Hollywood Arts (2026) s01e12 Episode Script

1
So I break down the walls that I made ♪
Won't hold back, I'm here to stay ♪
[mellow guitar music plays]
And the clown ate some pie ♪
As the mermaid swam by ♪
And the crow in the tuxedo
Soon took flight ♪
[imitates cawing]
That's what I dreamed ♪
Last night ♪
Whoo!
[Pepper] Thank you!
Story time, chickadees!
Wow! No applause.
Remember last week in the parking lot
when someone backed into an armored car
full of money?
- Um, that was you.
- Good! So you remember.
Anyway, the school has to cover
the cost of the damages,
so to raise the money, they rented out
Hollywood Arts tomorrow for a…
Renaissance Faire!
Have… fun with that?
Well, you'll be having fun too
because you're working it!
- Whoa, wait! What?
- What?!
Working on a Saturday?
Man, that's Ren-unfair!
- Clever!
- Thank you!
That was the biggest selling point
to the Ren Faire.
A host of talented young people
working it for absolutely no money.
- What?
- Oh, this is ridiculous!
Gosh, you don't have to like "work work,"
just have to dress up and set the scene.
Knights, maidens, jesters, turkey legs.
It's basically a carnival,
but like, Shakespeare.
Actually, Shakespeare came a couple
hundred years after the Renaissance.
Okay, mathlete.
It's Shakespeare-adjacent.
Can we agree on that?
Yeah, we can agree
that Shakespeare is boring!
Boring?
"To be or not to be,
that is the question."
"Whether 'tis nobler in the mind
to suffer the slings and arrows
of outrageous fortune…"
"Or to take arms
against a sea of troubles."
Maybe… boring was the wrong word.
I'm feeling things.
Shakespeare is super cool!
Duels, magic, fairies, ghosts,
love potions and romance!
Shakespeare write anything
about demon hunters as in K-pop?
- What? No, but--
- I rest my case.
I'm sure that Shakespeare
was great for his times,
he's just not relatable anymore.
Come on!
Who hasn't loved someone they shouldn't?
Or gone against their family's wishes?
Or taken the advice
of three witches in the woods?
Okay, maybe not that last one.
But Shakespeare is all around us.
You'll see. At Ren Faire!
- Hey, can Oscar Shakespeare us again?
- Cosign!
Okay, focus up, people, you've all
been assigned a role for the fair,
so take a look under your seats.
Is what I would have said if I had gotten
here early enough to put them there.
Minstrel lady? Da what?
You get to sing.
I rescind my "Da what?"
A witch?
No, read underneath it.
A witch with warts?
Yeah!
- Ah!
- Fair maiden.
Cool. A lot of depth there.
Dashing lord.
I already got the dashing part down.
- Just gotta get my lord on.
- [both laugh]
Royal guard.
[gasps] Wait!
- Does this mean…?
- [both gasp]
- You don't get swords.
- [both] Oh!
[fanfare music plays]
My students think the Bard's a bore.
Methinks a lesson is in store.
Yon fair doth bring a fertile ground.
Oh, let me take that again.
Trina, that was take eight.
I can't keep filming you all day
for The Dap. I have flower crowns to sell.
And people are stealing them.
I gotta go deal with that.
What about my content?
Get thee a tripod.
Come one, come all
To the Renaissance Faire ♪
Come gaze at my dress
And long, healthy hair ♪
Such sights, such sounds
Such beauty to see ♪
But the loveliest sight ♪
Is me ♪
[cheering]
Your claps fill me so,
but so doth your shillings.
Ye olde QR code.
Yo, Jen, that song was fire.
- Oh!
- It was abso-lute-ly gorgeous.
Hah. Notice how I emphasized "lute"?
- We're having fun with language here.
- Oh!
Thanks, guys. Attention is my favorite.
Especially from guys
whose names rhyme with "Roscar."
I can have fun with language too.
Ah-choo!
Ew!
[sniffles]
Does anybody have a tissue?
I think I might be allergic
to something at this Ren Faire.
Yeah, I think so too.
I'm surprised you didn't sneeze
those warts off.
These bad boys? They're on real good.
- Want to poke them?
- I do not.
Jen told me that these things
can really fly.
-Ahh!
- [loud thud]
[upbeat regal music plays]
Flower crowns!
Get your flower crowns!
I'll take a flower crown.
Handsome.
I mean, h-hand…
some to you… right now.
Thanks.
Uh, is that for your girlfriend?
No. Don't have one of those.
Oh, I… Me neither. [laughs]
The-the boy--
The boy version of a girlfriend, that is.
Um, who is it for?
My little sister.
She loves Ren Faires.
Yeah, I'm starting to see
the appeal myself.
Me too.
[Pepper] Ah-choo!
Excuse me.
I have an idea.
Why don't I just buy the whole basket?
That way your work is done and…
we could spend the day together?
[soft, romantic music plays]
Uh, yeah, I would like that.
[chuckles softly]
- [whispering] Oh, my God!
- Oh, my God!
[Trina] Hey! Mankowitz.
- Where'd you get those coconuts?
- What are you, a cop?
I found them in a locker marked Sikowitz.
You can't sell those.
They expired like ten years ago.
What are you, the health board?
I'm just trying to make a buck.
Who knows what old coconut juice can do?
If someone drank that,
it could make them act all loopy!
You should be ashamed of yourself!
- What are you, my mother?
- No.
But follow me and stand up straight,
young man.
Oh!
[trills lips]
- I'm kind of bored.
- Yeah, me too.
Wanna drink those unmarked vials
of mystery juice?
Say less.
[eerie music plays]
Uh, hold on. It says "love potion."
You sure we should drink it?
[scoffs] Of course!
- Cheers to not thinking things through.
- Alright.
- [gags] Ugh.
- [coughs]
Dude, why would you let me drink that?
- Ugh.
- [stomach rumbles]
- Oh…
- [stomach rumbles]
[groggily] I don't feel too good.
Neither do I.
[loud thud]
Ah-choo!
[exhales, sniffles]
Oh, good! You're awake.
- Wow!
- Wow!
Yeah, yeah, warts and sneezes.
Laugh it up.
Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate.
What?
[giggling] Mm…
- Ah-choo!
- Ah!
Ew! You got your snot all over me, witch.
How dare thee speak
to this beautiful warted wonder so?
You think I'm beautiful?
More beautiful than any creature
mine eyes hath beheld.
Oh! What is happening?
Yeah, Oscar.
Our thing is that we fawn over you
and you barely acknowledge it.
- Ah-choo!
- Ah!
Mine ears worship the melody
of thy precious sneeze.
Far more pleasing than any vile lute.
What is happening?!
"What's happening?" the girls inquire.
I sense some strangeness
'twixt those two sires.
The scene doth glisten
with mischief's light.
And also, these shoes are way too tight.
[grumbles]
[regal, upbeat music playing]
Whoo! [chuckles]
Oh! Oh, you have to meet my brother!
Meeting family on the first date.
- This really is the 1500s.
- [chuckles]
- Oscar, this is…
- Oscar!
- Matty!
- [tense music plays]
Oh, hate this right away.
Wait, wait, wait. Matty? As in…?
Catty Matty.
Wait, the one who goes to Montague Prep,
that you've been competing for parts with
since you were like six?
The same.
Wow, my brother's been talking about you
for years.
- [deep breath]
- Never mentioned how hot you were.
Her crush's nemesis, her only bro.
The plot has thickened now,
and thickened so.
Then we'll angle it back on them.
Mm! Scorsese over here.
Okay, enough circling!
I can't believe that you're Catty Matty.
Didn't you blast a fog machine during
Hollywood Arts' production of Wicked?
I was coughing through
"Dancing Through Life."
I only did that because Oscar locked me
in the prop closet
during Montague Prep's
production of Annie.
Daddy Warbucks couldn't adopt Annie.
Okay, well, I am glad
that that's all in the past
and we're all mature enough to move on.
I forbid you from ever talking
to my sister again.
Or not.
Look, I'm gonna let Oscar cool off.
- I'll see you later, Emmy.
- No, you won't.
- Yes, I will.
- [Emmy chuckles]
No, you won't! Ha! Got the last one in.
- Yes, I will.
- Gah!
I can't believe that I fell
for your biggest rival.
Pfft. Simple Emmy.
Um, okay.
You think it's a coincidence,
out of all the girls here,
he happens to flirt with… you?
Well, I'd assume it's because he thinks
I am charming and beautiful.
[chuckles]
Simple, simple Emmy.
Stop calling me simple!
You're his smoke machine.
He's just using you to get under my skin.
- Maybe you're right.
- Of course--
- [stomach rumbling]
- Oh… Oh…
What's wrong?
I don't know.
My tummy really hurts.
[Pepper] Ah-choo!
Hark!
The siren sound of Pepper's sneeze.
My lady's in need of nasal remedy. Away!
Fair maiden's split
between her heart and home.
And then some rhyme to finish it.
I don't know, we'll fix it in post.
[upbeat regal music plays]
There has got to be some allergy medicine
somewhere. [heavy breathing]
Ah-choo!
- [Oscar] My Peptress.
- Huh?
To rid you of this hypoallergenic plague,
I humbly offer you… this.
[shimmering music plays]
Nasal spray.
For my true love's
dust-filled lady nostrils.
The way the light hits
your precious warts.
To gaze, perchance… to poke?
Ah!
Oscar,
I can't believe you suddenly love me.
If I didn't know any better, I'd think
something weird was going on.
- Knave!
- Mm!
You scheme to win fair Pepper's heart,
knave? She is mine!
- Yeah, something weird's going on.
- Oh, hey, guys.
I'm a witch now
since you seem to like 'em warty.
- Anyone care to offer me attention?
- Not now, Jen!
Oscar's trying to steal my love
with trinkets. Heave!
- [loud thud]
- Ow! My nose!
[cries]
I challenge thee.
Not if I challenge thee first!
- [stomach rumbling]
- Whoa, hold up, my guy.
Oof. Stomach sounds.
Right. Mine's been barking all day.
Weird.
But no bubbling of mine guts shall stop me
from winning fair Pepper's hand.
A duel then!
Boys, Trina said no swords!
- A fight!
- [both] For Pepper's hand!
No, no, my-my hands want
nothing to do with this!
I don't know what's going on,
but I don't like it!
Mateo…
Why did you have to be Mateo?
My mom liked the name.
You know, you could have just taken
the stairs over there.
No romance in taking the stairs.
So you do like me?
Yes!
I mean, I was worried that you were just
pretending to like me to annoy my brother.
Doubt thou the stars or fire.
Doubt that the sun doth move.
Doubt truth to be a liar.
But never doubt my crush.
Whoa.
Shakespeare.
Yeah, Trina was right.
The Bard's got bars.
- [creaks]
- I'm-I'm falling.
- For me? Whoa, whoa!
- Yeah, but also, I'm-I'm falling!
Are you okay?
[strained] Never better.
[lively music playing]
[both grunting]
Eat sword!
- [stomach rumbles]
- Don't say "eat"!
[grunting]
- We got it!
- We got it!
My nasal spray?
- No!
- Crud.
Okay, so I found this girl
crying over a broken nose.
I was crying over lack of attention.
Be accurate.
And she told me the boys
were acting super weird.
Yep. Two guys in medieval garb
fighting to the death over me
used to be my fantasy, but…
- [grunting]
- …now I've got the absolute ick.
[grunting continues]
I've been filming and doing this
adorable omniscient narrator thing all day
and look what I found on my phone!
Huh?
See? This is why I don't eat vegetables!
Oh, not that one.
I left my camera running on my tripod,
and, well, look!
- Cheers to not thinking things through.
- Alright.
That's why they're acting like this?
They drank old coconuts,
which made them act loopy!
So what do we do now?
We take them to Yaktown!
Is that in Nevada?
I didn't bring my passport.
She means we need to make 'em throw up!
- Oh.
- Yeah.
- Ah!
- [stomach rumbles]
Them moving around so much
seems to be making 'em sicker.
- We just gotta get them to fight harder!
- [gasps] Not a problem.
[clears throat]
[clears throat] Oh, boys?
[both grunt]
You call that thrashing?
I'm looking for an able-bodied knight,
not a namby-pamby squire.
[grunting]
Now jump up and down!
[whining]
Think about hot cottage cheese!
[grunting]
[groaning, retching]
He loves me.
He loves me not.
I think he likes me.
Are you okay?
[Mateo panting]
Good call on the stairs.
We have to make this quick. I don't want
my brother seeing us together.
I saw this sign-up sheet in the hallway
for this big Renaissance Faire
next weekend in Modesto.
They're looking for theater kids
who'll work it. A whole weekend. Just us.
No brothers.
Wanna run away together?
Two stair-crossed lovers
plot a sweet escape.
Atop the balcony, the plan takes shape.
Reminds me of a tale written by the Bard.
And people said
that teaching would be hard. [chuckles]
[soft music plays]
So what do you say, brown-eyed girl?
Wanna spend next weekend
surrounded by theater nerds?
Arm's getting a little tired.
Forsooth!
- [chuckles]
- Is that yes?
I think. You know, this morning
I was a Ren Faire hater
and now I am just forsoothin'
all over the place!
- Let's go before your brother catches us.
- Yeah.
Uh, but first… while we're alone,
if I may…
Forsooth!
[deep inhale] Okay.
I throwed up, Mama.
Uh, you sure did, honey.
So, just to confirm, you yacked up
your weird obsession with me, right?
[gasps]
Pretty Pepper?
This one's got
some more yacking to do. Come on!
Matty.
What's going on here?
Catty Matty still bothering you?
Oh, no, no, I just… Uh…
You know, why am I hiding this from you?
Mateo and I just signed up for another
Renaissance Faire next weekend.
I'm gonna turn around now.
Would you care to remove
the knife in my back?
You know, the one you stabbed me with
when you decided to run away
with my archnemesis!
Oh…
You really should
cross your name off that list.
- Thank you!
- What? Why?
Trust me, it's the right thing to do.
Wisdom of elders,
the only true currency we have.
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have to barf my guts out.
But your name better be
crossed off that list when I get back.
- Excuse me!
- Hey.
Excuse me!
Why did you take his side?
I know siblings. He can't stop you
from going away with Mateo,
but he won't stop bugging you about it.
So, here's the plan.
When Oscar comes back, you're gonna make
a big show of crossing your name off.
Then, get him in a Pear car,
come back, and re-sign up again.
What? That…
That's actually a great plan.
But what if Mateo comes back
and sees that I crossed off my name?
- He'd be heartbroken.
- Relax!
I'll stand guard. If Mateo comes back in,
I'll tell him it's not a real cross-off.
[sighs] Yeah, why does this plan
feel familiar,
and not in a happily-ever-after
kind of way?
Do not… go out there.
Ah! Oscar, we missed you!
Yes, I can only imagine how much
a space suffers when I leave it.
Now, to simply check
if my sister's crossed her name off
this accursed sign-up sheet.
Well, I wanted you to witness
my gesture of goodwill with your own eyes.
Oh. Chill move.
There we are!
And you, poor, poor brother,
plagued by such ill-tempered humors,
let us get thee to a Pear car.
Now,
simply to stand guard.
Hey, Mr. Mankowitz!
Quit selling old coconuts!
Make me!
[grunts]
[Mankowitz] Uh-oh.
[tense music plays, then stops]
[soft music plays]
She crossed off her name.
Cruel fate.
My only love sprung from my only hate.
Thus, with a pen,
my crush…
dies.
Thank you, Trina! I--
Trina!
[gasps]
[dramatic music playing]
Now he probably thinks that I hate him.
Good! He's hateable.
Doomed from the start.
- Boo!
- Hater!
A little space, bro!
No, it's okay.
He's probably right. I mean…
he crossed off his name,
and he is my brother's nemesis.
So it probably just wasn't meant to be
from the beginning. [inhales]
What a tragedy.
Exactly!
You might even say
it was a Shakespearean tragedy.
Ha!
Booyah!
What are you booyahing about?
I'm booyahing about how y'all were like,
"Shakespeare's mid.
It's low-key not relevant. He's dead."
'Kay. Well, let me tell you something,
Oscar, Qwest, Jen, Pepper.
You guys went full-on
Midsummer Night's Dream.
She's right. Love potions, chaos,
drama in the woods.
- Barf?
- That was in the subtext.
And you, fairest maiden,
you were our very own Juliet.
Star-crossed lovers from feuding families
with a supes tragic ending?
Dang.
Yeah, you kinda ate with this one, Miss V.
Say it.
- God, I'm a good teacher!
- Whoo!
- [laughter]
- She said it!
That thing she says!
Oh, did we get enough money
to cover the bank car accident?
- Who cares?
- So, no?
Not even close.
Hey, Bardy people, get up here, let's act!
- Whoo!
- Alright, yeah!
- Okay.
- [cell phone chimes]
- Alright, so…
- [indistinct chatter]
[gasps] Mateo?
[Mateo] Hey,
I know you crossed off your name,
but I couldn't let it go
without one last try.
Wanna hang out sometime?
- [indistinct chatter]
- [Trina] Perfect!
Forsooth.
[uplifting music playing]
Okay, what's the scene?
[upbeat regal music playing]