The Troop (2009) s01e11 Episode Script
The Good, the Bad and the Ickie Doll
[sound of running, panting]
[Christmas music]
[laughter]
It's been said that my best
quality is my sense of humour.
Uh-uh.
I've been watching how you act
at school and your best quality
is that you're all man,
head to toe, stem to stern.
Aw
[panting]
I wish this date didn't have
to end, but Christmas Eve
is tomorrow and I guess you'll
be spending it with your family.
Ah, I don't have
any family left.
We McCarthy's have
had a run of bad luck,
avalanches, stampedes and,
recently, attacked by sharks?
But Nana Esther
went down fighting.
Wow, that's really
good to hear
I mean, because maybe you'd want
to spend Christmas Eve with me.
Let's.
AHHH!
[pow!]
[tires screech]
AHHHH! AHHHH! AHHHH!
It's okay, Stockley.
It was just a scarecrow.
AHHHH! AHHHH!
AHHHH! AHHHH!
Snap out of it!
It was just a stupid scarecrow.
It's all right.
AhAHHH! AHHH!
AHHH! AHHH! AHHH! AHHH!
Forget it.
I'm calling a cab.
[Stockley continues screaming]
[squish]
Ohhhahhh
Oh.
Linda!
Come back!
I'm all man again.
Linda!
Jake Aw, Phoebe,
an early Christmas present?
You shouldn't have.
But since you did
Uh-uh.
Here's the deal, Jake.
One of these Christmas
presents is amazing,
and one of them stinks.
They'll average each
other out.
Which one you get depends
on what you give me
tomorrow for Christmas.
Hint: It better
be an Ickie Doll.
A who?
A red Ickie Doll.
I've told you a million times.
Oh yeah, right.
I got you one, don't worry.
It's taken care of.
Really?
You got me an Ickie Doll?
Jake Um-hum.
A real Ickie Doll?
That's so great!
Because they've been sold
out everywhere for weeks.
And if you had to
actually get one now,
it would require a huge
effort on your part.
Effort.
Ouch.
So, what's the good
present exactly?
[slap]
It depends.
If you get me the red
Ickie Doll, shown here,
your present is something
I spent months collecting
special codes to get.
But if you do what you did
last year and re-gift
a pair of sock from Grandma
Special codes?
You got me the Super
GameStation Seven?
I've already said too much.
I swear, Jake, you better
have gotten me an Ickie Doll.
And if you haven't, you'll get
the bad gift and it won't be
returnable and I'll cry to Mom
and Dad until they make you
wear it in public.
And if you think I'm kidding,
try me.
Gotta go.
Merry Christmas.
Boys are so easily trained.
[voice cracks]
Hi, Linda.
[deep voice] Hey, baby.
[dialing beeps]
[phone rings]
Linda [on answering machine]
If you're a real man,
leave your message at the tone.
If you're a screaming Mimi,
don't even bother.
[beep]
[Christmas music]
[door rattles]
They open in five minutes.
What are you doing here?
Ickie Doll, for Phoebe.
Hayley Okay, me too.
My mom collects them.
I tried to buy one last week.
They sold out in less
than 10 minutes.
Jake Are you kidding me?
What do these things do?
Play music? Fly?
Not everything has to be
electronic to be cool, Jake.
[coughs] Wrong.
Ickie Dolls, it's all
about the experience.
You get to adopt them,
name them.
They even have a pen-pal
program where your Ickie Doll
can write to other
Ickie Dolls in other countries.
Hey, where is everybody?
Jake "In order to protect
the safety of our store
employees, we have decided
to sell the Ickie Dolls
straight from the truck.
Good luck, Merry Christmas
and please donate to the
Jim Needs A New Eye Fund."
[shouting crowd]
This is a disaster.
Jim Okay, people,
calm down, okay?
Just calm down.
Pushing and shoving
seems like a fun idea
until someone loses an eye.
And it's not just
an expression, hmm?
Let's make a pact.
Whoever gets to the front
of the line first, buys two.
Deal.
Come get your Ickie Dolls!
Let's do this!
[crowd cheers]
Excuse me.
Excuseexcuse
Pardon me.
Jim There you go.
There you go.
Jake Excuse me.
[whack]
Oomph! Ahh
[crowd cheers and shouts]
Jim I'm sorry, but we
are out of Ickie Dolls.
Okay, I'm sorry.
It's not my fault.
I just want to go
back to my family.
Easy, little one.
Easy, easy.
Back off!
Let go!
Ah-ha, awesome.
Where's mine?
Sorry, Hayley,
this was the last one.
I know how much you really
want this for your mom, so
if you ever want to talk about
your feelings of not getting it,
I'm here for you.
Hee hee hee!
I'm just saying, keeping
the doll wasn't very
Christmassy of you.
It's totally Christmas
very Scrooge.
It's like your mom's getting
a visit from the ghost of
You're An Adult And Wasting
Your Life With Stupid Dolls.
Whoa!
Felix, what did you do?
Felix Navidad!
Welcome, to the annual live
webcast of the Felix Garcia
Christmas Spectacular,
starting in only six hours.
Can you believe it's my
sixth year singing Christmas
carols to puppets?
Yes.
Yes, I can.
Felix And this year I added
a little something something.
A big Christmas song
medley on the accordion.
Is that awesome or what?
Check out my special guest.
[click]
Robot voice Ho ho ho!
Santa.
Robot Move to the center
of the room and prepare
to be searched.
[whack whack]
Felix Sorry, he's a modified
guard-bot.
I've still got some
bugs to work out.
If you're using
the guard-bot, who's
guarding the monsters?
That's what
the Gleegor's for.
[gurgles]
When there's trouble,
he emits an noxious smell.
[Jake sniffs]
I think there's trouble.
A different noxious smell.
Well, I'm going to go
wrap this thing.
Merry Christmas.
Hee hee hee.
Stockley Looking good, Felix.
Oh, thanks, Mr. Stockley.
This year's going
to be a great show.
You're watching, right?
Well, I, uh
was hoping to get
a second date with Linda,
to tell you the truth.
Felix Why don't you guys
watch it together.
Yes.
Hayley Oh, Mr. Stockley,
I found this residue
on a truck at Maxi-Mart.
Stockley Oh, that looks bad.
I'll run it through
the master spectrometer.
Robot Freeze!
On your knees now, buddy.
Remove all weapons from
your shopping cart at once.
Ho, ho, ho!
Let me ask you,
what do women like better,
chocolates or flowers?
Depends on what you're
trying to communicate.
Are you trying to say,
"I'm fun and playful",
or are you trying
to say, "I love you."
I'm trying to say, "I'm
sorry I screamed like a little
girl in front of you but would
you give me second chance
or at least stop
hanging up on me."
Ouch.
Okay, uh
flowers, chocolates
and most likely a trip,
maybe a cruise to Mexico.
Hm.
Hayley But mostly,
I think you need to get
your confidence back.
That's what women
really like anyway.
Felix So true.
They like a guy
who takes charge.
Hayley, screw driver, now!
Never mind, I'll get it myself.
[clunk]
Interesting.
Well, it looks like the spore
sample that you collected comes
from a Vapor monster, a green,
parasitic fog that takes over
an inanimate host and brings it
to life when the sun goes down.
Oh, no.
[finger snap] That must be
how that scarecrow
ran in front of my car.
That's what ruined
my date with Linda.
Felix I thought your
crying ruined your date?
Stockley I was not crying!
I was screaming
like a little girl.
Hayley Jewelry
and a day at the spa.
Felix So, what
was in the truck?
Ickie Dolls.
Hayley, what are
you doing here?
This doll is infected
by a Vapor monster.
It took me
forever to wrap that.
No kidding.
This doll could hurt you.
Or worsePhoebe!
I have to take it
back to headquarters
for testing.
Oh ho ho, yeah, nice try.
We both know the doll
isn't gonna
[swoosh!]
[snarls]
Ah! Whoa!
Oh no!
Jake AHHH! AHHH!
AHHH
GET IT OFF ME!
AHHH! AHHH!
AHHHH! HELP!
[Jake screams]
OW!
AHHHH!
AHHHH!
[wham!]
[Jake groans, doll gurgles]
[whack, crash!]
[Jake pants]
[doll snarls]
[doll gurgles]
Phoebe What's all
the noise about?
[thumps on can]
My present!
Did you bite him?
No.
Phoebe You bit my brother
to try to steal my
super cool gift, the one year
that he actually tried
I didn't bite him.
We were
making out.
Ha.
You think I'm an idiot?
It's not that crazy.
Phoebe Whatever,
play your little game,
but I'm watching you.
[doll rattles in can]
[doll screeches]
[rattle increases]
So, Santa, tell me,
what's it like travelling
at near light speed?
Robot Well, Felix, it's
[splat]
[fizzles]
Halt! You have an unauthorized
ginger bread!
You must unload your
weapon immediately!
Great, great story, Santa.
[zap!] Ahhh!
Robot This is your
final warning!
Let's go to the phones.
[thud]
[thumps in can]
Jake What are we going
to do with this thing?
Here, here, here.
I'll take it.
Okay, I'm going to put
this in lockdown.
And you check
[thumps in can]
You check TroopGrid for the
adoption registry that way
we will know everyone who got
a doll off the truck today.
Okay?
Okay.
[can thumps]
[doll screeches]
[can thumps]
[computer beeps]
[clatter of can]
[doll grumbles]
[computer beeps]
Hayley Uh!
[doll snarls]
[printer whirs]
[sigh]
That is a massive list.
[beeps]
Hayley Well, yeah,
but we don't know how many
of the dolls are infected.
With luck, it'll only
be one or two.
And with no luck?
Don't think like that,
it's Christmas.
Stockley Hey, guys.
Jake We're going to
round up some Ickie Dolls.
And I need a little privacy.
I'm going to call Linda again.
I'd rather be us.
[dialing beeps]
Hello, Linda.
[doll snarls]
AHHH! AHHH! AHHH! AHHH! AHHH!
AHHH! AHHH! AHHH! AHHH! AHHH!
[murmur of students]
Linda!
You're looking particularly
lovely today.
Thank you.
Excuse me.
Stockley Uhbefore you go,
I wanted to say
something to you.
I'm listening.
Well I could say that last
night was not the real me
and that, well, I've had
a phobia of scarecrows since
this horrible Wizard of Oz
themed birthday party.
And I could say that
I'm a brave man.
But I'm hoping that you'll
agree that just talking to you
after what was the most
embarrassing date of my life,
if proof of my courage
and I think you should
give me another chance.
I guess, it does take some
guts to show your face
after that scream fest
on the highway.
You don't know, girl.
All right, let's vanquish
this together and then
see how that goes.
I'd like that.
[school bell rings]
After you.
So, what happened
to you anyway?
I had a fight with a doll.
[paper rustles]
[doll gurgles]
[loud rustling]
[doll snarls]
Jake Ah! Ah! Ah!
[doll shrieks]
[muffled shrieks]
Whew!
Stevie You're not Santa.
Ah, no no no.
We're here to help Santa.
You're stealing my toys!
Hayley No one
is stealing anything.
I'm going to tell on you.
No one likes a tattle tale!
And you are just
a heart beat away
from being put on
the 'naughty' list.
[doll grumbles]
I won't tell!
I won't tell!
[doll snarls]
Watch out!
[doll shrieks]
You're fine.
Everything is going
to be just fine.
Why are you fighting my toys?
We're not
fighting your toys.
Jake and I are two
of Santa's elves.
Kinda big, aren't ya?
You want to hear the rest
of this or not, kid?
Fine.
You see, Santa sent us
especially to your house
to make sure your toys
are just perfect.
Jake Just60
moreto go.
Mother Stevie!
What are you doing down there?
Better not be opening presents.
Stevie I'm just
talking to Santa's elves!
Mother I swear, if I
have to come down there.
Stevie Okay, Mom,
I'm going back to bed.
She's not coming down.
If you don't do
as your mother says, me,
and a bunch of other elves
are going to come back
to your room at night
and replace all your toys
with books.
Eep!
[boy sobs]
[CRASH!]
[burst of accordion sound]
[doll sighs]
Hayley Here!
Well, wait!
How'd you do that?
The accordion must
calm them or something.
Can you play?
No, but I know
somebody who does.
And that's how Christmas
came to Portugaaaa
[takes a breath]
aaaal.
[claps]
So fun.
No idea if it's true.
[phone rings]
Excellent, our first caller.
Felix Noel!
Jake We have
an emergency, Felix.
We need you and your accordion.
[chuckle]
I can't leave now.
I'm about to tell the story
of the first Christmas Special.
You have to come.
The Ickie Dolls have turned
vicious, but accordion music
subdues them.
But my fans,
they'll be crushed.
Jake Felix!
There were a hundred dolls
in that truck today.
It's about to get very ugly.
Fine!
I'll be there.
[accordion - Oh, Holy Night]
[accordion - Oh, Holy Night]
[dolls murmur]
[accordion plays]
My mom always told me
playing an accordion
leads to greatness.
I can't wait to tell her
about this
and then Snark her.
Well, you saved
Christmas, Felix.
Yeah, good choice
of instrument.
It really attracts evil
like nothing else.
Stockley Hey, you guys okay?
You need some help?
Please say no.
I got a big date
to get ready for tomorrow.
I've already got the corn chips
and egg nog.
Jake Mr. Stockley,
we saved Christmas. [ping!]
Oh!
[music ends]
[dolls gurgle and chirp]
Oh, here
[dolls snarl]
Plug it in already!
Hayley I'm trying!
[crashes]
[doll shriek]
AHHH! AHHH!
AHHH! AHHH!
Felix White with white,
red with red.
[Stockley screams]
[dolls snarl]
[speaker hums]
Whew.
Felix Try to work
as a team here, huh?
[accordion music]
Jake Let's get these
things back to HQ.
Yeah, I would hate for
Felix to have canceled
his Christmas Spectacular
webcast show for nothing.
Oh, it's not canceled.
In sin and error pining
'Til He appear'd
And the soul felt its worth
A thrill of hope
The weary world rejoices
[accordion]
For yonder breaks
a new and glorious morn
Fall on your knees.
[door slams]
Hayley Felix, you did it!
Jake Yeah, that was great.
Maybe next year
you'll learn a second song.
[keypad beeps]
[fizzle]
[carol singing]
Felix Oh, and
Christmas is saved!
Hayley Nothing is saved
until we rewrap
and return all these Ickies
to their rightful owners.
Are you kidding?
The sun comes up
in less than two hours.
I hope you're a fast wrapper.
Felix Wait, you can't
go out looking like that.
[rustling]
Ho ho ho!
It's my Santa impression.
Phoebe Jake!
Thank you! Thank you!
Thank you!
I love my new Ickie Doll.
Hey.
Phoebe You even dressed up
as Santa!
You're the best brother ever.
For once, you deserve
the good gift.
Socks!
[fingers snap]
I must have given Dad
the GameStation by mistake.
Dad Whoa!
This game rocks!
Thanks, Phoebe!
[horn blares]
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas to you.
I got you something.
Aw, you shouldn't have.
Just open it.
AHHH! AHHH! AHHH! AHHH!
Don't call me.
[screams continue]
[distant screams]
[Christmas music]
[laughter]
It's been said that my best
quality is my sense of humour.
Uh-uh.
I've been watching how you act
at school and your best quality
is that you're all man,
head to toe, stem to stern.
Aw
[panting]
I wish this date didn't have
to end, but Christmas Eve
is tomorrow and I guess you'll
be spending it with your family.
Ah, I don't have
any family left.
We McCarthy's have
had a run of bad luck,
avalanches, stampedes and,
recently, attacked by sharks?
But Nana Esther
went down fighting.
Wow, that's really
good to hear
I mean, because maybe you'd want
to spend Christmas Eve with me.
Let's.
AHHH!
[pow!]
[tires screech]
AHHHH! AHHHH! AHHHH!
It's okay, Stockley.
It was just a scarecrow.
AHHHH! AHHHH!
AHHHH! AHHHH!
Snap out of it!
It was just a stupid scarecrow.
It's all right.
AhAHHH! AHHH!
AHHH! AHHH! AHHH! AHHH!
Forget it.
I'm calling a cab.
[Stockley continues screaming]
[squish]
Ohhhahhh
Oh.
Linda!
Come back!
I'm all man again.
Linda!
Jake Aw, Phoebe,
an early Christmas present?
You shouldn't have.
But since you did
Uh-uh.
Here's the deal, Jake.
One of these Christmas
presents is amazing,
and one of them stinks.
They'll average each
other out.
Which one you get depends
on what you give me
tomorrow for Christmas.
Hint: It better
be an Ickie Doll.
A who?
A red Ickie Doll.
I've told you a million times.
Oh yeah, right.
I got you one, don't worry.
It's taken care of.
Really?
You got me an Ickie Doll?
Jake Um-hum.
A real Ickie Doll?
That's so great!
Because they've been sold
out everywhere for weeks.
And if you had to
actually get one now,
it would require a huge
effort on your part.
Effort.
Ouch.
So, what's the good
present exactly?
[slap]
It depends.
If you get me the red
Ickie Doll, shown here,
your present is something
I spent months collecting
special codes to get.
But if you do what you did
last year and re-gift
a pair of sock from Grandma
Special codes?
You got me the Super
GameStation Seven?
I've already said too much.
I swear, Jake, you better
have gotten me an Ickie Doll.
And if you haven't, you'll get
the bad gift and it won't be
returnable and I'll cry to Mom
and Dad until they make you
wear it in public.
And if you think I'm kidding,
try me.
Gotta go.
Merry Christmas.
Boys are so easily trained.
[voice cracks]
Hi, Linda.
[deep voice] Hey, baby.
[dialing beeps]
[phone rings]
Linda [on answering machine]
If you're a real man,
leave your message at the tone.
If you're a screaming Mimi,
don't even bother.
[beep]
[Christmas music]
[door rattles]
They open in five minutes.
What are you doing here?
Ickie Doll, for Phoebe.
Hayley Okay, me too.
My mom collects them.
I tried to buy one last week.
They sold out in less
than 10 minutes.
Jake Are you kidding me?
What do these things do?
Play music? Fly?
Not everything has to be
electronic to be cool, Jake.
[coughs] Wrong.
Ickie Dolls, it's all
about the experience.
You get to adopt them,
name them.
They even have a pen-pal
program where your Ickie Doll
can write to other
Ickie Dolls in other countries.
Hey, where is everybody?
Jake "In order to protect
the safety of our store
employees, we have decided
to sell the Ickie Dolls
straight from the truck.
Good luck, Merry Christmas
and please donate to the
Jim Needs A New Eye Fund."
[shouting crowd]
This is a disaster.
Jim Okay, people,
calm down, okay?
Just calm down.
Pushing and shoving
seems like a fun idea
until someone loses an eye.
And it's not just
an expression, hmm?
Let's make a pact.
Whoever gets to the front
of the line first, buys two.
Deal.
Come get your Ickie Dolls!
Let's do this!
[crowd cheers]
Excuse me.
Excuseexcuse
Pardon me.
Jim There you go.
There you go.
Jake Excuse me.
[whack]
Oomph! Ahh
[crowd cheers and shouts]
Jim I'm sorry, but we
are out of Ickie Dolls.
Okay, I'm sorry.
It's not my fault.
I just want to go
back to my family.
Easy, little one.
Easy, easy.
Back off!
Let go!
Ah-ha, awesome.
Where's mine?
Sorry, Hayley,
this was the last one.
I know how much you really
want this for your mom, so
if you ever want to talk about
your feelings of not getting it,
I'm here for you.
Hee hee hee!
I'm just saying, keeping
the doll wasn't very
Christmassy of you.
It's totally Christmas
very Scrooge.
It's like your mom's getting
a visit from the ghost of
You're An Adult And Wasting
Your Life With Stupid Dolls.
Whoa!
Felix, what did you do?
Felix Navidad!
Welcome, to the annual live
webcast of the Felix Garcia
Christmas Spectacular,
starting in only six hours.
Can you believe it's my
sixth year singing Christmas
carols to puppets?
Yes.
Yes, I can.
Felix And this year I added
a little something something.
A big Christmas song
medley on the accordion.
Is that awesome or what?
Check out my special guest.
[click]
Robot voice Ho ho ho!
Santa.
Robot Move to the center
of the room and prepare
to be searched.
[whack whack]
Felix Sorry, he's a modified
guard-bot.
I've still got some
bugs to work out.
If you're using
the guard-bot, who's
guarding the monsters?
That's what
the Gleegor's for.
[gurgles]
When there's trouble,
he emits an noxious smell.
[Jake sniffs]
I think there's trouble.
A different noxious smell.
Well, I'm going to go
wrap this thing.
Merry Christmas.
Hee hee hee.
Stockley Looking good, Felix.
Oh, thanks, Mr. Stockley.
This year's going
to be a great show.
You're watching, right?
Well, I, uh
was hoping to get
a second date with Linda,
to tell you the truth.
Felix Why don't you guys
watch it together.
Yes.
Hayley Oh, Mr. Stockley,
I found this residue
on a truck at Maxi-Mart.
Stockley Oh, that looks bad.
I'll run it through
the master spectrometer.
Robot Freeze!
On your knees now, buddy.
Remove all weapons from
your shopping cart at once.
Ho, ho, ho!
Let me ask you,
what do women like better,
chocolates or flowers?
Depends on what you're
trying to communicate.
Are you trying to say,
"I'm fun and playful",
or are you trying
to say, "I love you."
I'm trying to say, "I'm
sorry I screamed like a little
girl in front of you but would
you give me second chance
or at least stop
hanging up on me."
Ouch.
Okay, uh
flowers, chocolates
and most likely a trip,
maybe a cruise to Mexico.
Hm.
Hayley But mostly,
I think you need to get
your confidence back.
That's what women
really like anyway.
Felix So true.
They like a guy
who takes charge.
Hayley, screw driver, now!
Never mind, I'll get it myself.
[clunk]
Interesting.
Well, it looks like the spore
sample that you collected comes
from a Vapor monster, a green,
parasitic fog that takes over
an inanimate host and brings it
to life when the sun goes down.
Oh, no.
[finger snap] That must be
how that scarecrow
ran in front of my car.
That's what ruined
my date with Linda.
Felix I thought your
crying ruined your date?
Stockley I was not crying!
I was screaming
like a little girl.
Hayley Jewelry
and a day at the spa.
Felix So, what
was in the truck?
Ickie Dolls.
Hayley, what are
you doing here?
This doll is infected
by a Vapor monster.
It took me
forever to wrap that.
No kidding.
This doll could hurt you.
Or worsePhoebe!
I have to take it
back to headquarters
for testing.
Oh ho ho, yeah, nice try.
We both know the doll
isn't gonna
[swoosh!]
[snarls]
Ah! Whoa!
Oh no!
Jake AHHH! AHHH!
AHHH
GET IT OFF ME!
AHHH! AHHH!
AHHHH! HELP!
[Jake screams]
OW!
AHHHH!
AHHHH!
[wham!]
[Jake groans, doll gurgles]
[whack, crash!]
[Jake pants]
[doll snarls]
[doll gurgles]
Phoebe What's all
the noise about?
[thumps on can]
My present!
Did you bite him?
No.
Phoebe You bit my brother
to try to steal my
super cool gift, the one year
that he actually tried
I didn't bite him.
We were
making out.
Ha.
You think I'm an idiot?
It's not that crazy.
Phoebe Whatever,
play your little game,
but I'm watching you.
[doll rattles in can]
[doll screeches]
[rattle increases]
So, Santa, tell me,
what's it like travelling
at near light speed?
Robot Well, Felix, it's
[splat]
[fizzles]
Halt! You have an unauthorized
ginger bread!
You must unload your
weapon immediately!
Great, great story, Santa.
[zap!] Ahhh!
Robot This is your
final warning!
Let's go to the phones.
[thud]
[thumps in can]
Jake What are we going
to do with this thing?
Here, here, here.
I'll take it.
Okay, I'm going to put
this in lockdown.
And you check
[thumps in can]
You check TroopGrid for the
adoption registry that way
we will know everyone who got
a doll off the truck today.
Okay?
Okay.
[can thumps]
[doll screeches]
[can thumps]
[computer beeps]
[clatter of can]
[doll grumbles]
[computer beeps]
Hayley Uh!
[doll snarls]
[printer whirs]
[sigh]
That is a massive list.
[beeps]
Hayley Well, yeah,
but we don't know how many
of the dolls are infected.
With luck, it'll only
be one or two.
And with no luck?
Don't think like that,
it's Christmas.
Stockley Hey, guys.
Jake We're going to
round up some Ickie Dolls.
And I need a little privacy.
I'm going to call Linda again.
I'd rather be us.
[dialing beeps]
Hello, Linda.
[doll snarls]
AHHH! AHHH! AHHH! AHHH! AHHH!
AHHH! AHHH! AHHH! AHHH! AHHH!
[murmur of students]
Linda!
You're looking particularly
lovely today.
Thank you.
Excuse me.
Stockley Uhbefore you go,
I wanted to say
something to you.
I'm listening.
Well I could say that last
night was not the real me
and that, well, I've had
a phobia of scarecrows since
this horrible Wizard of Oz
themed birthday party.
And I could say that
I'm a brave man.
But I'm hoping that you'll
agree that just talking to you
after what was the most
embarrassing date of my life,
if proof of my courage
and I think you should
give me another chance.
I guess, it does take some
guts to show your face
after that scream fest
on the highway.
You don't know, girl.
All right, let's vanquish
this together and then
see how that goes.
I'd like that.
[school bell rings]
After you.
So, what happened
to you anyway?
I had a fight with a doll.
[paper rustles]
[doll gurgles]
[loud rustling]
[doll snarls]
Jake Ah! Ah! Ah!
[doll shrieks]
[muffled shrieks]
Whew!
Stevie You're not Santa.
Ah, no no no.
We're here to help Santa.
You're stealing my toys!
Hayley No one
is stealing anything.
I'm going to tell on you.
No one likes a tattle tale!
And you are just
a heart beat away
from being put on
the 'naughty' list.
[doll grumbles]
I won't tell!
I won't tell!
[doll snarls]
Watch out!
[doll shrieks]
You're fine.
Everything is going
to be just fine.
Why are you fighting my toys?
We're not
fighting your toys.
Jake and I are two
of Santa's elves.
Kinda big, aren't ya?
You want to hear the rest
of this or not, kid?
Fine.
You see, Santa sent us
especially to your house
to make sure your toys
are just perfect.
Jake Just60
moreto go.
Mother Stevie!
What are you doing down there?
Better not be opening presents.
Stevie I'm just
talking to Santa's elves!
Mother I swear, if I
have to come down there.
Stevie Okay, Mom,
I'm going back to bed.
She's not coming down.
If you don't do
as your mother says, me,
and a bunch of other elves
are going to come back
to your room at night
and replace all your toys
with books.
Eep!
[boy sobs]
[CRASH!]
[burst of accordion sound]
[doll sighs]
Hayley Here!
Well, wait!
How'd you do that?
The accordion must
calm them or something.
Can you play?
No, but I know
somebody who does.
And that's how Christmas
came to Portugaaaa
[takes a breath]
aaaal.
[claps]
So fun.
No idea if it's true.
[phone rings]
Excellent, our first caller.
Felix Noel!
Jake We have
an emergency, Felix.
We need you and your accordion.
[chuckle]
I can't leave now.
I'm about to tell the story
of the first Christmas Special.
You have to come.
The Ickie Dolls have turned
vicious, but accordion music
subdues them.
But my fans,
they'll be crushed.
Jake Felix!
There were a hundred dolls
in that truck today.
It's about to get very ugly.
Fine!
I'll be there.
[accordion - Oh, Holy Night]
[accordion - Oh, Holy Night]
[dolls murmur]
[accordion plays]
My mom always told me
playing an accordion
leads to greatness.
I can't wait to tell her
about this
and then Snark her.
Well, you saved
Christmas, Felix.
Yeah, good choice
of instrument.
It really attracts evil
like nothing else.
Stockley Hey, you guys okay?
You need some help?
Please say no.
I got a big date
to get ready for tomorrow.
I've already got the corn chips
and egg nog.
Jake Mr. Stockley,
we saved Christmas. [ping!]
Oh!
[music ends]
[dolls gurgle and chirp]
Oh, here
[dolls snarl]
Plug it in already!
Hayley I'm trying!
[crashes]
[doll shriek]
AHHH! AHHH!
AHHH! AHHH!
Felix White with white,
red with red.
[Stockley screams]
[dolls snarl]
[speaker hums]
Whew.
Felix Try to work
as a team here, huh?
[accordion music]
Jake Let's get these
things back to HQ.
Yeah, I would hate for
Felix to have canceled
his Christmas Spectacular
webcast show for nothing.
Oh, it's not canceled.
In sin and error pining
'Til He appear'd
And the soul felt its worth
A thrill of hope
The weary world rejoices
[accordion]
For yonder breaks
a new and glorious morn
Fall on your knees.
[door slams]
Hayley Felix, you did it!
Jake Yeah, that was great.
Maybe next year
you'll learn a second song.
[keypad beeps]
[fizzle]
[carol singing]
Felix Oh, and
Christmas is saved!
Hayley Nothing is saved
until we rewrap
and return all these Ickies
to their rightful owners.
Are you kidding?
The sun comes up
in less than two hours.
I hope you're a fast wrapper.
Felix Wait, you can't
go out looking like that.
[rustling]
Ho ho ho!
It's my Santa impression.
Phoebe Jake!
Thank you! Thank you!
Thank you!
I love my new Ickie Doll.
Hey.
Phoebe You even dressed up
as Santa!
You're the best brother ever.
For once, you deserve
the good gift.
Socks!
[fingers snap]
I must have given Dad
the GameStation by mistake.
Dad Whoa!
This game rocks!
Thanks, Phoebe!
[horn blares]
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas to you.
I got you something.
Aw, you shouldn't have.
Just open it.
AHHH! AHHH! AHHH! AHHH!
Don't call me.
[screams continue]
[distant screams]