Johnny Test (2005) s01e13 Episode Script

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
Johnny got a head
Of fiery hair ♪
And a turbo-charged backpack ♪
His genius sisters
Use him like a lab rat ♪
A neat-freak dad at home ♪
A super-busy mom ♪
The boy's best friend
Is a talking dog ♪
-Talking dog ♪
-That's right ♪
Three extreme teens
And an air-breathing shark ♪
Mega-action game controller
Skating in the park ♪
A Phero-Booster, Bling-Bling ♪
What do we make of this? ♪
Johnny Test ♪
Johnny Test ♪
This is the life of a boy
Named Johnny Test ♪
Johnny Test ♪
Johnny Test ♪
This is the life of a boy ♪
Named Johnny Test ♪
(FIREWORKS WHISTLE,
RAPID EXPLOSIONS)
(KIDS YELLING, TALKING)
Mm, I love the smell
of dodgeball in the morning.
And Sissy Blakely is destroying
every kid on the court.
(GRUNTING)
But things have gotten better
since they put a nurse's
outpost in the gym.
(YELPS) Ay-yy!
(BOY YELPS) Ay-yy!
You're not going out there.
She'll emboss the words
"official dodgeball" on your
forehead backwards.
How?
JOHNNY: Oh. That's how.
But no worries, my friend,
because I've developed
a killer dodgeball move
I like to call
"the chuck and duck."
That sounds more like
a special at a steakhouse.
Come on, Test. You're next.
Observe. I chuck.
then I duck.
-See?
-Hey!
We have matching foreheads.
-Johnny Test ♪
-You should have ducked
instead of chucked.
Nice game today, Test.
I was gonna say
you throw like a girl,
but I throw way harder
than you. (LAUGHS)
I'm getting really tired
of Sissy knocking me down
all the time!
Oh, come on!
She doesn't knock you down
all the time.
(GRUNTING)
(YELLING)
Okay, I stand corrected.
I've got to find a way
to beat her at dodgeball.
But how?
Say hello to your new
dodgeball coach.
What?! What do you know
about coaching?
You have some sort
of ancient dodgeball secret?
(CHUCKLES) Even better.
Ladies, Johnny needs a
dodgeball-launching bionic arm.
I could have done that!
Johnny, Johnny, Johnny.
I'm your coach-slash-agent,
and I am skilled
in the art of negotiation.
Now, what's it going to take
to get Johnny into a
bionic arm today?
Johnny Test ♪
I need a new agent.
Say hello
to the impulse-propelled
Equilibrium Enhancer.
It's a dress!
It's a dance-a-tron.
The dress simply conceals
the true micro-bionic
understructure.
Observe.
-(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
-Whoa!
The metallic parts tap
into the central nervous system
and manipulate
the reflexive neurons
to create the perfect
dance moves.
And when Gil sees
what incredibly skilled dancers
we are
He'll fall head-over-heels
in love with us!
What dance is that,
"the dying tuna"?
The dance-a-tron
is still a work in progress.
(CELTIC MUSIC PLAYING)
And it's totally
music activated.
(SCREAMS)
But again,
it's a work in progress.
Maybe we should
create a voice-activated
dance-a-tron
instead of music-based.
Let's get to work right away.
Not so fast. A deal's a deal.
Give my boy here
his bionic dodgeball arm.
(CHUCKLES)
SUSAN: It's based
on the same technology
as the dance-a-tron.
Only we've limited
the micro-bionics to
Johnny's right arm,
but increased its power
3,000 percent.
Doesn't feel any different.
Try hitting the dummy.
-Awesome!
-(GROANING)
See? That's why
you need an agent.
Well, Test, back to your daily
allowance of red rubber?
Is that a challenge, Sissy?
I can always use
some target practice
on your head.
Bring it on.
Hey, look, everybody.
Johnny Test thinks
he can take me out.
(YELPS) Ow--!
(SCOFFS) Lucky shot, Test.
I wasn't even ready,
but now I am, and get
ready-- (GRUNTS)
Somehow Johnny's got
super dodgeball powers!
Johnny Dodgeball!
It's the perfect name.
Can you say "toy action figure"
or "late-night television"?
Or better yet,
"cereal box cover"?
Well, Sissy,
what smarty-pants thing
do you want to say
to Johnny Dodgeball?
You wanna play
for my dodgeball club?
You're really good.
Uh, sure.
What's a dodgeball club?
SISSY:
People go to dodgeball clubs
all over the country.
From the coast
(CROWD CHEERING)
SISSY:
to the South
(CROWD CHEERING)
SISSY:
to the far north.
(CROWD CHEERING)
But we play
for the love of the game
and don't get carried away
with commercial endorsements
or get super agents
or anything like that.
So you're the biggest thing
in dodgeball ever.
No! I want the cover
of Flakies breakfast cereal
-or no deal!
-(INDISTINCT PHONE CHATTER)
I can't hear you.
I'm going into the canyon.
(MIMICS STUTTERING
PHONE CONNECTION)
Has any of this success
gone to your head?
No. I'm just the greatest
dodgeball player ever.
No! Cute and humble!
People love cute and humble!
In fact,
me, an 11-year-old girl,
and a dog for a coach
could beat any dodgeball team
in the world.
-(CELL PHONE RINGS, BEEPS)
-Talk to me.
The Russian dodgeball team?!
MAN:
Hello, everybody!
The Dodgeball Channel
presents
"The Mother
of all Dodgeball Matches"
as the Porkbelly United team
of Johnny and Sissy
and their hairy coach
go up against
the world-champion Russians.
In fact, it's so big,
the mayors of Porkbelly
and Moscow have made
a friendly wager.
If the Russians win,
they get a truckload
of world-famous Porkbelly
apple butter.
And if Porkbelly wins,
we get matching
nuclear warheads.
Disarmed, of course.
Is it wrong to root
for the Russians?
Johnny, we've got
to talk strategy.
Okay. Here's my strategy.
-I'm the best
dodgeball player ever.
-Hyah!
Do I need to remind you
that we're a team?
Yeah, yeah.
Remind me later, will ya?
I'm doing something
important here.
It's called
the Johnny Dodgeball
action figure and night light.
He throws hard.
He's just not very bright.
(CHUCKLES)
(SCOFFS) Ugh!
(CROWD CHEERING, BOOING)
(WHISTLE TWEETS)
-These guys are good.
-But not good enough.
(BUZZING)
Whoa. Didn't see that coming.
Come on, Test!
Quit goofing around!
(GROANS) I'm on your team!
I'm gonna guess the bionics
are not functioning.
(IN RUSSIAN ACCENT)
Smash flaming-head boy now!
-Time out!
-(TWEETS)
(GRUNTS) My arm sounds
like a bug zapper.
The bionics are covered in milk
and Flakies
breakfast cereal.
Oh, we sorta had
a cereal box cover shoot
before the game. (CHUCKLES)
"Bionic arm"?!
That's how you beat me?!
Now's not the time to argue
over sportsmanship
versus cheating.
We've got a match to win!
There's a lot of apple butter
at stake here!
But he's horrible
with two normal arms!
Now with that bug-zapper arm,
we're toast.
Not necessarily.
Behold.
The robotic voice-activated
dance-a-tron.
How is dancing
going to help us beat
the greatest dodgeball team
in the world?
Because they can't beat
what they can't hit.
Now get out there
and wait for my call.
(TWEETS)
Break dance!
DUKEY:
Rumba!
Limbo!
I'm a dancing
dodgeball fool!
DUKEY:
The dying tuna.
Stand still,
squirmy Porkbelly boy!
Keep spinning, Test.
(TWEETS)
Whoa! Do you believe
in miracles?
Yes! I did it!
I mean "we."
We did it all together.
It was all of us all together,
as one, as a team.
-(PHONE BEEPING)
-Hello. Flakies?
Yeah, I wanna make
a change to the cover.
TV ANNOUNCER:
The monster truck channel
is back!
(MOANING)
ANNOUNCER:
Big trucks! Big fun!
Crushing thunder!
See the behemoth take on
Mr. Big Tires! Flames!
Watch men drive big trucks
over things.
It's big, big!
And you, you can drive
a real monster truck.
Be there!
At the Porkbelly Coliseum!
Tonight!
We're gonna drive
a real monster truck
'cause we've got
front-row tickets.
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
(TRUCK HORN BLARES)
And now we've got one
in our front yard!
(ENGINE SPUTTERING)
It's like a beautiful dream.
And now it's more
like a nightmare.
Can you get
the lovely Susan for me?
I want to show her "Road Burn,"
the world's most powerful
monster truck.
Let me drive that thing
and you've got a deal.
(CHUCKLES) Oh, Jonathan.
You are far too small to handle
the power of Road Burn!
Fine. Then no Susan.
Okay, you can drive it.
SUSAN AND MARY:
Gil?! Where?! Where's Gil?!
BLING-BLING:
So, Susan,
what do you think
of my phat ride?
I made it just for you.
I think monster trucks
are a waste of time
and a sad attempt by men
to deal with their own
deficiencies.
(ENGINE SPUTTERING, STOPS)
I don't understand.
Don't chicks dig monster trucks?
It depends
on who's behind the wheel.
Oh. Great.
Well, I guess
it's off to the junkyard
with this heap.
You were supposed
to get me a date
with the lovely Susan!
(ROARS)
The truck is alive?!
Um, hello!
They're called
"monster trucks,"
so of course
it's a real monster.
(ROARS)
Eh, what? Monster trucks
aren't supposed to be
real monsters?
JOHNNY:
No. Duh.
Now if you'll excuse us,
we're off to see
some real monster trucks
at the Monster Truck
Rally Jam Three!
(ECHOES)
Three Three Three
(ENGINE REVVING)
(TIRES SCREECH)
(ROARS)
(CAR ALARM BLARING)
I wonder if this violates
my probation.
(SIRENS WAILING)
Uh, that would be a yes.
STADIUM ANNOUNCER:
It's Crank Monster Truck
Rally Three!
Hot cheese and nachos,
two hours of nitro-burning
monster trucks,
and we get to drive one!
It doesn't get
any better than this.
-(ROARS)
-STADIUM ANNOUNCER:
Whose truck is that?
That's not part of the rally!
(DRIVERS SCREAMING)
(ROARS)
STADIUM ANNOUNCER:
Show's over. Bye.
(SPECTATORS SCREAMING)
Road Burn just ate the show!
This can't be happening.
We were supposed to drive
in a monster truck.
(WAILS)
There, there, Johnny. Calm down.
Everything will be better soon.
(WAILING)
Okay, I was wrong.
But this will cheer you up.
TV ANNOUNCER:
Live, from Daytona,
it's the Monster Truck
Super Street Challenge 500!
Okay. Now I feel better.
TV ANNOUNCER:
And here's the first lap.
Thanks to Road Burn,
the Monster Truck Channel
has been cancelled.
So now we're running
infomercials.
I can show you how you can get
free money from cheese!
Ah! Again! Ah!
Chill out, Johnny.
The world will not end
without monster trucks.
Yes, it will.
And with Road Burn on the loose,
he'll wipe out the entire
monster truck species.
But I will stop it!
-How?
-I was hoping you guys
had the answer.
Forget it, Johnny.
We have our own problems
to deal with.
Yeah, like getting Wolfgang
and Johann Sebastian
to stop fighting.
Knock it off, you two!
Well, there's no way
you can stop "Road Kill"
alone, Johnny.
Emphasis on "alone"
-because I will
not be going with you.
-Will you go for a walk?
Walk?! I love walks!
I'll get my leash! Walk!
That was a really long walk.
Sorry we can't help you, Johnny.
We're very busy.
We're trying to see
who's the dominant male.
-It's me.
-No, it's me.
I can't believe
you're not looking
for Road Burn.
It eats other trucks.
It's a menace to society.
-We are, but we have
other top priorities.
-(GROANS)
"Stabilize the economy,
spy, get tasty lunch,
protect the world
from meteors."
Hunt down mad cows,
work on mission to Mars,
then stop the crazy
monster-truck-eating truck.
-But you have to stop it now!
-BOTH: Why?
Because, um You see,
dudes love monster trucks,
and if they can't see
monster trucks, they get sad.
And if they get sad,
they don't take
their families out
and spend money.
And soon consumer
confidence plummets
and the world is thrown
into economic chaos.
Meteors and mad cows
fall from the sky
destroying
the Mission to Mars Project.
All because you didn't stop
Road Burn!
Okay, we'll help.
So all we have to do
is make another
really huge and biggery,
strongery monster truck
that will eat Road Burn.
I give you the super-secret
government monster truck.
It comes complete
with bunker-busting missiles,
flamethrowers,
18 cup holders,
and a Road Burn
tracking device.
-And I get to drive!
-Sorry, Johnny, you're
too small.
(TIRES SCREECH)
(BEEPING)
There he is!
Let's see how Road Burn
handles a real monster truck.
(LAUGHTER)
Let's try the flamethrower.
(CACKLES)
Actually,
it handles it pretty good.
Okay. Let's try the big pointy
exploding thingies.
-AGENT 2: Missiles.
-Missiles!
They're called missiles!
(ROARS)
(TIRES SCREECH)
Okay. Now let's try
reverse!
JOHNNY:
He's gaining on us!
We're going as fast as we can.
Now he's eating us.
(BOTH SCREAM)
I've decided
I hate monster trucks.
Now let's try
the eject button!
Why can't we get them
to stop fighting?
Maybe men are just born
violent and stupid.
SUSAN:
It's highly likely.
Oh, boy. Two billion dollars
down the drain.
It can't be stopped!
It's fun to watch it
crush stuff-- but it
can't be stopped!
Tell us about it.
We can't get these two
to stop fighting
no matter what habitat
we place them in.
Observe.
SUSAN: The quiet,
serene Japanese garden.
Or this mellow,
peaceful smooth jazz club.
Hello! That's because
you've never supposed to put
two man hamsters together
in a cage.
JOHNNY: You gotta put
a lady hamster in there.
I saw it on
the Hamster Channel once.
Right! Because the males
will try to establish dominance
in their limited space.
Dogs do it all the time.
Only we don't whack each other.
We sort of just
hop on each other.
-(CHIRPING)
-MARY: Wow.
Thanks, Johnny.
We owe you one.
Good.
Because I just realized
it's gonna take massive
girl power to beat Road Burn.
Right.
So we'll all need dresses.
No, but we will need
a video camera,
an advertising budget,
and a totally new super-powerful
road-kill crushing
monster truck.
JOHNNY ON TV:
Monster truck rally jam four!
Four-four-four-four! Be there!
Today! Today! Today! Today!
It's real super s-s-s-super
monster truck action!
Today at the Porkbelly
C-C-C-Coliseum!
Not a trap or anything!
JOHNNY:
Be there!
(CROWD CHEERING)
Great! It looks like
everybody saw our commercial.
Let just hope
Road Burn saw it.
That would be a yes!
Give it up for Road Burn!
The truck that eats everything
and destroys all other
monster trucks!
-ALL: Boo!
-(ROARS)
(ALL LAUGH)
But can it crush the newest,
biggest and baddest
monster truck in the world
Ginger?
ALL:
Aw.
(TIRES SCREECH)
Yeah! We did it!
The world is safe
for monster trucks again!
TV ANNOUNCER:
The Monster Truck Channel
is back!
And now,
Monster Truck Rally Jam Five!
-Yeah!
-Whoo-hoo!
What's wrong, Johnny?
Thanks to you,
monster trucks are no longer
an endangered species.
I know, but I never got
to drive a monster truck!
But, Johnny, you're too small.
(HORN HONKS)
But you're not too small
for this one! (CHUCKLES)
(TIRES SCREECH)
(HORNS HONK)
JOHNNY:
Wah-hoo-hoo!
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)