Leave It to Beaver (1957) s01e13 Episode Script

1
("Leave it to Beaver" theme music)
[Announcer] Leave It To Beaver.
Starring Barbara Billingsley,
Hugh Beaumont,
Tony Dow,
and Jerry Mathers as the Beaver.
[Ward] When you're the smallest boy in the group,
sometimes it can be pretty rugged.
And those older guys can really
make you feel left out of things.
But sometimes you manage to turn the tables
and get the better of your tormentor.
And that's our story tonight on Leave It To Beaver.
(upbeat music)
What are the boys doing today?
Wally and the Beaver are going
to the movies with Eddie Haskell.
I can't help it.
I just don't like that boy.
You have to admit, he has good manners.
That's just it.
I don't mind he being polite,
but he's polite in such a sneaky way.
Well, I don't think Eddie's a bad kid.
- Goodbye, Mom, we're going.
- Yeah, Mom, we're going.
- Hello, Eddie.
- How do you do, Mr. Cleaver?
Gee, Mrs. Cleaver, you even look pretty in an apron.
(audience laughing)
Thank you very much, Eddie.
Dad, could we each have a dollar?
Yeah, I guess so.
Be sure and bring the change back.
What movie you boys going to?
Two good ones, Mrs. Cleaver.
Massacre at Blood River and Voodoo Curse.
Massacre at Blood River and Voodoo Curse?
Oh, I don't think so.
Isn't there something better you boys can see?
I noticed in the paper that Pinocchio
is playing at the Valencia.
Now you haven't seen that,
and that's a wonderful picture for children.
Voodoo Curse is a wonderful picture
for children, too. (Audience laughing)
Gee, Mom, everybody's seen it but us.
We don't want to be a bunch of creeps.
It was shot in Haiti, Mrs. Cleaver.
It's real educational.
Yes, I'm sure of that, Eddie.
Wally, I'm sorry, but I want you to promise me
that you won't take the Beaver to see Voodoo Curse.
Well, all right, I promise.
I'll see that he doesn't, Mrs. Cleaver.
Yes, well, thank you, Eddie.
Hey, you guys, don't forget my change.
[Wally] Yeah, okay.
You know something?
What?
You're a real mean mother.
(audience laughing)
Oh, stop it.
No, seriously, I don't see anything so wrong
with the boys seeing Voodoo Curse.
Ward, you know how impressionable the Beaver is.
Why, he went to see that jungle picture
and he got us up at 3 o'clock in the morning
and said there was a lion in his closet.
Yeah, but you got up to check,
and there wasn't any lion. (Audience laughing)
June, I saw hundreds of horror pictures when I was a kid.
I read Dracula four times.
Well, I don't think children as young as the Beaver
should be exposed to pictures that frighten them.
Now it may be all right, but on the other hand,
it might leave permanent scars.
(dramatic music)
(audience laughing)
Well, come on, let's go get our tickets.
Wait a minute, Eddie.
We just walked over with you.
Me and the Beaver are going to the Valencia.
You were there, I promised my mom
I wouldn't take Beaver to Voodoo Curse.
Look, you promised you wouldn't take the Beaver.
Did he promise he wouldn't take you?
No.
All right.
Then give him the money and let him take you.
But the whole thing is.
Mom doesn't want Beaver to see the picture.
How are you supposed to know that?
You're not supposed to be that smart.
They're grown up, you're only a kid.
(audience laughing)
Gee, I don't know about this, Eddie.
Look, you got 'em on a technicality.
I do this to my mother all the time.
That's howl got my BB gun.
Now give Beaver the money and let him take you.
Well, I guess it's okay that way.
Sure, give him the money.
Hey, you think there's a poster in front of the Valencia
advertising Pinocchio?
Sure, why?
Well, after we get out of here,
me and the Beaver are going over there
and look at the poster.
What do you want to do that for?
It'll help a little if they ask us if we saw Pinocchio.
(audience laughing)
Boy, I hope I'm as smart as you guys are when I grow up.
[Man] And now, powers of darkness and black voodoo magic
come to me and as this pin pierces the image of my enemy,
let it pierce his body
and bring to him the torture of slow death (laughing).
Wally!
Cut it out, Eddie.
[Man] And now, my enemy, you will feel pain.
You will sicken and die (laughing).
Boys'll be home soon.
I better start dinner.
What's in the paper?
Same thing that's in the paper every Saturday,
half the football scores.
They take you right up to the third quarter
then leave you hanging until Sunday morning.
Well, why don't you write them
about starting the games earlier?
June, you can't.
(audience laughing)
Yeah, it's a good idea.
Of course, it's a wonderful idea.
(phone ringing)
Any Saturday afternoon you wouldn't be upset.
Hello?
Yes, this is Mrs. Cleaver.
Oh, hello, Eddie.
No, the boys aren't home yet.
Oh.
Well, one of the kids at school is an usher
and he found Beaver's cap in the movies,
and then he called me.
I knew you'd be anxious about a nice cap like that.
Yes, well, thank you very much.
Where's the cap now?
It's in the manager's office at the Globe Theatre.
Well, thank you, Eddie.
Goodbye.
Eddie Haskell?
Uh-huh.
Beaver left his cap over at the Globe Theatre.
That's funny.
I thought Pinocchio was at the Valencia.
Yeah, I thought Voodoo Curse was at the Globe.
Well, Eddie probably just got mixed up.
Yeah, the boys wouldn't deliberately disobey us.
Well, I think we can trust them that much, can't we?
Oh, sure we can.
What are you doing?
I'm looking up the Valencia.
[June] Voodoo Curse, Globe Theatre.
(audience laughing)
(upbeat music)
Uh, boys.
You haven't told us how you enjoyed
the movie this afternoon.
(audience laughing)
Oh, great, Dad.
Yeah, oh, great, Dad.
Let's see now, uh,
the name of that picture, oh, oh Pinocchio, wasn't it?
Uh, yeah, Dad.
We saw the Pinocchio picture.
(audience laughing)
What was it about?
Um, it was about (chuckling) Pinocchio.
Yeah, that was his name.
(audience laughing)
Well, uh, what happened?
Uh, well, he has adventures.
What kind of adventures?
You know, all kind.
Uh, suppose you tell us about the picture, Beaver.
Well, there was a big man sitting in front of me.
I didn't see very much.
Well now, you must have seen some of the picture, fellows.
Tell me, how did you like the part
where Pinocchio was swallowed by the whale?
(audience laughing)
I think I was out getting popcorn then.
You know, it's funny.
I saw that picture years ago,
and yet I remember it so vividly.
It's about a little boy whose nose grew and grew
every time he told a lie.
(audience laughing)
Uh, boys, Eddie Haskell phoned this evening
just before supper.
He said you left your cap at the movies, Beaver.
Oh yeah, I guess I did (laughing).
(audience laughing)
You know, the thing that puzzled your mother and me
was how if you boys were at the Valencia seeing Pinocchio,
you could have lost your cap at the Globe, Beaver.
Well, I.
How could I have done that, Wally?
Well, gee, Dad, maybe they ran out of popcorn
at the Valencia and Beaver and I went over to the Globe to.
No?
No.
Wally, I'm very disappointed in you.
Now didn't you promise me that you wouldn't
take the Beaver to see Voodoo Curse?
I didn't break my promise, Mom.
I didn't take the Beaver.
He took me.
(audience laughing)
Yeah, Wally give me the money and I tooken him.
Wally, you're old enough to know the difference
between right and wrong.
Did you or did you not break your promise to your mother?
Yeah, I guess I did.
Well, I think you boys had better go on up to your room
now and stay there the rest of this evening
and all day tomorrow.
Yeah, I guess we'd better, Dad.
(somber music)
Mom, I'm awful sorry.
Eddie Haskell made us do it, Mom.
No, he didn't, Beaver, we did it ourselves.
Well, I'm glad you realize that.
I'm sorry, Mom.
I'm sorry too, Mom.
Well, I think there's some hope for them.
I think so, too.
You know, I never did like that Eddie much.
Now I hate him worse than ever.
Yeah, he is kind of a miserable guy.
You know, I wouldn't like him at all
if he wasn't my best friend.
(audience laughing)
Yeah, he's always pickin' on me.
But I fixed him real good this morning.
What do you mean you fixed him real good?
If I show you, you promise you won't tell nobody?
Sure, I promise.
This isn't the kind of promise you make Mom, is it?
No, now what did you do to him?
(shoebox clattering)
Hey, what's all this?
[Beaver] Don't you get it, Wally?
It's a voodoo curse, just like in the picture.
I stuck the pin in case the nail don't get him.
(Wally laughing) (audience laughing)
What are you laughing at, Wally?
I said the words just like the witch doctor
before I gave him the works.
Are you kidding, Beaver?
How could you fall for such stuff?
There's no such thing as a voodoo curse.
Maybe not, but I sure had a lot of fun doing it though.
(audience laughing) (whimsical music)
Oh, boys.
Morning, Mrs. Rayburn.
Good morning, Mrs. Rayburn.
Good morning, Theodore.
Wally, I want you to take a message to your teacher.
Tell her that Eddie Haskell's mother called,
and he'll be absent for a day or two.
Is there something wrong with Eddie?
Yeah, is there something wrong with Eddie?
Well, apparently, he's ill.
Whatever it is came on him quite suddenly over the weekend.
Thank you, Wally.
(dramatic music)
(audience laughing)
(upbeat music)
Hey, aren't you in bed yet?
Wally, what if Eddie dies?
Will they give me the electric chair?
Sure, they got a little seat they put on for kids
just like they got in the barbershop.
(audience laughing)
- Wally, stop teasing me.
I'm really worried about putting the voodoo curse on Eddie.
You didn't put any voodoo curse on him.
I told you before there's no such thing.
It's funny it didn't happen
until after I stuck the pin in him.
For the last time,
there's no such thing as a voodoo curse.
And anyway, you'd have to be a genuine witch doctor
to make it work.
Yeah, I guess you're right, Wally.
I sure hope you're right, Wally.
(audience laughing)
Eddie, please get well.
(dramatic music)
(Eddie moaning)
Eddie, you don't have a temperature.
The doctor says you can go back to school tomorrow, son.
Not the way I feel.
Let him go to school.
(Eddie moaning)
Well, I must get to the office.
Feel better, son.
Mom, I ache all over.
Look at my tongue.
Aah. (Audience laughing)
Doesn't look too good.
Dear, do you feel well enough to see Beaver Cleaver,
or shall I tell him to go away?
Yeah, I guess I could see one of the guys.
You can come in now. (Eddie moaning)
Hi, kid.
Hi, Eddie.
How do you feel?
Awful.
Don't stay too long.
Did she go downstairs?
Yeah, she went downstairs.
(audience laughing)
What's the idea of the flowers?
Why didn't you bring me something I could eat?
Gee, Eddie, all of a sudden you don't look sick anymore.
Are you kiddin'?
I'm not sick.
Just didn't feel like going to school.
I'm putting on the act.
No kiddin', Eddie?
You're not sick at all?
No place?
Of course not.
I do this all the time.
My mother always falls for it.
Don't you even have a pain in your stomach?
Right here?
Nah.
How about up here? (Audience laughing)
I don't have a pain anywhere,
except a pain in the neck since you came in.
Hey, how come all of a sudden you're worried about me?
Well, when I heard you were sick,
I thought it was working.
[Eddie] What was working?
The voodoo curse I put on you.
You put a voodoo curse on me?
Yeah, I took a doll,
I put a nail in it and then I put a pin in it,
just like in the picture.
You little dope.
What did you do that for?
'Cause I don't like ya.
(audience laughing)
Nobody likes you, Eddie, not even Wally,
and he's your best friend.
No foolin'?
Yeah, and you got us in trouble about the movies.
(laughing) Voodoo curse.
You must be crazy to think a thing like that would work.
Hey, where did you stick the pins?
I stuck the pin right here and the nail right there.
(laughing) What a crazy thing to do.
I'm glad it's not workin'.
I don't like you very much,
but I'd feel kind of bad if you died.
(audience laughing)
Why don't you get out of here?
Okay.
So long, Eddie.
(dramatic music)
Ma, come quick!
I'm sick, I'm sick! (Audience laughing)
(doorbell ringing)
Oh, hello, George.
Come on in.
Evening, Ward.
[June] Who is it, dear?
Oh, it's, uh, George Haskell.
Well, won't you sit down, George?
No, thank you.
(audience laughing)
I'm going to be very brief and to the point.
It's about my Eddie and your boy,
I believe the kids call him Gopher.
- Beaver.
- Uh, Beaver, yes.
What's he done?
Ward, you know me fairly well.
You've known me as a
levelheaded, conservative fella, right?
- Right.
- Right.
Ward, your Beaver has put a voodoo curse on my Eddie.
(audience laughing)
Well, have you called in a good witch doctor yet?
Ward, I'm just giving you the facts.
One, Eddie's in great pain in his stomach and his chest.
Two, the doctor says that there's nothing wrong with him
that he can see.
Three, your Beaver has made a black magic doll
and stuck pins in it.
Well, it must be some kind of a joke, George.
Well, it's no joke to me or to Eddie's mother.
Well, we'd better do something about that, huh?
Excuse me, George. (Audience laughing)
I thought maybe you and George would like a cup of coffee.
Where you going?
I'm gonna see if Beaver put a voodoo curse on Eddie.
Oh.
(audience laughing)
Well,
George, would you like a cup of coffee?
Well,
I believe not.
(audience laughing)
Oh, hi, Dad.
Hi, Dad.
[Ward] Hi.
Beaver, Mr. Haskell is downstairs and he's pretty upset.
Did you get a doll of Eddie and stick pins in it?
Uh-huh, I got it right here, Dad.
Good gosh, Beaver.
Beaver, did you ever do anything like this before?
No, this is my first time.
I guess that's why it didn't work.
(audience laughing)
[Wally] I told him it was silly, Dad.
Is there something wrong with Eddie?
He was all right this afternoon.
Yes, it seems he has pains in his chest and stomach.
How could he be sick, Dad?
I took the pin and the nail out and uncursed him.
(audience laughing)
Well, we'll talk about that later.
Right now, I think I'd better get back downstairs
and see what I can do about calming Mr. Haskell down.
George, I just can't believe this.
The Beaver's such a sweet little fellow.
Why, he likes everybody, even Eddie.
(audience laughing)
I mean, he likes everybody.
- Well?
- I was just telling
George here that the Beaver wouldn't think
of doing anything like this.
Yes, well, it seems he did
stick some pins in a doll (chuckling).
Then it's true.
What are you gonna do about this, Ward?
Wait a minute, George.
Let's be sensible about this.
We're both adults.
We know there's no such thing as black magic.
I don't know about these things,
but the fact remains that Eddie has pains
in his stomach and in his chest.
But then they must be psychological pains, George.
Look, you see, Eddie believed it would work, so it worked.
That's the whole secret of the witch doctors' power.
You seem to know a great deal about this subject.
Yeah, I've read a little about it.
I'm sure you have.
Your son must have picked it up somewhere,
and it's not in the school curriculum.
George, the whole thing came from a picture the boys saw.
Look, George, let's keep our feet on the ground.
These pains of Eddie's are in his mind.
No, they're not.
They're in his stomach and in his chest,
and I expect you to do something about it.
- Well
- And don't ask me what.
Good night.
Good night, June.
Yes, George, and say hello to Agnes for me.
Yeah.
(somber music)
(upbeat music)
Well, you may have something there, Agnes.
Well, I'm so glad to hear that Eddie's back on his feet.
Thanks for calling.
Goodbye.
Hi.
- Hello, dear.
- That was Agnes Haskell.
Eddie's feeling fine again.
Oh yeah, I thought he would be.
How long before dinner?
About 10 minutes.
How were you so sure that Eddie was going to be all right?
Well, I told you I'd take care of it, and I did.
I had a little talk with Beaver last night.
Well, what did the Beaver say to Eddie that cured him?
Well, June, I told you I'd read a little on the subject,
so I sent the Beaver over
with a genuine voodoo curse remover.
(audience laughing)
(laughing) Oh, Ward.
A voodoo curse remover?
[Ward] Well, sure.
You can find the ingredients for that
in any good black magic cookbook.
What's in it?
Well, you take three worms from the backyard,
four hairs from a dog's tail,
six toadstools picked in the light of the moon,
two hairs from a small boy's head.
Uh, that hurt the Beaver a little bit,
but I figured he had it coming to him.
(audience laughing)
Then you put all of the ingredients
in a Bull Durham sack,
and you pass it six times over the victim's body.
And I told the Beaver that he could recite
any magic words that came to mind.
Oh, Ward.
It's wonderful having a practicing witch doctor
in the family when you need him.
(audience laughing)
(bright music)
(upbeat music)
Hey, June, you know that drive in the country
I was talking about last Saturday?
What do you say we try it again today?
Eddie Haskell's upstairs.
Boys are going to the movies again.
Eddie Haskell.
You think I oughta drop a few gentle hints to the boys
that maybe Eddie Haskell is not the ideal American youth?
Oh honey, that's the worst thing you can do.
Let them find out for themselves.
They will soon enough.
Hey fellas, let's go to the Globe again this week.
They got a couple great pictures,
Monsters from Outer Space and The Thing That Creeps.
Look, Eddie, we told you before.
Mom doesn't want me taking Beaver
to those kind of pictures.
What's the matter with you guys?
You wouldn't ever catch me listening to my parents.
I never do.
Yeah, Eddie.
Well, maybe that's why you're such a miserable creep.
(audience laughing)
Yeah, maybe that's why you're such a miserable creep.
I don't care where you're going,
but me and the Beaver are going to the Valencia.
Come on, Beave.
Bye, Mom, bye, Dad.
Bye, Mom, bye, Dad.
Where you boys going?
- The Valencia.
- To see Pinocchio.
Goodbye, Mrs. Cleaver.
Goodbye, Mr. Cleaver.
Goodbye, Eddie.
Eddie, aren't you going to the movies with the boys?
Well, I wasn't, but I guess I will go to the Valencia.
I think that's what my parents would like.
Well, looks like there might be
some hope for Eddie too, huh?
(upbeat music)
(bright music)
(sweeping music)