Level Up (2012) s01e11 Episode Script

[engine revs]
The Founders Day
pancake breakfast
is very important to the town.
Yep, making pancakes
by the hundreds is what you do
to show something's important.
And what's important
to Daventry Hills
should be important
to you, Max:
its most famous
and important citizen.
Can you just donate a gift
basket so I don't have to deal
with the stupid
required donations?
I'm in.
[both]
Yeah.
Ooh.
- What! Uh!
- Wow!
What a great start
- to a great gift basket.
- It's moist.
Start? That's the whole
enchilada, my good man.
That shirt has never
been washed.
Ugh!
[screams]
Ack!
[Max]
Should go for thousands
of dollars to some fanboy
who wants to feel closer
to my genius by
- Ew.
- Smelling my genius sweat.
So genius sweat smells
like old fried onions.
Good to know.
[sniffs]
Who's frying onions?
Ah, I wish I could
donate more,
but I am really
strapped for cash.
- Strapped for
- How?
- How does that
- Looks like it.
Anyway, I'm off to watch
my butler race motorcycles
against other
billionaires' butlers.
Hate to think what he
makes the gardeners do.
No? Nobody?
- No.
- All right
We'd race them ourselves,
but it's really dangerous.
Let's do it!
[engine revs]
Aah!
[all]
Oh!
See? Dangerous.
Aah!
[Barbara]
Dante?
I've been robbed.
Call the police.
There is a burglar out there,
with 20 peanut butter jars
and my Jack and the
Beanstalkstorybook.
No, no, no. You said
I could take your junk
to give to the rummage
sale to raise money
for the Founders Day
pancake breakfast.
There is a difference
between junk and treasure,
Barbara.
In my treasure was
the finely-illustrated
children's book of
Jack and the Beanstalk.
It meant everything to me.
If it were so important,
where was it when I found it?
- In
- Uhh?
In my place I keep
important things.
You are taking my childhood
and profiting off it, Barbara.
It was a storybook, Dante.
You know if you want, we can
act it out like we used to.
[low voice]
Fee-fi-fo-fum
I smell the armpits
of a Dante son.
No?
[breathing quickly]
That's when it hit me.
Barbara is my evil giant.
I'm her own Jack.
Losing that book is
like losing my soul.
That's too bad.
I got the comic book store
to donate some superhero comics
with funny animal sidekicks.
My favorite is Captain Starlock
and the Astrodillo.
I'm in pain here, Wyatt.
Oh, you tend to yell a lot.
So I thought we
were just sharing
how our day was going.
Sorry, Dante. Bummer, man.
You know you can just download
that book to your phone, right?
Shut the screen door.
Uh, yeah, it's super easy
to get you books online.
Hey, it's even easier
than getting one of
Max Ross's stinky T-shirts.
Yeah if I bid on that shirt,
it's just because I feel sorry
for the fundraiser.
Not because Iwant it.
It has to be exactly
the same version
as this finely-illustrated
children's book.
Boom! Done!
Magic of the Internet.
[laughs]
Take that, Barbara.
Man, getting books online.
What are they going
to think of next? Maps?
Hey! These ribbons
aren't gonna curl
themselves, people.
Once upon a time, there lived
a poor woman and her son,
in a cottage in a land
far, far away.
Her son, named Jack,
she spoiled even though
they were very poor.
Spoiled-- oh, I wish.
Barbara, you can learn
something from this.
[Wyatt]
A leak.
[sighs]
[Dante talking in sleep]
Peppermint fink.
I want a gumdrop kingdom.
Barbara!
What?
Wow. How long have
you been there?
- Hmm?
- Never mind.
My socks aren't scattered
under my bed
where I normally keep them.
More innocent victims of you
taking everything I love.
Now you might want to
check your sock drawer.
You put my socks in
my sock drawer?
- Mm-hmm.
- Then where's my bug
collection?
Oh, where it belongs.
The trash.
[both gasp]
Worst mom in all of history.
[both gasp]
Why must you be a constant
disappointment to me?
Including this conversation.
I'm okay with that.
Knock, knock, knock.
No one answered the door,
so I let myself in.
Yeah?
Wyatt.
One of your friends.
Hmm. No scars.
No visible tattoos.
I like him.
Start influencing him.
Okay, Wylie?
Wylie?
Got a leak situation.
Why haven't you been
answering your phone?
It's frozen on
Jack and the Beanstalk.
I fell asleep reading
it last night.
Come on. We got to leave.
Okay, hold on.
Let me grab my jacket.
Oh, dookie!
She took my Princess
Kay collage, too.
At least this whole place
isn't disorganized.
You like that?
She tossed my dead bug
collection.
It will take me years of leaving
the screen door open
with food on the table
to build it up again.
And that is why I never
go to your house.
Can we stop looking
for the leak
and start fixing my phone?
[whining]
I feel like I've lost
Jack and the Beanstalk
twice in a week.
[loud thuds]
Fee-fi-fo-fum.
I smell you, Englishman.
I think we might have
found out
what's wrong with your phone,
Dante.
And also, we just saw a giant.
[loud thuds]
[car alarm]
See? That is not a coincidence.
That giant leaked from your
Jack and the Beanstalk
e-book, man.
Come on, man. You expect me
to believe that some--
Excuse me, but
you wouldn't have
seen a huge giant.
About yea high, growly
and sort of terrifying.
He makes me feel funny
in me inside jelly pot.
Shut the back door. It's Jack!
I think he gets it.
Good. And now we got
one half of the leak.
Jack is not a leak.
He's a hero.
Do you skate? We should skate.
I'm ever so sorry.
I don't understand the word
skate, but, but
might be because of the sheer
terror I'm feeling.
Which I'm also
ever so sorry for.
This guy, he's great.
He's sorry he doesn't skate.
I don't see you guys being
sorry you don't skate.
Don't worry. I'll teach you.
And you can teach me
about destroying giants.
And Barbaras.
[growls]
I can smell you, Jack.
Looks like you've made
some friends.
More for me to eat.
Projectable basketball!
[shouting]
Raah!
[all]
Aah!
Okay, let's get out of here.
Jack, want a lift?
- Lyle, I'm jumping on.
- What?
No, use your own legs, Curly.
Aah!
You can get down now.
There's no giant in here.
He doesn't seem like someone
who'd be your hero.
Okay, he looks
like he bathes.
And he hasn't spit food on me.
Beg your pardon, milady.
Could you point me
to the nearest latrine?
I have to make water.
- Make water?
- Hum?
Jack's gotta take a gee-whiz.
[laughs]
That you laugh at.
Really nice of Jack
to pick up the giant's wallet.
He must have dropped it
when he was chasing us.
Woo, big, tall and beautiful.
I like it.
[laughs]
Look at the size of this thing.
If we chopped this up,
we could-- we--
We could have $1 million.
Man, this giant's
wallet is so big,
I wish he bought it
at a half-off sale
because then it would be
half the size.
Or half as heavy.
Who's with me?
Okay, just me.
- Look, we've got to bar Jack.
- Yep.
And we got to bar that giant
before he goes all
fee-fi-fo-fum on everything.
No, no, no, no.
Jack is awesome.
Dante, Jack is a leak.
He's got to go.
Not anymore I don't.
What are you chaps doing?
I rather like that grand
display of fireworks.
Go on, shoot some more.
Okay, so none of our weapons
work on him.
Maybe it's because Jack and
the giant aren't from the game.
They're from an e-book.
Or because fate has smiled
upon us on this grand day
and bestowed on us
a second chance
to employ Jack
the giant killer.
You know what?
Maybe we can use Jack.
In the story the giant says
he can smell Jack, right?
I smell the blood
of an Englishman.
So we just wait here,
and the giant will come to us.
Good idea. In the meantime,
I think I know a way
I can hack the book
and send him back.
It's going to take
a little time.
Well, as long as our
giant bait is here,
we know the giant
will come after us
and not stomp through
Daventry Hills.
Bam!
And they're gone.
You guys go find
Jack and Dante.
Just make sure you find them
before the giant does.
I am gonna go start
crunching some code.
I already raised money
having a rummage sale,
so I'm just going to eat
and get out of here.
Umm, sounds nice.
Teachers aren't allowed
to leave.
Or eat.
This might be the new
story with you.
But I'm your sidekick.
We'll just steal some food,
then we'll go giant hunting.
Uh, did you steal
Angie's wallet?
No, of course not.
That would be wrong.
I snuck it.
Snuck it?
You know, sneak it
away from them,
and then later we sneak
it back to them.
It's a game.
Oh. Sneaking's fun.
- Dante?
- Hi.
Jack, this is my Barbara.
Please to meet you, ma'am.
You're much too pretty and young
looking to be someone's Barbara.
Dante, I have to say,
first Waylon and now Jack,
I am liking your new
set of friends.
Good.
Pleased to meet you, Barbara.
[laughs]
No, you can't.
It's my pancakes.
Just one pancake.
- Who raised you?
- Just one.
Okay, there's free food
for parents and students.
So Dante and Jack got to be
around here somewhere.
We better find Jack
before that giant does.
Hold up. That basket was
supposed to have all the DVDs
of Dwayne "The Rock"
Johnson movies.
Who would be so horrible
that they'd steal
Dwayne Johnson DVDs
from a charity event?
[whistling]
Has anybody seen my state
volleyball championship jacket
and the other half
of my sandwich?
Great!
Is it this much fun
when you sneak it back?
Oh, of course.
It's the most fun part.
Perfect.
I left Angie at the fundraiser
looking for Jack and Dante.
How's it going in here?
Check the news.
No giant sightings yet.
But I'm keeping tabs on all
the big and tall stores
'cause they're having
a giant sale, ah?
- [groans]
- Anything me? No?
Nothing? Okay.
I think I figured out a way
to put them both back
in the e-book
once we find them.
Check it.
- Stand back.
- Wait, hold on.
If we're going to do a test
example, can it be a cute one?
I thought we were in a hurry.
You make time for beauty.
[sighs]
Yeah.
Okay.
Ooh.
Hooray. Even more dwarves.
I'll call you Brainy.
And I'll call you
Friday night.
- Hey.
- Ah.
Okay, back she goes.
Hey man, it just started
to get interesting.
Dante is out there with Jack
who is being chased by a giant.
We have to help them!
I just want to get advice
from someone else.
Hmph.
Appears to be the warehouse
headquarters
of a band of young
adventurers
in the early 21st Century.
Whoa.
Dude is smart.
So, to save your friend Jack
from the giant once and for all,
you need to put him into
a different story in place
of another Jack character.
Or write a new story.
Of course that brings up all
sorts of other problems.
But no worries. I can solve
those for you as well.
You're going to need
a humungous windmill
and a lot of radiation,
then when we --
All right, whoa.
We're kind of in a hurry.
So can we walk and talk?
Guys, huh?
Perfect. All right.
You see, Holmes, all I have
to do is press this button,
and then Jack and the giant
will be sucked back into
the auxiliary port
of Blastaton.
Fascinating.
And then they'll be
back in the e-book
where they belong.
Equally fascinating
is that tree over there,
which I'm going to
hide behind
as I've deduced from your
story that there's a giant
in the woods that likes
to eat Englishmen.
[clucking]
Jack! Dante!
Go away. We're not here.
Oh, really.
Oh, no. It's Sherlock Holmes.
We can't outsmart him.
His hat has two fronts.
[giant]
Fee-fi-fo-fum.
Time to eat!
[echo]
eat, eat, eat
Put me back.
I'll send Watson in my place.
He's plump and delicious.
Get that dude out of here.
He's getting on my nerves.
Fine, maybe you're right.
Later, Holmes!
You know what else I smell?
Another small child
who doesn't bathe often.
Oh, just like Barbara.
Okay, Jack. Go get that giant.
Just like you always do.
Tally-ho!
Here we go.
[groans]
What?
Hey, was there a mugging
in the book?
Oh, boy.
That giant is
going to be so mad.
[crying]
Why?
Uh
Oh.
The giant is crying?
Shouldn't he be smelling our
blood and trying to eat us?
Hey.
Ah, Mr. Giant, sir.
Are you okay?
No, I'm not okay.
I'm sick and tired of the Jack
boy terrorizing me all day.
Wyatt! Wyatt!
Get over here.
You are making friends
with the enemy.
Everybody thinks
I'm the bad guy.
Look at the facts.
Some guy I don't know
climbs up to my neighborhood
and breaks into my house.
That mini cramp.
- Hey Jack!
- Yeah
Not so nimble, are we?
[snaps]
[Lyle]
- Let's go.
- No.
Steals my golden harp
and my golden goose.
Made me reconsider having
so much gold in my house.
- [laughs]
- Then I wake up this morning,
and my wallet is gone.
Don't listen to him.
He is the bad guy.
Jack is the good guy.
Um, I don't know about that.
Look at what the good guy did.
Stole the skull cracker.
- Snuck it.
- Hey.
[Angie]
Oh. Snuck it.
[screams]
You weren't going to sneak any
of this stuff back, were you?
[growls]
Fee-fi-fo-fummit!
We'll never catch him.
Wyatt, you happen
to have an e-book
of Little Red Riding Hood
on your phone?
- No.
- Come on.
- Yes.
- Yeah.
Do you want me to bring out
a girl in a red hood
to chase Jack?
Not exactly.
Aah!
[vicious growl]
Man, for a famous beanstalk
climber, that is embarrassing.
Should I suck up the wolf now?
Let him sweat a little longer.
[scream]
[all]
Do it now!
Whoo!
I thought Jack was a good guy
and the giant was evil.
Makes you think.
About?
Isn't it obvious?
No.
Sometimes the people you think
are the bad guys,
are the good guys and the good
guys are the bad guys.
Yes, that's why you should never
judge a book by its cover.
Even an e-book.
[giant]
Laughs.
[Wyatt] Finally, somebody
with my sense of humor.
Time to get you guys back
right where you belong.
[Dante]
No, no, no.
Wait, wait.
If we send them back now,
Jack will just keep tormenting
the giant over and over again.
And we will not have righted
the wrong being committed.
Fine, but hurry it up.
You know, it's my first
night closing,
and you guys shouldn't
even be in here.
Now, before we send you back
into the book,
I'm giving you these therapy
foam bats.
Either of you feel frustrated,
you can use them
to take out your aggression
in a safe way.
Hey!
[Jack]
Okay.
Aah!
All right.
Dinner and a show.
You're cleaning that up!
Can't beat that
with a foam bat.
Huh?
[laughs]
[Lyle]
Angie, they're breaking stuff.
Whoo!
[Wyatt]
Okay.
Show's over.
[Barbara]
Dante!
Aha!
Aha you.
Caught you.
Doing what? Reading a book?
Well, that's not very like you.
Yeah, well sometimes the good
guys are the bad guys,
and the bad guys are the
good guys.
That's it. I'm
checking under your bed.
No, no. I did not fish
my dead bug collection
out of the trash
and hide it under my bed.
[gasps]
You
No, no, no.
What's that smell?
It's me. It's always me.