The Troop (2009) s01e12 Episode Script

Jake Again, I think
your hair looks great.
Hayley Well, you know what?
You wouldn't understand
because you have a bad
hair day everyday.
Girls!
[fizzle]
[monster gurgles]
[emergency warning tones]
Are you still talking
about my hair?
Circle around.
[emergency warning tones]
[monster gurgles]
[pop, zap]
[bing bing]
Sorry.
[monster gurgles]
[emergency warning tones]
[emergency warning tones]
Stockley You kids,
stop this right now!
[monster gurgles]
What is going on here?
Well, ah,
the monster escaped
Stockley Please,
and take that thing off.
Look at this mess.
What do you have
to say for yourself?
They made me do it.
[gurgles]
You guys can't just keep
playing 'catch 'n capture'
with the monsters.
Especially you, Jake.
Now you owe me two Troop
reports, ten pages each.
Jake That won't be that hard.
Title page doesn't count.
Aw, man.
Mr. Stockley, we were just
trying have a little bit of fun.
Well, it's all well and good
till a Cyclops loses an eye.
Now you guys get to work
cleaning this place up.
Felix Yes, sir.
Stockley Oh no!
My World's Greatest
Troop Leader mug.
I don't even like coffee.
I drink out of it
four times a day
just to show it off.
Why don't you drink tea?
Jake, it's a coffee mug.
Well, you guys better be on
better behaviour tomorrow.
I'm finally going to the
dentist to have a tooth pulled.
Your dentist got
his license back?
Nope.
But I did find this
underneath my windshield
wiper this morning.
Rust-Proofing?
And discount dental services.
Lucky day or what?
Anyway, you guys are going to
have a substitute Troop leader.
Her name is Bianca Stonehouse.
Felix Aaaaa!
Wait.
The Bianca Stonehouse?
That's right.
Hayley Aaaa!
Jake Is she famous?
Hayley She is a legend.
When she was in The Troop,
she was known as the toughest,
bravest monster
fighter of all times.
Everyone had the Bianca
Stonehouse hair cut.
It was not a
good look for guys.
Hayley There's even
a maneuver named after her
- The Stonehouse kick.
It's where you kick a monster
in the face, like this.
[whack, crash]
[murmur of students]
Jake Can't wait to meet
this Bianca Stonehouse.
She sounds incredible.
Felix Bianca specialized in
the most dangerous creatures.
Jake Isn't 'Man' the
most dangerous creature?
Felix That hasn't been
true since werewolves
started riding sharks.
Hayley Bianca is a superstar
but try to be professional.
I'm sure she wants to be treated
just like an ordinary person.
Hi.
I'm Bianca Stonehouse.
[sputters with laughter
and mumbles]
And I am Felix Garcia.
We've never met.
I'm a big fan.
And you and I have the same IQ.
Do you know how often
I get to say that? Never.
It's so wonderful
to meet you at last.
And you must be the lovely
and effervescent Hayley.
Your favourite drink
is smoothies. Ha ha ha!
Charmed.
And you areJake.
I understand that you'll
bedetails coming.
Felix Bianca, could you tell
us about the time you were
fighting a monster and you
couldn't find your blaster
so you invented the
Stonehouse kick?
Great story.
I was fighting this monster.
So I invented the
Stonehouse kick.
No!
[laughter]
So ah, what kind of monster?
We can tell stories all day,
but right now we've
got work to do.
My methods may seem a little
unusual but like the Stonehouse
kick, they're effective.
Questions?
Hayley Um
Can we be friends?
And/or can I justtell
people we are friends?
We're friends already.
Aaaa.
Eeee.
Yeah!
Bianca Is this the main
holding area for this facility?
Jake Yes, we're
directly under the gym.
[poof, snarl]
The monsters get a little touchy
during basketball season
but otherwise they're fine.
So how good is
your security system?
[monster growls]
Hayley Top notch.
State of the art.
Is it true that you
guys also have a Locht?
He's in isolation
on the lowest level,
that's the most secure.
And I assume he's being
monitored at all times.
Jake Yes.
[computer beeps]
Jake You seem awfully
interested in the Locht.
I have a lot
of interests, Jake.
Calligraphy, jazz-fusion
and yes, Lochts.
The Locht is the most cunning
and dangerous of creatures.
I lost a whole Troop to a Locht.
I will not lose another.
Okay, let's get started
on some choirs, hm?
Got one!
Bianca I want each of
you to dig up 20 more worms.
Jake We usually get
our worms from Maxi-Mart.
Finding worms will
improve your instincts,
make you a better Troop member.
Buy a man a worm, next
day he needs more worms.
Teach a man to dig for worms,
he gets
tons more worms.
Isn't she great?
I think we might have
a serious problem here.
Jake, I haven't taken a
medical day in the 22 years
of my education career and I'm
trying to make the most of every
precious moment so this
better be important.
Bianca Stonehouse is
asking strange questions
and making us do weird stuff.
You need to take
a step back here.
Now you're vulnerable to
a condition that affects
all new Troopers.
The stress of the job
makes them paranoid.
Any little thing can set them
off and before you know it,
they're running down
the street naked,
attacking old people
and street signs,
ruining their reputation
for the rest of their lives.
Jake What's it called?
Stockley Syndrome.
Because you discovered it?
In a way.
Okay, Stockley
Syndrome aside,
what make you so sure I can
trust Bianca Stonehouse?
I know her very well.
There's no one more dedicated
to The Troop than
Bianca Stonehouse.
Now she was in The Troop at
the same time as her brother
Archer Stonehouse.
Archer got attacked by a monster
and was badly hurt.
It put him in a wheelchair.
Oh no.
That's terrible.
And from that
day forward, Jake,
she turned herself into a total
monster-fighting machine.
So believe me, if there's
anyone you can trust, it's her.
Now, may I get back to squeezing
every drop of beauty
out of this day?
[music plays]
Are you watching cartoons?
[music plays]
I gotta go.
I want you to take down
two out of every three.
You give us such interesting,
curious choirs to do.
Jake And how will this
make us better Troop members?
We're doing this to help
fight global warming
and improve our senses
in the dark.
Mr. Stockley says
your brother Archer
was in kick-boxing.
Oh yeah!
He's crazy about
kicking and boxing.
So lucky to find a sport
that combines the two.
Jake Hm.
Keep up the good work.
I'm going to go get a snack.
[burp]
Jake We've got
to do something.
Bianca Stonehouse is a monster.
You take that back!
I just saw her putting
worms in her mouth belly.
She's a Locht.
Please don't joke about
Lochts on the loose.
I know you and Bianca
don't get along but really,
you're just starting
to sound paranoid.
Jake Hah, I'm paranoid?
Hayley Mm-hm.
Lochts are shape-shifters.
This could be a Locht
shaped like Bianca Stonehouse.
Yeah.
You want to know what else is
shaped like Bianca Stonehouse?
Bianca Stonehouse.
Felix Maybe you
have Stockley Syndrome.
I had it when I first
joined The Troop.
I had to wear a lacrosse
helmet outside at night
because I thought the stars
were reading my mind.
Guys, I know
what I saw and
What is she making you do now?
We're just disassembling
all the weapons.
Don't you guys see
this is sabotage?
Hey, guys.
How's it going?
Jake Don't believe me?
Watch this!
It's a wig!
[Bianca screams]
Hayley Jake, stop it!
Jake I don't get it.
It's suppose to be a wig.
Hayley I think it's
Stockley Syndrome.
It's okay.
Jake, it's a high pressure job.
We all snap once in a while.
Some of us see monsters.
Some develop a rash.
And I shout
inappropriate things.
Bottom!
TroopGrid, bring up
all information
on Bianca Stonehouse.
[computer beeps]
Computer TroopGrid, disabled.
What's going on?
You guys were running
on old software.
Yeah, thanks to Bianca
though, we're upgrading.
Jake This is what I mean.
We have no weapons
and no TroopGrid and
I know what I saw.
She's a monster!
I'm kind of
worried about him.
Yeah, me too.
Toilet!
I'll talk to Jake.
You guys keep plugging away.
[clatter]
Stockley You know,
it's not just Sponge Bob,
the starfish is hysterical too.
Oh, I know.
He's the emotional center.
[cell phone rings]
Stockley.
You've got to come back
right away.
Bianca Stonehouse is a monster.
Stockley Quit
fooling around, Jake.
But I saw her putting
worms in her mouth belly.
Please, you've
got to believe me.
Stockley If I were you, right
now I'd write a note to myself
not to forget to wear pants.
I don't have
Stockley Syndrome and there's
a dangerous monster loose.
I talked to
Bianca last night.
And if she would have become
a monster with a mouth belly,
she would have said something.
I'll talk to you later, Jake.
Mr. Stockley
You look a little worried.
You're not here for
rust-proofing, right?
Ha ha, okay.
It's been a crazy week.
Ha ha ha, here we go!
Open wide.
Bianca I don't
think so, Jake.
I think you've bothered
poor Mr. Stockley enough.
[whoosh whoosh]
Hii-yaa!
[groan]
Sorry, Jake.
No weapons for prisoners.
[groan]
I'll take that watchcom as well.
[Jake groans]
You don't really think
I'm a monster, do you?
I know you are and
we're going to get you.
You're half right.
[sniff]
Mmmchocolate.
[gurgle]
Gross!
Ew!
I guess I'll leave you this.
If you get bored, you can read
about how we beat The Troop
the last time in 1385.
[security wall beeps]
[Jake groans]
Felix This thing is heavy.
Someone's been eating
a lot of worms.
Hey, Bianca.
Did you find Jake?
I couldn't find him.
He's obviously going through
something and he
needs his space.
Hm, been there.
Bianca For now, we've got
to get this Locht to the MUV.
[banging from container]
No offense to Stockley
but the security system failed
all the stress-tests.
That's so weird.
I mean, we just had it
inspected like what?
Three months ago.
Bianca Better
safe than sorry.
There's a reinforced
holding cell in Delaware.
[snarl]
[growl]
No getting use to that.
If he tried that on me,
he's be one sorry Locht!
Bianca All right,
that's great, Hayley.
Felix and I can
take it from here.
Why don't you head
on back to class.
Can we go out
for smoothies later?
Okay, but I'm paying.
[alarm bell]
Great.
Hah, no weapons.
[electric zaps]
Back awayfrom
the force-field.
It's me!
Jake, what are
you doing in there?
Bianca Stonehouse
locked me in.
She's a monster.
She admitted it.
She has done nothing but
help us since she got here.
She made us
destroy our weapons,
she dismantled the computer,
and she locked me in.
Where's Felix?
Hayley With Bianca.
They're moving the
Locht to Delaware.
Oh no.
[eclectic wall zaps off]
Jake Thank you.
[screeching tires]
Uh oh!
Felix.
Hayley I'm sorry I didn't
believe you, Jake,
but it was Bianca Stonehouse.
I know, but everything
she did was to help
the Locht escape.
She had you take out
the light bulbs because
they have sensitive eyes.
Then she had you break down the
weapons and disable TroopGrid.
How long till we're back online?
It'll be a couple of hours.
Man, I wish we had the real
Bianca Stonehouse here.
She knows everything
about theducklocht.
Thanks.
So our best chance
of finding Felix is to find her.
I know just where to look.
Jake Felix's life is in the
balance and we're looking for
clues behind a smoothie shop.
This is a waste of time.
Bianca Stonehouse
loves smoothies, okay.
Everyone loves smoothies.
[muffled shouts]
Aah.
Bianca Stonehouse?
Thank goodness
someone's here.
Who are you?
We're from The Troop.
Good.
I'm going to need your help.
The woman who claims to
be me is really a Locht.
We know.
We saw her.
I think she's going
to release the Locht
you have in captivity.
Right.
She already did.
So you know that this time
of year Lochts go underground
to nest with their mate?
No, we didn't know that.
I bet the female Locht
broke the other one out of jail
so they could nest together.
Must have been her boyfriend.
Exactly.
You must be Hayley,
the smart one.
And I'm Jake.
There's no time for that.
We have to go after them.
Now, the Lochts always take
a food source with them
before hibernating.
Did you notice anything
or anyone missing?
Felix.
Dentist Looks like someone's
allergic to discount anesthetic.
I guess we both learned
a valuable lesson today.
[cell phone rings]
[garbled speech]
Bianca Stonehouse
was a monster.
[garbled speech]
No, she took Felix.
And she and her boyfriend
are going to eat him.
[Stockley garbles speech]
Jake No, we don't
know where she went.
But a slime trail
lead us to this hatch.
[Stockley garbles speech]
Yeah, I love you too.
Wow.
Dentist Ah ah, wait!
We're not done.
They went this way.
Hayley Ah, I'll never
forgive myself if something
bad happens to Felix.
Jake I know.
I'll even miss his science
related rap songs.
Sixty-three moons
orbiting Jupiter
Better get it right or you're
gonna to sound stupider
[distant shout]
Jake and Hayley Felix!
Let's do this thing.
[echoing water drops]
[Hayley groans]
Thanks.
I still don't know why
we didn't use the ladder.
Bianca Because,
I'm Bianca Stonehouse.
Go in with your blaster
set to 'stun'.
Jake, you lay down some
suppressing fire while Hayley
I'm going to stop
you right there.
We don't have weapons.
Hayley That's not going
to stop Bianca Stonehouse.
I'm sure you've been in
situations like this before,
right?
There's no situation
I haven't been in, sweetheart.
There is this one time,
ah nothat's not
going to work.
Well, then there was
this one time like
Ah, do either of you
have a bear costume?
Oh boy.
Hayley That's just
her first idea.
She's just gettin' warmed up.
What else?
Do you have any costumes
at all?
Raccoon, gladiator, ghost?
Jake We don't
have any costumes.
Look, there have been
Troops around a lot longer
than there have been
blasters and watchcoms.
There must be a way to take
down these monsters old-school.
Okay, like how?
Even in Medieval times,
they knew that the Lochts have a
small soft-spot under their arm.
If you hit it just right, you
can temporally paralyze them.
Here.
You can use this as a spear.
This bone will make
a decent blow gun.
I can use rocks for ammo.
What kind of weapon do you want?
Oh, sorry.
This is as far as I can go.
Wait, you're
not coming with us?
I can't.
I'm an adult.
My time has passed.
I'd be way too scared
of something as terrifying
as the Locht.
We call them the
Troop Destroyers.
But you guys will be fine.
Felix I can't believe it.
It's about time.
How did you guys find me?
Hayley The real Bianca
Stonehouse showed up
and helped us find you.
Awesome.
Ow!
What's wrong?
I twisted my ankle when they
made me climb down that ladder.
Pays to have
taken the rope.
Felix So, how do we
take these monsters out?
Hayley's got a stick
and I've got a bone.
That's a great
idea-are you kidding me?
Why didn't you guys
make gun power?
Maybe because we don't
know how to make gun power.
Well, if you had gone to the
Civil War reenactment with me,
you'd know.
Day one - gun power,
tourniquet's, weevil removal.
Day two
[monsters growl]
Quick, Hayley, your stick!
[monster grumbles]
Well, that's just great.
I was going to
suggest jabbing it.
[phewt]
[monsters laugh]
[monster snarls]
Stockley Get away from them!
Hey, my tooth.
[thud]
Felix Mr. Stockley!
[monster grumbles]
Ahh!
[phewt]
[thwack]
[monster cries out]
[thud]
[Jake chuckles]
[other monster growls]
Ah oh!
[monster growls]
[thwack]
[Locht screams]
[dying groan]
The Stonehouse kick.
Hah!
Just like I practiced it.
[chuckles]
Felix That was sick.
Is everybody all right?
Ah, I think we're all good.
[growls]
[Stockley screams]
[thwack]
[groan]
Hayley That wasn't
really a bear, was it?
[Bianca groans]
Jake His and her cells.
That's nice.
Hayley Ah, true love.
Well, it must have been
pretty exciting to have
the real Bianca Stonehouse
as your leader, huh?
Hayley Mm, yeah.
But there's no substitute
for the real deal.
We're glad you're back.
Well, I was fishing
for that compliment
but it's nice to hear it anyway.
Oh, we have
something for you.
Ah ha ha!
You guys are the best!
If you got something busted
and you don't know what to do
Here's your old friend Felix
with a recipe for glue
[dribbles]
Is that the bell?
[dribbles]