Leave It to Beaver (1957) s01e11 Episode Script

1
("Leave it to Beaver" theme music)
[Announcer] "Leave It to Beaver."
Starring Barbara Billingsley, Hugh Beaumont, Tony Dow,
and Jerry Mathers as The Beaver.
[Ward] To a boy, his father often seems
stern and forbidding.
He might even be unfair enough to make you rake the lawn
when you wanted to play ball.
But once in a while, you're surprised
to learn he's actually on your side.
And that's our story tonight on "Leave It to Beaver."
(bright music)
[June] That you, darling?
No, it's your husband.
(audience laughs)
What's for supper?
Steak and mushrooms, corn on the cob,
Lima beans, and Waldorf salad.
All right, dear, what did you buy, break, or lose?
(audience laughs)
I was gonna tell you over the Boston cream pie,
but seeing as my elaborate menu's given me away.
I have to leave the first thing Saturday morning.
Huh?
Peggy had her baby.
Oh, a boy?
- Girl.
- Oh.
I promised I'd go up for a few days and help her out.
Well, that's fine for Peggy's baby,
but what about the two babies you're leaving here?
Three babies I'm leaving here.
(audience laughs)
- Oh, thanks.
Oh, darling, you'll be all right.
Sure we will.
Aunt Martha's gonna come and stay
with you till I get back.
Aunt Martha?
Now, what's the matter with my Aunt Martha?
Well, nothing that you can put your finger on.
It's just that whenever I'm in the room with her
I feel like I should be apologizing for something.
Oh.
Hey look, I got a great idea.
Why doesn't Aunt Martha go and help Peggy
and you stay here?
Aunt Martha's never been married.
She doesn't know anything about babies and things.
Someone must've explained a few things to her
somewhere along the line.
(audience laughs)
Gee, Mom, the pie was good, but do ya have to go away?
Yes, dear, I'm afraid I do.
You see, my sister Peggy had a baby.
Isn't that a wonderful surprise?
But Mom, if you're gonna be gone,
who's gonna take care of me and the Beaver?
You're Aunt Martha's gonna come and stay with you.
Aunt Martha?
Is she the one with the husband
we're not suppose to talk about?
(audience laughs)
No, that's one of your father's relatives.
(audience laughs)
Is Aunt Martha the one that sends us soap every Christmas?
Oh, no, Aunt Martha understands boys better than that.
She sends umbrellas.
(audience laughs)
Oh yeah, she's our umbrella aunt.
(audience laughs)
I remember her, she has birds on her hat.
[Ward] (chuckles) That's right.
Would you boys take your plates
out in the kitchen, please?
Okay, Mom.
They're nice birds, though.
(audience laughs)
Ward, I didn't like that remark about the umbrellas.
Now, when Aunt Martha's here,
I don't want you undermining her.
But dear, I've never been known
to go around undermining old ladies.
Now, I know her ideas seem old-fashioned and trying
at times, but she's very sensitive
and I want you to see that the boys obey her,
they're polite, and they're on their best behavior.
June, believe me, I understand.
I've got problem relatives, too.
(audience laughs)
Now, wait a minute, June.
Of course I'm not gonna let the boys be rude to her.
We'll do everything we can to make her stay
as pleasant as possible.
If you want me to, I'll even have the boys
meet her at the airport carrying their umbrellas.
(audience laughs)
(upbeat music)
Well, I must say, Ward, you have a very nice place here.
Very nice indeed.
You must be doing rather well, now.
(audience laughs)
Well, we manage to stay one jump
ahead of the sheriff. (Chuckles)
The boys should be home any minute now.
They're looking forward to seeing you again, Aunt Martha.
Oh, they must be quite the little gentlemen by now.
I do hope they're getting good use out of their umbrellas.
Oh, indeed they are.
They really look forward to the rainy season.
(audience laughs)
I hope you're still considering an Eastern college.
Well, we thought we'd think
about that when the time comes.
There's a certain polish it gives a boy that
[Wally] Hey, Mom, we're home!
Hey Mom, can we have something hot?
(chuckles) Boys, this is your Aunt Martha.
You remember her, of course.
Aunt Martha, this is Wally.
Wallace, I'd know you anywhere.
You certainly look like a Bronson.
Just like a Bronson.
(chuckles) Yeah.
(audience laughs)
And this is the Beaver.
Beaver?
I thought your name was Theodore.
Oh, I don't use it much.
I didn't know how to pronounce it until last year.
(audience laughs)
Well, boys, now that your Aunt Martha's here
suppose we take her bags up to her room, huh?
Okay, Dad.
Nice to have met ya, Aunt Martha.
Thank you, Wallace.
Oh yeah, me, too.
Theodore.
Hey, Dad, what's a Bronson?
Shh.
(audience laughs)
Well, Aunt Martha, would you like another cup of coffee?
No, dear, no.
No thank you.
Did you notice a big change in the boys?
Oh yes, they really have grown.
I suppose the older boy has to wear those blue jeans.
Teenagers.
Nothing to be done about that now.
But I must say, little Theodore was somewhat of a shock.
Well, I've tried to get those particular trousers
away from him several times, but he keeps
getting them back out of the Goodwill box.
(audience laughs)
June, while you're gone I'd just love
to take little Theodore shopping.
I thought I could get him something more,
well, after all, he's a Bronson, too, you know.
Oh now, Aunt Martha, it isn't necessary
to do anything like that.
Well, if you think I'm interfering.
Oh no, no, I didn't mean that at all.
It's really very sweet of you.
(bright music)
Now look, boys, I'll be home at the end of the week.
Now, don't forget your baths and, Beaver,
I put four pair of clean socks in your top drawer
and I don't wanna find 'em there when I get back.
Oh no, Mom.
Hurry up, June, we haven't got much time.
Well, just a minute, dear, I'm saying goodbye to the boys.
Mom, must ya gotta go?
Yes, Beaver, I'm afraid I do.
You see, I'm gonna go and help your Aunt Peggy.
But while I'm away, you boys can help me.
How, Mom?
Well, I want you to everything Aunt Martha asks you to.
Even if she gives us milk toast for breakfast again?
Now look, boys, sometimes older people
have different ideas.
You see, it's been a long time since they were young
and, well, they sorta forget what it was like.
(horn honking)
But you just remember while I'm away
that if you make Aunt Martha happy, you make me happy.
Okay, Mom.
Okay, Mom.
I'll make you happy, I'll make Aunt Martha happy,
and I'll change my socks every day.
(audience laughs)
[Ward] June!
(horn honking)
Oh, boys, I have to go.
Goodbye, Aunt Martha!
Now, remember.
- Bye, Mom!
- Goodbye, dear.
- Bye, Mom.
- Now, don't worry
about a thing.
Well, Theodore, right after lunch you and I
are going on a little shopping tour.
Oh boy, Wally, you think I might get it?
Get what?
The black leather jacket with the eagle on the back.
(gentle music)
(audience laughs)
Now, that's what I call a real little gentleman.
Not many mothers nowadays have such excellent taste.
Oh, I'm not his mother.
Uh-uh, my mother went to have a baby with Aunt Peggy.
(audience laughs)
It's exquisite material.
English, isn't it?
Naturally, madam.
(audience laughs)
My knees are cold.
Why, when my brothers were your age
they wore trousers like that winter and summer.
Shall I send these, madam?
I think not.
You may dispose of them.
I'd be delighted to, madam.
Wait a minute, they've got somethin' in the pocket.
Good heavens, what is that?
Just a dead goldfish.
(audience laughs)
Me and Wally are gonna give it a funeral.
You may make out a bill for those.
Yes, madam.
Theodore, I think you look very nice.
I feel funny, almost like I have no clothes on at all.
Oh well now, you mustn't be indelicate.
We're not goin' back on the bus, are we?
No, we'd be late for supper.
I think we'll take a taxi.
Shoo.
(audience laughs)
[Wally] Beav, you're kiddin'.
[Beaver] No I'm not, Aunt Martha bought it for me.
Boy, get a load of them knees.
You look like a chicken with all its feathers off.
(audience laughs)
Do I look that bad, Wally?
Boy, I'll say.
Lucky it's a new suit and you don't have
to wear it to school.
Kids'd really give you the business.
Yeah, lucky it's a new suit and I don't have
to wear it to school, huh, Wally?
Yeah, brother, I'll say.
You get the biggest (knuckles tapping)
Theodore, you must be sure and hang up your new clothes.
We want them nice and fresh for school on Monday.
(audience laughs)
Yes, Aunt Martha.
(bright music)
(upbeat music)
Theodore, don't slump over your milk toast like that.
You'll have curvature of the spine.
But if I eat close to the bowl I don't spill so much.
(audience laughs)
Your Aunt Martha is right, Beaver, Theodore.
Why don't you just sort of meet the spoon halfway?
Yes, Dad.
Yes, well, I have an early appointment.
I've got to get going.
Oh, excellent breakfast, Martha, excellent.
Dad?
You boys had better hurry, too.
I have your clothes all laid out in your room.
Dad!
Dad, could I ask you somethin'?
Now, I'm in an awful hurry, Theodore, I mean Beaver.
Is it really important?
Well kinda sorta.
You see, Aunt Martha bought me
Look, Beaver, I'm sorry.
I'm late now.
I'll tell you what, you hang onto it
until I get back tonight, then we'll have lots
of time to talk about it, okay?
Okay.
Hey, did ya get to ask him?
No.
Maybe I should tell Aunt Martha I can't wear 'em to school.
You can't do that.
We promised Mom we wouldn't make any trouble.
Oh yeah.
Don't worry, Beav.
The kids'll probably stop laughin' at ya
after the first couple of classes.
(audience laughs)
(jaunty music)
We got here early.
Probably none of the other kids are here yet.
Wally, if I can just get to my desk,
I'm gonna sit there and I'm not gonna leave it
for the whole day.
Yeah?
I'm not gonna get up, not for nothin'.
Hey, maybe you should kinda crouch down.
They won't look like short pants.
(audience laughs)
Well, good luck anyway.
I gotta get to my class.
(audience laughs)
(children chattering)
Good morning, Mr. Bloomgarden.
Good morning, Theodore.
(children chattering)
Hi, Beaver.
Hi, Jane!
(bell rings)
(somber music)
(soft playful music)
(suspenseful music)
(children giggling)
(audience laughs)
I was Just gettin' a drink of water.
Beaver, what happened to the bottoms of your pants?
[Beaver] Nothin'.
Where'd ya get the girls' stockings?
Is that a new kind of underwear, Beaver?
It's a suit and it's supposed to be like this.
Then why were ya hiding all day?
Hey, Beaver, you got dimples on your knees.
I have not.
You know somethin', Beaver, you're a sissy.
Take it back.
I will not, you're a sissy.
Beaver, you leave Larry alone.
Ow!
(children shouting)
(audience laughs)
Here, here.
- Come on, Larry!
- Enough of this, children.
Break this up, come on.
On your feet, everybody.
Now, what happened?
Beaver hit Larry!
Beaver hit everybody.
[Children] Yeah!
All right, all right, that'll be enough.
Go on, on your way, come on.
Did you start this fight, Beaver?
No, sir, my pants did.
(audience laughs)
Well, I think you better run along home now.
Yes, Mr. Bloomgarden.
(somber music)
Yeah, yeah, that's right, Mrs. Ward Cleaver.
All right, thank you.
Glad you're home, Dad.
Oh hi, Wally.
Just put in a long distance call to your mother.
Kinda lonesome around here without her, isn't it?
Yeah, can I talk to you about somethin'?
Sure.
Well, there was a little trouble in school today.
Wally, I told you last night you have
to invert those fractions before you divide.
No, I did that, but they still came out wrong.
(audience laughs)
But this is about the Beaver.
He had a fight today in school.
A fight?
Well now, that's a fine thing.
Your mother's been gone two days
and he's in trouble already.
Well, it wasn't actually his fault.
Well, whose fault was it?
It was Aunt Martha's.
Aunt Martha's!
Aunt Martha's?
Yeah, she made the Beaver
wear those short pants to school.
The kids picked on him.
She made Beaver wear short pants to school?
You know how it is.
I sure do, I had to wear
long white stockings to school once.
(audience laughs)
Where is he now?
He's up in the room and he says
he's not goin' to school tomorrow.
Well, I'll tell ya what ya do, Wally.
You go up there and tell him I'll take care of everything.
Should be a load off his mind.
Martha!
Martha, could I speak to ya a minute?
Yes, Ward?
Oh.
What is it?
Well, nothing really.
Won't you sit down?
I really should take another peek at my eggplant, but
Something has come up in connection
with the boys, Martha, and I think
we oughta straighten it out.
Something I've done?
Well, as a matter of fact
(phone ringing)
Oh, excuse me, that must be June.
Hello?
Yes, this is Ward Cleaver.
Oh hello, June.
Hello, Ward, how are you?
Oh, everything's just fine here.
I'm going to be home sooner than I expected.
The day after tomorrow.
How's everything at home?
Oh, everything's fine here, just fine!
Couldn't be better. (Chuckles)
Oh yes, yes, Aunt Martha's right here.
Oh, she's been a tremendous help, June.
Whipping up a wonderful dinner tonight,
eggplant and everything.
Oh, eggplant?
(audience laughs)
Well, Ward, I know that Aunt Martha can be a trial
at times, but when I was a little girl
she was practically the only mother I knew.
I love her very dearly.
You and the boys won't do anything to upset her, will you?
Oh no, no, of course not.
Oh, as a matter of fact, we're getting along
like four peas in a pod. (Chuckles)
Yes, she's sitting right here.
(audience laughs)
All right, dear, all right.
Well, I'm glad everything's going well there.
Yeah, and don't worry about us.
Yeah, well, good to hear your voice.
We miss you, bye.
Well. (Chuckles)
Everything's just fine up at Peggy's.
I'm glad to hear that.
Now, what was this you were saying?
Something about the boys.
Oh, something about the boys.
(chuckles) Well now, isn't that silly?
It's completely slipped my mind.
I must be getting old. (Chuckles)
Yes.
Well, I must get back to my eggplant.
Yeah, Beav, you got nothin' to worry about.
Dad he says he's gonna take care of the whole thing.
Gee thanks, Wally.
I don't mind fightin' with Larry and those guys,
but that Judy, she scratches.
(bright music)
I've sewed up the lining, Theodore.
I hope we'll be more careful with our new clothes today.
Yes, Aunt Martha.
Wally, where's Dad?
[Wally] Gee, Beav, I don't know.
Well, your father left for the office.
Left?
Well, I got an early class.
I better get goin'.
Bye, Aunt Martha.
Be a good boy, Wallace.
Yeah, sure.
Aunt Martha, are ya sure Dad left for work?
Oh yes, dear.
Aunt Martha.
Yes, Theodore.
Nevermind, I'd better get to school, too.
Theodore.
Wallace forgot his.
It looks like rain, I think you'd better take yours.
Yes, Aunt Martha.
(somber music)
(audience laughs)
Psst!
Hey, Beaver, come here.
Come on, come on.
Come on, get in here, get out of those things.
We'll slip these on.
Gee, Dad, I thought you ditched me.
Now, I wouldn't do a thing like that,
but she's your mother's favorite Aunt.
We can't hurt her feelings, can we?
You don't have to do that.
I think we can put these on right over 'em.
Okay, punch your toe.
Atta boy, now the other one.
There we go.
There we are.
And you zip 'em up, I'll get your jacket.
Now, when you get home from school today,
you can just slip back in here and change back again, huh?
There ya are.
Now ya look more like the old Beav.
Gee, thanks, Dad.
You're almost like one of the fellas.
(audience laughs)
Now, Beaver, I think that's the nicest thing
you ever said to me.
Well, I'd better be goin'.
Yeah, sure.
Here's your books.
All right, and your lunch pail.
Hey, Beaver, come here.
It looks a little rain outside.
I think I better take this.
(gentle music)
(upbeat music)
Oh, Aunt Martha, I just can't thank you enough
for coming and visiting us
and for watching over the boys while I was away.
We got along just fabulously, didn't we, Ward?
Oh, just like four peas in a pod.
(audience laughs)
Well, Aunt Martha, you don't wanna miss your plane.
The boys are going with you, ya know.
I'll call 'em.
Oh!
[Ward] Wally, Beaver!
They're two fine boys, June.
I'm looking forward to seeing them
when they come East to school.
Hey, boys!
Here, Wally, take these out to the car.
Okay, Dad.
Beaver!
Oh, Beaver, what's the idea?
I thought you hated those things.
I do, Dad, but I didn't wanna hurt Aunt Martha's feelings.
(upbeat music)
(upbeat music)
(dramatic orchestral music)