Leave It to Beaver (1957) s01e12 Episode Script

1
("Leave it to Beaver" theme music)
[Narrator] Leave It To Beaver.
Starring Barbara Billingsley, Hugh Beaumont, Tony Dow
and Jerry Mathers as The Beaver.
(light playful music)
As you know, our kids think of all
kinds of ways to make money.
They'll even go so far as to actually
sell water to their friends.
But on occasion, they run into some pretty
stiff sales resistance, and that's our story tonight
on Leave It To Beaver.
(upbeat dramatic music)
Oh Ward!
Oh!
Ward, would you mail this from the office?
I don't have an airmail stamp.
- Sure.
What are you doing, writing the Ladies' Home Journal again
to find out how to get along with your husband?
I already know how to handle you.
Boys want you to mail this.
Mason Acme Products.
Ah, they forgot to seal it.
I wonder why they're writing Mason Acme Products Company.
Well, if you're so curious, why didn't you take a peek?
I wouldn't do a thing like that,
but you might though. (Audience laughing)
You know, some day I'm gonna write
the Ladies' Home Journal about you.
Well, aren't you just a little curious
to know what they're sending for?
No, not especially.
They're pretty sensible kids and I think
we should show enough confidence in them
to respect their privacy.
- Mm.
If you decide to open it up at the office,
call me up and let me know what's in it.
(audience laughing)
- Okay. (Whispers)
(slow mellow music)
- Thanks a lot.
- Yeah, thanks a lot.
Sure got here fast, it only took a week.
Yeah.
Hi dad, hi mom!
- Wally, can I help carry it?
Sure.
(audience laughing)
- It's gonna be great Beav.
- Yeah.
We'll make $100 million.
Mason Acme Products Company.
Now, aren't you a little curious?
Well, not unduly!
Well, enormous box, it might be a machine gun
or a bomb or something. (Audience laughing)
Well, if it is we'll hear about it soon enough.
(audience laughing)
- Now, look Ward!
I think you should find out what those boys are up to.
Dear, I think we should have faith in our boys.
But you don't have to have blind faith.
Have it your own way.
(light playful music)
Enclosed are your 24 bottles
of Flower of the Orient perfume.
After you sell this fast moving merchandise
to your fiends and neighbors, just re-mail
that $24 plus tax and we will rush you
the Screenmaster Movie Projector.
Wally, there's another picture of it on the back.
Boy, we can make lots of money showing movies
just like in a real theater.
Yeah, but don't go telling any of the other kids,
they'll all be getting projectors.
We won't have any trouble selling this stuff.
Yeah, then we can sell it all this afternoon.
What does it smell like, Wally?
I don't know, what does it smell like to you?
Kind of like an old catcher's mitt.
(audience laughing)
Yeah! (Audience laughing)
You think that's good, Wally?
I don't know, women are funny.
Maybe they like to smell like old catcher's mitt.
(audience laughing)
- Yeah.
Come on, Wally, let's go and start selling.
(bright playful music)
(door bangs)
(audience laughing)
(mellow music)
Here they come. (Door opens)
Hi mom, hi dad!
Hi mom, hi dad.
(door bangs)
I'm just dying to know what it is
they got from Mason Acme.
They were outside all day, so whatever it is,
it thrives in the open air.
Dear, please don't pull 'em out by this cord.
(door bangs)
Gee Beav!
We didn't even sell one bottle.
Yeah, maybe women don't like to smell like catcher's mitt.
(audience laughing)
What do we do now Wally?
We'll never get rid of this junk.
Should we throw it away?
Nah, let's put in the closet,
maybe we can unload it at Christmas.
Yeah.
(slow mellow music)
Oh, thanks very much.
(door bangs)
Oh Ward, you should see our two boys.
They're folding their towels,
they're picking up their dirty clothes
and they're making their beds like two little angels.
What's that?
Special delivery letter just came
for your two little angels.
Some lawyers are suing them.
Dunlop and Carter Attorneys at law.
Gentlemen, you have chosen to ignore our three
previous letters requesting immediate payment
or return of merchandise to our client Mason Acme Products.
Therefore, this is to inform you that unless
the $24 is in our hands by return mail
What's this all about?
Well, apparently the boys were supposed to sell
24 bottles of Flower of the Orient perfume.
And they were to win something called
a Screenmaster Movie Projector.
But it says here they sent three other letters,
and we never knew about them.
You know, this never would have happened
if you'd let me open that letter in the first place.
(audience laughing)
- What?
I just wanted to say it before you did.
(audience laughing)
Well, what are you going to do about it?
I'm not gonna let them put my babies in jail.
There's no problem, I'll just get the perfume
and send it back to the company
with a polite little note of accusing them
of exploiting child labor. (Audience laughing)
(June sighs)
(door bangs)
Ah, you're doing a nice job there boys.
- Thanks dad!
- Yeah, thanks dad!
Could I see the perfume, boys?
(audience laughing)
Perfume, what perfume is that dad?
(audience laughing)
Yeah, what perfume is that dad?
The 24 bottles of Flower of the Orient.
- Flower of the Orient?
- Yeah.
Another letter came today.
Oh, that Flower of the Orient.
(audience laughing)
You better get it Beav.
(closet door opens)
Boys, why didn't you tell me about this in the beginning?
We thought we could sell it.
Didn't we, Wally?
- Yeah, dad, we really did.
We tried all morning the day it came.
Yeah, but why didn't you come to me
when they started sending you those letters?
After we read the first one,
we were scared of all of the others.
We put them away.
And you see dad, we wanna get this keen movie projector.
Yeah, well, that looks pretty good.
But I'll tell you something boys,
if you'd wanted this projector badly enough
you could have sold that perfume.
We wanted the projector, but nobody wanted the perfume.
No boys!
In life, when you don't succeed
the first time you try something,
you don't just throw up your
hands and say it can't be done.
Salesmanship is hard work, and sticking to it.
Well, when I was your age, I coulda sold 100 bottles
of this stuff in a week.
- Could you do it now, dad?
- Huh?
You're a lot smarter now. (Audience laughing)
Yeah, dad, would you really help us sell the perfume?
Oh, well, I didn't
It's Saturday, we got the whole day.
Yeah, you said you could sell 100 bottles,
we only got 24. (Audience laughing)
Well, I'm awfully sorry boys,
but I got a golf date today with Mr. Cartwright and
- Oh!
- Oh!
And I'm sure he can wait until Monday.
Okay, boys.
I'll tell you what, I'll go down and get the car
and we'll go out and get rid of this stuff
just like that. (Snaps finger)
Give me a bottle of that stuff,
I'll make the first sale to your mother.
(audience laughing)
Wally!
I thought dad was gonna be mad at us.
Me too!
He sure is in a good mood.
Yeah.
Too bad, we didn't order 48 bottles.
We coulda each got a jecktor. (Audience laughing)
Well, how did you make out with the boys?
You're sending the perfume back to the company?
Well, no!
You see, we got to kicking it around
and we decided to go out and sell it today.
- You and the boys?
- Yeah.
I thought you had a gold date with Mr. Cartwright.
Dear, I'm gonna tell you something.
I am not only going to sell that perfume
but I'm gonna do it and get back in time
to keep that golf date.
You see, I have the type of personality
that's irresistible to housewives.
(audience laughing)
- Ah, do you now?
Madam, would you like to be the first
to purchase a bottle of this new and sensational fragrance.
Flower of the Orient, the treasured love secret
of ancient Persia?
I'd be delighted.
That will be one dollar, please.
My husband will give it to you.
(audience laughing)
- Oh!
Well, I'll go out and get the car.
(door opens and bangs)
(audience laughing)
Ward!
Ward!
What's the matter?
(audience laughing)
It smells a little like old first
baseball's mitt I used to have.
You and the boys are gonna go out
and try to sell this stuff?
I think I better stall the boys until after lunch.
Formulate a new sales campaign,
estimate the maximum consumer appeal.
In other words, come up with an angle to unload this junk.
(audience laughing)
Well, while you're coming up with an angle
I'll come up with some chipped egg sandwiches.
(bright upbeat music)
(mellow music)
Boys, I think I'm gonna let you go out on your own.
By ourselves?
Dad, how are we gonna get rid of it by ourselves?
Oh, but I've got something that will help you out.
It's a little scheme.
You've got a scheme to make this stuff smell better?
(audience laughing)
Well, no.
It's just this list I want you to take out with you.
A list, dad?
All good salesmen have lists of prospective customers.
Where did you get prospective customers, dad?
Well, no place special, just some names
I picked at a random.
Well, you better get going boys.
Now, go out there this afternoon and knock 'em dead.
Okay, dad.
So long mom.
Yeah, bye.
We're gonna go out there and knock 'em dead.
Well, you be careful and don't get your feet wet.
(door bangs)
Well, I told you I'd make that golf date.
Honey, this list you just made at random,
just who's on it?
Oh, it's nothing, it's just a list.
(audience laughing)
This is my woman's club membership list.
(audience laughing)
- Yeah.
Well, I may have leaned on it a little.
Ward, how could you stick my friends
with that vile smelling stuff?
Well now, June, you don't think I'd do
a think like that, do you?
Yes. (Audience laughing)
I just sort of phoned around.
Well, as a matter of fact, I told them
if the didn't want the stuff, that I'd buy it back.
Oh.
Ward, I think it's so sweet of you to wanna help the boys
but aren't you going about it in the wrong way, with money?
Why, I don't think so.
When I told them I'd buy it back,
well, I just thought of that as a sort of an inducement.
Ward, the word is bribe. (Audience laughing)
(bright dramatic music)
This is the first one on dad's list.
I hope they don't have a dog.
Good morning Mrs. Wentworth.
Good morning.
Sure is!
Nice day, isn't it?
Yes, very nice.
Well, you see, were Wally and Beaver Cleaver.
Oh, yes!
I'll take one bottle.
(audience laughing)
Well, sure!
(door closes)
Well, Wally what happened? (Audience laughing)
I don't know.
Did we say we were selling perfume?
I don't know, it all happened so fast.
(audience laughing)
It sure did.
Wally, before we go to the movies,
let's try another house.
Yeah, let's.
(slow playful music)
(audience laughing)
(door bell ringing)
Madam, would you care to buy
Thank you, but I didn't wanna go out until you got here.
Here you are. (Audience laughing)
Happened again.
That one didn't even take the perfume.
That's all right, we can sell it again.
(audience laughing)
Wally, we're doing all right, aren't we?
Yeah.
Then what's the matter?
We couldn't sell a perfume at all before.
How come we're selling it now?
I think we oughta find out what's going on.
Wally, I think I got a better idea.
What's that?
Why don't we send for a projector
and then find out what's going on?
(audience laughing)
Yeah, that is a better idea.
(bright playful music)
Ward, I'm worried about the boys, it's almost six o'clock.
Maybe one of your women's club member
stuck 'em with a bum check. (Audience laughing)
Ward, I wish you hadn't had done this.
Maybe you oughta get the car out
and go see if you (door bell ringing)
(door opens)
Lady, would you care to buy a bottle
of Flower of the Orient perfume,
the treasured love secret of ancient Persia?
Flower of the Orient.
Well, I think I could use at least two bottles.
Sorry mom, all sold out.
You sold them all!
Hey, that's swell.
Did you hear that June, sold 'em all?
No trouble at all, huh boys?
Uh-uh, we even sold some bottles twice.
(audience laughing)
Oh, oh you did?
Well, it just goes to show you that perseverance
does pay off. (Laughs lightly)
You better get on upstairs now boys,
you gotta wash up for supper.
Okay. Come on, let's go count our money.
Yeah, let's go.
At last, now we get our chance to
Well, did you ever see two happier boys?
(door bangs)
That's because they think they did it themselves.
What happens when they find out you rigged it for them?
Well, I don't think there's anything so terrible
about a father who's helping his sons.
But you didn't really help them,
you just made it easy for them.
Dear, all I did was help them sell some perfume.
I didn't buy 'em a jewelry.
Do you remember how you carried on
when Tooey's talked with Coach Ian
to putting him on the baseball team?
You said you wouldn't think of doing a thing like that.
I didn't have to, Wally is a natural-born shortstop.
(audience laughing)
18,
19,
20,
21,
22
- We'll send
for our jecktor tonight.
Huh, Wally?
- Yeah.
23,
24,
$25 and 32 cents.
Wally, we sold two bottles twice.
Shouldn't we have $26?
Yeah, but I think we lost ground
every time we made change.
(audience laughing)
We better only send them $24.
We don't wanna mix 'em up.
- Yeah.
Boy, I can't wait until it gets here.
(bright upbeat music)
Gee dad, it's real keen.
Yeah, it's nice looking, everything.
Yup!
I unpacked it for you this morning.
I thought you'd wanna use it tonight.
What's this?
It's the reel that came with it, I think it's cowboy film.
Gee, dad, we never would have got it
if it hadn't been for you.
Well, like I said, salesmanship
and perseverance do pay off.
Right dear?
- Right dear.
Well, I've got little work to do now.
Why don't you boys set this up in your room?
Your mother and I will be your first customers.
Okay, dad.
We'll take it upstairs, mom.
Well, here, let me put it back in the box,
you might drop it.
- Okay.
Maybe it goes the other way.
Try it side wise. (Audience laughing)
Won't go that way either.
This is funny.
Hey, maybe it came all apart and dad set it up.
Yes, I really think your father set it up, all right.
(audience laughing)
Huh?
Look, you boys run along upstairs.
I have something I wanna take care of.
- Okay, mom.
- Okay, mom.
Oh, boys are gonna have a lot of fun
with that projector, huh?
Might even make some money with it.
What's the matter?
Ward, where is the projector that came in this box?
The projector?
Well, you saw the projector, it's out in the kitchen,
that thing with the reels and the lens on it.
I said, where is the projector that came in this box
from the Mason Acme Products Company?
Dear, you're repeating yourself.
That's a bad habit to get into.
And I'll go right on repeating myself
until I get a straight answer.
(clears throat) Well, in that case
(audience laughing)
This is what they sent the boys?
Mm-hmm.
If you turn the crank and squinch just right,
I believe you can see Happy Hooligan.
(audience laughing)
So you went out and bought them a brand new projector?
Well, when I saw this, I (sad mellow music)
I remembered when I was a kid,
I sent away for a authentic flying model
of Admiral Byrd's tri-motored airplane for $2.98.
It turned out to be a cardboard glider,
you launched it with a rubber band.
A real model airplane?
Well, no, but looking back I'd have
given anything if he had.
(sad mellow music)
Oh honey, I still think what you did was wrong,
but I think you did in the rightest way I've ever seen.
(Ward laughs lightly) (June kisses Ward)
Boy, it sure is a keen jecktor, isn't it Wally?
Yeah.
I bet it's worth around $30.
But we only sent 'em 24.
That's what I mean.
How could they do it?
I don't think they did.
This isn't a Screenmaster and it doesn't even
look like the picture.
Wally, we haven't been tooken, have we?
(audience laughing)
- No.
They didn't send us this projector.
But then, who?
You think dad?
I'm pretty sure so.
Gee, then we better thank him.
That'd be the polite thing to do.
No, I think this is one of the times
dad wouldn't want us to be polite.
(mellow music)
(upbeat playful music)
(door bangs)
Where are the boys?
Out in the garage showing another movie.
You know they've made six dollars this week already
in that projector.
What's that?
- It's a package.
To Mrs. Wallace and Theodore Cleaver
from the Big Bear Novelty Company.
Oh Ward, they've sent for something else.
We can't go through that again.
Let's just throw it away and pretend it never came.
(audience laughing)
- No.
Maybe we better open it first.
Okay, but I'll open it first then throw it away
and pretend it never came. (Audience laughing)
Ward, I hope we haven't started something we can't stop.
Dad, thanks for everything, Wally and Beaver, your sons.
(sad mellow music)
Oh Ward.
Ward, it's lovely.
Yeah.
Souvenir of Atlantic City.
Where are we gonna put it?
Well, we're gonna put it right on the mantle.
(bright playful music)
(lively upbeat music)
(dramatic music)