Hulk and the Agents of S.M.A.S.H. (2013) s01e13 Episode Script
Red Rover
Shh.
Hi, hulk-a-punksters.
We're up extra early to play a practical joke on Red.
Got a big pan of warm water.
Hey.
Where is he? And where's his bed? Ugh.
Think you can beat me you Big green Hmm? What the devil? Whoa! Whoa! And don't you Not again.
Come back here you sick salamander! Who's a pretty dinosaur? Yeah, who's a good buddy? Who's a good dinosaur? You are.
Yes, you are.
Hey, Devil, want a treat? That's it! Every day that overgrown lizard knocks me out of bed, Drags me through the desert, And buries me like a blasted bone! Oh, that's just his way of saying that he likes you.
Well, I'm sick of him.
Stand aside.
T.
Rex is going extinct for real.
huh? Move it, Greenie.
Give me that before you hurt yourself.
Red's always a grouch before he's had his oj.
Come on, aren't you just a little curious to see What dino-burgers would taste like? You know what I'm talking about, right, Skaar? Hmm.
Dino-burger.
Dino-burgers.
Num-num-num-num.
Hmm? Huh? Ow! No! Devil boy Skaar's friend.
No num-num-num.
Yeah, how would you feel if we tossed you in a bun Each time you honked us off? Okay.
No dino-burgers.
Got a better idea anyway.
We don't know how it happened, but somehow Devil developed a wicked attachment to Red.
Maybe because they both have that roaring red thing going for them, Or could be Devil sees Red as a fellow dinosaur, Or maybe a pet? That's probably it.
You don't think Red would really hurt Devil do you? Red's bad with animals but not that bad.
Speaking of pets, We have a new one to look after.
Lunch time.
Who's a hungry leader? Huh? Playing with your food again.
Some inmates keep their minds active By doing Crossword puzzles.
I keep my gamma charged brain alert By devising escape scenarios and villain alliances All out of leftovers.
Well, there's peas in your lunch.
So knock yourself out.
This animosity between us is so pointless.
I shouldn't be your prisoner.
She-hulk, I'm sure you'd agree That we're all one gamma spawn family.
Dream on.
Hulk, you long to be accepted as a hero.
Think of what you and I could accomplish together.
With my brain and your brawn, we'd rule the earth.
Huh.
Same old rant.
You know, I might've fallen for it If you hadn't spent so much time trying to croak us.
Now pipe down and eat your peas or no pudding.
My hour will come, monster.
Hey, ugly, want a treat? Go get it now! Go on! Yo, Red.
Seen Devil? It's time for his bath.
What, uh I don't keep track of your lizard.
I got stuff to do.
Hmm.
Now, to find you a good home far away from me.
Don't worry, I know exactly where you'll be appreciated.
Get out of here! You big dummy, that was a petting zoo, Not an all-you-can-eat buffet.
What do you mean you don't want him? Every museum wants a dinosaur.
That was expensive, right? Uh-huh.
Okay, so that's two strikes.
This time I got a home run.
Isolated mountain forest.
Plenty of fresh water.
All the bears you can eat, huh? Best of all, it's half a world away from Vista Verde.
Here, boy! Come on, boy, let's play! Here, want to play fetch? Come on, boy, fetch the stick.
Fetch it, ready? Go get it! Ah.
Done and done.
Finally a good night's sleep for old Red.
Attention! You have invaded the sovereign nation of Latveria.
Latveria? Dang it.
I could've sworn I set course for Transia.
Or was it Moldavia? all those postage stamp countries sound the same.
Uh-oh.
I woke up the landlord.
Oh! yeah! That did it.
I'll be halfway home Before I hear one clank out of Doctor Doom.
Uh-oh.
I'm hit! Come on, pull up, pull up! Welcome to Latveria.
Where am I? Heaven? Perhaps for some but not for you.
Ingenious, your cameras.
Even I have followed your online efforts To keep the Hulk in check.
You should be commended for your diligence, Honored for your bravery, Punished for invading the kingdom of Victor von Doom.
Oh.
Is this Latveria, doc? I knew I should've taken that left turn at Albuquerque.
Childish.
Just as childish as your attempt to escape.
You are more resilient than I first believed.
Strong enough perhaps to survive the transfer process.
Transfer process? I don't think I like where this conversation's going.
You once took a courageous risk and exposed yourself To the transforming power of gamma energy.
Uh-oh! For years, I have also sought to acquire gamma power.
Albeit it, without the unpleasant side effect Of turning myself into a monster.
Oh, right, because you're not a monster.
I originally built that device to siphon off The Green hulk's great strength.
However, I never managed to trap him in Latveria.
Waste of time anyway, Doc.
I'm a lot stronger than old Greenie.
Though right now that might not be such a good thing.
It is for me.
Skaar, you deserve To know the truth about your past.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
All you need to do is free me.
And I will restore your memory.
Together we will escape back to your home planet of Sakaar.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Yes.
Yes! From there, we will launch a new attack against the Hulks.
And when we finally crush them, And we will, You and I will rule both worlds as equals.
What do you say? Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Skaar, what are you doing? I told you not to take my tunes without asking.
That payback for giving Skaar bath.
Oh, you want payback, huh? Skaar like being smelly! Hey! Come on, not the face! Not the beautiful face! That's Skaar's favorite song.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Dude, that was like right in the face.
Leader want something? Never mind.
Play xylophone on your mouth! No longer is my armor simply for defense.
It is now a gamma energy conductor.
Double the power! Success.
Now I control the ultimate weapon.
Pure gamma energy, mine to unleash at will.
Cities will fall.
Armies will scatter.
No hero or Hulk can match my power.
At last, Doom shall reign supreme.
Blah, blah, blah.
Crimson oaf.
You dare strike Doom? For that, you perish! One more blast and you're finished! Who dares? Away monster! Hey.
Never thought I'd be happy to see you.
So you have an ally.
His head will look magnificent over my fireplace.
Hey, nobody beats on that dino except me! Fool! You'll rupture the power cell.
That's the idea! You have fought valiantly.
But victory is doom's.
How fitting.
By trying to cripple my armor, Red hulk has only succeeded in destroying himself.
Hi.
Old Red's got a little secret.
Seems I'm the only Hulk that can absorb gamma power.
Ah! Armor's power cells drained.
Can't move.
What's the matter, doc? Your iron panties blow a fuse? Urgh! Fool! Doom is never powerless! You want to stay and play chew toy with Vic? It's all the same to me.
I'm getting out of here before he recharges.
Doom shot down my jet, it's only fair I burrow his For the ride home, you know.
Of course the trick will be finding his hanger Before his doombots find me.
Bingo! Oh, changed your mind, huh? Well, hurry up, get on the jet.
We don't got all day.
Should be able to hotwire this crate.
Oh yeah, that did it! Course is locked in.
We're home free, big ugly.
Warning! Tampering with this aircraft Has initiated the security override.
Security override? What does he mean security You dead, rusted, metal-mouth, nut-job! Can't you take a dang joke! It is unlikely the brute survived.
Still, I must be sure.
Shh.
Easy.
Could I've called green for a ride? Sure.
But he's only gonna rub that "you're no good with animals" Crud in my face again.
Who needs that? We'll walk home first.
I never thought this old dump could look so good.
Incoming! I've waited patiently, Red hulk.
You defiled my country and destroyed my castle.
For that, your gamma base will be the first to fall.
You know, Doom, We hulks don't take kindly to gate crashers.
Especially ones who swipe our gamma powers.
You attack one hulk, you attack us all.
I'll have to do away with you eventually.
So let it be done! Oh, yeah! Whoo-hoo! Missed me! Oh, no.
Away from me, savage! Light's out, doc! Hey, doc! Open up and say "Aah.
" Fill your hands, you tinplated creep! Way to blunder into Doom's clutches, Red.
His gamma power armor makes him unstoppable.
You want to spare me the lecture Till after we've mopped up Chrome-dome? Ricochet routine! Go! Hey, Doc! Smile! Power cells are dropping.
I must recharge if I am to destroy every Hulk.
Victor? Victor von Doom? A brilliant plan, sir.
Battling your way into the Hulk's inner sanctum to liberate me.
And you are? The Leader.
The Leader of? The world.
The conquest of human kind.
You know, the Leader.
Oh, yes.
Uh, tell me, does the Hulk keep surplus gamma reserves on hand? That generator connects to the main gamma reactor.
Excellent.
You gamma-powered your armor? How inspired.
What an awesome super villain team-up we geniuses shall forge.
I'm afraid my usual alliances are on a more epic scale.
I'm epic.
Ah! Good work, big brain.
Keeping doom distracted until we caught up.
Why, yes.
So, Doc, you feeling lucky? Bah! This petty feud is beneath the lord of Latveria.
Doom takes his leave.
But first, there is a debt to settle.
Who shall pay the price for Red hulk's crimes? Of course, the faithful beast.
Loyal to the end! No, you don't! Red! Noble but futile.
Unhand me, you brute! Soon as I smash up these power cells.
Can't have you draining anymore Hulks.
No! You mustn't! Ah! The armor is overloading! It could explode any second! Better not let the door hit you on your way out.
Don't drown me already! You're okay.
Yuck! Sure.
I couldn't let doom hurt my pal here.
Your pal? After you threatened to grind him up into Dino-burgers? Who me? Nah.
I just spent the last week looking for Devil After he wandered off and got lost.
Ain't that right? What? that's Red's story.
But the mini-cams tell the real tale.
But now that he's had a chance to get to know Devil, Maybe Red is better with animals.
Well, maybe just this one.
Oh, no! Not again! Hulk out.
Hi, hulk-a-punksters.
We're up extra early to play a practical joke on Red.
Got a big pan of warm water.
Hey.
Where is he? And where's his bed? Ugh.
Think you can beat me you Big green Hmm? What the devil? Whoa! Whoa! And don't you Not again.
Come back here you sick salamander! Who's a pretty dinosaur? Yeah, who's a good buddy? Who's a good dinosaur? You are.
Yes, you are.
Hey, Devil, want a treat? That's it! Every day that overgrown lizard knocks me out of bed, Drags me through the desert, And buries me like a blasted bone! Oh, that's just his way of saying that he likes you.
Well, I'm sick of him.
Stand aside.
T.
Rex is going extinct for real.
huh? Move it, Greenie.
Give me that before you hurt yourself.
Red's always a grouch before he's had his oj.
Come on, aren't you just a little curious to see What dino-burgers would taste like? You know what I'm talking about, right, Skaar? Hmm.
Dino-burger.
Dino-burgers.
Num-num-num-num.
Hmm? Huh? Ow! No! Devil boy Skaar's friend.
No num-num-num.
Yeah, how would you feel if we tossed you in a bun Each time you honked us off? Okay.
No dino-burgers.
Got a better idea anyway.
We don't know how it happened, but somehow Devil developed a wicked attachment to Red.
Maybe because they both have that roaring red thing going for them, Or could be Devil sees Red as a fellow dinosaur, Or maybe a pet? That's probably it.
You don't think Red would really hurt Devil do you? Red's bad with animals but not that bad.
Speaking of pets, We have a new one to look after.
Lunch time.
Who's a hungry leader? Huh? Playing with your food again.
Some inmates keep their minds active By doing Crossword puzzles.
I keep my gamma charged brain alert By devising escape scenarios and villain alliances All out of leftovers.
Well, there's peas in your lunch.
So knock yourself out.
This animosity between us is so pointless.
I shouldn't be your prisoner.
She-hulk, I'm sure you'd agree That we're all one gamma spawn family.
Dream on.
Hulk, you long to be accepted as a hero.
Think of what you and I could accomplish together.
With my brain and your brawn, we'd rule the earth.
Huh.
Same old rant.
You know, I might've fallen for it If you hadn't spent so much time trying to croak us.
Now pipe down and eat your peas or no pudding.
My hour will come, monster.
Hey, ugly, want a treat? Go get it now! Go on! Yo, Red.
Seen Devil? It's time for his bath.
What, uh I don't keep track of your lizard.
I got stuff to do.
Hmm.
Now, to find you a good home far away from me.
Don't worry, I know exactly where you'll be appreciated.
Get out of here! You big dummy, that was a petting zoo, Not an all-you-can-eat buffet.
What do you mean you don't want him? Every museum wants a dinosaur.
That was expensive, right? Uh-huh.
Okay, so that's two strikes.
This time I got a home run.
Isolated mountain forest.
Plenty of fresh water.
All the bears you can eat, huh? Best of all, it's half a world away from Vista Verde.
Here, boy! Come on, boy, let's play! Here, want to play fetch? Come on, boy, fetch the stick.
Fetch it, ready? Go get it! Ah.
Done and done.
Finally a good night's sleep for old Red.
Attention! You have invaded the sovereign nation of Latveria.
Latveria? Dang it.
I could've sworn I set course for Transia.
Or was it Moldavia? all those postage stamp countries sound the same.
Uh-oh.
I woke up the landlord.
Oh! yeah! That did it.
I'll be halfway home Before I hear one clank out of Doctor Doom.
Uh-oh.
I'm hit! Come on, pull up, pull up! Welcome to Latveria.
Where am I? Heaven? Perhaps for some but not for you.
Ingenious, your cameras.
Even I have followed your online efforts To keep the Hulk in check.
You should be commended for your diligence, Honored for your bravery, Punished for invading the kingdom of Victor von Doom.
Oh.
Is this Latveria, doc? I knew I should've taken that left turn at Albuquerque.
Childish.
Just as childish as your attempt to escape.
You are more resilient than I first believed.
Strong enough perhaps to survive the transfer process.
Transfer process? I don't think I like where this conversation's going.
You once took a courageous risk and exposed yourself To the transforming power of gamma energy.
Uh-oh! For years, I have also sought to acquire gamma power.
Albeit it, without the unpleasant side effect Of turning myself into a monster.
Oh, right, because you're not a monster.
I originally built that device to siphon off The Green hulk's great strength.
However, I never managed to trap him in Latveria.
Waste of time anyway, Doc.
I'm a lot stronger than old Greenie.
Though right now that might not be such a good thing.
It is for me.
Skaar, you deserve To know the truth about your past.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
All you need to do is free me.
And I will restore your memory.
Together we will escape back to your home planet of Sakaar.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Yes.
Yes! From there, we will launch a new attack against the Hulks.
And when we finally crush them, And we will, You and I will rule both worlds as equals.
What do you say? Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Skaar, what are you doing? I told you not to take my tunes without asking.
That payback for giving Skaar bath.
Oh, you want payback, huh? Skaar like being smelly! Hey! Come on, not the face! Not the beautiful face! That's Skaar's favorite song.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Dude, that was like right in the face.
Leader want something? Never mind.
Play xylophone on your mouth! No longer is my armor simply for defense.
It is now a gamma energy conductor.
Double the power! Success.
Now I control the ultimate weapon.
Pure gamma energy, mine to unleash at will.
Cities will fall.
Armies will scatter.
No hero or Hulk can match my power.
At last, Doom shall reign supreme.
Blah, blah, blah.
Crimson oaf.
You dare strike Doom? For that, you perish! One more blast and you're finished! Who dares? Away monster! Hey.
Never thought I'd be happy to see you.
So you have an ally.
His head will look magnificent over my fireplace.
Hey, nobody beats on that dino except me! Fool! You'll rupture the power cell.
That's the idea! You have fought valiantly.
But victory is doom's.
How fitting.
By trying to cripple my armor, Red hulk has only succeeded in destroying himself.
Hi.
Old Red's got a little secret.
Seems I'm the only Hulk that can absorb gamma power.
Ah! Armor's power cells drained.
Can't move.
What's the matter, doc? Your iron panties blow a fuse? Urgh! Fool! Doom is never powerless! You want to stay and play chew toy with Vic? It's all the same to me.
I'm getting out of here before he recharges.
Doom shot down my jet, it's only fair I burrow his For the ride home, you know.
Of course the trick will be finding his hanger Before his doombots find me.
Bingo! Oh, changed your mind, huh? Well, hurry up, get on the jet.
We don't got all day.
Should be able to hotwire this crate.
Oh yeah, that did it! Course is locked in.
We're home free, big ugly.
Warning! Tampering with this aircraft Has initiated the security override.
Security override? What does he mean security You dead, rusted, metal-mouth, nut-job! Can't you take a dang joke! It is unlikely the brute survived.
Still, I must be sure.
Shh.
Easy.
Could I've called green for a ride? Sure.
But he's only gonna rub that "you're no good with animals" Crud in my face again.
Who needs that? We'll walk home first.
I never thought this old dump could look so good.
Incoming! I've waited patiently, Red hulk.
You defiled my country and destroyed my castle.
For that, your gamma base will be the first to fall.
You know, Doom, We hulks don't take kindly to gate crashers.
Especially ones who swipe our gamma powers.
You attack one hulk, you attack us all.
I'll have to do away with you eventually.
So let it be done! Oh, yeah! Whoo-hoo! Missed me! Oh, no.
Away from me, savage! Light's out, doc! Hey, doc! Open up and say "Aah.
" Fill your hands, you tinplated creep! Way to blunder into Doom's clutches, Red.
His gamma power armor makes him unstoppable.
You want to spare me the lecture Till after we've mopped up Chrome-dome? Ricochet routine! Go! Hey, Doc! Smile! Power cells are dropping.
I must recharge if I am to destroy every Hulk.
Victor? Victor von Doom? A brilliant plan, sir.
Battling your way into the Hulk's inner sanctum to liberate me.
And you are? The Leader.
The Leader of? The world.
The conquest of human kind.
You know, the Leader.
Oh, yes.
Uh, tell me, does the Hulk keep surplus gamma reserves on hand? That generator connects to the main gamma reactor.
Excellent.
You gamma-powered your armor? How inspired.
What an awesome super villain team-up we geniuses shall forge.
I'm afraid my usual alliances are on a more epic scale.
I'm epic.
Ah! Good work, big brain.
Keeping doom distracted until we caught up.
Why, yes.
So, Doc, you feeling lucky? Bah! This petty feud is beneath the lord of Latveria.
Doom takes his leave.
But first, there is a debt to settle.
Who shall pay the price for Red hulk's crimes? Of course, the faithful beast.
Loyal to the end! No, you don't! Red! Noble but futile.
Unhand me, you brute! Soon as I smash up these power cells.
Can't have you draining anymore Hulks.
No! You mustn't! Ah! The armor is overloading! It could explode any second! Better not let the door hit you on your way out.
Don't drown me already! You're okay.
Yuck! Sure.
I couldn't let doom hurt my pal here.
Your pal? After you threatened to grind him up into Dino-burgers? Who me? Nah.
I just spent the last week looking for Devil After he wandered off and got lost.
Ain't that right? What? that's Red's story.
But the mini-cams tell the real tale.
But now that he's had a chance to get to know Devil, Maybe Red is better with animals.
Well, maybe just this one.
Oh, no! Not again! Hulk out.