Everybody Still Hates Chris (2024) s01e11 Episode Script

1
[funky music]
[Chris] My family was
headed to South Carolina
for spring break.
I couldn't wait
to get out of Bed-Stuy.
I had been on a major losing
streak for the whole year.
I failed my GED.
I got rejected
by my dream girl.
Ow.
And high school
was a real pain in the
[grunting]
balls.
Come on, let's move.
We got to get to your
grandfather's 80th.
- Dang.
- Chill.
It's supposed to be a vacation.
Vacation?
[man] Ooh, beach ball.
[sighs] Come on.
I just want to relax and chill.
Don't talk that way
around your grandfather.
There's nothing he hates
more than relaxing.
He hates Jheri curls
because they're too relaxed.
One summer,
he made me work four jobs--
the graveyard shift
at a Days Inn, the day shift
at a graveyard,
Thursdays at TGI Fridays,
and Mondays at Ruby Tuesday.
It was so confusing.
Well, what are we going
to do down there then?
Get jobs?
No.
We're going to
stand up straight.
We're going to look like men.
And we're going
to be happy for me
when I crush your Uncle Louis
at my dad's birthday hunt.
Ugh, I don't have
to do that, do I?
Nope. Just me
and your Uncle Louis.
Here,
start loading the car.
[grunts]
You sure you need
all those pants?
You know it gets pretty
hot down South, honey.
Want to pack some shorts?
Shorts aren't cool.
They're for White dads
at jazz festivals.
And our dad, respectfully.
Daddy, can I just
please stay home?
Tonya, sweetie,
we couldn't afford a family trip
to the South for years.
But thanks to your
mama's severance,
we actually get to go.
And I'm bringing the
best presents, grandkids.
That would be you,
so you're going,
unless you
got something better to do.
I do.
I want to watch
MTV Spring Break
on Ladonna's cable box.
I want my MTV.
[Chris] But you don't
want an STD,
which is what
everyone
on that show came home with.
Please stop complaining
and get in the car.
Oh, I can't wait to see Maw-Maw
for some mother-daughter time.
But Maw-Maw's Dad's mom.
We're going to gut
rabbits and make stew.
It's kind of our thing.
Well, I want to make
watching college students
go "whoo"
in Daytona Beach kind of mine
and Ladonna's thing.
Come on, kids.
Let's go.
[funky music]
[Chris]
Despite what my dad said,
I was still
gonna enjoy break.
Aw, come on.
They didn't notice
I was missing
till the Jersey Turnpike.
Hey, come back.
You forgot me.
[man] Shut up.
[upbeat hip-hop music]
[brakes squeaking]
We're here, Maw-Maw!
So loud.
Here they are.
Maw-Maw,
I missed you so much.
Missed you too, baby.
[grunts]
Did you see that?
It's like our hearts merged.
That was like
a half-second hug.
A half-second of hug,
a lifetime of connection.
Drew, you're so handsome.
Tonya, you look so grown.
And, Chris, you're so--
well, god bless you, baby.
[sighs]
Julius, look at you.
You're still the spitting
image of your daddy.
Well, before he got
diabetes, glaucoma,
and hardened by the White man.
Aw, thanks, Maw-Maw.
[groans]
That boy's got city arms.
Oh.
Hey, Grandpa.
You remember my younger,
stronger son, Drew.
Hello, young man.
You going to be
hot in those pants?
I'd rather suffer in
pants than humiliate
myself in shorts, respectfully.
[slurping]
Whoops.
Sorry.
Was that loud?
Oh, hello, Julius.
Louis.
Nice mug.
Oh, I had no idea
it said this.
I thought it said "Best Dad."
So I bought another mug
for our father
and paid full price,
plus express shipping.
He's probably not
going to drink out of it
because he's so excited
to spend time with my children.
We'll see.
You're going to take
all the bags to the room
upstairs on the right.
You'll know it because
you'll feel that good AC.
Oh, shoot, Rochelle.
Y'all wouldn't mind staying
somewhere different this time,
would you?
[twangy banjo music]
[chickens clucking]
You said that
Maw-Maw was going
to give you the best room.
She did us one better.
She gave us a whole
house to ourselves.
If it were my mom, she would
have said, "Here's some 2x4s.
Build your own house."
[sniffs]
I think this shack is perfect.
It'll get me back
in touch with nature
before our father-son hunt.
[sniffs, sighs]
Daddy,
can I borrow money to take
a Greyhound home so I can watch
MTV Spring Break
with Ladonna?
Ah, we're here to spend
time with family.
You can hang out with your
cousins by the creek or with me
and Maw-Maw in the house.
You got it?
A creek?
Seriously, a creek?
A creek?
Oh, uh, I love creeks.
[Chris]
I hated creeks.
But this was
my chance to relax.
[sighs]
[Elder Leroy] Chris!
What?
Who?
Elder Leroy?
Here I am,
out in these brambles,
working hard to set up
my birthday hunt,
and I catch my own
grandson relaxing.
No, I wasn't relaxing.
Then what are you doing?
I was just waiting for
an apple to fall on my head
so I could make
a scientific discovery.
[grunts] Ain't gravity
already been discovered?
Well, uh, not all of it.
Now, when it comes to
the women in this family,
rule numero uno
is they love their Uno.
Uno!
My seat!
Yeah,
I thought you said Maw-Maw
always sits next to you.
She does.
She will.
I'm sure she'll ask one
of those heifers to move.
Hey, Maw-Maw.
Oh, hey, Rochelle,
Tonya, take a seat.
Way over there, huh?
If I tried to call you,
it'd be long-distance.
Heh-heh-heh
heh-heh.
She probably just wants to
sit across from me so we can
look into each other's eyes.
Mm-hmm.
[man on TV]
For the best chitlins in town,
come on down to Bubba Boyd's.
TV!
Cable!
Tonya,
stop staring at the TV.
We're here to spend
time with family.
Yeah. I'm going to go hang
out with Uncle Jasper.
He's family.
He's sleeping.
I'll wake him up.
Sit your butt down.
We're having precious
moments with Maw-Maw.
[grunts]
Say, Elder Leroy,
did you by any chance
take your new entertainment
system for a spin yet?
No, I'm 80.
Why would I want that?
You wasted your money again.
Mm-hmm.
[chuckles]
All I wanted for my birthday
was a bunch of dead rabbits
to put in Maw-Maw's stew.
But what I got
was a giant stereo
I didn't need
and a bunch of
lazy-ass grandkids.
[gasping]
Well, well, well.
Sorry, Elder Leroy.
It's just a-- a little hot.
That's because you in pants.
Nah.
Okay. This year, my grandsons
are coming on the hunt, too.
We're going to make
men out of you boys.
But I want to
beat Louis myself.
I mean, it's always just
been me, you, and Louis.
Well, I think it's
a wonderful idea, Elder Leroy.
Yes, I totally agree.
But I agreed first.
But I agreed better-er-er.
Both of you shut up.
Louis, since you failed
to give me any offspring
Ha!
you'll have to
pair up with Drew.
Ha!
Wait. Me and Chris?
I mean, hell, yeah.
It's okay.
I'm generally not good
at things like Drew is.
[chuckles]
Very funny, Chris.
He's only kidding, Elder Leroy.
Well, Chris, I don't
find you very funny at all.
[Chris] Maybe.
But now you're dead.
And I have seven specials.
Chris and I will do great.
I only raise winners.
We got this.
[Chris] The only
people who say "we got this"
don't got that.
Bam!
Draw four, sucker.
Maw-Maw, remember that time
we played Uno doubles,
and me and you crushed
Julius and Chris?
Had Julius sniffling
all the way home.
Yes, that was nice.
Hey, how's your
neighbor, Robbie?
He still always up on his roof?
Oh, poor thing.
Fell on his head, and his spine
shot right out of his backside.
Wow.
Um, sorry to hear that.
Your turn, Rochelle.
Oh, I feel bad
for you, Jerrica.
Bam, bam, bam.
That's three draw twos.
Pick up six, son.
You can't stack cards.
What you talking about?
Stacking cards
is the whole game.
Must be a New York thing.
Mm-hmm.
Kind of like your accent.
I don't got an accent.
I'm talkin' regula'.
Ha!
Regula'.
Oh, it's OK, Rochelle.
You've moved on up.
[laughter]
[twangy music]
Come on, Chris.
Let's go.
[groans]
It's too early.
The roosters ain't even up yet.
[rooster crowing]
I'm taking my bird ass
back to bed.
Hey, wake up.
It's time to show
Elder Leroy we can win.
Can't we show him at noon?
Why has he got to
be such a hard ass?
A hard ass?
You have no idea the horrors
that man has survived--
the Depression,
colored-only bathrooms,
and then having to share
bathrooms with White people.
You know their stomachs.
Wait.
Shh.
Don't shush me.
No.
I hear a rabbit.
How'd you know it was there?
[laughs]
Caruso.
[growls]
I'm a Black kid
at an all-White school.
All my senses are heightened.
[gun clicks]
[Chris] We're going
to go with rainbow sparkles
because this is a family show.
Hey, it's your job to explain
death to your kids, not mine.
Our team, one.
Everybody else,
but especially Louis, zero.
[panting]
[Chris] I didn't like
seeing innocent rabbits die.
But if that's what it took
to break my losing streak,
I'd put them in
a pot like Glenn Close.
[snoring]
Shirtless twenty-somethings,
here I come.
[groaning]
Jasmine Guy.
Oh, it's "A Different World."
[gasps] You trying
to change the channel?
Well, you were asleep.
I was watching
She's the Sheriff.
Nothing helps me sleep better
than a woman with a gun.
[yawns]
Come to me.
Tonya, there you are.
[groans]
You may have noticed things
are a little off between me
and Maw-Maw.
You mean how she'd
rather spend time
with everyone else but you?
Okay, so you noticed.
But it's my fault.
I probably should have
called her more.
We lost touch.
But I have a plan.
I'm going to recreate the day
we first bonded to remind her
of the magic we have together.
You want to "Parent Trap"
your mother-in-law?
No, don't make this weird.
We bonded over cooking stew
and then drinking moonshine.
So I'm going to have us
do it all over again.
So "Parent Trap."
Fine.
Whatever.
Now shut your trap and help me.
I need to create the same
hairstyle I had when I was 23.
[groans]
[Chris]
Thanks to a lifetime of being
preyed on by bullies,
I'd finally found
something I was good at.
The hunted
had become the hunter.
[upbeat music]
[gunshot]
[cheers and applause]
[gunshot]
[cheers and applause]
That's ten rabbits, Dad.
There's no way Louis
is even coming close.
We'll see who's drinking out
of that Best Son mug tonight.
[Chris] I loved
feeling like a winner.
I might have stayed
in South Carolina forever
if it weren't
for the bugs and the Klan.
Oil, vegetables, peeler.
Okay.
Ready to prep.
And moonshine to seal the deal.
Maw-Maw, come on and help me.
I'm prepping the stew.
I got to go get my
hair done with the girls.
I'd invite you, but I see
you've already did yours.
[gasps]
No, i didn't.
My masterpiece.
Tonya, get your ass
down to that creek.
Forget the hairdresser.
We could do each other's
hair while we cook stew.
How much moonshine
did you drink?
[gasps]
Please don't leave just yet.
Rochelle,
please give me my hand back.
But you haven't
tasted the onions.
I don't want any onions.
Let me go.
Stop being weird.
I'm being weird?
[both grunting]
Oh, my God, what?
What? What?
We're having fun.
Don't worry, Maw-Maw.
I'll save you.
You're the one on fire.
No, that's not water!
[flames roaring]
[both] Ahh!
[twangy music]
Well, Elder Leroy,
Chris and I got ten rabbits.
[whistles]
Ten?
[Louis] Ten ain't nothing.
[panting]
How many did you get?
[grunts]
Ten also.
Damn it.
Looks like we have ourselves
a classic rabbit tie.
And you know what that means.
We all win, and I can go
take a nice, cool shower?
Hell, no.
The first team to kill
a rabbit next wins.
[dramatic music]
[Chris and Drew gasp]
There, Dad.
Ooh, we got you now.
Damn it.
My muscly body is just too big.
Chris, I need you to do this.
If we get this rabbit, I win.
Me?
Really?
Uh, okay.
Take the shot, son.
[tense music]
Really, Chris,
you're going to shoot me?
I'm just trying to
win for once, rabbit.
You wouldn't winning if it
punched you in your buck teeth.
You're just trying
to please your daddy.
And he's just trying
to please his.
Nah.
You're just being wise
so I don't shoot you.
I know all your rabbit tricks.
[Julius] Come on, Chris.
Shoot that rabbit so
my dad will love me.
I mean, so we win.
Oh, my gosh.
You're right.
Let's go.
Fire.
I don't want to.
Oh, Chris, give me the gun.
Thank you for being
such a pussy, Chris.
I have literally
hundreds of babies.
And the thought of
them growing up with--
[gunshot]
[cheers and applause]
Yes! I win. Ha!
You had it.
Why didn't you shoot?
Julius, give up.
The boy doesn't
have what it takes.
I knew the moment
I saw him lazing about.
You let Elder Leroy
see you relaxing?
Yes. That's all I wanted
to do on this trip.
But instead, I spent my whole
vacation trying to please you.
[pants, groans]
Everyone, back up.
I'm a doctor.
Chiropractor.
[Louis] The patient
has heat exhaustion.
I alone know how to save him.
[fabric ripping]
Shorts?
No.
I can feel my legs.
I can feel my legs!
[twangy music]
See, it's a metaphor.
Things can be fixed.
Damn you, metaphor.
I'm sorry
I blew up your kitchen.
Not as sorry as me if my
insurance doesn't cover it.
Maw-Maw, what happened to us?
I thought we had a bond.
We did.
Until you moved to New York
and forgot
your Southern manners.
What do you mean?
New York hasn't changed me.
I'll cut you!
Ahh! Stop playing, Rochelle!
Okay.
Maybe it's changed me a little.
But deep down,
I'm still the same Rochelle.
The old Rochelle
used to say thank you.
I do say thank you.
Not for the boiled peanuts
I send you every year.
What boiled peanuts?
[snoring]
Jasper, can you mail
these boiled peanuts
to Rochelle?
Sure thing, Maw-Maw.
Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm.
Still got it.
You never got
my boiled peanuts?
And all this time,
I've been treating you
like a redheaded stepchild.
It's all right, Maw-Maw.
I've been acting crazy
since we got here.
I don't think
you're crazy, Rochelle.
I was just so desperate
for mother-daughter time.
I don't know why.
Maybe because you
haven't been getting
that from your actual mother.
Yeah.
I watch Oprah.
You're right.
I have some stuff I need
to work out with her.
Thank you
for helping me see that.
Told you I say thank you.
Want to go gut some rabbits?
I would love that.
[Chris] After two days
of spring break,
I was finally taking a break.
First, I catch you
loafing around in the woods.
Now, you're laying on my bed
with your outside clothes on.
[groans]
Julius, you raised a loser.
You know what?
You're right.
Uh, Dad?
Chris is one of the
biggest losers I've ever met.
He fails constantly.
Yeah.
You can stop any time.
He could stay down
and lick his wounds, but no.
Every time, my son picks
himself up and tries again.
And loses.
And being a loser
who doesn't quit,
well, that makes that loser
more of a winner
than any man here.
[Chris] Somewhere,
deep down in all those insults,
my dad was saying he loved me.
Elder Leroy, you were wrong
for being so hard on Chris.
And you were wrong
for being so hard on me
and Louis all these years.
It hurt our relationship.
I hope, starting today, we
can work on making it better.
I'd love that, brother.
I don't care about
earning your approval anymore
or even beating Louis.
But I do care about my son.
And you need to apologize
to him right now.
Takes a lot of guts
to stand up to your old man.
I'm proud of you.
Really?
I never thought I'd hear
you say those words.
Well, you did.
And they're the last words
you're ever going to hear.
You think I'm going to let
you speak to me that way
on my birthday?
Come here.
Chris,
run and pack your bags.
I would never
talk back to you, Daddy.
Get him.
Screw you, Louis.
Denise, I thought we
were going to the creek.
What's that?
Creeknik.
[all] Chug! Chug!
Chug! Chug! Chug!
It's like Freaknik
but, like, creek-based.
[all cheering]
[donkey braying]
Ahh!
[all cheering]
Who is that Black
leprechaun-looking guy?
Oh, that's a
Black leprechaun.
[Chris] Tonya
realized there was something
even better than watching
drunk people on TV--
watching drunk
people in real life.
[Julius] Tonya, come on.
We got to go.
Daddy, no.
I'm not playing.
Let's go.
I want my Creeknik.
Jasper, how could you steal
Rochelle's boiled peanuts?
I-I just like
juggling them.
They make me feel talented.
Thank you, Maw-Maw.
You were right, Rochelle.
New York hasn't
changed you a bit.
Mugger!
[screams] Rochelle!
Oops.
Sorry, Jerrica.
Come on, Rochelle.
Time to go.
[Chris]
My dad was right.
My superpower was
getting back up
after getting knocked down.
And that made me feel like I
could face whatever life threw
my way when I got back home.
[frogs croaking]
Come on. Come on. Come on.
We got to get out of here.
You're leaving
without giving me a hug?
I was going to mail you one
when we got home.
Bye, Maw-Maw.
Come back soon, Rochelle.
Mom, close the window.
My legs are freezing.
Julius!
Come back here!
Nope!
Got to go.
[Chris panting]
Oh, come on.
Close enough.
[belt whips]
Happy birthday?
[screams]
Everybody still hates Chris ♪
[upbeat music playing]
MTV ♪