The Andy Griffith Show (1960) s01e10 Episode Script

( whistling sprightly tune)
Starring Andy Griffith
with Ronny Howard.
Also starring Don Knotts.
( guitar playing)
Why's everybody looking at me?
Well, we got to.
We got to see
that to believe it.
How many you
reckons gone down into
that bottomless pit so far?
I stopped counting at four.
What you doing?
Just checking to see if they're
coming out of your head.
Spot anything?
Not yet.
Good, then I got room
for marshmallows.
Oh no.
You eat anymore,
you'll swell up so tight
your freckles will fall off.
( laughing)
Say, uh, how's about you and me
taking a little walk
down by the lake, Hilda May?
Oh, I really should
help clean up here.
Oh, no, you two go ahead.
I can do it.
Well, if you're sure
you don't mind.
( Barney grunting)
( chuckling)
All right.
I hope there aren't
any wild animals.
If I were you, i wouldn't
worry too much about
the wild animals.
Aunt Bee, can you and me
take a walk through the woods
and look for gophers?
Oh, now, I should
stay and help Ellie.
No, you go ahead, Aunt Bee.
Really? I can clean up.
All right. Come on, Opie.
Oh.
Okay, then after we get back
can I eat some more hot dogs?
Walkin' makes me hungry.
Oh, now, Opie,
you've had enough.
You know, it's a good thing
that boy ain't a beaver.
There wouldn't be a
tree left in these woods.
You know you sure
do add to a picnic.
You really do.
I used to think all you needed
was weenies and
lemonade and potato salad
but you round it off real nice.
Well, thank you kindly, Sheriff.
When you rate me right up there
with potato salad,
I know you care.
( sighing)
( moaning)
Andy, what's that?
What's what?
That article about
candidates for the city council?
Oh, I don't know.
I imagine it's a article
about the candidates
for the city council.
But, Andy, look who they are.
Well, what's so
special about it?
Just the same
fellas that always run.
Every one of those candidates
for city council is a man.
Well, that's why they
call 'em council men.
It does seem to fit.
I-I think that's awful.
Why don't they have
women running for council?
You say something about
women runnin' for council?
Well, why not?
Because one of 'em might win.
And why not?
They do everywhere else.
Apparently you don't
think much of women.
Oh, well, now, you're
taking it personal.
Darn right I am.
Oh, well, now
that's a silly attitude.
Silly?!
Oh, oh, I didn't
mean to say that.
No, I didn't mean
to say that a bit.
It just slipped right
out of my mouth.
Here, give it, give
it right back to me.
( sucking)
Well, there, it's back.
( groaning)
And it had a bad taste.
That's the way a
pretty young girl
ought to look at a picnic.
Not scrunched up over
a whole mess of politics.
You're right.
Well, actually, I wasn't
discussing politics.
I guess I was just
trying to defend my sex.
And with perfect right.
Shows you got a lot
of pride and dignity.
Thank you.
And no need to thank me either.
I was just statin' a fact.
Whole lot of times we
do things and say things
even though we know deep
down they're just plain silly.
Oh, did that bad-tastin'
word slip out again?
Ellie
I didn't mean to say it.
Don't go.
Uh, Ellie
It's just one of them
greasy words that slips out
without you a-knowin' it.
If that ain't the silliest
Oh
Uh
how's this, uh,
sound to you, Otis?
Uh, it starts off,
it says, uh, it says
"Dear Ellie
"I am sorry about yesterday.
"I would not intentionally
insult you or any other woman.
Please forgive me."
Signed "Your friend
and admirer of women
everywhere, Andy."
No. No, no.
No, Andy.
Don't never
apologize to a woman.
I say, if you got a
argument with a woman
stand up and fight it out.
Well, fightin' it out's
what put you behind
them bars, Otis.
But she threw a dish at me.
You swung a leg of lamb at her.
But I missed her.
Yeah, but you hit her mother.
Yeah.
Right in the mouth.
( laughing)
Otis, you can't do that.
When dealin' with women
you got to be calm
and cool and gentle.
You can't go around
hittin' them in the mouth.
What's the matter with you?
Sheriff.
Sheriff, guess what.
What?
Oh, hi, Otis.
Say, I just seen
your mother-in-law
comin' out of the dentist.
Andy, guess what.
What?
Go ahead and guess.
Guess what?
That's right.
Go ahead and
guess. Try and guess.
I can't.
Oh, guess!
Well, let's see
Ellie Walker just signed
up to run for council.
No!
See, I told you
you wouldn't guess.
Well, it's true.
She's got a bunch of
women goin' around
right now with a petition
to get on the ballot.
Hilda May's one of them.
A woman running for council?
That's awful. We
can't have that.
That's what I tried
to tell Hilda May.
I was so upset, I come
darn near not signin' it.
Do you mean to stand there
on them two skinny feet of yours
and tell me you actually
signed that petition?
Well well, darn it, Andy
she-she-she's got ways.
Got ways?
Aw, what kind of ways?
Well, she-she sweet-talked me.
Sweet-talked you?
What'd she say to you?
Well, come on, what, what?
What'd she say?
She said, uh, she
said B-B-Barney
Yeah.
Honey
Yeah. Yeah.
Sugar
Yeah, yeah.
Cream puff
Cream puff?
That's right cream puff!
Didn't you ever hear
of a cream puff before?!
What's the difference?
No woman's gonna win.
That ain't the point.
It's just bad havin' a
woman runnin', cream puff.
Well, yeah, boy,
it ain't never happened
in Mayberry before.
Could stir up a right
good-sized hornet's nest.
Maybe I better try to unstir it.
You going to have
a talk with Ellie?
Yeah, I reckon I
better, cream puff.
You can talk all you
want, but if you want results
hit her in the mouth
with a leg of lamb.
( bell rings)
Yes, what can I do for you?
Oh it's you.
Uh, I don't, uh
I don't blame you
for being mad at me
and I'm I'm sorry
about yesterday.
Well, as a matter
of fact, so am I.
I was rude to walk
out on you, Andy.
I'm sorry.
Do you accept my apology?
Well, I reckon I do.
Oh, good.
Let's have a peace offering.
Fine.
I'll buy you a soda.
Oh. Oh, that's right
that's not much of
a treat for you, is it?
It's kind of like
offering a shoemaker
an extra mouthful of tacks.
( both laugh)
Well, let me fix you one anyway.
All right.
Oh, it's good for you to laugh,
especially after
you've been mad.
( chuckling)
Oh, and speakin' of laughin'
a fellow told me
the funniest thing.
I near 'bout died.
Have you heard the
wild rumor goin' around
town about you?
You don't mean about
me running for council?
You've heard it.
Ain't that he most
ridiculous thing
you ever heard of?
No. No?
No.
It happens to be true.
Oh, Ellie,
you don't want to
concern yourself
with government business.
You want to let the
men worry about that.
All you want to worry
your pretty little head about
is woman's stuff You
know, goin' shoppin'
and lookin' in windows
and tryin' on hats
and eatin' them
little bitty sandwiches
that you have at the
parties, and gossiping.
Y-you see what I mean?
Oh, I see.
Good.
A woman should keep her place,
stay where she belongs.
A woman shouldn't try to think
along the same level as a man.
Why? Because we're
simple-minded little fools.
Now, Eleanor, you're
puttin' words in my mouth
Well let me put in a few more.
I am not withdrawing.
I have every intention
of running for council.
What's more, I
intend to encourage
other women to do the same.
Who knows? The day may come
when the city
council of Mayberry
is comprised entirely of women.
Put that in your
soda and sip it.
Otis was right.
All they understand's
a leg of lamb.
Here, here's one.
Put that one up right there.
Never smile on these
wanted pictures, do they?
Not so's you can tell it.
Reckon they ain't got
nothing to smile about.
Dinner, everybody!
Here you are. Oh, look out.
Oh, boy, I could eat a horse.
Ain't got a horse
but it looks like some
mighty good fried chicken.
BARNEY: Mmm, look at that.
( all clamoring over food)
Honey, chicken
look at them turnip greens.
Have to save that
gizzard for Barney.
Have you heard the news?
Have you heard the news?!
What news?
Ellie turned in her petition.
She got enough
names to run for council.
You don't mean it.
She needed a hundred names.
And that's exactly what she got.
An even hundred.
Well, isn't it exciting?
The first time in Mayberry
a woman ever ran for office?
We're growing up
like the big cities.
Oh, Otis, I hope
you're out of jail
in time to vote.
I ain't hungry.
( sighs): I wouldn't
have believed it.
A hundred names.
I never thought
she'd get enough.
Yeah, how about that?
Yeah, how about that?
If she'd just got 99, she
wouldn't have made it
but she got a hundred!
Amazing what that hundredth name
can do on a petition, ain't it?
Andy, my name wasn't
the hundredth one.
It was the very first.
Andy
have you heard the news?
My wife's all for this
and she ain't the only one.
No telling where
it's liable to end.
It's liable to snowball
clear out of control.
This is the worst thing
that ever happened to this town.
It's Mayberry's darkest hour.
Oh, now, fellas, it
can't be that bad.
There he is.
There's the weak-kneed,
chicken-livered
yellow-streak turncoat.
Now, look, Sam
you got something
to say, say it.
Now, now, boys
it ain't no use to let
your tempers flare.
If Barney hadn't
signed that petition
why, they would have
gotten their hundredth name
someplace else.
There ain't no use
to come in here
and chew him out.
Thanks, Andy.
It's okay, turncoat.
All right, forgetting Barney
and getting back to the problem.
We're laying this
right at your door.
We ain't never had a woman
run for office in
Mayberry before.
Now what you
going to do about it?
Yeah, you're friendly with her.
Now, now, just wait a minute.
Now, Ellie's just
running for council.
Now, running is a
long ways from winning.
Don't be too sure.
They're a lot of women
voters in this town.
Just as many as there are men.
Not to mention a few men
that might go
over to their side.
What man would vote for a woman?
The same weak-kneed,
chicken-livered
yellow-streak turncoat
that would sign a petition!
I'm just waiting for
you to go too far.
I said, running is a long
ways from winning, and it is.
Now, if you don't want
something to happen
you don't stand around
and whine about it.
You do something.
What?
Look.
Now, we control
the purse strings
ain't that right?
Now, suppose we
showed our womenfolk
where they're going to have
to do without certain things
if they get too cute about
this election business.
Suppose, like, for instance
charge accounts
just stopped charging.
Yeah. That might work, huh?
Hey, that's a good idea, Andy.
Maybe then they'll think twice
before running a
woman for office.
By golly, I'm going
down to Davis' store
and cut that charge
account off right now.
Otis!
Huh?
You're still a
prisoner, you know?
Can I use the phone?
Help yourself.
I want to call the store.
Yeah.
Sara, get me
Davis' store, will ya?
This will hurt her
more than a leg of lamb
across the mouth.
( no audio)
( clamoring)
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute now.
The men started this.
We have some
pretty potent weapons
to fight them back with.
We have?
Why, sure, we have.
There you are, Opie,
good old scrambled eggs.
Is that what they are?
Of course that's what they are.
What'd you think they are?
It's kind of hard to tell
under all the black part.
It's not black.
It's well-done.
Oh, you mean like the
well-done, black rice
we had for lunch yesterday.
Opie, I'm having
some delicious, homemade stew.
Wouldn't you like to join me?
No, ma'am.
I'm sticking with the men.
That's a time.
No matter how much
it hurts my stomach.
Now, lookie here, boy.
I don't claim
to be the best cook in
the world, you know?
Well, you sure ain't.
All right. Eat your eggs.
Now, now, boys,
what's the trouble?
Are you having
difficulty getting along
without us second-rate women?
( knocking)
Come in the house!
Oh, Ellie.
Well, what are you
doing in the enemy camp?
I just came by to say "you win."
Huh?
I'm withdrawing my
name as candidate.
How's that?
Oh, Ellie, why?
It just isn't worth
it, Aunt Bee.
You know the rally
down at the hotel
where the loyal opposition
gathered to jeer and poke fun?
Well, it's just not worth it.
And, and you're going to quit?
That's right.
When I decided to run
I had no intention of starting
a civil war in Mayberry.
I happen to like
it here too much.
Does that mean we beat 'em, Paw?
Yeah, I reckon it does.
We won, we beat them females.
We kept them in their place.
Wait just a minute.
Us menfolks don't want women
running our town, do we, Paw?
Now, there's
a fine example of
raising a little boy.
Uh
Well, Andy?
Uh, uh, Ellie!
WOMAN: I say that
we've been living
in the dark ages long enough.
( women cheering)
Women are just as capable
of running Mayberry as the men.
More so.
( cheering)
WOMAN: We want Ellie!
We want Ellie!
We want Ellie!
There's Ellie now!
( cheering)
( band playing)
We want Ellie!
We want Ellie!
Hold it! Hold it!
All right! All right!
But first, now, I want
to say something.
Give 'em what for, Andy.
Whoa, now!
Whoa! Hold back
there a little bit.
Hurray! Attaboy, Andy!
That's Andy up there.
He's my boy. Yay!
Whoo!
ANDY: Now, first off
I reckon you women know
that it's against the law
to hold a big meeting like this
in a public place
without a permit.
( murmuring)
But, now, now, I reckon
we can overlook that
little detail this time.
( murmuring)
The fact is
we got more important
things to consider here.
Now, now, we men are against
a woman running for council.
Yeah! Yeah, Andy!
( clamoring)
ANDY: All right! All right!
The woman in this
case being Ellie Walker.
Now, we're against her
because she's a woman.
But now, when you try to
think of any other reason
you kind of draw a blank.
Now, I heard my little boy,
Opie, just a little while ago
say something against women.
And I want to
tell you the truth.
I was ashamed.
I really was.
I was ashamed because
he was just parroting
what he had heard me say.
See, I've made him, I've
made him anti-woman.
And by-and-by
some of these times
when he grows up
and wants to get married
why, if you ruled out women
why, that cuts down
the field a good bit.
And, well, I don't
know, what I'm getting at
is, is I hate to admit it
but if Ellie wants
to run for council
well, I reckon
she's got a right to.
WOMEN: Hurrah!
( band playing)
Hurrah!
Oh, Andy.
Well
there's one for
the books, ain't it?
A sheriff being kissed
by a councilman.
And speaking for
sheriffs everywhere
I'm for that.
It's time for
Opie to go to bed ♪
Time for Opie to go to bed ♪
One more, Paw.
No, now, another one more.
Time for you to go to bed.
Now get right on up there.
Give me a little
smug right there.
Good night, Paw.
Good night, Miss Ellie.
Good night, honey.
'Night, Opie. Get on up.
I declare, that boy'll "one
more song" me to midnight
if I let him stay up.
Oh, howdy, Barney.
Come on up on the porch.
Andy.
Hi.
Ellie.
Where's, uh, where's Hilda May?
Walked her home.
Oh, you did, did you?
What's, uh, the matter
with your jaw there?
Where?
On your cheek, right there.
That little red smudge.
Is that some of
Hilda May's lipstick.
I guess so.
I don't use the stuff,
for heaven sakes.
Oh, Hilda May give him
a little kissy, didn't she?
She call you "cream puff"?
Barney's a cream
puff, so they so say ♪
Barney's a cream
puff, so they say ♪
Barney's a cream
puff, so they say ♪
He's called that
by Hilda May ♪
Oh, now, Andy.
Stop teasing Barney.
Oh, let him go, Ellie.
He thinks he's so funny.
It's breaking me up.
Hardy-har, hardy-har.
Maybe I do pick at him too much.
Seem like I can't
help it, though.
I reckon I'll quit.
I reckon I'll just quit
pickin' at everybody.
Yeah.
Eleanor Walker, councilman ♪
Won the election
and away she ran ♪
Everybody knows
she's just a phillie ♪
Running for
council's just plain silly ♪
I won't, I won't,
I won't no more.
I won't pick at you
near another time.
( chuckling)
Time for me to shut my mouth ♪
Time for me to shut my mouth ♪
Time for me to shut my mouth ♪
'Fore I give up and
leave the South. ♪