Level Up (2012) s01e12 Episode Script

[sighs]
Right.
All right. Meeting
in a janitor's closet.
Just another perk
of saving this town
on a daily basis.
Yeah, it's like the bat cave,
but instead of cool computers,
we got sawdust
to soak up vomit.
Don't underestimate the power
of vomit sawdust.
They served pizza burgers
for lunch.
- [laughs]
- Yeah.
[chuckling]
Well, okay.
- Lyle, can we see that?
- Right, I tracked this down
on the way to school.
- Definitely leaked
from the game.
- Yeah, with this iron work,
no doubt the craftsmanship
of the dwarves of Kajackisham.
Plus, it says
"Made in Kajackisham."
I got two more of these
in the trunk of my car.
-I've got a couple in my locker.
-And I've got two.
Which makes several?
Looks to me
like a puzzle quest
is leaking out IRL.
Got a bad feeling that
a horrible creature is coming,
and we're gonna need
whatever these make
to defeat it.
Let's call Max!
He programmed
Conqueror of All Worlds.
- He'll know what's up, right?
- No.
Yeah. We'll just call Max.
Wait. That's a good idea.
- What?
- It is.
Congratulations, Dante.
Your first good idea.
It's a moment worth documenting.
My mom's gonna want to see this.
Hey. This is my office!
How 'bout y'all show
a little respect?
Triple cheez-os?
Oh, I can never stay mad
at you guys!
Come here!
[Dante laughs uncomfortably]
[camera clicks]
Hey, uh, Angie, could I
talk to you for a sec?
No posed shots today, Gus.
But wear your favorite shirt
every day!
And maybe, just maybe,
it'll make it
into the yearbook.
All right. Also, I was
wondering if possibly,
perhaps you'd like to go
to a movie or something?
Sometime? With me?
Oh, Gus. That's really
sweet of you to ask.
[sighs]
But I have a boyfriend.
You do? Who is it?
His name is Steve Schmidt.
- He doesn't go to our school.
- Oh. Okay.
That's cool. That Steve
Schmidt's a lucky guy.
I'm a lucky girl,
because Steve Schmidt
is an awesome dude.
He must be.
[whispers]
You can go to class now, Gus.
So, Angie, since when
do you have a boyfriend?
Since never.
I made up Steve Schmidt
as a way to nicely say no
to the guys
that I don't want
to go out with.
So Steve Schmidt
doesn't exist.
Steve Schmidt is as real
as the report card
you showed your mom.
[laughing]
That wasn't real at--
Oh! Oh, I get it!
That's quite a victory
for you.
Score one for me.
[Wyatt] Just let me
talk to Max, okay?
What's so important?
And make it quick.
I'm getting fitted for
new torso magnets in 20.
- Mm?
- Hmm?
You wouldn't understand
because you're not
a billionaire.
Max. Seven of these pieces
leaked from the game.
We just want to know
what they make.
No idea. I subcontract out
the programming
of low-level fetch
and assemble quests
to a ten-year-old girl
in China.
And not because she's cheap,
but because she is good.
[sighs]
Sorry, Wyatt.
Guess we'll have to just let
whatever horrible creature
leaks out just
wreak havoc on the town.
I mean, it's not like anybody
here will be held personally
and legally responsible
for any damage.
All right. All right.
Maybe there's a way
I can help.
- Follow me.
- Follow you? You won't
give us a ride?
No.
What is this?
A back alley?
How's a grody back alley
going to help us?
It's not just
a grody back alley, Wyatt,
it's a grody back alley
next to a stanky building.
It's not just
a stanky building.
- Door up.
- [motor whirs, alarm sounds]
I don't know what
those pieces make,
but you can use
this place to store them,
and figure it out.
[Max]
Low-level humanoids,
welcome to a little place
I like to call the Beta House
because this is where you
keep your inventions
that are
in the beta stage, right?
This is where I keep
my beta inventions
that are in the beta stage.
My alpha inventions that
are in the beta stage
are at the mansion.
Look at those servers!
And how long has that robot
been going to town
on that treadmill?
He's not going anywhere.
- It's a treadmill.
- [laughing]
Lock up after you leave.
Or don't!
These are the beta betas.
The alpha betas
are the real gems.
What? You're giving us
the keys?
You can store and assemble
those pieces you're finding,
you can hang out whenever
you want to discuss leaks,
and do whatever
non-geniuses do.
I've got to run.
I'm late for a camel rodeo.
Dudes, do you know
what this means?
Yeah, man!
We just got a sweet HQ!
An "HQ"? So what?
We don't need an HQ,
we need
a central location
where we could store
our weapons and stuff--
or we can meet and plan--
you know, like a home base No!
A headquarters!
That's what we need.
- Dante.
- Don't Dante me.
I'm 100% right about this.
Dante. "HQ" stands for
headquarters.
I didn't know
we were talking in code.
C-057, Mississippi River,
Mississippi.
Huh?
See? Doesn't feel too good
to be left out, does it?
[Wyatt]
This place is amazing!
It's got everything we need!
Desks, chairs,
wi-fi-- This place is better
than the business center
- at the Motel Inn.
- Desks and chairs?
You're killing me
with the boring, dude.
Look at the stuff that we have
to mess around with!
Think fast!
- Caw! Caw!
- Caw! Caw!
- Caw--
- Caw!
- [clucking]
- [clucking]
- [chuckles]
- Hey, let's get the pieces
and start assembling.
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
What's the rush?
We have to build something.
Otherwise, we're not going
to be prepared to deal
with the next creature
that leaks IRL.
Okay. Listen.
You're too tight, dude!
We gotta-- We gotta
loosen you up!
I got it! Let's--
throw a party
up in this H-Q!
[chuckles]
Ha, ha, no way, Dante.
I don't host parties.
I get invited to them.
We're not going to throw
a party, okay?
We're not gonna wreck,
or expose our new HQ.
I'm ashamed of you two.
What sort of decent,
self-respecting teenage boy
gets handed the keys
to a killer pad like this
and doesn't throw a party--
What are you, a pilgrim?
Yeah, Alexis, you'd think
that a parallelogram
is different than a rhomboid,
but in fact,
a rhomboid is a type
of parallelogram!
If you want, we can
grab a "something-ccino"
one night and discuss.
But not Saturday night,
because I'll be studying
for my A.P. History test,
which is on Monday?
Yeah, I'm not
so sure I-- Dana!
- Yeah?
- Did you get
that thing I sent you?
- Mm-hmm.
- We should talk
about it, right now.
You want a real shot
at Alexis?
Run into her at a party.
You'd be loose.
You could have more game.
You'd think of something better
to hit her up about
than a rhombus.
We're not throwing a party.
Check it out!
I found another leaked piece.
I'm going to the Beta House
right after school
to start assembling.
I know we're not
throwing a party.
- But Steve Schmidt is.
- Steve Schmidt?
Oh, you gotta go
to Steve Schmidt's party.
He is so cool, he graduated
from high school
when he was 12, then graduated
from college when he was 15--
and now he's kickin' it hardcore
before he goes to med school.
- Seriously?
- Mm-hmm.
That guy's-- Wait a minute.
Steve Schmidt
is Angie's fake boyfriend.
- Steve Schmidt doesn't exist.
- Exactly!
Let me see that flyer.
- This is our HQ!
- Shh!
You can't have the made-up
Steve Schmidt host a party
at our HQ
Look at you, Wyatt.
You're an old man at 16.
I mean, have you ever
turned in an assignment late?
- Of course not.
- Have you ever borrowed
a research paper
- from the Internet?
- No. That would be cheating.
That's good to know.
That's a gray area for me.
I will not be turning
that paper in-- Hey! Hey!
Have you ever slept
buck-naked with no blanket
and the windows open
in December to catch a cold
just so you can miss school
for a Star Trekmarathon?
Why would I do that, when I
could just DVR the Star Trek?
Uhh! To miss school!
Give yourself a break, Wyatt.
Sometimes you have to take
two steps backward
to take one step forward!
You really think
Alexis will be there?
Everyone will be there.
Hey, listen. Can't assemble
pieces of Friday.
I'm going to
an off-the-chain party hosted
by the awesome Steve Schmidt.
Here's the flyer.
Time to break out
my party hoodie.
Time to stare off into
the distance with victory.
[rap]
This is
the coolest place ever.
How did Steve Schmidt get it?
I mean, he's our age.
Totally, but one time
Steve Schmidt went to Vegas,
passed himself off as 21,
and hit the poker tournament.
The dude's a straight genius
with numbers and odds, so--
of course, he won
loads of cash--
most of it's
in a Swiss bank account,
but he bought this place
to store all his stuff.
Well, none of it surprises me.
I knew Steve Schmidt
would amount to something
when I met him at camp.
You met Steve Schmidt at camp?
Oh, yeah.
He was my first kiss.
Hey! I see him over
by the chips.
I'm gonna go say hi
Man, if this were
my warehouse, I'd do exactly
what Steve Schmidt's done.
- Except with a half-pipe.
- Awesome!
You should mention that,
because Steve Schmidt told me
- that's next on his list.
- Oh, man, Steve Schmidt's
like a god!
Mm-hmm.
Hey I think I saw him
playing the Frog Cop machine.
- Is he about this tall?
- Yep.
- And his hair--
- Exactly.
- And he's wearing--
- Without a doubt, that was him.
Oh, man!
I should have said hi.
Right on. Steve Schmidt's
an approachable dude.
- What's up, Angie?
- What's weird Karl doing?
He's staring
at our leaked pieces.
I can see that.
But it's like he's in a trance.
- It's creepy!
- That's because weird Karl's
done too much sudoku.
I hear he can't even
get out of bed before
he knocks a puzzle out.
Messed with his mind, man.
Now he only thinks in patterns.
That's sad.
Brace faces, line up.
Angie!
[chuckles]
How is it even possible
that you, out of every girl
in Daventry Hills,
landed Steve Schmidt?
You know, I used
to have braces, too.
And then when the orthodontist
said I could take them off,
I got them off!
This party's dead.
Braces, out!
[laughs]
That was fun.
[sleigh bells ring]
What's up, Weird Karl?
[clears throat]
You digging the party?
Good talk.
[humming sound]
So Steve Schmidt calls,
and it's like, "Hey, Wyatt,
"let's hit up
that college lecture
on differential equations
and friction coefficients."
And I'm like, "Steve,
I don't feel right
"hogging you to myself
on Friday night, you know?
Throw a party! Share
yourself with the people!"
I like you. Who are you?
Don't answer.
I'm going to give you a name.
Just let me think
- Fun guy!
- Fun
'Cause you're a guy,
and you're fun!
Refill, Fun Guy?
Yeah, man.
Aerosol cheese.
You know it's good
'cause it comes from a can!
All right.
Seriously, that's-- Got it.
Who wants cheese? You?
- Hi, Wyatt.
- Hey! Alexis.
I hear you know
Steve Schmidt.
I more than know him,
we hang out all the time, so--
[gasps]
Buy a girl a can of soda?
- They're free.
- [giggles]
I know!
I was being cutesy-flirty.
Ohh!
Good job, then. Come on!
Let's get some crackers
for this.
See? Weird Karl's
doing something with
those pieces, man.
Wyatt would want
to know about this.
That is exactly why
we're not going to tell him.
That's my boy!
[contacts clicking,
humming]
Whoa
What are you guys doing
tomorrow night?
Well, Schmitty and I were going
to build a solar-powered bike
tomorrow night--
but if you're free
Maybe I could slot you in.
We could go see a movie.
- Or something.
- I'd love to, Wyatt!
But don't you have
to study tomorrow night
- for your AP history test?
- What? No!
No, that's the old me.
I mean, the new me
is like, dude--
Chill! Smell the roses.
[inhaling through his nose]
Or the girl's hair
that smells exactly like roses.
Tomorrow night's perfect.
What time do
you want to meet up?
How about, uh--
[cell phone ringing]
Oh, fig pudding. Gotta go.
Wait, Wyatt!
Oh, excuse me,
ladies and gents.
Schmitty needs some help
putting together
the next playlist.
Excuse me.
- We got a serious situation.
- I'll say we do.
I saw you with Alexis.
Wait, you need kissing advice?
Okay. First of all,
close your eyes,
because it creeps out a girl
when your eyeball's
a inch from hers.
Really? 'Cause I find that's
the most awesome part,
like possible
eyeball-to-eyeball contact?
That's how I'll know
when I've found the right one.
Fascinating. But not now.
Somebody assembled the pieces,
and now there's this
giant object that's glowing.
And humming!
[softly]
Oh, man. Maybe
we should have told him.
Told me what?
Weird Karl was going
all sudoku on the pieces.
Come on, guys. Why wouldn't
you tell me that
someone was making a monster
magnet right here at our HQ?
- [phone chirps]
- Oh, okay! Okay! The leak
is almost here! We gotta
get everybody out!
- What, now?
- Yes! Now!
Chill, Wyatt. I got this.
- I got it.
- Come on.
- Listen up!
- [music, shouting, laughing]
- Listen up, everybody!
- [needle scraping record]
Just a heads up:
Fire!
It's okay. Steve Schmidt told me
this place was fire retardant.
- Fire!
- Retardant!
[chanting]
Fire retardant
Fire retardant
Fire retardant
Fire retardant
No one's leaving. And look.
The leak is on this block.
All right.
Desperate times, dudes.
Wizza's gonna have to
break out a little bit
of his magic.
Let 'er rip.
Skedaddle-dactyl!
Yo, the robot's
doing the Dinosaur!
Hey, let's make the dinosaur
do the Robot!
- Yes!
- It's easy.
What? Are you kidding me?
Wait. Wait, what
are we going to do?
- The leak thing's almost here.
- Stand back, Angie.
You're about to see
something ugly.
[whirring, banging]
Hey, girls and boys!
I hear there's a party goin' on!
[laughing]
Let's all circle up,
so I can make everyone
some balloon animals.
This is not going to be
like my 10th birthday party
all over again!
I said circle up! NOW!
- [all screaming]
- [clown laughing]
Oh, look. A tiny car with
a bunch of your friends in it.
Huh?
[laughing]
What a clown!
[phone beeping]
Totally saved the day.
It was a miracle.
You didn't save anything! The
leak is right outside the door!
Just grab the--
the thingamathing.
[Angie]
What is that?
- I have no idea.
- No. I think
it's a magic window.
We can hide behind it!
- What are you guys doing?
- Hiding from the thing
you're hiding behind.
Hold on.
Oh, this is gonna be bad!
[jazz trumpet]
Greetings and salutations.
You have completed
Prince Aerospin's Fetch Quest
and have assembled
the Button of Kajackisham!
What the
Well earned, brethren!
Well earned!
[trumpet blast]
- Whoa!
- What just happened?
We just unlocked
our first achievement trophy.
- I.R.L.
- [laughing]
That's cool.
Even cooler, now we have
a place to show it off.
Just another beni
of having an HQ.
That's code for headquarters.
Well, this is code
for walking away.
Well, at least we got
to have an awesome party.
Ended a little earlier
than I wanted, but that
won't happen next time.
Um, next time? No, there's
not gonna be a "next time."
We just risked exposing
our secret lives.
No, you know, Dante's right.
I'm glad we had a party.
But with a great HQ
comes great responsibility.
Wait. You're glad
we had a party?
Yeah, you guys are right.
I am too tight.
I need to have more fun.
If we hadn't have thrown
that party, I wouldn't have come
this close to locking down
a date with Alexis.
- Hey, you still can, dude.
- No, I think that ship is sunk.
Besides, she was only
interested in me
because she thought I was
friends with Steve Schmidt.
But you still are friends
with Steve Schmidt.
Yeah, I'm not breaking up with
Steve Schmidt any time soon.
He's have, like, ten girls
lined up to date him.
True. We may never host
a party here again,
but I have a feeling
we haven't heard the last
of our dear friend,
Steve Schmidt.
To Steve Schmidt!
- Laundry day, or Career Day?
- Neither!
Reggie's paying me money
to scare him until he gets
over his clown fear.
Oh, so Career Day.
I can hope.
- [exhales]
- [beeping horn]
I'm comin', Reggie!
Dry those tears, man!