Best Medicine (2026) s01e12 Episode Script

1
[soft music]
- [hammering]
- [seagulls squawking]
[Martin] Bert? Bert!
Bert! Bert! What?
- What is this?
- Your Norwegian flag.
There is not a chance
in hell I requested this.
No, it's on the house. Get it?
'Cause it's "on the house."
[laughs] I'm just kiddin'.
You'll be charged for it.
No, but everybody's getting one.
Why? Have we been
ceded to Norway?
[grunts] No time
to explain, doc.
Got a lot of flags to deliver.
Morning, Dr. Best.
[soft music]
[door closing]
Ah, velkommen.
Now I can add Norwegian
to the list of accents
that I can do
for my Juilliard callback.
Assuming I get the callback,
which of course, I will.
What other accents can you do?
Please let's not
get her started.
[Italian accent]
Oh, the doctor do not
understanda the processa
of drama!
- Ah, hey.
- [applause]
Really? She's just adding an "A"
to the end of words.
[Australian accent] Top of
the mornin' to ya!
[British accent] G'day, mate!
Fancy vegemite
on toast for brekky?
- Ugh.
- How about performing your role
as administrative assistant?
- [gasps]
- How about that? Hmm.
[soft music]
Bless his little heart.
I filled his water bowl.
Dogs need to
hydrate after a walk.
That's not his water bowl.
That's my cereal bowl.
Whoops, my bad.
I wanted to ask if you'd come
to my Norway presentation
at school this afternoon.
My mom has to work and
my dad lives in New Hampshire.
Oh, this afternoon, I wish
I could,
but I-I don't think so.
I'm sorry.
Doc, Louisa just called
and asked if you could
come to Legion Hall.
She says it's an emergency.
- Louisa? Uh
- Yes.
- [instrumental music]
- Sorry, Peter.
- [door closing]
- [whispering]
What's wrong?
What's the emergency?
- Oh!
- Oh, uh, uh
It's not a medical emergency.
It's a, it's a town emergency.
[sighs]
We are obviously still
reeling from the news
that our beloved town elder
and fellow council member,
Agnes Cloofe
jumped off a cliff,
but we'd rather
not talk about it.
So why are we talking about it?
Because not only are
the optics less than ideal,
we've yet to name a replacement
for the town council
and the Norwegians come today.
What is up with the Norwegians?
Haven't you heard?
We're getting a sister city.
Uh, Geneva and Franklin
have been trying
to make this happen
for a decade.
Port Wenn, Maine
has five sister cities.
- Five.
- Yeah, I heard you.
Meanwhile, Port Wenn
has been sitting
on the city seeking cities
list for years.
And we finally got interest from
a small coastal town in Norway.
And the Norwegian delegation
is arriving today
to visit and to sign an official
sister city agreement.
That's ridiculous.
Why would they
fly all the way over here
for something
strictly ceremonial?
It's a cultural exchange
and it will be
so great for Port Wenn,
pen pals for the students
and a sharing of-of
traditions and best practices.
I mean, everyone,
everyone is thrilled.
- Yes, everyone.
- And although
our, uh, fellow council
member, Glendon
was strongly against the idea,
the three of us,
we overruled him
and voted that you
should take over
Agnes's seat in
the town council.
- What? No, no.
- Oh, come on.
Come on, it's temporary.
And-and the Port Wenn
charter says that
we need an uneven number
and we need someone soon
because Glendon
is already at the airport
pickin' up the Norwegians, so.
- But why me?
- Well [stuttering]
We need someone impressive
and-and accomplished.
And we knew you'd be in a suit.
[instrumental music]
As president of
the Port Wenn Town Council.
I'd like to welcome
Sigrid and Ludvig Johansen
from How do
you say it? Fah-jords
- Fjordhavn.
- Fjordhavn.
The "J" is like a "Y."
So "Y" is there a "J?"
[laughter]
He loves this joke.
Oh, our town is very small,
but very beautiful.
Fjordhavn is
"the Port Wenn of Norway."
Uh, I hope they're not
expecting an uptick in tourism.
- That's looking
- We are thrilled and honored
that the two of you
came all this way.
Actually, the three of us.
- Yeah.
- Oh, yeah. [laughs]
Should you even be here?
Yeah, I could ask you
the same thing.
Uh, I mean, traveling.
Oh, this is our fourth child,
so not my, um, number
one horse show.
Oh.
N-not your first rodeo.
Yes! I am so silly!
My English is not so good.
And now it's
my profound pleasure
to represent Port Wenn
in signing
our official sister city
agreement with Fjordhavn.
[scribbling]
- [chuckles]
- [applause]
- [cheering]
- [camera shutter clicking]
- Photo opportunity.
- Sheriff Mark, could you take
some pictures for me
on my phone?
- Mark?
- Yes, welcome. What?
I was asking if you could
take some pictures for me?
Yeah, of course. You got it.
- [camera shutter clicking]
- Okay, everybody
On three, one That's nice.
Here you go, buddy. That's nice.
Please. Now, everyone
enjoy kanelboller.
This is traditional
Norwegian pastry
from the best bakery
in Fjordhavn.
It's the only bakery
in Fjordhavn.
But they are delicious,
so be sure to try one.
You don't have to tell me twice.
Velkommen. I'm Elaine.
I work with our Dr. Best.
Pleasant to meet you, Elaine.
Dr. Best, it is an honor.
- We have heard much about you.
- Yes.
The famous surgeon
who heroically stepped in
when Port Wenn lost its doctor.
- You're a legend.
- Hmm.
I think that's overstating
it a bit.
Yeah, most people here
don't like him that much.
[laughter]
- Oh, no.
- Ooh. Oh, we'd love to see
- your practice.
- Oh, definitely.
It is in your house. Yes?
- Mm-hmm.
- Oh, so cute.
Maybe we can gift you
a piece of equipment you need.
Oh! An espresso maker
would be nice.
No, no,
something much more than that
uh, machine for the X-rays
or new EKG.
I have all the equipment
I need. Thank you.
There are some nicer people
over here that I need you
Let's go do that.
[laughter at distance]
- Aren't they great?
- Not really.
They seem over-the-top.
Why are they trying so hard?
You know, as a, as a temporary
town council member,
maybe you could try harder
at being less negative.
[instrumental music]
[crunching]
Hi. Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry.
Uh, is everything
okay between us?
I mean, I know we
haven't talked since, uh
Yeah, we're cool.
We're all good.
Really? Oh, okay. I'm-I'm glad.
You tried one
of the kanelboller breads.
It's my third one, but I'm
gonna dip this one in coffee.
- Well
- How good does that sound?
- Am I right?
- Maybe you should swallow first.
Yum. You know.
[tense music]
- [screams]
- [clattering]
[crowd exclaiming]
- Uh
- Are you okay?
- Yeah, I'm fine. I'm fine.
- You got him?
Yeah. I'm all right.
I'm all right.
- I'm all right.
- [clattering]
[panting]
- You okay?
- Just tired.
I haven't been sleeping well.
- Mark, have you put on weight?
- Yeah, a few pounds.
Why? When was the last
time you went to the gym?
Uh, I'm just saying, between the
weight gain and the insomnia,
- maybe it's time for a checkup.
- Fine.
But you're still not
my friend or my councilman.
Stupid sash.
[theme music]
[uplifting music]
- Thank you.
- That's right.
- All right.
- [seagulls squawking]
So am I seeing you tonight?
You think that I would
miss the first ever
"Lobster roll out the red carpet
for the Norwegians" dinner?
- Uh-uh.
- [laughs]
So they're staying at
the Salty Breeze and, Sarah
they are gor-jwa! Both of them.
Like Nordic gods.
Like, do we serve them dinner,
or do we just lay
food at their feet?
[laughs] Well, these
lobsters are so fresh,
their families don't even
know they're missing yet.
- That's dark. I love it.
- [both laugh]
- See you tonight.
- Okay.
- [instrumental music]
- Drive careful with those bugs.
Yeah, they'll be fine in
hot water and garlic butter.
[George laughs]
- [drone buzzing]
- [screaming]
Ow! Oh-ho-ho-ho.
- Ow.
- [man] You all right?
What?
Who's flying this thing?
Huh? Who did this?
- [door closing]
- Doc.
I need to talk to you privately.
That's normally how
it works with doctors.
What seems to be the problem?
I, well, uh, I'm not sure
how to say this.
It will sound insane.
I assure you I've
heard it all before.
Okay, the thing is,
I haven't had a bowel movement
- in five days.
- You're constipated.
- Well, yes.
- It's totally normal.
It's nothing to be
embarrassed about.
It's likely due to
the lack of dietary fibers,
- fluids, exercise?
- No. No.
I know what's causing it.
I'm afraid to go because five
days ago I pooped a little man.
Uh, I, uh, I don't
understand you.
You pooped on a little man?
No, your stool
- shaped like a little man?
- No.
There was a little man
in my poop, and I panicked,
and I flushed him
down the toilet.
Okay, just take it easy.
Okay? I think you
had a vivid dream.
That's a dream
so intense and lifelike
that you wake up
and you think it's real.
Your brain even
treats it like a memory.
No, it was
the middle of the day.
And tonight is our big dinner
for the Norwegians.
This isn't a good time for me
to be cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.
Greg, are you on any
new medication that could
cause you to hallucinate?
It wasn't
a hallucination either.
It happened.
I pooped a little man.
[breathing shakily]
Did the little man say anything?
- It wasn't a real man.
- Okay, okay.
Well, it doesn't matter
what you saw
or think you saw, okay?
First and foremost,
we need to take care
of this constipation,
- Oh, okay.
- [instrumental music]
Okay.
That is a prescription
for laxatives
in case the over-the-counters
don't work.
Okay. And don't tell
anyone about this.
A-again, that's normally
how it works with doctors.
[door opening]
[soft music]
And the home of the brave ♪
- [cheering]
- [applause]
That's our girl! Yes! [laughs]
Oh! That's our girl.
[Louisa] Thank you, Mallory.
Okay, and lastly,
but not leastly,
we have Peter Cronk.
[yawns] Nap time.
Mm. Cut it.
For my project,
I whittled white pine
into a miniature replica
of a Viking ship because
[door opening]
[instrumental music]
- Because pinus strobus
- Did you just say "penis"?
- [laughing]
- [Peter] more commonly known
as "Eastern white pine"
is Maine's state tree.
So this ship represents
the blending of our cultures.
Please take this gift
as a reminder
that you have a friend across
the ocean in Port Wenn.
Oh. So beautiful.
- Takk, takk.
- Thank you. Thank you, Peter.
And-and this concludes
our presentation for our friends
from Fjord Haven.
- Fjordhavn. Fjordhavn.
- Fjo-Fjord Haven,
- Fjordhavn. Fjordhavn.
- Fjordhavn.
Thank you, thank you for coming.
- [applause]
- Oh!
How can a jewel of a school
like this be closing?
- This is a tragedy.
- [stammers] I mean, I know.
Don't start.
You're gonna make me cry.
Your town, your-your children.
It, it burns my heart.
I am too moved.
Poor Sigrid. She feels too much.
Oh, children.
Don't you see? They care about
this town as much as we do.
What, they've
been here three hours?
I thought Scandinavian people
were supposed to be stoic.
Don't you ever get
tired of being like this?
- Like what?
- So distrustful?
I don't know.
I guess it's just the way I am.
Well, it's never
too late to change.
[indistinct chatter]
[soft music]
Is that your dad?
Yeah.
[broken accent] She 'ad
a little cut on 'er 'ead,
but don't worry,
I cleaned 'er up for ya!
I don't have any idea
what she just said to you,
but this thing hit me
in the back of my head
Hard enough to break in half?
Oh, no, that happened after
I jumped up and down on it,
but it broke my skin.
It's left a, a goose egg
the size of Bar Harbor.
You just put cold
compress on it. Mm?
Leave it there.
Damn machine.
Not gonna take me down.
Oh, by the way, you're going
to the Legion Hall tonight
for the Sister City dinner?
Haven't we seen
enough of those people?
- Uh
- I'm serious.
I don't like 'em.
I don't trust 'em.
Uh, why did they even
choose Port Wenn?
Because it's a beautiful place
with warm and caring people
save one cynical,
misanthropic doctor.
You really think
I'm that negative?
You're horrible. Good news is
it's never too late
to change or to try.
- So I've heard.
- Partners?
There's a new sheriff in town.
Truth is, he ain't new.
It is Mark, but he's wanting
to talk to Sarah.
- Well, send him in.
- I-I'm sorry.
Is he your next patient?
Hi, Sarah. I got your message.
Let's get down your statement.
Here's my statement.
Whoever you were that
was flying that damn toy,
you're gonna be lobster bait
unless you come to me
and apologize
for almost killin' me,
you stupid moron.
I meant more like,
what time did it happen?
- Oh, it was about noon.
- Noon?
Bastards! In broad daylight?
Any idea who was
operating this thing?
If I did, they'd be here
seeking medical attention.
D-S-E-N.
I think that's just part of
the word right at the break
I'm sorry. Who made you Watson?
- [scoffs]
- [clattering]
- And how are you feeling, Mark?
- How do you think I'm feeling?
We have visitors in from Norway,
one of the safest
countries in the world,
and I can't even protect our
citizens from illegal drones.
How does that make me look?
[tense music]
Mark, did you just lose your
balance just gesturing?
No, I don't know what happened.
H-have you been
feeling dizzy lately?
Yes, that's what happened
this morning.
You know what?
I have a new theory.
No, not that.
Uh, you might have vertigo.
Uh, i-it would line up
with your symptoms.
We should do
a quick Romberg test.
I told you.
I haven't had anything to drink.
Yes, but it can also
be used to test vertigo.
- Let's go. Feet together.
- [Mark] I know how to do it.
[notebook clacks]
[sighs]
Now you're swaying, Mark.
So it could be vertigo.
You should stay here
for more diagnostics.
And we could do
a Dix-Hallpike maneuver
to try to reset
the semicircular canals.
The semicircular canals
can wait!
It's chaos out there.
And I'm the thin blue line.
Not as thin as I used to be.
Thank you so much
for reminding me of that.
But right now, more than ever,
Port Wenn needs its sheriff.
And I'm the sheriff.
[blowing]
[device beeping]
Okay.
Your blood pressure is normal.
The unexplained weight gain
is a little concerning.
It's not unexplained.
I've been super hungry lately.
Increased appetite
and you said fatigue?
- Mm-hmm.
- You still on antibiotics
for the impalement?
I took the last of them
this morning.
Have you been
drinking while on them?
'Course not.
I know better than that.
Okay, well, everything
looks fairly normal,
but with your consolation
of symptoms,
I'd still like to rule out
hyperthyroidism,
insulin imbalance and anemia.
We'll have Elaine
do a blood draw
and I'll call you when
we get the lab results back.
But not for any other reason.
Don't call just to shoot
the you-know-what.
- 'Cause those days are over.
- [instrumental music]
- Irritability.
- [mumbling] Irritability.
- [knocking on door]
- What is it?
- Martin? Hi.
- Oh.
Hi. Yeah, please come in.
I'll-I'll just be
a minute. Um
Uh, you see, the thing is,
as a temporary
town council member,
you are supposed to go
to the "Lobster Roll Out
the Red Carpet" tonight.
Um, and I imagine there's
nothing you'd like to do less.
And to make it
even more exciting,
Geneva wants us all in sweaters,
and, uh, this one is yours.
[instrumental music]
[chuckles]
Yeah, okay, um,
I-I'll tell her that
you've just had too much
work to do. Okay? [chuckles]
Actually, you know, I've been
meaning to tell you, um
Yes.
The other night when
I came to the Salty Breeze
- to talk about the
- Yes, the
That and-and you
said that you wanted.
- Yeah.
- Yeah. But
Right, well, if-if you are
still serious about wanting
a child
Yes?
- I, um
- What?
I-I know a specialist that I,
I think you'd wanna talk to.
[chuckles] Oh, um,
a-a-a specialist.
- Uh
- Yeah.
Your hemochromatosis
and the iron overload
- can affect fertility.
- Oh. [chuckles]
And that and coupled
with your age, I
Yeah, uh, what you're saying
is I plan this really well.
[both chuckle]
Um, you know, a-a specialist?
Mm, fertility, one of the best.
But she's in Boston.
Oh, well, I'm, I'm happy
to go to Boston to see
one of the best.
Great. Okay, well, I'll-I'll
- e-mail her, e-mail you
- Okay.
her contact information.
- Well, thanks. Thanks.
- Yeah.
Uh, yeah.
[soft music]
Louisa.
Yes, Martin?
When you and Mark were dating,
did he ever resort
to drinking or drugs
when he was feeling
stressed or depressed?
Never, you know.
[chuckles] Although honestly,
I can't remember Mark ever
being stressed or depressed.
He was always
so positive and happy.
It must have been
pleasant being with someone
who's so happy all the time.
It was, actually.
- Oh!
- Sorry. Doc.
I need to see you right away
about the event tonight.
It's going to be great.
[door closing]
The laxative worked.
But it happened again.
I pooped another little man.
You've gotta be kidding me.
Is this how it starts?
First you lose your keys
and then you have trouble
remembering names.
And then you start hallucinating
little men in your poop.
[George knocks on door]
Greg, I know you're in there.
[knocking] Are you okay?
Yes, of course.
Why wouldn't I be?
You went pale and rushed out,
and now you're in
a doctor's office
and you won't let me in.
- [door opening]
- I followed you.
I'm sorry, baby, but you've
been acting very strange.
Is there something
you're not telling me?
- I can't say it loud.
- Mm-hmm.
You have to tell him.
Whatever it is,
we'll get through it together.
[inhales] Tell it
to me straight, doc.
Greg thinks he's
pooping little men.
What?
It happened twice,
and I'm not imagining it.
Is it possible
that you ingested, uh,
you know, toy soldier or, uh?
No, I keep a food journal.
I think I would remember
writing "toy soldier."
And they aren't
dressed like soldiers.
How many little men
have you pooped?
Two. One five days ago
and another one today.
I know it sounds crazy,
but I can see their faces.
Their little eyes staring
up at me and Georgie.
- I feel like I know them.
- Wait, wa-wait, wait a minute.
Were these two little
men wearing tuxedos?
[comical music]
Greg, that's nasty.
- Oh!
- Huh? Greg, how could you?
I didn't. I wouldn't. I, uh
I forgot we even
had that in our freezer.
What was it?
The top tier of
our wedding cake.
We were supposed
to eat it together
on our first anniversary.
Which we never did
because, well,
you forgot about it too.
But I didn't eat it without
you including the grooms.
There has to be
another explanation.
I have absolutely
no memory of any of this.
You could be sleep eating.
Is that really a thing?
It is a thing
and it can be dangerous.
Uh, people in a sleep state
sometimes use sharp utensils
or eat non-food items.
Baby, there have
been crumbs in the bed.
I've been meaning to ask.
That is so gross
and embarrassing.
How could I get from our bedroom
all the way downstairs,
eat not just the cake,
but the cake toppers,
get back to bed
and not remember any of it?
No, you could set
up a camera to see
if that's what's
really happening.
Oh, sure,
might as well make
the humiliation complete.
I didn't even know
you guys were married.
Hey, no one did,
but the cat's out of the bag.
Uh, we didn't wanna make a fuss,
so we went to a Justice of
the Peace five years ago.
But Georgie still wanted to make
a big, beautiful wedding cake,
even if it was just
the two of us.
Was it still delicious
five years later?
Innocent until proven guilty.
The proof is in the pooping.
[both laughing]
- Well, it was good.
- Oh, that was
What would you say is
a secret to your relationship?
Oh, in the end, George is
just really good company.
Greg, too. He always puts
a smile on my face.
- And he's cute.
- [chuckles]
I'll leave you to it.
And I said, "Were the little men
wearing tuxedos?"
Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So in addition
to eating the top tier
of our wedding cake
that had been in our freezer
for five years, he was also
eating the cake toppers.
Allegedly.
We haven't seen proof.
Wait
You got married five years ago
and-and didn't tell anyone?
We didn't wanna make anyone
uncomfortable.
Uncomfortable? By your wedding?
It can be a touchy subject
for people and you never know.
You two are the bedrock
of this town.
I mean, every, every event,
every silly ritual,
you were the first to jump in.
I mean, look at you,
you look ridiculous.
- Uh, you're wrong.
- Hey!
I just, how could
you worry about
not being, not being accepted?
We knew it would probably
be fine, but why risk it?
Uh [sighs]
- [chuckling]
- [applause]
- It's time for Bygdedans!
- Ooh.
I heard you
have all been practicing.
But for those of you
who haven't,
it is as easy as
one slice of pie.
We will be doing
the Ril fra Fjordhavn
The Ril is a traditional
Norwegian folk dance
with three parts, clapping
[clapping]
hopping, and galloping.
You've lost me at hopping.
[Norwegian music]
Hiya!
- [all cheering]
- [clapping]
And move.
So, Sarah,
I heard you are responsible
for the delicious
lobsters we ate.
Did you really catch them
all yourself?
Aw, thanks.
Yeah, it wasn't much.
Just three 16 hour
lobstering days.
Oh, I love a hard-working woman.
In Norway,
we are also built strong.
- [laughs]
- We fish until we are 90.
- Oh, well.
- It's such an honor to meet you.
- [chuckles]
- She says that to everyone.
What's wrong with you?
I don't know.
I just don't trust them.
- Call it instinct.
- Uh
Well, next time
we have visitors,
how about we just
ask them to spit in our eye
and kick us in the shins?
Is that what will
make you happy, huh?
Think about it.
You do realize that your tenure
on the council is temporary?
I can assure you, the only
person who wants me
off this town council more
than you is me.
[cheering]
[indistinct chatter]
I'm taking the early train
to Boston in the morning
- to talk to Dr. Montgomery.
- Uh-huh.
What did you say to
get me in so quickly?
- Nothing.
- Oh, well, thank you.
- Hey!
- Oh, hey! Oh, hey! [squeals]
- [thuds]
- [all gasping]
How much have you
had a drink tonight?
Just like one sip of Aquavit.
But they try our lobster rolls.
We try their Aquavit.
It's a cultural exchange.
I can smell the alcohol
on your breath.
What, so now you're
calling me a liar?
I'm just concerned.
Why don't you just
have some water, okay?
Be careful.
And let's have
somebody drive you home.
For the last time.
I'm fine, okay?
Just just
[instrumental music]
[door opening]
- Det g år bra?
- Ekstremt godt.
I totally agree.
I think it's going great.
I believe we have them
eating out of the
[with accent] middle
of our hands.
- [chuckles]
- Is this how you say it?
Mark? Mark?
- [engine rumbling]
- Whoo! [gasps]
[tense music]
I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry!
Are you okay?
Mark, you need to take
a breathalyzer right now.
What's going on with you?
You could have killed us.
[grunting]
Oh, I am really drunk.
I mean, according to this,
but that can't be right.
- What does it say?
- 0.16, 0.08 is legally drunk.
But I just had that
one sip of Aquavit.
I even had a full belly.
I had the three lobster rolls
and a bunch of those
Norwegian [mumbles]
the kanelbollers,
the Norwegian pastries I had.
I'm telling the truth.
I'm not drunk.
Which is exactly what drunk
people say when I stop them.
They deny and argue and beg,
and I still have
to write 'em up.
Take my badge. Take my keys.
Take me.
[keys clacking]
[Martin] Mark, I really don't
think this is necessary.
The law is the law.
Even though I'm not drunk.
You have to believe me, doc.
I want to, but you just
failed a breathalyzer test.
You reeked of alcohol,
and you nearly ran us over.
Mark, if you've been drinking,
you can tell me.
Maybe I'm drinking so much
that I can't even remember
I've been drinkin'.
I've had a really rough
couple of months.
You know, like
the broken engagement,
the impalement, the chlamydia,
and worst of all,
my best bro betrayed me.
Oh, come on, the impalement
has to come first.
Hey, buddy, take these.
- [keys clinking]
- My bad, bad throw.
Add it to the list.
Just let me out in the morning
when I've had an opportunity
to sleep this off
and think about what I've done.
Mark, this is ridiculous.
Just let me drive you home.
No, man, no can do.
I sleep in the slammer.
Don't even think about trying
to break me out of here, man.
All right. You know, fine.
[grunts] But I am going to leave
you the keys to the cell.
That's fine, feel free, but
I'm not gonna let me use them
because this is not
my number one horse show.
Martin.
Martin, before you go
[instrumental music]
will you pass me that box of
donuts through the bars?
Thank you for squeezing me into
your schedule, Dr. Montgomery.
No problem. Well, actually,
it was a problem.
I had to move quite
a few things around.
Were you really
referred by Martin Best?
Yes, is-is that surprising?
Given how abruptly
he left Boston? Yeah.
And he's your, he's your PCP?
Yes, um
- And a friend, I suppose.
- Huh.
He's a local doctor
in Port Wenn.
- I'm sorry. Port what?
- Port Wenn, Maine.
Ah, where he summered as a kid.
Uh, h-h-how do you know, Martin?
We used to date.
Oh. [chuckles]
It is really good
that you came to see me
because your fertility
window is closing.
But is it like just
barely cracked open
or-or-or could you
still feel a draft?
[chuckles] You're funny.
So as you can see
in the ultrasound, it shows
that you have
a low antral follicle count,
which suggests
diminished ovarian reserve.
I-is that normal
for women my age?
"Diminished" meaning
low compared to women your age.
Great.
So if your blood tests come back
and show that you
have high FSH levels,
IVF is gonna be
your best option.
Is your partner open to IVF?
Uh, I don't have
a partner at the moment,
which is why I waited apparently
longer than I should have.
Well, early bird
gets the sperm. [chuckles]
- I'm kidding. I'm not kidding.
- Oh.
Um, we'll know more definitively
when the results come back.
Now, is Martin,
is he still single?
I-I think so.
- I think so.
- Mmm.
Um, how did, how
did you two meet?
- Med school.
- Oh!
- You-you dated in med school?
- Yeah.
And then for several
years after that.
- Several. Okay.
- But we were married
to our careers, and I suspect
he never got over me. [whispers]
- Obviously.
- Yeah, obviously. [chuckles]
[soft music]
So I should put my pants on now.
All right.
Well, uh, I will call you
with the test results.
- Okay.
- Okay?
And please, tell
Marty I said hi.
I will.
Oh, there he is.
I'm horrified.
I'm a disgusting
Neanderthal sleep eater.
How do I stop?
Well, the question is,
why did you start
a-and why the wedding cake?
W-well, we did recently
hit the five-year mark.
And I guess I
always felt guilty
we kept our marriage a secret.
George told his parents,
I never even did that.
- Mm.
- Well, that could be it.
Now, talk therapy could
help. You might get
some relief now that
more people know.
Just make sure
you're eating enough at night
so that you're not hungry.
Right?
And worst comes to worst,
some people
put a lock on
their refrigerator.
I'm sorry, Georgie.
You didn't sign up for this.
I'm an embarrassment.
Listen, I signed up for
"in sickness and in health."
And, baby, this is sick.
Wait the-there's more now.
Wait, that's not you.
[Greg] Oh.
[Martin] That's Ludvig.
What is our Norwegian friend
doing in your kitchen
- at 3:00 a.m.?
- Sleep eaters love company.
[Martin] Why is he going
into the walk in?
[George] Oh, oh,
because he was upset
that we didn't have a mini
fridge
and he needed to store
Sigrid's medication.
So I told him he could use ours.
Sigrid told me she doesn't
believe in medication.
That's another
reason not to like her.
- Oh.
- How could you not like Siggy?
- We're obsessed with her.
- She's like Scandinavian Barbie
pregnant with
Scandinavian Ken's baby.
Are you too serious? Uh,
look, I haven't had a moment.
I heard Siggy speak
perfect English to Ludvig.
Mm-hmm, yeah, none of this,
[Norwegian accent] "It's
as simple as one slice of pie."
- You felt it was that bad?
- That was a horrible accent.
- Okay.
- Forget it.
Why are they pretending
her English is not so good?
Maybe it's just their way
of seeming less intimidating.
Because they're gorgeous
and perfect in every way.
- He's coming out now.
- If only.
[George chuckles]
I need to see what's
in your walk in.
[instrumental music]
Well, I don't see any medicine
here, just a Norwegian yogurt.
So Ludvig is a liar, see?
Or he just likes yogurt.
Now are you done
slandering our guests?
Because we need to get to work.
This feels like
an invasion of privacy.
- This is your kitchen.
- Maybe that's her medication.
This is not medicine.
These are water samples
with dates and times.
Why would he need water samples?
- He's a science teacher.
- So he says.
Okay, okay, okay,
doc, that's enough.
Stop bein' a hater.
They're lovely people.
Seriously, why do
you assume the worst?
Sure, there are bad people,
but the world is also
full of good, friendly,
generous, big-hearted people.
Why is it so hard
for you to believe that?
Because I don't know.
That hasn't been my experience.
Well, it's never
too late to change.
- Is that a town motto?
- [cellphone buzzing]
You're the third
person today to
Oh, Sheriff Mark's lab results.
I-I have to go see Mark.
Well, maybe he can
help you solve the case
of the suspicious yogurt.
Put it back where it was.
- He doesn't know.
- Greg. Greg. Greg.
I swear to God.
- [door opening]
- Mark.
[seagulls squawking]
[door closing]
Oh, you-you, uh, what?
What-what are you doing here?
- I'm looking for Mark.
- Me too.
I-I heard he slept here last
night and I wanted to see
- if he was okay.
- He's not.
I got his lab results
from yesterday morning.
His blood alcohol level
was already through the roof
and he should be in
a hospital with an IV.
I have no idea where he is.
Okay, um, well,
his car is still here.
He couldn't have gotten far.
Let me, you know
He hasn't been answering his
phone, so let me try again.
- [line ringing]
- [cell phone buzzing]
[tense music]
[cellphone buzzing]
Mark!
Sally hasn't heard
from him either.
Mark! Is there anywhere
else Mark used to go
- when he was unhappy.
- Ugh, um
[coughs] There is one place.
- [instrumental music]
- Uh, yeah.
[seagulls squawking]
- Mark!
- Finally.
- Oh, my God.
- [Mark] Great.
The last two people
I want to see.
I was already
havin' a terrible year,
and now I'm an alcoholic, too.
Mark, that really
doesn't look safe.
- Please come down.
- Please.
Nope. You're gonna
have to come up.
Uh, uh
[sighs]
- Okay, we got it. I got it.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
- [exhales]
Hey, Mark, I probably
know you better than anyone
and I really, really don't think
that you are an alcoholic.
I agree, Mark.
But you would have had to drink
to get your blood alcohol level
to where it was,
- you'd be sick right now.
- [Louisa] Yeah. [shrieks]
My teletherapist says did I eat
my feelings, not drink them.
[panting] The-the only thing
that's been strange
is how much he's been eating.
I mean, it's been
a lot more than usual.
Well, I have a lot of feelings.
[soft music]
[breathing heavily]
Auto brewery syndrome.
Nope, that's not
the secret password.
That's what you have,
the sugar, the carbs, right?
Plus your antibiotics
and the gastric impalement.
Your gut is fermenting yeast,
and your stomach has
basically created a brewery.
So you do have alcohol
in your system,
which is making you act like
a dangerously drunk person
because you're producing it,
not drinking it.
Wait, so I'm not an alcoholic,
I'm just a brewery.
- Uh-uh.
- Did you hear that, Louisa?
I did. I did. Yay!
- [wood cracking]
- [gasps] Uh!
Oh, could you both please
come down now, please?
- [instrumental music]
- [birds chirping]
- Oh, you did? Yeah.
- Careful.
You two really care about me.
Yeah, of course we do, Mark.
You climbed a tree house for me.
I did. I didn't enjoy it.
I love you.
Both of you. As friends.
- Nothin' more.
- Well, yeah.
[drone buzzing]
Oh, that's cool!
No, not cool. It's illegal.
We should get the police.
Wait. I am the police.
[drone buzzing]
Wait, is that Ludvig?
[instrumental music]
Thank you, Elaine, for not
throwing out the trash
when I ask you to.
Bare hyggelig. That's
"no problem" in Norwegian.
Al, you think you can pull
the footage from this drone?
- Maybe.
- Hi, Dr. West. Guess what?
I ordered Copernicus
a water and food bowl
with his name on them.
They come next week.
Great. Listen, Peter, you can't
tell people I'm your father.
- Why not?
- Because it's not true.
But what if I wish it was true?
[instrumental music]
Why would you
want me as a father?
You're mean, you're nice,
and I trust you.
Oh. Well, you're the one person
who doesn't think
I should change.
You? No way.
Then you won't be you.
- Got it, doc.
- You did.
You cracked into the drone?
Yep. By using the USB cable.
Uh, why is he
filming the coastline?
Because it's beautiful?
Whoa.
[Al] They're underwater now?
That's wild.
It is wild. But why film
underwater in Port Wenn?
It's not known
for its coral reefs.
Unless for the same reason
you would test the water.
[tense music]
"Property of Havardsen
Industries".
Al, Google Havardsen Industries.
- A H-A-V-A-R
- D-S-E-N.
[keyboard clacking]
"Havardsen Industries is one
of the largest
seafood conglomerates
in the world with
an annual revenue
of approximately $7.5 billion,
specializing in frozen, canned,
and fresh seafood.
It's based in Norway,
owned by Bjorn Havardsen,
whose daughter Sigrid is poised
to take over the company
in the next five years."
Bet you $20 that's our Sigrid.
[instrumental music]
Of course, she's
involved in this.
Involved in what?
It's unclear, but it's not good.
Wait, doc, this
is my sister city.
I already lost one sister.
- This is very triggering.
- [door closes]
- [instrumental music]
- [indistinct chattering]
- [door closes]
- Oh.
Where's Ludvig and Sigrid?
They went out
sightseeing with Glendon.
Why, are you about
to start trouble?
Don't you be mean
to those nice people.
- Nice people, my ass.
- Okay, Martin, give it a rest.
And by the way, Aunt Sarah,
it was Ludvig.
- who hit you with the drone.
- Oh. Oh!
- Now I'm mad.
- Mm-hmm. And-and-what
What are they doing
with Glendon anyway?
Oh, so you've been sightseeing,
huh? Around the harbor perhaps?
Yes. Sorry. Did, oh,
did you wanna come with us?
No, I-I want the people
of Port Wenn to know
the truth about our guests.
What? That they're
lovely people?
No, that Sigrid's family owns
a giant seafood conglomerate
and Ludvig here has been
surveying our bay.
Now, as a temporary
town council member,
I demand to know
the real reason for your visit.
A Nordic ocean-based
salmon farm,
one of the largest on
the eastern seaboard.
We will present
our plans to the town
and we believe you will all be
very happy with the proposition.
- A salmon farm?
- In our beautiful bay.
It might spoil the view, but
it will be
very profitable for you all.
There might even be
an uptick in tourism.
- Children love salmon farms.
- Mm.
But you still wanna
be our sister city, right?
They never wanted to
be our sister city, did you?
We wanted to be
your business partner.
- That's much more meaningful.
- Is it?
I-I'm having a hard
time following all this
since I got hit
in the head with your drone.
And you, you've known about this
all along, haven't you, Glendon?
I knew the people
this town would be
much more open to meeting
a sister city delegation
than a potential investor
and developer,
but they're still
the same people
you've come to know and love
and they're offering us all
a great opportunity.
So Martin has been right
about this whole thing
the entire time.
You'll see, this is
all for the best.
Well, we'll have to
see everything in detail
before we sign
anything, Glendon.
- Geneva already signed.
- Huh?
There was an economic
development clause
in the sister city agreement.
You should always
read the full contract.
Oh, y-you said it
was "boilerplate."
Well, it was,
for fishing rights.
[gasps]
[groans]
[people murmuring]
[flags rustling]
[clacking]
[dramatic music]
[ending theme]
[production theme]