Mr. D (2012) s01e12 Episode Script

1
- Hi Trudy.
- Hi Angela. Did he forget
- his lunch again?
- He did. I told him I'd
bring it and to meet
me at the office.
Why don't you just
grab a seat over there.
- Thank you.
- Ok.
Here's those forms Trudy. Wow
- Go for it!
- Hi, have you been looked
- after?
- Yes, I have, but
- thank you.
- You're welcome.
You're all so friendly here.
Oh.
- I think she likes you.
- Go talk to her?
- Go for it!
- Hey Gerry!
Hey Simon Simon: Hey mom.
Hi sweetie. Here's your lunch.
Thanks mom, see ya. Bye, Gerry.
- See ya Simon.
- Maybe I'll see you again
sometime.
Never.
I was just thinking stuff
about Simon's mom I didn't
Don't. Don't tell me
what you were thinking.
Wow, that's embarrassing.
No, I couldn't.
Forget it. I'd be his father.
Why would you not
I told you to put Mr. D at the
bottom.
Then people would thing it was
- boxing Mr. Dwyer.
- No, they wouldn't.
Gentlemen! There's a lot
of buzz about this charity
- boxing match you got goin' on.
- Pretty exciting. How's
- your cartoon thingy?
- Definitely not as
- big as this man.
- Well, you're doin
- somethin' though, that's great.
- You should draw a
caricature of me
pulverizing Gerry.
- Simon.
- You think so?
We've gone through this
many times, we are staging this
fight. 'K? It's not real, cause
if it's real and I try I'm
- gonna hurt you.
- I'm not so sure about
- that to be honest.
- Have you ever been in a
- fight Simon?
- No.
I have. Punched in the face?
No Gerry: I have. That's why we're
- staging it.
- Look, any help you need
let me know, Champ, I gotcha.
See what he's trying to do there?
- He hurt your shoulder?
- No he didn't hurt anything
he's trying to get involved
with this so that he can
take some credit for the biggest
event ever at this school.
- I'm not stupid.
- Yeah, and we're going to
make way more money than that guy.
Not we, me. This is my
event. I don't mind you being
- part of it but I did it.
- Yeah, but without me,
this event doesn't exist. You
don't scare me Mr. Duncan, I've
got moves you've never seen.
Come at cha from the front
bop around like a kangaroo. Walk
away Mr. Duncan, you can't
escape your fate.
Dennis, don't do
that with your face Hey, is
that the new video game
"Confiscators"? Don't mind if I
- do.
- Hey, Robert.
Ms. Mason
Lisa: Hey, is this your phone?
- I found it in the parking lot.
- Yes, thank you!
- No problem.
- This has been happening
so much lately. I have
to get a new belt clip.
- It keeps falling off.
- Yeah, I hate being
- without my phone, it's awful.
- I don't think you
understand. I haaate not having
my phone. It makes me feel like
I have these bumblebees of worry
Lisa: Oh, ouch. So, uh when did
- you lose it?
- Yesterday afternoon.
Oh Robert: Zero missed calls,
that's good. Zero text messages
and friend requests, nil.
Oh, well you didn't miss anything.
Release the bees,
stinging you with thanks.
Bzz, bzz, bzz, bzzzz
Lisa: Oh, ok wow.
How did a mosquito get in there?
Yup.
- Which way ya walkin'?
- Um I'm going the other way.
- That's where I'm going.
- Ok, great, let's
- Bzz.
- Ok.
No, please, have a seat.
No, no, no, no, no,
not so fast Mr. Duncan.
You need to be singled out,
for special praise.
In all the years we've been
doing this, your boxing event
has raised THE most
money for Parkinson's.
As an avid boxing fan myself
I tell ya, I am so excited that.
Xavier's gonna be hosting it's
first charity boxing event.
- So proud of you.
- Thank you.
Fantastic. Very impressive.
- Thank you.
- Oh, listen, could you
and Mr. Hunt drop by the office
afterwards? After class?
- We'll talk over a few things.
- Yes.
Ok great. Alright, teach hard.
- Teach hard.
- Carry on.
Did you guys hear all that?
Sir, you got called
to the Principal's office.
- Nope, get out.
- What?
Jimmy, you're not
ruining this moment. Buh bye.
New rule, you say
something stupid, you will leave
- class.
- Where would we go?
- Don't know, don't care.
- What if something
- happens? You'd be responsible.
- Get out.
- Seriously?
- Seriously. Not raining on
my parade right now, nobody is.
How many of you have had the
principal say he's proud of you?
No, ok. Rhetorical.
Just give me a minute
here to get organized.
Gentlemen, we're
getting some local press
interest in this thing. So I
thought I'd teach you
a few things to help
it make it look a bit
- more real, know what I mean?
- Can we make
- it so that I win?
- No we cannot Simon.
- Why not?
- I don't think that
would be very believable Simon,
you're such a thin little guy.
You look sick all the time.
Ok, yeah I got
asthma, allergies. Sure, I
- understand. Thank you.
- Ok, Simon, stand up.
Do you want Gerry to stand up too?
That's ok, just
you and me. Put these on.
Now, just because this
is a charity match doesn't mean
we can't put a little pepper in
- those punches. Alright?
- These things are heavy.
- Pay attention.
- Alright, now I'm
gonna throw a punch, you're
gonna block it with your hands,
very important your
first line of defense, your
- hands for your face alright?
- Ok
I'm gonna throw a
punch, you're gonna block it
- with your left hand alright?
- Ahhhhh.
Come on you gotta be kidding.
- I barely touched the guy.
- Gerry, call my mom.
- Oh boy.
- Do you know his mom?
You don't have to buy me
any more apples ok, alright?
Now go.
I'm allergic to them. Okay.
There she is again.
Being helpful, as always.
- That's my job.
- I got a hilarious email
forward this morning cats who
bowl, I should forward it to ya.
- Oh no that's
- Got it on my phone
- that you found, 'member?
- Yeah, yeah this morning.
Better yet, why don't I
just print off a hard copy and
I'll give it to you at lunch in
my office tomorrow.
Oh, I've got a tutorial so
12:05, perfect. I'll
see you then. I might have been
the one who lost my phone but
you were the one that answered
the call of friendship.
- Oh, it's yeah
- Brrring
Brrring hello?
Is my friend there?
Yes she is just a minute
let me put her on.
- Do you have a second?
- Oh, sure. Hello?
- Yeah it's Lisa.
- No there's no one there.
- It's just, end call.
- You don't have to hang
- up, it's not even a real call.
- Ok, see ya tomorrow, ok.
- 12:05.
- Ok, alright.
- Ah, there you are.
- Hey, how is he?
It's not good. His jaw.
Ok, I'll just punch
him right in there.
Well he can't fight.
Yeah, I won't hit him
in the face sir,
I'll just go right, I'll just
hit him everything right
Nooo, you have to
get somebody else.
Are you serious?
Yeah, he wasn't
the fighting type anyway.
Yeah, that's my point.
That's what I liked about it.
- Gerry!
- Morning Jeff.
Hey, ah heard you're
looking for an opponent
- for the big fight.
- Yeah, Simon got hurt.
Yeah, I mean I'd love to help out.
- Nah, that wouldn't work.
- I think it'd be awesome, I
just want to get in the ring and
you know, make some money for
- charity. I think it'd be good.
- Ah yeah listen Mr. Lemire
it would be really confusing for
everybody cause they already
think we're the same person
walking around and if I fought
you in the ring, it's gonna feel
like the same person fighting.
They're not gonna know
who to cheer it just
Gerry I don't think a lot
of people think we look alike.
Yeah, really they do, you
don't know because you probably
think they're talking about me.
But thank you, it's really nice
- of ya, ok? Alright?
- Yeah, ok.
That shirt's small,
a little tight.
- Athletic fit I guess.
- Yeah, mine's same build
underneath but a little
less revealing.
- It's too much? Yeah.
- A little bit.
- What are ya drinking?
- Oh it's wheatgrass.
- Wheatgrass?
- Yeah give ya a boost.
- You should have some.
- Mmm coffee, sugar,
glycolysis you should know that
ok? Grass is for cows, alright?
Gotta get a bigger shirt Jeff
'k? This isn't a fashion show.
- Lisa.
- Hi.
- I can call you that here.
- Oh
- Safe place.
- Thanks.
- Who's that?
- Oh, that's a substitute
teacher, here to make sure this
just stays a professional lunch
between friends.
No monkey business.
- Sorry?
- She could act as my
legal witness in a court of law
in the event you were to charge
- me with any type of harassment.
- Ok, this is a little uh
Well no, you can't be
too careful now a days. So as
long as you're ok with a "mange
a trois" as the French say.
- Sorry?
- I just wanted to take
this opportunity again to thank
you for finding my phone.
I'm one of those people who
feels you can never say
- thanks enough.
- No, no I think you can say
thanks enough. I feel
really, really thanked.
I haven't thanked you
in your mouth with food
- with food.
- Yeah.
I haven't thanked
you there. I think
that's the nicest way you can
say thanks to someone.
Yay.
- That's our food.
- Ok.
Garçon Lisa: Thank you.
Grilled cheese from the
cafeteria, did you want any?
She's fine.
Alan your heart will be
fine. I'll do all the work. We
just have to dance around a
little, couple shots right here.
Duncan, did you find
a new opponent yet?
- Alan?
- No.
Thanks that's pathetic. No, sir.
Great news! Paul
Dwyer's agreed to fight you, he
used to box when he was a kid so
he knows just what he's doing.
Ok, we're not really the
same weight, so that's gonna
Gerry, come on
man, I'm a buck eighty.
One eighty-four, ah too bad.
Look, kids are gonna
love it, it's for a charity,
it's gonna be fun.
Alright, we talk later.
It's gonna be great!
They, they changed the posters
for us and everything, no extra
charge. It's gonna be fantastic.
It's already you've
already done posters? So it's
- already happening?
- Yeah
- I'm gung ho.
- You good?
Yeah Callaghan: Alright.
- Does he know it's staged?
- Yeah, I think ok?
- Yeah, good, thank you sir.
- Alright, good stuff.
Ka'bah Sanctuary at
Mecca? Nobody remembers what?
- Sheila?
- Sir, are you scared to
- fight Mr. D?
- First of all, we're not
talking about that, I'm not
fighting Mr. Dwyer. I am boxing.
- Ok? Big difference.
- But are you scared sir?
Why would I be scared Lori?
People are just saying
maybe you are scared.
Well people are wrong ok?
Have you asked Mr. Dwyer if he's
scared? Cause I heard he's a
little bit scared right now.
I haven't heard that
sir, he doesn't seem
- worried about you.
- Well, he should. Can we
get back to this please? Sheila?
Ka'bah Sanctuary at Mecca.
Nobody knows? We've talked
about this for two days.
It is a sacred place for Muslims.
You wrote "scared"
on the board sir.
So it's a "scary"
or "sacred" place.
Ok? Ok Lori? Thank you.
Hey, Gerry, do you
wanna ah help out with the
- charity day dunk tank?
- Oh, you know I can't
- do that cause I'm boxing Dwyer.
- Oh, you're still
- gonna go through with that? Wow.
- Wow? What is wow?
Well, I mean Dwyer's the
nicest guy I know, but
I'd be worried if I were you.
It could get ugly in there.
What are you talking
about gonna get ugly?
He knows it's staged. He
knows it's for the kids.
He's been boxing all
his life, he's really good.
And, he doesn't like you
cause of how you've
- treated him this year so.
- What are you talking
- about? The way I've treated him?
- I overheard him saying
that he was going to destroy you
Gerry: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
It's probably just trash talk.
Yes! Yeah, yeah
Bobbi: Probably make breaking
- your nose look like an accident.
- You're messing with me.
You're messing with me. Yeah
just messing with ya
- Mmm that's funny.
- Yeah or am I?
- Be careful.
- What? Bobbi?
- Trudy. I need your help.
- Oh ok dear,
- what's going on?
- Robert is driving me nuts.
Big surprise there. Shocked.
- What's he getting up to?
- Ok, yesterday I found his
phone and now it's like we're
best friends or something and
he keeps popping up everywhere,
and and he does this thing with
- the bees and like ya know?
- Oh yeah.
And he's just being nice
and he's trying to make a
friend but he's really kind of
freaking me out here. Oh my God.
Listen, don't you worry.
I'm gonna take care of this ok?
- ROBERT!!
- Ok, what are you doing?
Quit trying to be
friends with Lisa, you're
creeping her out.
- Trudy!
- Oh, you are very welcome.
- Anything else dear?
- No.
Ok, you have a one honey.
- This was a bad idea.
- I thought it was like
- a fun charity match.
- Yeah, it's supposed to
be but this guy's apparently
taking it seriously and he's
You gotta watch "Rocky"
that's what you gotta do.
Oh yeah ok, I'll just go
watch "Rocky" a couple times.
It'll like build up your,
you know, your enthusiasm,
- like technique and stuff.
- And "Bullwinkle"?
- See that too?
- Don't even worry man, I've
been in a ton of fights.
You gotta come out,
- strong offense, best defense.
- You told me you were
- in two fights in grade school.
- Yeah, I'm 2 and 0.
- Perfect you extrapolate that.
- Yeah ok, I gotta
- come out first, fast.
- You need to just come out
- fast and hard man.
- Throw the first punch.
Throw the first punch.
You want to be the sucker,
- not the suckee.
- Be the sucker, not the suckee.
You're like a jungle
cat. Just come out,
- you know what I mean?
- Bam, bam, bam, boom.
Come out with like strength
Gerry: Don't even wait don't
- even for him. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Yeah you got this.
You could be my corner man.
- I'll be your corner man.
- Yeah.
This is gonna be the best.
We could get jackets. Right.
Now we're talking.
Yeah, I think he fought
- a lot so as a kid.
- I don't see that going well.
- It'll be fine.
- I thought it was two
teachers just messing around
like a guy like that, he could
break your jaw without even
trying man, that's for real.
- Ok, just see ya later, go.
- I'm just saying,
you could get hurt, you need
to know how to protect
your head. I think you
should watch "Rocky".
- See ya, yeah
- Watch all of it.
Yeah, ok.
- Hi, Robert.
- Ms. Mason.
Hi, I am so sorry about yesterday.
Oh, cause you punched me
in the feelings? Yeah don't
worry about it. I'm well aware
of what my flaws are. I know
what my shortcomings are, I come
on a little strong and push
people away. It's not the first
emotional rodeo for this cowboy.
Sometimes when you fly close to
the friend sun, you're gonna get
burnt huh? That's what
happened, no biggie.
Oh, but Robert, I do like you.
It doesn't matter, I
like me. I'm friends with me.
Maybe I wish they made bandaids
for the inside right now,
- but they don't.
- Okay.
No.
Ladies and gentlemen,
boys and girls
good afternoon, and welcome
to the first ever charity day
boxing match at Xavier Academy.
This is for real. Nice.
- What do you got on your face?
- Vaseline it deflects the
- punches.
- Right. Nice robe.
Hotel, Niagara Falls,
remember that?
Oh right. Where those
girls were in the hot tub.
Yeah Ok, easy Bill.
There's kids around.
There's the rope, get the rope
for me, that's what you do.
- Oh, okay.
- You're supposed to hold
- it down like this.
- We should have been doing
- a training montage.
- This thing's tight on my
face, it's too tight.
Take my mouthguard out.
I'm not going to put my
fingers in your mouth.
It's gross. Live with it.
Oh here I go!
Why does he get music
and I don't get music?
What's he doing?
Hey Paul, what're ya doin'?
- Why y'all serious?
- Is he a real boxer?
What are you doing Paul?
Hey Paul, why ya don't ya relax.
- Just get ready!
- Where's his head gear?
- Ya gotta get pumped up man.
- Stop doin' that. You're
- tiring me out, stop that.
- Gerry did a great job man.
- Kids are gonna love this.
- Yeah, he did.
Why's he wearing all that
protective gear? He knows
- this isn't real right?
- It's for charity Paul!
- He's pretty ripped.
- Oh my god.
Staged, all staged.
Check out the stare down we
gonna do the kids are
gonna love this, look at this.
In the blue corner, Mr. Dwyer!
Relax everybody, relax.
Everybody just calm down.
And in the red corner, Mr. Duncan!
Not Mr. Duncan, Mr. D!
Put your hands up.
Who got the bigger applause?
I don't think you need to
worry about applause right now.
Ya gotta are you going
to take your shirt off too?
- No.
- No, that's a good idea.
- Okay, don't!
- He's doin' that thing
- with his pecks.
- Ok, stop. Just shut up.
Alright gentlemen,
come to the centre please.
Why ya so serious?
We're just having fun right?
Relax! Jeff, why ya doin' that?
It's just for fun buddy.
Alright gentlemen.
Let's keep it clean. Let's try
and make it last at least one
round. Give the crowd a show.
- Alright?
- Okay, okay.
Protect yourselves
at all times. Touch gloves.
Okay, let's have fun
Paul. He won't even answer me.
What are you texting? That's
great Bill. I'm about to fight
Muhammed Ali right now and
you're texting somebody?
Put the phone away and stop
texting some broad right now!
- I'm super into this.
- Unbelievable!
- There's a bucket for that.
- I can't even spit!
- Put the phone away!!
- I'm almost done.
Throw me the towel!
That's a red towel! Why would
- you bring a red towel.
- Ok, I'll throw it to you,
- you'll be fine.
- Ok, what do I do?
No, focus, one shot. Just,
you don't have a chance.
He's in way better shape than
you. You're gonna die! Get him.
Go!
- Woohoo! Whoo!
- He's an animal.
- Count sir. Whoo!
- What a shot.
- Mr. D! Mr. D. Whoo!
- Call an ambulance.
- Uh-oh! Hang on.
- Wake up Paul.
- It was supposed to be staged.
- He came at me sir.
Paul, Paul? Are you ok? Paul?
- You sucker punched him.
- The bell rang.
What was he looking at?
- He's dead.
- He's not dead.
No, he's dead.
I've seen dead people.
Paul, stop foolin' around.
It's Mr. D. The new Mr. D.
Don't say anything if I'm Mr. D.
If I'm Mr D, don't say anything.
- Go to your corner.
- Make sure he knows I'm
Mr. D, 'cause he might not hear
me with the mouth guard.
- I'll tell him.
- You're dropping spit on his arm.
I'm Mr. D now kids.
- That was awesome.
- I know, it
- was unbelievable.
- Oh my god. You're a hero.
Yeah!
Alright I'll be back to
school in no time fellas.
- See ya Mr. D.
- Alright.
Wow, ya came to finish him off?
- Look at you man.
- That's quite a punch
Mr. Duncan. I wasn't
expecting all that.
I didn't expect the hood
and the glasses and robe and the
- serious look on your face.
- It's supposed to be a
- for the kids, come on man.
- Yeah, freaked me out a
little bit, thought you
were mad at me. That's why
Why would I be mad at you?
I don't know people
were telling me you were mad
and you were gonna
knock me out and all this
so I, I just came out all
intense, you're Mr. D, I'm Mr. D
- I was
- Let that go man, you
- gotta let that go, let it go.
- I know, I know.
Let it go kids are gonna
call you what they gonna call you.
- Two Mr. D's in the same school, so what?
- You got it my man.
Ok, Mr. D, Mr. D
cause you're in here, see
- this is how I let it go.
- This is my card.
I know, is it? Or is it
for winning? I don't know.
- Get some rest.
- Ok, speaking of rest, I
was wondering if you could
you could stay awhile?
I got a couple minutes,
I got a couple minutes.
I'm not supposed to
sleep, it's a precaution, 'cause
of my concussion.
It would mean a lot to me.
Ok, I can.
Let's go, wake up, wake up.
- When did I fall asleep?
- As soon as you sat down.
I had to keep myself up,
so I wouldn't die!
- That's a bit dramatic.
- Yeah, anyway thanks for
- staying with me.
- Yeah.
You know we're gonna have
to do this again next year
- right?
- Yeah.
Except this time for real.
You're messing with me.