Mr. D (2012) s01e11 Episode Script

1
Ah, he's doing fairly
well, 'k, he could stay on task
a little more. Sometimes he
loses focus, but overall he's a
pretty good boy. You should be
very proud parents, and
grandparents and siblings.
He could stay on task a little
more, sometimes loses focus
but overall he's a
pretty good boy.
You should be very proud moms.
He could stay on task a little
more, 'cause he tends to lose
focus a little bit, but overall
he's a fine young man and you
- should be very proud.
- She.
- What did I say?
- He.
- He? Darla.
- Karla.
Karla. She's doing fairly well.
Good game, good game, good
hustle out there, good game.
- Great game Coach.
- Good game, good game.
- Hey Gerry! Good to see ya.
- Hey Derek. Yeah you too.
That's a tough loss. But
good news, home at home right?
Yeah, it's not whether
you win or lose it's how
- you play the game, so.
- That's the spirit.
That was this guys attitude all
through teacher's college.
How come you get so
mad when we lose then?
You know what? We
never really get to hang out,
catch up on old times. What do
you say we go grab a bite to eat
- tomorrow night?
- Oh no tomorrow's, we have
- to go out we have a thing. Yes.
- We do?
You know what? I'm just gonna
check with the wife to see if it's okay.
- And we're gonna do this.
- What are we
- doing tomorrow?
- Make something up when he
comes back, anything. Just make
something up where we're going.
- Why would I do that?
- Because we have nothing
in common, he always did
this in teacher's college.
- I have no desire to go out with him.
- Alright, we're all set up.
- We're going to strippers.
- Yeah, strippers.
- Tomorrow night, so.
- Stripclub.
- Yeah, we got reservations.
- Seriously?
You know who wants to see ya?
My wife Kate.
Kate who?
- Kate Dietrich.
- Kate
Kate Dietrich, remember?
You guys actually went out a
- few times, teacher's college.
- Kate married you?
Yup, are you surprised by that?
- Yeah, wow.
- Who's Kate Dietrich?
- Never mind.
- She wants to know
what you've been up to.
- I'd love to come.
- Okay.
- I'll bring my girl.
- You got a girl.
- Yes!
- I'd love to meet her.
You forgot about her.
Ok, well I'll text
you and set this up.
Ok, perfect. Alright.
Guess I'll have to go by myself.
Quiet, Simon.
You sold me out.
Sold me out again.
Kate Dietrich. Are you kidding me?
How many of the
trustees have confirmed?
- All of them.
- Oh good. I just want them
to know their generous donations
are being put to good use.
- You know?
- Well I'm sure they want
to know that too. So, how
are you spending the money?
Spent. It's already
gone. Suffice to say,
Callaghan's 25th anniversary
will be "statuesque".
- So it's a statue?
- Well yes it's a statue
but it's supposed to be a
surprise. Don't tell anybody.
Ok, well here's another
surprise for Callaghan, you
invited his ex-wives.
Both of them.
Don't you remember the 15th
anniversary? The portrait?
Well of course I
remember. That's why this item
will be made of much more
indestructible materials.
Smart, right? Right?
- Hey.
- Hi.
- Mind if I ask ya a favor?
- What's up?
Umm well I have these
friends, we're going out to
- dinner tonight. Would you come?
- What? Like a date?
No, not a date, I just
need you to, it's just yeah,
Maybe we could
act like it's a date.
- Oh, like a pretend date?
- Yeah.
Why do you want me
to be your pretend date?
A friend of mine married
this girl I used to date, and I
want them to see I have
something going on.
Yeah, you don't want to go alone.
You don't want to
look like a loser.
No, I'm in between girlfriends,
they don't need to
know this and you are fine.
Do you still have a thing for her?
No, I don't have a thing,
but I'm curious. Will you come?
- Yeah, I'm curious too.
- Ok, perfect.
- Alright.
- When you come, this girl
by the way was really, really
hot. Like French teacher hot.
So, you're presentable,
but, is there any way
I'll be French teacher hot.
- You can do that?
- What? You don't
- think I can?
- Could you wear a dress
- that's maybe a little less?
- Less what?
- Just less.
- Yeah, I can do that.
Ok and maybe your
hair, something with that?
I'm starting to realize
why you're between girlfriends.
No cardigan please.
One more thing Sir, it's
been 25 years since you started
here at Xavier Academy,
a quarter of a century.
- Silver anniversary.
- Yeah, I know that,
we've just gotta let the
whole thing come and go.
Think about it this way,
if you had murdered somebody
when you started here, you'd
just be eligible for parole
right now. That's longer than
most marriages last, I mean
heck, that's longer than both of
yours combined and then some.
Whatever it is you've
done, undo. Understood?
This might be bigger
than both of us, it's a surprise
and I just need you to go
along with it, you're gonna
- ROBERT! Undo!
- Yeah.
Big game tomorrow,
and we are going to win.
In order to get you all in the
right mindset for the game
during the warm up you will wear
these new warm up shirts we got
you, that will make sure that
you "choose not to lose."
It says 'loose' not 'lose' sir.
Ok, well the printers
made a mistake, we will tell
- them to redo them.
- Actually, I got the
receipt, it says you verified
the spelling. So there's no
- refund, no returns.
- Thank you Mr. Hunt.
- Choose not to loose
- Anyway, yup, not
important right now. What's
important is that we get our
heads in the game tomorrow.
So, we are going to do a little
visualization exercise, I'd like
you to shut your eyes and don't
open them until I tell you and I
would like you to visualize the
last few seconds of the game,
3 - 2 - 1, the buzzer sounds.
We win, we cheer,
we jump up and down.
You cheer and celebrate.
Then you gather 'round and you
lift me, just me, nobody else
high up into the air, thanking
me for the victory, cheering and
- cheering
- But Sir, you're too heavy.
Gabby, I'm not too heavy,
there's 10 of you, you're fine,
- just keep running.
- My arms are shaking.
- I can't hold you.
- You're falling, falling on
my legs, you're landing
on my legs!
I can't get up
Sir, I can't breathe.
- I can't either.
- Me neither, I can't carry
- you. Oh no, no.
- Oh, open your eyes.
It's ok Gabby, I'm gonna
help lift him. I got him here.
Oh yeah, he's heavy, I'll just
grab one of his pretty fat.
Simon! Mr. Hunt, hello? Mr. Hunt?
It's ok girls. Don't visualize
us winning. Ok?
I'm very below the weight
of someone of my height.
I'm in better shape than most.
I was not too heavy in that.
Go get changed.
So you gotta pay this
girl to go out with ya?
No, she's helping
me out as a favour
- and don't hit on her.
- I wouldn't hit on her,
she's your fake date buddy,
I can't disrespect that.
- Ya did at the dance.
- Oh.
- Is that her? Alright.
- Oh yes. Yeah that's her.
Is she wearing a cardigan?
- No she is not.
- Hi Gerry.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Hey.
- You ok?
- Yeah.
- Ok.
- How's it going?
- You look nice, pretty.
- Very, very pretty.
- Oh, thanks Gerry.
- Yeah, very pretty.
- I think you look great.
- Thank you.
- Oh man psst.
- Hey Gerry, how's it goin'?
- Hey Derek.
- Good to see ya.
- Hello Kate.
- Hi, look at you.
- You had your chance
- to do this a long time ago. Ok?
- Old pals huh?
- My girlfriend Lisa.
- I'm Derek.
- Oh, ok.
- Ok, that's whoa, nope.
Sorry, thought we were doing hugs.
- Hi, I'm Lisa.
- Oh, sorry.
- Hi.
- It's very nice to meet you.
- This is, ah, my wife
- Kate.
- Derek and Kate.
- The software upgrade.
- Sorry?
- And there's your
- software upgrade.
- Can you?
Sorry? Yup, I'm gonna
go get us a big old table to
- sit at, then we'll, ok, alright.
- Good call.
- Yeah.
- I've heard so much
- about you.
- Little bits, tidbits,
- tiny things.
- Oh.
I like your shoes. I'll just
Nice. Perfect. It
feels real, like it feels
- like we're a couple. Yeah.
- Like a real fake date.
You guys have been
together how long? A year?
A year, yeah. We met on a cruise.
Gerry, I'm so happy for
you, you finally found like one
person to spend the
rest of your life with.
I didn't just find
someone, I actually, I'm seeing
- a lot of people.
- Really? Are you ok
- with that?
- Yeah, she's fine.
She's fine, because she's also
not exclusive. She does her own
- thing, I do mine.
- Really?
Yeah, ok? This is fun girl.
So this is like a friends
with benefits kind of
- arrangement?
- Bingo!
No, we're friends.
Just friends, no benefits.
I work with Gerry, we work
at a school together and
- Very closely.
- So you guys have
- never dated?
- Ah, no we have.
- Each other?
- Ahhh no, not each other.
- Until tonight.
- So, Lisa?
- Yes?
- Are you dating anyone?
- Not right now, no.
- I see where you're goin'
- with this.
- Mmmhmm, Phillip.
- Yes!
- Oh, who's Phillip?
Oh, he is the greatest
guy. He's super funny, he's
- really successful.
- Yeah he's cute and single.
Oooh, I like all of those things.
He's all those things,
all those things right there
and single. Do you not see,
there's something wrong with
Phillip? Girlfriend break
up with him for anything?
His girlfriend was murdered.
- Oh my god.
- Yeah they found her body
- in a dumpster outside a mall.
- Was he questioned for?
No Gerry! Nobody
thought it was him.
If you got murdered, I
would want to ask him questions.
He's a really nice guy and
he would be great for Lisa here.
- Do it up.
- Maybe we could find
someone to set you up with
Gerry. If you're having trouble.
No, that would be really
hard. Like who would you?
That's great, that's
good. Gerry's fine. I've got a
girl that I'm actually getting a
lot tighter with. So, yeah, she
couldn't come tonight.
She was busy tonight.
Oh, maybe you can give her a call?
- Maybe.
- Try and get her out.
It's ok if you don't have
a girlfriend. It's not a big
deal, it doesn't make you a
loser or anything, it's fine.
- Ok, yeah I will.
- Yeah, just give her a ring.
- Yeah, on the telephone.
- I will call her.
- Yeah.
- Yup.
I'm just wondering
if I can cancel it? Cancel it!
Well, can I get a refund?
Tell you what. You can deliver
it then
- if I can cancel it first.
- I just need to cancel
it because I might lose my job.
Things aren't going well.
Just call one of your girls, the
- many girls you have.
- It's kinda short notice.
Just find somebody,
I just need somebody hot.
- I'll find you somebody hot.
- What about Wendy?
Come on man,
I'm not getting you Wendy.
- Come on Bill
- Diana.
- Is she hot?
- She's so hot.
- Ok perfect.
- I think she might
- already be working.
- Well check.
- I'll see.
- Tell her we're boyfriend
- girlfriend, stuff like that.
- I gotcha buddy. She's hot.
Can I speak to
your supervisor please?
- Hey Robert.
- Mr. Callaghan. I wasn't
- aware you were still here sir.
- Cheers.
I want to show you something.
Here, take a look at this
photograph. You know when that
was taken? 1982, off the coast
of Africa. I was there fishing,
very rare species of African
fish, since gone extinct.
Look at how young I look.
Sir, you're being ridiculous.
Listen Robert, about this
No, no you listen to me
sir. I've gone out of my way to
plan a pretty special day for
you tomorrow and I'm excited
about it. You know what you're
doing? You're getting all bogged
down in this age business, but
this isn't about that, you're
being selfish. So whatever you
need to do to clear out the
cobwebs in your melon and show
up tomorrow for game time
I am counting on you to do. Can I?
So it was a really,
really nice baby shower.
- That sounds nice.
- Yeah. I'm so proud
- of my sister.
- Oh hey, there she is.
- Hello, hello sweetie.
- Hello everybody.
- I'm Diana.
- This is Diana.
I'm Larry's girlfriend.
She calls me by my middle name.
Oh yeah? Wow, so your
name is Gerry Larry Duncan?
- It's Duncan.
- Wow, things you don't
- know about a person.
- Well, it's nice
- to meet you.
- It really is.
- It's a pleasure.
- Yup.
I'm gonna need my money up front.
Ah, so Diana, are
you and Gerry exclusive?
Ah, no we're not. Nope.
Wow, Gerry, it's hard for
you to settle down isn't it?
- Never wanted to get married huh?
- Well, I proposed once.
- And, ah, she said no.
- Gerry.
- He doesn't know?
- What?
I'm supposed to get paid up front.
Not now.
Funny thing, teacher's college,
- I proposed to Kate.
- Great. Thank you.
I can't believe you
never told me that.
You know what honey?
It just never came up. So I
No? You couldn't find
a place to squeeze it in huh?
- I really need my money.
- Ok, can you stop?
Why does she need money so bad?
- Not now.
- Gerry, is Diana a hooker?
- I'm an elite escort.
- Elite escort. I'm dating
- an elite escort.
- Why wouldn't you tell me
- that Gerry proposed to you?
- It was nothing,
- it meant nothing.
- Ok thanks. It was
- nice to see you again Gerry.
- Oh Derek come on.
It was really nice to meet you.
- Yeah.
- Honey, Derek.
I just want to get paid.
Do you have any money, Lisa?
- No.
- I don't have cash right
now, I'll get you the money.
You know, have we
worked together before?
- Oh no. Oh no.
- You look really familiar.
- Have you?
- No Gerry!
Just wondering.
Mrs. Callaghan-ss,
both of you. Welcome.
Glad you could make it.
- Where's Mr. Callaghan?
- I don't know.
Isn't that your job? Kinda?
Allright, girls. This is
father Brian. Priest at.
Martyrs and he is going to say
a little victory prayer for us.
- So let's get ready.
- I normally only do
- this for my own team.
- Ok, I understand that.
Father, but we don't want God
wanting Martyrs to win because
they prayed so even playing
field. Ok? Let's bow our heads.
But Coach, I'm not
Catholic. I'm Buddhist.
Well, one of us is wrong
about our gods so you pray to
yours and we'll pray to ours ok?
We'll cover all of our bases.
- Heads down, go ahead.
- Heavenly Father we
ask that you bless these girls
and their coach. We ask that
they play with all their effort
and their might, that they play
- safe and free from injury.
- And they win.
And that they
play competitively Lord.
- And that they win, Lord.
- And that they
- enjoy themselves, Lord.
- And they win Father.
You've never actually won a game?
- No.
- There are limits
to even the Lord's
capacity for miracles.
Thanks buddy. Good. Ok.
Blah blah blah, choo, choo.
Good, see ya. Yup.
Not even real. Listen,
we're not in the playoffs,
so this is our playoffs.
Some of you are seniors. This
is your last kick at the can.
Going into grade seven. You
may not make a team again.
Be the last time you could
ever be on a basketball court.
In your whole life.
Let's win. Let's finally win.
Ok? Choose not to
lose, which I fixed.
Let's put our hands in,
and let's cheer.
- I love you guys.
- I love you too, Gerry.
No, Simon.
"Hoosiers," my favorite movie.
You're my Jimmy Chitwood.
What are you wearing by the way?
We made them yesterday, sir.
"Friendship", "Girl Power".
We made one for you too Coach.
What? "Coach". Great.
Creative. Thank you guys. That
was great. Thank you for making
me that. It means a lot to me.
- It's pink.
- We made one for you too
- Mr. Hunt.
- Include him.
Might as well. Oh well that's
Wow! "Assistant
Coach". This is special.
That was nice. His is a
little nicer, but hands in.
- 1-2-3.
- NO MERCY!
Get out there. Yeah! Get up.
I feel like a gypsy bride.
Ok, you don't have to rub it in.
Oh, ladies and gentlemen
give him a Callag-hand and right
on time, fashionably late,
Principal Callaghan.
And his new ride
- Woohoo!
- Two wheeled.
Welcome. Take a seat
between the other two.
Sir, now that you've de-hogged,
welcome, nice ride motorbike.
So without any further adieu
Ta-da!
Good luck, Derek.
Thank you, Gerry. My wife's here
- if you want to propose.
- Ok, that's funny. Relax.
Did you bring the escorts today?
Why would I bring an escort?
Why would you bring one to dinner?
- Ok, that's
- There you are Larry.
- Hi Diana.
- Hi Derek.
- What are you doing?
- I didn't get my money yet.
I told Bill to give you the money.
Well Bill told me to
tell you to get me the money.
I don't have money
on me right now.
Well I'm not leaving
until I get my money.
I'll give it to you after
the game, just get out of here.
Go sit down, please.
You brought and escort to
a Catholic elementary school.
- Classy, Gerry.
- Coach?
- What?
- Your kids are going to
- have to lose the bracelets.
- No jewellery Gerry.
It's a fun little
bracelet they made.
- Would you relax?
- It's unsafe.
Well, you're wearing a bracelet.
It's a MedicAlert bracelet.
I'm allergic to penicillin.
I could die.
We have to get on
with the game so either they
take off the bracelets, or
you're gonna have to forfeit.
- Rules are rules Gerry.
- No, I'm not forfeiting.
That's what he wants.
You're pathetic.
You're out coach.
WHAT? You're throwing me out?
- Yes.
- See ya Gerry.
Simon, get out of the
chair please, for a sec.
I'm gonna throw it, like
Bobby Knight. Watch this.
I'm gonna scare everybody.
It's up to you now.
What am I supp?
Where you going Gerry?
You chose him over me.
- Hi, I'm Simon.
- Hi, I'm Diana.
- Hi.
- Hi girls.
- Hi. I like your shoes.
- Oh, thanks hon.
- What's with the eagle?
- Oh, that represents
me, on your shoulder,
always watching.
And what's with
the hand? I never do that.
You just you're doing it now.
- Nice touch.
- Yeah.
3-2-1
We won! We won! We won!
We won!
- I'm gonna get ice cream.
- What?
- We won.
- How did you do that?
Oh, I didn't do anything.
I froze up, but Diana, your
hooker friend, took over
and she was unbelievable.
- You let that girl coach?
- Anyway, she's taking us
- out for ice cream. See ya later.
- She coached.
- We won!
- You won!
Yeah, Diana was a great coach.
- Oh my gosh.
- Oh, and she asked me to
- give you this message.
- A message?
She said "I want my money."
Are you kidding me?
Who's he shooting?
Why is his ass so big?
What is that?
Look at the size of that bird?
Anyway, sorry about last
night. That was kinda went
- the wrong direction there.
- That's alright.
- I got a date out of it.
- Oh, did you? Good.
The guy that they were..?
The killer.
- He's not a murderer.
- Not sure.
If I did date you I would
be exclusive by the way.
- Just so you know.
- Good to know.
Just saying if.
You'd have to dress like
that every night too.
I did it sir, I won.
Well, the hooker helped.