Nurse Jackie s01e11 Episode Script

Previously on Nurse Jackie: - Ring, Jacks.
- Oh, God.
Oh, come on.
How are you gonna explain a sawn-off ring to Kevin? I will think of something.
- You told Eddie I have a kid.
- No.
No, I didn't.
Yes, I did.
I'm sorry.
Hey, Jackie.
I want you to meet someone.
- Oh, hi.
It's Melissa, right? - Yeah.
They're replacing me with a Pyxis.
Put in your two cents with the board or whatever that wants a Pyxis in the pharmacy.
Shut up.
We're getting a Pyxis? Zoey walked in on me and Eddie.
And I kissed Coop.
Yeah, I thought you'd like that.
Personally, I don't think God punishes us.
What about you? - You helping Mommy there, Grace? - Yes, she is.
- You're very good at this, sweetie.
- Thanks.
- You too, Fi.
- I know.
Me and Fi are gonna run an errand, aren't we, Fi? - You are? - It's secret.
- You're going to the bank.
- No, we're going to pick out a new Fi, easy.
- Secret.
- But I really wanna tell.
I know, baby.
It's very hard to keep a secret, isn't it? Okay.
Beautiful.
- You ready to tap, lady? - Yes.
Okay.
We'll see you later.
Okay.
Have fun.
- Thank you.
- Bye.
I wasn't gonna tell her.
Yes, you were.
I know.
- Look at them.
- I know.
My God, when did they get so big? I want another one.
Babies.
Don't you miss babies? - No, not really.
- Okay, here we go.
Now, kids, "Shuffle Off to Buffalo.
" Three to the right, three to the left.
And the mothers joining in on the toe, heel, toe, heel.
Four in a row, huh? Okay, here we go.
And five, six, seven, and Kaitlyn, sweetie, just make a little more space.
Good, Kaitlyn.
Excellent.
Ginny, can you please ask Kaitlyn to leave space? - I'm sorry? - Here we go.
Toe, heel, toe, heel.
- Toe, heel, toe, heel.
- Hey.
Sweetheart, spread out a bit so she's not running into you, okay? The steps travel, Jackie.
If Grace isn't moving on the step shuffle, Kaitlyn's gonna bump into her.
That's just how it goes.
I was gonna get it soldered.
But now I'm thinking diamond.
What do you think? Yeah, I think you should get your wife a diamond ring.
- That's what I think.
- Let's get her that one.
This one is 2 carats.
It's 10 percent off.
And you have a great eye.
That's better than 10 carat, You know, I'm thinking, in a perfect world, less than a carat.
Only because she's not that fancy.
Yes, she is.
You're right, baby.
Mommy is very fancy.
No.
Let's get a bunch of them.
Or let's get one really good one.
I like that one.
It's sparkly.
Me too.
- Is this for her broken finger? - Yep.
- Can it be from all of us? - Do you think it's fancy enough? - We'll take it.
- We'll take it.
Great.
Kaitlyn, honey, can you leave a little bit of room for Grace? Thanks.
- Mom, it's okay.
I don't care.
- I care, honey.
Please don't scold my daughter.
I'm just trying to take care of my kid, that's all.
You're doing great, Kaitlyn.
- We paid our 10 bucks just like you did.
- Well, didn't you practice? That's not very nice, Kaitlyn.
Okay, I told you not to scold my child.
I asked your child to make a little bit of room for my child and I think I said please.
I don't think she practiced.
- Have you always been such a snot? - Mom, don't.
- You're embarrassing your daughter.
- Fuck you.
- Is there a problem here? - No.
- She said the F.
- In a church.
- I think it's best if - Let's just get out of here.
We don't need this nonsense.
Having fun You have fun in a tap class, right? Ridiculous.
I'm not having fun.
Let's take an art class where you don't have to wear stupid shoes.
You've all been furnished with a PIN number.
Every medication removed from the machine will be traced to your number and shortages will not be tolerated.
- Now - What did you do to your finger? I smashed it with a hammer.
- It's okay, you don't have to tell me.
- I'm not going to.
Every interaction is stored in the Pill-O-Matix's memory.
- I thought we were getting a Pyxis.
- Same machine, half the price.
Pill-O-Matix is a superior machine.
- You're gonna love this thing.
- No, I seriously doubt it.
Your shitty pill dispenser is replacing me.
I feel like it's inappropriate to have this meeting in front of Eddie.
- Couldn't agree more.
- Thanks.
Do I keep going? Once you've entered your PIN, the touch screen will prompt How do you sleep at night putting someone out of their job? I hired Eddie Walzer 10 years ago.
This is the saddest day I've had.
If you wanna try doing my job, you go right ahead.
It is designed to safely manage the flow of pharmaceuticals and medical supplies from the point of order - Are you okay? - Fuck them.
How's your finger? My kid taped it.
It's good, huh? Yeah.
- Don't worry.
I don't work here anymore.
- Ed, please don't say that.
I am gonna miss seeing you every day.
Please, I can't even Got a little something for you, a going-away present.
- Oxy, baby.
- For me, really? Eighty milligram tabs.
Go easy.
Love you.
Love you more.
So you spend a lot of time with Jackie, right? Yeah.
We are really close.
She gave me this penlight, actually.
- Nice.
- She is nice.
I mean, not to you, but, you know, to other people who are more Doesn't it hurt? What does she like? Many things.
She likes gum and coffee.
- And - Hey, Coop.
- You forgot your pager on my desk.
- Oh, Jesus, thanks, man.
- Here, put it in my pocket.
- No, I'm good.
Cheers.
- Does she have a boyfriend? - What? Who? Does? Is Jackie seeing anyone? I think she's seeing someone.
But you're not sure.
- Hi.
- Hey.
I was in the neighborhood.
Next time you tell the story, don't say you got thrown out.
Say the brat's mother pulled a gun on you or something.
It was awful.
You should have seen Gracie's face.
She turned bright red.
I thought she was gonna pass out.
What a fucking mess.
Do I want to know how you broke your finger? Nope.
I'm just shocked.
I thought we were perfect together.
We are.
We were.
L You're It's so not you, I promise.
You're exactly my type.
I've dated a hundred of you.
- Oh, my God, that's even worse.
- No, it's a compliment.
Like, on Mars.
No, I'm trying to say that you're perfect.
Then what is the problem? I kissed someone else, okay? And I felt something I never felt.
You can see other people.
I don't wanna see other people.
It's a focus thing.
And you wanna focus on her? Sort of.
If I walk away, I am never coming back.
You know this, right? I mean, I'm willing to stick around while you figure this out, but if I go, that's it, I'm gone.
Look, I'm a fucking mess.
- You deserve someone who's not so - Holy shit.
You're gonna let me walk away, aren't you? Un-fucking-believable.
Shit, that looks like a breakup.
Oh, goody.
Now he can take you to the prom.
I kissed him.
Oh, my darling, what a wildly entertaining mess you've made.
Go ahead.
Get it out of your system.
I hate you.
- No.
- Yes.
And This too.
Don't, Coop - Dr.
Cooper? - What the hell? We got a broken arm.
I know that guy.
He's the movie guy from Good Morning, New York.
Does this hurt? Yes, that hurts.
All right, let's get a right radial ulna and a couple of views of the humerus.
Any other pain, Mr.
Nutterman? Feels like someone's kicking me in the chest every time I breathe.
Well, you may have a cracked rib or two.
Get an AP and lateral chest as well.
So how'd you fall? Bike? Stairs? I was walking Well, no, I was waiting at the corner of 9th and 2nd looking at my AirBook, and I stepped off the curb and misjudged my footing and I just fell.
You were working on your laptop and crossing 2nd Avenue at the same time? Well, it sounds stupid when you say it, but there's not a scratch on my laptop.
Were you working on a review? Sorry.
We all recognized you.
"Neil Nutterman's Heads or Tails.
" Welcome.
Well, the pressure's good.
Can I ask you something? Go ahead.
Hotel for Dogs, the worst movie of the year? Seriously? Let me guess.
You loved Air Bud.
Yeah, that's beside the point.
You go around insinuating people are stupid for liking the things they like.
What is that about? Need I remind you that you insinuated I was stupid for walking and typing at the same time? I did indeed.
- Zoey, you wanna take this one? - Yep.
In your professional opinion, why are cats so underused in the film industry? I hate cats.
Could I get a pillow or something? No.
You kissed me.
Yes.
You reached out to somebody safe.
Okay, don't ever do that again.
Hey, should I get some kind of exit interview or something? Hold off on that, okay? I'm trying to find a satellite pharmacy, maybe Oncology, maybe NICU.
I got a call in at Bellevue.
Reduce, reuse, recycle.
It's what the kids say.
Hang in there with me, Eddie.
I'm trying.
I'm still in a lot of pain.
Can you do something about this? I'm sorry, I have to wait another hour before I give you any more pain medication.
- Would you like some water? - I hate water.
- You probably hate rainbows too.
- What? Is there anything else I can get for you? Perhaps something furry that purrs and gives nothing but love? Fine.
I'll drink water, but only with lemon.
Hello.
I'm Gloria Akalitis, emergency-room administrator.
- That sounds like fun.
- Not all our jobs can be fun.
My job is to hold people to a higher standard.
Do you know what an un-fun, thankless job that is? Oh, I know.
I don't need people to agree with me.
I expect good.
I expect smart.
And if that makes me the bad guy A fellow bad guy, that's refreshing.
Nice to meet you.
- I didn't introduce myself.
- Oh, I know who you are.
If it weren't for Foreign Film Fridays, I would have never seen Bicycle Thief.
- So thank you.
- Well, thank you.
Gloria, was it? Yes, Gloria.
You should consider giving Babette's Feast another chance.
I was in a bad place when I screened that.
I was going through my divorce, and Something in your ear? A ringing sound? Tinnitus? - I think it's something alive.
- What makes you think it's alive? Because I can feel it crawling around in there.
When did it start? I was sleeping and then I woke up when I felt something you know, crawling around in there.
Do you have any cockroaches where you live, Mr.
Singer? You think it's a cockroach? I hope not, but let's have a look.
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God, what? What is it? "Oh, my God," as in, I'm relieved.
No cockroach.
But don't go anywhere.
Spider.
I'm sorry, I could never wear anything that costs 100 times as much as the tap class I was just kicked out of.
You're officially dwelling.
Besides, I told you to beware of any class that touts the mother-daughter relationship as carefree.
You are so bitter.
You know, it's not like your mother ran off with your boyfriend and married him on your 25th birthday, or - Did I bring up a sore subject? - Go ahead, make a joke.
After all, it's only my life.
Precisely the reason why I need to drown my sorrows in places like this.
Have you heard from your sister? Well, she left Paris, flew to London, got as far as the hospital and then was turned away from our mother's bedside by the wicked stepfather.
Once again, we are living the same life.
Oh, hello, my sweet.
Yeah, it's all a big fucking mess.
But I reckon if Stella McCartney can steer her way clear of a one-legged, gold-digging stepmother and still make something this beautiful I too can endure.
Oh, spring knits.
We're still getting ribs at Houston's, right? I hate shopping.
Okay, Mr.
Singer, I'm sorry for the delay.
Please take your shirt off.
It might get wet.
Were going to get that little sucker out of there.
- You said there wasn't a cockroach.
- Spider.
Oh, get it out.
Get it out.
- You're not sticking that in my ear.
- It's just a syringe.
No needle.
We're going to flush him out.
Tilt your head, please.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
- Oh, God.
- I think it's fighting it.
- I can feel it.
- Don't panic.
Just turn your head over to the other side.
Down came the rain and washed the spider out.
- Show's over.
- Holy shit.
Look at the size of it.
What? I think I feel something crawling around in the other ear.
Where do you live, in the woods? Can we give Mr.
Nutterman something stronger for pain? When was the last time he had something? - Five hours ago.
- Give him another 50 mics of fentanyl.
- This'll help.
- Thank you.
I think you give Kevin Costner a harder time than he deserves.
He should pick better movies.
What about the one where he played the Coast Guard guy? - The Guardian.
- I liked it.
Look, I didn't hate it, and I honestly have no problem with Ashton Kutcher.
I just think I I think I'm feeling rather Oh, shit.
- Did I do something wrong? - He's in respiratory distress.
Get a crash cart, page O'Hara.
God.
Come on.
Come on, Nutterman.
What the hell? He had a broken elbow.
Looks like anaphylactic shock.
- What did you give him? - Fentanyl.
- He's allergic to codeine.
- But I gave him fentanyl.
It's a different opiate.
He had some earlier and he was fine.
He was given the correct dosage.
Can you read? What does that say? - "Two hundred fifty micrograms.
" - What? Again, louder.
Two hundred fifty.
- This is the easiest part of your job.
- I got it.
Zoey, go.
I'll talk to you later.
Okay, you're off the floor.
No more patients.
You can answer phones.
That's about it.
This is not good.
- What the hell happened? - Gloria, l This is just as much your fault as it is hers.
Zoey, in my office, now.
I put a film critic in a coma.
You know, when I wake up, the first thing I think is I hope I don't kill anyone today.
It's good to have goals.
The only thing I wanna do besides help people is not kill them.
We all make mistakes.
I shaved a woman's pubic hair before she got her tonsils out.
- Why would you? - Exactly.
I missed an aneurysm on my 14th day.
I left the room for 90 seconds.
That's all it took.
I should have been there.
When you get to the other side of it, you'll be a better nurse.
And if you let it get to you, it'll destroy you.
Yeah, but Dr.
O'Hara's not gonna trust me again.
And Jackie is Oh, my God, you're gay.
I just got that.
God.
Listen, they will trust you.
They can't do their job if they don't.
Plus, he's not dead.
So you're, like, out, right? Thank you for the heads-up.
You're back.
I went online.
I wanna show you something.
This is a twist lock, right? Did that thing just do what I think it did? Resets the memory too.
So if it resets itself, you can get anything you need.
Think about it as going-away present number two.
Holy shit.
- You gotta know this is really killing me.
- I know.
And hear me when I say it's gonna be fine.
We'll have time, privacy.
I'll meet your kid.
You can meet my mom.
So how do you spell Mississippi? M-l-S-S-l-S-S-l-P-P-I.
- Correct.
- Hello.
Mom, look.
Hot dogs and peanut butter.
How are you, sweetie? For you.
Thank you.
For you.
She'll come around.