D-Frag! (2014) s01e11 Episode Script

[TAKAO whimpers]
It's settled, then:
I'll be the referee.
Fifty-fifty Fujisaki!
The hell are you
supposed to be?
He's famous for taking
the middle ground, dude.
What, were you born yesterday?
Quite.
He's as fair a ref as they come.
[KAZAMA 'Scuse me for
living under a rock.
[FUJISAKI] Heh.
[FUJISAKI] Ever since you
defeated me at the Bag Scramble,
I've gotten much
closer to achieving
the ideal of true
fifty-fifty impartiality.
So, thanks.
I owe ya.
[KAZAMA] Okay.
No clue what you're
talkin' about.
That's, nice and all.
But, uh, do we even
have a game picked out?
[CHITOSE, KAZAMA,
ROKA, and SAKURA] Mmm!
[TAKAO gasps]
[coughs]
As it happens, I have
something in mind.
Step one: using the
notepad-slash-memo screen
of your phone, type a question.
Interesting. Then?
Well, once the timer starts,
the object is to steal
your opponents' phone.
That done, you answer the
question entered in their
memo screen and fire it off
to the referee for appraisal.
That's me!
[dinging]
Answer right and the owner
of said phone is out.
[buzzing]
Guess wrong,
play a penalty game.
It'll be four on four,
the team that still has a member
standing when the
smoke clears, wins.
The entire school will
be our playing field.
This, ladies and gentlemen
is "Cell Thieves."
Not perfect, but
Oh, I'm likin' this.
Quick question.
Is assault a regulation
move for nabbing a phone?
Uh. No, not exactly!
Fairly straightforward
rules of conduct.
Yeah! I'm a big fan
of the full-contact,
no-holds-barred
approach.
[TAKAO] Stop!
FYI, I modeled
this game on tag!
Do not, I repeat:
do not consider it
a reason to throw down!
[KAZAMA] Huh?
[TAKAO] Hm?
Don't worry,
no one'll get hurt.
Yeah, yeah, respect
for personal boundaries.
Blah blah.
[TAKAO] Great.
[STUDENTS murmur]
[FUJISAKI]
All right, teams.
Let's go! Game starts in ten,
so scatter across the
school where you will.
Ready--
Hang on just a sec.
Pony up, guys.
We know the stakes for our side,
if the Third Years win,
the GCCP disbands.
What happens if you lose?
[TAMA] Huh?
We'll donate money
to your club.
To the tune of ten thousand yen.
Wait!
You mean the money I found
and turned in to the police?
I thought that was a gift
from your grandpa!
Yes, well, it
spends the same.
Yay! Ten thousand yen!
Whoa, hold up!
We're suddenly okay with this?
Feels like we're
crossin' a line here.
Hey, at the end of the day,
it's not the cash we're after.
It's the look on their faces
when they lose to us.
[KAZAMA] I'm in!
Let's get this
show on the road!
Like, for real.
Ready
go!
Where do you think
you're headed, missy?
[TAMA chuckles]
Wouldn't you like to know?
[CHITOSE] Whaddya say we give
this game a little kick?
Heh, yeah.
Hey Kazama, I'm gonna need
you to look after Roka.
[KAZAMA] What?
Where'd that come
from all of a sudden?
Whoa!
What's going on?
I had a feeling she
wouldn't recover in time.
I tried stalling
as long as I could.
Stop being cute.
What's this about?
[SAKURA] Oh, I get it.
Struck me as kinda weird that
Tama was rambling for so long.
She was depleting
Roka's life-force
right under our noses!
[TAMA] Mm?
Stop being a pain in the butt
and get her to
the nurse's office.
Or wherever,
just away from here.
[KAZAMA] Why me?
I'd do it, but there's something
I've got to take care of.
[KAZAMA] Huh?
Somebody needs to put the screws
to Peggy Pigtails, don't they?
Oh, I'm dying to know
what madam President
has up her sleeve for me!
No. Chitose, please don't.
She's too much for you.
[CHITOSE]
I've got this, go.
Besides, a girl's entitled
have fun every now and then.
Right?
Chitose
Hm. Fine.
I think we should
do what she says.
Yeah.
[CHITOSE] S'up?
Ah, same old, same old
y'know, can't complain.
[CHITOSE]
Oh, is that a fact?
We're the unimportant side
characters this time, huh?
[ROKA] Bite your tongue
and have some faith!
[SAKURA] Huh?
We're cleverly
taking a back seat
until we can storm the climax.
Look at yourself.
You're in no shape
to storm anything.
Not to worry,
I have a strategy!
Depending on the method
by which I'm carried,
my recovery speed
significantly varies.
The Princess Carry!
Personally, I recommend
Number Three,
as that's the only fool-proof
method among our options.
Yeah, I think a piggyback
ride will be just fine!
Hey Kazama. Are you
taking this seriously?!
[KAZAMA]
Well of course I am!
You are, right?
Never mind your eyes say it all!
[ROKA]
Indeed they do.
Let us hope I recuperate
quickly for Chitose's sake.
[KAZAMA grunts]
Actually, I could
get used to this.
If only time might stop
whilst I'm in your arms!
Well that was quite
the turn around,
I thought you were feelin'
drained or whatever
[ROKA]
Utterly sapped, yes.
If you're tryin'
to play me,
I swear I'll toss you out
of the first window I see!
'Kay, I'll drop her off
at the nurse's office
and come right back.
Are you sure about this?
[CHITOSE chuckles]
Come on, who do you
think you're talkin' to?
Get back as fast as you can.
[CHITOSE and TAMA]
Hmm?
[TAKAO sighs]
[CHITOSE]
An innocent young maiden
abandoned on the battlefield!
[TAMA] That makes things
more challenging.
But regardless.
[CHITOSE and TAMA]
She's goin' down!
Eight minutes 'til
the game begins, girls.
[phone beeps]
[ringing]
Uh. Hi, Inada?
[TAKAO gasps]
Aw, yeah! This'll be
Ataru's big moment!
[TAKAO]
Where did he come from?
Uh, seven minutes,
actually. So
[KAZAMA] Heads up,
Funabori! Comin' through!
[FUNABORI] Kazuma?
[ROKA]
Emergency med pack. Excellent.
[SAKURA] Delicious!
Hey!
Sorry, pal.
This hallway's closed
for destruction.
[KAZAMA] What?
Wait, you're that!
Uh Who're you again?
Odawara of the Band
of Fourteen Devils!
There was a whole
episode about us!
I'm the leader.
[KAZAMA]
Not these guys!
I thought there were
more of 'em last time.
[ODAWARA] Tama opened
the arcades up to us again
after we was banned.
So me an' my posse got
a dog in this fight!
[BAND OF 14 DEVILS]
Hell yeah!
How much clout does this
Tama chick actually have?
And like I said, this hall's
closed for destruction!
[KAZAMA] Dudes, the game
hasn't even started yet!
Game? Heh.
No idea what you're
talkin' about.
We're just a bunch of guys
hanging out in a random hallway,
doin' our thing.
Damn, why's he gotta
play it like that?
Even if my hands were free,
I couldn't take all of 'em on.
Why didn't I
bring more water?
These idiots
wouldn't be an issue
if I was properly hydrated.
[KAZAMA grunts]
[SIOU] And I suppose, in the
grand scheme of things,
we're chopped liver?
[KAZAMA and SAKURA] Ah!
[KAZAMA]
What the hell?
[SIOU chuckles]
You are only allowed to look
after Roka by my dispensation.
You want we should
take care of these jerks?
We got more than enough
members handle 'em now.
[KAZAMA] Whoa!
Where'd they come from?
[GUYS yell]
[YOKOSHIMA groans]
[KAZAMA] I don't wanna seem
ungrateful for the help
or anything, but the number
of dudes in here right now
makes it kinda
uncomfortable.
[SIOU yells]
[SIOU] Go, Kazama!
Eye of the needle!
[ODAWARA grunts]
[SIOU] Ah! Oh, my.
I absolutely love cramped
spaces, how about you?
Well, have a ball.
[FUJISAKI] We're now lookin' at
three minutes 'til Cell Thieves.
It's not exactly easy
to run like this.
I believe in you!
Fight it, Kazama!
[KAZAMA]
Knock it off!
[SAKURA] I don't wanna
add any pressure,
but we're running out of time
before the game starts!
Let's look at
this logically,
Chitose's got our biggest
threat on lockdown, right?
So why are we even that worried?
She handles Tama,
we handle the others,
easy peezy, nice an' sleazy.
I wish it was as
straightforward as that.
Do what?
Though admittedly
not much to look at,
the ex-Student Council
types are formidable.
Yeah, well you'll have to
forgive me if I'm not seein' it.
I think a quick rundown of the
Third Years we're up against
is in order.
First up, we have the
ex-Treasurer, Azuma Matsubara.
Flawless grade-point average,
Possibly Fujuo's
smartest student ever.
Let that sink in.
[GUYS] Ever? Ever?
[ROKA] She excels in sports,
and has high moral standards.
She's not gonna
be easy to beat.
[KAZAMA] Oh, gimme a break.
Nobody's that perfect.
[ROKA] Next, we have
ex-Vice President Naganuma.
Undisputed heavyweight anime
expert, prides himself on
watching all the late-night
titles as they air.
Incidentally walks around
with his eyes closed,
or half-closed, at least--
to balance out the
corresponding sleep deficit.
[KAZAMA] Wait, he's
an otaku? That guy?
I thought he was just a dork!
[ROKA] We're also dealing
with ex-Clerk, Shinsen,
a.k.a. Barfy.
According to legend, she vomits
acid, acid quite possibly able
to melt through to
the earth's core.
[KAZAMA] Not to ruin
your exposition,
but we need to talk about
the order of these pictures.
Anyway, what I'm
takin' from all this
is that we just need
to be on our guard.
[MASON]
Fire Archer! Fire--
It's been ten minutes,
the game is afoot!
[MATSUBARA] Then let
us begin, shall we?
[KAZAMA] Hm?
You kind of announced
yourself there
before launching
your first strike.
I suddenly have a lot
of respect for you.
Nice form.
I'm a very giving person.
[bones crack]
S'pose that's enough
beatin' around the bush?
Let's get on
with it then.
[CHITOSE] Heh.
[SAKURA] Ultimate Attack!
Dance of the Narcissus!
[MATSUBARA chuckles]
How fascinating.
[SAKURA]
Heh. Heh, ha.
[KAZAMA] Uuuhhh
[phone buzzes]
Yeah, this's Roka.
[TAKAO] Huh?!
Why did you pick up?
Never mind, we've got problems,
i.e. The President!
[crashing sound]
[ROKA] Eh?!
[phone beeps]
What? What's goin' on?
You two make a run for it,
I've got you covered!
Get Roka somewhere
out of harm's way
and hightail it back to
the classroom, STAT,
Chitose's gonna need
all the help she can get!
Uh, right!
You don't think the Prez is
in that much of a bind, do ya?
I mean, she seemed so confident
'bout keepin' Tama in check.
One has to wonder.
Huh?! Her defensive
measures are unprecedented!
You really know how to
take a beating, Ataru.
Do we need to call someone?
[ATARU groans]
Wasn't there an old proverb
about true diamonds
never breaking, or something?
Oh, I didn't realize that's
what we were going for here.
I bet that I can break him
with a couple more hits.
I, uh
I hate to be that girl,
but is this legal?
We agreed the game
would be four on four.
While technically
she's using him
as last-minute addition
to the team.
Well, as a shield.
He's allowed!
[ATARU] Thank you!
[KAZAMA grunts]
[NAGANUMA]
Tough luck, huh?
I wouldn't trade places
with you guys for anything.
[bones crack]
I'm sorry, man.
The rules of engagement
forbid me from showing mercy.
[KAZAMA]
Damn, he's good.
Look at him.
You can just tell.
I have a soft spot, though.
Voice actresses and girls who
sound like voice actresses
all get a pass from me.
I'm not a machine!
[KAZAMA]
Okay, I take it back.
You're up a creek, pal!
But the girls pose
a problem for me,
they both sound like they
could easily dub anime.
Even now I can imagine them
voicing some of my
favorite characters!
Real fans always go sub!!
Oh, you.
Don't encourage this jackass!
[SAKURA] Ah!
Nice moves!
You haven't seen
anything yet.
[NAGANUMA] Oh! Get a grip, dude!
They're nobodies.
These girls are just normal
high school students.
They aren't voice actresses.
They just sound like it.
Are you ready to go?
[NAGANUMA sobs]
[KAZAMA] What is
wrong with people?
Hey, uh
We should grab this dude's
cell while he's down.
That is the whole
point of the game.
That might just be exactly
what he wants you to think!
Moments like this call
for the utmost care!
Besides, to engage him
you'd have to put me down,
and we all know any
tactic involving that
would be patently reckless!
You must cling to me
no matter the cost!
Yeah, I'm puttin' ya down.
[ROKA]
Are you listening to me?
Look, my arms have taken
just about all they can stand.
You mustn't lose heart!
Heave to! The fight
has only just begun!
Since when is me
continuing to hold you
our entire game strategy?
You're making the girl feel
self-conscious about her weight.
Not cool, my friend.
[KAZAMA] How are you
chewin' me out and fighting
at the same time?
Take it from me, Kazama.
Girls are light!
[KAZAMA]
Not all of em'!
You're incredible, of all the
times to squander one's energy
on insensitive, chauvinistic
attempts at humor!
[KAZAMA] I'm not
trying to be funny!
Never mind! Let's just
get the hell out of here!
[NAGANUMA laughs]
You've abandoned your friend
to a fate worse than death!
Ha! Two against one!
C'mon, big brother Naganuma.
We both know you could never
bring yourself to stoop so low!
[NAGANUMA inhales sharply]
[NAGANUMA]
You're absolutely right!
Big brother will
fight with honor!
[KAZAMA grunts]
[NAGANUMA] On behalf
of anime voice-over
from both sides of the Pacific.
I will take you down!
Prepare to be defeated!
Good heavens, he's
actually opening his eyes!
[NAGANUMA] Ooh! She sounds
so cute when she says that!
[KAZAMA] Pound for pound, he's
the most annoying of all three.
And Matsubara's moving the
fight back in our direction.
Our situation's deteriorating!
Enough is enough.
Put me down, Kazama.
[KAZAMA] Huh?
[ROKA]
I've recuperated mostly.
Leave me here and
get back to Chitose.
You're not ready to be
left on your own yet!
You're still shaking
like a damn leaf!
Then before you let go,
to fully recharge me,
hug me as tight as possible!
[KAZAMA] How is that
supposed to work?
There's no time to explain.
Just get on with it already!
Forget it!
Not happening!
[ROKA sighs]
You can't blame
a gal for trying.
Very well.
Let us focus on our
counter attack strategy.
[KAZAMA] Huh?
[ROKA] Firstly,
we break up--like so.
[KAZAMA] Oh! Is this
how I'm gettin' away?
Wait. If it means leavin'
you behind, I'm not doin' it.
[ROKA chuckles]
[KAZAMA] You need
the nurse's office,
that's where we're going.
[ROKA]
I'm hardly defenseless.
Naganuma can't bring
himself to harm me--
not while he thinks I
sound like, well, whoever.
And while it'd be nice to think
you could shoulder past him
without incurring injury,
I have my doubts.
When push comes to shove,
he might even be able
to eat your lunch.
[KAZAMA] Thanks for
the vote of confidence!
Listen to me.
If we can arrange it, I believe
a head to head with Tama
would be closer
to your speed.
[KAZAMA] Huh?
That, and I don't believe
Chitose can take her.
After all, she countered
my Bag Attack.
I realize it's asking a
great deal of you, Kazama.
But Chitose's gonna
need your help!
I'm on it.
So, how do I get back
to the classroom?
If I make a break for it,
this freak'll be on my ass
before you can say 'anime.'
Then I propose using your
secret move to sidestep him.
Oh yeah!
Wait, I have a secret move?
[ROKA]
Indeed you do.
[inaudible]
[KAZAMA] Eh?
You're surrendering?
Yeah, not exactly, pal.
It would behoove you not
to underestimate my friend.
'Cept that we're
sorta hoping he does.
Kazama's secret move!
Be warned, sir!
Kazama, why are you just
standing there? Come on!
[KAZAMA] Uh!
[KAZAMA] Heh.
[BIRDIE 3A chirps]
[SAKURAGAOKA] Oh no!
Aaaaahhh!
[INADA] Of course!
The turbo jump he first showed
us during the Game Tournament!
Only this time,
with Yamada's help,
he's doubled the height--
Why am I recapping
what we've just seen?
Whatever, go, Yamada!
[KAZAMA grunts]
[BIRDIE 3A chirps]
What the hell?
Did you see that?
It's the move he
used to defeat me
when we first scraped shields!
The Vertical Jump!
[NAGANUMA, SAKURA.
and MATSUBARA] Huh!
[KAZAMA sighs]
Not great,
but whaddya gonna do?
[HIGASHIGAWA] Somebody's
got wings on his feet!
Tama wadn't yankin' our
chain when she told us
to come check you out.
You gotta join the
Basketball Team!
[KAZAMA]
Oh, come on!
[KAZAMA over speaker]
Okay, so
Now some freaks with high-tops
are all up in my grill.
Dudes, helpful tip!
Stop dribbling the damn
ball while you chase me!
Nobody cares about your moves!
[phone beeps]
So whaddya say we fight
for real this time, yeah?
[MATSUBARA chuckles]
You're one scary little girl.
You want me to pull out the
stops--fine have it your way!
You've taken damage,
sure, anyone can see--
[NAGANUMA whimpers]
Anyone can see?
Charming.
[ROKA sighs]
[phone beeps]
[ROKA groans]
[NAGANUMA]
Ha! Pluck my eyes out
for all the good
it'll do ya, noob!
Only the savviest of anime
fans could have a prayer
of answering that question!
[NAGANUMA gasps]
Uh-oh! I've screwed the
pooch big time, haven't I?
The background on my phone is a
pic of Twenty Three Tokyo Wards
Magical Defense Girl Fuchuu!
How could I've made
such a weaboo mistake?
I might as well have written
the answer out for her
on a white flag!
Please don't notice!
Please don't notice!
Ah. Twenty Three Tokyo Wards
Magical Defense Girl Fuchuu,
can't believe it took me
this long to figure out.
[NAGANUMA] No!
She didn't even
need the hint!
[ROKA sighs]
I've done my part, Kazama.
It's up to you.
[ROKA] Well, Sakura,
it appears we have
quite the adversary
on our hands.
Before we start.
You, uh, you sure sending him
upstairs was a wise move?
Quite so.
My faith in Kazama's ingenuity
is almost boundless.
[MASON] Cold Freezer!
Cold Freezer!
Aaaah!
Ahh! Kazama!
What should I do?
What should I do?
Oh crap!
Takao speaking.
[dribbling in background]
[KAZAMA] Hey, it's me!
Are you still with the others?
Are you playing
basketball?
[KAZAMA]
Is Chitose all right?
Uh, well
Define all right.
'Cause she's in a
little bit of a bind.
[KAZAMA] Listen, I need
you to put me on speaker.
[TAKAO gasps]
[phone beeps]
[KAZAMA] Yo!
[dribbling in background]
Am I coming in loud and
clear for everybody?
It sounds like he's
playing basketball.
[KAZAMA] Hang in there, Prez!
I'm coming!
Don't worry, I know
the score, I think.
You and this Tama chick
have a history of bad blood.
Word is you've never gotten
the better of her once.
[CHITOSE grunts]
Why didn't he call
me "little Tama"?
[KAZAMA] Look, this all happened
'cause of me and I'm sorry.
If I haven't let 'em
catch me, we'd--
Whatever.
Point is I'm on the way!
Don't die before I get there!
So I'm a damsel in
distress now, huh?
Can the dribbling,
it sounds like you're falling
down a flight of stairs.
Where's Roka?
Believe it or not,
she's actually okay.
She told me to come
and help you out.
'Least if I can maneuver
around this bunch of freaks.
Well, hurry it up.
I'm not in the habit
of waiting for people.
You wanna be my shield, you
better get up here right now!
You picked a strange time
to start acting tough.
[CHITOSE] Huh?
Did you say something?
I wasn't listening.
We're just getting started.
What good is a pony tail
going to be?
After all, you've only got one.
You really think it
can defeat my pigtails?
[KAZAMA] Whoa!
What kind of fight is
this supposed to be?
[footsteps and dribbling]
[KAZAMA yells]
[KISARAZU]
Dude, what's the de--?
Excellent bounce pass.