L.A. Law (1986) s01e13 Episode Script
Prince Kuzak in a Can
1
Previously on L.A.
Law.
I know how you get this time of year,
so I'll pick him up on Monday, okay?
Thank you.
Honey, I really do love you.
Everything's gonna be okay.
I'm 44 years old and I'm locked up in a rubber room.
I like you, Sid.
Even if you are nuts.
When I was in the hospital, you were the
only one to come to see me.
And I want you to know, it meant a lot.
Well, I'm just glad to see you back.
I'm, uh, in Division 50 this afternoon.
Why don't you come see me in action?
A friendly face, it's a nice thing to see.
Sid!
No!
Hi, Mike.
You want to tell me you're thinking?
You got a million drug busts backing up like sewage.
There aren't enough courtrooms to handle
your current caseload of axe murders,
and yet you continue to press for a jury
trial and a lousy hooker beef?
Hello, George.
How are you?
I'm fine, Mike.
Thanks.
Smog's a bitch, ain't it?
Can we cut through the crap here, please?
You want to slow down and tell me what
you're talking about?
Lurleen Connors.
This case never should have gone to court
in the first place.
And if it hadn't, there's an outside chance
that Sid Hirshberg would be alive today!
Sid wanted that trial, not me.
I often am a lousy fine and credit for time served,
so get the hell off my back before I knock you down.
I'm sorry.
I thought that Think again.
Well, is the offer still good?
Of course it is.
I'm looking to build a career on 50-buck
hooker trials, for God's sake.
George.
I'm sorry about the attitude.
I've been under a lot of pressure.
Forget it.
You took his caseload, didn't you?
Yeah.
Don't ask me why, because I don't know.
Yeah, I'll see you in court.
Mike.
You all right?
Yeah.
Why?
Because I'm not.
Ever since Sid ate his gun, I've been having nightmares.
I'm afraid to go to sleep at night.
I'm depressed.
I'm anxious.
I had to go back to my shrink.
That's the most awful thing I've ever seen in my life.
Man, it makes you stop and think about
stuff you don't want to stop and think about.
People versus Joseph Sears.
Hit and run vehicular manslaughter, Sid Hirshberg's case.
People versus Connors, a prostitute.
Sid Hirshberg.
How about it, Mike?
Do you want me to take one of them for you?
It's under control.
Just because the man's dead is no reason
for us to pick up every case he ever handled.
It's just these two cases and I'm doing them.
You don't like it, too bad.
What about Cromwell Aircraft?
Please not again.
Excuse me.
You've been saying that for a week.
We spend thousands of dollars updating our
phone system and all we get is chaos.
Douglas, I've got a client sitting in my
office who's a computer genius.
Forget it.
This is sophisticated equipment.
Not a toy for some computer hack.
No, the kid's a whiz.
He can have his phone mess straightened
out in a couple of hours.
I think I know what it is now.
Mm-hmm.
Back to Cromwell Aircraft.
This is a huge chance for us to land a major, major client.
George Cromwell will be in town this afternoon
to interview the five biggest firms in the city and us.
How do we rate?
The vice president is a friend of mine.
He was kind enough to put us on the list.
He was also good enough to give me a
profile on Mr. Cromwell.
This should give us an edge at this afternoon's meeting.
This is major litigation, and I don't want
to blow it, Michael, just because our top
trial lawyer is too busy with one of Sid
Hirshberg's streetwalkers.
I can handle it, Douglas.
Mm-hmm.
Well, just the same.
Hey, let's have Ann give you some backup on this.
I'd like the two of you to review this file
and reconvene in my office in 15 minutes.
That's it.
We're adjourned.
Mike, I was serious in there.
Let me take some of the weight off.
I'm okay.
You sure?
You look like hell.
What did I just say, Victor?
Hey, you were standing 10 feet away from a
guy who blew out his own brains.
I just think now's a good time to take a
couple of days off, you know?
Take the long weekend.
Look, when I want your advice, I will ask for it, okay?
Look, Mr. Kuzak, uh, I've been thinking
Yeah, I've been thinking the whole thing over.
And, uh, well, here's the brainstorm.
How about when my aunt gets up to you to
testify about the car registration?
I get her to say that we were together all afternoon.
Say we went to the beach or something.
Subwarning perjury is not the way I do business, Mr. Sears.
Right.
I'll tell you one thing.
Sid Hirshberg would not have given me a hard time.
If you are not happy with the way I'm representing
you, feel free to find yourself another lawyer.
You think you can get me off?
Prosecution has to prove guilt beyond a reasonable doubt.
You don't think they can?
Their whole case comes down to showing that you
were driving your aunt's car at the time of the accident.
And all they have to establish that is one
unreliable eyewitness.
What about the videotape?
Obviously, I will try again to have that excluded.
But even if they show it, the images are
so murky that it's
it's less than convincing.
So you think 50-50?
Hmm?
50-50?
Oh, I think actually better than that.
Look, Mr. Sears, I understand.
I understand your concern, and I assure you
that I will give you the best defense I legally can.
But, um, if you'll excuse me, I got to run.
I'm late for a meeting.
All right.
I'll see you in court.
Wear a coat and tie.
Why is he meeting with everyone at the same time?
I never heard of anything like that.
Well, he's pressed for time.
It's the only way he's able to see everyone.
What a bunch of crap.
You have to be at this meeting.
Okay.
What's Cromwell going to think?
Douglas, I have a 995 motion scheduled.
I'll go to the meeting, and I'll explain to Mr. Cromwell
that my chief litigator is in court and can't
I think I should go, Leland.
I've read this guy's profile, and he thinks
of senior partners as self-contented and fat.
Not that you are, but he likes the hungry
fighter type, and that's me.
But a fight may not be what's needed here.
This case should probably be settled.
Excuse me, did we read the same file?
How many civil cases have you won, Ann?
Besides which, this should be a simple insurance matter.
Michael, if you read the file
carefully, then you would know that Mr.
Cromwell is refusing to settle.
And frankly, I agree with him.
The FAA said it was human error.
There was nothing wrong with the jet.
And if he settles this one, he's on the
hook for the five other deaths as well.
Product liability can drag on forever.
With the discovery, the expense, I say
it makes more sense to avoid the war.
But he has already decided to go to war.
What he's shopping for now is a soldier.
If we tell him to shy away from the
battle, he's just going to hire another gun.
Fine.
You want to take this on?
Be my guest.
My call.
Look, do what you want.
Send me a memo.
I'm late.
I can handle this, Leland.
I think I've got a feeling for this guy.
Okay.
Meet me here at 3.30 and we'll head over.
Leland, let me bang the drum alone.
Trust me, I will get you this client.
And in light of the fact that
this is his first defense, Your.
Honor, I request that you accept our joint recommendation.
Defendant pleads guilty to count one.
Counts two through seven are dismissed.
I don't take computer fraud lightly, counselor.
Your client accessed the records of the telephone
company and deleted all his friend's phone bills.
As Christmas presents, Your Honor,
he didn't act for personal gain.
I see.
Defendant, please rise.
Step up to the bench.
Son, you're 18 years old.
From the things you pulled here,
I can see you're a very gifted young man.
I think you do well to take advantage of your
talent and not fall victim to your boyish mischief.
I'm going to Grant your lawyer's request
and drop the remaining six counts in the
sincere hope that you use your special skills to
accomplish all the good things you're capable of.
Please don't disappoint me.
Formal sentencing take place and defendant
meets with probation and I get the report.
Thank you, Your Honor.
Andrew, about your legal fees.
Yeah?
Well, I think I've got to wait for you to work it off.
You really that good with telephones?
Am I good?
Here, watch this.
What are you doing?
This is just to get by all the security checks.
Listen, may I help you?
Yes, is President Reagan in?
I came out of the video store and walked
across the street to my car.
So you had a clear view of the crosswalk?
Yes.
Mrs. Fields, would you please tell us what happened next?
The young lady was in the crosswalk, and then
the car came out of nowhere and knocked her down.
It didn't even stop.
He kept right on going.
Mrs. Fields, I know this all happened very
fast, but did you get a good look at the driver?
He was a white man, about 40 years old.
He had a mustache.
Would you recognize him if you saw him again?
I believe I could.
Do you see him today in this courtroom?
Yes.
Right there.
Please stand, sir.
And, uh, state your name for the record.
Jason Cooper, your honor.
What?
The record will indicate, your honor,
that the witnesses failed to identify the
defendant, Joseph Sears, who is sitting right behind me.
Mr. Cooper is a paralegal working in my office.
He's assisting me on this case.
Your honor, I ask that Mr. Kuzak be
sanctioned for this deceptive maneuver.
Hey, I do not have to tolerate that.
Uh, take it easy, Mr. Kuzak.
Continue, Miss, uh, Golkowski.
They look a lot alike.
I agree.
Objection.
Withdrawn.
Mrs. Fields, I show you a photograph and
ask you if you recognize it.
Yes.
The police showed me about ten pictures on
the night of the accident.
I picked this one out as being the man driving the car.
At this time, I would like to
introduce into evidence a picture of Mr.
Joseph Sears taken at the Culver City
Police Department at the time of booking.
No objection, Your Honor.
No further questions for Mrs. Fields, Your Honor.
No questions.
You may step down.
Your Honor, at this time, I would like to ask for a brief
recess in order to give me time to set up the video monitor.
And I would like to restate my objection
to the introduction of the videotape on
the grounds that it's inflammatory and there's
nothing to tie the events recorded to my client.
Thank you, Mr. Kuzak.
Motion denied.
We'll take a ten-minute recess.
What are you doing here?
I'm just being sociable.
I had a free hour.
Like hell, you're babysitting me.
Take it easy, Mike.
So what did I do?
Do I get your approval?
Come on, we got a break.
Let's get a cup of coffee or something.
Get out of here, Victor.
Let me get my job done.
See, I was having trouble with the light meter.
That's the salesman next to my girlfriend.
It's at this point you can see the lady go around them.
And then I lose her for a minute.
Slow the tape, please.
And that's where he hit her.
Since my grandfather, a direct descendant of Oliver
Wendell Holmes, began this firm over a hundred years ago.
Ambrone and Fine have been regarded as one of
the finest and most prestigious firms in this country.
But I want to be honest.
The integrity and reputation of every firm
here today is beyond reproach,
and you will be well represented whichever you choose.
But if you'll look through those national
legal publications I've given you,
you'll see that our performance record,
is at the very top, and if you truly
believe that Cromwell Aircraft deserves
the best, well, here we are.
Thank you.
Miss Kelsey?
My firm, Mr. Cromwell, hasn't been around
for a hundred years, and I haven't read
anything about us in the national
journals, but I have read this complaint,
and I can tell you, you don't have to be a
descendant of Oliver Wendell Holmes to
know that this thing stinks it's tragic
that the pilot and those five passengers
died and I don't doubt that we all
sympathize with their families but the
fact remains this tragedy was not your
fault and I'm dismayed that anyone in this
room would even think about entering into
settlement discussions a trial is war and
they're supposed to be casualties and if
I'm confronted by an empty complaint like
this I don't go out waltzing with
settlement feelers have you thought about
the cost of such a litigation miss Kelsey
yes I've thought about the cost mr
marathoo I've also I also thought about the fact that
McMay and Kramer is here with two partners and an associate.
If the meter was running, an hour and a
half meeting with an hour travel time
would bring your firm's bill for this
little get-together to almost $1,500.
$1,500 and all he tells you is to think
about rolling over on a worthless bluff.
I'm here by myself, saying more and prepared to do more.
And my time for this meeting would run you about $300.
These are all great firms, Mr. Cromwell,
and they're absolutely right.
If you want fine, respectable representation with
years of tradition backing you up, pick one of them.
But if you want a firm that despises
defeat, if you want someone who will stick
it right back to shameless lawyers rolling
the dice for litigious clients,
if you want to win, then we're it, Mr. Cromwell.
We're it.
I was a jerk.
Damn near bit his head off, and it turns
out it was Sid Hirshberg who wanted a trial.
Sid Hirshberg wanted an audience.
You look awful, mister.
Would everybody get off my back?
All I need to do is make it to the
weekend, get a little rest, and I'll be okay.
But why are you doing this to yourself?
You don't need his scuzzy cases.
Grace, please don't lecture me.
Okay.
Thank you.
If you're interested, I've pulled a favor.
Lou Corrigan's gonna take my Friday night shift.
We can hit the road by five.
Be in Palm Springs at 7.30.
We'll spend the weekend eating,
sleeping, sunning, groping each other.
What do you say, stranger?
Sounds great.
Great.
I gotta go.
But you sit as long as you want.
Think about life.
Think about death.
And don't forget to turn the lights out when you leave.
See?
And by bypassing the main board,
each extension has a direct connection.
Now, here is a neat little feature that I
put in just for you.
See?
It's this
Excuse me.
It's this foot pedal right here,
and it's connected to the voice terminal.
So now you don't have to use a free hand to answer a call.
Right?
So, uh, you're typing.
Oh, God.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
And, um, you can't reach.
You just, you just hit the pedal with your
foot, and there it is.
Now, let's talk call forward.
Who is that boy dismantling our phones?
Brackman.
Mr. Sifuentes brought him in.
I want him out.
Are you kidding?
Thanks to him, it's the first time these
phones have worked in a week.
You see, sir, what it is that I'm doing is
that by eliminating the direct dial,
office communications won't be racking up message units.
Should save the firm about $12,000 annually.
Oh.
Now, Ms. Melman, how about a nice little override system?
Any intercept tone you want?
No, thank you.
There's really no trouble at all.
You know, if you want, I could hook up a nice
monitor screen right here so that you could get cable.
No trouble.
Ann, how'd it go?
Um, I think we got a good shot.
Look, I'm sorry about this morning.
It's okay.
Let me change a few appointments.
I ought to be able to free up some time tomorrow
for breakfast if Cromwell wants to sit down with me.
It's okay.
I mean, everything's under control.
Ann.
Michael, Lillian Connors is on the phone for you.
I'll call her back.
She's calling from jail, Mike.
Stuart.
Hang on a second.
Ann.
Hi.
Listen, I gotta break dinner.
You're being rude?
George Cromwell wants me to meet with him.
No kidding.
That's great.
I mean, that sounds really promising.
You sure you don't mind?
Well, I can probably find somebody to keep me busy.
Knock him dead.
Couldn't you at least have waited until we
pled you out on the other beef?
A person has to eat, counselor.
Bail per schedule, $2,500.
Talk to Barney's bail bonds.
Ask for Barney Rossetti personally.
He'll take care of it.
The arraignment is tomorrow afternoon.
I may have to ask for a continuance.
No problem.
And by the by, is it okay if I pay you like I paid Sid?
Look, uh, why don't you just pay me
tomorrow with the arraignment, okay?
You sure?
Well, how did you and Sid do it?
Usually in his car.
Our safety record speaks for itself.
That plane is one of the safest in the sky
if you've been trained to pilot it.
I know.
I went over every inch of it myself.
You're a deep pocket, Mr. Cromwell.
Those lawyers probably think they can
flush out some quick money.
But you think we can win.
I do.
Furthermore, I think there's a chance that
they'll fold before we get to court.
But it's critical that we communicate
right from the outset that we mean business.
Well, I must say, I have a very good
feeling about us working together.
I'm very impressed with your intensity, your
grasp of the subject, your competitiveness, your eyes,
your grace, and your I should tell you
George that I'm involved with someone Well
then you know how deeply committed I am to
the relationship relationship.
I see.
I hope I haven't offended you.
Only if getting the job is tied to my
romantic interest in you.
No, that was never a question.
The job is yours.
And please accept my apology if I've made
you feel uncomfortable.
And I've completely coded the centric so you can
reach each extension with a one or two digit number.
I made you number one.
Thank you, Andrew.
You know, I'd be happy to come to your
house and program your system.
My mom can run the dishwasher from the bathroom.
That's really something.
Will you excuse me?
Oh, okay.
That young man is in love with you.
Come on.
Trust me, his hormones are in flames.
Arnie, you're teasing me.
Don't break his heart, Rox.
All right, bye-bye.
Hi.
Hi.
I just heard the good news.
Congratulations.
Thanks, Stuart.
I, uh, I called you last night.
I guess you got in late, huh?
It was almost midnight.
I didn't want to wake you.
Nice flowers.
George Cromwell sent them.
Yeah, I know.
Look, I'm trying not to overreact here or
anything, but I'm, uh, I'm, I'm, I'm jealous of this guy.
Stuart, it was a pleasant dinner.
We discussed the case.
It was entirely professional.
And he just sends people entirely
professional $100 baskets of flowers, right?
Is that a crime?
It's not a crime, no.
You're making it sound as if I did something wrong.
No, Ann, I, I don't think you did anything wrong.
Want me to send them back?
No, I don't want you to send the flowers back, Ann.
I'm sorry, okay?
Maybe you would prefer it if I just didn't enjoy them?
Yeah, I think I would prefer that.
It's George Cromwell on 26.
Detective Zecchino, calling your attention
to the evening of July 10th, 1986.
Were you dispatched to an address at 416
Higueras Street in Culver City?
Yes, I was.
And why was that?
We received notification that a vehicle
believed to have been involved in a
hit-and-run accident had been recovered, and its registration
traced to an Ellen Pearl who resided at that address.
Detective, what happened when you arrived
at 416 Higuera Street?
We were admitted by a man matching the
description of the driver.
He identified himself as Mr. Joseph Sears.
Did you have occasion to question Mr. Sears at that time?
When I asked him to account for his whereabouts
at the time of the accident, he became abusive.
How so?
He made disparaging remarks about my
relations with an intimate member of my family.
Detective Zucchino, was there anything
about Mr. Sears' appearance or conduct
which indicated to you that he'd been drinking?
Objection.
Leading.
Overruled.
You may answer the question.
He was slurring his words, and I detected
the smell of alcohol on his breath.
Did you ask him to take a breathalyzer test?
Yes.
He refused.
And what happened then?
Well, believing there was sufficient evidence
that a crime had been committed, I advised Mr.
Sears of his constitutional
rights and placed him in custody.
Thank you, detective.
No further questions.
No questions, your honor.
State rest, your honor.
Mr. Kuzak?
Ready to proceed, your honor.
Call Ellen Pearl.
Miss Pearl, are you the owner of a 1978 Ford?
Oh, it used to belong to my late husband.
I know I should have sold it, but, well, I guess somewhere
I keep hoping I'll get better and can start driving again.
And yet you continue to maintain the vehicle
and keep it insured and registered in any case.
Oh, my nephew does.
As far as you know, does Mr. Sears ever drive your car?
Oh, why would he want to?
I mean, he has two cars of his own.
Does anyone have permission to drive your car, Miss Pearl?
Oh, there's the boy who lives across the
street and does my marketing.
I hang a nail.
I mean, I hang a key on a nail in the
garage, so if he needs the car, he can borrow it.
So really, any number of people could have
access to your car?
I don't understand.
Well, my point is that any number of
people could have taken the key down from
the nail and driven away in your car, is that correct?
Oh, no.
They're all very nice people.
None of them could have done this awful thing.
And it wasn't my nephew either.
And how do you know that?
Because he was with me the whole afternoon.
Oh, Your Honor, please, forgive an old
lady her infirmities, but it would be so
much easier if I could just explain what happened.
Your Honor.
Your Honor, wait a minute.
I'll allow the witness to proceed in a narrative fashion.
Uh, Miss Pearl?
Thank you.
My nephew took me to the beach that Saturday.
We were there the whole afternoon.
Yeah, he's so thoughtful.
He knows I get cooked up in that house all week.
Anyway.
Anyway, we had a little lunch,
and then we sat out in the open air.
So we couldn't have been in that accident.
At what hours were you and your nephew at the beach?
We left at 11 in the morning, and we got stuck in awful
traffic coming home, and we
didn't get back until nearly 5.30.
And the next thing I knew, we were having
a small cocktail, and suddenly the police
officers came and said that my car had
been in a terrible accident.
And then that
That's when they took Joseph away.
I'm sorry.
All.
Right.
Your Honor.
Approach the bench.
Approach.
If I could see you in chambers, Your Honor.
All right, Mr. Kuzak.
We're in recess.
Your Honor, I have reason to believe that
one of my witnesses has lied on the stand.
Did you knowingly present this alleged perjured testimony?
No, sir.
It came as a complete surprise to me.
The problem, then?
Well, now that this evidence has been
admitted, if I argue it in my jury
summation, it's like I'm putting my stamp
of approval on it.
So don't argue it.
Well, then I'd be shirking my
responsibility to zealously defend the client.
Then what do you want from me?
Remove me from the case.
You're no virgin, Mr. Kuzak.
You know if I relieve you and declare a
mistrial, I could be reversed by the
appellate court, which means your client
could go free because of double jeopardy,
on the other hand, as far as I can tell,
no judge has ever been reversed for
allowing purportedly perjured testimony,
if you won't relieve me, I'll withdraw,
and then Sears could get a new trial,
and what's the preventive from playing the
same time and money wasting game with
his next lawyer, and the one after that, no, Mr.
Kuzak, withdrawing is not the answer
to your dilemma, the answer is to
let the system work, you do your job, let the D.A.
do her job, and the jury will do their job
of sorting out the truth, the falsity of
the testimony, that's a comforting homily,
your honor, but you know as well as I that.
Sears will be acquitted, that sweet little
old lady had the jury eating out of the
palm of her hand, this was a Hirshberg
case, wasn't it, so what, so I'm going to
do you a big favor and take the problem
out of your hands, I'm ordering you back
into that courtroom, and if you refuse,
I'll cite you for contempt, okay,
now I'm the bad guy, and you're still the noble
torch carrier going forward in an imperfect world.
Oh, that doesn't solve much.
Witnesses lie on the stand every day, Mr. Kuzak.
You want to debate the ethical conundrum?
We'll have dinner after this thing is over.
In the meantime, let's just do our jobs, huh?
People are ready, your honor.
Mr. Kuzak, ready, your honor.
Mr. Perl, you testified that on the evening of July
10th you were visited by police officers, is that correct?
Yes.
Mr. Kuzak, are you all right?
Oh, yes, your honor, yes, uh, I'm fine.
Then let's move along.
I'm unwilling to proceed, your honor.
I'm withdrawing from this case.
What?
Do you understand the significance of what you're doing?
I do, sir.
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, we have a mistrial.
What that means is your obligation to this
court is concluded and you're free to go.
We thank you for your Patience and your
time and apologize that you were unable to
complete the work you were called here to do.
Mr. Sears, you have 10 days to get a new lawyer.
Then we'll schedule a hearing and set a
new trial date at that time.
Ms. Pearl, thank you.
You're excused.
Ladies and gentlemen, we'll see you all again.
Attorneys, approach.
You're really a piece of work, aren't you, Mr. Kuzak?
You're going to find out there's a price
to pay for everything.
You're in contempt of court.
Anything to say before I pronounce sentence?
Well, I assume I'll be granted the
automatic three-day stay, Your Honor.
You assume wrong, Mr. Kuzak.
Bailiff, take Mr. Kuzak into custody.
And by the way, while you're
serving your five-day sentence,
I'd like you to know I'm getting
an early start on my vacation.
I'm going skiing in Utah.
Think of me on the slopes, Mr. Kuzak, because I'm
going to be trying very hard not to be thinking of you.
How's your cell?
They got me in isolation.
You know, the deputy sheriff, he's all excited.
They can't remember when they had a former
DA in here before.
You're going to make the newsletter.
Great.
Look, Mike, I could go ahead and file a writ,
but the hard part is getting somebody to read it.
It's not real sharp getting hit with
contempt on a Friday afternoon.
But Mckenzie says he's going to find another
judge before everybody goes away for the weekend.
So if worse comes to worse, you going to be OK till Monday?
Well, Gracie and I were hoping to get away for the weekend.
Yeah, I think you're going to have to change your plans.
Hey, call her again for me, will you?
Sure thing.
Thanks, Victor.
Oh, one other favor.
I got a client who's scheduled to appear in
Division 40 at 3 O'clock, Lurleen Connors.
One of Suze's cases?
Yeah.
I made a deal for her, so all you got to
do is show up and plead her out.
But, uh, in the meantime, she's been
arrested on another charge, so if you just
get a continuance on that one,
I'll handle it when I get out, okay?
Why don't you let me just clean them both up?
That way, you get out of here, you don't
have to think about Sid Hirshberg anymore.
I hate to ask, Victor.
No hay problem a.
Oh, yeah, Mike, stay out of the shower room.
It's my understanding the D.A.
and defense counsel have come to agreement on a
plea bargain, a $200 fine and credit for time served.
Is that correct?
Yes, Your Honor.
Actually, Your Honor, the deal was cut with
Ms. Connors' previous attorney, Michael Kuzak.
So what are you saying?
You don't want the deal now?
Not necessarily.
It's merely if the court will peruse the
paperwork, Your Honor will notice that Ms.
So you're saying the D.A.
doesn't want the deal now?
Uh, actually, I was hoping that we could save
the court's time by consolidating the two cases.
Consolidate how?
$200 fine and credit for time served for both cases.
I beg your pardon?
In the interests of fairness and justice.
Kind of throw the last one in at no extra charge.
Would you care to enumerate exactly
what interests you're talking about, counselor?
Your Honor, my client was originally
represented by Sidney Hirshberg and was in
fact present in court when Mr. Hirshberg
tragically and violently took his own life.
Which unfortunate occurrence.
We all deeply regret, I'm sure.
And I may be missing something here, but I
still fail to see any issue of justice or fairness.
Can you not imagine the trauma my client
suffered witnessing this tragic event?
And can you not further imagine her even
more severe traumatization if you were to
deny my motion and leave her sentencing on
this second matter to the vagaries of some
less compassionate jurist who might even go so far as to
incarcerate her while still in
this fragile psychological state.
And given the fact that the court was
arguably negligent in appointing for her
an attorney well known for erratic and
dangerous behavior in the first place
Are you threatening a lawsuit, Mr. Sifuentes?
I'm merely stating the grievous wrongs the
criminal system has inflicted upon Ms.
Connors.
Not to mention her also being deprived of
her second attorney due to his present
incarceration at the hands of yet another of your brothers.
Mr. Handelman, do you have any feelings on this matter?
None, Your Honor.
None whatsoever.
I thought you went home.
I was just finishing up here.
Finishing up what?
It's dumb.
I mean, I
I was just sitting in his chair,
looking at his picture, wondering what it
would be like to be handsome, to have
women falling at my feet.
You have your own kind of handsomeness, Andrew.
Sure, king of the geeks.
Arnie would kill me if he knew that I was
showing this to you.
Arnie?
A fat boy with glasses.
People change.
Yeah, well, I'm a nerd at 18.
And I'll be a nerd at 30, and I'll be a nerd at 60.
God!
Yeah, you must think I'm a total wimp.
You're not a wimp.
You are sweet and sensitive.
Yeah, well, that and 50 bucks is the only
way that I'm ever gonna get a woman.
Is that all you want, Andrew, sex?
No.
I just want somebody to love me.
No.
Someday, believe me, someday when you're older,
there will be women who appreciate a man like you.
Really.
You'll be fighting them off.
Yeah.
I probably shouldn't say this.
Don't hate me for it.
I think I love you.
Andrew.
No, really.
Oops.
Sorry.
Oh, excuse me.
I got to go.
I told you, you're playing with fire.
He's seriously in love with you, Rox.
He's just a boy.
Well, his hormones don't know that.
He's feeling very real adult emotions.
Arnie, all he did is fix my phones.
The question is, are you going to fix his phones?
Would you stop?
You know, I was a young boy like Andrew once.
Low self-esteem.
Zits all over my face.
Christmas vacation, my family went to
Hawaii with the Boucher family.
God, she was mesmerizing.
Who?
Mrs. Boucher.
So elegant, so feline.
I'd do anything just to be around her,
just to smell her perfume.
Just before the big hotel luau,
I ordered three Tom Collins from room
service, and I chugged them down just for
the courage to ask her to dance.
She turned you down.
She never had a chance.
Mr. Boucher overheard me asking her and
started to make fun of me in front of my parents.
Most humiliating moment of my life.
What'd you do?
I ran.
I hid out by the pool on a chaise lounge
in the pitch black nursing my first hangover.
God, I felt like the loneliest person in the whole world.
I know what that's like.
Except suddenly, there she was.
Wearing this strapless, backless dress,
which I couldn't figure out how it stayed up.
I guess she had come looking for me.
She sat on my chaise, stroked my forehead.
She asked me if I was okay.
And I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I started to cry.
God, oh, oh, I was so embarrassed,
but she said that was okay.
She said I shouldn't be.
She said I was very sensitive and deep,
and she said I was a very old soul,
and someday women would appreciate a gentle man like me.
What happened?
Mrs. Boucher held me to her bosom, and she
comforted me, just like you were holding Andrew.
And that did it for the dress.
It just slithered down, and I guess I
started getting kind of grabby,
and she took my hand, and she told me to
slow down, and she showed me what to do.
And I started thinking, my God, this is it.
This is it.
I'm going to get sex.
And then, like she was reading my mind,
she whispers in my ear, and she says,
No, Arnie, I'm going to teach you all about love.
You mean right there?
Next morning, I woke up in my bed.
First, I thought it must have been a dream woman.
I had these waffle-wee black and blue marks all
over my legs, and my complexion was totally cleared up.
Did anyone ever find out?
Mm-mm.
After that one night, she pretended like it never happened.
But it was the most wonderful thing I've ever seen.
The most wonderful thing that ever happened to me.
What a sweet story.
Oh, boy, I gotta go.
Be gentle with him, okay?
I mean, I thought by this time tonight
we'd be halfway across the desert with the
top down and the stars over our heads and
we'd have the whole weekend to look forward to.
I mean, this is not exactly what I had in mind, Kuzak.
First, I do not see you for days on end.
It's not my fault.
Then, the first weekend in months, we have a chance to spend
some time together, and you get yourself thrown in jail.
It's not like I planned this, Grace.
I heard you goaded him.
You know me better than that.
Michael, ever since Sid Hirshberg killed
himself, I don't know if I know you anymore at all.
I don't know if I know myself anymore at all.
Talk to me, Michael.
I went for a walk during the lunch recess.
And I decided to compromise.
That I wouldn't use the old lady's
testimony in my jury summation.
So why didn't you?
I don't know.
I got back into court.
I started to pick up my direct examination of the old lady.
I opened my mouth to ask her a question.
And Sid Hirshberg came out.
What?
I know that this sounds nuts.
He's in me, Grace.
He's inside of me.
And I'm trying to understand him so that
he doesn't take me over.
Does that make any sense?
Oh, Mickey.
I'm so sorry.
No.
It's okay.
Hey, it's not so bad in here, really.
It sort of puts everything in limbo for a while.
Gives me a chance to sort of see where I am.
Yeah.
I love you so much.
That's all I can be sure about right now.
Visiting hours over, Counselor.
Visiting hours over, Counselor.
Previously on L.A.
Law.
I know how you get this time of year,
so I'll pick him up on Monday, okay?
Thank you.
Honey, I really do love you.
Everything's gonna be okay.
I'm 44 years old and I'm locked up in a rubber room.
I like you, Sid.
Even if you are nuts.
When I was in the hospital, you were the
only one to come to see me.
And I want you to know, it meant a lot.
Well, I'm just glad to see you back.
I'm, uh, in Division 50 this afternoon.
Why don't you come see me in action?
A friendly face, it's a nice thing to see.
Sid!
No!
Hi, Mike.
You want to tell me you're thinking?
You got a million drug busts backing up like sewage.
There aren't enough courtrooms to handle
your current caseload of axe murders,
and yet you continue to press for a jury
trial and a lousy hooker beef?
Hello, George.
How are you?
I'm fine, Mike.
Thanks.
Smog's a bitch, ain't it?
Can we cut through the crap here, please?
You want to slow down and tell me what
you're talking about?
Lurleen Connors.
This case never should have gone to court
in the first place.
And if it hadn't, there's an outside chance
that Sid Hirshberg would be alive today!
Sid wanted that trial, not me.
I often am a lousy fine and credit for time served,
so get the hell off my back before I knock you down.
I'm sorry.
I thought that Think again.
Well, is the offer still good?
Of course it is.
I'm looking to build a career on 50-buck
hooker trials, for God's sake.
George.
I'm sorry about the attitude.
I've been under a lot of pressure.
Forget it.
You took his caseload, didn't you?
Yeah.
Don't ask me why, because I don't know.
Yeah, I'll see you in court.
Mike.
You all right?
Yeah.
Why?
Because I'm not.
Ever since Sid ate his gun, I've been having nightmares.
I'm afraid to go to sleep at night.
I'm depressed.
I'm anxious.
I had to go back to my shrink.
That's the most awful thing I've ever seen in my life.
Man, it makes you stop and think about
stuff you don't want to stop and think about.
People versus Joseph Sears.
Hit and run vehicular manslaughter, Sid Hirshberg's case.
People versus Connors, a prostitute.
Sid Hirshberg.
How about it, Mike?
Do you want me to take one of them for you?
It's under control.
Just because the man's dead is no reason
for us to pick up every case he ever handled.
It's just these two cases and I'm doing them.
You don't like it, too bad.
What about Cromwell Aircraft?
Please not again.
Excuse me.
You've been saying that for a week.
We spend thousands of dollars updating our
phone system and all we get is chaos.
Douglas, I've got a client sitting in my
office who's a computer genius.
Forget it.
This is sophisticated equipment.
Not a toy for some computer hack.
No, the kid's a whiz.
He can have his phone mess straightened
out in a couple of hours.
I think I know what it is now.
Mm-hmm.
Back to Cromwell Aircraft.
This is a huge chance for us to land a major, major client.
George Cromwell will be in town this afternoon
to interview the five biggest firms in the city and us.
How do we rate?
The vice president is a friend of mine.
He was kind enough to put us on the list.
He was also good enough to give me a
profile on Mr. Cromwell.
This should give us an edge at this afternoon's meeting.
This is major litigation, and I don't want
to blow it, Michael, just because our top
trial lawyer is too busy with one of Sid
Hirshberg's streetwalkers.
I can handle it, Douglas.
Mm-hmm.
Well, just the same.
Hey, let's have Ann give you some backup on this.
I'd like the two of you to review this file
and reconvene in my office in 15 minutes.
That's it.
We're adjourned.
Mike, I was serious in there.
Let me take some of the weight off.
I'm okay.
You sure?
You look like hell.
What did I just say, Victor?
Hey, you were standing 10 feet away from a
guy who blew out his own brains.
I just think now's a good time to take a
couple of days off, you know?
Take the long weekend.
Look, when I want your advice, I will ask for it, okay?
Look, Mr. Kuzak, uh, I've been thinking
Yeah, I've been thinking the whole thing over.
And, uh, well, here's the brainstorm.
How about when my aunt gets up to you to
testify about the car registration?
I get her to say that we were together all afternoon.
Say we went to the beach or something.
Subwarning perjury is not the way I do business, Mr. Sears.
Right.
I'll tell you one thing.
Sid Hirshberg would not have given me a hard time.
If you are not happy with the way I'm representing
you, feel free to find yourself another lawyer.
You think you can get me off?
Prosecution has to prove guilt beyond a reasonable doubt.
You don't think they can?
Their whole case comes down to showing that you
were driving your aunt's car at the time of the accident.
And all they have to establish that is one
unreliable eyewitness.
What about the videotape?
Obviously, I will try again to have that excluded.
But even if they show it, the images are
so murky that it's
it's less than convincing.
So you think 50-50?
Hmm?
50-50?
Oh, I think actually better than that.
Look, Mr. Sears, I understand.
I understand your concern, and I assure you
that I will give you the best defense I legally can.
But, um, if you'll excuse me, I got to run.
I'm late for a meeting.
All right.
I'll see you in court.
Wear a coat and tie.
Why is he meeting with everyone at the same time?
I never heard of anything like that.
Well, he's pressed for time.
It's the only way he's able to see everyone.
What a bunch of crap.
You have to be at this meeting.
Okay.
What's Cromwell going to think?
Douglas, I have a 995 motion scheduled.
I'll go to the meeting, and I'll explain to Mr. Cromwell
that my chief litigator is in court and can't
I think I should go, Leland.
I've read this guy's profile, and he thinks
of senior partners as self-contented and fat.
Not that you are, but he likes the hungry
fighter type, and that's me.
But a fight may not be what's needed here.
This case should probably be settled.
Excuse me, did we read the same file?
How many civil cases have you won, Ann?
Besides which, this should be a simple insurance matter.
Michael, if you read the file
carefully, then you would know that Mr.
Cromwell is refusing to settle.
And frankly, I agree with him.
The FAA said it was human error.
There was nothing wrong with the jet.
And if he settles this one, he's on the
hook for the five other deaths as well.
Product liability can drag on forever.
With the discovery, the expense, I say
it makes more sense to avoid the war.
But he has already decided to go to war.
What he's shopping for now is a soldier.
If we tell him to shy away from the
battle, he's just going to hire another gun.
Fine.
You want to take this on?
Be my guest.
My call.
Look, do what you want.
Send me a memo.
I'm late.
I can handle this, Leland.
I think I've got a feeling for this guy.
Okay.
Meet me here at 3.30 and we'll head over.
Leland, let me bang the drum alone.
Trust me, I will get you this client.
And in light of the fact that
this is his first defense, Your.
Honor, I request that you accept our joint recommendation.
Defendant pleads guilty to count one.
Counts two through seven are dismissed.
I don't take computer fraud lightly, counselor.
Your client accessed the records of the telephone
company and deleted all his friend's phone bills.
As Christmas presents, Your Honor,
he didn't act for personal gain.
I see.
Defendant, please rise.
Step up to the bench.
Son, you're 18 years old.
From the things you pulled here,
I can see you're a very gifted young man.
I think you do well to take advantage of your
talent and not fall victim to your boyish mischief.
I'm going to Grant your lawyer's request
and drop the remaining six counts in the
sincere hope that you use your special skills to
accomplish all the good things you're capable of.
Please don't disappoint me.
Formal sentencing take place and defendant
meets with probation and I get the report.
Thank you, Your Honor.
Andrew, about your legal fees.
Yeah?
Well, I think I've got to wait for you to work it off.
You really that good with telephones?
Am I good?
Here, watch this.
What are you doing?
This is just to get by all the security checks.
Listen, may I help you?
Yes, is President Reagan in?
I came out of the video store and walked
across the street to my car.
So you had a clear view of the crosswalk?
Yes.
Mrs. Fields, would you please tell us what happened next?
The young lady was in the crosswalk, and then
the car came out of nowhere and knocked her down.
It didn't even stop.
He kept right on going.
Mrs. Fields, I know this all happened very
fast, but did you get a good look at the driver?
He was a white man, about 40 years old.
He had a mustache.
Would you recognize him if you saw him again?
I believe I could.
Do you see him today in this courtroom?
Yes.
Right there.
Please stand, sir.
And, uh, state your name for the record.
Jason Cooper, your honor.
What?
The record will indicate, your honor,
that the witnesses failed to identify the
defendant, Joseph Sears, who is sitting right behind me.
Mr. Cooper is a paralegal working in my office.
He's assisting me on this case.
Your honor, I ask that Mr. Kuzak be
sanctioned for this deceptive maneuver.
Hey, I do not have to tolerate that.
Uh, take it easy, Mr. Kuzak.
Continue, Miss, uh, Golkowski.
They look a lot alike.
I agree.
Objection.
Withdrawn.
Mrs. Fields, I show you a photograph and
ask you if you recognize it.
Yes.
The police showed me about ten pictures on
the night of the accident.
I picked this one out as being the man driving the car.
At this time, I would like to
introduce into evidence a picture of Mr.
Joseph Sears taken at the Culver City
Police Department at the time of booking.
No objection, Your Honor.
No further questions for Mrs. Fields, Your Honor.
No questions.
You may step down.
Your Honor, at this time, I would like to ask for a brief
recess in order to give me time to set up the video monitor.
And I would like to restate my objection
to the introduction of the videotape on
the grounds that it's inflammatory and there's
nothing to tie the events recorded to my client.
Thank you, Mr. Kuzak.
Motion denied.
We'll take a ten-minute recess.
What are you doing here?
I'm just being sociable.
I had a free hour.
Like hell, you're babysitting me.
Take it easy, Mike.
So what did I do?
Do I get your approval?
Come on, we got a break.
Let's get a cup of coffee or something.
Get out of here, Victor.
Let me get my job done.
See, I was having trouble with the light meter.
That's the salesman next to my girlfriend.
It's at this point you can see the lady go around them.
And then I lose her for a minute.
Slow the tape, please.
And that's where he hit her.
Since my grandfather, a direct descendant of Oliver
Wendell Holmes, began this firm over a hundred years ago.
Ambrone and Fine have been regarded as one of
the finest and most prestigious firms in this country.
But I want to be honest.
The integrity and reputation of every firm
here today is beyond reproach,
and you will be well represented whichever you choose.
But if you'll look through those national
legal publications I've given you,
you'll see that our performance record,
is at the very top, and if you truly
believe that Cromwell Aircraft deserves
the best, well, here we are.
Thank you.
Miss Kelsey?
My firm, Mr. Cromwell, hasn't been around
for a hundred years, and I haven't read
anything about us in the national
journals, but I have read this complaint,
and I can tell you, you don't have to be a
descendant of Oliver Wendell Holmes to
know that this thing stinks it's tragic
that the pilot and those five passengers
died and I don't doubt that we all
sympathize with their families but the
fact remains this tragedy was not your
fault and I'm dismayed that anyone in this
room would even think about entering into
settlement discussions a trial is war and
they're supposed to be casualties and if
I'm confronted by an empty complaint like
this I don't go out waltzing with
settlement feelers have you thought about
the cost of such a litigation miss Kelsey
yes I've thought about the cost mr
marathoo I've also I also thought about the fact that
McMay and Kramer is here with two partners and an associate.
If the meter was running, an hour and a
half meeting with an hour travel time
would bring your firm's bill for this
little get-together to almost $1,500.
$1,500 and all he tells you is to think
about rolling over on a worthless bluff.
I'm here by myself, saying more and prepared to do more.
And my time for this meeting would run you about $300.
These are all great firms, Mr. Cromwell,
and they're absolutely right.
If you want fine, respectable representation with
years of tradition backing you up, pick one of them.
But if you want a firm that despises
defeat, if you want someone who will stick
it right back to shameless lawyers rolling
the dice for litigious clients,
if you want to win, then we're it, Mr. Cromwell.
We're it.
I was a jerk.
Damn near bit his head off, and it turns
out it was Sid Hirshberg who wanted a trial.
Sid Hirshberg wanted an audience.
You look awful, mister.
Would everybody get off my back?
All I need to do is make it to the
weekend, get a little rest, and I'll be okay.
But why are you doing this to yourself?
You don't need his scuzzy cases.
Grace, please don't lecture me.
Okay.
Thank you.
If you're interested, I've pulled a favor.
Lou Corrigan's gonna take my Friday night shift.
We can hit the road by five.
Be in Palm Springs at 7.30.
We'll spend the weekend eating,
sleeping, sunning, groping each other.
What do you say, stranger?
Sounds great.
Great.
I gotta go.
But you sit as long as you want.
Think about life.
Think about death.
And don't forget to turn the lights out when you leave.
See?
And by bypassing the main board,
each extension has a direct connection.
Now, here is a neat little feature that I
put in just for you.
See?
It's this
Excuse me.
It's this foot pedal right here,
and it's connected to the voice terminal.
So now you don't have to use a free hand to answer a call.
Right?
So, uh, you're typing.
Oh, God.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
And, um, you can't reach.
You just, you just hit the pedal with your
foot, and there it is.
Now, let's talk call forward.
Who is that boy dismantling our phones?
Brackman.
Mr. Sifuentes brought him in.
I want him out.
Are you kidding?
Thanks to him, it's the first time these
phones have worked in a week.
You see, sir, what it is that I'm doing is
that by eliminating the direct dial,
office communications won't be racking up message units.
Should save the firm about $12,000 annually.
Oh.
Now, Ms. Melman, how about a nice little override system?
Any intercept tone you want?
No, thank you.
There's really no trouble at all.
You know, if you want, I could hook up a nice
monitor screen right here so that you could get cable.
No trouble.
Ann, how'd it go?
Um, I think we got a good shot.
Look, I'm sorry about this morning.
It's okay.
Let me change a few appointments.
I ought to be able to free up some time tomorrow
for breakfast if Cromwell wants to sit down with me.
It's okay.
I mean, everything's under control.
Ann.
Michael, Lillian Connors is on the phone for you.
I'll call her back.
She's calling from jail, Mike.
Stuart.
Hang on a second.
Ann.
Hi.
Listen, I gotta break dinner.
You're being rude?
George Cromwell wants me to meet with him.
No kidding.
That's great.
I mean, that sounds really promising.
You sure you don't mind?
Well, I can probably find somebody to keep me busy.
Knock him dead.
Couldn't you at least have waited until we
pled you out on the other beef?
A person has to eat, counselor.
Bail per schedule, $2,500.
Talk to Barney's bail bonds.
Ask for Barney Rossetti personally.
He'll take care of it.
The arraignment is tomorrow afternoon.
I may have to ask for a continuance.
No problem.
And by the by, is it okay if I pay you like I paid Sid?
Look, uh, why don't you just pay me
tomorrow with the arraignment, okay?
You sure?
Well, how did you and Sid do it?
Usually in his car.
Our safety record speaks for itself.
That plane is one of the safest in the sky
if you've been trained to pilot it.
I know.
I went over every inch of it myself.
You're a deep pocket, Mr. Cromwell.
Those lawyers probably think they can
flush out some quick money.
But you think we can win.
I do.
Furthermore, I think there's a chance that
they'll fold before we get to court.
But it's critical that we communicate
right from the outset that we mean business.
Well, I must say, I have a very good
feeling about us working together.
I'm very impressed with your intensity, your
grasp of the subject, your competitiveness, your eyes,
your grace, and your I should tell you
George that I'm involved with someone Well
then you know how deeply committed I am to
the relationship relationship.
I see.
I hope I haven't offended you.
Only if getting the job is tied to my
romantic interest in you.
No, that was never a question.
The job is yours.
And please accept my apology if I've made
you feel uncomfortable.
And I've completely coded the centric so you can
reach each extension with a one or two digit number.
I made you number one.
Thank you, Andrew.
You know, I'd be happy to come to your
house and program your system.
My mom can run the dishwasher from the bathroom.
That's really something.
Will you excuse me?
Oh, okay.
That young man is in love with you.
Come on.
Trust me, his hormones are in flames.
Arnie, you're teasing me.
Don't break his heart, Rox.
All right, bye-bye.
Hi.
Hi.
I just heard the good news.
Congratulations.
Thanks, Stuart.
I, uh, I called you last night.
I guess you got in late, huh?
It was almost midnight.
I didn't want to wake you.
Nice flowers.
George Cromwell sent them.
Yeah, I know.
Look, I'm trying not to overreact here or
anything, but I'm, uh, I'm, I'm, I'm jealous of this guy.
Stuart, it was a pleasant dinner.
We discussed the case.
It was entirely professional.
And he just sends people entirely
professional $100 baskets of flowers, right?
Is that a crime?
It's not a crime, no.
You're making it sound as if I did something wrong.
No, Ann, I, I don't think you did anything wrong.
Want me to send them back?
No, I don't want you to send the flowers back, Ann.
I'm sorry, okay?
Maybe you would prefer it if I just didn't enjoy them?
Yeah, I think I would prefer that.
It's George Cromwell on 26.
Detective Zecchino, calling your attention
to the evening of July 10th, 1986.
Were you dispatched to an address at 416
Higueras Street in Culver City?
Yes, I was.
And why was that?
We received notification that a vehicle
believed to have been involved in a
hit-and-run accident had been recovered, and its registration
traced to an Ellen Pearl who resided at that address.
Detective, what happened when you arrived
at 416 Higuera Street?
We were admitted by a man matching the
description of the driver.
He identified himself as Mr. Joseph Sears.
Did you have occasion to question Mr. Sears at that time?
When I asked him to account for his whereabouts
at the time of the accident, he became abusive.
How so?
He made disparaging remarks about my
relations with an intimate member of my family.
Detective Zucchino, was there anything
about Mr. Sears' appearance or conduct
which indicated to you that he'd been drinking?
Objection.
Leading.
Overruled.
You may answer the question.
He was slurring his words, and I detected
the smell of alcohol on his breath.
Did you ask him to take a breathalyzer test?
Yes.
He refused.
And what happened then?
Well, believing there was sufficient evidence
that a crime had been committed, I advised Mr.
Sears of his constitutional
rights and placed him in custody.
Thank you, detective.
No further questions.
No questions, your honor.
State rest, your honor.
Mr. Kuzak?
Ready to proceed, your honor.
Call Ellen Pearl.
Miss Pearl, are you the owner of a 1978 Ford?
Oh, it used to belong to my late husband.
I know I should have sold it, but, well, I guess somewhere
I keep hoping I'll get better and can start driving again.
And yet you continue to maintain the vehicle
and keep it insured and registered in any case.
Oh, my nephew does.
As far as you know, does Mr. Sears ever drive your car?
Oh, why would he want to?
I mean, he has two cars of his own.
Does anyone have permission to drive your car, Miss Pearl?
Oh, there's the boy who lives across the
street and does my marketing.
I hang a nail.
I mean, I hang a key on a nail in the
garage, so if he needs the car, he can borrow it.
So really, any number of people could have
access to your car?
I don't understand.
Well, my point is that any number of
people could have taken the key down from
the nail and driven away in your car, is that correct?
Oh, no.
They're all very nice people.
None of them could have done this awful thing.
And it wasn't my nephew either.
And how do you know that?
Because he was with me the whole afternoon.
Oh, Your Honor, please, forgive an old
lady her infirmities, but it would be so
much easier if I could just explain what happened.
Your Honor.
Your Honor, wait a minute.
I'll allow the witness to proceed in a narrative fashion.
Uh, Miss Pearl?
Thank you.
My nephew took me to the beach that Saturday.
We were there the whole afternoon.
Yeah, he's so thoughtful.
He knows I get cooked up in that house all week.
Anyway.
Anyway, we had a little lunch,
and then we sat out in the open air.
So we couldn't have been in that accident.
At what hours were you and your nephew at the beach?
We left at 11 in the morning, and we got stuck in awful
traffic coming home, and we
didn't get back until nearly 5.30.
And the next thing I knew, we were having
a small cocktail, and suddenly the police
officers came and said that my car had
been in a terrible accident.
And then that
That's when they took Joseph away.
I'm sorry.
All.
Right.
Your Honor.
Approach the bench.
Approach.
If I could see you in chambers, Your Honor.
All right, Mr. Kuzak.
We're in recess.
Your Honor, I have reason to believe that
one of my witnesses has lied on the stand.
Did you knowingly present this alleged perjured testimony?
No, sir.
It came as a complete surprise to me.
The problem, then?
Well, now that this evidence has been
admitted, if I argue it in my jury
summation, it's like I'm putting my stamp
of approval on it.
So don't argue it.
Well, then I'd be shirking my
responsibility to zealously defend the client.
Then what do you want from me?
Remove me from the case.
You're no virgin, Mr. Kuzak.
You know if I relieve you and declare a
mistrial, I could be reversed by the
appellate court, which means your client
could go free because of double jeopardy,
on the other hand, as far as I can tell,
no judge has ever been reversed for
allowing purportedly perjured testimony,
if you won't relieve me, I'll withdraw,
and then Sears could get a new trial,
and what's the preventive from playing the
same time and money wasting game with
his next lawyer, and the one after that, no, Mr.
Kuzak, withdrawing is not the answer
to your dilemma, the answer is to
let the system work, you do your job, let the D.A.
do her job, and the jury will do their job
of sorting out the truth, the falsity of
the testimony, that's a comforting homily,
your honor, but you know as well as I that.
Sears will be acquitted, that sweet little
old lady had the jury eating out of the
palm of her hand, this was a Hirshberg
case, wasn't it, so what, so I'm going to
do you a big favor and take the problem
out of your hands, I'm ordering you back
into that courtroom, and if you refuse,
I'll cite you for contempt, okay,
now I'm the bad guy, and you're still the noble
torch carrier going forward in an imperfect world.
Oh, that doesn't solve much.
Witnesses lie on the stand every day, Mr. Kuzak.
You want to debate the ethical conundrum?
We'll have dinner after this thing is over.
In the meantime, let's just do our jobs, huh?
People are ready, your honor.
Mr. Kuzak, ready, your honor.
Mr. Perl, you testified that on the evening of July
10th you were visited by police officers, is that correct?
Yes.
Mr. Kuzak, are you all right?
Oh, yes, your honor, yes, uh, I'm fine.
Then let's move along.
I'm unwilling to proceed, your honor.
I'm withdrawing from this case.
What?
Do you understand the significance of what you're doing?
I do, sir.
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, we have a mistrial.
What that means is your obligation to this
court is concluded and you're free to go.
We thank you for your Patience and your
time and apologize that you were unable to
complete the work you were called here to do.
Mr. Sears, you have 10 days to get a new lawyer.
Then we'll schedule a hearing and set a
new trial date at that time.
Ms. Pearl, thank you.
You're excused.
Ladies and gentlemen, we'll see you all again.
Attorneys, approach.
You're really a piece of work, aren't you, Mr. Kuzak?
You're going to find out there's a price
to pay for everything.
You're in contempt of court.
Anything to say before I pronounce sentence?
Well, I assume I'll be granted the
automatic three-day stay, Your Honor.
You assume wrong, Mr. Kuzak.
Bailiff, take Mr. Kuzak into custody.
And by the way, while you're
serving your five-day sentence,
I'd like you to know I'm getting
an early start on my vacation.
I'm going skiing in Utah.
Think of me on the slopes, Mr. Kuzak, because I'm
going to be trying very hard not to be thinking of you.
How's your cell?
They got me in isolation.
You know, the deputy sheriff, he's all excited.
They can't remember when they had a former
DA in here before.
You're going to make the newsletter.
Great.
Look, Mike, I could go ahead and file a writ,
but the hard part is getting somebody to read it.
It's not real sharp getting hit with
contempt on a Friday afternoon.
But Mckenzie says he's going to find another
judge before everybody goes away for the weekend.
So if worse comes to worse, you going to be OK till Monday?
Well, Gracie and I were hoping to get away for the weekend.
Yeah, I think you're going to have to change your plans.
Hey, call her again for me, will you?
Sure thing.
Thanks, Victor.
Oh, one other favor.
I got a client who's scheduled to appear in
Division 40 at 3 O'clock, Lurleen Connors.
One of Suze's cases?
Yeah.
I made a deal for her, so all you got to
do is show up and plead her out.
But, uh, in the meantime, she's been
arrested on another charge, so if you just
get a continuance on that one,
I'll handle it when I get out, okay?
Why don't you let me just clean them both up?
That way, you get out of here, you don't
have to think about Sid Hirshberg anymore.
I hate to ask, Victor.
No hay problem a.
Oh, yeah, Mike, stay out of the shower room.
It's my understanding the D.A.
and defense counsel have come to agreement on a
plea bargain, a $200 fine and credit for time served.
Is that correct?
Yes, Your Honor.
Actually, Your Honor, the deal was cut with
Ms. Connors' previous attorney, Michael Kuzak.
So what are you saying?
You don't want the deal now?
Not necessarily.
It's merely if the court will peruse the
paperwork, Your Honor will notice that Ms.
So you're saying the D.A.
doesn't want the deal now?
Uh, actually, I was hoping that we could save
the court's time by consolidating the two cases.
Consolidate how?
$200 fine and credit for time served for both cases.
I beg your pardon?
In the interests of fairness and justice.
Kind of throw the last one in at no extra charge.
Would you care to enumerate exactly
what interests you're talking about, counselor?
Your Honor, my client was originally
represented by Sidney Hirshberg and was in
fact present in court when Mr. Hirshberg
tragically and violently took his own life.
Which unfortunate occurrence.
We all deeply regret, I'm sure.
And I may be missing something here, but I
still fail to see any issue of justice or fairness.
Can you not imagine the trauma my client
suffered witnessing this tragic event?
And can you not further imagine her even
more severe traumatization if you were to
deny my motion and leave her sentencing on
this second matter to the vagaries of some
less compassionate jurist who might even go so far as to
incarcerate her while still in
this fragile psychological state.
And given the fact that the court was
arguably negligent in appointing for her
an attorney well known for erratic and
dangerous behavior in the first place
Are you threatening a lawsuit, Mr. Sifuentes?
I'm merely stating the grievous wrongs the
criminal system has inflicted upon Ms.
Connors.
Not to mention her also being deprived of
her second attorney due to his present
incarceration at the hands of yet another of your brothers.
Mr. Handelman, do you have any feelings on this matter?
None, Your Honor.
None whatsoever.
I thought you went home.
I was just finishing up here.
Finishing up what?
It's dumb.
I mean, I
I was just sitting in his chair,
looking at his picture, wondering what it
would be like to be handsome, to have
women falling at my feet.
You have your own kind of handsomeness, Andrew.
Sure, king of the geeks.
Arnie would kill me if he knew that I was
showing this to you.
Arnie?
A fat boy with glasses.
People change.
Yeah, well, I'm a nerd at 18.
And I'll be a nerd at 30, and I'll be a nerd at 60.
God!
Yeah, you must think I'm a total wimp.
You're not a wimp.
You are sweet and sensitive.
Yeah, well, that and 50 bucks is the only
way that I'm ever gonna get a woman.
Is that all you want, Andrew, sex?
No.
I just want somebody to love me.
No.
Someday, believe me, someday when you're older,
there will be women who appreciate a man like you.
Really.
You'll be fighting them off.
Yeah.
I probably shouldn't say this.
Don't hate me for it.
I think I love you.
Andrew.
No, really.
Oops.
Sorry.
Oh, excuse me.
I got to go.
I told you, you're playing with fire.
He's seriously in love with you, Rox.
He's just a boy.
Well, his hormones don't know that.
He's feeling very real adult emotions.
Arnie, all he did is fix my phones.
The question is, are you going to fix his phones?
Would you stop?
You know, I was a young boy like Andrew once.
Low self-esteem.
Zits all over my face.
Christmas vacation, my family went to
Hawaii with the Boucher family.
God, she was mesmerizing.
Who?
Mrs. Boucher.
So elegant, so feline.
I'd do anything just to be around her,
just to smell her perfume.
Just before the big hotel luau,
I ordered three Tom Collins from room
service, and I chugged them down just for
the courage to ask her to dance.
She turned you down.
She never had a chance.
Mr. Boucher overheard me asking her and
started to make fun of me in front of my parents.
Most humiliating moment of my life.
What'd you do?
I ran.
I hid out by the pool on a chaise lounge
in the pitch black nursing my first hangover.
God, I felt like the loneliest person in the whole world.
I know what that's like.
Except suddenly, there she was.
Wearing this strapless, backless dress,
which I couldn't figure out how it stayed up.
I guess she had come looking for me.
She sat on my chaise, stroked my forehead.
She asked me if I was okay.
And I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I started to cry.
God, oh, oh, I was so embarrassed,
but she said that was okay.
She said I shouldn't be.
She said I was very sensitive and deep,
and she said I was a very old soul,
and someday women would appreciate a gentle man like me.
What happened?
Mrs. Boucher held me to her bosom, and she
comforted me, just like you were holding Andrew.
And that did it for the dress.
It just slithered down, and I guess I
started getting kind of grabby,
and she took my hand, and she told me to
slow down, and she showed me what to do.
And I started thinking, my God, this is it.
This is it.
I'm going to get sex.
And then, like she was reading my mind,
she whispers in my ear, and she says,
No, Arnie, I'm going to teach you all about love.
You mean right there?
Next morning, I woke up in my bed.
First, I thought it must have been a dream woman.
I had these waffle-wee black and blue marks all
over my legs, and my complexion was totally cleared up.
Did anyone ever find out?
Mm-mm.
After that one night, she pretended like it never happened.
But it was the most wonderful thing I've ever seen.
The most wonderful thing that ever happened to me.
What a sweet story.
Oh, boy, I gotta go.
Be gentle with him, okay?
I mean, I thought by this time tonight
we'd be halfway across the desert with the
top down and the stars over our heads and
we'd have the whole weekend to look forward to.
I mean, this is not exactly what I had in mind, Kuzak.
First, I do not see you for days on end.
It's not my fault.
Then, the first weekend in months, we have a chance to spend
some time together, and you get yourself thrown in jail.
It's not like I planned this, Grace.
I heard you goaded him.
You know me better than that.
Michael, ever since Sid Hirshberg killed
himself, I don't know if I know you anymore at all.
I don't know if I know myself anymore at all.
Talk to me, Michael.
I went for a walk during the lunch recess.
And I decided to compromise.
That I wouldn't use the old lady's
testimony in my jury summation.
So why didn't you?
I don't know.
I got back into court.
I started to pick up my direct examination of the old lady.
I opened my mouth to ask her a question.
And Sid Hirshberg came out.
What?
I know that this sounds nuts.
He's in me, Grace.
He's inside of me.
And I'm trying to understand him so that
he doesn't take me over.
Does that make any sense?
Oh, Mickey.
I'm so sorry.
No.
It's okay.
Hey, it's not so bad in here, really.
It sort of puts everything in limbo for a while.
Gives me a chance to sort of see where I am.
Yeah.
I love you so much.
That's all I can be sure about right now.
Visiting hours over, Counselor.
Visiting hours over, Counselor.