Ghost Stories (2000) s01e11 Episode Script

(spooky music)
(wind blowing)
(spooky music ends)
(singing in Japanese )
(spooky music)
- (Momoko) Man it's colder than a witch's
- (Satsuki) Skip it.
- (Leo) My dad said the
weather channel predicted snow.
Why do old people always
watch the weather channel?
- (Satsuki) I'm freezing!
- (Hajime) Nature's little
thermometers acting up?
- (Satsuki) I'm ignoring that
perv; And I'm sure it's no
different than the shrinkage
issues you're having right now.
Do you know how much I hate you?
And it's not cold weather;
It's cold swimming pools.
James 1:14; Each one is
tempted by his own evil desire.
But I think your skirt is helping him out;
Slutski; I mean Satsuki!
- You're just jealous
of my Mary Hart gams.
- I'll tell you what, if I was a girl and
I had an ass your size there's no way I'd
wear a micro-mini; in fact
I'd probably wear mumus and
(heavy drum thump)
- You just know she's covering her lust
for me with cruelty and violence.
(crow caws)
- With how much she attacks
you she must really really
really really really like you.
- Yeah that's it; Oh good grief
where'd Keiichirou run
off too? Keiichiro-uh
Get back here, do you know how many
child molesters there are in Japan!?
- Satsuki come look what I found!
(rolled harp chord)
- Not a Bratz; no wonder
some girl threw it away.
- It's so dirty and old and
trashy like Anna Nicole.
- Hey Satsuki can I have it, can I?
- You shouldn't pick up things that have
been thrown away by someone else.
And I don't care what they say,
boys don't play with dolls.
(Keiichirou cries)
I'm not going to have
a retarded gay brother.
(Keiichirou cries harder)
- Come on Hajime get up let's go home.
- (Hajime) My balls hurt.
(crow cawing)
- (Keiichirou) My tummy hurts!
(silverware clattering)
- (Satsuki) Well you ate
like a pig, no wonder.
And what four year old eats bell peppers?
Come back here I'm not doing
the dishes alone again.
I mean it, I'm not the damn maid!
Hey listen Dad, How about
you and I just discuss
your non-corporeal punishment stance?
Gah don't eat his crumbs we're not poor!
(water running)
Maybe we are poor; where's
the damn dishwasher!
- (Dad) And I thought her Mother's voice
grated on my nerves, I mean what?
- (Satsuki) Let me ask you, Mom was
a pretty good cook wasn't she?
- Well not bad it was edible at least.
(chuckles)
The woman was no Paula
Deen but she was all right.
- (Satsuki) That woman's
trying to kill her
husband no one uses that much butter.
But it's that semi-homemade chick
that's really dangerous; scary.
- Yeah gotta agree with you there.
(approaching footsteps)
- Wonder if this is how Tom Ford started.
(loudly spits)
(sigh)
Keiichirou get your ass down here!
- (Keiichirou) What?
- Don't "what" me when I
call you, You say Yes Ma'am!
(distant footfalls)
- You're such a bitch.
- (Satsuki) What did you say!?
- (Keiichirou) I have an itch?
- (Satsuki) M-hm an itch to play dolls!
Why did you bring this trashy little thing
home when I told you not
to go digging in the trash?
Why can't you do what I tell you?
- It wasn't me
- Huh?
- (Keiichirou) It wasn't
me I didn't bring it home.
- Haven't you listened to Momoko?
God's going to send you to hell for lying.
- I'm being framed!
- Oh you are, are you;
Who's framing you the dog?
- (Keiichirou) I want a lawyer!
- Shut up!
You are not getting a
lawyer, all you've got is me
and I'm all you're going to get.
I'm your judge, the jury, and executioner.
(Door slams)
(Keiichirou crying)
(Snoring)
(Phone ringing)
(footsteps)
- Hello Manshita residence.
Eh.
- (Phone) Hi I'm Merry
Mary let's play together!
Meet my at the trash can!
(dial tone)
(Phone ringing)
(dramatic music)
- Hello again, like I said
this is the Manshita residence
- (Mary) It's Mary!
(hacking cough)
I'm at the cigarette store!
(dial tone)
(phone ringing)
- Listen Hajime stop having
your midget girlfriend call me.
- (Mary) Mary again, I'm
inside of your house!
- Huh?
(phone rings)
- Hello?
- (Mary) It's Mary!
I'm right behind you; you stupid bitch!
No the other way!
Atta-girl; hehe that's it now you got it.
(maniacal laughter)
- I'm Merry Mary, Let's
play together Satsuki!
(gasp)
(phone clatters)
(screaming)
- (Dad) Satsuki I've told
you no phone after ten!
- You should be yelling at
the one who's calling me.
- And no doll playing; after ten fifteen.
- Look at her closely
Dad, She's so lifelike.
Too lifelike!
- What?
(door opening)
Oh no, no don't say another
word just keep your mouth shut.
- What are you doing; That's sick!
And it wasn't me I put
it back in the trash can.
- (Mary) I'm at the trash can!
- No; no!
- (Leo) So what happened
to the Merry Mary doll?
- Don't know, Dad said he
would take care of her.
- (Hajime) You should've let
Keiichirou keep the doll.
I mean Leo played with
dolls when he was a kid
and he's not a fag.
(wheezing)
- (Leo) I only used the
Barbies for G.I. Joes hoes.
- But if you catch him wearing dresses
he'll move to We-Ho before you know it.
(PA Chime)
- (PA) Satsuki Manshita
please report the front office
again, I repeat Satsuki
Manshita please come
to the front office you
are on campus aren't you?
(keyboard clatter)
- Yes I'm here.
- Well look at you, what
a tardy little outfit.
You've got a call on
line one make it quick.
- Hello I'm sorry to keep you waiting.
This is Satsuki speaking.
- (Phone) I'm Mary,
Now I'm at Foot Locker!
Let's play together!
(violent slam)
(ringing)
(increasing number of ringing)
- (Hajime) Where's the fire?
- (Leo) I didn't hear the alarm.
(phones ringing)
(panting)
- You found out he is gay, didn't you?
- Is he out?
- It was Mary.
- (Hajime) Oh that's not nice.
- (Satsuki) Not that
kind of Mary you idiot.
The Merry Mary doll, She's pissed at me
for wanting to throw her away.
She's trying to kill me!
- Girl you need extensive therapy.
- (Satsuki) No I don't!
(phone vibrating)
- (Hajime) You're blaming
this doll for your brother's
sexual preference so
that makes you infinitely
- (Mary) Hey jew kid put Satsuki on!
Hey Satsuki it's me, Mary,
I'm on the roof let's play.
(Dial tone)
- No, oh no I can't take it anymore.
- (Hajime) How, how does
she know we're on the roof?
- How, how did Merry Mary get my number?
(metal rattling)
- Manshita, I've been
looking everywhere for you.
You need to go to central hospital.
And I've got to take a dump!
Your fathers been in an accident
and I'm about to have one, now
where's your little brother?
- (Leo) He's in Class 2, Grade 1
- (Satsuki) Special Ed!
(dramatic music)
(distant running)
(panting)
- Dad!
- Oh hi Satsuki, guess
that's the last time
I play with one of your
little blonde dollies
(chuckle)
- Dad; Dad!
- (Dad) Keiichirou; what did you teacher
do put this in the school paper?
Those prude bitches in the PTA
are going to have a field day with this.
(both crying)
Oh calm down I'm all right.
(crying louder)
It's not like I wanted more kids anyway.
- Poor Keiichirou is crying so hard
I hope his dad can accept his homo
- Oh thanks a lot for the help big mouth.
- (Sakata) Yeah yeah,
remember this at Christmas.
- My HMOs trying to kick me out
but I think I'll stay
for the hot night nurses.
I mean listen Satsuki the doctor
wants to keep me for observation.
You'll watch your little brother, right?
Hajime!
- Yeah I'm awake.
- Would you, would you mind checking in on
Satsuki and Keiichirou for
me, you can do it right?
- Aren't I a little old
sounding for that role?
- Thank goodness it wasn't serious
hospitals are so expensive.
- (Satsuki) That plastic skag.
- (Leo) Who?
- That Merry Mary bitch,
I'm going to kill her.
She tried to murder my
(dramatic music)
- Why is that midget staring at us?
- Hajime that's Merry Mary.
- If you kids don't want her I can
get a few bucks for her on Ebay.
- Put her down Mr.Sakata don't let those
blonde girls in pink dirndl
fool you, she's a killer!
- Oh come on she can't be worse
than the blonde I had last night.
(Keiichirou sobbing)
- Okay
if she's freaking you out that bad
I can show you a place to take her.
There's a group of guys
I met at a rest stop
last week who'd just love her.
(distant chime)
- Temple of the dolls?
- What scares me is how
he knows about this.
- (Sakata) Okay everybody
be cool, act natural.
I'm getting this huge boogie nights vibe.
- It's not by Mattel but
I guess we'll take her in.
File it Toby.
- Yes daddy.
- (Leo) I'm a little fuzzy
on the doll temple concept.
(chuckle)
- Young mantis weep for cheetah.
- (Leo) Still fuzzy.
- (Monk) I am a member of club of aging
homosexuals, most of us in publishing.
On holidays we come to this
temple, get really baked
and put in a Joan Crawford movie.
We reenact the film with our dolls.
Some times we perform
more contemporary works.
Particularly from the
canon of Christian Slater.
And your little dolly has arrived
for us at a most opportune time.
She'll play the Tara Reid
character from Alone in the Dark.
- So kids you feel a little
better about everything?
- (Leo) No, I don't know what's scarier
the killer doll, the weirdo sensei,
or you knowing about this place.
- (Sakata) What's the matter Manshita?
They paid us in cash.
- No I'm down with it, nice
to know a new dealer, yo
- (Leo) Okay I guess if we think of it
as a doll prison I can
feel a little better.
Maybe they can all learn some
kind of vocational skill.
- (Hajime) Yeah that's
a good idea; shut up.
(discordant music)
- (Sakata) Love to stay but I'm hooking up
with this cinnamon chick.
- Okay, safe plays save Mr. Sakata
- Your teachers such a weirdo.
Dads not home I can play Snuff 3
- (Satsuki) Shoot some hookers,
score some drug I don't care
(sigh)
Hey why are you acting all pissed off?
- Because I don't think I'm getting paid
for this gig, that's why.
- (Satsuki) I don't need you.
- News flash, retarded brother.
(Phone ringing)
Hello.
(Keiichirou crying)
You going to answer it?
Your fathers in the hospital, remember?
- Oh yeah right.
(beep)
- (Phone) I'm Mary!
(hacking cough)
Gotta give these things up.
Let's play together!
(click)
(dramatic music)
(sobbing)
- (Hajime) Don't even,
are you going to let some
little polly pocket get the better of you?
- (Satsuki) Yes.
- (Hajime) Oh hell no.
This barbie bitch is going down.
First we do this geographic montage,
to show we traveled a
long way from your house.
There that should be enough.
(floor creaking)
- Where are we?
- (Hajime) Sketchy, scary,
abandoned square dancing hall.
Toby Keith played here, Nazi.
We make this out home base.
- (Satsuki) Was the super dome full?
- Leo and I scoped this place
out for just this occasion.
We planned on stocking
it with some provisions
but all we got were
these two sleeping bags.
Kind of spent all out
money on porno and lube.
It's the thought that counts.
- (Keiichirou) Hey Hajime
where's the bathroom?
- (Hajime) Just piss on
the Toby Keith poster.
- Number two!
(wolf howling)
(farting)
- Oh my god in heaven I can't believe it.
(Keiichirou crying)
It only gets worse when you get older.
- (Keiichirou) there's no paper.
- What!
(gasp)
(panicked gasp)
- Hello I'm Mary let's
play together; Let's play.
- (Doll 1) What do you
think we should play?
- (Doll 2) I have a great
idea, let's play Saw!
- (Doll 3) No let's play
The Hills have Eyes!
- (Doll 4) Let's play Se7en!
- (Doll 5) No let's Glitter,
that movie was scary.
- (Doll 6) No I want to play
Texas Chainsaw Massacre!
But not the remake!
- (Doll 7) Danger danger, Will
Robinson; wait wrong movie.
- (Doll 8) Kill the bitch!
(overlapping shouting)
(silence)
- (Dolls) Satsuki's a goner this we know
Merry Mary tells us so ♪
Rip off her arms and then her legs ♪
Pluck our her eyeballs then her brains ♪
Satsuki's a goner! ♪
Satsuki's a goner. ♪
Will she win or will she lose? ♪
Merry Mary she will choose. ♪
- You lose Satsuki.
(giggle)
(suspenseful music)
(All shouting) Amen!
- (Satsuki) Hajime, somebody help me!
- That doesn't sound good.
- (Hajime) Satsuki!
- (Keiichirou) Hajime!
(window rattling)
- (Hajime) Crap!
- (Momoko) Hajime where's Satsuki!
- (Hajime) Nice outfit;
she's locked inside!
(muffled screaming)
- (Mary) Okay it's decided
we'll play pluck it out.
(dull thud)
(whimpering)
Okay that spit thing was kind of gross
but it's the thought that counts.
(dolls shout in protest)
Knock it off, this isn't
a goddamn democracy.
I'm running the show, I
said let the bitch go.
(melancholy piano)
Yeah that was a close on for ya.
For a minute there I was seriously
thinking about cutting your tits off.
But this Herme's kind of nice.
Okay I'm out of here; Late.
- Go help her man.
- Satsuki!
On your knees, are you praying?
- Jesus thank you, guess I am.
- The Merry Mary doll called
me on the phone too Satsuki
I'm unlisted don't know
how she got my number.
I tried to put my Patty
Prayer doll on the phone
but those two just did not get along.
- (Hajime) Incoming!
(glass shattering)
Satsuki are you all right!
What, what are you looking at?
What's wrong with you, speakless
by my Bruce Willis like moves?
- Hajime that was brave
but not very bright.
- What do you mean?
(trickling sound)
What, what, what; somebody help me!
- (Keiichirou) Somebody get a bandaid!
(Hajime screaming)
- (Satsuki) God that is disgusting
can you try to save me a
little neater next time?
(creepy music)
(humming)
- Up, up and
- (Amanojaku) Hey you, doll!
- (Mary) Well look who's here, nice coat.
- Ahahaha, very funny.
Now that you've got your little cape on
why don't you fly out of here.
Before I push you off this roof.
- Well you're a pissy
little pussy ain't cha?
Maybe I should cut your tits off.
- Hm Satsuki's doing her ancestors proud,
not easy to impress our crowd.
Hm I'm not feeling a
little soft spot am I?
Me, nah.
(singing in Japanese)
My mommy lays over the ocean, ♪
My mommy lays over the sea, ♪
My mommy is deader than a door nail. ♪
So bring back my Mommy to me. ♪
(Keiichirou crying)