The Andy Griffith Show (1960) s01e13 Episode Script

( whistling sprightly tune)
starring Andy Griffith
with Ronny Howard.
Also starring Don Knotts.
Well, there it is,
Mr. Mayor, gentlemen.
I certainly appreciate you
giving me this chance
to speak before
the town council,
and I hope you decide to
give me your permission
to make my picture
here in Mayberry.
I'd like to start
filming next week.
How long you figure on
being here, Mr. Harmon?
A week, maybe ten days.
Sounds pretty good.
Mayor?
Uh well, uh Floyd?
Well
Orville?
Mmm Mayor?
Why don't you step
outside for a spell?
We'll have us a quick
meeting, Mr. Harmon.
Be glad to.
Thank you, gentlemen.
Won't be long
Just a minute or two.
( door closing)
( all arguing)
I don't like this nary a bit!
Me, neither.
How do we know
that we can trust him?
How do we know
they ain't coming
here to laugh at us?
Oh, no, I'm against this.
Me, too.
Well, I'm with you boys.
Now, all those opposed
Now, wait a minute, Mayor.
We ain't giving this
thing a fair chance.
How do we know they're
coming here to laugh at us?
Why, a motion picture being
made right here in Mayberry,
it might be a good
thing for the town.
Well, that's just what
I've been thinking.
Might be a good
thing for the town.
Now, all those in favor
Hold on, there. I still say
what are they
making this movie for?
Yeah. How do we
know they ain't making it
so's they can laugh at us?
Well, what would
they laugh at, Floyd?
At the way we talk or look
or our little fat mayor.
Are you going to
allow that, Andy?
Are you going to let
them make a picture here
and laugh at your
little fat mayor?
Well, I ain't. All
those opposed
Now wait a minute, Mayor.
Ain't we a-pickin' our peaches
'fore they're fuzzed up good?
Huh?
Now, let me do this
Let me take this Mr. Harmon
on a tour of the town.
I can show him the way
we work and live and talk,
and like that, and
I can watch him.
And if he's got a idee
to poke any fun at us,
well, I can know it right quick.
No, sir. Once and
for all, no. No, sir.
Now, all those opposed
Just a minute, Mayor.
Andy's got an idea here.
Yeah.
Reckon we got nothing to lose.
ANDY: Might be worth a try.
Well, that's what I say.
Might be worth a try.
I'm so glad you
all see it my way.
Well, now, that's what makes
you such a good mayor
You think for yourself.
No kidding, Andy, they
really going to make a picture
right here in Mayberry?
They sure are.
I'm going to get the place
kinda picked up a little
before Mr. Harmon gets here.
Mr. Harmon come all the
way from Hollywood, did he?
He did.
Boy, I'd sure like to
get out there someday.
Me, too.
Help me tie these on, will you?
Oh, yeah.
You know Gordon
Bellfield, don't you?
Yeah.
He went out there last
summer on his vacation.
Did he?
Yeah.
Took one of them guided tours.
You know, that goes right
by the movie stars' homes.
Huh. On a bus.
You know what happened?
No.
The bus stopped right in
front of Gary Cooper's house.
It did? Yeah.
So they all got out
and went over to the
front yard and looked.
And you know what they saw?
No.
Gary Cooper's newspaper.
Right there in the front yard.
That right? Yeah.
So they all looked
at it for a while,
and then this woman that sat
right next to Gordon on the bus
Yeah.
She went over and picked it up.
She did?
Yeah.
Then Gary Cooper's maid
come out of the front door
and walked over to
where they was standing.
You know what she said?
What?
"Get off the grass."
Is that right?
Yeah.
Gordon heard her.
He was standing right there.
They all stopped
and looked and turned
and she looked back at them.
Well, then what happened?
Oh, they all got back on the bus
and drove off and the
maid went back in the house.
( whistling)
Gary Cooper's maid.
Hmm. Tours sure
do sound fascinating.
Yeah, I got to get
out there someday.
Yeah.
Maybe they'll have a
sheriff's convention sometime
and we can go.
Yeah.
It'd be fun, wouldn't it?
Yeah.
Barney, again?
They sure don't make 'em
like this anymore, do they?
Sorry, Andy.
Might know the key
would be all the way
in the other door.
ANDY: See if I can reach it.
BARNEY: Is that going to reach?
ANDY: It'll reach if the
broom's long enough
and my arm's long enough, yes.
Let me turn it over.
Be careful.
Right. Let's see
Now, let me just lift it.
Be real careful.
I'm being as careful as I can.
Careful. That's it.
( sneezes)
Barney!
BARNEY: Sorry, Andy.
The dust got right in my nose.
ANDY: I see it did.
Oh, uh howdy, Mr. Harmon.
Oh, hello, Sheriff. Hi.
BARNEY: Howdy.
This is marvelous.
Courthouse and the
jail all in the same room.
It's convenient.
It's marvelous.
Well, uh all set
to take that tour around town.
It's a nice day
for it, I'll say that.
Beautiful day
just beautiful.
Well, uh are
we all set to go?
Uh
Mr. Harmon, would
you do us a favor?
Why, of course.
Uh, you, uh
you see that key
right down there?
Uh-huh.
Uh
Oh, you mean that you're
Yeah.
Oh, for Pete's sake.
We had a little lock trouble.
Yeah, it's a good
thing you come along.
I I wonder if you
wouldn't mention this
any more than you have to.
Oh, of course not.
Appreciate that.
I'd like for you to meet
my able deputy, Barney Fife.
How are you, Barney?
How do you do?
This is Mr. Harmon,
the movie producer.
I'm gonna take him
a little tour around
town, Barney.
So you're a movie
producer from Hollywood.
You know Gabby Hayes?
HARMON: Oh, sure, I know Gabby.
I'll be darned.
As a matter of fact
I saw Gabby just
before I left Hollywood.
You did? What did he say?
Well, uh I said,
"Hiya, Gabby."
And he said, "How's
the picture business?"
Is that what he said?
Oh, that Gabby's a
funny duck, ain't he?
( laughing)
Well, we might as well
get started, Mr. Harmon.
Fine. Well, nice to
have met you, Barney.
Oh, pleasure's all mine.
I'll see you, Barney.
All right.
"How's the picture business?"
Uh Mr. Harmon, uh
Excuse me for being nosy,
but, uh, how come
you keep looking
through your hands like that?
Oh, well, it gives me an
idea of what the scene
might look like through
the camera lens.
In other words,
my hands serve as a viewfinder.
Oh. I'll be dogged.
I've always had one, too,
and never did know it.
Well, I declare, I do believe
I see my Aunt Bee and
my boy Opie coming,
and they look just as clear
Hi, Andy.
Howdy, Aunt Bee. Howdy, Opie.
Hi, Paw.
I'd like for you to
meet Mr. Harmon, here.
How do you do?
Mr. Harmon's a
Hollywood movie producer
coming right here to Mayberry
to make a motion picture.
Oh, how do you do? Yeah.
Really?
A movie with cowboys and horses
and shootin' and killin'?
No, son, I'm afraid it's
not that kind of movie.
You mean there's another kind?
Of course there is, Opie.
This picture
is Rock Hudson
going to be in it?
Well, no.
He's your favorite,
ain't he, Aunt Bee?
Tell the truth,
old Rock kinda does
it for you, don't he?
Oh, hush, Andy.
Hey, what would you do
if Mr. Harmon could work it out
to where you could
actually meet Rock Hudson?
Oh, what do you think I'd do?
I'd faint.
( laughing)
It's a beautiful town, Aunt Bee.
We like it. Just beautiful.
Hey, Paw, Hmm?
What's he doing?
Oh, he's trying to see
how Mayberry will look
on the movie screen.
Scat! That ain't for children.
Maybe there's
something I missed.
Huh?
Oh, you want to
look through mine?
You met Floyd up
in the Mayor's office.
Oh, yeah. Hi, Floyd.
How are you, sir?
Floyd's been barbering
folks around here
since most of us
was just young 'uns.
Really? Yeah.
You're the only
barber in town, Floyd?
Oh, yes ( mumbles)
I always did want
to be a barber.
Even when I was
just a little tiny kid
I used to practice on cats.
Cats?
Yeah, I'd catch
'em in the alley,
then I'd clip them. Oh?
We had the baldest
cats in the county.
( laughing)
That's a fact.
And folks still say
that Floyd ain't
much with people,
but he's a great cat barber.
Oh, now, hold it.
( giggles)
That's right.
And to this day,
he'll forget hisself
and stroke you a few times
'fore he commences cutting.
( giggles)
Are you wanting a
haircut, Mr. Harmon?
Not today, thanks.
You don't have to tip him.
Just arch your
back and purr at him.
Oh
Well, maybe later.
It's been very good
talking to you, Mr. Lawson.
Oh, thank you, now.
I'll see you, Floyd.
Yeah, all right, Andy.
Ah! This is Orville
Monroe's place of business.
You met Orville upstairs, too.
Orville's also our TV repairman.
Folks claim he
charges less to bury you
than he does to fix your set.
Yes? Oh.
I'm sorry to
disappoint you, Orville.
We didn't bring
you any business.
I hope we're not
interrupting you.
Well, I do have a
customer in the back room
Mrs. Bartlett.
Ethy Bartlett?
I didn't know.
Yep. Her picture
tube went on the blink.
You know how she is
when she misses
her wrestling matches.
Uh, Mr. Monroe
( car approaching)
Oh, good.
Here's them new TV
antennas I ordered.
Well, here we are,
right back where we started
The old oak tree.
You seen about all we got
to offer in Mayberry.
Well, it's very interesting.
Many's the time
I've clumb up this old oak tree
when I was a young 'un.
You figure on using
it in the picture?
I should say so the
tree and the people.
You like the people, do you?
You wouldn't figure
on poking fun?
Poking fun?
I should say not.
Why, they're charming, natural.
They're very nice people.
I could never poke fun at them.
That's good, that's good.
'Cause if you did,
I don't imagine
Aunt Bee would come
to see your picture,
even if you had
Rock Hudson in it.
( both laughing)
Oh, howdy, Andy.
Floyd, what in the
world's going on?
Every day for the past week
another store's gone berserk.
Everybody's getting
gussied up for the big movie.
Oh, I don't know if my fingers
are going to hold out or
not after all these haircuts.
I've given more
haircuts in this past week
than I done since I was in shop.
You want a trim, Andy?
Come on, Floyd,
finish my Cary Grant.
BARNEY: Custer and
his men were surrounded ♪
The enemy had
his horses grounded ♪
Then he fought,
fought, fought, yes, he ♪
Fought, fought, fought ♪
Barney?
And he fought
and he fought ♪
Barney, come out here.
I want to tell you something.
And I want to show
you something.
Deputy Barney Fife
reporting for inspection, sir.
Barney, what in the
world have you got on?
Uniform of the day, sir!
Barney, at ease.
Will you relax?
Oh, Barney, be serious.
Barney, I want you to
tell me what you got on.
Where in the world
did you get that thing?
The mayor sent it over.
Don't you like it?
He sent one over for you, too.
No, sir.
I'll not put one
of them things on.
But, Andy, the mayor sent word
there's to be a special
meeting of the town council
and he expects you to
show up in your new uniform.
No, sir.
Now, I don't mean
to be cantankerous,
but I'll not put one
of them things on,
and I wish you'd
take yours off, too
Smokey Bear.
( door shuts)
Sheriff, you're late.
I'm sorry, Mayor.
Well, that's all right.
Sit down, Andy,
and I'll tell you
why we called this
special meeting.
Now, this motion picture company
is going to be here
tomorrow morning early.
Now, here's the reception
they're going to get from us.
As soon as they arrive,
the drum and bugle corps
will give them a rousing welcome
and then our ladies,
with their homemade pies,
they'll make their presentation,
and then Juanita will sing
"Flow gently, Sweet Afton."
Your daughter's going to sing?
Anything wrong with that?
Oh, oh, nothing.
Juanita's got a lovely voice.
And then I'll make
the welcoming address
and I'll tell them
how proud we are
to have them in our fair city,
and that will lead
up to the climax
of cutting down
the old oak tree.
You're going to cut
down the oak tree?!
That's right, we're
cutting it down.
Well, what in the world for?!
You got no right
to do such a thing.
We got a perfect right
if the majority of the
council votes for it.
Now, all those in favor of the
program we have planned
Wait a minute, Mayor.
What in the world
are y'all doing?!
You've changed yourselves,
your stores, your clothes,
you've given Barney and me
ridiculous-looking
uniforms to put on,
and now you goin' cut down
the oldest oak tree
in the entire town?!
Why, you've all gone
out of your minds!
Andy, Andy. There's
no time to dilly-dally.
Now, that motion
picture company's
going to arrive here
tomorrow morning early.
We want to have
everything right, right?
Right. Right.
Now, let's get to the voting.
All those in favor,
signify with the usual sign.
Aye. Aye.
Opposed? Mayor
Ayes have it. Pipe down, Andy.
Aunt Bee?
Opie?
Anybody home?
AUNT BEE: Be down
in a minute, Andy.
Home kind of early, ain't you?
I couldn't stay in
town any longer.
Felt like a stranger.
I had to get back
where things are normal.
The way the citizens
of this town are acting
you would not believe your eyes.
I'll tell you the
truth, Aunt Bee,
it's a pleasure to be
back in my own home
where nothing's changed.
( clearing throat)
Aunt Bee, when I tell
you some of the th
Aunt Bee, not you and Opie, too!
Paw, are you going to wear
your new uniform tomorrow?
No, I am not.
He's not going down there
looking like that, is he?
( loud clamoring)
Come on, everybody.
Hurry up now.
Hurry up, everybody.
Come on, come on.
It's your big day. Now come on.
Come, all of you, up in here.
Hurry it up. Come on.
A big day for everybody.
I sure wish you'd have
wore your new uniform.
You're a sight.
Serve you right if
they don't put you
in this picture at all.
Barney, I tell you the truth
You're all making a big mistake.
Oh, let me give you
a hand there, Mayor.
Pies pies over here.
No, don't, don't!
No! No!
Pies over there.
Where is the band?
Get the boys over here.
Drum and bugle over here.
Drum and bugle over there.
Get over there.
Good grief, it's over there!
No, no, no!
That's all right.
Now, where's my daughter?
Where's my daughter?
Here.
Back there with the pies.
Now, sweetheart, when you sing,
give them your very best.
Mr. Mayor, here they come!
They're comin'!
Drum and bugle, drum and bugle.
Come on, come on. Come with me.
Come on.
( band playing fanfare music)
Now, honey, now.
( off-key:) Flow
gently, sweet Afton ♪
Among thy green braes ♪
Flow gently ♪
I'll sing thee ♪
A song in thy praise ♪
My Mary's asleep ♪
By the murmuring stream ♪
Flow gently, sweet Afton ♪
Disturb not her dream. ♪
That was beautiful,
baby. ( applause)
That was fine.
Sit down now.
And now, Mr. Harmon,
I want to tell you
that we figure it's a privilege
to have you in our fair city.
The welcome that
you've just experienced
is just a sample token
of how we feel about your big
motion-picture-making company
coming here to make
your movie in our town.
And, now, as a final gesture
of our cooperation,
we're about to remove
the last remaining
unsightly landmark.
We're about to cut
down that oak tree.
Okay, boys, cut her down.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
What are you doing?
Well, we're cutting
down the tree
for your picture.
Why?
Well, because it's
full of tree gurglers
and it's an eye sore.
It's right in the
middle of the road.
It's in our way
here, and besides,
we want everything
nice for your picture.
Okay, boys.
No! Wait a minute.
I don't want this tree cut down.
You don't?
Of course not.
What's gotten into
you people anyway?
Well, what do you mean?
What have you done to the town?
And to yourselves?
This isn't the Mayberry
that I wanted to photograph.
I could have built a set
like this in Hollywood.
And look at all of you.
You mean, you're agin'
us cutting down the Oak?
Of course I am.
This tree is part
of the picture,
and so are all of you.
But the way you were
when I first met you,
when I walked around
the town with the sheriff.
The way you were
when you were
natural, genuine, real
That's what I
wanted in my picture.
Well, you're still going
to make your movie
in our town here,
aren't you, Mr. Harmon?
Well, of course I am.
I'd like to start shooting
as soon as the
company gets here.
But would you mind getting
the town back the way it was?
And get that saw
away from that tree.
Get that saw
away from that tree.
Get out of those
trick-or-treat outfits.
Get out of those
trick-or-treat outfits.
Now, get a-moving along, folks.
Let's go home and change
and kind of natural
ourselves up a bit.
Now, let's get
Go on now. Break
it up. Break it up.
BARNEY: Break it up, everybody.
We tried to tell 'em,
didn't we, Andy?
We sure did, Mayor.
You reckon it'd be all right
if I saved this just to
wear on Decoration Day?
I 'spect.
Aunt Bee
I got to admit you
do look right smart.
Really, Andy?
Yes, sir.
And you know something else?
I 'spect Rock Hudson
would like you just like that.
Oh Andy.
Orville.
Howdy, gentlemen.
Floyd. Andy.
I'm telling you, boy
Yes, sir, Opie, everything's
back to normal in Mayberry.