Leanne (2025) s01e13 Episode Script

1
Starting to feel like there's
a church bake sale every other week.
I hope this one's to raise money
for diabetes because we are ground zero.
This is apple pie. It's healthy.
That's what you said about apple brandy
when we were teething.
Mom, do you have any
of my bridesmaid's dresses in your closet?
The last time I had a size 2
in my closet was never.
Look at all these beautiful gowns.
You want to buy one?
I'm selling them on eBay
or I'm burning them for fun.
- How many weddings have you been in?
- I've lost count.
All anyone around here does
is get married and have babies.
That was the best time of my life.
Enjoy it, because soon it'll just be
hormone replacement and colonoscopies.
Your turn's coming, Josie.
You're just a little bit behind.
It's not like growing boobs, Grandma.
Those'll come too.
I'm still waiting for mine.
You know, this blush pink is
the exact color I wanted for my wedding.
One of my biggest heartbreaks
was not having my special day.
We know.
You and Daddy had to do it at City Hall
before he got shipped out.
Grandpa and I had to go to City Hall
before he shipped out…
On his way to Vietnam.
…on his way to Vietnam.
I still have my wedding book
with all my plans, the colors,
the music, the food.
I wanted a white wedding cake
with pearl trim.
Real pearls, not those candies.
- Can one of us leave?
- Go ahead.
And I was gonna have my hair up
in a beehive like Priscilla Presley.
And I wanted a little peau de soie,
French heels.
And, maybe a sweetheart neckline.
No, I'd have to have like
a Merry Widow bra for that, though.
And then I could also have
some sweet peas in my bouquet
because they smell so sweet,
hence the name.
And maybe have those…
Quick question.
Do your gums always bleed when you floss?
- No.
- Okay. Mine neither.
Doesn't it break your heart
seeing how sad Mama gets
when she talks about not having a wedding?
Not really. She pulls that story out
once a year. It was due for a lap.
Where's your romance?
Weddings are magical.
Yeah, you're right. Weddings are a blast.
It's marriage that blows.
Well, there was a time when I would have
argued with that, but I married Bill.
All right, good night.
Remember how beautiful
Tyler's wedding was out in the backyard?
As I recall, you took to the bed
because your precious baby boy
was leaving you for another woman.
I came downstairs.
Eventually.
Yes, and when Tyler said, "I do,"
you whimpered like you got your foot
caught in a bear trap.
Well, despite all of that,
it's a day everyone still talks about,
and I just hate that Mama didn't get hers.
I'm thinking…
Don't.
- What if…
- No.
We throw Mom and Daddy
a wedding right here?
Come on.
It'll be fun.
You always say that. It never is.
They're not gonna be here forever.
Here we go.
Won't you feel guilty if you could've done
one small, wonderful thing for them,
and you didn't?
Why do you always have to save the day?
It's what I do.
No, it's what we do,
'cause you always drag me into it.
I'm hearing "yes."
I just came in to ask
about my bleeding gums.
I can't believe
you girls are doing this for us.
I'm confused. We're already married.
I know, Daddy,
but you didn't have a real wedding.
Well, the city clerk stamped our license
and we went and got a bucket of chicken.
What's not real about that?
That's great, Daddy.
Finger-lickin' romantic.
I finally get to have my big day.
It was my idea.
I was looking at the calendar,
and I thought we could plan it for spring.
That's so far away.
We don't even know
if we're gonna be breathing next week.
Good point. No wedding.
We'll do it Saturday.
Saturday as in next Saturday?
Look at you, Miss Saving-the-Day.
That's a lot to pull together
in such short notice.
Well, don't dangle a dream in my face
only to take it away.
Saturday it is.
Carol, fetch me my wedding book.
It's on the shelf next to Banjo's ashes.
- I miss Banjo.
- Best dog.
I got my gallbladder removed.
Should I do that again too?
Only if it wasn't everything
you've always dreamed of.
Hefty little sucker.
It's got all my wishes
that never came true.
Wow, Mama. Very thorough.
I'll tell you right now,
I ain't wearing no monkey suit.
Yes, you are.
And apparently with a top hat.
This day just gone to hell.
Roy Orbison live might be a little tricky,
considering he's not.
But we can definitely do a barbecue.
Bill can do it.
What?
He did such a wonderful job
with Tyler's wedding.
That's true, and everyone
still talks about that day.
I really don't want my ex-husband there.
Well, you're not the bride.
I am.
Is there an age cap on bridezillas?
It's at Leanne's house.
All are welcome,
but we're getting hitched.
We are hitched. Paws off, Bernie.
Good Lord, I've unleashed the kraken.
She's inviting the entire congregation.
Remind me.
How many people were at Tyler's wedding?
Thirty-five.
It's gonna be like Woodstock with walkers.
- Hi, ladies.
- Hey, Mary.
I'll buy a Dutch apple
and be over tomorrow so you can
show me where I'll be performing.
Performing?
Well, your mother has asked me to sing
"Music of the Night" from Phantom.
And I'll bring my fiddle
for some ambiance during crowd load in.
If you're taking requests,
I love "Devil Went Down to Georgia."
You would.
Josie, I hear you're
gonna be the flower girl.
What?
What?
Well, at least you're not the bridesmaid.
Flower girl? I'm 30 years old.
Thirty already?
And still single.
It's okay.
I know.
Okay, see you tomorrow.
Want to take her to the parking lot?
I'll hold her down.
You can stomp on her fiddle hand.
Josie, come over here.
I want to show off my flower girl.
Can we take Grandma
to the parking lot too?
- Did you tell Tyler he's ring bearer?
- No, I don't have time for that.
I'm officiating the ceremony,
and so far all I've got is,
"Please be seated."
Carol, we need more flyers.
Kraken.
Y'all know what's at stake.
We've got a 60-year-old dream
in the making.
Hearts are on the line,
one with a pacemaker.
I know I got us all into this,
but I will get us through it.
It's a vow renewal.
We're not taking out Bin Laden.
Leanne's right. We are a family
that works well under pressure.
We are no longer a family,
but yes, we do work well under pressure.
Tyler, what's your position?
Secure chairs and tables from the church.
And?
Say it.
Carry rings on a small velvet pillow.
Get to it.
Josie.
Hair and makeup for the bride.
And throwing petals.
Good, and get all that moping
out of your system
because come Saturday
you will be smiling like the corn queen.
Bill.
The grill master is in the hizzy, yo.
You're a white middle-aged man, yo.
I'll have my setup in the garage,
where pork butts will be getting deeply
injected with my proprietary hog butter.
That how you got Faye pregnant?
You gonna give me a hard time
about "hizzy," but that's okay?
Just go.
- Carol.
- I'm waiting for the florist.
Well, I'm here.
I was just afraid to come in
during that speech.
Hey, Stephen. I'm Carol.
We spoke on the phone.
This is my sister, Leanne.
Pleasure to meet you.
Thank you so much
for doing this job on such short notice.
It is an honor.
I never get these kinds of opportunities.
He's a funeral director.
What?
I had three days.
You should see his website.
He's a wizard with casket sprays.
Thank you.
The botanicals speak.
I'm just a good listener.
Have you ever done a wedding?
Alas, no.
But don't be spooked.
Death may be my trade,
but love and florals
are where my passions truly lie.
You are concerned. I see that.
I'm sure you're very talented,
but we've got a demanding bride
expecting a blanket of blush roses
covering my yard.
And I can deliver that in any situation.
I have always been known
to adapt and pivot.
Who doesn't love a funeral director
with a catchphrase?
So are we good?
Yeah, okay.
You won't regret it.
This is gonna be so much fun!
Happy tears.
Now, where's the memorial
Boy.
Where's the ceremony taking place?
Right out here in the backyard.
Above ground! Wonderful!
Mama's all tucked into bed.
I think it's sweet she doesn't want Daddy
to see her the night before the wedding.
I guess.
At least we talked her out of having
that bachelorette party at the strip club.
You know the top-shelf dancers
are not working brunch.
So how's your "dearly beloved"
coming along?
Okay, listen to this.
"Thank y'all for coming."
"Today is proof that Tinder really works."
Then I point at Mom and Daddy,
laugh, laugh, laugh…
What?
That's kind of soft.
I mean, I would open with the story
of when you walked in on them
doing it in the recliner.
Carol, that took me years
to get over that.
Okay, go with Tinder.
But you've been warned.
Admit it, aren't you a little glad
we decided to do this for Mama?
Yeah, we did kind of slay
her wedding book.
I know. We checked almost every box.
Yeah. No doves, but plenty of old crows.
See, now there's your laugh, laugh, laugh.
Was I this demanding when I got married?
I still have the petticoat and parasol.
Does that answer your question?
It was a theme wedding.
I still think you might wear it someday.
Sure, if I'm ever nannying
little British children.
I can't look at this speech anymore.
I'm gonna have to go to sleep.
Quick question, when you brush your hair,
does a lot come out?
- No.
- That's it, I'm getting a multivitamin.
The key with agave is if you
don't control the heat, it gets brittle.
The key with me is I don't care.
- What are you doing with my chairs?
- We're a few short.
No one's getting grass ass on my watch.
You could've said "fanny,"
but I like your hustle.
Daddy, you're wearing that hat.
The hell I am. I look like Mr. Peanut.
It's the bride's wish.
Happy wife, happy life.
Have you learned nothing
in all these years of marriage?
Aha, so you admit we're married.
It's just one day.
Can't you give her this?
I gave her 60 years.
That should count for something.
Just wear the darn hat!
I don't know
what we're gonna do with that man.
He'll snap out of it
after he gobbles my pork.
Yeah. I heard it.
- So how's Mama doing?
- Good.
She's got a mimosa,
Josie's doing her makeup,
we're right on schedule.
I could use a mimosa.
Daddy, you want a mimosa?
Speak English.
I'm gonna say it, I do not know
what she sees in that man.
Hey, everyone! Big day! Big day!
Hey, Stephen. You're right on time.
We have a little hiccup.
How little?
It would appear that my vendor
sent us the wrong order.
We have no flowers?
No, we do, it's just the arrangements
that were delivered
are for a slightly different occasion.
Who died?
That occasion.
My Lord!
I am so sorry.
It's a sign.
No, it's not. Sit!
The grill quit on me.
I got 40 pounds of raw pork.
No amount of hog butter
is gonna get me out of this jam.
They're saying rain,
but I don't buy it.
Who's saying that?
I'm going home.
- Sit!
- Sit!
Okay, everybody needs to just calm down.
We're gonna adapt and pivot.
Isn't that right, Stephen?
Yes.
Louder!
It's just a catchphrase!
I saw it on a yogurt lid!
Mary.
Never mind.
Carol, we need full access to Mary's grill
and every rose in her garden.
Not my Princess Di's.
You'll get two songs.
Follow me.
Freeze, old man.
I got a glue gun with three sticks in it.
You feeling lucky?
Any chance you got more mason jars?
We're Southern. Of course we do.
I think we might pull this off.
We make a good team.
We do.
And may I say, what you're doing
for your folks is very moving.
In my field, I spend a lot of time
listening to people weep
over the shoulda, coulda, wouldas.
Thank you, I just wish my daddy
was more enthused.
Maybe he's got cold feet.
He might. I hid his shoes.
I swear, if he leaves her at the altar,
I'm throwing that top hat on Bill.
She loves him more anyway.
Bill the caterer?
He's cute.
He's my ex-husband.
I hate him.
The walker-and-cane parade has started.
They're too early.
Well, It's two o'clock.
They're ready for dinner.
It's refreshing for me.
I don't usually see them in action.
Ooh. The widow Tidwell has a plus-one.
She bounced back real quick.
I can't believe I'm the bride.
You look beautiful.
Like a princess.
I feel 20 years old.
Well, that makes you ten years younger
than the flower girl.
How's my groom doing?
- Super psyched.
- Great.
Don't lie to me.
I know he hates all of this.
And I don't care.
You girls have made my dream come true.
Mama.
Don't get us crying already.
I'm not doing your makeup again.
Carol, take Mama downstairs.
- But don't let Daddy see her.
- Okay.
Enjoy your last few steps
of freedom, Mama.
You want to hook up with Pat Boone,
you better get on it.
Let me help you with that.
I know you're sick of being in weddings,
but one day it'll be your turn.
No offense,
but the whole "marriage, kids" thing…
Ooh, hard pass.
Well, maybe not now, but you're young.
You've got time.
Not ever, Mom.
But I get why you think that.
It's what everyone here does.
Well, not everyone.
Although you would have adorable babies.
Not gonna happen.
Okay, if it's not for you,
it's not for you.
This town isn't for me.
What does that mean?
I think I'm ready to make a move.
Try something new.
I need to get out of Knoxville.
Felt good to say that out loud.
Thanks, Mom.
I've taken three showers,
I still smell like meat.
Stop flirting.
Okay, here you go, you two…
cuties.
This is humiliating.
You get to just stand there.
I have to toss… popcorn?
I could not spare a petal.
Daddy, it's time.
I'll go get Mama.
I ain't going out there.
I've been saying it all day,
but nobody listens to me.
You'll do as you're told, young lady.
Sound familiar?
Sorry. I'm not used
to pinning these on the living.
Sir, I have been instructed
to put this on the groom.
Who are you?
I'm…
the wedding florist.
Daddy, let's get this hat on you.
I'm not wearing it.
Why can't you just pretend
to enjoy it for Mama's sake?
Because as far as I'm concerned,
our wedding day, however simple,
was the best day of my life.
It's things like that that make me want
to marry you all over again.
- Wow.
- Really?
Big wow.
Let's go get married.
Don't forget your vows.
We don't need those.
That's the one thing that we got right
the first time around.
No, blush pink!
Perfect!
You got all that at Mary's?
And a quick run to the Kroger's.
Just waiting on a go.
We're ready.
What is it about weddings?
They always make me cry.
Me too.
- Bill?
- Yeah?
We gotta talk about something.
Is it the meat smell?
Never mind.
You sure?
I am.
Then shall we?
Where did the newlyweds go?
They're in your car making out.
Worse things have happened
in that back seat.
But not many.
You angel. You didn't have to do that.
I'm Southern. Of course I did.
Now, I've been to enough funerals to know
when someone's putting on a brave face.
You want to talk?
It's my daughter.
I think she's gonna leave home.
I know she's an adult, but I've already
been through so much change this year.
Well, sometimes people leave
before we're ready.
But they're never really gone.
They're always right here.
Funeral talk?
Yes, I'm so sorry.
It's okay, you pulled it off.
Adapt and pivot!
They're doing more than just making out.
I'm gonna have to sell that car.