D-Frag! (2014) s01e12 Episode Script

Oh, I'm sorry,
did you say something?
I wasn't listening.
What good is a
ponytail going to be?
After all, you've only got one.
You really think it
can defeat my pigtails?
I just picked up on
some really bad vibes.
Uh, where did
that come from?
[MAN chuckling]
What you sense
is the impending clash
between my third year
Ex-Student Council starlets
and your Game Creation
(Provisional) yahoos.
That's terrible.
Mr. Torada, you're
the third years' counselor.
Why would you allow
such outrageous behavior?
[chuckling]
Hey, I'm all about the kids
looking back on these years
as the high point
of their lives.
And for that,
they gotta have stories.
Whaddya say we make
a li'l story of our own?
I'll wager my breakfast on
my kids kickin'
your kids' asses.
But Ms. Ohsawa,
you know the district
has very strict rules
against gambling!
Well, well!
If you're putting that
feast on the line,
the least I can do is
pony up with Tokyo Nananas!
[FUKUKO]
Holy crap!
Tokyo snobs never put
big-city goods on the line!
Huh.
No harm in my joining
the fun, is there?
[FUKUKO]
Not you too, Mr. Sean!
[KONEKONE]
If I may,
allow me to stake
this dusty old relic
on the Game Creation
Club's victory.
--Whoa. This bet just got real.
--Whoa. This bet just got real.
[KONEKONE] I found it
during one of my digs.
It appears to be the key
to some long-buried treasure.
[FUKUKO] Are you sure
you want to risk
losing something like that?
[KONEKONE]
Well, as you can see,
it's missing an eye,
which renders it
more or less useless.
Spent years looking for the
blasted thing, but no luck.
Apparently, it was
never meant to be found.
Without that eye,
the treasure is destined to
remain hidden forever.
How sad.
[FUKUKO] Wait, where
have I seen that before?
What the
No way!
Grandma wasn't crazy?
That rant about our family
being guardians of an
ancient treasure was real?
Uh, well, to
balance things out,
it's only fair if I bet on the
Ex-Student Council,
so I see your
one-eyed crystal skull
and raise you a dozen
red velvet cupcakes!
It's important to note
Ms. Nishinaga's never made
a bet in her entire life.
[ROKA] To know this
epic rivalry's source,
we must go back in time.
[coughing]
[CHITOSE'S SISTER]
Chi-chi,
Why're you always
playing by yourself?
You need to make friends.
It's not going to
get any easier.
Da-da dah!
Done! Isn't it beautiful?
Yeah.
Prettiest mountain
I've ever seen, sis!
[coughing]
[CHITOSE wailing]
[GIRL wailing]
Uh, excuse me,
who are you?
The name is Tama.
I'm five.
[CHITOSE'S SISTER]
Wow. Hear that, Chi-chi?
She's older than you.
Well, Tama.
How'd you like to be friends
with my awesome
little sister, Chi-chi?
You're always off
doing your own thing--
it's not healthy.
People think you're weird.
[CHITOSE wailing]
Sweetie, you don't
have a single friend!
I'm worried about
you, that's all.
[coughing]
Look, let me lay
it out for you.
This girl desperately
needs to socialize.
And there's a lollipop
for your trouble.
Hey! I said a lollipop,
not the whole bag!
Hello, I'm a child.
I have poor impulse control.
One isn't gonna cut it.
[CHITOSE'S SISTER]
Are you joking?
I already have
more lackeys
than I know what to do with,
so if you want me to
welcome your kid sister
into the fold, you're
gonna have to pony up.
[CHITOSE'S SISTER] Where did
you learn to talk like that?
Uh, Chi-chi,
I hate to say it,
but you might need to
get used to being alone.
No!
[YOUNG ROKA] May I play
in the sandbox, please?
[ROKA] And thus, the
destined three came to meet!
[KAZAMA] Did we really
need to know this?
Alrighty, then.
Guess you're not the
only odd duck in town.
[YOUNG TAMA]
Ostrich.
[coughing]
Sis, you okay?
[CHITOSE'S SISTER]
Please, sweetie, for me?
Try to make some friends.
I know it's hard,
but I won't always be
around to play with you.
I don't wanna make friends.
I wanna play in the sandbox
and build sandcastles
for you forever and ever!
One day I'll build
the ultimate sandcastle
and no one will be allowed
in it but you and me!
[CHITOSE'S SISTER]
Okay.
Well I guess there
are worse reasons
for avoiding group activities.
At least she's not burying
her head in the sand.
Well,
It's good to have goals
in life and all, but
I'd think the
ultimate sandcastle
is something you'd want
to share with everyone.
Then you'd have more friends
than you can imagine!
The ultimate sandcastle.
What a marvelous thing.
I want a piece of that.
Hey, don't you
wanna join the fun?
[YOUNG TAMA] Let's get something
straight right now, losers.
For as long as I live,
I'll never miss a chance
to stomp your precious
sandcastle into oblivion!
[TAMA howling]
Bite thy tongue!
If I draw breath
a thousand years,
I'll never miss a chance
to thwart your malice!
If ya' want the
lesson to stick,
now's the time to teach
her about boundaries.
Life's no sandbox. Trust me.
To build castles in the sky,
we must first be willing to
get dirt under our nails.
[CHITOSE'S SISTER] These
kids watch too much TV.
Whoa. You're cool!
My name's Chitose,
by the way, so
thought you should know.
What should I call you?
Nothing.
I prefer to let my deeds
speak for me, thank you.
Ugh! Just tell her
your name alr--
[coughing]
[CHITOSE'S SISTER]
Eh, whatever.
Hold on to this one, Chi-chi.
She's a good friend.
[YOUNG TAMA] From this day
forward, we are enemies!
I will dedicate my life to
blocking you at every turn!
[ROKA]
And so the fated war
between an immovable object
and an unstoppable force began.
A war that continues
to this day.
Damn.
Explains why she
has it out for her.
The hell'd she
write it all fancy?
[phone vibrating]
[ROKA]
Good stuff, huh?
Loyalty. Friendship.
Bitter rivalry.
Homer himself would be proud!
This isn't
Creative Writing!
Just my two cents,
but I feel like the
big sister's illness
could stand more clarification
right around here.
You know, you're
absolutely right.
[KAZAMA] Hold up!
Is this a group project?
So, uh, yeah.
Can't help but feel
you need a little more
of me in there.
Just sayin'.
Maybe have me
in the background?
Mention I'm
splashing around nearby
in a fountain or something?
I'm sure you'll make it
into the final draft.
[KAZAMA]
Just stick to the facts!
Clearly most of
what we just read
Roka pulled out of her butt
to give the story some spice.
Prez was never a kid.
[ALL]
Oh, uh,
maybe there's more truth
to it than we thought.
[coughing]
Hey, come on.
What is with you?
Pull yourself
together, already.
[CHITOSE]
Piss off!
I'm having a moment!
Dude!
The President has
her hair in a ponytail!
[KAMEYAMAGAMI]
Snap!
[KAZAMA] I don't think
there's anything to it.
She just needs her hair
out of her face.
Are you completely
dead inside or what?
Huh?
Ponytails almost
always signify
a girl with athletic prowess.
Don't tell me that doesn't
do somethin' for you!
The hell are you
yappin' about?
The Basketball
has a lot to teach
you about life.
Uh, you guys might
wanna rethink
your recruitment tactics.
C'mon, man. Admit it.
That ponytail made your
heart skip a beat just now!
[KAZAMA]
No!
You have eyes for Chitose?
[KAZAMA]
No!
Pigtails are sexy, too.
[KAZAMA] Stop it!
I'm not into hair!
[HIGASHIGAWA]
What's wrong with you?
Pigtails are adorable!
[KAMEYAMAGAMI] Imagine
'em slappin' you
and tickling your eyelids.
[KAZAMA]
You're weirdin' me out.
Go dribble a ball!
Shut up, you morons!
[KAMEYAMAGAMI]
Run for your life!
Hey, uh,
aren't you pickin'
on the wrong guys?
Don't tell me who
to pick on!
C'mon. Which look
do you like best?
[KAZAMA] You're seriously
making me choose?
[TAMA]
Yeah.
Ugh.
Like pigtails and ponytails
are the only
hairstyles in existence.
It doesn't matter,
I'm here to be a shield.
And whatever
reasons you have
for hatin' on the Prez,
it'll be a cold day in hell
before I let you
roll over our club.
Oh, and since
you asked me,
pigtails are stupid.
They make you look like
an anime character.
Bravo, Kazama.
You've just turned half the
girls in school against you.
So on behalf of
everybody with pigtails,
I will crush you.
And when anime
goes mainstream,
you'll be sorry you said that.
Hey, uh, guys?
This is still just
a friendly game
of Cell Thieves, right?
I think it's gone
beyond that.
Gulp!
Seriously, why're you
goin' to such lengths
to sabotage us?
It's not like there's
anything to gain.
[TAMA] You expect
a former President
to sit back in good conscience
while the current one makes
a mockery of the office?
You expect me to believe
that's your real motive?
Yeah, whatever.
She's always been this way.
[CHITOSE] The tiniest thing,
and she goes off
on me and Roka
like we're criminals.
It's still kinda unclear
how true the whole
sandcastle flashback was.
Thing is, she's kept
a low profile lately.
In fact, I'd forgotten her.
How do you forget
a life-long adversary?
You like to flatter
your ego, don't you?
See, truth be told,
I'm just a fan of
messing with losers!
[ATARU]
How ya holding out, Kenji?
How long have
you been here?
Maybe it's a tad too late
to even be asking this,
but how are these
girls so strong?
[ATARU]
You noticed, huh?
[KAZAMA] Yeah, well,
it's not every day
I get sumo slapped within
an inch of my life!
[ATARU] Tama's moves
do pack a wallop.
I know professionals
that envy her.
And don't get me started
on that pigtail
Double Kabuki technique.
It's like getting caught
in the gears of a combine!
Fifth-generation Kabuki
actors are jealous!
[KAZAMA]
I can see that.
I mean, apparently she's
had that move in her arsenal
since kindergarten, so there's
been a little time to practice.
And yours truly gets
bragging rights
for surviving the onslaught.
[KAZAMA]
Are you gonna survive?
My recovery speed is legendary.
Now get back in there
and use me as your shield!
[KAZAMA]
No thanks.
Damn it, man!
This is the reason I was born!
[KAZAMA] You were born
to be a pain in the ass!
Why are you napping
on the floor?
You're supposed to be
my first line of defense!
[KAZAMA]
You know we don't
have to physically
overpower her, right?
We can just steal
her cell phone.
That's kinda the
point of this game.
Oh, then let's go
with option B, then.
Sure. Believe I'll
pass on that.
You really want to
beat her up, don't you?
D'aww.
Are you getting tired
of eating the floor?
My cell phone's right here.
Kazama, unless you have
some mad sleight of
hand skills, shut up.
We have to take her.
[TAMA]
Come and get it.
[KAZAMA, ATARU] I'm not touching
that with a ten-foot pole.
It's only fair to
let you guys know.
I'm planning to hold off
stealing your phones
until I have to fish them
out of a pool of goo.
[KAZAMA]
Psycho!
Here's our strategy.
Try to set her off with
your tough-guy act.
Wait, you mean like
like insult her hair?
You never did say
which style was best.
[KAZAMA]
What?
I'm telling you, I'll
come in handy. Eh?
[KAZAMA]
Ugh!
If you're not here
to wear her down,
then what the hell'd
you come back for?
[KAZAMA]
Huh?
I'm not afraid of you!
Whatever you got, Tama,
I can take it and then some!
[KAZAMA]
Why are you so excited?
I don't mean to complain,
but is a shield allowed
to use another shield?
I'm gonna go ahead
and allow it. Clear.
What the
No worries. Heh.
The more the merrier!
[ATARU wailing]
[KAZAMA]
Ataru, no!
I I think you
cracked his sternum.
Yeah, probably.
If you're scared,
you could just walk away.
[TAMA] Since you were the
guy that defeated Roka,
I was really hoping to see
what you're made of.
Guess the secret ingredient
was dumb luck, huh?
Not another word, missy!
No one trash-talks my friend
and gets away with it!
Sure, he may
look like a weakling,
but luck is not what
brought him to this pass,
oh, no!
The cards have been stacked
against this waif
from the very beginning!
[KAZAMA] You don't have
to put it like that!
[TAMA] Either way, he's not
really much of a fighter.
I think we can all agree
Kazama's out of his depth.
[KAZAMA]
Ow!
Now for my next trick.
Pushing you out of the ring!
Accident.
[KAZAMA]
What?
Look, I just happened
to be standing here.
You really expect me
to believe that?
Whatever, all right?
I don't want to see
the club shut down
over something trivial.
Wait, seriously?
[TAKAO]
When you make a stand,
I can't help but
want to root for you.
But like I said,
I--I was just on my
way to the restroom.
[FUJISAKI]
Oh, uh safe!
[CHITOSE] He didn't
beat Roka with luck.
The boy's got some game.
He's the scrappy outsider type.
Whaddya say we
show her what I mean,
Shield Number Two?
You better not let
Tama have her way.
Because you're not
joining my club
if this one shuts down.
So do what you have to do.
Come on, man.
I believe in you.
But if you get your butt kicked,
we can go back to
the way things were.
[KAZAMA]
You're not helping!
Uh, 'scuse me, Takao,
but didn't you say you
needed to go the bathroom?
[TAKAO]
You're bringing that up now?
All righty, then.
Enough screwin' around.
Let's finish this so she
can take care of business.
Oh, well I
I was only, you know,
it's not that big a deal.
[toilet flushing]
Never thought I'd tie
with a First Year. Huh.
You have some
great moves, kid.
I think you were
holding back too much
for us to say it was a tie.
I have no idea what
you're talking about.
The question on your
cell phone gave it away.
Anybody could've answered it.
All I can assume is that
you never intended to win.
Well, with Tama
still in the running,
the game's far from decided.
I'm not too worried.
When you get right down to it,
the peeps in my club
are pretty strong.
Roka and Chitose are certainly
nothing to sneeze at.
But what's your take
on that Kazama guy?
I'd say he's
reasonably average.
That's too bad.
Yeah, but it doesn't
really matter.
Worse comes to worse,
he'll just pull out a set of
brass knuckles,
or break somebody's leg.
You're kidding me!
It's okay.
He's still a good guy.
Let's finish this so I
can get the hell home.
Spoken like a
true delinquent.
Should I be impressed?
'cause there's no way a
ponytail-sporting nerd
with a dirt fetish and a
delinquent are gonna beat me.
Oh-ho!
Someone thinks they're
really clever, don't they?
[TAMA]
Aw, thanks.
Not to toot my own horn,
but my attacks do
have a cultural base.
[KAZAMA]
Leave the culture alone!
If you think I'm
gonna to let you
lump me together with
this dill-weed,
you're mistaken.
And it's not a dirt fetish.
I have the power
of an earth elemental!
[KAZAMA]
And a human shield!
[yelling]
That all you got?
I'm surprised
you've held out
as long as you have.
So you gonna take back
what you said about us before?
Yeah.
Given the amount
of abuse you can take,
I'm forced to revise my opinion.
You've taken masochism to
a whole other level!
Why is that the first
place your mind goes?
Makes sense.
[KAZAMA]
Don't agree with her!
[KAZAMA]
Knock it off!
[KAZAMA]
Shut up, Ataru!
Whatever.
The important thing is,
I think she's startin'
to run outta steam.
If we keep at it,
we can take her out.
You're runnin'
outta steam, too.
If ya hadn't noticed,
so are you.
Ugh, actually I'm
close to being done.
It's time we wrap this thing up.
Sounds like something
someone would say right
before a last stand?
Well it's been a long
time coming, Pigtails!
You know,
perhaps it would be
better to just end you!
Ha! Then I won't have to
stoop to your level anymore!
That pretty little
head of yours
is gonna look fantastic
stuck on a flagpole
outside the gate
of my sandcastle!
[KAZAMA]
Now!
Ugh!
What kind of girl
keeps mud balled
up in her pockets?
Grody!
The kind of girl
whose finishing move
is gonna go down
in the record books!
And she ain't
talkin' 'bout you!
[KAZAMA] That's right,
I got past your defenses.
I can see that.
What're ya' gonna do?
Defeat me?
Try to cop a feel?
[KAZAMA] You asked
me whether I liked
pigtails or ponytails.
The answer is neither.
[TAMA]
Are, are you?
[KAZAMA] I like girls
who wear their hair down.
[TAMA squeals]
And that's what you
call a summoning move!
Like you knew she
was gonna appear.
Oh, actually, he did.
He responded to my text
in stealth mode, so voila.
[TAMA]
That's cheating!
[ROKA]
Wow, Chi-chi.
We haven't defeated Tama
since that day in the sandbox
all those years ago!
So, yay!
Go us.
Way to mess up the moment
by using that stupid nickname.
Same as yesterday, the
pork shabu combo. Boom.
[FUJISAKI]
Um, correct!
How lame.
Everybody and their grandma
knows the answer to that.
Actually, I don't think
she was planning
to beat you guys, either.
[Ex-Student Council
peeps are weird.
--Hooray! Hooray!
--We did it!
--Woo-hoo! Yay!
--We prevailed! Hooray!
[CHITOSE] So the club
lives to fight another day.
Good for you.
Don't let it go to your head.
I'll be seeing you
again soon, Chi-chi.
Screw you!
[TAMA giggles]
So tell me the truth.
They're besties, aren't they?
[ROKA]
It's complicated.
Hey, gang!
Guess who's loaded up
on nifty anti-nausea meds
and ready to rumble?
Yeah! Let's clobber 'em!
Is anybody left standing?
Uh, anybody at all?
Oh, that's right.
There's her.
Flawless timing.
You think we
can take her?
Is she the one
that hurls?
[retching noise]
[ALL screaming]
[FUJISAKI]
Victory goes to the
Game Creation
Club (Provisional)!
[TAMA wailing]
Boring!
Can you try not to
suck at this, please?
There needs to be a part
where there's, like,
Kabuki or something.
Hey, Pigtails.
Haven't you been
coming here a lot lately?
It sounds like you've
been keeping tabs on me.
Mind telling me where else
I'm supposed to
get tea and snacks?
And I told you,
it's Little Tama.
We put up the tea
service a half hour ago.
Do you want me to
destroy this place?
I dare you to try it!
Pigtails, please.
Uh, Little Tama?
Yes, what is it?
Uh, after some thought,
I think it would be
best for everyone
if you'd just join
the club already.
Why would I want
to be part of a
snooze-fest like this?
[KAZAMA, CHITOSE]
You little
Uh, good afternoon, everyone.
Hey. Don't stare.
I'm just trying somethin' new.
You know, to mix
things up a little.
Do what?
Don't get any ideas
that I'm wearing my
hair down to impress you!
I couldn't care less
what you think!
[KAZAMA] Why are
you yelling at me?
[TAKAO]
I'm not yelling!
Well, what do you know?
Seems great minds think alike
when it comes to style.
What's the verdict, Kazama?
Should I wear it like
this from here on out,
or is it too flirtatious?
I simply can't decide.
[TAKAO]
Come on, Roka!
It was my idea
to show him first!
Girls never make
sense, do they?
Hey. Emergency meeting.
Faculty caught wind
of that li'l cell phone
smash 'n grab
you saw fit
to hold on campus.
Congratulations, you're all
suspended for a week.
[ALL]
What?
Gah! I can't believe
that they lost!
Woot!
Ms. Ohsawa,
this magnificent crystal skull
of dubious origin is now yours.
Wait, that's how it works?
I don't understand.
You won the bet, too.
Yes.
But my intentions were
to unload this piece of junk
on somebody else.
Wow. Thanks.
[MINAMI] Tokyo Nananas
are the bomb.
I wonder about
that hole there.
[FUKUKO]
Oh yeah? What about it?
Huh.
It's almost like these two
were made for each other.
What? Wait!
[MINAMI]
Hey-o!
[FUKUKO] Why would you
do such a thing?
You just stuffed processed food
into an ancient relic!
[screaming]
I've been upstaged by
a Tokyo Nanana?
Aah! Grandma!