The Brady Bunch (1969) s01e11 Episode Script

1
Here's the story of a lovely lady ♪
Who was bringing up
three very lovely girls ♪
All of them had hair of gold,
like their mother ♪
The youngest one in curls.
It's the story of a man named Brady ♪
Who was busy
with three boys of his own ♪
They were four men living all together ♪
Yet they were all alone.
Till the one day
when the lady met this fellow ♪
And they knew that it was
much more than a hunch ♪
That this group must
somehow form a family ♪
That's the way they all became
The Brady Bunch ♪
The Brady Bunch, The Brady Bunch ♪
That's the way they became
The Brady Bunch. ♪
Mrs. Brady, I don't know how you do it.
Do what?
Take a tiny seed,
some dirt and a little water
and get a beautiful flower.
Whenever I try it,
all I get's a muddy seed.
Oh, Alice.
MARCIA: Mother! Mother!
I'm out here in the backyard.
Goodness, I had no idea it's after 3:00.
After 3:00 it's time for the
cookie brigade to get home.
Mother, they nominated me!
I couldn't believe it, but they did.
They nominated you for what?
President of the student body.
Sweetheart, that's wonderful. Oh, that's
really great, Marcia. That's wonderful.
Wait till you hear who
I'm running against.
Oh, whoever it is, it doesn't matter.
I'm sure that you'll win.
But, Mother
No matter who it is, you'll win.
Mom! Alice! Guess what? What?
I was just nominated for
president of the student body.
You mean?
That's what I was trying to tell you.
We're running against each other.
And they were both nominated
for student body president.
Both our kids for the same office?
Yeah. We've been keeping
your dinner warm.
Oh, honey, I'm sorry I'm late.
Of course, two people
running for election
living in the same house.
Hmm, yeah, I see what you mean.
Hi, Alice.
Hi, Mr. Brady. Everything's
pretty well done.
Well, that's the way I like it, well done.
Especially when I don't have a choice.
Greg was nominated
and so was Marcia, huh?
Yep. For student body president.
( Cabinet door slams )
CAROL: Honey, be careful.
We've got a cake in the oven.
Whoever wins the election,
we have to have a celebration.
I know what you're thinking.
We might have some problems.
Well, in the heat of an election
candidates sometimes get carried away.
That's the truth.
I remember
when I was in grammar school
a little girl that was running for office
actually pulled another little girl's hair.
I bet nobody voted for that little girl.
Right. That's how I lost the election.
( Both giggle )
Well, she yanked my hair first.
Oh, Alice.
Well, I'm sure we won't have
those kind of problems
with Greg and Marcia.
Mm, that's true.
I think we're worrying about nothing.
Greg and Marcia are sensible kids.
GREG: Get off that phone!
MARCIA: I will not!
I have just as much
right to use it as you do.
Don't you dare touch this phone!
What's going on in here?
She's hogged it long enough.
He'll just have to wait till I'm finished.
Marcia, get down off that
chair with your shoes on.
Dad, I asked her three times
if I could use the phone.
He never asked. I even said please.
He never asked; He
just told me to get off!
Put it down, and we'll talk about it.
( Phone slams down )
Young lady, pick up that receiver.
And put it down properly.
Now let's all sit down.
Uh-uh, over there.
Come on, move, move.
Now, Marcia, how long
were you on the phone?
Five minutes.
Five minutes, ha! Yes!
Okay, okay. Does this have something
to do with the elections, is that it?
Yeah. She was calling kids on the phone
trying to get their votes.
What did you want to use it for?
The same thing.
I'm surprised at you.
So am I.
We're proud that you're both running
for student body president,
but you're behaving
like kindergarten kids.
Girls are always talking on the phone.
Who are they talking to?
Boys.
I guess we'll have to make rules
about the telephone
during this campaign.
Right, we'll make time limits.
Like how about a half hour
for each person?
Only a half hour? Half hour!
MIKE: Sounds good to me.
Look, you can make one call or ten.
That's entirely up to you.
MIKE: Let's say 7:30 to 8:00 for Marcia.
And 8:00 to 8:30 for Greg.
Okay?
Okay.
I guess so.
Can I use it now?
When Marcia's half hour is over.
In the meantime, you
can start your homework.
I'll use the extension upstairs.
( Both chuckle )
Marcia doesn't have
a chance against Greg.
You mean, he doesn't have
a chance against her!
Not a chance!
( Feet stomping )
You're stamping your foot just like a girl.
Yeah, just like a girl.
Well, dumb-dumbs,
that's what I am.
Greg'll beat her anyway.
You say that once more, and I'll bop you.
No. Here, here, here.
That'll be enough of that.
PETER: Dad
Now, just a second.
Look, kids, no matter who wins
we want you to be happy about it.
Oh, come on now.
Let's have some smiles here.
( Oven bell dings )
( loud thud )
Well, we should have known all along
that the boys would take Greg's side
and the girls would take Marcia's side.
Everybody's always taking sides
kids, grown-ups, countries.
You know something, Mike? What?
I think it's very important
that we show Marcia and Greg
that we're not taking sides.
Honey, you're absolutely right.
And the sooner we let them know that
the better.
Sweetheart
Ow.
Working on your campaign?
Uh-huh.
Well, after you win
will I have to call you Miss President?
Mom, will you help me win the election?
Sure.
Then you'll be helping me beat Greg.
Not at all.
I'll be helping you win an election.
If Greg needs my help, I'll help him, too.
My opponent?
Strictly impartial.
Marcia, do you blame me?
Yes, but I guess you're right.
Good now, how can I help?
Well, we can spend up
to ten dollars on the campaign
and I was trying to decide the best way
to use the money.
Hmm, ten dollars, ten dollars.
Why don't we make posters?
You know, big colorful signs
with slogans.
Groovy.
Will you help me with the slogan?
Oh, sure.
Then you plug it in here, see?
How do you record?
These two buttons.
Stop it here.
Gee, thanks, Dad.
Well, anything to help you, son.
You know, with ten bucks worth of tapes
I could blast my campaign promises
from every loudspeaker in school.
Thanks again.
That's okay, Greg.
Testing, one, two, three.
Testing, one, two, three.
Testing, one, two, three.
Testing, one
two, three.
Everything all right with Marcia?
Uh-huh. How about Greg?
Oh, he's fine.
I'll see if there's
any way I can help Marcia.
She'll be happy about that.
I'll let Greg know he can count on me.
Well, how'd you do with Mr. Benson?
He said we could
hold the rally in the morning
as long as we stopped at the first bell.
Great.
What's that for?
Oh, I got an idea last night.
My father let me use his recorder.
Just listen to this.
I figure we can play it
on the loudspeaker in between classes.
That way, it'll say "vote for Greg"
with all my campaign promises.
( Silence )
Well, you didn't promise them too much.
That's funny.
Maybe there's a different tape in it.
Let's see.
This is the right one.
Maybe someone erased it.
Marcia.
It took me two hours
to get this tape right.
Just wait till I get home.
Boy, am I going to let her have it.
What are you doing?
I lost something and I'm looking for it.
Oh, we'll help you look.
Yeah.
What are we looking for?
I don't know.
What are we looking for?
A sheet of notebook paper
with my campaign plans.
Maybe I left it in the bedroom.
We'll look up there.
Come on, Cindy.
Marcia, that was a dirty trick.
Huh?
You shouldn't have done it.
Done what?
You know.
No, I don't.
About the tape!
What tape?
You erased the tape I made
on Dad's recorder.
I didn't even touch Dad's tape recorder.
But what do you know
about my slogans for
my campaign posters?
I'm sure I left them here
in the family room.
What slogans?
I didn't even know
you were using posters.
All right, all right. What's going on, huh?
Marcia erased the tapes I made
on your recorder last night.
No, I didn't.
Greg took the plans
for my campaign slogans.
I left them in here, and
they were gone this morning.
Campaign slogans?
Were they on notebook paper?
Two sheets of notebook paper.
Oh, Marcia, I'm sorry.
Greg didn't take them; I did.
You did?
Yes, ma'am.
They looked like a bunch of doodles
and I thought they were scrap
paper and I threw it away.
You threw it away?
I'm sorry.
What good does that do me?
MIKE: Honey
Alice said she was sorry.
I bet she meant to do it.
She's been living with Greg longer
and she wants him to win.
Marcia!
I am sorry. I had no idea
it was something important.
Oh, that's all right, Alice.
What about the tape she erased?
Oh, Greg, you don't know that.
And you were going to be impartial.
Oh, boy!
( Sobbing )
Sweetheart
Sweetheart, I know
that crying helps some,
but I think it would help more
if you went downstairs
and apologized to Alice.
Apologize? Why?
Well, deep down you know
that Alice didn't deliberately
throw away your papers
and you just said that out of anger.
Isn't that true?
( Crying )
Well isn't it?
I guess so.
It's just like Greg accusing you
of destroying his tape.
You didn't do that.
You're right, Mother, of course not.
Boy, Marcia's sure going to be surprised
when she sees these posters
we're making for her.
It was a good idea, Alice.
I sure hope it helps her campaign.
Can I make another one?
You finished already?
That doesn't say anything.
Alice said to copy the letters.
She didn't say how.
You know, I like it.
It's kind of catchy.
It'll really make people
remember her name.
MARCIA: Hi.
Oh, hi!
Look at these neat posters.
Look at mine, look at mine!
That's our scrabble poster.
Alice, are you helping me
make the posters, too?
You bet your bottom ballot.
Alice?
What is it, sweetie?
Alice, I
I said a couple of things a while ago.
I know exactly what
you're going to say, honey.
You don't even have to bother to say it.
Thanks.
Come on, come on, we
haven't got time for all this mush.
We've got posters to get done.
Bobby said you wanted to see me.
Yeah. Greg, I think
we better straighten out a few things.
I'm sorry I got angry, Dad, but
I was sore about Marcia erasing my tape.
How do you know
Marcia erased your tape?
Well, who else would have?
You.
Me?!
Or any of the kids.
Greg, I've punched the wrong key
on that thing myself sometimes.
Come on, be honest.
You don't know Marcia
erased your tapes. Well
It isn't any different
than Marcia thinking
you threw her paper away.
Okay, you win.
I'm not trying to win anything.
It could've happened that way I guess.
Is it settled then?
Settled.
You know, Dad, lots of kids think
their parents are wrong about everything,
but I think you're right
quite often.
Thank you, Greg.
Okay, you ready?
All right, now do it just the way I told you.
V-o-t-e! V-o-t-e!
Vote for
Greg! Greg!
ALL: Yay, Greg!
Boy, that was neat-o!
I bet Greg will be real surprised.
Yeah. Where did you learn that?
I used to be a cheerleader in high school.
Oh, will you do one
of your cheers for us?
Please? Please?
Yeah. Here, here.
E-v-a-n-d-e-r.
E-v-a-n-d-e-r.
Evander! Evander! Yay
( crack )
Team.
What's the matter?
I remembered the cheer
but my back didn't.
Do you like this campaign pledge?
"I will try my best to get more boys
to the Friday night school dance."
Well, I think it's a great pledge,
but you're fighting a losing a battle.
Why?
Well, we girls have been trying
to get boys to come
to the school dance since 3000 B.C.
Really, Mom?
Well, I've only been at it since 2000 B.C.
( chuckles )
Hi, how's it going?
Oh, fine, we're just going over.
Marcia's campaign speech.
You got it in
pretty good shape now, Marcia?
Well, I hope so.
I've promised everybody
everything I could think of.
Sounds like you're running for Congress.
I mean every one of my promises, too.
Forget what I said about Congress.
Say, listen, maybe you and Greg
would like to try out your speeches
in front of an audience.
What audience?
Our family. Yeah.
When we all get together
we're a whole audience all by ourselves.
That is, unless you've got some secrets
you don't want Greg to hear.
There aren't any secrets, Mom.
Our platforms were printed
in the school paper last week.
If it's all right with Greg
we'll have a full-scale rehearsal tonight.
Great.
And as my last pledge
I promise to set one
afternoon aside each week
to listen to anyone who has
a complaint or suggestion.
I promise to follow through
until you are satisfied with the result.
Listening's okay, but
results are what count
and that's what you'll get
from me, if you vote results.
( Whistling )
And as your president
I would always
I would always represent all of you
whether you vote for me
or not.
Thank you.
( Sobbing )
Shh!
Gang, it's time we had a little talk.
I hope you three are proud of yourselves.
And your behavior while Greg
was speaking was just as bad.
Oh, Marcia, your speech was just fine.
You mustn't let the boys upset you.
I know, but
And look, if you're going to run
for any kind of office
you have to expect the opposition to be
well, rude.
On the other hand,
you shouldn't have to expect it
in your own home.
Yes, that's exactly right.
Now, I don't want to make
a big thing about this,
but your mother and I don't
like what just happened.
Well, you've made it
a contest between boys and girls.
That isn't right.
We're going to be a family for a lot longer
than either Marcia or
Greg would be in office.
Okay, you can go now.
Mom, did you say there was more paint
in the garage for the posters?
Uh-huh, top shelf on the left,
right next to my old golf clubs.
How come you don't
ever play golf anymore?
With six children, a husband,
a house and a dog,
you ask me "how come?"
Sorry.
Marcia?
Yeah, Mom?
Um, I'd like to talk
to you about something.
Okay.
Well, I've been wanting to talk to you
about this for a long time
but, well, one minute
I tell myself to forget it
and then I I, um
What is it?
Marcia, you are one year
younger than Greg
and you do have
two additional semesters
to run for student body president,
and I just thought that maybe
well
Forget it, sweetheart.
May the best Brady win.
Go ahead, get the paint for the posters.
Okay, precinct workers,
how many votes can we count on
from Rick's class?
Uh, Rick
Here it is.
14 out of 27.
14
Ooh, that's awful close.
Yeah, even for a football game.
I'm not worried about a football game.
I'm worried about this election.
Greg?
Yeah?
I know a sure way
for you to win tomorrow.
GREG: A sure way? How?
We could start a rumor about her.
A rumor about Marcia?
RUSTY: Uh-huh, you
know, something nasty,
like she was seen in the balcony
at the movies last Saturday afternoon
with that creep, Felix Brown.
Wait a minute, you.
You're talking about my sister.
You start a rumor like that
and I'll personally knock your head in.
RUSTY: Don't get tough with me, Greg.
I got a lot of votes lined up for you.
I'm your campaign manager.
You were my campaign manager.
Now, get lost, Rusty!
You mean that?
GREG: You bet I mean it.
I don't like that kind of stuff.
You've really done it, Greg.
You've blown the election.
GREG: And I was editor of the yearbook
and member of school council
for three semesters.
And I've had a lot more experience
than my worthy opponent.
And that's why I think
you should elect me president
of the student body.
Thank you.
MAN: And now we'll hear
from the other candidate,
who, by coincidence, has
the same last name
as the first candidate.
Marcia Brady.
( Applause )
Thank you, Mr. Dickens.
Fellow students,
I had a prepared speech,
but I'm not going to use it,
and for a very good reason.
I have reconsidered my candidacy.
( Murmuring )
My opponent has more experience
than I do in school government.
Besides, I think he's real groovy.
If those of you
who helped in my campaign
really want to elect
the best president for the job
it's Greg Brady, brother or not.
Thank you.
( Applause )
( All talking at once )
Oh, Alice, you shouldn't
have put my name on it.
I told her to.
You'd have won the election.
Uh-uh, you'd have run away with it.
No, no, no, you're wrong.
You were a cinch!
I didn't have a chance!
Just a minute. The election's over.
As far as I'm concerned,
there are two winners.
And we are all equally proud
of both of them.
ALICE: Hear, hear!
Now, if you two winners
would please blow out the candles
before they melt the cake.
CAROL: Oh! All right!
I want a rose.
( All talking )
CINDY: Mommy, Mommy!
I'm in here, sweetheart, in your room.
Mommy!
Mommy, guess what?
They made me crossing
guard for a whole week!
Oh, sweetheart, that's wonderful.
And that's a very important job.
Oh, I'm so proud of you.
And guess who I beat out?
Guess who!
( Crying in distance )
( Crying )
I don't have to guess.
Oh, sweetheart.