars.
Millionaire! Ohhhh!
We did it, kids.
Whoo! We did it!
- Hey, Jeff.
- Gerry.
- Gerry, Jeff.
- Robert.
- How's phys-ed?
- Great. Really good.
Yeah? Kids still
think we're the same?
- You're still doing that thing, huh?
- It's not a thing.
Do you not see the resemblance?
- Between he and I? Yeah.
- Between?
- We're in a dopplegang.
- What? You're not in a gang.
- You don't even fight.
- Gerry, Jeff and I will
be covering for you in your last class
today while you're away on the field trip.
So, I hope the kids
have lots of work to do.
They have lots of work
and make sure they do it
because there's a test coming up.
I will, gives me time to
work on my newsletters.
Yeah.
And you make sure
they don't confuse you and I.
Tell them I'm away,
tell them your name.
Tell them I'm on a field trip.
Oh, because we look so much alike.
Hey, Gerry. You excited
for your field trip?
- I'm Jeff! That's Gerry.
- Jeff!
- Hello? Lisa.
- Easy mistake to make.
- Right here.
- Wow. You guys look so alike.
- Yeah. Uncanny.
- Wow. Uncanny.
Every time. It's like,
people are confused.
Do you see what I'm
talking about? Told you.
Tried to tell him that,
he doesn't see it.
Oh.
- Bobbi, are you all right?
- Yeah, it's just a bit of a sore back.
You're going to be on the bus,
right, in five minutes?
- Yeah, OK. Relax.
- Just say it.
Five minutes, you need me
on the bus.
Easy. Five minutes.
I love field trips.
Eight hour spare today.
She's supervising it.
I just show up. Ratio,
- I'm for the ratio.
- I think actually,
there's a few things
you have to do.
They have to learn stuff.
No, they're nothing
to learn on a field trip.
It's just a day off.
Take care of the kids.
Tour guides do that.
It's a party day.
Good morning, Trudy.
These are for you.
- Good morning to you too.
- I have to get to work on my vice principal's message
- for the newsletter.
- How are you ever going to top last year's opus?
It'll be tough, but that's why I've
carved out the entire day in my schedule.
- So, please, no interruptions.
- Fine.
Oh, and Trudy, I'm going to need
that paperwork turned around PDQ,
so if I could have it by EOD,
that would be OK.
- OK.
- Stay late if you have to.
- GFY, Robert.
- Sorry?
- Have a nice day.
- Wouldn't that be HAND?
- Oh, yeah! HAND.
- HAND, handy.
- Have a nice day you.
- AH.
Let's go, let's go, let's move
it. Big trip today, guys.
- Let's get on the bus.
- Hey, sir.
Hey, Cassandra. Hey, Gupreet.
- Hey, sir.
- All right.
Potato?
Who gave ya that, Jonah?
Father does it with me.
Tell your dad that Mr. D
invented that.
- No, you didn't.
- Yeah and you're missing the best part:
- fries, salt and pepper.
- Are there seat belts on the bus?
- Are there seat? Are you in grade five?
- Yeah.
I don't think there's
seat belts on the bus.
That's not very safe, sir. I don't want
to go. Can't I just go back to class?
Why would you want to go to class?
This is the best day ever. It's a field trip.
- You got no school.
- Museums are kind of scary.
No, museums are not.
Old weapons, bones and mummies.
- Oh, no.
- No, this one's different.
- This one's not like that.
- I really don't want to go.
Tell you what. If you
come, I promise I'll
make sure nothing will
happen. Is that a deal?
- Deal.
- All right. Give me five.
Good guy.
Do you know first aid?
Yeah, I know first aid!
I know the Heimlich.
That's about it.
- I'll show you the Heimlich.
- No, you'll hurt me.
- You'll hurt me, my back.
- Check your pulse?
- No.
- Very rapid.
- You're nervous.
- You make me nervous.
I need you to sign this.
Wow. How can you work
with that buzz in here?
- What buzz?
- Listen. Bzzzzz.
- I don't hear anything.
- Really? Listen again.
I hear, like, a faint buzz, but I don't
know why that would bother anyone.
Oh, well, good. Good for you.
I wouldn't be able to concentrate with that.
Trudy, get me Mr. Malik.
- Let's go, guys. Come on.
- All right, guys, let's go.
- Fun trip. All right.
- OK, that's all the kids
accounted for, right?
That's 38, that's your only job,
- you need to know 38 heads to count.
- My job, 38, Curt Schilling,
- pitcher in my head, stored.
- Don't care.
- Where's Simon, by the way?
- He's meeting us at the museum.
His mom's dropping him off.
Where's your parent volunteer?
- My what?
- Come on. Your parent volunteer.
Oh, for this? For the day.
Picking him up on the way.
- Lives out there. So, just easier.
- Yeah, that's what you do.
Ya pick up your parent
volunteer. Awesome.
- OK, hurry up. Let's go.
- Ahh! Gerry. God!
Some phys-ed teacher you are.
Parent volunteer?
Come on, Bill, I know you're tired,
but please, do me this favor.
I'll owe you big time.
Please.
Pretty please.
Oh, my God.
Mr. Gordan.
Hello, Mr. Gordan. Hello.
- Oh, hey, buddy.
- Hey, Mrs. Gordan.
Listen, thanks again for helping
us out today, Mr. Gordan.
- Will you stop it?
- No problem.
- Who is this? Gerry?
- This is Bill, my roommate.
- Bill, this is Bobbi.
- Hey, Bobbi, it's nice to meet you.
- Hi.
- I forgot to get a parent volun
- Yeah, ya don't say.
- And this is
- Lucille.
- Lucille. See, I knew.
- That's pretty. OK.
- All right.
- You're unbelievable.
- Come on, seriously?
You're unbelievable. You could have
stopped kissing, the kids are watching.
- Would you?
- No.
If I'd known it was just a bulb,
I could have done it myself,
- I just didn't know where the buzz was coming from.
- Perhaps.
I totally could have
changed a bulb myself.
You find me the people,
you make me the one and all I
do is get you all you want.
Right. Couldn't have
said it better myself.
Are you almost done, Robert?
It's time for your
10 o'clock meeting.
I thought I said no interruptions.
Sorry. Completely forgot.
Won't happen again.
- Well, can you just cancel it?
- No, not really.
- Why? Who's the meeting with?
- Look up, why don't ya?
I sit. We talk.
Issues.
- Oh my are you kidding me?
- We can drop her off on the way.
Yeah, 'cause that's what
you do, you drop off the dates
of our parent volunteers on
the way to field trips, right?
- Fantastic.
- He's not really a parent, is he?
- Yes, he is a parent.
- Who's his kid?
His kid's in the school,
but he's not on the trip.
- What's his name?
- Bahram.
Bahram? Why have I
never heard of him?
You don't know every
student in the school.
- Sit down.
- Gerry! Come on.
Bill, Bill, Bill!
We're totally done.
Hey, turn around,
don't watch that.
I'm Gloria, I'm your host
for the day.
These are your tour guides.
Welcome to the museum.
We're all set up, so follow me
to the main entrance.
She's too young.
- For you.
- No.
Stop it. OK guys, hustle inside.
My back is killing me.
- These painkillers are useless.
- How many milligrams you taking?
Probably 30 mg,
you need 60 mg at least.
30 mg won't do anything, the
doctor's won't tell you that.
- They make me nauseous.
- Nausea? I got that.
A little thing I like
to call dimenhydrinate.
Take two of those,
you should feel way better.
How do you know
so much about this?
I thought about going
into pharmaceutical sales,
- but I went teaching instead.
- Oh. Chewable?
No, no, swallow it,
I'm used to them.
- They're addictive though, be careful.
- What?
- Oh, there's Simon.
- Thanks for the ride, Mom.
- And his mom.
- How was the bus ride, loser?
- Hi, Gerry.
- Hello, Mrs. Hunt.
- Have a good day.
- You too, Mrs. Hunt.
Hello, Mr. Cheeley. Trudy
said we could come right in.
Trudy
- What is it, Mr. Leung?
- This is Mr. Jefferson.
Yeah, I know who Mr. Jefferson is.
What's the problem?
- Go on. Tell him.
- I drew a penis on Moby Dick.
And he did not refer
to it as a penis earlier.
Mr. Jefferson, have a seat please.
- Have a seat, Mr. Jefferson.
- Mr. Leung, you can go.
I'm going to stay for the justice.
- Fine.
- Make sure he tells you the whole story.
- Oh, good, there's more.
- Should have seen what he did
to Tale of Two
Moses is not holding the
Ten Commandments anymore.
He's holding something else.
This is great, we don't have to do anything.
These tour guides do the whole thing.
I wonder if we could
leave for a bit.
- What?
- I didn't say anything.
I'm gonna be back in a thing,
or I'm just gonna go for a jiggy,
and then you're going to look
after the kids for a jiffy, OK?
I'm just tired.
I need a coffee or something,
or a coffee! A coffee.
Yeah. Oops. Hey.
Not cigarettes, she mixed drugs.
- You gave her drugs?
- I gave her drugs, but
- Bad Gerry.
- No, it
The drugs were to help her,
Simon. They weren't
Bad.
- Um, sir?
- Hey, buddy. Isn't this great?
- I told ya.
- No, can't you take me back to school?
- But we just got here.
- I've seen enough. It's scary here.
What's scary? The tortoise?
- You're afraid of the tortoise?
- I have a thing with tortoises.
- Turtles too.
- What could a tortoise do to you?
- What if it gets out?
- Gets out?
Do you know how slow a
If it gets out, you walk away.
You just walk away.
That's how slow they are.
As slow as you want. If you're
going to be afraid of an animal
be afraid of something that kills you,
like a shark, a tiger or a moose.
- Not a tortoise.
- A moose? I didn't even know a moose could kill you.
If a moose got hold of you,
a moose could rip you apart.
It would you gotta relax.
You can't spend your life
being afraid of everything.
- Yeah, I guess.
- All right? Now go have some fun.
Get outta here, tiger
get outta here, swan. Go, swan.
OK, do you guys know if there
was any work left for you?
There was no work left for us,
Mr. Duncan.
- That's good. Mr. Lemire.
- I'm Mr. Lemire.
I get confused,
you guys look alike.
- Mr. Duncan and I?
- It's a little freaky.
Jimmy, he's a little
bit older than I am.
Hey, sorry I'm late, Mr. Duncan.
- Mr. Lemire.
- Oh. Sorry, sir.
You see? You look like Mr. Duncan.
Except Mr. Duncan's younger.
He looks younger? Are you kidding?
- And thinner.
- Thinner?
That's how we tell the difference,
heavy and old, Mr. Lemire.
Thin and young, Mr. Duncan.
OK, that's about enough of this.
Did Mr. Duncan leave
you guys any work?
Oh, he wanted to keep it
simple for you today
'cause you're not an academic teacher,
so we should have a work period.
- He said that?
- That's the other way we can tell the difference
he teaches a real subject.
See? There's a big skeleton,
but it's dead.
It's just a skeleton, bones,
nothing to be afraid of.
So it's even scarier than a moose?
OK, Alex, let's just
forget about the moose,
pretend we never
even talked about it.
So a moose can't kill you?
No, a moose could kill you,
if it found you.
If it's hungry it might eat you,
it might stomp on you,
I don't know, but there's
no moose! It's fish. Okay?
Have fun, go enjoy this place.
Hey! OK, that's probably
not appropriate,
not sure your boss
would approve of that, Gloria.
- I am the boss.
- She's the boss.
OK. Have you guys seen Bobbi?
No, she wandered away for a bit,
I haven't seen her in a while.
I wasn't paying attention.
I was with the boss.
I gotta find Bobbi.
- Uh, Mr. Hunt?
- Yeah?
- Have you seen Ms. Galka.
- No, I haven't seen her.
Mr. Hunt? I don't know
where Ms. Galka is right now.
- I don't know either.
- Have you seen Alex?
I just saw Alex.
Was that before or after
he ran out of here crying?
He ran outside crying?
Why didn't you tell me?
I just did.
- Why did he do that?
- He saw that.
Oh, my gosh, are you kidding?
You told him a moose would eat him,
stomp on him or kill him. Easily.
He said all that to him? To Alex?
I said it could kill him.
Well, more likely now
he's going to be killed
by a car or a stranger
because he's missing.
I wish you were missing.
OK, Simon?
Now can you watch the kids? 'Cause I gotta
go find Alex 'cause he's lost right now.
- Got it, Pablo Escobar.
- That's funny, Simon.
Hello, Robert. Well, I managed
to finish all my work today.
How did your letter turn out?
You know for a fact
I didn't get it done.
And, now I have
to cover off the second half
of Mr. Duncan's class.
So maybe I'll work on it in there,
- where it's quiet.
- Oh, well, it's got to get done,
so stay late if you have to.
Know what I'm sayin'?
Alex? C'mon Alex.
Are you lost? You're lost.
Well, there's your mommy.
Go with your mommy.
I don't have time.
- Come here, hon.
- Might want to hang on to your kids, ma'am.
- Yeah, thanks.
- What kind of parent is that?
Bat Area! Alex! Are you in here?
Stop playin' around.
Alex? Alex, is that you?
Come on out,
I'll wait right here, OK?
- I'm not coming out.
- Oh, my gosh.
OK, all right. I'll come get you.
Even though I'm claustrophobic.
I'll come Oh, my gosh.
I really need you to get on the bus.
I don't like tight spaces.
I can't, I'm scared of the turtles,
the whales and the moose.
You're scared of everything
but dark tunnels, eh?
No, it's safe here.
The museum is scary and you
said nothing bad would happen.
This is bad for me. This is
OK, can you meet me halfway?
I'm not going back out there.
These walls, do they
feel like they're closing in?
OK, I'll come getcha
OK, here we go. Here we go.
I see you I see you.
OK OK.
OK, you're still a little bit
out of my reach. Oh, gosh.
OK. Oh, don't look back.
Listen, you know when horses
are in a burning barn?
What they do
is they cover their eyes.
They go through the smoke.
When we go back, we'll hold hands,
we'll stay really tight,
we'll help each other get through this.
Sir, I'm scared of horses.
Hey, little man,
you scared of ice cream?
No.
All right, if you come out,
Mr. Duncan's going
- to buy us all ice cream.
- OK.
Yeah, good deal, eh, buddy?
Bill? Now someone come for me.
All right! You made it out.
Way to go, buddy.
- Good job. Found that, homie.
- Welcome back.
Guys? OK, go fast.
Go don't think about it.
I don't have any money
for ice cream.
OK, everyone,
let's get back on the bus.
- Nice job, Bill. Let's go.
- Thank you.
Bill saved Alex, sir.
No, Lucy. No, I had
him in there. I had him.
- Time to get the bus, champ.
- Oh, God.
Suffocating in there.
I risked my life.
Bill didn't do it.
Oh, God, that was scary.
OK, please just continue on
with whatever it is you were doing.
I have a lot of work to do.
- Ms. Garland?
- Mr. Duncan left me instructions on what we
- were supposed to do today.
- How thoughtful. Let's hear them.
First we gotta split
into groups of three and
discuss the benefits of
the NAFTA agreement
- for ten minutes.
- OK, so let's go ahead and do that.
- There's more, sir.
- Go on.
He wants you to evaluate us
on how well we work together,
how much we accomplished
and how strong our argument is.
- You will then give us a mark out of ten.
- Fine.
And after we're done
that, he asked that you
put these notes on
the board for us to copy.
Why wouldn't he just
make photocopies?
He said he ran out of copies this term
and you wouldn't give him any extra.
OK, so why don't you go ahead
and do the first part quickly
while I jot the notes down on the board.
Thank you, Jimmy.
Tuck in your shirt.
Justine, do me a favor and go count
how many people we have here, OK?
- And let me know what you get.
- I got her number.
Yeah, your wheeling and dealing
almost cost me my job. Nice.
Well, me not being here could
have cost you your job, so
It's good thing I saved that kid.
You never saved the kid.
I saved the kid.
- I saved the kid. I'm a hero.
- You did not.
- I wish Bill was our teacher.
- Get on the bus, Jonah.
- He knows what's up.
- How many people?
- 38 students, sir.
- 38, Curt Schilling.
Let's go! On the bus!
You gave me a real scare.
- Really?
- Yeah, really.
Is that why you got all sweaty
and nervous in the cave?
Geez, sir. You can't spend your
life being scared of everything.
Are you kidding me?
You're scared of a tortoise.
Mr. Duncan, quite the
lesson plan you left yesterday.
Yeah, lots going on.
Sorry about all that.
Well, I managed to get most
of your notes on the board.
There were a lot, and your group
evaluations are right there on your desk.
But that's not what I'm doing,
"Alexander The Great"
with my senior class.
That's my grade nine class.
So you wrote the wrong notes.
Uh-oh.
So it was
a complete waste of time?
No, because, actually I have
to do that and now it's done.
- So thank you.
- What about the group evaluations? Yup.
That was a waste of time.
- Hey! Jeff!
- Hey, Gerry.
- How'd it go?
- Oh, it was great.
Yeah, you were right, the kids
thought we were one and the same.
I tried to tell you that
over and over again. OK?
Thank God you wore phys-ed attire.
What if I start teaching phys-ed?
That's gonna be
confusing for everyone.
I think so. We'll figure it out.
All right, thanks for covering it.
Yeah, see ya, Gerry.
- Oh, boy. Hey!
- Hey, sir.
I gave the wrong notes to
Mr. Cheeley just like you said.
I saw that. What about Mr. Lemire?
Was everybody a little
thrown thinking it was me?
Still a few people were confused.
I know. There's gotta
be something we can do.
You know, he even
kind of sounds like you.
He does sound like me!
You know what?
He never started sounding
like me until he met me.
It's almost like
he's trying to emulate.
- Sorry about the confusion.
- Yeah, it's OK.
Attention, the museum
is now closing for the day.