Batman (1966) s01e13 Episode Script

Batman Another glorious morning in Gotham city.
The day people are just starting to work.
And the night people are ready to call it a day.
My super instant mesmerizer.
It never fails.
Okay, boys, carry him out.
Hey, just a minute.
That's my cap.
Take him along, too, boys.
Look, look, look, you.
What are you doing with my hat? Add him to the list.
Right.
Three more hats stolen right out from under our noses.
Not to mention their owners.
I would say a pattern is beginning to take shape.
- A pattern, sir? - A villainous pattern, indeed.
At this rate, no hat in Gotham City will be safe from Jervis Tetch.
You mean the accursed Mad Hatter is back to his fiendish practices? Who else? It was a sad day, indeed, when the word "parole" was coined.
If memory serves me, commissioner the Mad Hatter not only is a mortal enemy of Gotham City but also-- Precisely, Chief O'Hara.
The Cowled Crusader, himself was a witness at the Mad Hatter's last trial.
We have no other choice.
We need his help and now.
Let's hope to heaven we can reach him.
But can they reach him? Or are millionaire, Bruce Wayne and his youthful ward, Dick Grayson up to something else this morning in stately Wayne Manor? I'll summon him, sir.
You sent to Italy for that piece of rock? Piece of rock? Why, this is carrara marble, Dick.
Famous from antiquity and still being quarried.
Gee, carrara marble.
Uh, it's just possible this bust was sculptured by the famous Carnato himself.
Gosh, Carnato? One of the great masters.
When we have more time, I'll acquaint you with the processes of sculpturing.
It's fascinating, after which I devoted many hours of study.
I'd like to hear about it, Bruce.
Forgive me for interrupting, sir.
But it's the Bat-phone.
Hot diggity.
I'm in a quandary, Bruce.
The Gotham City gourmet society tea tasting is this afternoon.
And I don't know whether to start with oolong or pekoe.
Well, whatever decision you make, Aunt Harriet I'm sure it'll be the right one.
Uh, they just called to report they sighted a black-footed albatross at Sleighter's Slew.
And maybe a fork-tailed petrel.
A fork-tailed petrel and a black-footed albatross on the day of the tea tasting? You know how they are about their bird sighting, madam.
- Yes, commissioner? - Jervis Tetch.
The Mad Hatter is at large again.
- Him again? - We'll be right over.
To the Bat-poles.
Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Na na na na na na na Batman I couldn't agree with you more, commissioner.
It's the work of the Mad Hatter.
Nobody's safe when that human scourge prowls our streets.
It's possible he's planning to unleash a new reign of terror in our fair city.
Terrifying defenseless citizens with that super instant mesmerizer in his high hat.
That devil of a trademark.
Where will he stop? In the court of law, Chief O'Hara.
Where he's been stopped before.
Exactly.
When you testified against him in his last trial he said he'd get you, if it was the last thing he ever did.
Few men die of threats, Robin.
Commissioner Gordon.
Yes.
Right away.
He struck again.
He just stole the fire chief's hat and the fire chief from the convention hall.
- Holy helmets.
- Will you need reinforcements? Thanks, chief.
I think it's best for you and your men to stand by closely until we catch this tricky devil.
You have our gratitude.
Thank you, Commissioner Gordon.
Fighting crime deserves no gratitude.
It's my fervent that warped minds such as his can be rehabilitated once and for all.
Clear all exits for the Batmobile.
I repeat, clear all exits for the Batmobile.
But, at the same time, in this old building which doubles as a warehouse and the secret hideout for the Mad Hatter and his slippery stooges.
.
There.
Two more to go.
And the dummies of the conniving jury that convicted me will, at last, be properly topped.
- How whimsical, Jervis.
- Thank you, Lisa.
It's a pleasure to share my moments of triumph with you.
I'm supposed to be on my coffee break.
At least, that's what I told Madam Magda.
Madam Magda.
Little does she know she's to be my next victim.
Oh, how merry, Jervis.
Before we get to the next victim when do we get the next meal? Gettin' bonnets for the dummies ain't filling our stomachs.
Or our wallets.
Our wallets will be filled, boys.
As soon as I've completed the most fantastic hat snatch of my glorious career.
Batman's cowl? Precisely.
Jervis, that's positively waggish.
Waggish, maybe.
But taking on Batman's a big order, boss.
The biggest.
Not only will I add his cowl to my unique collection but I will have exposed our monstrous enemy once and for all before he meets his gory end.
You rogue.
Many others have tried killing Batman.
Many others do not have the lethal equipment of my hat factory, Dicer.
Start the motors.
Excellent for sheering rabbit fur.
Think what it would do to a man's skin.
Jervis, I don't dare.
These stretchers form felt into the shape of hat crowns.
What form would they shape a man's muscles and marrow? Mush.
Oatmeal mush.
Crown croppers.
And this, a felt shredder.
Or should I say a shredder of a chubby felt? And this for shrinking and sizing hat bodies.
But why not shrink and size the body of Batman himself? Oh, my heart leaps with joy when I think that one day my dastardly adversary may end up as a hat rim or crown.
Or even.
.
a tassel on a Tam O' Shanter.
A Tam O' Shanter.
Oh, you pixie.
Oh.
I swore vengeance when he testified against me.
And I'll get it.
I'll get it.
Of course, you will, darling.
When do we get our break? I heard that, Cappy.
Why do you think I snatched the owner of each hat the way I did? The jury is still out.
Regalez vous.
What an antique idea.
We'll reach a verdict, soon.
Two more jurors and I'll ask the biggest ransom Gotham City has ever heard of.
All of this country's presidents hats currently on loan at the Gustonian Institution.
Presidents hats? Yes, Washington's, Jefferson's Lincoln's, Grant's, worth millions.
You're a genius, Jervis.
And all topped by Batman's cowl.
Oh, don't worry boys.
It'll be top hat and tails from now on.
It may be tougher than you think, trapping the Batman in his hideout without getting the cops involved.
I've thought of that too carefully.
That's why I picked another spot.
That's where you.
.
and Madam Magda come in, Lisa.
And here's where I leave.
I can't be late for work, Jervis.
I don't want to jeopardize my job at the millinery shop.
Don't worry my dear, it'll all be so simple.
So very simple.
But what of Batman and Robin? Little realizing the enormity of the Mad Hatter's abominable schemes our dauntless duo cross questions a frightened hat check girl.
Now, perhaps if you started again, Miss.
.
Babette.
People call me Babette.
That's my name.
The robbery, the kidnapping? It all happened so quickly.
I was counting my tips.
And then, the fire chief's hat was gone? So was the fire chief, going anyway.
While that funny man flashed that funny thing in his face.
The super instant mesmerizer.
Well, it super instant-ed the fire chief, alright.
Then they carried him out.
They? There were three of them all together.
Three? Was one wearing a top hat and the others, homburgs? You must be clairvoyant or something.
And I suppose it only took a second? How did you know? How could you have guessed? We're familiar with the method of operation of this criminal.
I'm sorry I wasn't here to prevent his dastardly attack.
Well, you're here now, Batman.
Batman, your Bat-phone is buzzing.
Thank you, Miss Babette.
You've been of great assistance.
I wish there was more I could do.
Yes, Commissioner.
The Mad Hatter has been spotted again.
Outside Magda's Millinery Mason.
- 61, Gotham Lane.
- Roger.
Hat shop, 61 Gotham Lane.
Mason Magda.
Hat box for high society.
Oh, no, no, no.
I don't like it at all.
Actually, I like the one you're wearing very much better.
Oh.
.
It is from my personal wardrobe, Mrs.
Monteagle.
And not for sale.
Perhaps Lisa can find something similar.
Maybe something with a little veiling, you know.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Mrs.
Monteagle, veiling is for much older women than you.
You think so? Oh, I like that.
Oh, yes, that's the one.
Oh, it's beautiful Help! Help! Could it be, they're too late again? The Mad Hatter has heisted his eleventh head piece? And his eleventh juror? And made his escape under the very noses of the Dynamic Duo? Oh, Batman, am I glad to see you.
- I'm Hermione Monteagle.
- How do you do? There's been a kidnapping and a hat-napping both right in this place, right now.
Alarming, indeed.
And poor Madam Magda.
They stole her, right under my very eyes.
Oh, I don't know what the world's coming to.
My, I simply love that cowl.
I'm sure the communists had something to do with this.
I suspect the culprit can be found closer to home.
Hermione.
Excuse me.
The kidnapper dropped this as he was leaving.
Perhaps it may be of some help.
Clues are always helpful.
Octave Marbot, sculptor.
This is odd.
It requires further thought and study.
We must reappraise this situation.
Gosh, Batman, sure.
I'll report this to the authorities.
I trust that Madam Magda's abductors will be apprehended before further harm befalls her.
Or her hat.
Oh, I loved her hat.
And that divine cowl.
I wonder if it comes in any other color.
I know Octave Marbot.
I'm sitting for a statue he's making of me.
Statue? Holy happenstance.
Yes, Warden Crichton requested it to exhibit at a Gotham State Prison to help inspire the convicts in his rehabilitation program.
Gosh, Batman, that's a great idea.
But why would the Mad Hatter drop this card in Madam Magda's shop? He could be taunting us with a clue.
Perhaps the edge lighted, loose sight map of Gotham City will tell us some more.
Now, he's been striking all over the city.
Madam Magda's millinery mason.
The silver shop which is here.
Convention hall.
Gotham sporting goods, over here.
The hotel, where he stole the chef's hat.
And the chef.
Exactly, Robin.
There is a pattern.
And Marbot's studio is the topper.
Robin, I suggest we pay a call on Monsieur Marbot.
A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.
I couldn't have stated it better myself, old chum.
Can it be possible Batman has fallen for this ruse? And what about Octave Marbot himself? Is he an innocent sculptor? Or a part of this evil scheme? Better activate the anti-theft device, Robin.
'Gosh, yes, Batman.
' Commissioner Gordon says there's been a rash of car thefts.
Oh, mon'amie, Batman and the Boy Wonder.
To what do I owe the honor of this visit? You have come back for your next sitting? There's no time for posing today, Monsieur Marbot.
We're here on a matter of grave urgency.
Oui, but of course.
What can I do to help you? Do you know a man named Jervis Tetch? Better known as the Mad Hatter.
Jervis Tetch? Jervis Tetch.
No.
He's presently victimizing Gotham City.
The Mad Hatter? And somehow he dropped this card when he made his last catch.
I do not know where he could have gotten it.
I don't know the Mad Hatter.
I am Octave Marbot.
A simple sculptor.
Alright, Monsieur Marbot.
We didn't mean to alarm you.
Well, as long as you're here perhaps I could persuade you to pose.
I'm having trouble with the tete.
The head.
Perhaps if I could persuade you to remove your cowl I could see what's wrong.
Remove my cowl? In my dressing room, of course.
Boy Wonder could hand it out to me.
Alright, Monsieur Marbot.
Come on, Robin.
It's working better than I dreamed.
Batman's in the dressing room with Boy Wonder.
My expert mimicry of perfect French fooled them completely.
The moment.
.
The moment has finally arrived.
- Batman's cowl at last.
- I don't like it, boss.
Cowl or no cowl.
Batman is still Batman.
Never fear.
He wouldn't dare follow us and be exposed for all the world to see.
We'll take his cowl and be on our way.
Conceal yourselves.
I smell a rat.
You smell the Mad Hatter in Marbot's disguise.
He gave himself away with that remark about my statue's head.
That was the first part he finished.
And he was very pleased with it.
You're not going to hand him your cowl, are you? Of course not, Robin.
I wanna find the real Octave Marbot.
Holy switcheroo.
I should've known.
- Someone's moaning - No doubt, our man.
It is Octave Marbot.
Untie him, Robin.
I'm going to put an end to our crafty adversary once and for all.
I wonder what could be keeping Boy Wonder.
Jervis Tetch, your days of crime are over.
Not till I get your cowl, Batman.
My thirteenth hat.
Cappy, Dicer, what are you waiting for? Hold this.
I prepared myself with my anti-mesmerizing Bat-reflector.
Holy ricochet.
Robin, old chum.
What did you do that for, boss? Now you'll never get his cowl.
When the plaster hardens and is removed I'll get a mold of his cowl.
Not only that, but Batman would be permanently plastered.
Oh, it's a far, far simpler end for the cowled crusader.
And the flailing knives mechanical stretchers, cylindrical chambers acid sprays and suction fans of my hat factory.
Oh, it's a stroke of genius on my part if I do say so myself.
And I'll be killing two birds with one stone.
Two birds with one stone.
How does Batman get out of this plaster trap? Has the Mad Hatter outwitted the Dynamic Duo for his own evil ends? The web of terror is just starting to tighten.
Like the wet plaster is just starting to harden.
Be prepared tomorrow.
Same Bat-time.
Same Bat-channel.
Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Na na na na na na na Batman