Gilligan's Island (1964) s01e11 Episode Script

1
Just sit right back,
and you'll hear a tale ♪
a tale of a fateful trip ♪
that started from this tropic port ♪
aboard this tiny ship ♪
the mate was a mighty sailin' man ♪
the skipper brave and sure ♪
5 passengers set sail that day
for a 3-hour tour ♪
a 3-hour tour ♪
[thunder]
The weather started getting rough ♪
the tiny ship was tossed ♪
if not for the courage
of the fearless crew ♪
the minnow would be lost,
the minnow would be lost ♪
the ship set ground
on the shore of this ♪
uncharted desert isle ♪
with gilligan ♪
the skipper, too ♪
the millionaire and his wife ♪
the movie star ♪
and the rest ♪
are here on gilligan's isle ♪
Hello, hello. Testing,
1,2,3,4. Can you hear me?
Yes, gilligan. I can hear
you fine. Can you hear me?
Yeah, I can hear you.
Uh, yeah, I can hear you.
Can you hear me?
Yes, gilligan, I can hear
you fine. Can you hear me?
Yeah, I can hear you.
That professor sure is smart
to invent this telephone system.
That's right, gilligan,
and he's going to string wires all over.
That way we can talk
any place on the island.
Gilligan! Skipper! Have you seen ginger?
She's been gone all morning.
Well, no I haven't.
She wasn't at breakfast.
Oh, I'm awfully worried about her.
She's been acting so funny lately.
You mean funny funny or funny strange?
Funny strange.
Well, if she's missing,
we ought to organize a searching party.
Oh, that's a good idea.
Well, come on, gilligan. She's
probably at the other end
of the island. Hey, wait.
If she's on the other end of the island
why don't we just call her?
Hello! Hello! Hello!
The professor hasn't
strung those wires yet.
Oh, yeah.
Cancel that last call.
Come on, gilligan.
Skipper: Ginger!
Ginger!
Gilligan: Ginger!
Ginger!
Ginger!
Oh, we'll never find her this way.
We've got to split up.
Split up? Oh, skipper,
we've been together too long.
You're like a father to me.
Gilligan I remember once
gilligan, what I mean is
we'll have to separate.
That way we can cover more territory.
Oh.
Now, I'll go over here,
and you go out over there.
Right, skipper.
Oh, gilligan! I said out there!
Ginger!
Ginger!
Hey, ginger!
Skipper: Ginger!
She's not over here.
She's not over here.
She's not over here. Awk!
[Squawks]
Ginger!
[Ginger sobbing]
Oh, there you are!
We've been looking all over for you.
That must be a pretty sad story
to make you cry like that.
Oh, gilligan.
This was supposed to be
my opening night.
I was going to make my debut.
I was supposed to star in this play.
I was in a play once in school.
It was called our friends in the forest.
I played a squirrel, oh, please!
And all I had to do was gather nuts
while the rest of the animals
sat around and did nothing.
I gathered nuts and nuts,
and by the time winter came
I had plenty to eat, but
I know. All the other
animals went hungry.
You saw the play.
Oh, gilligan.
You just don't understand.
You just don't understand.
This play was especially written for me.
Why, I would have
been famous overnight
if I got to do it.
All Broadway would
have been at my feet.
Gee.
Why, a new star would have been born.
My name would have been
assured among the greats.
Producers would be clamoring for me.
You know what, ginger?
What?
You oughta be on the stage.
Oh, gilligan! You don't understand at all!
You just don't understand.
I don't think it's going to do much good
to take this to ginger, skipper.
Well, you tell her she's got to eat that.
She's got have her strength kept up.
Oh, I'll try.
Poor girl. Wish there was
something I could do for her.
Why don't you help her carry the tray?
Oh, not her, gilligan. For ginger. Oh.
She's still pretty broken up.
I don't blame her. I was
just reading the play.
It's pretty good. Lots of action in it.
Listen to this
Quiet! Not another word!
I will take this sword
and split your skull.
I will throw off these chains.
I refuse to be your slave.
I will no longer toil
for a thankless tyrant,
who will never allow
here, here, here! What's
going on here? A mutiny?
Don't worry, Mr. Howell
don't you talk to me,
you scurvy mutineer!
Captain, throw this man in irons!
Oh, relax, Mr. Howell.
This is not a mutiny.
He's just reading some lines from a play.
Uh, a play?
Yes. Reading some lines
well, if there's one thing I can't stand
is a mutiny before lunch.
See, Mr. Howell. It's a script.
Oh, a script. Oh, yes.
Title, a pyramid for two
big set, small cast.
It's ginger's play.
She was supposed to have been
on Broadway last night.
Oh, well, I'd like to read it.
I backed a few shows in my time.
Musicals, you know. Dancing girls.
It's the only business
where you can be a devil
when you're an angel.
You get it? No.
Well, a backer is called
an angel never mind.
Mr. Howell, maybe
you could back this play.
Me?
Sure, Mr. Howell. We can try it out here
and if it's good,
we can take it to Broadway.
Well, I don't know
Why don't you do it, Mr. Howell?
It would be a lot of prestige.
I've got prestige.
And if it's a hit,
you make a million dollars.
I've got a million dollars.
If it's a flop, you can deduct
it from your income tax.
Now you're talking!
Oh, ginger, you've got to eat something.
Oh, come on, honey. Snap out of it.
Thanks, Mary Ann. I'll be alright.
Oh, here.
You've always admired this.
Wear it a little while.
Maybe it'll make you feel better.
Gilligan: Ginger! Hey, ginger!
Gilligan! She's in here.
Hey, ginger. Ginger, guess what?
Mr. Howell's going to put the play on.
Oh, that's wonderful! What?
What's wonderful about it?
So what, if he puts my play on here.
You don't understand.
We'll put it on here first,
and if it's real good,
Mr. Howell will take it to Broadway.
Meanwhile, the island's The
island's kind of like off-Broadway.
Oh! Oh, that's great!
Oh, Mr. Howell has all kinds of influence.
If anyone can make you a star, he can.
Oh, gilligan, you've made me so happy.
You're wonderful! You're just marvelous.
I don't know how to
describe you, you're so great.
[Bonk]
Let's see now. Whom can I get
to play the leading man in this play?
Well, what's he like, dear?
Well, the part calls for someone
who has a magnificent physique
ravishingly handsome, marvelous diction.
I know who would be perfect
but I'll be too busy directing the play.
Alright. Back to business.
Now, let's finish typing the parts.
Well, I'm ready, dear.
Marc Antony brings you
news from Rome.
The battle goes well,
and the armies move
onward, ever onward.
Have you got that, my dear?
M-a-r
C! Marc! There!
Uh, what did you say after that, dear?
I see this is going to be a long rewrite.
Well, I've never typed before
and this typewriter's very confusing.
They have the abcs all mixed up.
Mr. Howell! Mr. Howell!
Oh, gilligan told me you're
going to produce my play.
Oh, you've made me the
happiest girl in the world.
Come, my dear. Let's not lose our heads.
I just wanted to thank you, Mr. Howell
I'll see you at rehearsal, huh?
Ta ta, my dear. See you at the theater.
Emotional little creature, isn't she?
Yes.
And if I were you, I'd wipe
her gratitude off my face.
Oh! Yes, yes. Of course.
Now, where were we, my dear?
Marc.
A ship! Look, in the harbor. I see a ship.
A ship, a ship! We're saved!
Where is it? Where is it?
Please, gilligan. I'm practicing my lines.
Your acting sure is convincing.
I thought there was a ship in the harbor.
Oh, gilligan. I gotta change my costume.
Oh.
Gee, professor. You're
doing a real neat job.
Thanks, gilligan.
You know, these jungle berries
mixed with water make excellent paint.
Mmm. And in case the play's a flop,
we always can eat the scenery.
I thought you were
supposed to be fixing that door.
I already finished it. Look here.
See? It works just fine. See?
Oh, no, gilligan, that's wrong.
The door should open in, not out.
Why? It works fine. What's
wrong with it having open out?
[Skipper moans]
Sorry, skipper. I didn't know
you were there
gilligan, how do you manage
to always do something
never mind, gilligan!
Skipper, skipper
Are you mad?
Believe it or not, yes!
Skipper, oh, I'm glad you're here.
I want you to try on this toga
that I made for you.
See if it's big enough.
Put your head through there.
Where do I put the rest of it, Mary Ann?
There! Oh, wait.
Alright, cast. Rehearsal
time. Places, everyone.
Marc Antony, Caesar, Julius, Marc
Professor: Here we are, Mr. Howell.
Oh, oh, fine.
How do I look, Mr. Howell?
Well, I know in the play
that Cleopatra's supposed
to be crazy about you,
but you're not exactly my type.
By the way, where is
the queen of the nile?
Here I am.
How do I look?
Oh, you look ravishing.
I must say, you look ravishing.
I envy that snake, my dear. Thank you.
Well, shall we get on with it?
Alright, everyone. Clear
the stage, clear the stage.
Now, in this one, you haven't seen
your lover for ages, you understand?
You're yearning for him.
You're pining for him.
You're over there by the
window when you see the ship.
Alright, alright. Places. Let's go.
Look! I see a ship In the harbor.
I see a ship!
A ship! A ship! Where? We're saved!
Where is it? Where is it?
Gilligan, what are you doing?
Oh, it's just the play.
Yes, yes. Would you
mind clearing the stage
get off there!
Where were we oh, yes, yes.
You're over there by the window
and the maid brings in the nectar.
Is the maid there?
Lovey: Yes, I'm ready.
Alright, alright. Places.
Take it from the top.
A ship! Look! In the harbor, I see a ship.
What is this?! Hurry, dear!
I bring you
oh, go get it!
Don't yell at me.
I bring you
I bring you nectar, my queen.
Lovey, my dear, you mustn't cross
in front of a big star.
Oh?
Try it again.
I bring you nectar, my queen.
Thank you! No, ginger.
Ginger, you mustn't say thank you.
See, th-that's a servant.
That's a non-entity, a very
lowly person, you understand?
And incidentally, you
look every inch a queen.
Proud and beautiful,
accustomed to the
adoration of the world.
Thurston?
You're beautiful.
Thurston!
Oh, yes! Yes, yes, what is it, dear?
I'd like a word with you alone.
Oh, yes. Yes, of course.
Maintain that mood. Yes.
Yes, my dear, what is it?
Thurston, do you remember
the day we got married?
Indeed, I do.
That was the day consolidated
general jumped 17 points.
Do you still love me?
Of course, I do, darling. I adore you.
You're you're Mrs. Thurston ho well III.
Well, doesn't it bother you
that Mrs. Thurston ho well III
should have such a teensy weensy part
in her husband's play?
I never thought of it that way.
A ho well playing a maid.
Well, it isn't exactly typecasting, is it?
But the only parts left are, let's see
The, uh, high priestess?
Slave girl?
Lady in waiting?
Well, the only part left is Cleopatra.
Alright. On stage, everyone.
Everyone on stage.
That's it. On the double.
Now, I have a announcement to make.
I've decided on a slight cast change.
Mrs. Howell will play
the part of Cleopatra,
and ginger will play the part of the maid.
[Sobs]
But, Mr. Howell, ginger had her heart set
on playing that part.
That's showbiz.
A ship! Look in the harbor.
I see a ship.
A ship? A ship?
Oh, we're saved! Where gilligan!
Oh. Still the play, huh?
Gilligan, what's wrong with you?
Will you get backstage?
Excuse me, Mr. Howell.
I'll just go fix the scene.
Really. Alright, lovey, my dear.
Take it from the top.
A ship. Look in the harbor.
I see a ship!
That's the cue for the maid
to enter with the nectar.
Where is the maid?
Ginger, ginger, where's ginger?
I'm sorry, Mr. Howell, but I'm afraid.
Cleopatra'll have to go on the wagon.
Ginger refuses to play
the part of the maid.
Oh, dear. It's so hard
to keep help these days.
Pretty hard, Mr. Howell.
She went back to her hut.
I think she was crying.
Oh, temperament!
I tell you, all you actresses
are little children in a tantrum world!
Ah, you're all against me!
I can't put on a show
with this temperament!
Do you hear me?
If there's one thing I can't stand
it's temperament! Temperament!
[Crying]
Don't cry, ginger. I know how you feel
but it's not the end of the world.
I was gonna be discovered.
I was gonna open on Broadway.
I was gonna be a star!
Now look at me!
You're right. It's the end of the world.
Oh, gilligan, stop that.
That's no way to cheer her up.
Oh, yeah, I was
supposed to cheer her up.
Look on the bright side, ginger.
Maybe we'll never be rescued
and maybe we'll be marooned on
this island for the rest of our lives.
Then there'll be no Broadway,
no play, no nothing. Ha ha.
I may do something desperate.
Oh, gilligan, out! Huh?
Out! Out!
You trying to tell me something?
I certainly am. Out, gilligan!
Oh, my fair queen, come
away with me and share my
skipper? Just a minute, gilligan.
But, skipper, I want to talk to you.
It's about ginger. Remember we
gilligan, please.
Can't you see that
I'm rehearsing my lines?
Oh.
Oh, my fair queen
come away with me and share my lot.
Our love will
our love
our love will last all through et
eternity.
Eternity?
Eternity!
Think we can talk now,
skipper, huh? Now can we talk?
Well, you're a fine pal.
I mean, what'd you think of my acting?
Your acting? That last speech I made.
What did you think of it?
I don't know. I wasn't listening.
Well, listen this time. I'll do it over again.
I want your opinion.
But, skipper, I want to talk to you.
Gilligan, will you stop and listen?
Oh, my fair queen
that was just great, skipper. Just great!
Gilligan, I haven't even said it.
Yeah, but now can we talk?
Will you go away and let me alone
and do my rehearsing by myself?
[Sighs]
Oh, my fair gilligan
oh, my
oh, my fair
my heart, it beats so.
I can scarce hear my lover's approach.
That is very good. Very good, lovey.
Now remember, Cleopatra
is a woman of passion
and she is waiting for
her lover Marc Antony
to return from Rome. Got that?
I think so.
Your eyes are glowing.
Your temples are pounding.
Your heart is beating fast.
Your anxiety is such that
you can hardly breathe.
Just pretend that you've
eaten a Hungarian dinner.
Oh, yes!
Very good. I knew you'd get it.
Are are you ready, Marc Antony?
I'm ready, Mr. Howell.
Just give me my cue.
Good, good, good.
Curtain. Lights.
You're on, my dear.
My heart beats so.
I can scarce hear my lover's approach.
Skipper, can I talk to you?
Not now, gilligan. I'm waiting for my cue.
My heart, it beats so.
I can scarce hear my lover's approach.
That's my cue. Please, skipper.
Well, Marc Antony, say something.
I forgot my line, Mr. Howell.
"O gracious queen,
"greet thy happy sailor." Trippingly.
I I I got it now.
I got it.
Now, skipper? Now?
Not now, gilligan.
But you promised.
My heart, it beats so.
I can scarce hear my lover's approach.
O gracious greet,
queen thy happy sailor.
In the name of Richard Burton
what are you doing?
I'm sorry, Mr. Howell, but it's gilligan.
He's pestering me.
Never mind that. We'll take care of that.
Do it again, will you please?
Alright, sir.
Now, skipper? Now, huh?
Not now, gilligan! For goodness sakes
help with the scenery or the props
or do something!
My heart, it beats so.
I can scarce hear my lover's approach.
O gracious sailor, queen thy happy greet!
Skipper: Please,
Mr. Howell, just once more?
Just once more. Alright.
Really, darling. How can I perform
when the other actors
can't remember their lines?
Never mind, lovey. Calm down.
He's a slow study.
Mrs. Howell: I can scarce hear my
Mr. Howell: Gilligan!
What are you doing with that ladder?
The professor has to paint the scenery.
Well, not now. We're rehearsing!
Okay. I'll take it backstage.
I can scarce hear my lover's approach.
Aaah!
Oh, that last rehearsal,
my dear, was simply marvelous.
With my directing and my producing
this play could be a big Broadway hit.
Thurston, you haven't said a
word about my performance.
No, I haven't, have I?
Well, it's an oversight on my part.
Eh, may I say, my dear,
that you are simply splendid.
Oh, thank you, thurston.
Even ginger, whom I replaced in the part
paid me a compliment.
She compared me to a famous
television personality.
Oh, good.
By the way, who is Mr. Ed?
I haven't any idea.
I wonder why she didn't
compare you to Mrs. Ed.
I can hardly wait for tomorrow night.
Opening night. Lot of details
to attend to, my dear.
See you later. Mm.
Hello, gilligan, my boy.
Hi, Mr. Howell. Can I talk to Mrs. Howell?
There she is Cleopatra.
See you later.
Hi, Mrs. Howell.
I hope you're not gonna get
mad at me for what I'm gonna say.
It's got nothing to do with your acting.
I think that's real good.
Maybe even better than Mr. Ed's.
But you see, the reason we
put this play on in the first place
was because ginger was
feeling so terrible about Broadway
and you're a very important
woman, Mrs. Howell.
You got everything you want
but this play is the only thing ginger's got.
And, uh, I hope you're
not getting mad at me.
See, ginger's getting real desperate
and I thought that maybe if you'd, uh
I guess you're getting mad at me.
You haven't said a single word.
What?
What's the matter, Mrs. Howell?
Mr. Howell? Mr. Howell?
What is it, gilligan?
She's talking, but nothing's coming out.
Lovey, my dear, what is it?
By George, she's got laryngitis.
Yeah, and she lost her voice, too.
A star with laryngitis.
Oh, it's the scourge of every producer.
What are you gonna do, Mr. Howell?
I'll have to call off the show.
I'm an angel with my wings clipped.
Why don't you use ginger?
She knows all the lines.
Well, I don't know. Mr. Howell,
I saw a movie once
and just before the star went on
she fell down and broke both her arms.
Or was it both her legs?
Well, anyhow, there was
a girl in the chorus
and she knew all the lines
and all the dances
and the producer was
going out of his mind
when all of a sudden he yelled
get the understudy!
You saw the picture, too.
On the late show. Go, my boy!
Lovey, try.
Here we go, my dear. Oh, no, sir.
Here's your seat right up here, sir.
Nonsense! I always sit
second row center with Mrs. Howell!
May I see your ticket, please, sir?
Yeah, you'll see it
what are you talking about?
Get backstage, will you? Alright.
The first-nighters are here.
Curtain!
[Horn fanfare playing]
Beautiful set!
Ginger: A ship. Look, in the harbor.
I see a ship.
Your nectar, oh, my queen.
Oh, no. No, no, no.
I'm too excited.
My lover's ship is in the harbor.
Oh, I must send him this message.
Send in the royal messenger.
No, no, no.
You sent for me, o queen?
Oh, yes. Yes, I did.
I want you to send this message
to my lover Marc Antony.
But wait. No.
You will be recognized.
Send in my maid. Huh?
My maid. Send my maid in.
Yes, o queen.
You sent for me, o queen?
Oh, yes. Yes.
I've decided that you
must take this message
to my lover Marc Antony. Yes, o queen.
But wait! A woman! You will be suspect.
Send in my aged
but trustworthy major-domo.
Send him in immediately.
Yeah, that figures. Look, why don't I
why don't you give me the message,
and I can give it to him.
No, no, no, no, no.
I must I must entrust it
to him with my own hands.
Your maid said
you wanted me, o queen?
Yes, yes.
Deliver this message, but be careful.
Caesar's spies are everywhere.
I will be careful, o queen.
You know what to do if you're caught?
I'll eat it.
Good, good, good. This message
must not fall into Caesar's hands.
Hark! I hear footsteps.
It's Caesar!
No, no, I was mistaken.
It's not Caesar.
Give me back the message.
Give me back the message.
Too late, o queen.
It's wonderful, dear,
and the next act is even more dramatic.
My heart, it beats so.
I can scarce hear my lover's approach.
[Footsteps]
Slave, open the door.
Slave, open the door.
Hunh!
O gracious queen, oh!
Greet thy happy sailor!
Wasn't she magnificent, dear?
Bravo, bravo!
Bravo! Bra
what did you say?
I said bravo.
You you didn't have laryngitis after all.
You were just being noble.
I was just being a ho well.
Bravo! Bravo! Bravo! Bravo!
Simply marvelous!
Ooh! Ow!
Gilligan!
Gilligan, little buddy!
Uuuhh!
Come on, skipper. Here.
I'm sorry, skipper.
Gilligan, never mind!
Never mind, gilligan!
I was just hanging up the wash to dry.
I saw that you were.
Gilligan, I wanted to talk
to you about something.
Well, Mr. Howell really
liked the play, didn't he?
He sure did. He's gonna
put it on Broadway
when we get off the island.
Exactly. Now, gilligan
I want you to forget something.
Understand? I want you to forget
that I'm your skipper. It's forgotten.
And I want you to forget
that you work for me.
It's forgotten. And I want you to forget
that I'm twice as big as you are.
It's forgotten.
Gilligan, what did you think
of my Marc Antony, little buddy?
It's forgotten.
Come on now, gilligan.
What did you really think?
Terrible, terrible, terrible.
Don't pay any attention to him.
He just says what he's taught.
Uh-huh. And who's been teaching him?
Gilligan, gilligan, gilligan. Awk!
Blabbermouth.
They're here for a long, long time ♪
they'll have to make ♪
the best of things ♪
it's an uphill climb ♪
the first mate and his skipper, too ♪
will do their very best ♪
to make the others comfortable ♪
in their tropic island nest ♪
no phone ♪no lights ♪
no motor cars, not a single luxury ♪
like Robinson crusoe ♪
it's primitive as can be ♪
so join us here each week, my friends ♪
you're sure to get a smile ♪
from 7 stranded castaways ♪
here on gilligan's isle ♪